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Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Mar 21, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

i'll be kind to myself and guestimate that my calories are 2200. if they are over, it was ALL healthy stuff at dinner. even though it was a lot of food (buffet, tons of seaweed salads and other awesome japanese foods). had a good time with friends.

breakfast : 450 (tofu, beans, almonds, olive oil) too big a portion...could have had half.

snack: 50  drink supplement stuff

late morning snack: 320 (more beans, almonds, oil) again, too many portions....and i had some extra almonds 160.

granola bars: 180 during my 6 MILE WALK! first time this spring! :) It was soooo wonderful. along the water.

protein bar: 230

total so far: 1390.

dinner: out for dinner but I should be able to control calories to 2200 without a problem...i will choose healthy items at a sushi buffet place. lots of fish and veggie salads, etc! :) should be fun. NO DESSERT except coffee.


Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/21/2009:
OK, I'm just throwing this out there, but I would think that working 2 days a week for school would actually be helpful because it would add some structure and organization to your summer weeks. Yes? No? I'm just saying, because I always do better when I have at least a little structure to my time. It's when I'm open and empty and bored or restless that I start having problems.

Plus I'm confused. You say you'd be working clinicals but you would have class and tests. Yet later on you say that you're going to be worrying about having tests. So??? Which one is it?

I notice that whenever you have some conflict, whether you allow yourself a day off to study or they change the schedule on you or what, that seems to lead to a huge binge. Do you notice this too?

I see 2 ways to handle this: Accept it for now, as a way to cope with stress, knowing that things will be different once school is over. OR decide to deal with it now and get some help, because the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to tackle later on. Especially if you keep using food as a way to cope with conflict, anger, and other unpleasant emotions.

Maria7 on 03/21/2009:
Is there a dietician at your school that you could seek counsel with about the binges? Just a suggestion cause one time a dietician was helpful in counseling me.

Maria7 on 03/21/2009:
ps...6 mile walk...WOW!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Mar 20, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

today was full of temptations. then, after school, i had a TON of fast food. like, 3 different items at each of these places: burger king, dunkin donuts, and mcdonalds. i had multiple items from each place.  i am no longer being strict obviously with low carb. 

yeah, i have an emotional eating habit that i'm having huge difficult defeating.

my teachers want to have only 1 month in the summer without classes (meaning, only clinical) instead of both july and august. that's not cool with me. i NEED those two months. they will help  me get fully back on track (or at least i think one month would be better than two). although we wouldn't have class and tests, we'd be responsible to show up each day and "work" in the hospital like we do now on tuesdays and thursdays. i was kinda looking foward to the two  months because a lot of my friends are teachers and i wouldn't have to worry about when i was going out or having tests. i was looking foward to having a good summer! since my class is the last class before the school closes, the teachers are thinking of teaching things around.

5,000 cal today?

3.5 miles walking, after my binging, at the park. i look pretty gross right now. at least 140 if not more.

Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/20/2009:
Sounds like you're under a lot of stress. Hope you get to feeling better.

loveray on 03/21/2009:
i love you- remember how amazing you are- your spirit soars. happy weekend!

nimony on 03/21/2009:
One step at a time. Take one small area you want to work on, and start working on it. Seems like walking 3/3.5 miles is working for you. Maybe a goal can be to walk 1 more day a week, hence making exercise a new, lifelong habit. Someone suggested meditation. That's a very good idea. Helps keep us calm. I am in a similar situation as you, so I understand what you're going through. Be patient with yourself. Try to give yourself some down time each day, even if it's only a couple of minutes, time to think, reflect, and relax.

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 19, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

350 breakfast (green beans, oil, almonds, tofu)

320 nuts snacks

310 lunch (beans, almonds, tofu, diet sprite) maybe i'm getting sick of beans and that's why i'm binging...nah, i think it's because i'm nearing that time of the month...and i've been frustrated more than usual with school lately.

snacking/overeating: apple chips 80, soy chips 200, cabbage slaw stuff w. seasoning/dressing 200??, broccoli rob with some nuts/cranberries olive oil 250?, sauteed veggies 250?, tofu 200, cream cheese ew 80, american cheese sandwich 570 or so, cookies 450...chips 280..yogurt w. extra jelly 260, oatmeal 150...bread w. butter and jelly 500, grapes 100, choc. covered raisins 450. done.  shoot 4100 or so.

total: 5100 or so. ewwww....followed by: 

taco bell supreme nachos...oatmeal cookie from dunkin donuts...and a baskin robbins huge shake w. whipped cream. i'm stuffed.

calories: around 6500. whatever.

i am doing ok despite all the food i ate.

i'm going to get through it all.


Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

legcramps on 03/19/2009:
Does the organization where you take yoga also have meditation classes, or are you doing this already? I just wondered because it sounds like you're going through a lot right now and I really believe meditation helps to relax our minds! Good luck to you - hope things are getting better.

poker_paid on 03/19/2009:
Dunkin Donuts is delicious but I can't find their nurition info - the best I got was this "If you have any immediate Nutrition questions, please contact us at 800-859-5339"

We have the same taste in food - supreme nachos are so tasty! You WILL definitely get through it all.

selina on 03/20/2009:
Stay well, Hop! Hugs to you!

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Mar 18, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

930 cal up to 4pm...

snack 190 bar

large dinner: sauteed mushrooms 80?, broccoli cauteed with red pepper/garlic 150?, sauteed greens uh 300?? tofu 200.

3 mi walk.  felt better today after taking yesterday off!

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/18/2009:
I kind of thought you might binge yesterday when you were talking about how guilty you felt for taking a day off. I figured you would "punish" yourself.

Maria7 on 03/18/2009:
Glad you were able to get some rest. Cals look FANTASTIC today!!! smile!

loveray on 03/18/2009:
looks awesome- glad you had a lot of veggies! xoxo

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Mar 17, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

calories for today are, grand total: 7,000.  any progress i made in the last 2-3 weeks has been destroyed. back to square one. this is what i do...being a student has seriously destroyed me. the whole study thing really gets to me. yeah, that's an excuse which is a horrible one at that. look at all those med students, they study and do well and look great. yeah, gotta get my act together sooner rather than later. wait, it already is late!!! eh.  i guess i won't look how i wanted to for this wedding. oh well. it's a month away now.  i will keep exercising and everything of course.


went out for coffee with friends around 7pm last night and got back around 10pm. was exhausted and fell asleep trying to study.  woke up around 4am bc my mind knew i should study lol and started, got hungry....had some food. fell back asleep. not going in today. taking a sick day to study. again. this will be my 3rd day off since September. But, i've already made one up by coming in during a vacation. I still feel guilty...and we should, for skipping out of school or work. but now i can study and get sleep. haha.

but i am happy i went out and had a good time rather than study. life is too short for me to always be so serious. i've already taken that approach in life. so now i have fun sometimes even when it's not the best choice. we have a test today, but i'll take it tomorrow. we have tests everyday except thursday this week, which is pretty normal in my program. so nobody could say "oh, you took off bc you didn't want to take the test" lol. bc we ALWAYS have tests.

4am breakfast: cream cheese and rye bread sandwich: 320, oatmeal w. apple butter and banana and milk: 350.  yea, not low carb stuff. total: 670.

having some difficulty getting totally back to low carb...7am breakfast: tofu and green beans/almonds/oil: 480....crap: whole package milanos chocolate/raspberry: 975  , 20 sunkist jell candies 650, cookies 450, pizza 350, more sunkist 110. believe me, i'm not done.  3020 or soover here.

...cheese and cream cheese sandwich toasted and melted: 550, finished off the sunkist gems 500  total here: 1050...half a frozen and actually gross pound cake 450 or so. so, 1500 now.

total so far today: 5190. 

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

k_luh on 03/17/2009:
haha... you are so honest. "believe me, i'm not done" As for the feeling guilty thing... DON'T DO IT! I have spent my whole life being the perfectionist. Perfect grades, best at this, best at that, never missed work, never made a mistake.. it took me a long time to understand that I don't have to feel guilty about missing work. I don't have to feel guilty for not being perfect. You DO deserve it.. if you need "me time" or study time.. you deserve it. This is your life, and its the only one you have, you shouldn't have to spend the whole thing working and no fun... it should be fun with a little work. :).. lol. Thats my plan at least. jk... anyway, thanks for being so uplifting on my page, I appreciate it. This past weekend is the worst Ive had in a long time, and needed that positive energy from someone :).

grumpy on 03/17/2009:
You are very very brave and honest. I would have a hard time doing a count like that for myself and for others. And I can assure you pretty much everyone in this website had/has days like yours at times.

I am glad you went out and had fun too. As for the days off, arent you allowed your vacations days? And 3 times in 6 months is not bad at all, you should take more time off, even.

I am doing this cleanse. Ever tried one? I think it could work as a "shock treatment" to stop from bad habits and start off new and it did help me with cravings before. Just an idea. I know it's not for everyone. But you're young and healthy and maybe something like that could help you break the cycle.


CritterMom on 03/17/2009:
Try my diet (posted in my diary). It's low-glycemic, doctor-supervised...and it's working! No "cleansing" or shock treatment (other than giving up unhealthy foods).

