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Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 15, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.2

Edit - took too long to get car so gym will happen tomorrow as I didn't want to be ought very late bc I got to gym late and also deal with hunger and bed late - so gym is tomorrow when I'm not also picking up my car after work from the dealership as that is done now - there was also lots of traffic bc of a storm - so tomorrow will be better. And tonight just bed

Home: kombucha settled my stomach, actually, because i woke up bloated but did nothing else other than settle the bloat a bit. 60

Breakfast at work: whole what english muffin 150, avocado 100, lox 100, garlic/pepper, coffee with lots of whole milk 100. 450.

Snack: 100 almonds

Lunch: from home - i have 2 eggs 150 and leftover seasoned israeli salad 50, zucchini noodles (store packaged but made like using a spiralizer...)with Caeser dressing i bought as a change of pace 150? will check cals later. matzah. 150. 500.

Snack 1: plum 50

1150

Before gym:granola bar? 100

1250

Dinner 550

1800, good ...if i stick to this plan.

4day: 2150

___________________________________________

My whole body and my mind is tired today.  i feel like a brick. and i feel like i have a cloud over me. ah well, moving forward. i will keep on with working out and reach my goals.  I am tired. I do not like sitting here all day. If i can train well enough to beat the test, i'll become a court officer - though to do that, i have to actually be jogging MUCH BETTER than i do now which i am still working towards...getting better but at the pace of a snail. I'll keep on. I feel like the whole world is pushing me down and that its not possible today. i am angry that it's become so difficult to change. my body actually feels swollen though i don't know what i ate that had salt? 

 ____________________________________________

Late to work by 15min, no excuse, just not leaving early enough for my new 8am time that started last Tuesday..

avocados i am having more this week after a break from them this weekend which i have been craving as i think it helps clear my skin which is broken out due to horrible eating all weekend, but enjoyment yes to eat all the crap (skin is broken out i believe from diet drinks and caffeine). 

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2018:
Hope the day gets better for you....you are past the halfway mark at least! :>)

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
yes, past the halfway mark... there's more reasons i think why i feel this way...they happen to be certain thoughts i have right now based on the weekend...will write about it later or in next few days when things get a little slower again :)

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
basically it's that i wish to work in a different type of role. and that at the outing seminar, i was told it would be great if i helped others in my administrative division be active in the union when i do not like the social part of it at all. i don't like socializing a lot, especially when tired, especially when i'd like to work out...i just don't want to be that one...the one with responsibilities to tie everyone together...i don't want to even be asked or to think about it. and knowing my dad is the opposite from me...it all is just giving me a headache.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
and farther and farther from court officer i get.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
and the more tired i get, out of shape, etc.

also, the more alone i feel and disconnected from friends.

ah well, i can change it.


bearcountrygg on 05/15/2018:
I'm sure it's not easy to really dislike the line of work you are in yet have to do that every day.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
i know i should not complain...it's just all wrong.

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2018:
meaning, my whole life is like the weirdest experience. lol. all good. moving on.


Donkey on 05/15/2018:
I'm glad you decided to skip the gym, just because when you're having a day like you describe - feeling-wise and running late with other errands (your car) - it's best not to push or rush. Just put this day behind you and to bed.

Here's a question: If you had a choice, would you prefer to do the estimating work or the union work? I'm not sure either one ranks high on your list, but if you had a choice?

Maybe that's what's getting you down today: feeling like your choices are limited... taking too long... or too far away from happening. I'm sorry I don't have something more comforting or inspiring to say at the moment. (((hugs)))

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2018:
sometimes i wish i didn't have to spend a lot of time doing fitness and not making more friendships, etc., but then i argue to myself that at least i am happy when i am in the gym...

the union doesn't pay very well and part of being in estimating is that i'm also in the union...it's kinda like if i'm estimating, i'm also in the union and that is volunteer stuff...they go together and i do not think i'd want to only work for the union...as i think it pays far lower than i make now...i'd thought and spoken to my dad about it once.

everything you said was fine as usual - good question about union stuff. it's possible to leave my company and only work for the union directly but the pay is low...being involved is good, it can get me places but all my life prior to the 7.5 years here i have always been involved and it sometimes got me somewhere and sometimes nowhere....and i just don't want to give my extra time to the union to volunteer etc bc i'm not social...or at least i do not know everyone well enough.

i wish to drift off and find myself a man who likes me for me and just be happy like that !



Horn_of_plenty - Monday May 14, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.2

8am breakfast at home: oatmeal and flax mix 200, almond milk 30, cocoa powder 30, chia seeds 30, stevia , protein powder 120, truffle oil 50. Kombucha 100. Total 600.  

snack: almonds and a plum 250

11:30 early lunch: lox 100 on a wrap 60 with avocado/garlic/pepper 160; 320...chips 230. total 550. and a leftover carrot / mashed cauliflower thing...oops, forgot this...

1450, sorta high...bc i ate what i wanted.

snacks later: granola bar / coffee 150-, pineapple 50.

