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Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Sep 19, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.0

550 throughout morning. 550 or so lunch

Prob around 1800-1850 today. Nothing fake. Pretty balanced. Still have anxiety but feeling a bit better. Still sorta weird appetite but in some ways a good thing at least I am eating more balanced but really that's about it...

Actually had some kinda build-up of anxiety over the past month and it caused me to slowly but as I look back there were signs throughout the month - slowly building up until I actually woke up in a panic at 11:30pm Wednesday night. I felt totally out of control and couldn't stand being alone. I was very dizzy and panicing. I called my parents and father drove the half hour to pick me up and bring me home to my parent's house. The next day my mom drove me to see a psychiatrist and I had my parents come in with me because I wanted them to witness it all going down instead of them waiting outside the room.

I am not yet feeling like myself and the past few days I could hardly even get the motivation or rather desire to go on here or even Facebook as much. I can write more but this is enough for now. I am not driving and last night I was even dizzy walking with my mom. So I am doing things to get better and this is something I have never experienced before.

The things that usually I find to be comforting I don't have as much energy to do - calorie counting, going on Facebook, coming here to at least track calories. Everything seems an extra chore or too obsessive or I am just uninterested..

I am still sorta anxious with a heavy head and dizziness but doing a bit better today. Past three nights I did wake up in a panic...doing better today than I have all other days since Tuesday / Wednesday.

And also my appetite has been noticeably less and different especially since Tuesday. It's almost a chore to eat and especially when eating alone, all I want are bland foods. No veggies. Mostly carbs and some fat - potato chips, roll with butter, bananas, luckily I am staying with my parents and am still eating pretty balanced despite it all because I am at least having dinner with them each night and also lunch today. I do feel anxiety even when eating.

Yesterday both parents were at work the whole day. The entire morning I felt like I was in a panic and struggled a lot just laying on the couch listening to a cd I bought for anxiety. Noon I forced myself to burn the other cd with the actual exercises on it and I brough it upstairs and went back to the couch, listening to the cd for the rest of the afternoon until around 4:45 when my friend texted me. I called her and asked if she was ok hearing what I went thru and I didn't want to upset her...she then told me all about her job afterwards and I felt my anxiety creeping up and up. My mom came in the door around 5:45 and I was glad bc I had no more energy to be on the phone or give advice. I had enough. I went walking with my mom - finally leaving the house and when we got to the school track I did walk 2 laps but felt unsteady during them and also took major breaks sitting and saying the slogans and breathing techniques from the cd. They seemed to help somewhat but I still felt dizzy and unconnected to what was going on around me.

Sunday: 400 cal thru morning fruit, later a natural protein bar (first packaged bar since Tuesday or Wednesday last week), lunch: 700 - big sandwich with whitefish salad, lox, butter, some leftover vegetables in butter, and an apple for dessert. Total cal Sunday prob around 1900-2000. Pretty healthy. More walking than I've done in months. Sorta had to hang onto my mom during some of it but felt better near the end. Then went shopping with parents very high anxiety at beginning fully hanging onto my dad but better at the end.

Monday: breakfast is cereal with fruit. Still craving easy food and carbs. Snack: fruit but I may reach for something else soon...just feeling a lot of ups and downs still in appetite. Def different Fromm typical...I would say I like not always being hungry of course and that I am satisfied after meals but also I know it would be better if I were feeling better overall and that I will admit I am still obsessing over food and calories or I wouldn't be on here? Calories so far today are 550. I am happy not to feel bloated lately or extremely full. That's a benefit to eating more normal portions but still not feeling myself when eating and the rest of the time. Working on it and def better than last Friday when I was home while parents went to work. Today I am still at their house. Def no driving right now. Still working to feel back to my old self even waking.

Lunch: toast 250 with butter 50, lox 50, cheese 100, marinated vegetables in a lot of oil 150 600.

Around 1150 after early lunch.

Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 09/19/2015:
So sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time. I hope you feel better every day, Good to see you on DD, Take care.

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2015:
Good to have good support here. I haven't told my friends just yet, except for 2 people who aren't close with the rest of them, only me.

livinglight on 09/20/2015:
Anxiety is such a challenge, I get it too and it an really take over. I hope it lifts soon - even though I'm really bad about it I find exercising A lot can really help to ease it.

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2015:
Yes usually exercise (weight lifting) was what I used to manage it. Only recently for some reason I felt it wasn't enough / helping...but will prob try yoga / meditation and try to add it into my life :)

ohioraven on 09/20/2015:
Hoping you find your peace, HP.

