edit: decided on the "on my couch" option to studying and I'm ok with that! It's now 3:30 though and I'm deciding to take a drive to the supermarket so I can pick up groceries for the week including kombucha and yogurt... if I wait longer I'll be out when it's dark ....and actually after I pick up groceries I'm going for a walk :)
Good Morning :) Very thankful for being able to take a vacation day today.
I slept easily 10 hours from around 11pm to 9am.
I didn't yet make plans for today as i was pretty busy at work yesterday and didn't get around to making plans for today. but that's ok :) i wanted today to be sort of relaxed. I will get in a few things, for sure, even probably laundry...trying to free up my weekend as Saturday i have the class from 9-2pm and Sunday i was able to make plans with my friends for most of the day.
I'll write my potential plans here :)
- signing up for a local 6 hour defensive driving class (rather not take it online at home / work computer not the best idea either) DONE
- most importantly - read all the material for the class i'm taking - or at least skim thru it....to be done at library. OR ON MY COUCH ..and i might as well go next door to library to union hall to change my medical appointments bc i have a conflict, again, lol...they are on a saturday that i thought i'd have free but things changed since that initial plan! :)
- vaccuum (before leaving apt) DONE
- walk outside - but not too long as it's very cold today (1.5-2mi) (doesn't have to be done in 1 shot...) 45 min DOBE
- plan a recipe for spaghetti squash (i enjoy the research online myself) decided on spaghetti squash casserole with ricotta mozzarella and spinach -- will go to fairway today for ingredients
- use stationary bike (30min) MAYBE NOT
- use 5 min on stepper (5min) MAYBE NOT
- do laundry this evening or later afternoon (possibly or Sunday) NOT TODAY
______________________________________________________
9:30 Breakfast cereal 250, almond milk 50, iced coffee 50, and an apple muffin 120. total 470-500.
12:30 lunch wrap 110 with avocado 150 and turkey bacon 150 400, chips 250, whole bag of jackfruit no sugar added 100
Snacks 200 candies, iced coffee, strawberries
dinnet salad with dressing 150, Mac and cheese 350, chips 50 600 kombucha
2100 today
did a 45 minute walk outside. No other exercise and that's ok :) now back to studying
Progress as of today: -3 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
kombucha 50
yogurt 150 and 2 mini apple muffins 250 coffee 50.
500
lighter lunch: tofu 150, brussel sprouts 100 - 250..., chocolate 100, orange 50
1 candy 50
dinner salad 150, microwavable eggplant parm 550, wine 150-200 900 tops
1850 :)
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Over the phone i was saying i was tired when i got home at 9pm, Mom told me last night that "9pm" is not too late to exercise and all of a sudden i see myself doing leg exercises last night at 9pm...i am tired today though (but maybe it's normal tired?) anyways, went to bed later, around 11pm. all is good, tomorrow is a vacation day for me - and i want to plan the day out tonight..it will include some reading of the course material i'm taking.
this am i got in pushups, but was late to work due to train delays :( should have been easy since schools are out this week :(
tonight i'll do my upper body exercises.....may go to a gym after class on Saturday :) still deciding.
Progress as of today: -3 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Drank kombucha and did situps in AM quickly...drove to the train and got a spot so i can go to appt, drive, directly after i get off train....i know this doesn't make sense, but it's good..
kombucha 50
breakfast: 2 small apple muffins 250, coffee 50, yogurt 150. 450
snack the other muffin mentioned above, almonds 100
lunch: tofu up to 150 cal and leftover Indian food: small bit potato 50, lots of spinach creamed 300?, possibly some crackers 150..650.
snacks: plum / persimmon 50
1300
starbucks 350
light meal 400
2050
(remember to leave early at 4:40...)
early dinner: starbucks egg bites? starting to get sick of them though...maybe the egg white bites or a sandwich, not really sure.
7pm is my appointment tonight, ends at 7:45pm. Will not visit parents before or after.
Will study before appointment, sit in waiting room and read thru the Project Manager textbook pages..I hope to get to the therapy waiting room / office around 6:00-6:30pm. so i have about 30 min to study?