Dinner: light ice cream...yes. 400 tops.and whipped cream 150.

2050. 2200

trying to get some jogging in today, ate a lot this AM but satisfied.

3day avg: 2266 - too high, of course! but last week was finally good... too high all due to one day :( on this weekend (Saturday). not happy about that. i was hungry and just eating what was there and being moderate on Saturday, but just ate too much at each meal...not on purpose though.  It's quite annoying that Saturday's calories are so high but i had a really low cal day the day before and that usually happens when people restrict a lot, higher cals follow....

it's just annoying bc Saturday has made the rest of the week harder - and compromises my loss of weight just the week before! it's like you are successful and then i derail my success...like deleted the success i worked so hard for! grrrrr.

 ____________________________

To do: laundry = done

, jogging = done

, quick supermarket trip =  done

, drop car odd to be serviced this afternoon for tomorrow, = done

take public transport home and involves a bit of walking too, = done

dentist and get allergy medicine from my dad bc my mom was nice enough to buy me some on sale = done

clean hamster cage - saved for the weekend.

....glad to have today off.

Maybe watch a movie at home tonight from library. - maybe watch another night.

not sure all activities will get done...bc taking some time out to just relax.

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/14/2018:
Yay! Oatmeal for breakfast! Did you add water the night before or setup today?

Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
setup today but i do prefer it when it's overnight prepared! i just hadn't thought of it last night :)


bearcountrygg on 05/14/2018:
This week will go by fast>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
i think so :) needed today to get back into the swing of things although my mom told me i should have worked though i know better and i'm glad i planned this vaca day.


Donkey on 05/14/2018:
I hope you had an enjoyable day off. Did you get your jog in?

Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
yes, i did jog but a short one of walk/jog maybe even less than 1.5 miles bc i also road my bike there and knew i'd be walking at other points in the day...got a flat tire on my bike so will need to take it to be serviced again this weekend!

i'm so glad i got the jog in...it's been very difficult doing it and planning it....but i'm getting a little better :) i also realized during the jog that i need to play less...and practice more...that weekends like this previous one need to be once in awhile, not all the time :)


happy-1 on 05/14/2018:
Get this kind of lever for changing your bike tires. on and off in a flash. https://www.racycles.com/equipment/accessories/tools/crank-brothers-speedier-tire-levers-1807?sku=10017365&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5837lM-G2wIVh-NkCh0_mQEpEAQYEyABEgJ0vPD_BwE



Horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 13, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.2

Breakfast 450

Snacks coffee and other light drink 100, bar 150...mostly sugar

2 more bars 250

960

Fries 600, burgers from 450 White Castle drink low calorie

2050 excellent

2day

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/13/2018:
Clearly you need more coffee!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2018:
i actually had a good amount...breakfast had real coffee and i had decaf coffee too...now i need water bc i had too many diet and caffeine drinks, my face broke out! my fault!


bearcountrygg on 05/13/2018:
Getting home today?

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2018:
yes, got home around 8:30pm and very happy to be back home, although overall the seminars were great and my time today with my friend and her family were good too....i just really love my alone time.


Donkey on 05/13/2018:
It's nice how you can incorporate "junk food" into your day and still stay on track. I'm not sure why or how or what, but I do find that reassuring.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2018:
because it was a busy day and we were kept occupied...and away from all food for lots of periods of the day....this tends to occur once in awhile for me when away from my usual life... :)

Happy Mother's Day to you...i'll be catching up soon with everyone!

Like you, i'm not good with lots of socialization all day or large loud families / crowds, so some of this weekend was quite uncomfortable for me - but - i'm glad i went and checked it out and really am not sure if i'll go again....but at least i did it once.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2018:
it's an annual thing where there's a treat at a very acamodating place to stay and classes we partake in as well as socialization..personally, i can't take so much socialization bc i like to be alone more than most people.



Horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 12, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.2

850 before lunch

1500 after lunch

Glass of wine 150

1650

Dinner: small amount pasta 100, salad with some dressing 50, small amount beef and mushrooms 200?, big roll with butter 200, squash and carrot dish larger amount 150, baked fish with breadcrumbs 200 tops... total 900. I guess today makes up for yesterday !? Fixing this soon. Food was healthy but I chose some extras for breakfast and generally just ate well. Food was extremely healthy but at dinner we were served and not a buffet so I sort of had to work with what I was given and a large appetite - if it were buffet i would have filled up on more of the carrot salad and squash.

2550. Eh. At least I new week.

This weekend has been a bit too socially out of my element and I'm so happy to be off work Monday to do laundry and drop off car and dentist etc and not deal with work also.

However I wanted to attend a class and I am so glad that I did because. It was a good challenge. I came bc I wanted to see this union getaway facility which is an unreal excellent and wonderful investment property for the education of our members and that is what I wanted most.

