breakfast 300.
snack 200
snack 150
lunch 400
snack: 200
dinner: 250.
total: 1500.
mood: miserable.
exercise: 10 min cardio, 1.5 hours weights.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
my part time job wants me to come for a 9PM meeting tonight. they called yesterday to "remind me." talk about exhaustion...i've been exhausted. I don't wanna go....it's too late for a meeting....and a half hour away! I guess i'll be going to bed late again tonight.
eating: it's been hell since Saturday. Last night I ate reasonably at dinner at least, not too much of anything.
today: survive. basically, i've just been trying to survive each day and nothing more. I don't feel good thinking this way at all. I"m sorry to complain but i'm going through some tough things mentally right now. I'm still besides myself. I'm screaming on the inside. My skin is just horrible, it proves how i feel on the inside, overwhelmed.
Rescue Me.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
And I think having a meeting at 9:00pm is crazy~Ugh..
Hang in there~as hard as it is sometimes...just hang in there
i'm sorry to complain. i'm upset, frustrated, and completely besides myself. not doing well.
....just trying to get through this week. It's Tuesday. We have company tonight. My chin is totally broken out. I feel so disgusting in general.
I have currently lost control of everything in my life.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
breakfast: i made eggs, toast, and drank some milk: 500.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I have been up since 3am cleaning and trying to get in order. I've been a mess for like a month, my room, my bills...everything's clean now. still need to clean the annoying bathroom before Sunday night hits.
I am majorly aggrivated because of this last minute change of plans that i have no control over. and i would never not help out my best friend. I would feel VERY, VERY guilty.....I don't mind helping me, but I HATE being asked last minute. I was waiting for this weekend, to catch up and RELAX SUNDAY since Monday!!! yeah, i was so glad to make it through this week, after working a damn 14 days straight with not a day off in sight....and now i will not have near as a relaxing weekend because i will be shopping MUCH, MUCH more on Sunday. I dont like shopping....so, if you're interested to know what can possibly aggrivate me so much, read on, you'll see..
Today my plan was to:
- wake up late (like 8:30am)
- stop but a gym to take a look at membership rates and the facilities
- get a massage
- GO SHOPPING for at least a couple hours
- have dinner with grandma (she has an early 4:30 dinner and i was gonna go early, like be there around 3:30 and stay till 5:30 or 6) i haven't seen her for two straight weekends and i usually go weekly...this is important and i can only fit it in because my best friend is going on vacation and because i have Sunday off from work, which is almost never.
- go out to dinner with a good friend
- bed not too late
- Sunday was only to go to a dermatologist appt, shop, and exercise a little, and read...i am not teaching lessons these next two weeks bc the studio is undergoing renovations.Let me reiterate, I wanted to ONLY RELAX Sunday with a small amount of shopping, dermatologist, and gym (that's still a lot of things to do if the plan is only to relax!). I've been waiting for this weekend to finally arrive, to RELAX sunday - with some necessary shopping and the GYM, but the point was to relax as much as i could possibly and humanly do on Sunday. I have not had a day to do this in over a month. i needed it. i deserve it. and i can't. and i really wanted to catch up on my plans....BUT....
My Best friend all of a sudden, as ofLAST NIGHT, is nervous to leave her car at the airport. (she had the ticket and plans to go on vacation for TWO MONTHS) so, as of LAST NIGHT, I will need to drive her ( a different friend than the one i was going to have dinner with tonight) and now my weekend plans are definitely not as simple. I can't do any shopping now because the stores are out of the way. and...since i do want to do some shopping bc i HAVE to get a spring jacket, work shoes, work pants, ...it's not that i want to, it's that i NEED to get these things...i've been working at this job for two months wearing basically the same thing every week and my clothes are slightly too casual...i must get these items!...see?
anyways, i have to cancel dinner with my other good friend, because i need to go to the store later...or just relax....because i'll seriously running around all day.
I USUALLY have been WORKING FRIDAY nights and Sundays. This weekend was my only weekend to ****ing relax. I'm annoyed, but didn't tell all of this to my friend. But really, I'm ****ing pissed off. I made plans...she gets nervous before new things..she's going on vacation alone, i don't want her to be any extra nervous than she has to be, so i will drive her.
but man, i'm ****ing pissed. i'm so darn pissed. damn it. there goes my ****ing weekend that i PLANNED would be a certain way and now everything's ****ing changed. **** it . just **** it.
