sunday edit:
friday cal: 5,000 ugh ugh ugh., saturday cal: 1200, sunday cal: 1440.
3 day weekend average: 2547. too high. need some more days to balance the daily average out.
breakfast: 150
light lunch: 120 + powerade = 150
snack/turned into late, healthy lunch with 2 cookies: 660
dinner: 2 red peppers 80, romaine 50, eggplant rolletes 350 total: 480
total: 1440. good.
exercise: moderate. rainy day = less exercise. its ok. going to see grandma. making sure i have healthy foods with me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
saturday night:
1200 cal today. lots of exercise, sorta. outdoors. beach, etc.
time between this binge and last is about 9 days. (this is for my own record). total calories extra i've had since my return from vacation: around 5500. total calories i could have lost since vacation: again, around 5500. No progress bc of my binging. Otherwise, I could have managed over 1.5 pounds lost. Although my weight is over 133, it is due to bloating. I MUST move foward.
saturday morning edit:
breakfast: marino chocolate italian ice, coffee: 150.
i woke up twice throughout the night to pee. it looked cloudy and absolutely disgusting. full of all the garbage i ingested. probably full of sugar that my body could not handle.
i am "embarassed" to say that I messed up again. a bit angry at myself for actually giving into a binge and skipping a party i planned to go to. upset that i worked REALLY hard to lose weight this week, would have been around 1.5 pounds, too. I now have one month till September. I will not give myself a weight goal, but, I can still think about what I may be capable of. I have been binging all summer and I am not content with it. I am upset that I cannot manage my behaviors yet. too bad i didn't get a call from the psychologist yet to make an appointment. they're overbooked.
about 30 days left till September. My 27th bday is 9/9/09. hmm...that is 39 days. I can lose an average of 5 pounds by then. yeah, it doesn't sound like much, but that is what's feasable. and not just a lofty dream.
i feel like crying. but of course i won't. it's just spilled milk. I am not happy with my weight right now. I was thinking by 27, like 25..and 26...that i would have my weight managed. but no, my weight will not be "under control" by my birthday. It'll be in the upper 120s, hopefully lower than 130 if I stay dedicated.
Last summer, late August, I was in my lower 120s. So I'm behind. But why I am looking backwards. That's one of my habits. Always looking at past successes, rather than working for new ones.
I am looking foward to a nice Saturday today. Last night was horrible. I even ate some brownie mix, that i didn't even prepare correctly. ugh.
My stomach is bloated, my body is worn to the core. At almost 26 years old, 9 years of binging is wreaking havic to my body. I cannot handle it as well as I once did. I don't want to end up in the hospital one day like the patients I do Xrays on.
I am working on it. Boy is this a difficult process. Binging is not an easy habit to break. All I can say is this weekend will be enjoyable, therefore no reason to binge. yesterday was a wash. but i guess i need to move on from yesterday.
so there. most of next week is "recovery" from last night's high calories. after that, next 3 weeks of August will be weightloss weeks. Next week i'm also back to school, the classroom. i could cry about that one. too bad we didn't get one more month of hands on only, before testing begins again. leave it to my teachers to start again one month early. blah.
+++++++++++++++++++++++
shiiiiiiit. i binged. blah. my old habits are far from gone. 5,000 cal. this means a gain of one pound (in one day!). i will NOT focus on eating really low tomorrow, but just on eating for that day. one day at a time...
instead of going out tonight, i'm staying home, bloated, tired, really full. tomorrow i'll be at the beach, and going out tomorrow night. i exhausted myself and overdid it today on lack of eating, or eating the wrong things, and i overate just now...
reason for overeating: lonely (parents are out of the house this weekend which makes me usually binge more when i'm alone in private), being tired, stressed, too many plans. exhausted.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
200 breakfast, snacks: ice pops, sf and sugar, coffee, later vitamin water diet kind
300 lunch. very good so far seasoned corn, pickled/vinegared beans, salad.
total so far: 500 great.
snack later: ice pops probably.
dinner: who knows.
plan: gym or bike, party tonight. :)
looking foward to a fabulous weekend.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
today was another good day.
breakfast/snacks: 200 ices, coffee, later some sugar free stuff.
lunch: 400 lots of beans, salads, some dressing, diet snapple.
snack: 150 ices, sugar free and sugar versions. satisfying!
total before dinner: 750
dinner: a bit large, but ok by many standards. 700. healthy veggies but large amounts and the microwavable meal had 350. total of 700 for dinner.
total today: 1450. good. :)
exercise; hour walk. :)
goodnight...