I socialized as best I could and just glad to be in bed....glad I brought a friend and her boys. It's been weird as heck though with that not for any bad reason just weird and I did get to meet her fiancé who is a really nice guy ! So that was good..

Food was actually way above par wit healthy options ....

And tomorrow is another whole adventure ....

I unfortunately will not see my mom on Mother's Day as I will still be with my friend and her boys for the majority of the day. Gym is a maybe in the late afternoon / evening.

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 05/12/2018:
Hope you are having a good day. :-)

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
Thank you Maria :-)


Donkey on 05/12/2018:
I hope the change of scenery is doing you well. :-)

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
It was - I am so thankful to have the opportunity to attend the classes and stay in a room with free food and a beautiful view all weekend all just for a $25 tip and also a learning experience - that's why I went.

The amount of socialization and being amongst people I don't know well was a big challenge as I prefer quiet time alone time and don't need tons of socializing ....the woman I went with planned to take her kids zip lining after the classes on our way home and it was amazing and also wine tasting was our own little adventure :)

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
It was a learning seminar on Saturday from 8-3 and then the rest of the day was free time to really socialize with the other members or do our own thing - woman I was with went to pick up her fiancée at the ferry from Connecticut which was 30 min from where we were so we didn't hang with the group in the feee time before dinner. We also went wine tasting during the free time. Sunday we were supposed to attend a closing remarks session at 9:30 so I did but she slept in - the right thing to do is to be there though bc everyone introduced themselves again to the manager of our entire organization... and her 13 year old son (my friends son) was commended for his wonderful participation with all the adults (all other kids idea didn't attend the courses!). And at the breakfast her son was recognized but she and he weren't there :( to hear it or introduce themselves.sunday she planned ziploning and I'm glad she did. It was a great experience bc the ziplining required strength and physical ability to get to each zip line!


bearcountrygg on 05/13/2018:
Nice little vacy on the work dime???? That's always nice!

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
Yes can't say enough good things about what our electrical union does for its members ....it was a class on extremism and required tons of participation from all. I just am not very social and also get intimidated by authority figures so for me the weekend was a challenge but glad I checked it out :) and had a friend there with me.


graindart on 05/13/2018:
I don't enjoy being social with people I'll probably never see again (or rarely). It may be a flaw of mine, but I see being nice and "chatty" with random people to be a waste of my time. I'm not rude in those situations and try to play nice with everyone, but in the back of my mind I'm just counting the minutes until I can get out of there.

On the other hand, I cherish time with friends / family / and those I care about (in limited amounts of time).

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
In general I like my alone time to recharge...

The classes I took were with members of my union and I do see some of them time to time - some as often as once a month others a hair more - some are important administrators and I tend to feel intimidated by them ....so I am never relaxed when I attend these types of events also bc I am not close with many of them but also don't desire all the chit chat ....also I don't want to be very involved in weekends and like I said I like alone time.... my dad is very active in the union and they all know him but I am not as much like my father as would be helpful in the union. I have a lot to be thankful for....taking part in the type of program I did this weekend was a challenge and I'm glad I chose to take a day off Friday to jog and take car of my needs as well as taking today off for a few activities (Monday today). I crave personal time more than most and when I feel too rushed I get very anxious. Glad I don't have to be around a thousand people at work today and that I can do my laundry, jog, get my car repaired which will be a big adventure in itself getting home .... anyways ..



Horn_of_plenty - Friday May 11, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.2

7day: 1985 per day !!!!! Great!!!!

Friday total 1400 - no dinner except coffee at 7 and 2 granola bars before bed :)

Half my Journal was deleted

Today i slept in because I have the day off. I had a late tasty breakfast and plans to only go out and jog, pack for the weekend away as i'm driving with a coworker friend to a seminar about 2-2.5hrs out east for a seminar class/getaway, and then plans to go meet her at work at 2:30 as she's working and we'll leave from there. 

10am breakfast on the big side: blackberries 50, oatmeal made with oats 150, protein powder 100, almond milk-cocoa powder-chia seeds 100, a truffle oil (got tons of oils in my apt that

Progress as of today: -1.2 lbs lost so far, only 5.2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/11/2018:
It will all work out.....if you aren't comfortable driving then by all means you shouldn't.....hope you have a great weekend.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2018:
thanks...yes, totally not comfortable driving that distance myself. happy to go with her...so when i make plans, i can't just have a totally separate Itinerary so i'm glad at least she made good plans for Sunday...although it is supposed to rain so i'm wondering if ziplining will happen.


Donkey on 05/11/2018:
Is this a work seminar or a fun seminar?

A break might do you good - like a re-set. I know you've been struggling lately. So maybe a change of scene might help you recenter, refocus, upon your return.


happy-1 on 05/11/2018:
ZIPLINING IS AWESOME!!!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2018:
It was amazing bc of a physical aspect necessary for this course !!!! I want to go back.


happy-1 on 05/11/2018:
Oooh oooh... take your mom ziplining!!!


happy-1 on 05/11/2018:
Oooh oooh... take your mom ziplining!!!


