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Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Nov 27, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

happy thanksgiving. my plan is to relax basically ALL day. :) 

breakfast: tofu/bran and green drink...followed later by a kombucha: 340

snack: pumpkin pudding made with about 2 glasses of milk, some pumpkin, fat free butterscotch pudding mix, cinnamon. it was alright. 320

lunch: chicken, salad, salsa: 240

snack: 4 bran crackers 50

dinner: i gave in and had what i wanted. only went back for another portion of pumpkin pie-and i don't regret that! it was good. i love pumpkin pie. it's my favorite pie. i'm guessing in total dinner was around 1800.

total: 2650? not too shabby for thanksgiving day.

however, my goal is to LOSE weight. I almost gave into some peanut butter after dinner. glad i didn't.

I MUST succeed in this weightloss. It is my #1 goal right now.  of course doing VERY well in school is too. but i NEED NEED NEED to lose weight. i just must.

so i've learned...and i know...keep the meals SMALL but satisfying. snacks.  i will succeed i know i can. today's calories weren't even bad.  all i have to do is keep chugging along and at some point the weight will be where i want it to be.

in fact, i'm going to weigh myself right now...scared...

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 11/27/2008:
Enjoy your day!



Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Nov 26, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

 total cal: around 2010

large healthy dinner. tons of veggies, chicken, pumpkin pudding dessert...600

exercise: YOGA. even though i feel out of shape and jiggly. lol. gotta just go through it.

today went well.  I think i got a perfect score on both exams. :)  I did well on week on exams actually! 4 tests in 3 days. thank god thats over. so far, we have 3 tests when we return from break, but there will DEFINITELY be more once we go over material on Monday. but for now, yay! break!

Breakfast: my usual for the time being. getting bored of it though. tofu and bran. 200.  I woke up at FOUR AM today! yes, 4. And thankfully since i accidentally fell asleep studying!

snack: a bran cracker. 10

lunch: party. 3 chicken wings and a LARGE slice of mushroom pizza. all was GREAT. fullowed by several cups of diet pepsi. was filling. 1,000 hopefully not more!

snack: large apple, kombucha. 200

total so far 1410. good for a pizza party. there was lots more food - and desserts. but i said why ruin a good day.

dinner: chicken, salad, other veggies. :) i've been drinking too much kombucha. but maybe a bit more? 

 

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 11/26/2008:
Happy Thanksgiving to you!!!



Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 25, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

things are ok over here :)

don't really want to discuss what happened last night. but i do plan on telling you guys because i want your feedback....it's too much to write right now. i need to STUDY.

breakfast: tofu/bran. i like this! 200

snack: green drink yum. 80

lunch: eh. not much to choose from. vegetable rotini soup from subway which was very good and some chips. 250

snack: natural protein bar, another green drink. around 320

snack: orange pepper. 50.

dinner: large piece of grilled chicken cutlet, lettuce, lots of salsa :) around 400

ehh, had some dessert. pumpkin pudding i made using milk, sf pudding, and pumpkin. 280...and some kombuca. 60....340

total: 1640.  it's still ok. a bit high for the kind of weight loss i want, but mostly healthy. so what the heck.

 

tomorrow i have a darn pizza party to go to. i have to eat it so i'll enjoy it! only once slice, of course. then i will visit the gym! :) i've put off yoga until after thanksgiving. 

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 11/25/2008:
I remembered the other day to look at the name of those pecan substitute thingys that I listed a couple months back...Here is the website:

http://www.bowlbys.com/greatest_bits.htm

1640 is great!.... Keep up the self-reinforcement attitude!


WI3 on 11/25/2008:
Just stopping by to let you know I'm reading and still supporting you!


loveray on 11/25/2008:
looks like a really healthy and productive day!! love you.


skinnyjeans on 11/26/2008:
Good luck at the pizza party. You can do it! Just eat the one slice reeeeaaalllly slowly. LOL



Horn_of_plenty - Monday Nov 24, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

as far as sleep is concerned, i'm getting a lack of it.  last night i went to bed around 4am because i was studying. and tonight i'm now taking a break before going back and studying. it's 12:20am.  i feel like a freshman again. ugh...and it's worse this time around. exams upon exams, all memorizing. it's worth it though.

i would write what happened between myself and my sister now but i'll save that for tomorrow. boy does life never have a dull moment.  and this time i can say i did nothing wrong. lol. and i'm not kidding.  i admit it when i am wrong...i'll discuss this one tomorrow. but it sure is disgusting.

i have already had at least two cans of diet coke.  i am going to end up totally exhausted come thanksgiving day. that is just like me. i always overstress myself right before a break bc i know i can relax during break. however, it would be nice to enter the break already somewhat relaxed. I know myself - i'll probably end up with so little energy on thursday and fri (i have off) that i'll not want to do anything. perhaps this can change??

