i bought real food today at the cafeteria for lunch...more real than coffee and chips, anyway! but, i was famished bc i had no snack in the AM.
today was HARD. i was on my feet all day, but also had to wear a "lead apron." which is very heavy! it's to shield the workers from the xray equipment. my ankles were in pain bc of the lead, making my whole body extra heavy on my ankles...arg.
breakfast: 350 or so. coffee, sandwich, tomatoes, avocado.
snack, but not really and not helpful: vitamin waters 50
lunch: not sure but i guess 550: nasty but tasty (just too much rice in it) veggie burger, cooked and seasoned corn, large salad.
snacking: not great but whatever, 2 plums 120, ices 100, 2 servings pretzels 200 total here 420
total before my binge: 1380
binge: pizza 800???, small piece quesadilla 100?, small piece burrito 200?, yogurt 100, plum 50. approx: 1300
total today approx: 2680! blah....i'm so helpless....
no, actually, i was exhausted. i came home WIPED OUT. and i should have gone to sleep. ugh ugh ugh!
crappers.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
if i had to guess calories, today was about 1750. hopefully no more!!!
exercise: moderate. 4 mi or so.
going to school tomorrow. first a shower.
goodnight all.
______________________________________________
good report: my weight has been steadily decreasing since May! :) so happy. last august my weight average was 123. hopefully i can at least get back to where i was? it will be a close call since that means i need to lose 12 lbs. but there is no rush, as long as i don't overeat and destroy the successes i make. i am doing this, the weight is coming off. all i need to do is look at my diary to see it. :) all i need to do is remind myself of this, whenever i feel weak at heart. :)
i'm taking today off from school to recover fully. i have some laundry to put away, some white scrubs to iron, some nasty work shirts that i should spary with fabreeze bc even when i wash them they still don't smell right haha. then, i plan on eating healthy - lots and lots of veggies with my meals and also i plan on preparing my own lunches for the rest of this week to come (or at least for tuesday bc this all sounds like way too much right now - the food preparation anyway).
i also have a therapist appt later today. first time i'd be going, in my adult life anyway. i did go a when i was about 6 or 7 yrs old. so i have NO expectations. it's my money and if it doesn't work, then i'll call it quits. however, i would love for the therapy to help me, especially with my binging as even on the trip i did it twice.
it's so hard to lose weight the second time! for two years i WAS in a rut but this trip lifted me out of it. i'm so glad. now i am just keeping with that momentum! :)
take care. more updates to come...
now trying to go back to bed, i've been up since 5, now it's 5:24. eh, and i have an appetite. but i'm going back to bed!
6am breakfast: yogurt, strawberries, coffee: 160
9:30-10am breakfast ugh: 2 pcs bread 260, egg whites 60, tomatoes/salsa 40, 3 light yogurts 240 total: 600.
total before lunch: 760 fine.
2pm lunch:stomach full still? bothering me. but i pigged out on healthy stuff...not sure why i had to eat all of it though: two cups fruit salad: 200 or so, soy chips 160, tomato/onion salad w. celery also 70?, sauteed roasted veggies much of it 300?? total here: 750 whatev.
total before dinner: 1450 at least - not great. (i hate counting calories and would rather just eat the way i did on vacation, which is not possible, it would be too expensive and weightloss wouldn't be guaranteed as i don't exercise as much here as i did on my trip...)...my stomach is so weird today.
dinner:
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Good luck with your therapy appointment today! Today should be just intake and assessment. She'll ask you a bunch of questions about your past and your objectives. Don't be afraid or ashamed to mention the binge-eating. I know that this is something that I have kept from therapists in the past.
Not to dictate your schedule, but I would think that after 2 or 3 sessions, you should be able to tell if your therapist is helping you. I'm not a big fan of prolonged psychotherapy. DO NOT be afraid to switch therapists if this one cannot help you.