(leaving work around 4:40pm) get to car by around 5:20pm..drive there by around 6:30pm?..we shall see :)
Progress as of today: -3 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Would it be rude if you asked your therapist if they can refer you to someone who is closer to where you live?
Maybe this weekend you can carve out a little time for yourself to take yourself out. Are there any walking trails near you, or free museums to check out? Maybe a free bootcamp class in the park or something?
BUT, i have decided to take Friday off. and i will do something nice then :) i will also take care of all chores so i don't have to think about them Sunday...making plans with friends for Sunday :)
the course is interesting, not bad. i feel bad to not at all study, so i am (there are no tests). the teacher is my boss at work - same person!
also, i will tell her i really don't like going...but i'm doing it for my parents. there's a place closer to home that i do know...i will have to facilitate switching places...i have started, but it required paperwork from current place that i can only pick up - so i'm hopefully picking that up today as last week it wasn't ready yet...like anything, it's a process and since it's not lifethreatening, it's also not instantaneous. i just can't be bothered, i am only doing this because everyone else wants me to.
i can get a free pass to several museums, i'll start looking into it as soon as Friday to see what i can do for other days off. i have 5 more days off to use before end of March :)
usually it's a bus to the train (overall an hour half hour each part...)
the busses in manhattan are good and usually have more seating than the subways. both are good routes for different reasons. some people hate the busses, but they are actually not bad - people are afraid to take them like they are for lower class, but that is not so at all. and depends what bus route - same as for the subways.
i don't live near subway, so usually i take the bus to it...
but to save myself a hassle of wasted time in taking a bus home and walking to my car, i park on Wednesdays which is the best day for parking, at the train and skip the bus right now...because of the therapist. it saves me a lot of time both going to work and saves me a half hour of coming back from work on bus to my car ....yes, confusing lol...
breakfast: too rushed for kombucha before work, yogurt 150, muffin 250, coffee 50..450-500
snack almonds cocoa dusted 100
didn't even pack lunch, just rushed out in the AM... truffle mac and cheese microwavable meal, very satisfying, two med tomatoes. 550-600, plum 50
4:20pm chocolate 100, so good.
1350
dinner: will def be chicken breast good larger 300? serving chips 250, squash soufflé microwaveable 200 750 good
2100 good
what i wanted to bring for lunch) on a wrap, maybe with a salad or a pepper or something...and also maybe with avocado
After work tonight: leg exercises only, look over notes...
Progress as of today: -3 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I hope you are able to find a therapist who will suit your needs better. Does your Dad understand that you are not happy with your current therapist? I can also understand - without knowing the details - not wanting to talk anymore and possibly wanting to just move on. I am sure that your Dad simply wants to know you are safe and Okay. The good thing about a therapist is their ability to be objective; maybe bringing up the fact that you don't want to be there (if they don't already know) will initiate a conversation that might be more beneficial for you in the long run than just trying to get through another session? I don't know, just throwing my opinion out there :)
Have a great day at work today!
this therapist right now for these two sessions (2 weeks) doesn't pick up easy on any cues like i'll be talking loads and she'll ask me a question about myself that is slightly related to what i'm saying but not advice or anything or anything to add to what i'm talking about...just a general question:
example: i was talking how i can be all or nothing with food and my approach and what i eat. that i can binge sometimes and found ways to be satisfied by having a "volume approach" to it...
...therapist followed up with "DId you ever do drugs?"
i talk for long periods, but therapist just listens rather than add anything...
other therapist even in the first session was able to guide me, when i needed it, when i wasn't able to drive, she helped me.
i'm not necessarily looking for any more guidance anyways...
but this therapist doens't have as much strength in listening and following thru quickly and with insight on what she hears. old therapist (who was only working 2 years and had a PHD - i don't think this therapist has a PHD) old therapist was MUCH quicker to assess the client (Me) and could tell - she had MUCH MORE instinct as well as commentary. this one leaves me hanging / talking - less insights from this new therapist. 1st therapist was only around 30 years old and driven, this therapist is like 40yrs old and more complacent, though smart, not as forward & direct as old therapist that i had originally for 2 months / like 8 sessions.
especially that all this sitting and all has really started to make me feel run down and out of shape to the point where i have trouble walking 2 miles :(
ahh, i'll work on all of it...i just need to get my act together.
slept like 12 hours 9-9.
breakfast apple cake 250, whipped cream 200, iced coffee 50. 500
will see parents for lunch and walking. In a mood to relax, will read a book this morning before seeing parents..:I'm taking a class and the book is an online version and I'm debating buying a copy but realize maybe I can skim thru the book for a little everyday on the computer at work / print the book out at work...