Donkey on 05/12/2018:
WTH happened to the rest of your entry?!? LOL...

horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2018:
Something happened as I was editing my entry using my phone I didn't press submit and I accidentally highlighted parts and they deleted !!!!



Horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 10, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.6

Home: nothing got up with time only to shower and dress.... I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow.

Work: Overnight oats of oats 150, protein powder 100, chia seeds 50, cocoa 30, almond milk 30, stevia and cinnamon, toasted sesame oil 50.410...didn't feel full right away, but after i started digesting it after like 20 minutes, my stomach feels full. I still craved a coffee right after finishing, but the craving subsided bc the mix of oats and chia seeds has a lot of fiber. i added some oil for the healthy fats. I plan to take a break from my wraps in AM and make overnight oats as a change of pace but also i'll be trying to balance them out with healthy fat and protien. i have protein powder at home to use up, additionally. glad the expiration date hasn't passed!

Snack: coffee and almonds 200

Lunch from home: wrap 60 with avocado 160 and tuna 70 garlic and pepper and Israeli salad 150, matzah with cheese 150 600. i really enjoy these Sonoma Jack cheeses...very low cal and a big taste.!!!!!!!!!!!

Snack: coffee and maybe an apple 1350

Dinner before workout: Dunkin' Donuts egg and cheese on English muffin 360

After workout: bar ? Or ice cream not sure. prob ice cream.

2050 cals, excellent.

6day avg: 2083, fine.

___________________________________________________

....i I could have ended yesterday much lower cals but I admit to lots of overeating when I get home with no activities planned. I have to work on it. I'm going to use calorie free drinks to help me.

I also have to admit i am addicted to overeating. i stuff myself to being very full and it gets me tired. usually i go to bed afterwards, even if it's only 6pm or 7pm.

and i am still having trouble getting outta bed, no matter what the time - but still happy to show up at work at 8 instead of 7.

__________________________________________________

tomorrow in the later afternoon i'm driving out with a coworker to an event where there could be drinking at night and overeating. i will make choices and work my best to stay within a range of 2050 cals tomorrow.

same with saturday and sunday....as the event is all day and all night saturday...and sunday morning...then out for mother's day meal at 2pm sunday..

....so once again, it's my choice to either stay on the right path or get derailed. the woman i'm going with drinks a lot...i am not in a mood to drink at all...as i'm just getting into losing weight again.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 4.6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/10/2018:
I think over eating and being tired after is typical.......the thing I always think about if I eat too much and am miserable after is that I don't want to stretch my stomach out...then it will be able to hold more......and I do not want that. Lately it doesn't take much to fill me up...and that is the way I want it...I have been drinking the zero point waters...and there isn't much room for much food with those.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2018:
i used to drink a lot of flavored seltzer after dinner and i'd add stevia. it helped me from continuously overeating..i shall go back to this method :)

i used to drive home from work and pick them up along the way....now i just need to buy them on the weekend.

i def need to implement some changes and strategies to stop my destructive behaviors.



Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 09, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.0

Home: kombucha 70

Breakfast 8am: apple 130, coffee 50 (goal is to not have a big breakfast anymore when i arrive at work...waste of calories and i'm always hungry a couple hours later anyways...) I am looking to lose 5 lbs and looking for ways to lower my calorie intake / spread it out better.

Breakfast: Dunkin Donuts egg sandwich (free one i got last night bc they keep having 2 for 1 deals!) 350

Lunch: chicken with skin 300 tops, Israeli salad with some dressing 150, matzah and cheese 150. 600 ? lunch is more cals, but gotta eat and not willing to lower this here.

1200...

Snack: almonds ? 100 / clementine

1250 before dinner

Dinner was too much food having a problem with sticking to my plan

Dark meat chicken with skin 200, my own lightly oiled and roasted eggplant 150, lots of something called Moroccan carrot salad it has oil though not overboard and I had almost 2 cups 350? And whipped cream 130. Diet Coke. 830 not good seems I have a lot of trouble with portions. Next time I will force myself to have less and start buying more calorie free drinks for home.

2050 today. Hopefully not more. Like I said, I eat big portions so dinner was at least 800. Overall 2050 is still ok.

5day avg: 2090/day..

Starting today, for one month i'm making changes in my breakfast i eat at work so i can make some changes so my calories will no longer be higher than 2000 per day/week. I want to see where I am come June 10!  This is my real start to losing 5 lbs!

________________________________________________________

Yesterday went well, workouts are strong lately. I am better at the leg moves, too. :)  I am also very  energized this AM!!! feeling good. An ode to JDonkey, I am wearing dress pants instead of jeans and trying to dress nicer for work to fit in more with how people dress in NYC (Manhattan).  People dress up more here in Manhattan than in Queens, where I used to work. I actually need to stop wearing jeans..and switch to dress pants and nicer tops. I'll buy them little by little and already have a decent supply at home...Ode to Donkey bc she recently got new pants too.