I hope you will let us know how it goes!
i exercised too hard this morning. could hardly breathe bc i am sick. was not so great and didn't eat until later...felt like i was going to faint. ok, i need to care a little bit more about myself i think! not sure if i'm going into school tomorrow. i have 4 sick days left and i really am sick. lol, it's not like i'll be missed!
still sick. ugh.
yesterday i treated myself like a princess - haven't done that it a LONG TIME. i got an hour facial (haven't had one in years!) and a massage (second time in my life!). lol, why do i feel the need to rationalize and explain myself. lol. but, i look back on the website when i got home, and i couldn't believe it! i could have gotten a free manicure and pedicure if i bought the package! same price, just more services along with the massage and facial. definite oops. oh well, i enjoyed it all. too bad nobody told me beforehand.
my body was in so much pain and now i feel a bit better. i'm still sick. i was around many smokers all trip and i think that added to my cough and congestion. also, the lack of good air supply on the 12 hour flight probably did me in. and lack of sleep each day i was there...going to bed at 2, waking up at 5 or 6. i just want to be feeling 95% better by monday. i haven't felt this way in at least a couple years.
again, a 4am breakfast today (that's like 10am in Israel so my body is still adjusting...): 2 servings pretzels, yogurt, low cal vitamin water: 320.
8am or so breakfast: 1.5 yogurts, strawberries: 200 or so.
flavored water during exercise (very difficult to breathe, perhaps i'll HAVE to lay off exercise :( approx. 80
total so far: 600 cool.
snack at lunchtime before i almost passed out: 3 munchkins from dunkin donuts 150
LATE lunch: celery and microwave eggplant meal: 400
total before dinner: 1150
dinner: plum 50, pretzels 2x = 200, salad 100, microwave meal 250 (prob more) total here = 600 eh. today's eating wasn't well planned. more fruit 100 more...
total cal 1850., exercise: great.
feeling like garbage...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Anyway, glad that you are home safe and sound, but sorry that you are feeling like crap. Be kind to yourself and don't push too hard while your body is down...
i've broken my weight goals into what i hope is more managable. by the end of this month, i hope to weigh 130.
1st breakfast around 4am: pretzels 200, yogurt 100, fruit 100: 400
2nd breakfast after i woke up the second time, lol, around 10 or 11: oatmeal/egg white mix, yogurt: 320
then just drank diet drinks rest of the day...
dinner at 7:30pm: salad 90, lots of celery sticks 80, yogurt 80, microwave meal 350: total: 600 great, actually.
total cal today: 1350 wonderful. nice job to me.
exercise: 2 mi in AM and 3 mi in the afternoon.
still exhausted but HAD to get out and move around a bit...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
good evening all! i'm back from my 10 day vacation. on the eating front, i did well for the majority. but, i did BLOW it royally on two separate dinner occasions. (yesterday's calories, on our last night right before the flight at a restaurant with unlimited food, probably added up to 4000-5000. not so pleased with myself, but i've moved on and i've been eating quite normally today despite last night.
so, out of like 30 meals or so, i messed up only two of them. i wish i hadn't, of course. i am actually not eager to write a whole lot right now about my trip as i'm feeling very sick. going to sleep around 2am and waking up at 6am really did me in!
i am certain i can continue to succeed in weightloss. but, when i weighed myself just now, i weigh the same - 136 - that i did before my trip. lol. but that's ok. i will keep on working for my goals as i know they are reachable! :)
i was one of he older ones on the trip of 40 or so people. so at times it was really hard to fit in with them. many were 18 to 20 years old and I am turning 27 in a coulple months. i am thankful for the opportunity to go to israel, free, but i doubt i will EVER go on vacation again without knowing the people i will be going on vacation with. many times i was stressed during the trip. many people were "hooking up" and even sleeping with each other, to put it bluntly. and this was just something i was NOT interested in. i am past that stage of my life, and it's been ages since i hung out with many college kids, and high school kids for that matter, for 10 days straight.
i'm exhausted and sick. and i hope to feel MUCH better by Monday when i am back in school. the flight was 12 hours back.
yes, this is a negative entry. yes, i am working to improve my outlook...
ugh.
breakfast on plane: probably around 350 healthy calories.
lunch at home: probably around 750 healthy calories.
snack/dinner: baked chips 100, grapes 100, pretzels 120 (i've been craving carbs the past hour or so...)
total so far: 1420...
more food: two rolls with butter, yogurt, pizza 900. fine fine fine. not upset about this. my body feels sick and i'm not counting this as a binge.
total calories today: 2320.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
Take Care!
