- Saturday Jan 19, 2008
Sunday AM edit:
Today is starting out as a very good day. While picking up the newspaper, I bought my dad his favorite cookies (a cookie coated with chocolate on the outside, jell in the inside as he has no weight problems and always enjoys a good cookie) at the store to kinda make up for some of the hostility that went on last night.
I didn't even eat before going to the store bc i didn't have much of an appetite! Then, I had some almonds, two small microwaved apples with pumpkin pie spice on them and about a 1/4 cup cottage cheese. i also had a large tea. calories so far: 365. Lunch will be after yoga - I know I need to replenish with carbs!! Maybe another apple will be included in that.
Have a good day everyone.
Saturday late edit: so i'm brushing my teeth in the bathroom in my underwear and the door is only an inch open. My sister tries to come in and i slam the door. I didn't hurt her, although it could have happened. I like my privacy, even when not totally naked in the bathroom.
She gets all angry bc i slammed the door in her face...but instead of letting me finish in the bathroom, she goes downstairs and tells my parents. My dad gets majorly angry with me so while i'm in the shower he starts to yell from outside the bathroom to me that I should let my sister in if I'm not totally naked! It becomes a yelling match basically between me and my dad while i'm in the shower.
I'm just angry bc my sister didn't come to me but rather took her 22yr old self down to my parents to rattle on me. Yes, i may have acted immaturely by slamming the door on her, but i always want my privacy and i believe she should know this from past experience. Why couldn't she ask if she could even come in. If you ask me, it was a misunderstanding between both my sister and myself. I do NOT see why parents were involved....and the conflict got bad. The only one that got "in trouble" by my parents was me. My dad said he'd put a lock on the treadmill and I cannot use it anymore. The end. I know I have complained about similiar issues with my sister here before. It seems she always goes to them when she has a problem with me. I always tell her that that is unaccptable. She continues. Is this because I am missing something important?
If anyone understands this situation or can put in into perspective for me, I'd love to gain some feedback even if you tell me what I did was wrong.
today could have been a complete disaster after getting home from visiting my grandmother but it turned out it wasn't.
i almost ate out of the 1500s lol.
Total cal: 1595. lol. I am proud for making the choice NOT to indulge.
total exercise: 25hrs, 15min. pretty good.
monday: yoga, oil change, dinner date with someone new (but any initial attraction is not there...just going out for the fun/experience of it). I don't date a lot, so i view it as being IMPORTANT to just go on more dates rather than settle for a certain person right now.
There's someone that i don't have any dates with that i'm really interested in. he lives in my town...no, never met him since i didn't grow up here. talked to him a lot online...we'll see.
I decided to stop dating the guy i went on my 4th date with this past fri night. I didn't feel physically attracted to him enough to continue. he was kinda shocked i think...i think he was more attracted to me. but, i just couldn't go on without the attraction. i know its whats on the inside that counts...but isn't it the outside, too? that's my opinion.
- Friday Jan 18, 2008
Great eating day. Ok exercise day! :)
calories before dinner equalled 700. At dinner, I had exactly what i wanted - a roast beef wrap. very tasty and a little broccoli on the side, too! :) The wrap was large, but healthy. I need to guess the calories!
Total calories: 1400..can't possibly be more! great day!!!! :)
exercise: 1hr, 45min (yoga and 15 min walk).
total ex: 23hrs, 15min
Plans for tomorrow: yoga in AM, visit grandma, gym?
- Thursday Jan 17, 2008
Friday afternoon entry:
Today has gone pretty well. I have this huge pimple on my chin area though...and i can't even cover it up well...but i'm going out on this date anyways...
exercise so far: 15 min . haha. plus yoga = 1hr, 45min :) ok.
total exercise: 23hrs, 50 min :)
calories so far: 600. yeah, a really good food day! :) Going out to dinner...I want to keep it light, this day can be GREAT calorie-wise. I just want a salad.
lately, munching on almonds throughout the morning really, really helps. It must be at least two servings. my cravings at lunch have become much more minimal! :)
yesterday i binged and had around 4300 cal.
today started out bad and got better. i have 1340 cal now, before yoga. I plan on going up to 1540 today.
calories: 1400. I'm tired and i'm going to bed. NO MORE EATING for tonight! tomorrow is going to be a challenging day bc the kids I usually teach have like an all day party in their classes...leading to a lot of free time for myself where i can go and get a snack. I'll try to plan healthfully!
total ex: 22hr, 5 min
When i binge, I get very negative with myself. I pretty much want to isolate myself from all social situations because i hate how i look...especially my clothes. anyways, i was going to cancel the date tomorrow night because i'm feeling so crappy, but i'll stick with it and see if it goes well. That will help me decide if I want to go out with him anymore.
- Wednesday Jan 16, 2008
15 slow, lousy minutes on treadmill. slow means mostly below 3.0 not kidding!
total exercise: 20hrs, 35min.
I can be a broken record sometimes, but it happened again...
