binged all weekend.
for two weeks, i've been binging.
feeling like i just want a vacation but that i can't take it.
i was a lazy bum today...procrastinating on an assignment for work, starting at 7:45pm and ending at 1am...there's the possibility that i didn't start my week off right...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Update 1:
i've quit my Sunday music lessons job. it was TOO MUCH. as you can see from my entries, i was completely overwhelmed and not in a good way. when i had my first weekend with lessons off, and i still couldn't accomplish everything, i was practically depressed and binged for 3-4 days. i was besides myself and i can't even believe how much trouble i was having in getting out of that "depressed" feeling. it was horrible, and it's over now. it's saturday, weekend, and i can sleep past 5:30am. i feel so much better today.
On a different note, I have HOMEWORK for my new job. I do get paid, which is more than i could ask for - quitting lessons but not missing out on MONEY! amazing. i did kinda need a totally free weekend, and this work is gonna take hours, but i'm happy overall. not gonna turn down work. at least i can do it at home or whereever i want...library if i choose would be a good place too, there are private rooms i can use which would be kinda cool if i get distracted at home. i can listen to music or watch tv while doing it, unlike at work. nice! i must concentrate, so maybe not TV. since i need my eyes to do the assignment! haha. it's very detailed, visually.
so i quit music, but it seems that i may not be totally at a loss for money. we'll see if every weekend gives me a shot at earning money. i would like that.
if not, that's ok too. hopefully this assignment won't take more than FOUR hours, it potentially can...haha.
ladies, i'm feeling good. thank god.
Saturday:
exercise: hour of cardio at the gym.
breakfast: 300. yummy. oatmeal, greek yogurt. love this breakfast. satisfying and warming.
snacks: coffee, granola bars 300
big, big lunch: 1,000 mostly 600 calories worth of the chocolate covered edamame. all good, man.
dinner:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Friday:
wahoooooo!
happy Friday girls ! Ladies, yeah, happy friday! I made it! yes!
i haven't thought about exactly how this weekend will proceed. i know my grandma's gonna be at our house for dinner either saturday or sunday....exact plans are not decided and that's alright for now...
breakfast: 320.
enjoyed extra dark chocolate covered edamame during the night when i woke up with a small appetite.
calories for friday at the high point are approximately 2350.
i'm beginning to feel MUCH better.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
calories before dinner: 1100.
calories after dinner/today: up to 1900...i doubt i ate more than that.
exercise: one hour weights.
during the night i woke up with a slight appetite, i decided to enjoy some dark chocolate covered edamame that i bought from Trader Joe's...so good...
2350 calories, i think, at the max today.
i'm beginning to feel much, much better. thankful.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
breakfast 300.
snack 200
snack 150
lunch 400
snack: 200
dinner: 250.
total: 1500.
mood: miserable.
exercise: 10 min cardio, 1.5 hours weights.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
my part time job wants me to come for a 9PM meeting tonight. they called yesterday to "remind me." talk about exhaustion...i've been exhausted. I don't wanna go....it's too late for a meeting....and a half hour away! I guess i'll be going to bed late again tonight.
eating: it's been hell since Saturday. Last night I ate reasonably at dinner at least, not too much of anything.
today: survive. basically, i've just been trying to survive each day and nothing more. I don't feel good thinking this way at all. I"m sorry to complain but i'm going through some tough things mentally right now. I'm still besides myself. I'm screaming on the inside. My skin is just horrible, it proves how i feel on the inside, overwhelmed.
Rescue Me.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
And I think having a meeting at 9:00pm is crazy~Ugh..
Hang in there~as hard as it is sometimes...just hang in there
i'm sorry to complain. i'm upset, frustrated, and completely besides myself. not doing well.
....just trying to get through this week. It's Tuesday. We have company tonight. My chin is totally broken out. I feel so disgusting in general.
I have currently lost control of everything in my life.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
breakfast: i made eggs, toast, and drank some milk: 500.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I have been up since 3am cleaning and trying to get in order. I've been a mess for like a month, my room, my bills...everything's clean now. still need to clean the annoying bathroom before Sunday night hits.
