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Horn_of_plenty - Friday Aug 20, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

(3 day calorie average for these past 3 days: 2260...much better than the original 3600 or whatever it was 2 days ago!)

breakfast peach 80, yogurt 130, oats 40 - 250

snacks: fruit: 130, yogurt 100, peanut butter 150, bran 50: 430

tsf: 680, good...jolly rancher 20

lunch: biscuit or croissant w/ egg white and bran. egg sandwich 300

early dinner: fruit and juice 110, tofu and salad 220

snack before and during gym for two hours of weights and a little bike: sugar free monster drink, worked PERFECTLY. 20 cal.

late snack: little ice cream bar 130, plain greek yogurt 100, plum 40: 270 ok!

total today: around 1620! wahoo. GREAT GREAT GREAT day. I hope to have many days like this.

my friend kept me busy, we went to the beach :-)



Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

V on 08/20/2010:
I am liking this new attitude my friend! Well done

legcramps on 08/20/2010:
Looks very good! Have a great day :-)

Umpqua on 08/20/2010:
Your foods look great!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Aug 19, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

Oh my! Somehow I slept like 10 hours, at least. Slept without interuption till 10am.

breakfast: sugar free kondike 170, plum 60: 230

snacks while at gym/late breakfast eaten over a period of time: egg on biscuit w/ bran 3 slices: 350, coffee 50, coconut water 80: 480

late lunch, 2:30pm: microwave meal 300, tofu 100, red pepper 50, plum 50: 500

dinner: sandwich from starbucks, probably. 300

snack if needed: protein bar. 130

2 day combined average of yesterday and today is 2580 or so, that's OK

snacks: coffee 60, plum 50, yogurt 130, cereal 110: 350 total, good.

total: 1560 = AWESOME.


Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 08/19/2010:
your plan looks good! Awesome job with the 1.5 hours on teh eliptical!!!

loveray on 08/19/2010:
i wish i slept 10 hours!! so jealous. love to you!

cleaneating on 08/19/2010:
Great workout!

moogy on 08/19/2010:
Hi there HOP, you obviously needed the sleep. I hope you are doing as well inside your head as you are on your food and exercise. I am sending hope and love to you.

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Aug 18, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 137.0

(but yes, i did binge today.)

12 more pounds until 125 :-)  I weigh first thing in the morning. 12 more pounds doesn't even sound like much :-)  yes, i CAN do this...I CAN do this again!!! I know I can if I believe in myself.  I know that weightloss is very possible for me since I do have the knowledge of dieting, food, healthy eating, calories, exercise. I feel good about this....just 12 pounds...that's soooo doable!

happy wednesday! calories may be a bit high these past few days, but no full blown binges. That is what is most important right now.  :-)  And who knows, perhaps I am burning close to what I'm eating. With all the weightlifting, I do hope I have a high calorie burn, perhaps close or around 2200 at least. I don't really want to use online computers to figure out  my burn, the best way would be to buy health equipment to actually measure my burn all day and night, but i cannot afford that. for now, i'll hope I can burn at least 2000 everyday....

I really do think that on days when I am very active, I may have been able to burn 2500 cal over a period of 24 hours.  I wonder if this really is the case!

breakfast: 2 fruits 150, klondike sugar free which i will not buy another package of! 170. total: 320.

snack: plum 80

snack: bar 130


BIG lunch: salad 100, tofu 100, microwave meal 260, CHIPS 400, peanut butter on roll 450: 1310 fine.

tsf: 1840, fine.

i'll count calories up to 2500 today, again, i think.

more binge after lunch: crackers 410, yogurts 300, peanut butter 300, chips 400: 1420

tsf: 3260...

snacking on jolly ranchers 130...

late snack of ice cream/plum: 230

total today: around 3620. not great at all, but i have moved on.


Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!

just42day on 08/18/2010:
Your goal is definitely w/in reach - particularly with your continued good food choices and exercises. Yes, I think it's major that there aren't binges. At least for me, I'm sure that's what started it all with my gains over the years. Keep up the great work! You'll hit your goal in no time!

loveray on 08/18/2010:
i took my weight down because i realize that i put a lot of stock in the number, rather than listening to my body. i still weigh myself weekly, but i am trying to lessen the guilt and shame around the number and rather, focusing on truly how every inch of my body feels, especially as related to hunger. i realize my mind has been doing most of the counting and eating for years. time for my body to relax, enjoy and feel hungry:) love to you- have a great day!