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

breakfast: 200  tofu and bran

snack: apple 80

lunch: green drink, soy chips: 280

snack: large fresh pressed green drink from a health food store 180, nut/fruit bar170, 1/2 kombucha30.  total: 380

total so far: 940 :)

dinner: will be 1/2 block tofu microwaved, large salad w. peppers. possibly a little more kombucha. 330 or so.

total: 1300 about. lots of diet coke - yuck. but i had to in order to stay awake.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 11/24/2008:
You did have a good day eating wise though.... C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S!

Get some good quality sleep A.S.A.P., cause it will be what helps you the most to be the sharpest & healthiest you can be... Take Care!


loveray on 11/25/2008:
sleep sleep my wonderful HOP! have a great day. xoxo



Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Nov 23, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

here's to a new me. come spring i will weigh at least 115 lbs again. it is not hard to do. all i have to do is eat right EVERY day (almost) and exercise. EASY as cake. I will be proud of myself in the end. then, i just need to keep it off. not hard. very doable. it'll feel GREAT. this is for myself. to look hot. again - and for the rest of my life.

i was talking to my grandma today about weight and all the issues. she mentioned a good point - that i am an adult now and i know what to do to lose the weight. so basically, she's saying do what you have to. lol, i know that already, but she made it clear that in a way its like an obligation to myself if that makes any sense.

i have only really gained the weight in the past year and a half. no reason why it isn't a GREAT time to lose it. I will lose this weight and it is one of my top priorities. I was watching a video earlier that practically documents much of my initial weight loss because it was for a class and filmed over a period of 3 months. so every ten minutes a slightly thinner person appeared lol.  it's hard to believe how much success i had.  and i kept the weight off for approx. 4 years. this is sad, that i let it go. so sad. but you live and you learn, right? 

i don't have a winter coat. and the ones in my house are actually too small. i'll have to go PUCHASE one tomorrow. with weight gain came buying new clothes. new clothes i'd rather not buy that i didn't even love wearing. i must lose this weight for me. i must.

i have a long ways to go. to get to even 130 lbs is just a bit under 10 lbs away. i do know that low carb, or extremely low carb, will NOT work for me. like i've said, not too much should be off limits. but the things i do choose should be usually healthy. this week i have a pizza party for thanksgiving. not really a weightloss food. i guess one slice should not kill me. i'll have that. and eat healthy for the remainder of the day.

i want to go back. be back in a thin body. i do not like what i've done to myself one bit.

i will go to the party because it is my duty to go. it really doesn't matter if i feel like it or not. not going just shows apathy or an attitude of indifference to those i work/go to school with. so, even if i feel like a disgusting fat pig, i'll be there. i plan to get a haircut and blow dry that day. nice hair should help.

as you can see, i don't think this is a breakdown, but i can't tell. what i do know is that this has gone tooooooo far. i know i can do this and i know i can even stay thin for the rest of my life. this has gone on WAY too long. way too long!

i need to make this promise with myself and actually keep it this time.  i am so pretty and i have let it all slide right past me. i am soooo worth it. i want to strut and show off what i have. why, at 26, not be looking the best i can. what the hell is wrong with me!? am i seriously that mental that i let school and other things impede my progress? can't i not stand and look proud with who i am? what am i doing to myself? what did i do to myself? why?

 

 

sunday entry:

breakfast: 2eggs, a pepper, some yogurt, green drink 440

snack: pepper, tuna w. bbq sauce: 180

another snack: 1/4 cup peanut butter 400

 

total so far: 1020. hmmm. my goal is 2,000 today - meaning don't surpass 2,000.

snack: bran crackers: 90 and tea :) i survived grandma's :)

snack before dinner: plum 50

dinner: salad, tofu, orange pepper, kombucha: 310 :)

total: 1450 :) sooooooo happy.