I need my rest, need my sleep, this week is busy with the Passover holiday (i will still be going to work), we'll have company over at night, this is ****ing too much. i NEEDED this darn weekend. and now i don't have it. and it's NOT MY FAULT. ****, man.
breakfast: coconut water 60, yogurts 240, oatmeal with coconut milk 150: 450....awesome. coconut water i had earlier.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
as of late, i've had a little bout with insomnia...waking up at midnight or 2am and just not falling right back to sleep! it's 2am this time...time for a shower...i didn't take one before bed and i woke up just now feeling quite itchy....TMI!?
calories yesterday were good.
approximately 2050-2100.
exercise: 2 hours of weights :-)
NO Cardio except a walk to and from my car, around 20 min of cardio all day.
allergy season, go away.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
as of late, i've had a little bout with insomnia...waking up at midnight or 2am and just not falling right back to sleep! it's 2am this time...time for a shower...i didn't take one before bed and i woke up just now feeling quite itchy....TMI!? (actually, it's my scalp and upper neck at itch.)
calories yesterday were good.
approximately 2050-2100.
exercise: 2 hours of weights :-)
NO Cardio except a walk to and from my car, around 20 min of cardio all day.
allergy season, go away.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
my weight is back up to 135, currently.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
middle of the night edit: couldn't sleep for hours on end. finally gave in, bc i was hungry, had two blueberry greek yogurts (250 cal) and a small ice cream pop (100)
350 extra cal.
total tuesday cals: 2200, still OK.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
it's bedtime for pizza pie face....damn breakouts.
i'm guessing around 1850 good calories today. nice amount of veggies, carbs, fats. happy about it.
can't sleep, so i'm up. mom woke me up. there's a nursing home resident on the loose and she can lose her job over the situation. she's on the phone with work. and now i can't sleep as i'm all disrupted. i'm not angry about it, but i do wish i were sleeping. we're also having thunderstorms here. could be why i'm not sleeping, too. not afraid of thunder, i'm just totally not in a sleeping mood right now...
life is good that i'm working, have a job and all. but otherwise, i'm always anxious and nervous about my life at the moment. i have a lot of worries about my future and career and how i will support myself in the longrun. And it's not all figured out right now. I know I'll be ok in the long run...well i hope this....but right now i'm not feeling OK at all.
This is the season to look for teaching jobs, but it's also the time I just got a new job 2 months ago about, and they just put me in a new area last week. I'm trying to be interested in this new field they put me in, to train in and learn, but it's hard. It does involve taken at least a course or maybe a few courses.
for some of you who don't know, I'm 28 and I haven't gone a full year in my life without attending some sort of school, either full or part time. even while working, i was attending grad school full time. I HATE school and studying...mostly because i can't seem to escape it.
I mean, learning is fun, but if i have to STUDY and be graded on what i learn, and use my free time outside of work to sit on my ass to be in school, it's plain old not what i want, you know? when i'm done with work for the day, I'd like to be D-O-N-E....not sitting in a classroom or studying or doing more work. when does it end? and when does life begin?
so you see? i'm thankful for an opportunity to learn new skills and a new job, but it's so tough when i don't know if the teaching thing is going to work out...and when i'm being told i can become trained in the next 6 months and be good to go. It's the same 6 months i'll be looking for a teaching job. but these 6 months i'm supposed to be very eager to learn the new trade. I can't tell anyone at work, bc they would see i don't care and be confused why they offered me this deal in the first place. I'm stuck and alone and it's not an easy position for me to be in right now.
i find myself sickeningly hungry all morning at work. i always feel better after lunch, in the afternoon. weird thing is, i DO have breakfast. I do have a snack. but my body is just so damn hungry in the morning. even when i eat too much. i've been told that it's because of stress and not that i'm hungry. who knows!
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
calories : 950 throughout the day, then 150 in sugary but sorta healthy coconut water and juice...
1100...
dinner was big: 4 small candies 60, steamed veggies 60?, two healthy sushi rolls - 450?, big soup 100?, and ice cream 100: around 800 or so.
total: 2,000 or so. haha, milkshake after dinner, at least 2500 calories today.
exercise: around 5 miles today. 3 in morning, 2 in late afternoon.
taught 5 music lessons.
need to send out resumes tonight/tomorrow morning.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
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ahh, get better, girl :(