EDIT: It's an interesting game I play with myself. Not sure why i continue to eat like an elephant. but i do. kinda a waste, when i try so hard physically to look a certain way. Yeah, it's starting to get REALLY old. I know i've said that before.
What I mean is that it's just old, looking large and flabby, almost 27 years old. What is the justification? I will certainly not attract the type of guy I want to be with acting so foolishly, so why not change?? And that is my goal. As thinn wrote, I must go back to thinking one day at a time. Because this month has been rather a waste in terms of weightloss and progress.
exercise: SIX miles at the park, mostly walking, but fast. I never sweat that bad since my trip to the middle east, Israel, not too long ago! wow, i did sweat tonight.
goodnight all. tomorrow's a new one.
got a test tomorrow. haha, it won't be 9pm before i start studying....not good, not good.
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i'm having huge ups and downs lately, especially in my eating. i cannot bear to leave any comments right now.
2335, 19 day average. (well, now i'm almost at a full two pound gain...since my uppermost to maintain is more like 2,000 per day...)
goal for 21 day average: 2250 = the next two days at 1400-1500 calories. 1.5 pound gain...if i eat well two weeks straight, i can lose the 1.5 lbs. it's just a matter of doing this.
VERY possible. tomorrow should be pretty simple as well as thursday. and friday i should be ok too, despite 3 tests. everything else should be SIMPLE. lol, i think i'm forcing myself to believe this. tomorrow i have the therapist, thankfully!
it's almost 10:30am. I'm almost done with my project for school. I took today off, LOL, the last day of all my sick days for the first school year. I had until Sept 1st to use them, and boy did I plan well! They lasted me until today. :) I woke up very groggy and knew today would be a great day to take off, after yesterday's theme park adventure!
It's also turned out to be a Beautiful Day! I may just stop by the beach later. Or the park since I do need to study. But let me tell you, this is a nice day. It was raining early in the morning when my alarm went off, but now it's really nice out.
Breakfast: loads of diet soda before breakfast. then, piece tofu 50, large bowl of fiber one and soymilk: 310, large coffee 40. total: 400.
early snack: 2 yogurts, more diet soda: 250
total so far: 650. happy...
11am-12pm: salad w. nuts 200, popcorn 240, sandwich w. cheese/turkey 480, 90 cal bar, fiber one bar 150, mtazah 30, pretzels 110, horrible microwave meal 300, cereal w. soy milk 700. total here: 2300.
2950. sorbet 350, chocolate chips 440, bread 110, butter 70, cream cheese 100. i combined all those ingredients (except the sorbet, of course) to melt into something darn tasty.
total: 4020.
snack: ?
exericse? feet are sore...walked barefoot on concrete all day yesterday at the waterpark. we shall see.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
great day today at splish splash water park with 2 other girls. :)
i ate really healthy, too. amazingly i was able to make good choices throughout the day.
breakfast: lots of a diet drink, eww, i know. then, cereal and milk 180, later a yogurt and tofu 160. around 350 total with those diet drinks.
lunch: grilled chicken salad, diet coke: 300 at most.
dinner: humungous. but, all veggies. a salad w. grilled chicken 400 at most, then broccoli in olive oil and garlic: hmm, 300? and then mixed veggies in butter but i was hungry and enjoyed it even though i don't love veggies in oil - 300? total dinner: 1,000 or so.
total today: probably 1650 at most. good day, tons exercise around the park. happy.
goodnight.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
calories have been high the past few days, but at least they are NOT in the 3,000, 4,000 or 5,000 range. and, besides yesterday when i spent my day at home trying to get a project done, I've been very physically active. Friday I got in 5 miles before going out. and this morning i walked 4.5 miles, had a relaxed afternoon, but did get in 2.5-3 more miles in the evening. so today i got in at least 7 miles, which is great. :)
eating went awry today. i had 1,000 cal just in cookies alone when i visited my grandma. but then somehow got back on track a bit.
total calories consumed before 3pm: 2,000
total calories today: 2250.
average 17 days calories per day: lol, 2274. one calorie per day less than yesterday. that's pretty funny. all this means is that i really do need to work on lowering my calories in the days ahead.
tomorrow i'm going to splish splash, a water park. yup, taking the day off from school. and i'm so excited. of course, i'm a bit nervous about the foods there, and i will NOT be bringing stuff with me. I don't want to even think about preparing food for tomorrow. and i'm still trying to finish that project tonight for school. it would be horrible to have to come home tomorrow night and work on this project after a day at the water park.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Have a great Monday!
NOT A GREAT DAY, BY ANY STRETCH. CALORIES: 2250. NO DINNER. UPSET. ANGRY. HATING THIS DARN SCHOOL PROJECT. IT'S AN ART PROJECT...AND I HATE ART.