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2015:
Thank you OR :)

Umpqua on 09/21/2015:
I'm so glad to hear you're staying with your folks and that they're being supportive of you during a difficult time. I do online yoga sometimes when I'm really stressed and it does help to clear my head. If you're interested in trying something from home, check out Urban Mystic Yoga on Youtube. She has everything from gentle to advanced/dancing type classes available. Keep taking care of yourself xx

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2015:
Thank you so much and yes I am going to do some yoga in the near future. I am extremely lucky to have such supportive and caring parents. I am not so sure that all parents would have dealt with me / my issue in the same way and I am extremely lucky for that....thank you so much for the yoga tip bc I will use it - seems easier to do yoga at home than to go and sign up at a studio with money and more importantly time commitments - seems more simple to do at home at least for now. Thank you :)

puddles on 09/21/2015:
Sorry to hear you not well. Take care of yourself.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/21/2015:
Thanks Puddles...I am beginning to feel better today.

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Sep 15, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.0

7:30am: fruit & kombucha

10:30am: KIND fruit & nut bar...dark chocolate and nuts, only 5g sugar, it had a lot of fiber from inulin...like 7grams...feeling like I don't even want so much fiber & vegetables. 

11:45: banana, leftover calamari & veggies in hot thai sauce and around 1/2 cup brown rice, another banana total around 600.

total: 900. 

total around 1750, good.

exercise: weights routine

did laundry in AM. then relaxed on couch basically till afternoon. went to gym around 2, then got mani/padi as a treat, went to supermarket. and had a good evening.

Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

livinglight on 09/15/2015:
Hope you have a good day!

thinkpositive on 09/16/2015:
Looks like a well balanced day.

Umpqua on 09/18/2015:
Hey, it's not like you to go so long without posting. I hope all is well and you're having a good week!

horn_of_plenty on 09/18/2015:
def going thru something rough now. Taking a much needed break from work and everything. And helping my body relax...thank you so much for thinking of me, i am doing things to help myself get better now. Thanks again :)

Umpqua on 09/18/2015:
Good for you for taking time out for yourself. Take care and know that we are here for you when you need us xx

horn_of_plenty on 09/18/2015:
Thank you so much xoxo it means a lot :)

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Sep 14, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.5

Happy Monday. Today is relaxed. Not going to temple, but relaxing at home for the New Year.  Dinner with family was nice last night, I left my parents house around 10pm, later than I was planning on.  And as typical with me for the past month, I got very anxious driving on the highway coming home, especially in the dark.  I had to actually pull over to the shoulder of the road because I felt out of control of my car.  I don't know what's wrong lately.  I get anxious on the highways - day and night - maybe because I don't drive on them that frequently anymore?  I'll have to get over this.  Today is a nice day to just relax.

I do have physical therapy in the afternoon and later my friend who has the day off is stopping by for a quick visit & we'll share some dinner together.

Lately, anxiety pops up for me when driving and also while exercising. Truth is, I also should lay off all caffeine.  Because caffeine sure doesn't help with it.  I know the anxiety is all in my head and I am working to calm down a bit..

Thankful for these 2 days off :)

8am Breakfast: 2 plums 100, egg whites 60, avocado 80, banana 120, stevia, cinnamon, spray 20, oat bran 20: 400.

12pm Lunch: plum and chips 200, wrap 100, with some leftover brisket my mom cooked 200 at most...

900, good.

1200 after snack of pb on a wrap...

Dinner Thai food with best friend. Brown rice with vegetables and squid in a sauce. Total around 450 maybe.

1650, good.

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

ohioraven on 09/14/2015:
Peace, HP.

biscottibody59 on 09/14/2015:
I hope you figure out the anxiety thing!

horn_of_plenty on 09/14/2015:
Me too. Just need to relax. I sorta can't believe I am feeling so out of it....I gotta get over myself.

puddles on 09/14/2015:
Have you always had anxiety over driving at night? Take care on your day off.

horn_of_plenty on 09/14/2015:
Never anxious driving. Only the past month - day and night.

horn_of_plenty on 09/14/2015:
Never anxious driving. Only the past month - day and night.

horn_of_plenty on 09/14/2015:
Never anxious driving. Only the past month - day and night.

hollybelle on 09/15/2015:
The combination of caffeine and hormones made me an anxious mess in the past. I didn't eliminate the caffeine and the hormones eventually took care of themselves LOL! Good that you recognize your anxiety and know what to do.