I'm very impressed that you are at the same weight. Very good! (I did not do so well while you were gone.)
i'll be in Israel till the 17th. See you when i return!
breakfast: oatmeal/egg and yogurt: 340
snack: pita w. little eggwhite and avocado: 220 :)
total so far/for the day as i won't update again: 560.
see you!
:)
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
edit:
food calories ended up in the 2550s or so today. not pleased. i was unable to control my emotions and took it out on food today. i definitely became extremely overwhelmed about this trip. i'll be absolutely fine, but like in the past with my travels, the anxiety overcame me. :(
when i visited my grandmother, i had around 1,000 cal just in cookies. so, as you can see, it adds up...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
definitely freaking a bit about this trip...wasn't fun looking in Target for bathing suits, nothing good left. lol. you don't even want to know...
large breakfast around 9 before going out to the store to pick up just a few last minute things, before heading out to grandma....my mind is just swimming with all the things i need to do. (it's not really that much, but still i'm overwhelmed thinking about my 10 day trip starting Monday.
breakfast: oatmeal 150, with the egg white mixed in 60, 1/4 avocado 100, light yogurt 100, large tea. total: 410 fine...
light lunch: i was starving, stopped for a fiber one bar 170, then a light fiber filled roll lol, avocado, egg white and salad 270 total: 440
snack: dunkin donuts flatbread, i already bought it...
dinner: chicken bbq with parents...
the weight i have to lose suddenly daunts me.... :(
feeling overwhelmed today.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
Since we didn't get any junk at the fireworks (funnel cake, cotton candy, etc) and we passed KFC, Tropical Smoothie, Quizno's, Arby's, Hardees, etc - etc as we walked back to our car (the aroma of food was everywhere) I let her get a treat & of course hubby had to have some too!
Have a great trip!! Come back with lots of great stories!!
LOL. so today is definitely a new day. i slept really late, nice! till almost 10am. when i woke up, i felt like i had been hit by a huge truck. the jogging last night right before bed and eating of crap before but not after left my body beat! but that's quite alright. i reached for a most strange breakfast of a light vitamin water drink, blueberries, a red pepper, and a tomato. i didn't have much veggies yesterday and i missed them. i started eating after 10, so i figured this would be fine, and also help move all the crap i ate out of my system a little faster. tonight i'm going to drink a laxative tea i have, bc i don't want to leave for israel monday morning still bloated! that would be the worst!
breakfast: 225 fruits/veggies/drink. + 50 on more vitamin waters
lunch: eggwhite, wheat/fiber roll, avocado....and diet drink and/or vitamin water.225
total up to here: 550
at fire island: 2nd lunch/early dinner around 4ish after much walking: tuna sashimi, seaweed salad, and two small triangle shaped fried dough things w. spices galore: around 650...the portions were TINY.
happy 4th. stay healthy, stay happy.
late dinner 8:30: many more diet drinks, large whole packet light tofu and a tomato w. dressing for everything: little under 300.
total today: around 1500. VERY HAPPY WITH THIS AMOUNT. WAS DIFFICULT BASED ON THE CHOICES. SPENT THE DAY WITH MY AWESOME FRIEND CHRISTINE, WHO HELPED ME WITH ALL OF MY PACKING. I CAN'T THANK HER ENOUGH! :)
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
I binged last night and slept until 10a today, too. So at least you know you're not alone.
We'll do better today!
You're doing such a fantastic job..I hope you have a great trip and take LOTS of pictures..would love to see them!!
4000 cal today. tomorrow's a new day. sat around most of today, really i did. but, after a talk on the phone with a friend of mine, and knowing i couldn't possibly eat more unless, well, let's not say unless! but, i decided to go for a 5.5 mile walk and boy, it was worth it. i ended up jogging the first 2.5 miles of it and i haven't jogged in awhile, like, a few weeks. it wasn't the easiest with all the food in me, but i'm glad i got off my ass.
soon enough, monday morning, i'll be on a 12 hour flight and i won't be able to exercise...so i feel bad NOT getting it in beforehand. :)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i almost reached for more food after my filling breakfast...i think i ate it too fast. glad i didn't get anything else to eat!