Maria7 on 03/17/2009:
I'm so sorry you are going through this...but happy for you that you are persevering in your chosen profession by getting the schooling. Only thing I can think of is either tell yourself when you have these binges (like I know what to say about a food binge) that you can have them but the foods must be low-cal foods only...I know...doesn't usually work... or either, keep having the binges and putting on the weight while you are in school and then resolve that once you finish school, then you'll work on getting back to your goalweight??? It isn't easy to stay on track when you are under a lot of stress...BUT IT CAN BE DONE.

hollybelle on 03/18/2009:
Something you said above rang a bell with me- the wedding! I have had a special event that I wanted to look good for (i.e. lose some weight) and set that as a goal. Only to discover (after this happening about 100 times) that this is a TRIGGER for me. I need to eat as I usually do and just go and be myself. If I try to set a goal of losing weight for a special event - for some reason I sabatage myself EVERY time. Don't know if that rings any bells with you but thought I'd mention it. :o)

starfish on 03/18/2009:

loveray on 03/18/2009:
i hope that things are going better today and that you got some much needed rest. take care, relax and love your beautiful soul! xoxo

grumpy on 03/18/2009:
keep going on girl. you had plenty of great phases, so just go about it one day at a time. xoxo

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Mar 16, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

2060 cal before coffee w. a couple girls. 1.5 mile walk in my scrubs before coming straight home which was a VERY SMART idea. it relaxed me a bit.


class was DREADFUL today! boring.  it was just very repetitive and i think EVERY student, all 9 of us, would agree.  glad that's done.

i did NOT have breakfast, which totally set me up to fail...but i didn't totally fail.

snack: nuts...3 cups tea, diet sprite, water....

lunch: green beans/almonds,  soy chips, yogurt, irish soda bread (cake!)

total here 1150...

snack: snicker's protein bar 210

veggies/dressing: 100

dinner: tofu, greens, olive oil (many, many servings) 600 at least. i am in a pretty bad mood after today.

going to meet people for coffee. i won't give in to treats. gotta stay on track.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/16/2009:
It is harder to resist overeating when I am with a group of people...somehow, I just seem to think everything is calorie-free, according to how I do. We are having a ladies' supper at our church soon and today, even though it is NOT on the agenda, I spent money buying foods to make a very large tray of fresh raw veggies...cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, celery, cucumber... then when I shared this information with a friend, who also plans to go, I was told that I should include a DIP, like salad dressing or something to dip the veggies in to eat them!!! What's the use of that??? We usually have (but not always) VERY HIGH-FAT FOODS that we ladies are SOOO GOOD at making at the monthly supper. AND I USUALLY BINGE OFF THEM, THEY ARE SOOOO GOOD!!! We all have a WONDERFUL time at the supper but how is it going to help if I bring a large tray of raw veggies and add the temptation (to myself) to add LOTS of extra cals with dip or dressing??? I wasn't asked to bring this...it was my idea so I and others who are watching calories can have a low-cal nice choice of food at the supper.

loveray on 03/16/2009:
usually i steam or broil them! i love them. i changed my dinner because i am in a carby mood. i need to really start watching myself...argh! xoxo

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Mar 15, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

i binged. grandma's cookies ... all of those packaged crappy cookies...were irresistable. even though they aren't even good. so i at all of them.

calories are at least 3200...came home and decided to have the green drink i got earlier this week but still didn't drink (because i really don't like to drink calories except for protein shakes and forgot how much i'd rather NOT have a green drink lol)

so, calories for today are around the 3500 mark. eh. 1st day i have grains in a long time (probably something more like 2-3 weeks). i'll be back on schedule starting tomorrow though. it may be tough, but i'm ready. ugh.




tasty breakfast splurge: egg white omelette w. scallion: 180 or so, 2 pkgs green beans/almond 320, olive oil 100 approx: total: 600 fine.

early lunch: shake 350 or so...and salted cashews 350...andcauteed veggies 200 or so...gave into temptation! total here: 900!

snack: another shake??340 or so

total so far: 1840 if i have that other shake...don't think i want it.... :(  too much eating today...

dinner: i plan on baking tofu and veggies, i think...

ok, i'm totally changing what i originally wrote here before...2200 is my limit today!