2275, 16 day average. 1.25 lb gain.
SORRY GUYS, LIFE IS TEARING ME APART.
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new day, new entry.
breakfast: 10 cal vit water and other stuff, coffee, ices: 200
snack: large bowl fiber one, soy milk, few grapes, lots of some "diet squirt" lol, never heard of that soda before. it's like a citrus flavored soda. 330.
large lunch, very large: 1:30-2:30pm: smart ones lasagne w. extra broccoli i cooked 400, salad 70, strawberries 50, another smartones meal 300. 2 pieces of matzah onion flavor 200: total: 1020.
total so far: 1550...2 more matzah, 200, 2 cookies 200, 2 apricots 70, 2 yogurts 220 total to add: 690 = 2240. blah.
dinner: GRRRRRRRRRRRRR. NOTHING, NOTHING, AND NOTHING. EXCEPT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING DIET. SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF AND SCHOOL. I HATE THIS DARN PROJECT. F. IT.
i am hungry today. and i will have something else before starting this home project. my goal for today will be 2,000 cal. i will get exercise in, so that's fine. probably staying in, renting a movie tonight. easy day, quiet day, i have some work for school i want to do.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Do you see a connection too or am I making too much out of it? (could be, who knows)
EXCUSE ME, but what the H does ART have to do with X-Ray Technology??? Stupid projects -- WTF. Seriously, I'd do a half-ass job and leave it at that. Just get the basics. Tell the instructor it's "abstract minimalist". Sometimes you just gotta spit out a project and move on. Honestly, if it's not going to affect YOUR JOB after you get out of school, who cares?
Now if you were blowing off an exam in anatomy/physiology, then I'd be concerned.
PS I used to do my mom's artsy projects when she was in college going for her nursing degree. So I know where you're coming from. WTH does art have to do with nursing???
Not really... I enjoyed the foods I ate and still do sometimes..It got to a point of those foods not working anymore and me having to make sure that the Cholesterol was good in whatever I ate after learning my levels were too high in areas and too low in others...... The main trouble I have got hung up with is called "life" and how I can't change things that are happening...I CAN change the way I react though and that is to not EAT when there isn't a true need...... The anxiety attacks didn't help me out in how I felt overall eaither...Haven't had one in a month & that has helped my mindset..Of course yesterday, the day I decide to start back faithfully with DD, TOM had to come...FIGURES! Still got in the walk & another tonight...Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2277, 15 day avg cal per day.
60 kombucha from last night. (it's a drink, you can look online to read up on it)
breakfast: ices, coffee: 160
snacks: strawberries and diet drinks and coffee: 150
total: 370.
lunch: 400
770...
3 huge bowls cereal, 900 and i will have popcorn. 250 more.
total: 1920....and a drink or two tonight.
drinks: 1.5 ultra beers (really low cal) 150 cal or so, yeah, that's it! :)
total cal approx: 2100 to make it an even number. :)
totally fine count for today. happy that i didn't blow another day out of control, for sure. :)
tomorrow i want to do a few things to catch up on things. i want to do a project i have for school, i was supposed to go to a block party but i really need to get things done, seriously. so i'm not gonna go. :( i feel bad telling her i would, but i really need saturday to get things done.
exercise: FIVE MILES. jog/walk. was GREAT.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
friday entry: it is still thursday, but i was so happy with calories. so this will be tacked onto friday: 60 calories from a kombucha thurs night. i am stressing. not able to study. constantly drinking something. dying not to be in school, taking tests again. a bit overwhelmed. and angry.
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if anyone is more interested in my therapy session, i wrote a little bit more in a comment i made to donkey today on her entry. take a look if you're interested. i didn't want to put it here, since it was meant to her, initially.
thurs entry:
breakfast: ices, coffee: 160
snack: flavored waters
lunch: large salad, healthy. 400
snack: ices, 2 of them, 240, and popcorn 250 total: around 500
total b4 dinner: 1060.
dinner: 300 cal - 2 cups fiber one, almond milk.
i am tired.
exercise: 4 miles, feeling better after exercise. total cal: 1360.
14 day average: 2290. APPROX weight gain over those 14 days: 1.16 lbs.