Binge today. just not a good day. should have went to yoga! Lately, I've been tired and that's why i think i binged.
before the binge: 1190 cal.
my binge: it started out inocentally with a bottle of kombucha. 60 cal., english muffin with zero calorie spread (120), two light hot dogs (140)and 3 plum tomotoes (60), potato chips (150), vegetable chips 4 servings (600), 2 pieces pound cake (420), one yogurt (140), 6 tablespoons peanut butter (600), ice cream (120), 3 chocolate covered cherries (170) ....trying to remember if i forgot anything...it was all VERY tasty.
after binge: 3770....plus another 600 = 4270 total.
I did this last week and that's why I didn't loose any weight this week. I guess next week is the same thing. I'm caught in a little bit of a struggle arg! i can get out!
- Tuesday Jan 15, 2008
yesterday was a big breakfast and today was a big lunch. I know that if I don't watch myself, i could end up binging soon! I need to remember that my body DOES need carbs and that veggies really don't make up for them - and that good grains/breads are good for me...and to eat them so i don't binge on the bad stuff! ok, 'nuff said about that!
exercise so far: 15 min. I need to volunteer for two hours this evening. I don't want to rush to get ready for yoga, either. I was tired today bc i didn't get enough sleep. I was on the phone with the guy and I also woke up in the middle of the night.
exercise: only 15 min this morning but its ok bc i was on my feet volunteering tonight.
total exercise: 20 hrs, 20min.
calories are 1580. I'm totally fine with this amount! I got some tasty foods in and a good amount of breads/starches. I want to work on this area, making sure I do eat breads - and usually the whole grain type! Sometimes, I refrain from most grains and that leads to carb binging later.
What do I want for dinner?? I plan to have not too many veggies bc I had them at lunch and I'm craving OTHER carbs at the moment, although I did have two servings of chips at lunch as well! What should I have!? for some reason, I can't seem to make up my mind. I think its because I'm full at this very moment.
I'm still having nuts everyday and I also ordered a new face wash online because I tried someone else's and it was so gentle on my face! I'll do anything to have clear skin again! My skin isn't terrible but I cannot go a week without a breakout!
- Monday Jan 14, 2008
good day today!
exercise: 1hr, 45 min. mostly yoga and a 15 min walk. haha.
total exercise: 20 hrs, 20 min!!! :)
calories: 1260 you bet i'm happy. big breakfast and i still watched throughout the day and this worked out wonderfully! :)
My dad said that if i do a couple errands every saturday he'd pay me $48 dollars a week...about 200 a month. Of course I said yes and now I'll make a good amount of extra money each month! yay for that! :)
Is it wrong to just go with the flow in a relationship because I haven't had one in awhile...even though I'm not sure if I'm as attracted to him as I should be??? arg. I always give myself a really hard time with this.
I'm looking foward to a wonderful day tomorrow. I will definitely have to volunteer. I'll only do it for ONE hour though! I want to fit in yoga as well.
I also help out in an afterschool program 2 days a week that I get paid an hour each day for. I am thankful for the couple of extra opportunities that I am fortunate to have right now because they provide me with some extra spending money! yay for that!
goodnight all! :)
- Sunday Jan 13, 2008
Sunday evening edit:
My date was good, long kiss before train ride home...i will say more tomorrow. I'm still thinking about it and trying to decide if we have enough in common and could possibly be something together.
1790 calories...210 of them being this awesome sour cream pound cake. sounds bad, tastes good! entenman's brand.
exercise: 2.5 hours :) walking/yoga.
total exercise: 18hrs, 35 min!!!! yeah!
11am edit: calories already 1020 and i'm still going to try to have success with eating lower than 1600 today. If all fails, I will still eat healthy - I promise myself this! :)
I had a really big breakfast this morning, 730 calories. But now I am done and I feel good and ready to begin a successful day.
Sunday 8:10 AM entry: off to a good start. I went to bed at 3:30am, but I am wide awake today at 8am! Gosh, that's not much sleep! But, at least I'll fall asleep early tonight! I will definitely go to yoga today and walk outside if it turns out to be around 50 degrees.
I will also start my new book by the same author as the last book i was reading. It's called Reality Queen. haha, these books are just for the fun of it, not educational in the least! You do learn a few lessons. I love the author, Debbie DiGiovanni who also wrote Jamaican' Me Crazy. It's an entertaining book about some married ladies on their Christmas Vacation who end up being allowed to take a vacation away from their families during Christmas! Its a weird topic but it ends up teaching quite a few lessons about love and family...and I read it during the winter/Christmas school break. It was written really really recently and some of the things she talks about still linger in the current news. I enjoyed reading it so much that when i went to my public library, I asked for another book by her and they were able to borrow Reality Queen from a nearby library! I'm glad I've begun to read again. I was not a big reader in high school and I feel its important to read, whatever it is you like, because it's good to do more than watch tv.
I have some laundry to catch up on, not much since i've been doing it as soon as it fills up my bin lately so that I don't have more than one load to do at a time. Works out well I tell you! I will also stop by the supermarket to pick up a few things, mainly veggies for the week. Most other things I already have. Kinda like BTC, I'm trying to use up all my "reserves" before going food shopping for all new things. I don't have a lot of money to spare this year so I like to know that I am actually finishing what I bought before i buy too much more!
