Thanks to everyone here for your kind words. It's nice to be on the receiving end and I am so glad to see you all still here posting. I have my phone but not laptop and hope to start commenting back very soon.
It's 7:51am and I'm sitting in the waiting room to go into this partial program I have to do for a month I think - more details to follow as I don't really know what it's about. Not glad to do it but realize I have to do it to go to work so I just have to go with the flow as I have already done for 3 weeks now in a hospital and oh, the stories. Better left unsaid.
7:30an breakfast wrap 100 with turkey and cheddar 150, coffee with some cream and milk from 7-11 100.
Snack only if necessary- maybe a protein bar or Rice Krispie treat - have both with me pretzels 200
lunch - same as breakfast - I did limited shopping and living with parents - glad their house is not too tiny - 4 bedrooms so one for parents, one for sister who comes frequently with her baby who is almost a year and he gets his own room too..... 550 so healthy wrap, salad and light dressing and small popcorn
Chocolate 100, apples 200, drink aminos - trying to exercise but home with parents and a baby and sister so bored and frustrated as I've been around so many people for around a month and want to exercise abs be alone , chips 50, aminos 50
dinner meatballs not too much 300, 200 noodles, salad 150. 650
2100 ugh. Frustrating eating with parents bc It's harder to eat lower cals bc of different rating times and no privacy / independence but food is good just no schedule right now
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Hi all! Took a longer than normal break bc I had to. Didn't have internet access where I was. Talk about it another time as it's draining to discuss. It was quite nuts what happened and i was in hospital and I am now in a month long I think day program starting tomorrow...then going back to work in around one month or a bit more I believe- don't have full details actually as it starts tomorrow.
breakfast 700
snack Apple 100, candies and veg chips 50
Late 3:30pm lunch chips 200, wrap with turkey 200, Israeli salad with dressing 200. 600.
1450....
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
Do what you have to do to heal. Health is everything. (((hugs)))
Pretty unwell right now needing time to recover. Made a very bad decision and just recovering now.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
Again taking time with my family.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
Have you had the opportunity to talk to your dad about your anxieties, with respect to the job and stuff? Or do you think this is something better worked out from within yourself?
I do apologize if my comments were harsh. It's not a good time for me at work, so anything law related is likely to be cast in a negative light, from me, at least, right now.
oatmeal and milk 230, yogurt 130. 360.
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I am still stressing, a lot.
I'm not about to lose my job but i do not feel certain i'll have this same one forever or for the same pay. I don't feel confident i could do a higher level of work, either, in this industry. I'm extremely stressed out.
I'm looking over the court assistant book - test is in 2-3 years but i'm not confident that i'd get that job either when the opportunity comes. I feel so worthless. I may take an online course in paralegal, but first want to get thru the study guide that i have at home.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
The paralegal classes are a good idea. That is what I did when I realized I had to get back into the workforce.
Are there other civil service jobs you could do?
However, one of my peers finished in a year. She was not working though, which is how she managed that. AND she got really lucky that she was able to get into all of the classes she signed up for. I ran into trouble a couple of times when the classes I wanted were already full. (This is why I do not work in Family Law, because I could never get into the class.)
I feel that if you want job security and great pay, be a nurse.
Couldn't you try for a job, say in the Assessor's office or water billing or something else that is administrative?
did some abs crunches before breakfast :)
Oatmeal with whole milk 230, apricot yogurt 130, iced coffe 50.
noon lunch: apple 100, wrap and avo 300, egg 100. 500.
3:30 pb on cracker
1100
prob around 2000.
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at 10:30am, i'm attending a 5k (turns out the walk was shorter than a 5k, and we left just as my back was starting to bother me as i don't walk much lately, so the walk was good and not overboard) walk for Autism- was invited by a club i'm in and paid $20 last night. I'm not sure how much i'll do - we'll see how i feel. either way, rest of the day i will be home. it's close - which reminds me i must be ready to leave my place aound 9:30 which is in a half hour! boy does time fly - especially today as i was thinking to look over some legal words. I guess i can do that later, in the afternoon...
Tonight i have a dinner to attend - the nice thing is that it's RIGHT around the corner at the union hall by my apt. I told Ricky i'd go with him.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
It's probably for the best that it wasn't a 5k after all. Still a great cause!
kombucha 50
wrap and avo 300, egg 100
half donut 150, coffee 50, almonds 50
lunch 600
4pm large apple 150
dinner: dried okra 200, 2 kiwis 100, yogurt 150 - 450
pb on cracker150
2050
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
kombucha 50
breakfast: wrap with butter and egg 350 and coffee 50.
snack: almonds 100
lunch: brisket 200, cooked greens 50, roasted cauliflower 100, ..apple 100..450
snacks:chocolate 100
home: sushi and miso soup (fast and easy place by me, very inexpensive) 600 tops.
1750 tops.
weights tonight.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
kombucha 50, coconut water 50
breakfast 400 usual egg breakfast.
almonds 100
lunch: chips 150, meat 200 brisket, salad and dressing 200. 550
chocolate 80
apple 100, juice 100
pb on cracker 100
1600
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hey all - thanks for your advice, it's appreciated. i do not have anything yet to write back, but will do it later. i still am not in the best place. all the teacher (cheaper) programs i was looking into don't want someone that has the degree already - they were programs for other teaching degrees.
I really am a little stuck still - as i don't see an increase in the salary i make now based on my limited skills and i'm a bit worried about my long time plan for when i'm older.