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wed entry:
small binge, but i'd rather call it an indulgence this evening. therapy was good, but i did overeat anyway, after.
breakfast: 400
snacks: vit waters, 50
lunch: 350: salad, soup, soy chips
snack: fiber one bar. 150
dinner: microwave eggplant rolletes 350, salad 70, peppers 120, 2 medium apricots 70 or so. total:610
binge after dinner: two rolls, butter: 350, very small bowl cereal 100, popcorn250 total on binge: 700.
total dinner and binge: 1410. daily total: 2360. awww, shucks. a bit high. :(
13 day average, 2362. ha, same as yesterday.
exercise: none? i don't care, i'm stopping by the gym. how could i not. but it's so late, 8pm, i haven't studdied. well, oh well! gym it is. 25 min elliptical.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
wedndesday: new entry below.... :-)
breakfast: roll w. egg 200, fiber one and milk 160, coffee 40, 400.
snacks: vit waters:
lunch:
snack??, followed by therapy:
dinner, WILL NOT BINGE after therapy, as would be tempting:
walk after dinner tonight probably.
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so tomorrow is my first therapy appointment. last time was just gathering data, like a month ago, and not with the same person. i hope it goes well. and it would be kinda GREAT if she supported me having some sort of anti anxiety pill. i don't know, it's always worse around PMS time, like last week, before TOM this week...
so today was good with calories, 1500.
and exercise was good, too. 45 min elliptical, 15 min bike, and weights, and abs, and back. so i did it all, 2 hours approx. exercising. not too shabby. and like i said, i shall only do weights 3 or 4 times a week. NO MORE.
i need to make sure i'm getting sleep. or i'm done for! especially with eating.
my legs have thinned out a little, so i am wearing my old scrubs tomorrow. they are a size smaller, a little tight on the butt, but hey, they look better with my long polo top than the larger ones that stick out around the belly and make me look pregnant or just weird. so these are actually better, although a bit tight. the legs are better. it's just around the hips. but who cares, they look better than the other size!
today has been a low stress week. i'm just observing MRI. we don't actually get tested on it. just a week to see what it's all about. the machine broke today, so i saw even less. also, i get out early this week by a whole hour on mon, tues, thurs. like i said, easy week.
next week my class is going to see the "bodies exhibit." I've already seen it, and it's expensive. but i'll do the right thing, and join my class so we can all be together on a trip and take monday off from school. I will ALSO take ANOTHER day off next week, thankfully it's not the most important of rotations in the hospital, to go to a water park with my best friend, possibly one or two other people. we figure we'll go on a weekday, when it's less crowded!
so that's my story.
i haven't been studying too much, mostly in the mornings for a half hour at school, and i've been putzing around the internet too much.
but all in all, August is shaping up to be a nice month. And I am SO GLAD I have FINALLY started up with weights again. After a 2 year hiatus.
ok, i am not on a high, and i will not be on a low tomorrow and overeat. no way, no how.
(2362, 12 day average.)
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Yeah, I'm back counting calories. I didn't do too badly during my vacation/travels period, but it's nice to be able to eat one's food again. At leat I know what I put in it!
Good luck with your therapy. Let us know how it went...
Tuesday
breakfast: fiber one and milk: 160, roll w. egg 200, coffee 40: 400.
snacks: vit waters 50
lunch: peas w. some oil cooked 150, soy chips 160, small salad 30 drink 10 total: 350.
total so far: 800.
probable snack: chocolate bars 200, blueberries 80, 3 med apricots 70 total: 360
1150
dinner: quesadilla microwavable 280, maybe a kombucha 60
probable total: 1500.
exercise: possibly 6 mi...maybe just 4 depending how i feel. it's the TOM. haha. finally, i was starting to wonder when it would show up.
2362, 12 day average.
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Monday
healthy big breakfast: 480.
snack: propel waters 40
lunch: huge salad. all healthy. 450
snack: grapes 80, choc pops 200
1250 plus dinner...
6 shrimp110 , drink 25, small salad 25, celery 20, 2 large portabella mushrooms micowaved w. seasonings 70, bean salad w. those mushrooms 140: approx. 400 ok
total: 1650 fine by me. really healthy day.
4.75 mile walk. felt really good. would have walked longer if it wasn't so late.
tomorrow: 6 miler.
(2440 11 day average)
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Sunday
it's 9:37 in the morning and so far my day has been a good one. :)
my date last night went pretty well. he's a pretty good looking guy, nice guy, smart guy. generally great to be around. as far as things in common, some we do some we don't. so we'll see. we stayed at the restaurant till a bit after 10. so like 2 hours. after that we both got kinda antsy and just wanted to find our waitress and get the bill. it was after 2 hours that i was getting sleepy as anything (attributed to exercise earlier and 2 mugs of beer there!) and we started to not have anything else to talk about. but it was late. so he walked me to my car and kissed me on the cheek. i don't know if we can be romantically involved. we shall see. i think i would do another date with him.
breakfast: ices, coffee: 150.
snack:bar 170
lunch: overate with cookies too much, at least 10 cookies.
total calories: 3200
exercise: weights, 6 miles.