My dentist appt was a success yesterday, no cavities! yay!
I hope everyone enjoys their day! :)
- Sunday Jan 13, 2008
Saturday evening, actually Sunday 3am entry:
16hrs, 5min :) and walking in the city, which i did not record. I think its only fair for me to record planned exercise! LOL
i went to a restaurant in NYC for dinner, so I have to estimate calories. I ate my entire dinner, so calories are higher.
I'm estimating Saturday's calories as 2,000. I think this is a good estimate and I know that I have balanced out the calories today with exercise. I plan for tomorrow to be a good eating day. I'd like to have 1550 tomorrow or something to that degree.
- Friday Jan 11, 2008
SATURDAY AM edit: feeling slightly bingy but working through it this morning. I will not snack again until I eat after yoga. There's no need since my breakfast was balanced. 310 cal so far.
I am aiming to eat will since i am going out tonight with my date. i might suggest we go to an organic food place in the city, New York City, that is. He's into healthy foods...and all of you know i am...so we shall see! He doesn't drink much, and neither do i, so this would be fun for us both!
i also have a dentist appt at 5pm. Then i'll come home to quickly put on some makeup/fix makeup because you know how it is as the dentist with all the spraying and stuff they do around your mouth you never look good after.
hmmmm, the day is ok so far... :)
I will record 2hours as my saturday exercise! yay. 16 hrs, 5min total.
there is one person on here that I leave comments for and she never leaves them for me! why!?
good day. 2 hrs exercise!
TOTAL JAN EXERCISE: 14 HRS, 5 MIN. GETTING BETTER.
1400. this is much, much better than yesterday and a good amount for me.
if i can weigh 105...or inbetween 105-110 for the rest of my life...i would be VERY happy with that weight. I soooo would like to be this weight by the end of the school year. I probably weigh around 125 right now. I need to get a move-on. I could lose 3 lbs a month, then by the end of June I'd weigh 110! That would be just so awesome. But, this is kind of a lofty goal. Not much wiggle room, but less than a lb a week for weight loss. It's doable. The last time I weighed 110, actually around 107, was last December '06. I'd like to maintain my weight better than i did last year bc i dropped fast but then didn't keep it as low as I would have liked. blah blah. enough rambling!
anyways, i went to costco with my parents. I wanted to buy a big thing of almonds but somehow we didn't leave the store with them! they got placed back on the shelf...ooops. It was good to just walk around and not sit on my ass all night! :)
- Thursday Jan 10, 2008
Friday afternoon edit before yoga: I am doing better today. This morning was bingy but I made sure to watch myself as the afternoon went by. I am happy that my binge from yesterday is in the past and that today is a new day. I still have a goal of weightloss throughout January till June. I want to be successful, mainly because I believe that what is on the inside is not comparable to how I feel about myself on the outside.
Exercise will be at least two hours. (1/2 hour on treadmill and 1.5 hours yoga.) ...now i'm off to make a few journal comments and then catch up later with the rest of the journals! I'm excited about that! :)
1/2 hour exercise.
total 12 hrs, 5 min.
I don't think i can comment on journals right now, i'm too spacey from this binge.
oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. sorry for the language, but i made a horribble choice after school today. This whole day i was hungry, moreso than usual. I didn't have cake at lunch bc it was someone's bday, but i DID come home and eat tablespoons and tablespoons of peanut butter, chips, bread, frankfurters and everything else like sweet yogurts and dried fruit that destroys a diet.
is my diet totally destroyed? of course not....
my face was improving bc i've been eating better, but today's binge surely will most definitely have an effect on the clarity of my skin...breakouts and all... i'm praying that it doesn't get worse though.
i walked 20 min in the AM. First, my plan was to do both volunteering and yoga after school. but, i was too exhausted. I am home and decided only to do yoga but then i found myself totally wrapped up in a large binge so no yoga today.
total calories are 3450. (the binge was a full 2600 cal.)
not a good day but any means. I am not proud because now i have definitely had a backslide in weightloss. what's the point of knowing what i do about health and nutrition if i can't actually use the knowledge i have. binging makes me NOT want to go out because i feel bad about myself and how i look.
i have a date Saturday evening and now I don't want to go. I spent the whole week trying to keep calories low because of my binge saturday. now, I have binged twice, Saturday and today, Thursday. arg!!! not good!!!
basically, i realize that whenever i decide to cancel my plans, it always results in a binge. so i guess being lazy is not the way to go. or, i should have just taken a nap and went to volunteer. I have to REMEMBER that TIRED doesn't mean EAT.
i'm frustrated because i know i can be something so much better than i am. on the outside is not what i know from the inside. this is hard and it shouldn't be.
I think i'm ready to stop eating when full. I think, but i'm not sure, that I am ready to be an intuitive eater again. I will count calories, but i will try to stop when full. Maybe i'll be much more successful this way. We'll see. I'm not happy how things are going.
I promise myself to be smarter about this. Much smarter. :(