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
breakfast 200
lunch: 400
snack after school: 160
dinner: lots of veggies/salad: 160 and a microwave meal 350 total: 510
total cal today approx: 1270. wowsers. really really low and fine. i NEED to just do a fast bike ride.... got to. :( i don't want to, but i feel bad not going out, although it may rain...so...who knows.
ices after the gym 30. didn't do much at the gym, but at least i got out of my house and back on my feet.
total cal 1300..
need to clear my head. study tonight.
i've exercised monday and tuesday depsite being tired. but i may take the day off today, we'll see. i woke up really exhausted. perhaps my ankle needs a break? lol, not a literal one, either. but, a short walk could also do me good after dinner? hmm... and digestion is always better with some movement after dinner. not sure. i may just need a break.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
tuesday:
b: 160.
must sleep more tonight! sheesh. feeling SO tired. it's half mental, half sugar crashes, i think.
calories before dinner: 700.
dinner: microwave eggplant parm, tons of veggies, extra veggies, 1/2 pack low cal tofu heated up to eat with the microwave meal, 2 sugar free chocolate pops, large peach. 680 or so cal. maybe 700.
total cal today: 1380-1400. fine fine.
exercise: 40 min of bike/elliptical/pushups.
++++++++++++++++++++++
monday:
time is flying fast, which is good, but also too fast for me to keep up.
breakfast: not healthy, but good. 180
no snacks. lots of sugar free stuff.
lunch: healthy primarily. pita, 3 large grilled shrimp, salad, diet drinks of course. around 500.
snack after school: ices, a sugar free chocolate pop, later diet soda, large peach: 220 or so.
dinner: 500 or so.
total: 1400. absolutely fine.
exercise: hour walk with dad. good day, again.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
sorry for being a loser and not commenting as often. i've been trying to stay off my laptop as of late. and i've been successful.
breakfast: around 280
vitamin waters: 80
lunch: maybe 450 or so.
dinner: maybe 650 or so.
nothing really had calories listed on them.
perhaps today's calories: maybe 1500. hopefully less! :)
exercise: good.
whole weekend: fabulous.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
saturday entry: 1200 cal, good exercise, lots of fun. goodnight!
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
calories: approx. 1200 today. mostly healthy. lots of veggies.
total avg calories per day since I've been back home: 2,000 per day for the past 8 days. not great, for sure. not horrible. not enough to gain real weight, just bloat. possible weight gain of less than a pound. lots of rambling right now, lol. lots to do on the weight front, as well.... :) i will make it happen! i will i will i will! :) :) :)
with stretching at back/abs/pushups (and bike/elliptical) total exercise today was approx. 2.5 hours. wowzers. it felt SO GOOD. cardio prob lasted at least 1.5 hours.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
yesterday i slept like 12 hours. and i'm STILL tired. sheesh. what's going on with me!? ....i'll be fine, i'm sure...
breakfast: my stomach was so full from whatever it was i ate last night around 10 when i woke up. so i had coffee and chocolate italian ices. 150 cal.
snack: bar and drink: 170 cal
lunch: around 280 cal. beans/hot veggies/salad.
total here: 600...
snack:
dinner:
i'm sooo stupid for overeating the past few days bc weightloss took some determination while i was away. i ate right bc i wanted to. and it worked really well. i prob did lose at one point 5 lbs in just 10 days! and i've put a couple back on! careless on my part. so now i need to make MUCH bigger efforts. i promise myself continued success with my weightloss. it means watching calories. keeping them LOW. and walking/exercising much, much more. i am now able to exercise for longer periods of time without a problem....especially walking. i can do it for 6 miles no problem as long as it's not only on concrete...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Any fun plans for the weekend? Doing something you enjoy and can relax???