I am majorly aggrivated because of this last minute change of plans that i have no control over. and i would never not help out my best friend. I would feel VERY, VERY guilty.....I don't mind helping me, but I HATE being asked last minute. I was waiting for this weekend, to catch up and RELAX SUNDAY since Monday!!! yeah, i was so glad to make it through this week, after working a damn 14 days straight with not a day off in sight....and now i will not have near as a relaxing weekend because i will be shopping MUCH, MUCH more on Sunday. I dont like shopping....so, if you're interested to know what can possibly aggrivate me so much, read on, you'll see..
Today my plan was to:
- wake up late (like 8:30am)
- stop but a gym to take a look at membership rates and the facilities
- get a massage
- GO SHOPPING for at least a couple hours
- have dinner with grandma (she has an early 4:30 dinner and i was gonna go early, like be there around 3:30 and stay till 5:30 or 6) i haven't seen her for two straight weekends and i usually go weekly...this is important and i can only fit it in because my best friend is going on vacation and because i have Sunday off from work, which is almost never.
- go out to dinner with a good friend
- bed not too late
- Sunday was only to go to a dermatologist appt, shop, and exercise a little, and read...i am not teaching lessons these next two weeks bc the studio is undergoing renovations.Let me reiterate, I wanted to ONLY RELAX Sunday with a small amount of shopping, dermatologist, and gym (that's still a lot of things to do if the plan is only to relax!). I've been waiting for this weekend to finally arrive, to RELAX sunday - with some necessary shopping and the GYM, but the point was to relax as much as i could possibly and humanly do on Sunday. I have not had a day to do this in over a month. i needed it. i deserve it. and i can't. and i really wanted to catch up on my plans....BUT....
My Best friend all of a sudden, as ofLAST NIGHT, is nervous to leave her car at the airport. (she had the ticket and plans to go on vacation for TWO MONTHS) so, as of LAST NIGHT, I will need to drive her ( a different friend than the one i was going to have dinner with tonight) and now my weekend plans are definitely not as simple. I can't do any shopping now because the stores are out of the way. and...since i do want to do some shopping bc i HAVE to get a spring jacket, work shoes, work pants, ...it's not that i want to, it's that i NEED to get these things...i've been working at this job for two months wearing basically the same thing every week and my clothes are slightly too casual...i must get these items!...see?
anyways, i have to cancel dinner with my other good friend, because i need to go to the store later...or just relax....because i'll seriously running around all day.
I USUALLY have been WORKING FRIDAY nights and Sundays. This weekend was my only weekend to ****ing relax. I'm annoyed, but didn't tell all of this to my friend. But really, I'm ****ing pissed off. I made plans...she gets nervous before new things..she's going on vacation alone, i don't want her to be any extra nervous than she has to be, so i will drive her.
but man, i'm ****ing pissed. i'm so darn pissed. damn it. there goes my ****ing weekend that i PLANNED would be a certain way and now everything's ****ing changed. **** it . just **** it.
I need my rest, need my sleep, this week is busy with the Passover holiday (i will still be going to work), we'll have company over at night, this is ****ing too much. i NEEDED this darn weekend. and now i don't have it. and it's NOT MY FAULT. ****, man.
breakfast: coconut water 60, yogurts 240, oatmeal with coconut milk 150: 450....awesome. coconut water i had earlier.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
as of late, i've had a little bout with insomnia...waking up at midnight or 2am and just not falling right back to sleep! it's 2am this time...time for a shower...i didn't take one before bed and i woke up just now feeling quite itchy....TMI!?
calories yesterday were good.
approximately 2050-2100.
exercise: 2 hours of weights :-)
NO Cardio except a walk to and from my car, around 20 min of cardio all day.
allergy season, go away.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
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same here with the binging... :( Something's in the air... I also feel like wanting vacations... also can't take it. :-(
loveray on 04/25/2011:
hope you have a better week this week! xoxo
Umpqua on 04/25/2011:
I hope this is a better week for you!