________________________________________________________

Tonight i'll take a longer walk home and since I am off on both Friday and Monday, i have planned JOG SESSIONS (not gym!) on those days to make sure they happen. I was going to jog tonight, but didn't want to do it late and then Friday have to jog earlier...i didn't feel the two workouts would be spaced out enough. 

Progress as of today: -1 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

graindart on 05/09/2018:
I think lowering the breakfast calories is a smart move. For me it's always easier to skimp on the AM calories, so that I don't feel as deprived later on around dinner time. In the past, if I've used up a large portion of calories in the AM, then it's a struggle to keep under my daily allowance.

horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2018:
Same here. I love to eat and realize a lot of my AM eating Is totally to avoid starting work so yes working on it.


bearcountrygg on 05/09/2018:
When I eat early...I'm hungry all day...when I start eating later....I do get hungry in the evening...but I suspect it's more about knowing that I missed a meal and the desire to eat that 3rd meal...rather I'm hungry or not. I totally vote for waiting as long as possible before starting to eat in the A.M.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2018:
Yes working on this :)


Donkey on 05/09/2018:
I'm glad that I was able to inspire! I do try to appear more professional at work.

CONFESSION: I would love to be the type of lady who could be comfortable in a suit (skirt suit or pantsuit) at work. But either it's either not who I am or the job is too stressful to get THAT dressed up for it. The higher the stress, the more comfortable I need to be, so that I can focus.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2018:
I believe a nice blouse and nice pants are fine - i think the suit jacket is overdone....these women in the city wear lots of dresses, nice shoes, nice tops...i have no style comparatively lol.


Donkey on 05/09/2018:
PS I agree with the new approach to breakfast. Perhaps try a protein (hard boiled egg?) rather than a fruit if you're having problems with blood sugar levels. Otherwise, looked good today! (thumbs up)

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2018:
i admit to having a struggle with eating less. i feel like my stomach is a bottomless pit these days.

yes, i do get blood sugar problems but only an egg would be hard for me bc it's sooo small / no fiber EXCEPT it is a good idea to eat small when first coming into work. I can't believe how much of a struggle i feel like i am having. it's in my head mostly.



Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 08, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.0

4day: 2100...not as good as i like but def seems to be around the average the past few months..Will be trying to make tomorrow an 1800 calorie day. 

6:30am Home: kombucha 50

8:30am Work breakfast: eng muffin 150, avocado 160, frank 150, coffee 50. 

10am snacking: orange pieces from coworker 30, almonds 100

Lunch: from home: chicken with skin 300, grape tomatoes 100, matzah and cheese 150  550 or so...coworker asked if i'd make popcorn and i made it and ate it lol. it was sweet and salty! 150 cal or so.

1400

Snacks: coffee 50

1450

Dinner before gym: dunkin donuts egg sandwich 350 

Snack: light ice cream or a cliff bar yes...approx 260-300..

total above 2100...GOOD on a gym day.

 hunger: still very hungry thru morning, but was happy to get up later today and go to lunch after 4 hours instead of 5.  still not staying particularly on track but def working on lowering calories. i'd be very happy with 2100 cals for today :-) and i'm looking forward to a strong workout tonight :)  this weekend with calories should be decent being that i will be busy and occupied rather than at home :)

_______________________________________________

I have a question regarding online morality in facebook groups...lol.  More and more often, i find myself in strange predicaments over the past couple years. Maybe in fact it's my own wrongdoing..

Here’s the story, please be honest and tell me what you think:

 

I was in a friend’s online facebook private group.  She made it and there’s no fee or contributions or sales in it. It’s just a page called “Hot Trotters” and it’s for both men and women to post about fitness or just be in the group and to like / comment on members’ posts that are in the Hot Trotters group.  The friend who made the group, who I only know from the neighborhood and in my gym, invited me bc she knows I am into fitness as I met her at the gym and she I guess thought I’d make a good member of her Hot Trotters Facebook group page.

 

She posts a lot of videos of photos of herself working out – after all, it is her page! So of course it makes sense and since I like to motivate and inspire, I’ve always liked her stuff and made comments here and there. I also post in there, as she has invited us to do so – so I’ve posted some pics or just a post to say I was at the gym and i have enjoyed being part of the group of people who post and like/comment on my posts, etc…..

 

She recently invited a few more people to the group and said in a post “Let’s welcome these new guys” and she listed their names. Very nice. So I said welcome and I said I hope they post their workouts! 

 

Well, when she saw my comment, that I hoped to see posts of their workouts ,  she called me out on what I said.  I didn’t expect it. She used caps letters in her writing and wrote something like “no one has TO POST their workouts and it is up TO THEM!” …something like that is what she wrote to me in front of all members there. ..

 

I went on to comment back (maybe I shouldn’t have?) and wrote that I was just welcoming them and I wasn’t trying to be forceful just welcoming them in the group!