:-)
:-)
:-)
Are you keeping a food journal? It may help you figure out your triggers by questioning your choices as you're making them....... I think finding your "triggers" are your key to success - but hey, that's just an observation - I'm not a guru or anything & I don't claim to have the answers (I'm still searching myself). I just know that I had to figure out some of my triggers (notice I say "some" becus I've still got "some" to figure out) before I started making any significant progress.
Overall, you're doing a great job and should be pleased with yourself and how far you have come. If you must judge your success, try to look at how far you've come - not how far you "think" you have left to go.........
Thursday entry:
HOW am i this exhasuted!?
my stomach was so full this AM, but i knew i needed some carbs at least to balance out the sugar high i had yesterday. i had a chocolate flavored italian ice: 120 cal.
snack: kashi bar 150 or so. did have 7 grams protein...
lunch: 1/2 chicken cold cut sandwich, salad. 300 cal. and i feel like i could fall asleep right now! i think my binge wore out my body yesterday.
the good thing is tomorrow is ONLY a half day! wahoo! so glad. the second half the day i will be attending the senior Xray class' graduation.
total cal so far: approx. 550
snack after school: almonds, soda: 250. i am SO TIRED...why do i feel this way!?
dinner: eaten at 10pm after i got up from a nap. what on earth!? some cucumber salad, lettuce, tofu; total here around 300 or a little less.
total calories: around 1200. i am soooooo screwed up right now. my body is just fighting me in every way possible.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
wednesday entry:
stayed home, ended up binging as well today.
calories so far: 3450. hopefully this estimate is right and i'm not underestimating...
calories i've overeaten since my return from the trip last friday:
friday: 500 too many
tuesday 600 too many
today so far: for the whole day, around 2000 or so too many.
total too many: 3100 or almost one pound,
i need to stop this craziness. damn. AND, the last night of my trip i ate about 3500 calories too many also..
i am def not as thin as i was when i got home....it's amazing how fast i'm losing my momentum...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
I think you (your body, that is) are still recovering from your vacation. That's part of the fatigue. If it's really humid by you, that could be another reason. Humidity wipes out any ounce of energy I might have. I'm guessing though it's mostly from the travel. PLUS, keep in mind that digestion takes a lot of body energy. When you consume a lot of food and then go to bed, your body needs to work very hard to digest all of that food instead of resting.
Travel, change of climate, eating too much ... maybe you're getting sick?
Rest up, I hope you feel better soon :-(
i bought real food today at the cafeteria for lunch...more real than coffee and chips, anyway! but, i was famished bc i had no snack in the AM.
today was HARD. i was on my feet all day, but also had to wear a "lead apron." which is very heavy! it's to shield the workers from the xray equipment. my ankles were in pain bc of the lead, making my whole body extra heavy on my ankles...arg.
breakfast: 350 or so. coffee, sandwich, tomatoes, avocado.
snack, but not really and not helpful: vitamin waters 50
lunch: not sure but i guess 550: nasty but tasty (just too much rice in it) veggie burger, cooked and seasoned corn, large salad.
snacking: not great but whatever, 2 plums 120, ices 100, 2 servings pretzels 200 total here 420
total before my binge: 1380
binge: pizza 800???, small piece quesadilla 100?, small piece burrito 200?, yogurt 100, plum 50. approx: 1300
total today approx: 2680! blah....i'm so helpless....
no, actually, i was exhausted. i came home WIPED OUT. and i should have gone to sleep. ugh ugh ugh!
crappers.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Were you at home when you binged? I can see it as sort of a "relief" or release: Now I am home, I can relax and eat. ??
Hang in there. That sucks about the lead apron. (I hope you are not offended by my language!) :-0
I hope you got some much needed rest this evening..