All those years that i put into exercise, well, they paid off in looks but not in career goals. That's around just over 8 years of a mentality that that was what i wanted.
even the court assistant job, it's going to be low pay at first. i don't even know if i have the capacity to do the job or would be hired. but it's a step down from where i am at - and right now i am not making big $, but i AM making enough to save for my future / future retirement.
i was looking back at my transcripts from college - i really should NOT have majored in music, that's for sure. i did HORRIBLE my first year and a little better each year after. i even got a perfect average my last semester in undergrad. my masters went ok. in general, i didn't put enough effort in and this is where i got me.
One of the reasons i can save for the future and live alone is because my apt is not expensive. i'm lucky and in a "rent-controlled" apt. it's not for low income, but it's still rent controlled.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
also, believe it or not, my certification is in Music (kindergarten thru 12th grade) and that is my bachelors. my masters is similar, band conducting education degree.
so, sadly, believe it or not, with such SIMILAR degrees, i am totally not qualified to teach earth science!
upon further research, i would also have to take physics or chemistry...so, nevermind the earth science!
i was thinking english also....but this is just dreaming right now.
i have SO LITTLE core classes in all of my education (a lot of it was either a few education classes or music or VERY FEW electives) that i would have to take probably at least 2 years of college again - along with state tests...it doesn't seem worth it right now / right away.
i DO have a job. it may not pay great, but right now it is OK. i wouldn't want to leave it, and face not getting a job again.
so much to think about.
but, to be any teacher besides music, i would def need more schooling bc the ceritification is very, very narrow for music - just music. if, when i got my masters, i could have done it in a different subject, then i could have taught something else too.
I'm not sure if teaching is more job security. My teacher friends here in Illinois already know that the money they've invested in their pensions won't be there when they retire. Of course, New York is probably different, but just sayin'... In fact, Chicago public school teachers are preparing to strike later on this week. And not too long ago, the charter school teachers had to go on strike.
I do not think there is anything as "job security" any more, to be honest.
You might consider that your potential may lie outside of your career or education, too.
I truly feel for what you're feeling and dealing with.
i do consider what you said about my potential - it's difficult for me to find something to pursue / taking a break now from thinking deep on a new venture, not now.
thanks for your understanding. ...wishing your son strength.
kombucha 60
breakfast: wrap and butter 250, egg 100 coffee 50.
almonds 140
lunch - leftovers from home..salad with dressing 200, leftover tofu chipotle meal 250, some rice 50. 500
evening snacks big peach and almonds 250
late snack: muffin with cheese (yuck) 250 and 2 plums 100. 350.
1750 tops.
4day:1990
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I am absolutely feeling scared of my future and stuck right now. i do not know what direction to take right now, other than think about it a little bit more.
You cannot just spend time in school - like i have. i have to work, that's the part that i screw up in...
I cannot bear not living up to any potential and just am not sure which way to go.
I feel scared staying in this industry and scared of my future.
Some things are great with this industry, i could learn how to be a project manager except i do not feel confident in my abilities in this fashion.
I am totally stuck
My dad is one of the most powerful people in this field on the end of the union side...but somehow i do not feel safe as i have to pave my way and nothing in the union is fully by politics meaning you do have to do your job, OF COURSE...generally.
My dad is so fair, he helped me to where i am.
I'm lucky i am making a living, but i do not feel good about my life or choices.
I have degrees in teaching music and i got them around 2004-2007 finished my masters. So it's been 16 years since i started teaching, 12 years since i stopped.
It feels a lifetime ago.
I do not feel confident to go back and teach band, i'd rather start from the beginning...like be an earth science teacher.
thing is, i don't have that certification & have to pay my bills.
i am unsure what to do, i see some NYC programs.
I am going to research more.
Progress as of today: -2.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
Have you spoken to your dad about your fear regarding the uncertainty of the field you're in? Obviously, he's been around a while, has seen a lot, knows people, climbed his way up (or however he got to where he's at).
I'm wondering if Dad would have some insights or encouragement for you if you stay in this field.
This is not a solution, but just an idea: do you have friends who are still in the band teaching area? Perhaps you could give private lessons. I know they can be expensive, so if you offer something that is less expensive, maybe to beginner band students, that might be an outlet?
Research as much as you can. Make pro/cons lists. Be patient with yourself. Remain calm. (I assure you from my own life experience that remaining calm in stressful situations is the only productive way to a solution. Freaking out, anxious, anger/frustration - only bad things can come of this.)
I also agree with the private tutoring in music. My nieces have a private tutor for ukelele, and it is making all the difference in their progress.
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You are sounding good....and so happy that you are back...it just wasn't the same without you here....it felt like we were missing a team member......
I appreciate your kind words BEAR :-)
Very kind of you!
legcramps on 11/12/2019:
So nice to hear from you! I hope you are doing well. Sending lots of good wishes...
So good to see you are still here !
Maria7 on 11/12/2019:
HOP, we all love you and glad to hear from you. You have always been very supportive of everyone here at DD and have spent many hours of your time encouraging others. Praying you are soon much better. Love, Maria
Thanks Maria I appreciate your loving comments :) I am looking to begin commenting soon - don’t have a computer with me now
innerpeace on 11/12/2019:
Hope you are better!
Getting there oh yes !
Donkey on 11/12/2019:
Isn't posting on your phone just maddening? (lol)
That IS nice that your folks (still) have a large enough house to accommodate an expanded family or guests. I think that's a lovely thing. A warm cozy feeling when I read that.
On the other hand, I completely understand the desire to want to be alone. Not sure if you consider yourself to be introverted, but I am definitely introverted, and need my alone time to recharge. I guess that's what sleep is for?
Lol I could sleep for hours and hours !!!!!!
Yes staying with my folks has been okay.....
Thank you for your lovely comments .....!
Phone DD use does stink royally!
happy-1 on 11/13/2019:
Hugs. Feel better. Glad you are doing so well... Missed you!
I missed you too!