i binged bad yesterday and now i stayed home from school (not feeling that great but not totally at all bc of the binge) and this morning i also ate pretty poorly. the odds are REALLY HIGH i'm skipping school tomorrow too...but hopefully tomorrow (wed) i won't binge....sheesh. no energy today at all.
breakfast: popcorn 160, oatmeal w. egg/cinnamon160, THREE yogurts 450, THREE servings almonds lightly salted: 480: total: 1250 way to NOT be healthy. my mom has pie in her bedroom, i will NOT have ANY.
snacking: hamburger bun 150, with avocado 80. 230 total.
snack: large green pepper 40? i need less salt, more veggies...might have to go out and buy some...
1520 so far...
late snack: microwave meal 360, 2 yogurts 300 blah. ... PIE i'm a wreck. 250?, chips 4 servings 560 more chips 140
4pm: lots of ice cream with hot fudge...from mcdonalds and baskin robbins.
i feel like DEATH!...maybe i should go to the gym and just get on the elliptical for like a half hour....because if i don't i think i may just get even worse...mentally, emotionally, physically...
Progress as of today: -20 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
i was feeling really sick today. but i think it was all allergies, even though i did take some medicine. it culminated in me coming home early (we were all let out about 1.5 hours early) and i binged.
first binge in awhile. i don't feel better. and i can't say i felt great during it. at least i've stopped now....i will probably take tomorrow off. i feel miserable, not just from the binge but my nose, etc.
calories before the binge: 1450
total calories: i actually didn't count everything while binging. i'm guessing total calories today are around 4000. not feeling so hot. i don't have energy for the gym.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
I have been hit/miss with entries/comment, but hopefully today on will be more like it used to be....
Rest & feel better for sure!
good morning. this morning i will do some laundry, to be put away later this evening. haha.
i want to get some good exercise in, even though my body is a little tired from yesterday's awesome exercise i think. but that is the thing - i must keep moving more. or i'll continue to be flabby and out of shape - i especially need to work on toning my legs/lower body.
really, really tasty breakfast: 2 slices bread 220, 2 slices cheese (220), a little olive oil spray, and 1/4 avocado 80, side of strawberries 50, 2 drink packets 50. total: 620 approx. good!
snack: yogurt 130, strawberries later 50
lunch: too much, a bit late, at grandma's. 930 or something after a few cookies too many ha.
dinner: salad 80, microwave lasagna 290, fruit 120 total here: around 500
not great eating in terms of sodium/sugar or health. ehh, some things were really healthy but all the cheese definitely wasn't. i had cheese at breakfast, lunch, and dinner!
total cal: around 2250 or so. blah. but definitely within a sorta healthy range...
overall, i'm content with this weekend!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
I loved your description of "awesome exercise". I have never been to that point where exercise is awesome. I hope to work up to that.
Have a great week.
turns out 2nite is the concert, not last nite. haha. ended up going to starbucks and seeing a movie with my best friend instead. :) all is good anyway.
late wakeup today around 9. breakfast: egg 60 and a mix of american and munster cheese 240 on 2 slices whole wheat bread 220, small orange 80 total: 600 good.
snack: bar 180
snack: drink packet 20
dinner at diner: turkey burger, side steamed broccoli, salad w. little oil, dessert 2 coffees: seriously, no more than 600 if that.
total food today was GREAT: 1400!!!! and i bet i burned close to 2200 today!!!!!!!!! nice job me.
going to the concert 2nite. hopefully the weather will hold up a bit...
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
As far as the people in your classes, that will never change. Don't allow them to steal your joy, ruin your goals, ruin your future because they are calling you 'pudgy'. Ohhhhh, big tough guy texts a word to you..what an ahole that guy is, right? Thank GOD you don't date him, eh? How did he get your cell number anyway? I'd change my cell number. As hard as it is for you to believe this..you are NOT FAT..I am the same height as you and let me tell you, men thought I was SEXY with those curves. But I worked that curvy frame and I owned a room when I walked into it. Confidence is very sexy, and if you have to FAKE It until you MAKE IT..then DO IT. Even at the weight I am right now, men tell me I am 'hot' or 'sexy' or 'exciting'....and let me tell you this, it isn't because I look good in a bikini. HAHAHAHAHA
Get control of your confidence, let it shine, fake it if you have to, but do not walk with your head down, defeated, depressed and bummed about what you think a mess you are. Life is hard enough without us beating up on ourselves or allowing others to intimidate us.
You won't realize it until later, all this confrontation is actually making you stronger and you will need more strength when you finally are on your own as an independent woman. Perhaps that is why you aren't on your own yet because you aren't ready for it. So hey, take it for what it is worth, learn from the aholes how to ignore them and rock on with your life like a superstar, or let them destroy you.
In the end, those really are our only two choices!
Have a great weekend!
ROUGH DAY. TOUGH DAY. NOT A GOOD DAY BY ANY MEANS. I DIDN'T BINGE THOUGH. AND I DID EXERCISE A GOOD AMOUNT.
i started off on the wrong foot, setting my alarm clock to wake me up at 5:50pm instead of AM. but at least i was up with more than enough time to get ready, even though i did get up late. i didn't have breakfast, just taking some low carb wraps with me to eat in the car on the way. actually, they worked well to satisfy me throughout the morning. my anxiety calmed my hunger today. we had a quiz that i studdied for about 30 minutes for last night and 45 minutes this morning once i got to school. i somehow got one wrong only and got the bonus, so i gut a 100. quiz was in the afternoon, so i was full of anxiety all morning...and i'm even more anxious i believe bc i'm going to see a band concert tonight, and i'm specifically going to see a past student i used to give private lessons on the french horn to. she's a sophmore in college, a college band concert.
