today was full of temptations. then, after school, i had a TON of fast food. like, 3 different items at each of these places: burger king, dunkin donuts, and mcdonalds. i had multiple items from each place. i am no longer being strict obviously with low carb.
yeah, i have an emotional eating habit that i'm having huge difficult defeating.
my teachers want to have only 1 month in the summer without classes (meaning, only clinical) instead of both july and august. that's not cool with me. i NEED those two months. they will help me get fully back on track (or at least i think one month would be better than two). although we wouldn't have class and tests, we'd be responsible to show up each day and "work" in the hospital like we do now on tuesdays and thursdays. i was kinda looking foward to the two months because a lot of my friends are teachers and i wouldn't have to worry about when i was going out or having tests. i was looking foward to having a good summer! since my class is the last class before the school closes, the teachers are thinking of teaching things around.
5,000 cal today?
3.5 miles walking, after my binging, at the park. i look pretty gross right now. at least 140 if not more.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
350 breakfast (green beans, oil, almonds, tofu)
320 nuts snacks
310 lunch (beans, almonds, tofu, diet sprite) maybe i'm getting sick of beans and that's why i'm binging...nah, i think it's because i'm nearing that time of the month...and i've been frustrated more than usual with school lately.
snacking/overeating: apple chips 80, soy chips 200, cabbage slaw stuff w. seasoning/dressing 200??, broccoli rob with some nuts/cranberries olive oil 250?, sauteed veggies 250?, tofu 200, cream cheese ew 80, american cheese sandwich 570 or so, cookies 450...chips 280..yogurt w. extra jelly 260, oatmeal 150...bread w. butter and jelly 500, grapes 100, choc. covered raisins 450. done. shoot 4100 or so.
total: 5100 or so. ewwww....followed by:
taco bell supreme nachos...oatmeal cookie from dunkin donuts...and a baskin robbins huge shake w. whipped cream. i'm stuffed.
calories: around 6500. whatever.
i am doing ok despite all the food i ate.
i'm going to get through it all.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
We have the same taste in food - supreme nachos are so tasty! You WILL definitely get through it all.
930 cal up to 4pm...
snack 190 bar
large dinner: sauteed mushrooms 80?, broccoli cauteed with red pepper/garlic 150?, sauteed greens uh 300?? tofu 200.
3 mi walk. felt better today after taking yesterday off!
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
calories for today are, grand total: 7,000. any progress i made in the last 2-3 weeks has been destroyed. back to square one. this is what i do...being a student has seriously destroyed me. the whole study thing really gets to me. yeah, that's an excuse which is a horrible one at that. look at all those med students, they study and do well and look great. yeah, gotta get my act together sooner rather than later. wait, it already is late!!! eh. i guess i won't look how i wanted to for this wedding. oh well. it's a month away now. i will keep exercising and everything of course.
went out for coffee with friends around 7pm last night and got back around 10pm. was exhausted and fell asleep trying to study. woke up around 4am bc my mind knew i should study lol and started, got hungry....had some food. fell back asleep. not going in today. taking a sick day to study. again. this will be my 3rd day off since September. But, i've already made one up by coming in during a vacation. I still feel guilty...and we should, for skipping out of school or work. but now i can study and get sleep. haha.
but i am happy i went out and had a good time rather than study. life is too short for me to always be so serious. i've already taken that approach in life. so now i have fun sometimes even when it's not the best choice. we have a test today, but i'll take it tomorrow. we have tests everyday except thursday this week, which is pretty normal in my program. so nobody could say "oh, you took off bc you didn't want to take the test" lol. bc we ALWAYS have tests.
4am breakfast: cream cheese and rye bread sandwich: 320, oatmeal w. apple butter and banana and milk: 350. yea, not low carb stuff. total: 670.
having some difficulty getting totally back to low carb...7am breakfast: tofu and green beans/almonds/oil: 480....crap: whole package milanos chocolate/raspberry: 975 , 20 sunkist jell candies 650, cookies 450, pizza 350, more sunkist 110. believe me, i'm not done. 3020 or soover here.