Umpqua on 08/18/2010:
You are so close to goal. I know how difficult it is, I'm having lots of struggles myself. We can do this!

moogy on 08/18/2010:
HOP, I hope you have a good day today and keep everything under YOUR control. I think that you are burning up a lot of calories with your exercise, but think about burning fat and not food. That way you will absolutely reach your goal. Have a wonderful day HOP, I hope it is a good one for you. Hugs.

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Aug 17, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 138.0

good morning!  exercise: 35 min bike ride, weights for over an hour.

my legs are pretty tired, but i can't just not exercise. so, i'll be off biking soon!  and weights tonight after work.

breakfast: 540 in an apple, greek yogurts (one fat free, the other 2% strawberry banana chobani), a little bit of sprinkled oats, and a sugar free klondike bar.

snack: large peach and pieces of turkey deli meat: 140

big lunch: chicken 300, green beans 100, corn on cob 100, soup 100, fruit 160: 760

snack: ice cream 170

snack: iced coffee probably...2 of them, one a gift from a parent, it had caffeine along with some kind of flavoring and i ended up getting a little sick from it. but it was good and nice of her to give it to me of course! and a bar. 340 total here.

LATE dinner around 10pm after gym: biscuit w. egg white and 2 bran crackers, i was starved and needed something to "hit the spot" or i'd definitely binge. 250

total cal today: I'd say i did good, around 2450. :-)  I am happy with this.



Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

2luvself on 08/17/2010:
glad to hear your motivated don't over do it though.

loveray on 08/17/2010:
sounds like a good day to come!! enjoy and relax. xo

legcramps on 08/17/2010:
I could so totally not exercise if my legs were hurting; nice job with the strength of your determination. Love your breakfast and lunch choices!

V on 08/17/2010:
Did not know Klodike had sugar free anything! Thanks for the info :)

moogy on 08/17/2010:
That is a good day you have planned. I hope you stick with it and you get a good day under your belt. I was expecting a chocolate/oatmeal thingy this morning maybe tomorrow? Have a great day girl!!

getmebackto150 on 08/17/2010:
great job heading off the binge... also good job getting the exercise in... hope you are having a great day!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Aug 16, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 138.0

(just a little more than 10 lbs to go...that's NOT bad at all!) 13 lbs to my first goal.

Goal #1: get down to 135 in the next couple weeks.

Goal #2: Get down to 125-129 by Sept 9, my birthday.

Goal #3: Get to 125 by mid september

7:30am Breakfast: apple, large bowl of shredded wheat with milk, some peanut butter: 600.

early 11am lunch: yogurt 150, honey mustard pretzels 300, peanut butter sandwich 550 = 1,000

snack: large iced coffee 100, candies 100

exercise: walk at the park 4.5 mi

early dinner: low sugar ice cream 170, 2 taco shells 100, microwave tofu meal 260, 2 peppers 80: 620, 2 small tomatoes 40

candy: 30.



Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

2luvself on 08/16/2010:
hope your day is going swell.

legcramps on 08/16/2010:
looks good!

Moody3 on 08/16/2010:
Mmmmm~Shredded wheat! I should pick some of thst up!

Hope you're having a great day!

just42day on 08/16/2010:
4.5 mile walk! That's wonderful! Good for you :)

moogy on 08/16/2010:
I absolutely think you can reach your goal in a couple of weeks, especially if you keep up that good walking and make good food choices. You can do it!!

hollybelle on 08/16/2010:
YAY - good goals. Big walk!!

moogy on 08/16/2010:
I think I lose the most weight when I eat lots of veggies, they fill me up, keep me regular and I only eat the ones I like. The chocolate/oatmeal thingy sounds interesting. I remember when I was lifting weights - feeling so strong and having muscle definition under the extra weight on my arms. It makes you feel really powerful doesn't it. You are right - your life is in your hands, some days are going to be a struggle and some days are not so bad. This is my reality, I have learned to except my illness and work around it. I have a saying, "some days I sit and think and some days I just sit" LOL I try and keep a sense of humor about the limits I have on my life and look for the joy in everyday things. I cherish life's simple pleasures, flowers, a child's smile, a cool breeze on a hot day, just little things. I don't hope for big things anymore, but at your age I would look for the joy and look forward to an improved life. If you feel worse when you come out of your counsellor's office, maybe you need to see someone different, or tell them you feel worse. You may already do this, in which case ignore me. In fact you can ignore me altogether if you like, that is fine. I am sending you love and the biggest hug you have ever had. X

nita51 on 08/17/2010:
You Go Girl!!!! You're almost to goal = SO HAPPY FOR YOU & Hugs

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 15, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

so i said what i said in my spiel about weightloss in the entry before.

