****I have NOT binged since Wednesday****
****I will NO longer binge***
***I will be able to eat around 2,000 per day and be satisfied without extra binging***
***I can and will lose weight again, and become what I want of myself***
***My friend's wedding is in January, her bridal shower in October, I would like to weigh 125 come October***
***I still weigh 140 right now, for which i am THANKFUL, so much binging lately, so little weight gain comparitively. For this I am VERY lucky. I am lucky I have been able to exercise, too, so that the weight gain hasn't been more.***
This is going to be a challenge, but I need to lose weight, and I can do it again. I don't have a desire right now to be very skinny. I would rather be fit right now. I would like to show off the MUSCLES that I HAVE already. Especially my arms. I have been lifting weights for a whole year practically, non-stop. And I have arm muscles, but they are not apparent, bc I have a bit too much weight on my arms and body in general. Even to be 129 will be a godsend. I haven't been below 130 since summer 2008. That's two years.
Weight Gain. My weight never went above 115 for many years. From when I was 20-25 I was always under this number.
When I turned 25 and got a job I didn't really felt amounted to much, despressed about many things, I started to gain weight. I gained about 10 lbs I believe. Was never about 130, I don't think, when I was 25-26.
When I turned 26, again I was around 125. By Springtime, I was about 140 something I think! 15 lbs gained while going back to school. Then, by 27, I was once again around low 130s.
I am now turning 28, and in this year, I have put on what I lost last summer again. I was doing good, then got depressed in April,May,June...studying for this exam, and put on these last few pounds.
A goal to get back to 125 sounds good to me. Toughest part will be getting through the 130s. It seems daunting because I haven't been 129 for several years now.
I am happy I have muscle, thankful I have done weight training. I will NEVER stop, as long as I can help it. I like weight training. I CAN DO 20 PUSHUPS AT A TIME!
If feels good to be strong, not just skinny. I don't really want skinny. I love having muscle in my arms and a strong back. But I want it to be seen! I want people to look at my arms and back and see my efforts from the gym.
I want to be noticed by guys. I want their attention. I want them to look my way.
Guys are NOT noticing me right now. I do have extra pounds and I don't look my best. I want them to notice me for my appearance, just as any woman would.
In some ways, I'm ready to grow up now. To make some better decisions. I don't really speed when driving anymore. And I'm starting to think more like an adult. I am trying not to drive with my music loud and windows down. LOL. I'm trying to live a more organized, calmer (in terms of making good decisions) life.
I really would like to lose this weight because I KNOW i'll also feel better. If I don't binge, it should come off rather easily...and I can't binge anymore, I really can't.
Before my body takes revenge on me for the years I've stuffed everything in, I need to let my insides relax, recover, and not work them so hard!
So, here's to starting over. The second time. And losing weight, a second time.
I do not want to be someone who is on a "diet" constantly throughout life. I want this to hopefully be the last time I have to lose SO MUCH weight. Aside from perhaps pregnancy.
It really is looking like a tremendous task. But I am ready for it, now.
(also need to get a full-time job...)
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Sunday....less planned, going to the gym for weights later, also some cardio on the bike, i think...
breakfast: was a bit early, 400 in oatmeal, milk, pineapple 2% greek yogurt chobani
late morning snack: large peach, sucking candy, klondike bar: 350
tsf: 750. not bad at all.
snack throughout my weights workout for 1.5 hours at the gym: med iced decaf coffee with skim milk and 4 equal - 100 cal.
late lunch: biscuit w. egg white :-) 300, red pepper 40, some cucumber 10, some cherries 40: diet coke, around 400 here...oh, and some bran, so like 440.
tsf: around 1300 so far! excellent.
dinner:
snack:
exercise: weights for about 1.5 hours at gym, bike outside.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Saturday was a great day. went to the beach, Fire Island. Was with friends most of the day. no more than 2200, for sure!
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
snack: 3 candies 70.
breakfast: large peach 80, oatmeal w. milk and peanut butter 350: 430.
lunch: tomato 40, small turkey sandwich: 240: 280, and cole slaw 80
tsf: 860....then out for a walk and then to the library....to have a good read, bc i don't see myself in a mood to sit home and practice my instrument right now or later.