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2015:
Meant to thank you for this comment, I have noticed that caffeine had a bad effect on me - gonna lay off :) hormones as well...gonna work oneself and work on my thinking :)

Umpqua on 09/15/2015:
I wonder if you're having panic attacks? My good friend has struggled with this over the years and it started out with driving (she would have to pull over it would get so bad). She's on a low dose med for anxiety and she said it's made a world of difference.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/15/2015:
Yes, I am. I know that I will feel better soon... :)

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Sep 13, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.5

Happy Sunday. Just got up 1x and only for a bathroom break last night. Otherwise, I def slept soundly through the night.  Left leg is a hair tight still, still recovering from the tendonitis....but realizing I am not going to lay off all fitness.  These next few days, with far less to do since i'll be off work, are the perfect days to help me do what I do enjoy and that's it.  Like I have said recently, this month will help me get back on track & hopefully feeling far better :)

at 1pm i'll leave to drive to my parents.  Spending the afternoon and evening with them to celebrate the holiday - Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year).  Should be nice. We'll also be celebrating my bday again and my sister will be there also this time.  Her fiancé I don't think will be there because i think he traveled to Hungary for work and to visit his mom & grandma who still live there.  He's from Hungary and moved to NYC when he was 17yrs old - 21 years ago.

Just had breakfast and looking to go out to the gym soon after a quick shower.

7:45am Kombucha and fruit - not more than 100.

8:30am Breakfast: Pancake 1/2 cup egg whites 60, 1/4 avocado 80, banana 120, oat bran 20, stevia, cinnamon & sf raspberry jelly 20: 300. good...followed up with caffeinated Bai Blueberry drink.

10am before gym: natural granola bar 150

Lunch: subway sandwich 350 at most. 900 :)

around 2250 for Sunday. good. and mostly healthy.

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

puddles on 09/13/2015:
Enjoy your day with your family.

ohioraven on 09/13/2015:
Happy Rosh Hashanah !

Umpqua on 09/14/2015:
Happy new year to you and your family! I hope you had a nice celebration and are enjoying the long holiday weekend.

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Sep 12, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.5

I was eating most of the morning - snacking around - must be due to cravings since I was pretty exhausted feeling this morning...but I ended up feeling better as the day went on and ate pretty healthy foods throughout.

7:45am-8:30 snacking / breakfast: 2 plums 100, beef jerky 150, chips (veggie chips and I like them bc they have a good mix of carbs and fat...and it's satisfying to me) 150. total: 400. good.

did most of laundry besides bedding this AM...nice...nobody else in the laundry room and got it done so easily :) yes...perfect start to weekend...

9:30 fruit 50

10am: hot wheat bran & almond milk 70,

11am 200 cal snack. (fruit and a small 130cal protein bar) And fell asleep after from around 11am-noon Probably taking the full day off exercise and just going to the gym tomorrow (Sunday) morning.

Noon: lunch. Pancake 240 - stevia, cinnamon... 1/4 avocado 80, banana 120, egg whites 30, stevia, sf raspberry jelly 10 :) , plum 60, wrap 100. 400 1050 :)

2pm I left to do errands: get gas, library, grocery shopping at two shops, rite aid for some bday cards and other items. got home around 4.

4:30pm snack (actually didn't get crazy hungry for awhile this afternoon...nice for a change!) decaf iced coffee from DD 50 and a coconut bar (higher fat, some sugar, no protein) 200.

total so far today: 1300, good. still debating gym, it's now 5pm.

5:45 early dinner leftovers at home: started out with just having some cooked Chinese cabbage 50 and still debating the gym...decided to be healthier tonight and eat more balanced...I had leftover cooked salmon that would have been thrown out if I didn't eat tonight 300? cal, and then some Spanish yellow rice around 150-200.total 600...needed the carbs and needed the healthy fat and protein from the fish. I'm looking to have a great workout tomorrow at the gym, but tonight it's about relaxing. I may even have a snack if I get the urge later tonight. def a rest day from the gym today!

total cal after dinner: 1900.

2050 total. Bed early and gym tomorrow.

Okay grand total 2250. Ended with a granola bar at 9:30. I want to sleep thru the night :)

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Sep 11, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.5

1200 after lunch, all healthy...but overeating veggies a bit too much...but all's good.

Planning on PT after work :) early to bed and easy day tomorrow...and gym tomorrow night because i'll be with family Sunday for the Jewish New Year.