 

I messaged her privately asking her if I  said something wrong and she said “Yes, you need to watch what you say…”to not be forceful to group members and that she had several members asking her why I was telling them what to do, she said!!!!!

 

Now, I continued and told her that it wasn’t my position to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I was just trying to be nice.

I thought the way she dealt with my comment was overboard and sort of bullying.  I wasn’t making anyone do anything. I was just suggesting they post…it’s a facebook page!  Isn’t fb all about posting and stuff? I didn’t say it was mandatory or anything…just I was interested to see a post! Is this so bad?

 

Is it because she’s the group leader and she just expects us to behave like animals and follow her without a brain in our own heads? Meaning, when she tells us towelcome them, does it seriously mean we cannot write more than welcome?

 

I told her privately that she embarrassed me in the way she called me out in that group page in front of people. I told her I expected more of her as a friend. She didn’t even read all my messages, simply saying that if I wanted to leave the group,  that is fine.  I was really shocked so was so concerned with what I wrote, except it is her page. But what I said was not demeaning or rude. I wonder why she couldn’t just respond to my message to everyone that posting is never mandatory, but instead she was rude to me..

 

I probably shouldn’t care but I do NOT like being told what to do.  I’m in her group for fun and support. But when I’m being supportive and just using fine language and saying nothing “wrong,” I will not be told I am wrong all because she’s the leader and doesn’t expect us to say too much of anything other than a like here and a comment there and nothing that I guess comes across as having a mind my own?

 

This once happened before with me, yes, in a group where the leader was selling products but I was only interested in the motivational part. It made sense for me to leave bc that leader was interested in making money and didn’t like my posts on food outside what she was posting (fine).

 

But in this group, where there’s no money or products involved, just support and KIND thoughts, I will not be told my comment is so bad when it was seriously a comment on what  goes on in the group. And for the leader of that group to call me out and say I am demanding and pushing others around. I was far from it. She took my comment too literally.  I defriended her and left the group, she further blocked me fully. 

 

Nobody likes being bossed around or told they are wrong…I feel she took me on the wrong side. I don’t join groups just to like and comment and not be able to write my thoughts at all…

 

I know it’s not a big deal, but was I wrong???? She has invited us in the past to post…so why when I saw I look forward to their posts am I so wrong? It must be bc I am not that fb leader of the page…and she wants to be in charge? It’s all I can think of. 

 Basically, I had a problem with her calling me out on something i said that i intended as a nice comment and thoughful and welcoming.  I didn't like how she kept saying i was forceful and making members do things, and that she said i needed to watch what i say. I thought she was rude, embarassing me, and telling me what is allowed and not - making rules for what is allowed for her members to say and not and i felt like instead of fun that she was essentially a bully towards me on her page.  I thought it was so rude she called me out instead of just saying that posting is ok, but not mandatory. I don't know why i need to be so careful of what i say when the intentions are only to motivate, inspire and welcome people. And being told to watch myself, and being spoken to like i did wrong, it seems way overboard on her part and so i told her and left the situation. but i let her know - i'm not gonna take that crap and not tell her that essentially she was bullying and forcing me to adhere to her strange rules about what i can and can't write.

Perhaps you guys have a better view of this situation than i?  (I doubt it though?)

 

Progress as of today: -1 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
I personally don't think you did anything wrong. She did say to welcome the new people......

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
lately i find myself in all these weird predicaments. maybe i'm just friends with weird folks, i just don't know !!


graindart on 05/08/2018:
Just one of the many reasons I dumped FB a couple years ago......

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
lol yes sometimes things are taken completely out of context :-(


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
What you said was encouraging...and welcoming...I think the problem lies with her...like you said...it's her page...so I guess she makes the rules there....don't take it personally.....the world as we know it is changing rapidly...if we are trying to help someone...and they don't want the help...that is their right....and we will know that they make statements....but don't want feedback.....maybe you should start a page like that yourself.....you would make an awesome trainer....looking back at the name of her page...maybe it wasn't as much about working out as it was about her posting pics of her for attention from guys.

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
ty, agreed. it makes me sad when things like this occur. i honestly don't have the motivation or desire to make my own page haha...that's why i liked being part of hers. i do know this whole topic sounds quite kiddie / childlike. glad to be done :)


bearcountrygg on 05/08/2018:
You don't need that...that's for sure....if it stops being fun...it becomes a chore....best just leave it behind. There are other huge groups out there...where you won't know the others personally...maybe that would be a better option.

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
yes. i am in a few... :)

and yes it felt more like a chore. thanks again!