1150 after healthy lunch with parents - chicken, bread, butter, salad with light dressing
2 oranges 150, a thin mint and another Girl Scout cookie 100 total
Dinner small avocado 300, wrap 100, turkey bacon 150, red pepper 50. plum 50 600
2050
walked with parents around 1-1.5 hours wasn't easy like it used to be - i need to start moving around more, but in increments so i dont injure myself. my cardio is really poor right now, finding it truly hard to improve with my schedule, work.
parents told me they don't want me to stop therapy and dad begged me to continue ...I am upset I must continue as my dad told me he would be extremely upset like that it would hurt him for me to stop. So against my will I am continuing therapy = SUCKS and I don't want to at all which is the worst part.
also with now taking a class where I only have the book online until I print it tomorrow = I am not looking at the material tonight. Maybe I'll look over my notes though from this past Saturday. i guess ill stop reading my fun library books until class is over...theres no time to do both - at least during the week..
i have a lot of vacation days and I don't see myself going on any vacation so I'll take them little by little to balance out this darn class and stress of going to this therapist - now I have to find a place closer to my apt since I cannot continue a ridiculous commute during the week to go to one...
I thought I would have not a therapist and class to take at the same time= once again annoyed
---------
I should go to supermarket later for iced coffee, yogurts, kombucha, eggs, peppers,
I will cook cabbage even if it's overnight for this week...will do yes :) a butter and seasonings recipe in slow cooker with an onion or maybe I'll leave the onion out . Or just half an onion :) less is more is my opinion with onions
plan - see parents for lunch and walk
go directly to supermarket (fairway by me) after to pick up some things for the week
home to clean gp cage / lift weights (skipped a day this week - will do today not tomorrow..)
read book digital copy for class - will read some on my laptop...
cook cabbage overnight
I'm wondering if you find this new therapist to be aversive because she's hitting close to home. Just thinking aloud, but sometimes we don't like when we're confronted with facing things we'd rather not deal with. Not saying this is your situation, but just an observation from my own struggles.
On the other hand, if you truly feel you've healed and reconciled whatever you're working on, then maybe just go through the therapy to get it done. I don't know. You have your thoughts on it. You have your dad's perspective. Is there another third party you could ask for their insight? Do you need the therapy?
this therapist right now for these two sessions (2 weeks) doesn't pick up easy on any cues like i'll be talking loads and she'll ask me a question about myself that is slightly related to what i'm saying but not advice or anything or anything to add to what i'm talking about...just a general question:
example: i was talking how i can be all or nothing with food and my approach and what i eat. that i can binge sometimes and found ways to be satisfied by having a "volume approach" to it...
...therapist followed up with "DId you ever do drugs?"
i talk for long periods, but therapist just listens rather than add anything...
other therapist even in the first session was able to guide me, when i needed it, when i wasn't able to drive, she helped me.
i'm not necessarily looking for any more guidance anyways...
but this therapist doens't have as much strength in listening and following thru quickly and with insight on what she hears. old therapist (who was only working 2 years and had a PHD - i don't think this therapist has a PHD) old therapist was MUCH quicker to assess the client (Me) and could tell - she had MUCH MORE instinct as well as commentary. this one leaves me hanging / talking - less insights from this new therapist. 1st therapist was only around 30 years old and driven, this therapist is like 40yrs old and more complacent, though smart, not as forward & direct as old therapist that i had originally for 2 months / like 8 sessions.
8:30am Oatmeal 170 with homemade whipped cream 250 with some add-Ins (powdered pb and vanilla, sweetener) and iced coffee 50
10am -10:30amchocolate 50, rice cake with pb 130, kombucha 50
12:30 chicken (drumstick) wrap 200, 110, mustard, indian sauteed veggies 100 - 400, strawberries 50
2-3pm - apple and tastes of my baking 100-150
4pm meal wrap and turkey bacon 200, egg egg white 100. 300, 1 banana cookie 150
Apple cake 250
2050.