 

___________________________________________

sat. night entry:

these are my calorie totals, each day of the week starting this past Monday:

m-4500

t- 7000

w-3200

th-4500

fri-4000

sat-2500

i hardly exercised, so i will figure 1800 per day was what i needed. excess calories are: 14,900.  about 4.3 pounds! yes, that's right. so now i can say i weigh around 140. this is with bloating, so subtract a pound or two and thats my weight. HIGHEST weight in my life. i'm not really depressed more than angry at myself for CONSTANTLY going back and binging. it sooooo sooo old.  sorry guys, that i have been complaining soooooo much on here.

well, eating didn't help me do much. sat home all day today which was ok because my parents are out of town and it's nice having the house to myself. i am feeling better actually.

my only FEAR, and i will totally call it that, is the christmas party i MUST attend as its the only right thing to do. it's dec. 11 and i am upset that i have gained and NOT lost weight for it. it will be filled with everyone from the radiology department at the hospital where i go to school. so, lots of doctors and people in fancy dresses. I DIDN'T want to buy a dress. i really, really don't. :(  I am not happy to buy a dress that is such a large size and have to be around all of these fancy, important people. it is stressing me to the core, actually.  it is not mandatory we go but i DON'T want to be seen as an outcast.

i will continue to ask this to everyone on here so i can get some answers. should i definitely go to the party (believe me, i know i'd have a good time but i'm not happy at ALL at how i will look...) i am very serious. i've been looking at pics of myself from 2 years ago and i have gained so much weight since then. in the past year, i have gained 30 lbs. i really don't want to buy the dress....i don't think i'm going to go. i really don't want to. it is major stress to get the dress. sorry it all sounds dumb but it'll all be forgotten soon after, hopefully. i just really don't want to go. it'll be like a weight lifted off my shoulders. if i go, i feel like i will have to diet like crazy, which will not work...etc. i just really don't want to go. but i do know how it is and how to be social i should go. BUT, most people there i do not really associate with and i do have 1.5 years left of this program. is it wrong to just know in my mind i will go next year?

if you guys think that i am out of line and i have to go, just say it.

but just understand that preparing to go will STRESS me to the core. i'd rather just be more relaxed and when we have a party in class enjoy the pizza and not have to worry about this christmas party on 12/11.  then, i can just focus on weight loss generally. i'm telling you, i totally don't want to go. i have always said yes to EVERYTHING. and i don't think its wrong that i'm not going. :( but it's making me sad. and if i'm the only one not going?? then i really have no choice. i guess i will have to see on monday if anyone else is NOT going. if everyone's going, i have to go!!! so angry about this!

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/23/2008:
I do apologize if my comment offended you. My point was that I don't think you should put that pressure on yourself to go the party if your heart isn't in it. I mean, what if you had the flu, right? You probably wouldn't go then, and nobody would think twice. Then again, I am an introvert, and sometimes I need a push out the door too. So I'm not sure what the answer is. I do think you're under enough stress as it is. Please be kind to yourself. (((HUGS)))


loveray on 11/23/2008:
thanks so much ;) hope you had a great remainder of the weekend.


grumpy on 11/23/2008:
hey girl, i think you always have to think of yourself first, i would say deal with it, go and have a good time, but i don't know how much this is a conflict for you, so if it's a better and healthier decision for YOU, maybe pass on it. Not to be an outcast tell them you have something else to attend and wish you could go. On another and more important issue, though, is that when i feel like i am losing control i get the help i need in the way. so maybe it's that point for you? i would say anything from WW, an 'eaters' therapy group, to therapy. whatever you think will help you. i wish you luck and am here for you. xo


skinnyjeans on 11/23/2008:
I think it's fine if you don't go. Plan a night out with your girlfriends that night and tell the people throwing the party that you have a family obligation. :)


thinnside40 on 11/23/2008:
Yes!... We all have to realize that what we do is always a "choice"... We choose everyday in everyway... Whether it is to do or not do something.. bad/good, healthy/unhealthy, positive/negative, helpful/impeeding, llogical/illogical, smart/stupid.... Just to realize that so much we hold in our very own hands, but yet feel helpless is an empty feeling I know..... Your ideas are great ones and I hope that you can get a grip on what it is you TRULY want to succeed at and that is "the best you" that you can be.... But, not with the self-pressure to be perfect in the same token...

"26" is a great age.... Enjoy it!


selina on 11/24/2008:
Hi HoP, I am so sorry you are going through so much... Warm hugs to you.


grumpy on 11/24/2008:
Here's to a new you! I am proud of hearing your attitude in this entry. Go to the party and don't even think about it there. Have a good time and you'll feel much better. xoxo



Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Nov 22, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 133.0

breakfast: mixed cereals/milk: 600, muffin w. tons pb: 500, popcorn 250, drink: 90. TOTAL: 1440.

snack: 180

lunch bag of microwave fries and some dried cranberries: , grapefruit 880

total: 2500...