Donkey on 05/08/2018:
I don't think you did anything wrong, but even if you did by posting, your friend was even MORE wrong by calling you out in front of the group. WTH - no, you take off the group and address it in an IM. She was RUDE. (Sorry)

horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2018:
Lately, some people i have been friends with socially i have begun to have these sort of strange issues with...it could be me or them or a mix of both. either way, it's frustrating in general to face conflicts with people that i wish i never had to face...you know, maybe it is normal in life to have to deal with some of these types of people. i can learn and grow and i guess it shows i have some boundaries and self respect where i will not just take any type of treatment (no matter how poor it may be!) from people without speaking up. Honestly, i guess i'm right to speak up - it just blows things up when i do and when i let people know how their actions make me feel in turn it pisses them off a bit too! it's probably well-deserved in their cases though...

it will be interesting when i see her next at the gym...she goes to my gym this woman with the group page. i plan to say hi and wave - and that is all! she will probably be angry still or even may ignore me, but i just don't care anymore!

horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2018:
the way she called me out in front of the group - she probably did it to clear things up for the group if they really think i was demanding they post lol...and also showing she's the "leader." either way, she has an interesting personality herself and i don't think she has many close friends - so either way i'm saying it very well could be she didn't choose the best way to deal with the situation, as you said.



Horn_of_plenty - Monday May 07, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.0

And now scale says 115. So since last week, it has moved from 113...to 114...to 115. If it's muscle, i'm ok with it....i may try to my best to forget the scale...more importantly is seeing improvements in strength and cardio...

________________________________________

kombucha 30

7am Bigger Breakfast: wrap 70, avocado 160, sausage 150, garlic/pepper, orange 100, almonds 100, coffee 50. Like an actual big breakfast wow not what i needed but at least HEALTHY..

9:00AM Snack: almonds 140

lunch: chicken breast with some skin, a carrot, a pepper. 400. and a few pretzels bc i am not trying to low carb it and feel deprived

1250.

coworker gave out small chocolates from easter...i ate it! lol 60 cal. better than deprivation, sorry.

1310 :)

snack: asian pear type of fruit: 150...today it's about taking the long walk home from the bus, 1.5 mi. then dinner and cooking some veggies for the rest of the week..making salad, etc. almonds 80-90

1400

dinner: light ice cream 280 with accidentally too much whipped cream 250 lol. i did do pretty well today and plan to do well this week still ! had a wonderful walk home holding a heavy leather jacket  / my bag had to be around 20 lbs at least! i was happy to be home, the walk otherwise was the best!!!! 550, tops.

1950 total, and this week i have a plan - keep cals at an average around 2000 or less. the good news is that i did very well calorie-wise...and i have to keep on doing good! :) by having a slightly smaller lunch, with fresh veggies rather than cooked ones, i am starting to do better again.

Sat 2200

Sun 2150

Mon 1950

3day: 2100...i'm working to bring it lower, def used to eating much more as of the past months.

i enjoy having treats over food sometimes. not changing that. i just need to watch portions at times in general and perhaps try for less in the mornings before lunch, but not much less ;)

I am sticking to this plan, will try to eat lunch SLOWLY so it feels more filling. I'm sick of gaining weight so i'm def sticking with this plan today - no extra grazing or meals...as donkey and i have discussed, i do feel that my eating as gotten a lot worse lately and i'm snacking and using food as a delay tactic and emotionally more and more.

And since this is a short week, i will def try to make it right and get the run in on Wednesday. I'm still a beginner at this point - only running up to 1/4 mile at a time (one time around the track then walking and so on).  Once again, i think that starting work at a more optimal 8am is going to help me GREATLY...I do not have the big snacking problem in the afternoon, it's mostly a morning issue...and being able to sleep till a more optimal time seems more beneficial too.

______________________________________________

Bed early and smiling that my alarm clock is no longer waking me up before 5am.

And promising myself a renewed resolve to get more and more into jogging - weekends i have no problem doing it, and now i'm resolving to do it, 1x during the workweek, preferably WEDNESDAYS and outdoors. If it rains, i am going to just do the steps in my apt building, for like 15min or less. The end :)

___________________________________________

My Boss was in and he said somethng that totally led into who i'm assisting now (and she comes in at 9) so i kindly offered to come at 8am instead of 7am so i'm working with her for a bigger portion of the day...! DONE! I feel better. Even though many people are beginning work in NYC at 7am, I have personally chosen to NOT CONTINUE being one of them! :)

I am really happy that today is my LAST day of 7am start for awhile! cheers. I just hated starting at 7...starting at 8am may take a few more minutes in commute, but, as we all know, things are give and take...nothing is a perfect deal!

But now my meals and eating are more in line also with a more normal schedule - like not having dinner like an early bird special anymore at 4:30-5:30..but a tad later...i hope for this to give me less stress.

Progress as of today: -1 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Mine went up this morning too...for no reason I can see.....it's a mystery!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2018:
yeah, not cool!

honestly, if it were mostly muscle i'd be ok with it - just buying a bigger size clothes is what i'm not as happy about.


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
I hear you...I had gotten rid of some of my bigger clothes...so I'm very limited right now...but NOT buying a bigger size.

