calories before dinner: 1100
calories i'm planning on after having dinner: 1500. good day today. i don't wanna mess it up.
studying after dinner for my last test this week which i will ACE. I have no choice. I will memorize everything really well. I want the highest grade. that's the competitive streak in me which sometimes comes out....
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i am thinking about what i need to change/do to actually lose weight so that i can be happy about this controllable aspect of my life.
i would be nice to look good this summer. relax on the beach a little bit. last summer i ran far away from the beach.
i probably weigh at least 145. not kidding one bit. since the end of last summer, that's 20 or so lbs more.
i've been killing myself these past two years.
this is moreso an entry for myself. to write my thoughts down. to clear my mind.
what can i do that will work? if i didn't have to study tonight i would have went to the gym. instead, i had to stay for an hour and a half extra for a meeting at school and then came home at 6 to eat (binge) and study. and that worked well. if i went to the gym, my studying WOULD have suffered even more and i KNOW that. I know what i can handle when it comes to that. and the gym wasn't feasable. not that i should have binged. (and by binging, i mean that today was at least 3500-4000 cal).
i have that wedding sunday. not thrilled. i will be the largest one there. but i deserve it because i have done it to myself. I'm a rather healthy person who chose to make totally rash choices and decisions. and still does. it's like a brain fog that won't clear.
i am so lost right now. so confused with my life.
doesn't help that i need completely wash out another certificate of deposit at the bank and use it as a saving's account because i have NO MORE savings/checking.
that's what happens, when you don't work and go back to school.
soon enough, i'll be trying to get a job near me (even close than where i go to school) as a nurse's aide. that means i'll be cleaning people's behinds all day. and actually, it requires some training. i need to make money and want to make it while working in the health field. so there.
life is not simple, that is certain. and anyone who thinks it is, I wish i could see it that way. but i'm actually not being negative because if life was simply we'd all be bored. i'm just saying right now life is confusing the shi# out of me!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is ready, we shall never begin.
- Ivan Turgenev, novelist, poet, playwright
edit: i did binge today.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
last week was a blowout.
i realize i'm 26...optimal age to look great.
this weekend wasn't great but wasn't horrible (saturday and sunday). i think friday was really messed up if i remember right.
tonight i had a large slice of this potato based cake with frosting and coconut.
i won't give up, as usual. BUT, i will say that my health should come first and foremost. i will stick to my exercise. and try to not take what i look like for the time being (fat) too seriously.
i am considered overweight for my height.
it's all about moderation. today was pretty moderate, besides the cake at dinner.
tired, allergies....
phone call tonight with this new guy from a dating online site....i'm nervous. i am not a phone type person....(see, loveray!)
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
not really in the mood for a long entry.
binged at breakfast, later had a non-nutritious early lunch....
big dinner: passover seder tonight and tomorrow night.
my size 8 jeans are quite too snug for my liking. was almost about to buy a size 10. nah, i'll just have to work on this diet thing again. but obviously i should enjoy dinner tonight and tomorrow. it's food i don't eat all the time. ha, forget about looking good at this wedding! oh well, it's too late.
i did go to the gym today for an hour on the elliptical. skipped school (reason for my breakfast binge). i'm having company over the next two nights and i needed some time to study and go to the gym, etc. lol, so i eat, naturally.
calories today will be around 3,000-4,000.
tomorrow should be the same, except i have to go to school. i will stop at the park to exercise before coming home tomorrow.
ugh.....not so good. i am trying but not near enough to take the reins and become procative to help myself.
no weightloss goals. but, starting thursday, i'll work on 1500 cal per day w. daily exercise. again.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
You look at food as a reward and an escape. So, if you need food as a reward and as an escape or sense of joy in your life right now..why not make friends with it? And once you see that you DO have control over deciding to eat at least 1500 calories a day, but no more than 4500 or 3500 or whatever it is that week, you will remember what it is like to make better choices like you used to before it all got ahead of you.