BUT, i am still so lost with life. I honestly do not think i'm ever going to get out of my hole that i'm in.

I don't think I will ever be able to support myself and get a full time job. I really, really, don't think I can.

And at 27, turning 28, I'm pretty much on the verge of giving up on life.  The only reason I don't is because I am too afraid of the consquences of death.

Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

moogy on 08/15/2010:
I think you need to go and speak to someone about how you are feeling. It really does sound as if you are depressed (I recognise the symptoms). If you do not have any spiritual or philosophical base on which to ground yourself life can be pretty tough. Please think about talking to a counsellor or psychologist, there is only so much we can do here. We can support your efforts and try to help but really I believe you need to speak to a professional. I hope you can get some support - you are asking for it by letting us know how you are feeling, lost, scared, desperate, in a dark hole you can't climb out off - I know these feelings because I have clinical depression. If you do want help your doctor is the first place to go - if you do, be honest with him/her about what is going on with you. I am feeling absolutely useless here typing away when all I really want to do is hug you and tell you that there is hope and there is something that can be done to help you feel better. All I can do is give advice and send love. xx

Donkey on 08/15/2010:
OMGosh, that's the same exact way that I feel!!!! The only reason I'm here is because I'm too afraid to die. Well, that and because I'm here for my kids. I have thought how awful it would be for my children if there was yet another "family secret" for them to have to deal with.

Listen, I think Moogy has a point, but let me tell you, I've done the whole therapist thing, and you know, therapy can only take you so far. My last therapist told me I was done, in the sense that I was "healed" and I'm still a total wreck. So I know that you know what you need to do if you start feeling dangerous to yourself. But unless you have great insurance or free counseling, I'd say save your money and save yourself. Because really, the only person who can change things is you.

This is what I think you should do: Keep up the job search. Expand your search area. In the meantime, volunteer at a hospital. You already do? Sign up for another one. And another, until you are just to the point of being almost too busy. Yes, do this. For one thing, it gets you in a hospital, so you can go to HR. You can see job postings. Perhaps you can speak with the receptionist, "Hi, I'm a volunteer, but I have a few questions..."

You are young, you're not tied down, you're reasonably healthy and attractive (very if you ask me - and no, I'm not gay). You don't have the constraints that I have, old with a name/reputation/record that is poisoned, a spouse, 2 kids -- all of these are burdens that you do not have to carry. I only see opportunity in front of you, no closed doors. Don't focus so much on that number. Age is relative at this point. As long as you look good, nobody cares how old you are. Don't compare yourself to others, unless it is to prove to yourself how fortunate you are.

Unfortunately, the economy sucks right now. That's the main problem, but it's the main problem in a lot of people's lives. I didn't realize this until we tried to rent out our old house (that desperately needs to sell). Let me tell you, things are bad with us, but there are a lot of people out there wishin' they were us, that's how bad.

So be careful not to blame yourself for things that are, in essence, out of your control.

lobster on 08/15/2010:
i feel exactly the same so often. i'm around your age and feel like i ahve done nothing with my life! i have received alot of support from those around me (therapists and doctors included) but still i struggle. i hear well what donkey is saying, but at the same time i also have been depressed (i am bipolar) and its a really scary place. if that is where you are at, you need to speak to someone who knows more than we do here! i agree with donkey and the idea of involving yourself in your community and volunteering, getting escape from our own heads really helps sometimes! (not that i'm always able to!) you can do this, things will come your way. just have faith and keep movig forward. do waht you can do for today and the rest will follow.