...cheese and cream cheese sandwich toasted and melted: 550, finished off the sunkist gems 500 total here: 1050...half a frozen and actually gross pound cake 450 or so. so, 1500 now.
total so far today: 5190.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
I am glad you went out and had fun too. As for the days off, arent you allowed your vacations days? And 3 times in 6 months is not bad at all, you should take more time off, even.
I am doing this cleanse. Ever tried one? I think it could work as a "shock treatment" to stop from bad habits and start off new and it did help me with cravings before. Just an idea. I know it's not for everyone. But you're young and healthy and maybe something like that could help you break the cycle.
Hugs!
2060 cal before coffee w. a couple girls. 1.5 mile walk in my scrubs before coming straight home which was a VERY SMART idea. it relaxed me a bit.
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class was DREADFUL today! boring. it was just very repetitive and i think EVERY student, all 9 of us, would agree. glad that's done.
i did NOT have breakfast, which totally set me up to fail...but i didn't totally fail.
snack: nuts...3 cups tea, diet sprite, water....
lunch: green beans/almonds, soy chips, yogurt, irish soda bread (cake!)
total here 1150...
snack: snicker's protein bar 210
veggies/dressing: 100
dinner: tofu, greens, olive oil (many, many servings) 600 at least. i am in a pretty bad mood after today.
going to meet people for coffee. i won't give in to treats. gotta stay on track.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
i binged. grandma's cookies ... all of those packaged crappy cookies...were irresistable. even though they aren't even good. so i at all of them.
calories are at least 3200...came home and decided to have the green drink i got earlier this week but still didn't drink (because i really don't like to drink calories except for protein shakes and forgot how much i'd rather NOT have a green drink lol)
so, calories for today are around the 3500 mark. eh. 1st day i have grains in a long time (probably something more like 2-3 weeks). i'll be back on schedule starting tomorrow though. it may be tough, but i'm ready. ugh.
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tasty breakfast splurge: egg white omelette w. scallion: 180 or so, 2 pkgs green beans/almond 320, olive oil 100 approx: total: 600 fine.
early lunch: shake 350 or so...and salted cashews 350...andcauteed veggies 200 or so...gave into temptation! total here: 900!
snack: another shake??340 or so
total so far: 1840 if i have that other shake...don't think i want it.... :( too much eating today...
dinner: i plan on baking tofu and veggies, i think...
ok, i'm totally changing what i originally wrote here before...2200 is my limit today!
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
breakfast: multiple servings of beans and almonds 380, some peanut oil 120, and a little tofu. 90 total: 590-600.
lunch: protein shake 340
snack: tofu/jello 250...followed by more string beans and nuts lol 240 total around 500
total so far: 1440....1480 had some seaweed sheets
dinner: egg omelette w. spinach 260 and then some chicken/veggies 180 total: 440
total: 1920. done for the night. :) generally content.
4.5 miles at the park. :)
no changes in weight thus far. eating under 2,000 today. and i will try for 1500 tomorrow.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Here's to a good Sunday!
770 calories...till 4pm...
snack: natural protein bar, sugar free energy drink: around 300.
followed by a nice 3 mile walk. it was definitely chilly and brisk but i had my winter jacket. haha, i didnt' even go home to change so i was walking in my white scrub pants. was great. glad i didn't stop home and start binging or something like that.
dinner: humongous. and great. don't regret it a bit.:
lots of egg whites (2 cups worth) 250, made into omelettes with a bazillion veggies 200, spray oil 250??, dessert is tofu w. some light fruit flavoring i put on it 200. Total for dinner: 900. this is actually fine.
total cal today: 1970. alright. better than a binge. i cannot binge this week/weekend.
5 weeks now till the wedding. i think i may still have lost a few pounds although some might be water weight. no weighing in. i'll continue this eating plan. i am allowing myself protein shakes. all is good.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
i really am upset. i'm tired. i'm down. i am out of my skin tonight. :(
i feel lost. i don't even have my own mother to talk to. i tried telling her about my day and she wasn't evening listening. so i stopped. and i yelled at her for not listening to me and just saying rude things as soon as she got home from work.
i'm so upset.