You can't go from eating 5000 calories a day and limited exercise to 1500 calories a day and two hours worth of exercise, without your body totally freaking out. You know that because that's what's been happening for a few months now. What would be wrong with starting over by whittling down your current average and getting back to where you were? That way there isn't a severe shock to your already taxed system, and you can stop being afraid of handling a 1500 calorie day.
You are right, if you keep going you will be morbidly obese in no time. And if you think a snug size eight is bad, try a snug size 22. The whole journey of losing weight and creating a manageable lifestyle isn't about doing it right and perfect every single day according to a 'book' or what other people are doing. It is what works for you. And so if you do the step down thing it might take you an extra few weeks to lose weight, but you would be learning how to regain a little more control and taking the pressure off of yourself. Then when your mind clears a little more and your schedule is a little less hectic, you can do more. There is no way I could survive on 'green drinks' and 'seaweed' without going totally crazy and eating 5000 calories worth of fast food in one sitting.
You might have to face that what worked before for you, just isn't working right now. Trust me I KNOW how that feels.
You will find your way again, HOP. But for now, you need to release the pressure.
lots of binging today too.
despite by binging, i did go to the gym for 65 minutes on the elliptical and i did ride my bike for 20 minutes.
calories are by no means good. around 3500-4000 today.
honestly, i'm at a critical point where it's best i start eating right. before i become obese. i work in a health field and i see with my own eyes what happens when people do not care about their health. and i've been acting like an idiot for the past 1.5 years. I need to help myself but i've failed every time. i don't have good insurance to see a psychologist and i personally don't want one. I cannot live like this anymore.
i have NO control when i start to binge. and once i go to one fast food restaurant i
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
YOU HORN!!!!!! YOU CAN do this.......... Believe in you as much as most of us do..... :-)
Have you ever thought of eating differently? I mean, I notice from your menus that you eat a lot of veggies and sea weedish..tofu stuff...ever thought of making up a menu that includes more "real" food? Still eat all the veggies you want..but maybe add more "satisfying" foods also~that stays within a certain caloric range? I couldnt eat what you do and feel satisfied..therefore I would be setting myself up for a binge..Just a thought..
Hugggz~
i was doing so well. happy, going about my business. and then, bam!!! overeating. so, in the past two days, i've had 5000-6000 calories PER DAY.
i'm just not going well. a lot of my teacher friends are on vacation. we haven't had a vacation since December. so, yeah, i'm feeling it.
i'm very swollen and screwed up from binging on fast food all of yesterday, even breakfast.
i just need to get through the day....
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
despite an awesome weekend. i binged. not sure why. but i did. the end. calories i didn't even count after awhile. probably around 5,000 at least. not good.
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goal for today: 1900 cal. the following menu is subject to change...
breakfast: really in the mood for cereal w. milk. and a sweet cereal, that is. will go to the store and look around when i buy the newspapers. i think i will have 2 yogurts w. cereal mixed in....i ended up buying kozy shack ready grains. they came in a pack of 2. so i had both. crazy me. and 2 yogurts. too filling and too much. but too sweet to pass up....total: 540.
snack: fiber one bar 140
snack 2: another healthy bar, no fake stuff 240
total so far: 920...
lunch: edamame, bagel w. egg and bacon. oh yes. 800.
1720...
dinner: i have no idea.
exercise: bike 20 min, park 4.5 miles. fantastic. the weather is just beautiful. right now, even though i'd like to lose weight like the rest of the world, my focus is solely on improving my fitness while not gaining any more weight. it feels so good to be able to accomplish more and more fitness-wise. i'm so glad it's warm enough to enjoy biking. :)
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
breakfast: egg whites, bread: 310
snack: 260 healthy carb/fat/protein bar.
lunch: finally. amy's macaroni and soy cheese w. kelp: 390
total so far: 960...
snack: fiber one bar!!! yes. 140
snack 2: chex mix bar...with fiber! 130 was good.
dinner: microwave meal with kelp. salad. 450...dessert of 2 yogurts mixed. total: 650. good....ehh, some cottage cheese, flavored. 130 that was the only overboard thing i ate, in my opinion. haha. so total: 790
total cal: 2020...approx. good day. that's all.
so far: gym elliptical 40 min. bike 20 min. park 5 miles. whoa. was great!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
tomorrow's plan: 1900 calories....i SHOULD be able to do that!!!!! :l i better! arg.