Hour walk and pushups - will do rest of weights tomorrow morning and just relax tonight and early to bed :-)
Progress as of today: -3 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
am fast leg work before class
Kombucha 60, coffee 60
chocolate 130
11am granola bar 100
shrimp tempura roll 600
3:30pm meal 2 plums and a drink, 100, indian palak and cheese 200? in a wrap 100. pop chips 150..550, and popcorn 100 (hungry and emotional I guess ) gummies 150
6pm wrap and pb 250, jackfruit 100, chocolate 50
2150, good. Very tired second half the day felt exhausted , very emotional eating today.
taking an intro to proj management class 9-2pm
ricky never texted or called - very immature to punish me because of something bothering him. I have gained a lot of knowledge from him and he's helped me but this is why he's not my boyfriend. One day I hope to have another relationship with someone else where there is more of an agreement / shared interest in things rather than such separate hobbies like ricky and I. ricky and I have few common interests and we also have slightly different views of the relationship not always on the same page. He disappoints me time to time and I feel he can be more mature. Also the smoking factor. Yes a friend, still a friend in my heart, but I cannot help him to be someone I want and he is not. Nothing will change. I just hope for someone else one day to satisfy what I am dearly missing with r who is a friend not a lover.
Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
I hope you had a good class. Are you working towards managing projects? (Someday)
Yes that’s why I don’t want therapy at this time. I don’t want to talk right now anyways. And the new person I am going to is horrible I can tell right away after two sessions. But it’s a chore to go and I don’t see anything good other than driving practice.
Happy Valentine's Day!
no kombucha - already bloated and also was rushing so fast...
breakfast: yogurt 150, coffee 50, cookie 150..350..
snacks: almonds 100, chocolate from coworker 110 SO GOOD.
lunch: lefotvers , indian spinach palak piece of cheese 200, tomato, tofu 100, cabbage, cheddar goldfish crackers 150...450
snack: fruit? 100 in two small persimmons , chocolate 50
dinner 2 chicken thighs 400, indian mixed veggies/potato 350?, tastes of spinach, 50, whole wheat wrap 100.900-950, kombucha 50
2100-2150 good. was hungry and indulged in takeout for dinner. and no, ricky never called or texted me today.
maybe get haircut quickly tonight...yes!!!
leg exercises tonight..
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On another note - the other Night - Wednesday night when i had to commute from NYC work to Queens where i parked Car to Long Island where i had therapy appt, also to visit parent for an hour before the appt since it was at almost 8pm, then back home to Queens where i got there around 9pm...
ricky was mad i didn't wait for him or text him much as i was thinking purely about the commute. he thinks i was being "mean" and not responding or paying him attention ----- WELL, YES! that's right...i had a commute that was more important.
i haven't received a HAPPY VALENTINE'S day wish for him....and if that's what's going to be the case, I WILL CERTAINLY NOT go with him to Vegas to use my extra vacation days that expire end of MARCH.
i don't find it becoming of a MAN to be so needy of my attention. and i will NOT be the one to first wish him a happy valentines. sorry,but that effort needs to be put forth FIRST by the man. I will NOT KISS UP TO A MAN, i will NOT CHASE or put in more effort on this holiday than a MAN....
so, sorry to say, i won't travel with him to vegas if he cannot grow balls and act like a MAN instead of a CHILD...i hope he turns this around today!
sorry, but he cannot expect me to give him all the attention all the time. if he cannot understand my commitment on Wednesday and lack of wanting to drive any extra (not even wanting to take 15min to drive him home before my appt, no!) or see him after work as i wanted to just get to my parents and continue on with my own hectic schedule...if he cannot understand that i couldn't put him first this past Wednesday night...
well, if he cannot understand that, then i DEFINITELY cannot understand being with him and trusting him on a short Vegas trip.