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

loveray on 11/22/2008:
i hope your day gets better and better! sending my love from down south. xoxo


thinnside40 on 11/22/2008:
I am going for a walk sometime here in a bit.... I am walking with you on my mind and heart, praying for releif from whatever is binding you these days.....

Take Care Horn!



Horn_of_plenty - Friday Nov 21, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 133.0

this week has been one big eating fest for sure!

breakfast: 400

lunch: 400

happy hr: 2 glasses of wine: 300???

snacks galore at home: ugh. 200, 800, 50, 250...pint of ben and jerry's..1200...400 muffin:

calories : 4,000

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

selina on 11/22/2008:
Hi Hop! Sounds like school is really stressing you out, I am afraid. Take care of yourself. Remember that you can still get pleasure from yoga and your walks and they help you offset your food intake. Sometimes it's almost impossible, but try to get moving when you feel like overeating.



Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Nov 20, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 133.0

breakfast 1350.

lunch: 200

snack/dinner binge: 20, 240, 400, 20, 600, 200, 600, 400.

...more snacking...will have to check i didn't leave anything out...4500.

sorry for the lack of commenting recently...

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

skinnyjeans on 11/21/2008:
You will get back on track soon...we're here for support! Hope you're having a great Friday!



Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Nov 19, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 133.0

 

total calories: 3200. on a 1-10 scale, i rate this day a 2 with 1 being worst, 10 best. I must think more positively about everything. there is NO reason that 26 yr old female such as myself should be having such a hard time with everything.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i thought i was going to do better but did give in a bit today. no yoga because i am just plain exhausted. i went to bed really late bc of studying/and binge procrastinating.

today: breakfast: stomach was full but body hungry. 200 cal peanut butter.

snack: part of an apple 40

lunch: dried fruit/nut mix small package 270

snack: protein bar, green drink 310

another snack: 2 red peppers80, tea....sleeve of ritz 600, cereal w. almond milk: 450, choc. raisins: 230.

total: 2180ice cream....2800.

lots of water today. my calves are bloated and hard as rocks with the fluid they are retaining. so bad. because of binging.

 

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

loveray on 11/19/2008:
looks like a better day. i am so sorry that school is stressing you out so much! i wish there was something i could do or say to help. take care of yourself my love


skinnyjeans on 11/20/2008:
I hope you are having a great Thursday, HOP! :)



Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 18, 2008
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 133.0

i did none of which i said i would. binged like CRAZY. multiple foods at multiple fast food places. something in the 7,000 or more cal. today.  you'd be sick reading what i ate, trust me. obviously no yoga. i'm having trouble yet again. i can tell you why. i procrastinated studying for an exam tomorrow. we voted in class yesterday that we should have two tests in a certain class this week instead of one. and i'm having a difficult time memorizing everything in just 1.5 days. it's just about 100 terms for diseases/structures of the cadiovascular system. they all sound the same and are difficult to remember. i obviously voted to have ONE test on FRIDAY! not tomorrow and friday! and, the people that voted for TWO tests are the students that get the LOWER grades in class. eh, i should have not acted like i did today.

i'm having trouble right now. and all the binging i did will surely not help me tomorrow or any other day.

(assortment of foods (several selections from each place!): mcdonalds, pizza hut, taco bell, baskin robbins/dunkin donuts. subway during lunch. and a muffin midmorning. i feel soooooooooooooo sick. and it's my own fault!) :(

i'm a bit sad and sorry that i cannot report better things right now.

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/18/2008:
Donkey still loves you. Look at it this way, if you were sick from the flu and had to take these tests, would you feel any different about the situation? You need to take care of yourself... (((hugs)))


belly on 11/18/2008:
My Lord, I haven't been on this site in ages, and you're still here. Something about familiar folks is reassuring. (I regained 25 lbs this year-so ticked)

As far as your binge, don't worry, it happens to the best of us. And maybe keep your studying in mind to help deter you next time. All that junk surely makes you sluggish and not thinking clearly. I know all about cravings and binges, but try to learn from each one and how you can substitute, or tell yourself, to stop even halfway. Good luck tomorrow. As Chicken Little says, "tomorrow is a new day!" (sorry, my kid watches that movie over and over, so I know the script)


Jen40 on 11/19/2008:
OMGosh I can't imagine the stress! I guess that's why after h.s I wasn't a student? lol College is in my future someday, but I know it will be super stressful and I'm not looking forward to that part. Hang in there!



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