2680 is not too bad, especially for being tired and still recovering from your vacation. "Should have gone to sleep" -- yes, agreed. But easier said than done. Remember this for next time! In the months that I have known you (are we into years yet?), it seems to me that you let fatigue get the better of you, and you eat instead of rest. Remember: It's a learning process.
Still, I don't think you did nearly as much damage as you might think.
I remain hopeful that once you graduate and get a job in your field, that things will settle down.
if i had to guess calories, today was about 1750. hopefully no more!!!
exercise: moderate. 4 mi or so.
going to school tomorrow. first a shower.
goodnight all.
______________________________________________
good report: my weight has been steadily decreasing since May! :) so happy. last august my weight average was 123. hopefully i can at least get back to where i was? it will be a close call since that means i need to lose 12 lbs. but there is no rush, as long as i don't overeat and destroy the successes i make. i am doing this, the weight is coming off. all i need to do is look at my diary to see it. :) all i need to do is remind myself of this, whenever i feel weak at heart. :)
i'm taking today off from school to recover fully. i have some laundry to put away, some white scrubs to iron, some nasty work shirts that i should spary with fabreeze bc even when i wash them they still don't smell right haha. then, i plan on eating healthy - lots and lots of veggies with my meals and also i plan on preparing my own lunches for the rest of this week to come (or at least for tuesday bc this all sounds like way too much right now - the food preparation anyway).
i also have a therapist appt later today. first time i'd be going, in my adult life anyway. i did go a when i was about 6 or 7 yrs old. so i have NO expectations. it's my money and if it doesn't work, then i'll call it quits. however, i would love for the therapy to help me, especially with my binging as even on the trip i did it twice.
it's so hard to lose weight the second time! for two years i WAS in a rut but this trip lifted me out of it. i'm so glad. now i am just keeping with that momentum! :)
take care. more updates to come...
now trying to go back to bed, i've been up since 5, now it's 5:24. eh, and i have an appetite. but i'm going back to bed!
6am breakfast: yogurt, strawberries, coffee: 160
9:30-10am breakfast ugh: 2 pcs bread 260, egg whites 60, tomatoes/salsa 40, 3 light yogurts 240 total: 600.
total before lunch: 760 fine.
2pm lunch:stomach full still? bothering me. but i pigged out on healthy stuff...not sure why i had to eat all of it though: two cups fruit salad: 200 or so, soy chips 160, tomato/onion salad w. celery also 70?, sauteed roasted veggies much of it 300?? total here: 750 whatev.
total before dinner: 1450 at least - not great. (i hate counting calories and would rather just eat the way i did on vacation, which is not possible, it would be too expensive and weightloss wouldn't be guaranteed as i don't exercise as much here as i did on my trip...)...my stomach is so weird today.
dinner:
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Good luck with your therapy appointment today! Today should be just intake and assessment. She'll ask you a bunch of questions about your past and your objectives. Don't be afraid or ashamed to mention the binge-eating. I know that this is something that I have kept from therapists in the past.
Not to dictate your schedule, but I would think that after 2 or 3 sessions, you should be able to tell if your therapist is helping you. I'm not a big fan of prolonged psychotherapy. DO NOT be afraid to switch therapists if this one cannot help you.
I hope you will let us know how it goes!
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What kind of party? I have nothing fun on my agenda for the weekend except workout. I'm jealous!
halley on 07/31/2009:
So sorry to hear about your setback. Just try to re-group. Feeling guilt only makes it worse. Deep breath, relax, start over.
catepillar on 07/31/2009:
I love your plan, one day at a time!
catepillar on 08/01/2009:
Hey dear, we are having a meeting in ten minutes and would love to have you! http://oa12step4coes.org/meetings.html Scroll down on the left side and when you see "Meetings" click on that and the times will show up and then just click on the chat room link! I wanted to make sure you knew you were being thought about :)
jon'smom on 08/01/2009:
Don't give up. I gained back all my weight and now I am starting all over again. We can do this together. Take care:)
Donkey on 08/02/2009:
Please don't feel embarrassed. We are here to support you. Sounds like you are doing well so far.