3pm snack: protein bar and iced coffee 240
early snack at 5 before dinner: green beans and almonds 160, with tofu 90, and cucumber 30: 280
tsf: 1380, pretty ok.
late dinner out at diner: probably a BLT and a diet coke.
out at bar tonight: light beer is the plan, up to 2 bottles.
total cal: around 2200, good.
exercise: over an hour of biking, walked around 4 miles as well. and then out tonight.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
pb sandwich for breakfast: 550?
snack: crackers 200, pb 150, cherries 50
tsf: 950
lunch: actually, healthy chicken and pepper but a lot. 500
1450.
snacks: lots of jolly ranchers 250? and a protein bar 230 = 480, or we'll say 500
total: 1950, good.
really gotta start losing weight though.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
I have only concern and warm wishes for you.
Breakfast: cherries 100, ice cream 500, pb sandwich 400. = 1,000 fine.
had some sort of phone interview...not even a stressful thing, actually, today.
and i binged like mad afterwards.
probably around 4000 cal so far, it's 2pm.
probably around 5500 today.
fast food again at night. i feel like i just want to give up.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
evening edit: feeling tired and sick.
breakfast: plums and ice cream 340.
snack: plum and light drink: 40.
lunch: 2 yogurts (one greek) mixed w. oatmeal type of cereal and cup and a half of unsweetened vanilla almond milk! 420.
snack: bar 220 or so, from starbucks. granola/nut/fruit.
dinner: wrap of egg white and spinach from starbucks 300
at home: salad 80, a tomato 40, a red pepper 70, a cucumber 40: 230
and i was so full, but had ice cream 500.
total food: 2050. overal total is nothing to complain about!
exercise: strenuous bike ride in the AM. not sure why i'm feeling so tired and sick. i think it's still test after effects or something. i've been stressing today about if i want to teach or not the rest of my life.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
EXERCISE: HARD elliptical for a little over an hour!!!! i was soaked afterwards!
day one of better calories. perhaps not healthy ones, but that will come with time. i'm enjoying eating the pleasure foods right now...
breakfast: ice cream 250, bran and almond milk 100: 350
snack: iced med coffee 100, jolly rancher sucking candies 70
lunch: biscuit w. egg white and cheese YUMMM. 430...and couple slices of my bran inbetween the sandwich to make if filling. so, like 30 more.
tsf: 1,000 = GREAT. (you can eat bad things and still have low calories....and the bad things certainly satisfy me more...) these foods don't have a lot of health benefits, but that's not what i'm looking for at this time!
snack: ice cream 250
snacks: vegetables 100.
dinner: biscuit w. egg white, yogurt: 450.
total today: 1800 = fantastic!!!!!!! :-)
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Hey all. Lots of my stresses are gone now. I have taken and passed my Xray exam! woo-hoo!
Breakfast: ice cream (but we still gotta indulge...after all, total calories aren't bad) 250 and fruit 100
early lunch: yogurt and oatmeal: 350
snack: 2 jolly ranchers 50
tsf: 750 good.
lunch:tortilla 150, tofu 170, tomato 40, yogurt 120: 480.
1230 :)
snack: cherries, later a granola bar: 250 total
dinner: yogurt, red pepper, tasty thick big flatbread: 600 at most.
total: 2080. fine day, fine day!
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Now that you have passed, and quite well, don't you think that some of that eating was ridiculous?
exercise: 20 minute bike ride, 40 min walk.
breakfast: ice cream. 250
early lunch: will be high cal fast food, something to give me some power! then, it'll be back to healthier eating the rest of these months ahead.
++++++++
Around 2200 today.
!!!!!!!! I passed my test! :-) !!!!!!!!!!
Now I will be looking for a job. And I will lose weight, eat healthier.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
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You go girl!
moogy on 08/15/2010:
Hey, HOP, it sounds like you are back. I am very pleased that you have turned a corner and are firing on all cylinders. You stick with it and you will succeed.
just42day on 08/15/2010:
Your goal seems realistic and I'm confident that you will hit it with your determination!
V on 08/15/2010:
Yay!!!! She's back :) I am so glad you made a turnaround
loveray on 08/15/2010:
wow!!! this entry is a keeper. so happy something inspired you. good lyck on your journey. we are here to support you. xoxo