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 03/15/2009:
Have a wonderful day!

loveray on 03/15/2009:
hi love. i hope you are having a restful night...i am having a lot of anxiety right now myself- and am hoping my breathing techniques will calm me a bit so i dont binge on anything tonight. i miss you. xoxo

Beth201P on 03/15/2009:
Hey...been there and done that myself many times. Just hang in there and start again tomorrow. ((Hugs)) Keep your chin up and take one day at a time.

starfish on 03/16/2009:
Have a great week sweetie :-)

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Mar 14, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

breakfast: multiple servings of beans and almonds 380, some peanut oil 120, and a little tofu. 90 total: 590-600.

lunch: protein shake  340

snack: tofu/jello 250...followed by more string beans and nuts lol 240 total around 500

total so far: 1440....1480 had some seaweed sheets

dinner: egg omelette w. spinach 260 and then some chicken/veggies 180 total: 440

total: 1920. done for the night. :) generally content.

4.5 miles at the park. :)

no changes in weight thus far. eating under 2,000 today.  and i will try for 1500 tomorrow.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

omahagrl on 03/14/2009:
Just stopping by and saying hi!

loveray on 03/14/2009:
i hope you have an awesome weekend- what are the "beans" that you eat with the almonds? green beans? enjoy the sunshine if there is any...down south it is rather gloomy!! xoxo

Donkey on 03/14/2009:
So is the 135.0 the correct weight?

starfish on 03/14/2009:
waving hello. Have a great day!

Maria7 on 03/14/2009:
Wow you did real well!!! Cals and exercise!!! Big smile to you!

thinnside40 on 03/14/2009:
I had black beans for breakfast!!!!! I never had eaten them until just this last 6 months.... Never appealed to me, but I sure do like them now I've tried them.....

Here's to a good Sunday!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Mar 13, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

770 calories...till 4pm...

snack: natural protein bar, sugar free energy drink: around 300.

followed by a nice 3 mile walk. it was definitely chilly and brisk but i had my winter jacket. haha, i didnt' even go home to change so i was walking in my white scrub pants. was great. glad i didn't stop home and start binging or something like that.

dinner: humongous. and great. don't regret it a bit.:

lots of egg whites (2 cups worth) 250, made into omelettes with a bazillion veggies 200, spray oil 250??, dessert is tofu w. some light fruit flavoring i put on it 200.  Total for dinner: 900. this is actually fine.

total cal today: 1970. alright. better than a binge. i cannot binge this week/weekend.

5 weeks now till the wedding. i think i may still have lost a few pounds although some might be water weight. no weighing in. i'll continue this eating plan. i am allowing myself protein shakes. all is good.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Mar 12, 2009
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 135.0

i really am upset. i'm tired. i'm down. i am out of my skin tonight. :(

i feel lost. i don't even have my own mother to talk to. i tried telling her about my day and she wasn't evening listening. so i stopped. and i yelled at her for not listening to me and just saying rude things as soon as she got home from work.

i'm so upset.


today sucked royally because i had to work alondside two of the biggest ****s i've yet to meet in life. they have no care or compassion to help me as a student and would rather rip me a new one with every chance they can get. it was really hard driving home even...thinking about how hard i try but how little they really care or want to work with me. these two peope, in the emergency room, make me very self conscious when i ask them questions because sometimes they will just stare me down as i ask them or they make me feel seriously stupid.  if i had to count, there are only about 4?? people like this out of the whole xray department of many more people...  but now i'm in a horrible mood...and when my teachers have to read how i did these past two weeks in the ER, my review does not reflect my time there the way it should have.

breakfast: beans/almonds/oil: 260

snack: almonds 210

lunch: beans/almonds/oil: 260 , diet sprite

snacks/dinner combined: 6 sf jello 60, stir fried mushrooms 150?, baked eggplant w. olive oil: 200??, some spinach 20, huge egg omelette w. tons of stir fry veggies inside 350, tofu and veggies 300? , stevia chocolate sweetened tofu i made 200 TOTAL;

2010....maybe a snack. long, annoying day.

Progress as of today: -10 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Donkey on 03/12/2009:
OK, I know you are angry, so read this when you are not, but BEFORE you binge.

These PITAs that you had to work with -- they are cutting your teeth. Perhaps they had to endure similar attitudes during their training/education. Or perhaps they are testing you to see if you have what it takes.

Do not take this personally. Please consider: They would have treated ANYONE like that. Also, please consider: This has more to do with THEM than it does with YOU. All you can do is your best, which I am sure you did.

I give you kudos for not giving up and continuing to ask questions, even with responses as you described. DO NOT GIVE UP. DO NOT GIVE IN. DO NOT LET THEM HAVE THE POWER OVER YOU TO DRIVE YOU TO BINGE.

(not yelling; I just want to be perfectly clear.)

HUGS! :-)

Maria7 on 03/12/2009:
Hugs to you. Don't be discouraged. You've worked too hard. People are people. It shows you are real smart to ask questions. And that you CARE.

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