so i figured out why my eye has been twitching for over a week, everyday, straight. i need glasses. i am very upset bc i know it's the computer and constant overuse of my eye muscles at work, all day, and overtime.
i am more upset bc i am praying this is the worst of it. i could not bear to have carpul tunnel or anything musculature related also happen. some days my body just cannot sit any more...and my body aches at work sometimes for the constant sitting. i cannot get like this. i hope glasses will be the worst of it. I want to be a cop....and now this office job is really beginning to take a toll. I cannot bear it. I am so upset there are no words. My vision was close to perfect 2 years ago. It is because of overuse, at the computer. and of course i go on the computer a little bit on home. g-d forgive me!
there are no words for how stressed and upset i am.
my bosses give me extra hours and work, since i am taking thurs/fri off. so today, i worked 8-6:30. that is a long time for a desk job, on a Monday, and after the superbowl even if i didn't watch the whole game.
g-d forgive me for the life I have led so far. I will make myself better & stronger. I will become an NYPD officer if it's the last thing I do. I want to prove the the WORLD and MYSELF that really, it is very possible, to do things and become someone you never thought you could be. I need this so badly, so, so badly. I am doing what it takes & trying hard. But now it's becoming a race against time & time is winning....I am trying so hard, but reality is that my job is interfering in all aspects of my life....friendship, family, health, exercise. I don't exercise enough and it seems I can't even make up for it on weekends anymore. it's just not enough. tonight i slacked on cardio, bc i needed more to come home and relax before bed. i won't get enough sleep, since I have to be at work at 7am.
my whole life i've done things i hadn't wanted to....and i was pushed out of everything i started to do well.
other than feeling pissed off....but not utterly lost in life....i am freaking out right now.
bc i know that time is running out on me.
my leg/ankle is still hurting...i jogged for like 5 min at lunch, dumb idea. i will have to "nurse" it lol...yeah right, by only walking the next few days until i have off on Thursday/Fri and maybe try jogging then.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
8am: bigger breakfast of fiber one and almond milk 300, protein bar 230, greek yogurt with chia seeds and chocolate stevia 170: 700.
my leg is still hurting, so my plan is to only walk in the afternoon at the park, assuming the snow has been cleared - they are usually very good about it.
around 2200-2300 today. success.
exercise: at least 5 mi at the park! :-) good.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
Have a good day today :)
couldn't sleep, so 4:30am breakfast: leftover oily cabbage from restaurant in a pita: 400?, yogurt 150, and pretzels 100: 650 good.
snacking in AM: 300
snacking/lunch: 750, good.
snack: 350, healthy small meal
healthy dinner going out to eat & a protein bar i had later at home. 600
I am thinking my calories today were around 2600 at most. 2800
11:30pm: oatmeal w/ almond milk and chocolate raspberry stevia. 200
exercise: boot camp in AM, walking for an hour...
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
2% greek yogurt with stevia, chia, flax: 200
excellent calorie day bc i had a "light" breakfast & lunch (light for me!) of 400 cal and not the typical 600-800 i have been eating at work and home on weekends, lol.
total cals were excellent, 1700! (i actually lose weight, slowly but always, at this calorie level!) ...lifting weights is wonderful for this reason!
exercise: decent! around 5 miles for the day. walking only...because my ankle/shin is still recovering...and i would like to jog/walk on Sunday! tomorrow will also maybe involve jogging. 1.5 mi at lunch, .5 miles to/from car, 3 mi after work. my goal is the 5 mi, but truly i usually get in more like 3.5-4 miles.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
breakfast: fiber one and almond milk 300 :-)
2100 cal
exercise: cardio, yes, but not challenging. i hurt my left foot/ankle somehow, and running/jogging on it actually hurts. since last Friday! I hope it's better by Sunday bc i want to run at the park!