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today sucked royally because i had to work alondside two of the biggest ****s i've yet to meet in life. they have no care or compassion to help me as a student and would rather rip me a new one with every chance they can get. it was really hard driving home even...thinking about how hard i try but how little they really care or want to work with me. these two peope, in the emergency room, make me very self conscious when i ask them questions because sometimes they will just stare me down as i ask them or they make me feel seriously stupid. if i had to count, there are only about 4?? people like this out of the whole xray department of many more people... but now i'm in a horrible mood...and when my teachers have to read how i did these past two weeks in the ER, my review does not reflect my time there the way it should have.
breakfast: beans/almonds/oil: 260
snack: almonds 210
lunch: beans/almonds/oil: 260 , diet sprite
snacks/dinner combined: 6 sf jello 60, stir fried mushrooms 150?, baked eggplant w. olive oil: 200??, some spinach 20, huge egg omelette w. tons of stir fry veggies inside 350, tofu and veggies 300? , stevia chocolate sweetened tofu i made 200 TOTAL;
2010....maybe a snack. long, annoying day.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
These PITAs that you had to work with -- they are cutting your teeth. Perhaps they had to endure similar attitudes during their training/education. Or perhaps they are testing you to see if you have what it takes.
Do not take this personally. Please consider: They would have treated ANYONE like that. Also, please consider: This has more to do with THEM than it does with YOU. All you can do is your best, which I am sure you did.
I give you kudos for not giving up and continuing to ask questions, even with responses as you described. DO NOT GIVE UP. DO NOT GIVE IN. DO NOT LET THEM HAVE THE POWER OVER YOU TO DRIVE YOU TO BINGE.
(not yelling; I just want to be perfectly clear.)
HUGS! :-)
calories a bit higher than i wanted....i made too much dinner and couldn't put it as leftovers for tomorrow...i ate it all instead....so 1750. fine. what can i do!? tomorrow's a new day....more veggies and stirfries to come....
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i had both a protein bar (with some high fructose corn syrup!!!) and shake today. seems i'll have to not be so strict in order to be able to eat anything while outside my house! whatever...if i need to, in april, i'll limit more. but i cannot take any more limits on the foods i'm eating! lol.
breakfast: green drink 80
snacks: almonds throughout morning, planned. 360
lunch: olive oil, almonds, beans, diet sprite (no more diet coke....i think it started to stain my teeth!). 220 or so.
snackSSS: didn't need both. but enjoyed. 190 protein bar, 270 shake. total: 460.
total so far: 1120
dinner: tofu and eggplant w. olive oil: 350. with tons of stirfried veggies and spray oil...so more cals.
i doubt i'll be going to the gym. busy week. no need to make it any more stressful or busy. need to study. relax. not exercise. trust me. tomorrow i'll be exhausted from pushing patients' stretchers/being in the emergency room. but, it's my last day for awhile to be in the ER. sooo, i'm both excited for tomorrow and for Friday...since i will definitely be going to the gym on Friday. lol, it'll be 4 straight days off from the gym. but i have to. otherwise i'll just overwork myself and get sick.
Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
I couldn't work in a medical facility.... I faint too easy! Even when I did work in pharmacy as a tech, I would get woozy at the sight of someone getting pain meds and being in any kind of pain..... Sympathetic nerves!
Have a good evening......
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Sounds like you're under a lot of stress. Hope you get to feeling better.
loveray on 03/21/2009:
i love you- remember how amazing you are- your spirit soars. happy weekend!
nimony on 03/21/2009:
One step at a time. Take one small area you want to work on, and start working on it. Seems like walking 3/3.5 miles is working for you. Maybe a goal can be to walk 1 more day a week, hence making exercise a new, lifelong habit. Someone suggested meditation. That's a very good idea. Helps keep us calm. I am in a similar situation as you, so I understand what you're going through. Be patient with yourself. Try to give yourself some down time each day, even if it's only a couple of minutes, time to think, reflect, and relax.