this whole day i've been FULL of negative emotions. to the point of thinking, once again, what it would be like to not be alive anymore. basically, i said to myself "i'll use up all my money, enjoy the summer, and then we'll see what i feel like doing." i'm not actually going to kill myself, please, don't worry about that. but my emotions are quite destructive at the moment. i have a classmate who continuously tells me "you're the scum of the earth, better just drop out of the program, etc..." today he called me "pudgy" and even texted it to me on my phone! and this guy is going to be 30 this year. the people in my class piss me off, their behavior to the teachers and lack of maturity. what ass****s. i have the "priveledge" of going to school with a lot of not so intelligent people. they continuously try to put each other down, during class, in front of teachers. they talk back to each other and think they're alll SO smart. now, there are NINE people in my class, that's it! and about, eh, 4 of them are not enjoyable to be around. the other 4 or so are fine. i don't hate the world. i am once again having a hard time. this was the first week back from vacation.
breakfast: 220
snack: 150
late lunch after quiz: 250
snack: 170
late snack, "dinner" of nature valley granola bar packet: 180.
total so far: 970
late coffee after concert and maybe a snack of some kind:
feeling good about myself: not in the least.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
breakfast: 320 oatmeal, egg whites (i mix them together and add cinnamon after) yogurt on top
snack: 290 dried cranberries, almonds
lunch: 500 banana, plain low carb wrap, sandwich of avocado/canned salmon on a wrap
snack: 220 two yogurts, diet coke
1330 before dinner.
dinner: 600
total around 2000 today. ok.
exercise: jogging or walking at park...we'll see how i feel when i get there...
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
so tired today. didn't sleep well again...really restless, especially afer being on the phone with this new guy, sorta new, anyway. woke up at 3am...arg.
breakfast: too big 450
snack 1 : 140
snack 2: 290
lunch: 460
snack: dumb 3 yogurts 330 (started to binge and i'm stopping NOW!)
total before dinner: 1670 :( not very good actually.
dinner: pizza, lettuce i think. i made a canned salmon-avocado wrap: 270, and an avocado salad w. lettuce: 180 or so. total here: 450
total food (and i'm bingy as ever!): 2120
exercise: probably the park...
not a great day. school sucked because it was royally boring and i am a bit sick of some of my classmates. they like to make jokes about one another but they tend to be humiliating or negative, even though its a joke. its what friends do...but i also realize since the majority (6 out of 9) students are male, that is just what guys do.
whatever.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
I hate those nights where sleep just won't come..or stay..whutever...hope you get some much needed rest tonight~
i'm almost too tired for the gym!!!!! :( but i have to go or i'll eat.
pretty healthy eating today, aside from maybe too much salt.
1200 cal up till dinner.
dinner:
so tired after school today. i sorta slept well, but was tossing and turning a bit.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
How cool of you to go to the gym even tho your are exhausted...WTG!
back to school...........
breakfast: banana, oatmeal, egg mix: 350 good!
snack: almonds, cranberries: 290 fine....chips later on 140
lunch: DD flatbread and chips: 440 i think.. went out for someone's bday at school....large fries, and a really good chicken sandwich w. mozzerella, grilled peppers, etc. haha. but it was just what the dr. prescribed!!!!! so, i don't know how much....but i'm guessing around 1100 at least....probably more, but no need to make myself all worked up....i forgot the ice cream cake!!!! ahhh, at least 500 more. 1600
snack: diet soda!
dinner: the DD flatbread sandwich i bought in the AM 290, also some healthy drink mix packets to fill me up more 50 total is good: 340
total: 2720...i will not let myself eat anything more.....there is NO need! but, let me tell you, it's gonna be difficult.
doing well. :) (feeling well)
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
Are you going to school during the summer also? How much longer until you are finished? Just curious!!
breakfast: yellow raisin, oatmeal, egg mixture was good.
snack: fiber one bar.
lunch: dunkin donuts, 2 cookies, drink: 550 nice.
total before dinner: 1180
dinner: pizza w. avocado, salad. not filling, ate too fast, wanted something more which is not good. going out for a bike ride soon....660 or so.
1840...not satisfied at all after dinner....
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
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i know those days well! keep looking forward tomorrows another day!
Maria7 on 05/05/2009:
Pie in her bedroom??????
mama_nurse on 05/05/2009:
Have a great day!
MoodyMe on 05/05/2009:
Wish I knew what to say~I have binged plenty of times in my life and know the feeling, both emotionally and physically, you get during and after...It's a vicious cycle.
All I can say is hang in there~tomorrow is a brand new day..hope you start feeling better...
Donkey on 05/05/2009:
What you should do is go to bed. You're not feeling well to begin with. Take care of yourself!
Yeah, what is your mom doing with pie in the bedroom?
I still love ya though. And I love reading your entries. Keep trying!
thinnside40 on 05/05/2009:
Pie in the bedroom?!?!?!?!?!?
H_O_P ~ I haven' been around faithfully for a bit, but I see the up up up up up in numbers when all our goals are to go down down down down.... I am not excusing myself either...I have went UP for sure, but hopefully on the way back to only down..... Health has to come into play and not just the numbers... Pretend we can see our insides as we abuse them by doing the hidious eating patterns we do from time to time... What else does it expect of us, but to confuse it and eventual revolt.... I don't want that to happen to any of us..... I say to take a good look at the BIG picture of healthy living to feed the need and not think we need the food to get us through rough patches, etc..... Fill the need, not voids...
REST IS BEST right now for sure..... Too much junk is going on in this world to fool around getting any sicker..
selina on 05/06/2009:
Thanks for message, Hop! I hope you are feeling better... DO NOT GIVE UP! You are worth every effort... Hugs