2520, 10 day average = 1.5 lb gain over 10 days. not so good. ( i said i wouldn't continue this average garbage but it's the only way to be accountable/knowledgable of my calorie intake and why i would be gaining/losing/maintaining weight)
this week's weightloss goal: keep calories in the 1500s. weights twice at the gym. moderate goal. i know i can do this, if i stay busy, keep my mind on the goal. benefits of keeping this goal: improved fitness and strength, calorie average will be a more reasonable 2200s.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
i'm taking a step back, i put too much pressure on myself to lose weight, fast, again. it's about eating moderately everyday. not just eating as little as i can to get through the week. this week i am focussed on a more healthy approach. :) more salad/beans at lunch. emphasis and focus less toward all the carbs, which trigger me.
before i even think about exercise, i'm off to do some errands this morning. the bank where i actually must see a tellar today, return some things to CVS, possibly purchase a different knee brace that works?. lol, i guess i don't have too many errands. good! I also have a coupon for Victoria's secret, free underwear, i'll pick that up tomorrow or today. And, i'll pick up some healthy food from a special organic store, probably tomorrow, so i don't start overeating today before the date. it would trigger me today.
i send love and happiness to everyone on DD.
i know this is tmi, but i've been REALLY gassy for like a week straight. It's due to all my overeating and also having too much fatty foods (like fries), bad carbs like pizza/fries, cookies, etc. No fiber and lots of fat usually does this to a person. Also, i think the sugar free chocolate pops i've been eating have sugar alcohols in them, it's funny, the box only lists "other carbs" on nutrition facts, but i KNOW it's sugar alcohols. i would NOT have bought them if that were the case, bc it's horrible on your digestive system and gives HORRIBLE gas - especially if you have FOUR pops at one time. lol.
breakfast: large coffee 50, ices: 150 tasty, satisfying feeling after this breakfast.
lunch/snack: more ices 100, 25 vitamin water
snack:bar 150
snack:bag, popcorn250, tofu200, roll120: 570.eh.
total: 1,000 eh. FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS DATE TONIGHT. especially bc i'm so bloated with hot air....
diner:? out. will include alcohol. 2 large mugs beer, 450 or so? and chips 250 or so? 700.
total today: 1775 (had some 10 cal vitamin waters during the night so i would have energy this morning. lol. still needed to sleep in.
tonight i have a date. he's meeting me in my town, which is actually known for its bars and restaurants. we are meeting for drinks, not dinner. however, we're meeting at 7:30...so maybe we'll order something with our drinks. he's paying, most probably, or there wont be a second date lol, but i hope i don't have to order anything too unhealthy with my drink.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
1650. 6 miles. final count.
i've been really stressed as of late. starting up with classes again, not just clinicals where we just "show up." will start taking tests again soon. Being in a classroom with a bunch of morons who feel the need to act like children, all the time. I can't bother having lunch with them or anything else for that matter. It's not my loss, it's a waste of my time, usually, to be around these nobodies. Now, I am not calling myself some superwoman, surely i'im not, i'm just saying i don't like my classmates, for the most part. there are about 10 or us, total. and we are too different. so, whatever, this year will probably move fast once it gets moving!
calories so far today, looking to not continue the binge process:
breakfast: ices, coffee (i like this breakfast. it is actually VERY satisfying to me bc the ices are so hard, italian ices, it takes about 20 minutes (the time that it takes someone to feel full, recognize being full) so that's why i like this breakfast. 150
vitamin waters, etc, as snacks: 50 or so.
lunch: crappy salad, with no eggs to add in, from cafeteria, and some steamed veggies: 250 or so.
total so far: 450.
snack after school: 150 bar
dinner: 2 salads, croutons 270, tofu fried 200, veggies 200
after dinner: 300 in ice cream/chocolate bars
total calories today: 1570. i was hoping lower, but this isn't bad.
exercise: 3 mi after school, and another 3 miler, i think.
relaxing tonight/tomorrow and a date tomorrow night.
good afternoon, everyone.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
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get outside and enjoy that gorgeous weather!! thinking of you. love you xoxo
hollybelle on 08/18/2009:
Sore feet! I've had that after the waterpark. We used to take my daughter when she was young - we had so much fun! We should go again. If it's beautiful - get out there and get going!
thinnside40 on 08/18/2009:
I had to buy new walking shoes for hubby , cause he was wearing his work boots & I can feel your pain with the hurting footses....I have had the ache, but as soon as I put on the right shoe..Whala! relief..... Barefoot everywhere possible is my choice, but have learned over the years that I can't do that anymore.....
Have a great day off!
thinnside40 on 08/18/2009:
My dear...Take one day @ a time... Remember that...YOUR WORTH taking care of YOU!