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final friday edit: 2320. showed some control instead of eating 2500 like i originally was going to stick to after already going to high. 2320 is better. i REALLY am starting to pick up with exercise. i'm feeling the energy of spring! i am still hungry a little bit though.... :( haha....caved. back to 2550. fine! it's what i was going to have anyway.
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breakfast: egg omelette on a roll. 250 i threw some out! i love it when i actually DO listen to my body. not often, it's a rareity....and usually only at breakfast. almost never at dinner...i usually have nowhere to go after and i like the full feeling. yeah, bad habit....
snack: FIBER ONE bar. it's my addiction right now. 150 (i realize i do better with these sugary bars during BUSY mornings, rather than mornings in class with downtime....bc they only satisfy me during busy times not when my mind is bored so i chose another snack an hour later....)
snack 2: soy chips in a HORRIBLE white cheddar flavor. NEVER AGAIN. 150
lunch: subway. not in the mood for green beans. i can tell already. it will be a sandwich and chips. 750 WAS WORTH IT.
snack: bad protein bar, followed by diet drinks galore and a bad for me but good tasting sugar free dink: 200
another snack bc i was not in the mood to go to the gym right away: 3 servings chips, apple: 550. ehh, worth it.
dinner: i think it will be mac and cheese of some sort and some kelp. around 450
total today: will be around 2500. but you know what, i want to keep that total. so i'm not changing my dinner to make this day a low cal day, 2500 it is, the end.
exercise: raining all day. at some point, i'll get myself to the gym.....ehhh, i should have went RIGHT after work and before the chips!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
As for Meg's sickness.... No X-rays, just the Dr. couldn't hear any breathing when listening to the right side, wheras the left she could...Meg was wheezy still too..... 2 Prednisone 20mg the first day, then 1 qd for 4 days will be added if she isn't any better tomorrow evening.... I HATE THOSE PILLS!!!!! Albuterol Q 4 hrs AND the Ceftin 250mg bid is the first protocol.....
Have a great weekend!
fancy breakfast: lite roll 100, avocado slice 80, 1 egg 80, egg whites 60, spray 30?: total: 360 nice.
snack: will be a fiber one bar. 150 or so.
lunch: beans,oil, almonds, another fiber roll 360.
snack: fiber one bar, powerade: 170
snack 2: apple 100
dinner: microwavable meal w. kelp 370, salad w. dressing 30 and a pepper 50. total: 450
total calories: 1590 plus a snack so 1900. still very happy. (by the way, i don't count all the sugarfree gum i chew. nobody's perfect!)
exercise: probably the park if nice out....otherwise the gym. :) did good this week with fitness. :) happy!
i wish you all the best and promise to comment soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
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you are right, life and living is not simple, but it is such a gift! we are so blessed this moment with fine body, fine spirit and fine intellectualism. a challenge: write 10 things you are grateful for on your next entry...i will do it too! xoox
nimony on 04/15/2009:
Life is certainly not simple. I am going through a lot of what you are...was out of work...now have a temp job, went back to school, out of money, raising two kids, etc. It's hard to fit it all in. Identify your priorties as they are right now...loveray's gratitude list is a good way to start. Decide what you need to do and can do now to achieve your priorities. Present moment thinking will help you stay on track. No, it's not easy, but it's worthwhile when you experience that awesome feeling of accomplishment. As an example, exercise is high on my priority list, but the demands of school don't leave as much time for exercise. Like you, I compete with myself for good grades. My weight loss goal is a lifestyle change, long-term goal, so I know I'll be successful, it will just take me longer. Hope some of this helps! Best of luck to you!