I cannot and will not reward him for acting like a 2-year old and not considering me and my schedule. so, if he doesn't look past his own neediness, he's in for a dissapointment and i will possibly go somewhere with someone ELSE! i'm not traveling with a baby.
moreover, we were supposed to do most of the planing of the trip on this coming weekend - starting soon!...and well, i'm not contacting him to make plans. if he cannot grow balls and call / contact me - no apologies are further necessary from me to him in my point of view i don't owe him any apologies.
so if he can't get off his high horse and move on, well, we won't be going away together next month then. i don't need a baby of a man and he does this time to time...annoying baby he can be.
Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
next, R was mad i was just concerned with myself on Wednesday and was annoyed i wasn't looking to contact him/text him back right away, or deal with him on Wednesday. He has actually not wished me a Happy Valentine's DAy. I find his behavior at times to be especially immature for a 59 year old. It's sad, we were supposed to plan a trip to vegas this weekend...but his sometimes volatile behavior always reminds me how i really do not care for when he acts like a baby. i cannot kiss up to him - stoop to his level. i cannot be FIRST to wish him a Happy Valentine's Day. I'm a WOMAN. I will not stoop or chase the man or kiss up to him if i didn't do anything particularly worth apologizing for - he knows my schedule and that's all there is to it!. i Do NOT want him like that - we are good friends - we aren't lovers (perhaps in the past we were). and one of the reasons i don't have the time to find someone else is that i do enjoy the time i spend with him. every time he acts this way, i'm reminded why he's not my boyfriend. but as good friends, he should be wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day and not acting like a sore loser immature kid.
as a good friend of him now, at 37 years old myself, i do hope in my future i will have the opportunity to find another real gentleman one day to spend time with. Ricky will not live forever and i will be left alone one day. I hope there is someone out there that i can love one day.
I would have to tell him - HEY I have to take care of myself before I can take care of your needs, so until I do that, then you will be on your own. I would hate to think he is that clingy and gets mad that you can't text him back, that does seem childish. I hope he comes around and realizes you aren't his beck and call girl....and you can go on your Las Vegas trip. I hope you have a great evening nevertheless.
i appreciate your story.
i do think it's good to have separate hobbies and join each other on different things that each of us likes, but, i am not sure he understands that..
Morning: quickly did pushups, despite it feeling like i didn't have time :) glad they are done. Tonight is upper body, plus i want to walk a little bit of the commute, as long as weather is ok.
kombucha 60
breakfast: homemade banana wheat&oat cookie 150, yogurt 150, coffee 50., later tea
snack: tbd, might just be chocolate 100
lunch: indian food! :chips, tofu, Indian food.
snack: almonds
dinner hmmm...thinking a bagel 260, butter 100, egg/egg white 100, ice cream pint of halo top 350. 800
2050. good
a nice walk home part of way tonight, excellent walking and weather was nice no breeze and in low 40s. I was dressed warm and comfortable on my walk !!!!
Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
home: nothing, R told me his car wouldn't start (OLD CAR that he constantly fixes)....so i rushed to get ready so i could drive my car to the train since today has the best parking & then i can come straight to my car later and drive to the therapy appointmenton Long Island tonight. As much as it's a good challenge for midweek, i'm def in the works to change the place i'm going to - to a MUCH closer place. Just getting the documents they require and getting it set up this month or so. It's taking longer than i'd like, but it's not like I need to rush on it. So, i'm just going along with the procedures, filling out request forms, waiting for documents to be mailed to me first - then i have to bring them to the new place. Lots of leg work here in order to change therapy providers...
Will do Sit Ups tonight, rushed out of the house this AM. Also therapy this PM. Lots of driving, home around 9pm.
Breakfast: homemade banana/whole wheat/oatmeal cookie 150, yogurt 150, coffee 50. 350 total.
snacks: chocolate 70, almonds? 100
lunch: vegan sweet potato/cauliflower and cheese dish 350, a tomato 50, plum or persimmons 50, bread 100
snack: tbd chocolate 50
late evening dinner: starbucks egg bites? 250 and a decaf coffee i think 300
snacks: fiber one bar, gummies. 300 tops
1850 tops, got in my ab work right before bed.
Leaving work early by 20 min because i got here today early @ 8:10, not 8:30am. but i can't say i was totally productive until 9:30am...doing other things online amongst just waking up...sorta.
I'll be out of work by 4:45pm today...
Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
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I love to read your plans, in addition to food lists :)
Awww thanks ....I feel like I am not doing a lot