8:30 breakfast: egg white/oatmeal combo 210, yogurt 90, 1/2 cup blueberries 40, cinnamon: 340 :) healthy.
11:30 lunch: sandwich: roll w. fiber 100, tofu 50, avocado 150, tomatoes on the side 50?, yogurt 90. total : 440 fine :)....eh, more avocado on roll: 350 total here: 790...followed by ice cream 620. whatever, as long as i eat within a normal calorie range, i don't care right now...better to give into some temptation....total: 1410 for lunch 1750 UP TO HERE...
more binging: 4 more fiber rolls 400, coconut sorbet 220, BAGEL (OLD, BEEN IN THE REFRIG. BUT I MICROWAVED IT, WITH CREAM CHEESE) 500, DRIED FRUIT 400 OR SO. TOTAL HERE: 1520 (NOT GONNA BE A GOOD DAY...)
CALORIES SO FAR: 3270 AND LOTS BLUEBERRIES 3500....FIRST BINGE SINCE JUNE 6.
dinner:
totally i have a wax appt and then i'll probably take a morning walk, followed by lunch, then a trip to the store to buy some necessary items for my trip! :)
then, definitely more exercise later, and laying everything out to pack...yuck, packing!
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
The Fiber One Fulfill bars are quite tasty & filling. My husband picked them up for me - I hadn't heard of them either!
tired today but other than that my day is going swell...........very well.
woke up with less of an appetite, stomach slightly bloated from yesterday. but, i made sure to have something satisfying and substantial.
breakfast: 350: oatmeal/egg mixture, 1/8 avocado, yogurt
snack: vitamin waters 50
lunch: not in the mood for anything but chips...so chips and coffee. blah. 250 and this guy gave me a tiny pretzel sesame stick thing.
snack: was starving. 3 yogurts 270, my famous oatmeal/egg 210 w. cinnamon: 480
total before dinner: 1150 fine!
dinner: 2 big red peppers100, lots of salad w. light dressing100, microwavable eggplant rollettes by celentano 350 if you're interested to look it up(one of my favorite hit the spot meals.) 550 total.
total today: a bit higher than expected but TOTALLY FINE: 1700 totally fine.
2 day average between wed/thurs: 2125. ok. will do. can't fight it! :)
tomorrow plan: 10am waxing lol might be TMI, pick up the things i need at a discount drug store for this trip (who doesn't hate packing!?), and get EVERYTHING laid out....taking a break to walk at the park if i need one (rather than eat). i have tomorrow off, so no worries. it should not be difficult for me to get everything packed! :)
no exercise today, my body is enormously tired. was wheeling and pushing patients all day. tomorrow i will make sure i get a good amount of exercise in! :)
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
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What did the therapist have to say about the bingeing?
Were you at home when you binged? I can see it as sort of a "relief" or release: Now I am home, I can relax and eat. ??
Hang in there. That sucks about the lead apron. (I hope you are not offended by my language!) :-0
MoodyMe on 07/21/2009:
Yep, exhaustion is a MAJOR trigger for me as well...I agree with Donkey and it being a "relief"...Look at how GREAT you have done these past weeks...FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE!
I hope you got some much needed rest this evening..
Donkey on 07/21/2009:
Moody's comments made me think.
2680 is not too bad, especially for being tired and still recovering from your vacation. "Should have gone to sleep" -- yes, agreed. But easier said than done. Remember this for next time! In the months that I have known you (are we into years yet?), it seems to me that you let fatigue get the better of you, and you eat instead of rest. Remember: It's a learning process.
Still, I don't think you did nearly as much damage as you might think.
I remain hopeful that once you graduate and get a job in your field, that things will settle down.
halley on 07/22/2009:
Shake it off and start over. You will be fine. Try drinking hot tea to head off the binge.