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2018:
yes, not a fan of shopping for a new wardrobe, will not happen.


happy-1 on 05/07/2018:
Augh... don't give in and buy clothes. They are a terrible use of money.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2018:
once, i totally lost control and totally had to - i had gained SO MUCH WEIGHT and it took years to then take it off! #neveragain! lol


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
Not to mention...new...bigger clothes encourage us to stay big because we have new big clothes!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2018:
Yes they do!


bearcountrygg on 05/07/2018:
We cannot do that...we have to make do...TEMPORARILY!!!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2018:
That's what i'm doing, yes... :)



Horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 06, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 115.0

114 on the scale so still working to bring that number down as I used to wake up in summer and winter with it saying 110.

Not the best Breakfast but also not the worst in calories or even nutrtional fat/protein/carbs ratio: protein cookie and whipped cream 500. Quick extra snack: peanut butter 100.  600. diet coke

lunch: english muffin 150, avocado 150, lox 100, celery 50. 450

snacks: banana and light ice cream 300 and some bites of chicken i was putting together for lunch this week..of course lol.

1400

Dinner: over at a friend's house...she'll have veggies and cooking meat, she asked me to bring the fruit...sounds like a plan :)...had pretzels 200, very small frank and so tasty in a bun 300, lots of veggies 150, fruit 100

overall cals around 2150

________________________________________________

I also know that i have to better plan my jogging - but i will say that i've done it EVERY WEEKEND so far. I just now need to implement a weekday for it. Now i fixed my bike, i can ride it to the running track and not even need to use my car, which is great.  This will help me TONS with getting to the track...so now, I just have to make a plan and stick with it. It's been like a month of just getting into running and if i can manage one more day at 2x per week, i'll improve. Right now, i'm happy i do it again, but now it's about trying to improve.

At the gym, i wasn't improving for a long time since Winter as i was sick a bit in January and also was taking a class and def had a hard time with being consistant. Now, after being consistant for around 2 months, and probably even more than that, I notice some improvement again at the gym. Such a wonderful thing!! So, once again at age 35, I can say i see improvement with dedication and hard work. 

I hope i can say the same for running. If i could manage it 3x per week, that would be best...but that's pushing it. So, the goal now is to do it 2x....meaning that Wednesdays i should reserve as running days after work!!!! :-) Will try this approach for the rest of the month of May.

_______________________________________________

I know it's weird i want to adjust my work hours to start at 8 instead of 7am bc i  feel i'm gaining weight, but, as nobody will have a problem with my difference in work times, i may as well do what feels better for me.

I think the extra sleep / later wake up will be healthier for me as waking up just before 5am doesn't seem right anymore....and is very difficult to do day in and day out - it seems i just really got used to it now after 2.5months of doing it,  but i know my body and i know it'd be better sleeping later..

i also think that waking up later will be healthier for me with producing results with exercise...this is also why i am thinking to go back to 8am. also with hunger - i was thinking that i'd be eating less thru the morning if i am at work at 8 instead of 7...for all these reasons, i may ask to work at 8am-4:30 instead of 7-3:30.  there are advantages and disadvantages to both situations, but like i said, things need to change for me and i think i'll just deal wtih a later dismissal time and more crowded busses lol bc i don't think 7am is doing be particularly any good.

Progress as of today: -1 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/06/2018:
One thing that used to happen to WW people was estimating points....and once they went back to measuring and counting...they usually found that they were either over estimating too high and cheating themselves...or too low and eating more than they thought......possibly counting and measuring for a day may show some discrepancies.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2018:
with me it's not the overestimating...or at least i pride myself on decent calorie counting in the past..

for me, it's KNOWING that my body is NOT burning 2100 cals per day, but that i continue to eat that way, and i'm facing the facts that i will gain weight.

it seems that i'm not burning as much as i used to when i was running last Spring/Summer/Fall and i really need to stop eating as much as though i were burning more...if you get what i mean.

also, even though most people wouldn't consider this option, part of my reason to start work later is the fact that i hope to not be eating all morning like i do now. i feel my eating habits, hunger, and work hours aren't going well together. and since we all know 7am is early, and not everyone at work starts then, i'm going to ask for 8am going forward.


bearcountrygg on 05/06/2018:
One thing I've found now is that it is really easy to find calories for just about every food by googling it.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2018:
most foods i eat i know the cals :)...the rest i try to estimate based on what i know...it is def easy to google it...and even when you google it, it could be off based on your portion size to theirs.

one reason i don't eat a lot of pizza and those types of products is that it's really hard to estimate those calories due to huge variations of pizza due to crust thickness, type of sauce, amount of cheese, etc....and also that food never satisfied me...anyways...yeah. i appreciate your comments :)

i think my problem is basically eating too much for my calorie burn. the weight has come on slowly but surely. meaning i NEED to cut calories again. working at 8am could help, as i'd still eat lunch at noon but have less eating going on in the morning hours.


Donkey on 05/06/2018:
It's nice when we see improvements in our workouts :-) Did you jog today?

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2018:
Finally yes and I know if I want to improve I need to do it more often :)



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