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
... went to bed late, but slept later than i have in many weeks, lol, till 7:30am without waking up during the night. prob went to bed around midnight.
breakfast: fiber one and almond milk 230, banana 140, protein bar 250, yogurt 180: 800, good.
snacking granola bars 260
lunch: 600 spinach, microwave meal, some chicken, 100 cal popcorn
2300 total cal
good exercise...goodnight!
9:30am bootcamp for an hour..
dermatologist apt at 2pm...
5pm appt for apt
all activities involve at least a 1/2 hour driving each way. so at least 3 hours driving today! ....plus some...
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
450 cal
1300...snacking...
1450 cal up to my snack before gym....
still not there though, at work at 6:30 till prob around 7pm.
so i worked yesterday 8-7:30 and today 8-7 and that is a lot!
2250 cal.
Good cardio and small bit of abs at the gym.
Got home around 9:45pm
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
great breakfast: one egg/2 eggwhites 150; low carb tortilla 100; 4% cottage cheese with stevia 150: 400 and water with apricot stevia 0.
snack: decaf coffee and bar. 300 at most.
2050 cal. upper body weights, skimpy 3-4 mi cardio.
was at work 12 hours.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
6:45 breakfast: 2 cups fiber one cereal and almond milk, atkins pb/chocoalate bar 250, 550 then went back to sleep for an hour!
9:45 healthy snack: 1% cottage cheese with some flax and chia seeds mixed in, plus some apricot flavored stevia. 150, and more almond milk around 50.
11am: protein bar, almonds coated in soy/wasabi, and banana 350
2:00pm decaf coffee/kombucha
5pm: more coffee decaf
7pm: big dinner at chinese restaurant, but healthier choices. hot and sour soup, cucumber slices in a soy/peanut oil sauce, lettuce wraps (but the portion was bigger than usual), and some of my friend's fried rice/chicken (decided to splurge.)
plan: back/ankle massage - my left ankle/leg is very weak and has been in pain since Friday. I haven't been able to run and walking has been slow and sometimes painful. also, i plan to walk at the park a bit. Later, driving a little over an hour upstate to see my best friend in her neck of the woods. :-)
exercise: 30 min hard stairclimber, some walking at mall. (not much exercise)
calories, a bit high but my body was "needing" extra carbs/fat i was feeling it!!!, 2500 or so calories. okay.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
early breakfast: small atkins bar 150 and milk100: 250, good. 5am - then luckily went back to sleep.
8am breakfast: fiber one around 200 and milk 100: 300, largish atkins protein bar (hopefully digesting won't kill me during bootcamp haha) 250: 550.
snack: zone bar 200
lunch: 3 medium? meatballs need to guess calories - in a low carb 100 cal wrap, a nice green chopped salad with lemon pieces and onion 100. and a biggish banana 130. 700 cal.
snack: 200
biggish dinner: 700 or so.
2600, decent.
I am looking foward to consuming a lot of veggies and having a good weekend. today will be sorta relaxed after bootcamp. just plannning to see my grandma, go to the supermarket, and walk at the gym maybe an hour or so. tomorrow i will exercise at the gym in the AM, no bootcamp, and drive an hour or so upstate to see my best friend in Westchester, NY. that's it.
i haven't asked my boss, but i am planning to take Wednesday off - if he says no, which I hope he doesn't!!!, I am going to see my future 1 bed co-op apartment that afternoon at 5pm (i'd have to leave work no matter what early!) and if i have the day off, which i should!!, i will go to bootcamp in the AM and a dermatologist apt at 2pm as well on Wednesday. I really am going to move out soon!
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
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Don't freak out. Okay, maybe that's easier said than done. Freak out, then move on. There's nothing more you can do except what you're doing now. If you need to rest, then that is your priority right now, so don't worry so much about tomorrow - just think of what you need to do today, and then do it. And then move on.
Why do you feel like you're running out of time?
V on 02/05/2013:
<3 I am so hoping that you get out of that job soon :(