I hope you are all relaxing tonight just like I am!

Tonight I did go to PT, got home at 8pm and had some dinner. Decided on lots of leftover veggies in sauces and some tofu. def not more than 500 cal.

total cals today not more than 2,000.

very tired day. I actually called to cancel PT...but then called back to keep the appointment.  I did the right thing - because lately i'm too lazy and i'm ready to get back into the swing of things....and stick to the schedule of going 2x a week and making a full recovery this month. full recovery.

and I can't believe I actually lost weight and weighed below 125 last night. amazing!

I am totally going to reach my goals for this wedding (sister's wedding) in the spring. I forgot how much I AM CAPABLE of.  Just takes determination. and a positive mindset.

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

ohioraven on 09/12/2015:
I'm in the lazy swing of things too. I need a change.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/12/2015:
Yes when things get boring is when we get lazy! You said that right...we both gotta try to change things up!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Sep 10, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 124.5


Today the receptionist at my company got me a balloon and tied it to my chair so now everyone will know I’m celebrating something! Haha….yesterday I said I didn’t want a cake or big celebration…I am not one for being in the spotlight…always preferring just to watch from the outside. Anyways, feels good when people do wish me a happy birthday! Just makes me blush and laugh lol…
…I thought my bday was over here at work yesterday so I didn’t dress up & my hair isn’t washed lol. and def no makeup…and skin’s already more broken out lol from yesterday. I know I do better by managing stress and watching what I eat…but still in order to not break out at all, I have to be insanely careful and I haven’t been. What I mean is, I must wash my face before the gym and shower before bed…not just in morning…and no coffee…or decaf only…less acidic foods…just a lot of rules to abide to lol to have perfect skin…and most importantly…SLEEP…enough…on a REGULAR basis….still fighting insomnia a little bit, sorta my fault for sleeping with my tempting phone…so until I do these things better, I’m going to struggle at bit with acne. Basically I am smart enough to know the major culprits: Cleanliness, sleep, artificial things in my food, too much acidic/dehydrating food, unbalanced diet, caffeine, going crazy at the gym like I love to do upper body weights in excess for a prolonged period when I go, etc, etc, etc, stress. LOL, this is how my brain thinks. Sometimes, I am def majorly thinking too much, in my head too much lol…
I just have to work to create more balance, in every aspect of my life this year at 33 years old now…I’ll work on it, for sure, but as we all know, some things in life are never perfectly balanced. And that’s because…”that’s life!”
Calories up thru lunch are 700…Boss was gonna order me lunch but he had to go to a funeral last minute today so if he doesn’t come by noon I think I’ll just eat what I brought that I was gonna eat after work before gym and then buy a subway sandwich before the gym for extra carbs which will be fine instead of stopping home or having to order lunch in order to save this food. Too much spending money on food lately that I’m throwing away because I’m getting all these free bday meals ;) no complaints here!
Today is a nice schedule. I leave at 4:30pm for the gym to do my fave upper body weights routine. Looking forward to my first weights workout at age 33! Also looking forward to a nice, relaxing, holiday weekend.

1100 after lunch :)

1450 before gym.

1650 after gym, goodnight!

And weight....I am at 124.5!!!!!!!

Gonna continue with this awesome weight loss!!!! Gonna look great for my sister's wedding 1/2 year from now!

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Sep 09, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.2

9/9 Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!!!!!! 33 yrs old today. quite happy actually about a new age, new #, moving past 32 :)...nothing really stands out for me while I was 32...time for 33...to make something of this new year.

950...then going out to eat with parents...maybe a fruit snack or something before cant wait to sleep tonight!

birthday dinner: around 800-1000 def no more I don't think....some fried fish, some other seafood in sauce, sautéed veggies in butter, bite of a plaintain...just a lot of food.

1950 at most? :-D

exercise: PT, 10 min elliptical, 10 min bike...trying to do this more. (left work a tad early to first go to PT at 3pm and then to have the bday dinner)

Progress as of today: -0.2 lbs lost so far, only 6.2 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 09/09/2015:
Happy Birthday! I hope you have a lovely day, enjoy!

ohioraven on 09/09/2015:
You're still a young girl.

thinkpositive on 09/09/2015:
Happy Birthday! Thirty three- a good age!

livinglight on 09/09/2015:
Happy birthday! Hope it's a really fabulous day :)

biscottibody59 on 09/09/2015:
Happy Birthday!

That was a good age for me! I hope you make your year a good one!

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Sep 08, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.2

3am could not sleep, at all, struggled with waking up also from 12-1.Chips and a small banana 230. Yes I did fall asleep and thru the rest of the night after the snack. I think it's bc I had an earlier dinner at 6 and not 7 or 8 as my last meal. also not so many carbs at dinner or afternoon yesterday.

6am lemon water 30 260.

Despite the 3am eating, my day is more balanced with healthy food today. glad I woke up with time to cook / prepare it.

Breakfast at work: pancake made with avocado 100, little bit of oat bran 20?, egg 100, small banana 120 340...with pb I think ? 100 440 and coffee 50? so around 500...

snack: granola bar? 160?

920... eesh...I guess totals for today will be good anywhere between 2200-2300 cals.

it's higher calories because of the 3am snack which in my opinion felt like I needed...I guess I need to eat closer to bedtime or something...or more carbs.

lunch: little bit of chicken around 100?, white rice around 150, tons of cooked spinach around 100??, and some avocado around 70: 420, good.

snack before gym: same as above, no avocado. i'll say 400 since it's prob more cals than i'm estimating anyway.

so total before gym: 1720, good.

Actually more around 1750 had a small chocolate pb cup candy at 3pm

after gym: I think it will be subway sandwich?..depending how I feel & if I get out of the gym early, like I think I will.

2250 and for the first time in an extremely long time I can say that everything I ate today was healthy. And that I didn't eat one protein bar today!

Progress as of today: -0.2 lbs lost so far, only 6.2 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 09/08/2015:
It looks like you have a healthy day planned despite your sleep troubles. I hope you can get some good ZZZZs in tonight!

puddles on 09/08/2015:
Have a great day.

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Sep 07, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.2

Happy Labor Day :)

I woke up around 7am this AM and instead of going back to bed, I got up because I know how important it is for me to be able to fall asleep tonight & def without sleeping pills.

I actually did 2 small loads of laundry this AM so I can feel good about this week to come.  I was gonna just do laundry Saturday but I figured doing it now makes things easier for this week (knowing everything is clean now) and easier for next weekend! Now i'm ready for a 4-day week, or as ready as I can be!  It's good to not have to worry about not wearing some clothes I wanna wear, because they aren't clean yet...now I can have a short week and not worry in the least about clothes. haha....yup!

Plan today is not too much, but I did make plans.  Making even a small plan during the day helps keep me on track when I do have a day off.

So, today I'm going for a massage at 12:30-1:30.  So I guess i'll leave here around 11:45 or so. I don't plan to do anything else before then, just read & do things here at home.  After the massage, I'll pick up groceries and come home. Glad it's a 4 day week because I can pretty much go to the supermarket just once, today, and be done till Friday.

I can cook if I want to, but probably just gonna relax.  I can also tan for a little on my terrace without sunblock - like 10 min on each side....maybe. Pigeons drive me nutz when they fly by....we'll see how it goes, I would say that I would be interested in laying out there for some Vitamin D....it's good for the body.

I am purposely not running to the mall or doing much.  Letting my body rest and heal.  Looking towards big progress with my ankle this month. looking to feel better by the end of this month - this is EXTREMELY important to me.  Why? It's a godsend that the Jewish holidays fall during the week this year & if they didn't I would not have a few extra days off this month...and I need to use them in a way that is going to help me the most...and so far, i'm doing a great job doing just that.

trying to eat a bit more fat and natural food to help my skin improve before Wednesday my bday.  it is getting better, yes. it won't be perfect  on the 9th but better than it was Saturday / Sunday.  Truth is, I sorta do know what to do - just gotta work harder at these things - nutrition...what I do isn't always so wrong, but by doing more things right I probably could be feeling / looking a little better.

7:30am Early snack: 2 plums 100 at very most.

8:45am Breakfast (split into two meals) egg whites 50, chia seeds 10, avocado 80, banana  extra small 100, cinnamon, stevia, and butter on top once cooked 300 at very most. green tea later.

frozen fruit bar and one more plum 100

after massage: high fiber granola bar, water, iced decaf very tasty! around 200.


home: 4pmtwo small peppers around 100,

 5:00 pint of roasted brussel sprouts around 200?,

6pm some eggplant roasted with just a tad of oil 100?, grilled asparagus 50?...followed up by a small chicken burger around 200? on a wrap 100...total home eating: 750.

1450...may end it here.  :)

bed early tonight!





Progress as of today: -0.2 lbs lost so far, only 6.2 lbs to go!

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