loveray on 08/16/2010:
hi HOP, im so sorry to hear about how you are feeling. i think it would be false to say that most people dont feel this way at some point in their lives. getting a job and truly being out of your own is a positively scary feeling!! but, facing the fears without the masks of food, parents, etc is so rewarding and so uplifting- once you get through the grips of fear. i often used to feel depressed every morning when i woke up when my mom was ill and i just felt like i was alone taking care of everyone. it was only until yoga teacher training that i truly had a "breaking open" of how precious and beautiful my and others lives are. it is such a gift and a miracle, by the way, to be walking around on this planet. all that said, is there something you could get involved in - where you would have a community, doing the things you absolutely love?? maybe it's a music community or a yoga community, but trust me, these people who seem to know the inner you give you so much more insight into who you are and then you begin to become content with truly being with yourself! again, it is a scary decision to ask for help, but if therapy and other methods are to stringent, i think you just really need to be loved and supported by those who know the real you and won't judge the real you. i love you! please contact me any time if you wish.

Moody3 on 08/16/2010:
You've gotten several perspectives from the ladies, and I have to agree with certain things each one says~So I don't have much else to add~Except know that you are not alone in your feelings~I am glad you opened up here, because it's important to get these things out in the open~I hope you have someone in your "real life" that you trust enough to open up with also~It's cathartic and healing to get these things off your chest~

Take care and God bless~

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 15, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

****I have NOT binged since Wednesday****

****I will NO longer binge***

***I will be able to eat around 2,000 per day and be satisfied without extra binging***

***I can and will lose weight again, and become what I want of myself***

***My friend's wedding is in January, her bridal shower in October, I would like to weigh 125 come October***

***I still weigh 140 right now, for which i am THANKFUL, so much binging lately, so little weight gain comparitively. For this I am VERY lucky.  I am lucky I have been able to exercise, too, so that the weight gain hasn't been more.***

This is going to be a challenge, but I need to lose weight, and I can do it again.  I don't have a desire right now to be very skinny. I would rather be fit right now.  I would like to show off the MUSCLES that I HAVE already. Especially my arms. I have been lifting weights for a whole year practically, non-stop. And I have arm muscles, but they are not apparent, bc I have a bit too much weight on my arms and body in general. Even to be 129 will be a godsend. I haven't been below 130 since summer 2008. That's two years.

Weight Gain. My weight never went above 115 for many years. From when I was 20-25 I was always under this number.

When I turned 25 and got a job I didn't really felt amounted to much, despressed about many things, I started to gain weight. I gained about 10 lbs I believe. Was never about 130, I don't think, when I was 25-26.

When I turned 26, again I was around 125. By Springtime, I was about 140 something I think! 15 lbs gained while going back to school. Then, by 27, I was once again around low 130s.

I am now turning 28, and in this year, I have put on what I lost last summer again. I was doing good, then got depressed in April,May,June...studying for this exam, and put on these last few pounds.

A goal to get back to 125 sounds good to me. Toughest part will be getting through the 130s.  It seems daunting because I haven't been 129 for several years now.

I am happy I have muscle, thankful I have done weight training. I will NEVER stop, as long as I can help it. I like weight training. I CAN DO 20 PUSHUPS AT A TIME!

If feels good to be strong, not just skinny. I don't really want skinny. I love having muscle in my arms and a strong back. But I want it to be seen! I want people to look at my arms and back and see my efforts from the gym.

I want to be noticed by guys. I want their attention. I want them to look my way.

Guys are NOT noticing me right now. I do have extra pounds and I don't look my best. I want them to notice me for my appearance, just as any woman would.

In some ways, I'm ready to grow up now. To make some better decisions. I don't really speed when driving anymore. And I'm starting to think more like an adult. I am trying not to drive with my music loud and windows down. LOL.  I'm trying to live a more organized, calmer (in terms of making good decisions) life.

I really would like to lose this weight because I KNOW i'll also feel better. If I don't binge, it should come off rather easily...and I can't binge anymore, I really can't.

Before my body takes revenge on me for the years I've stuffed everything in, I need to let my insides relax, recover, and not work them so hard!

So, here's to starting over. The second time. And losing weight, a second time.

I do not want to be someone who is on a "diet" constantly throughout life. I want this to hopefully be the last time I have to lose SO MUCH weight. Aside from perhaps pregnancy.

It really is looking like a tremendous task. But I am ready for it, now.

(also need to get a full-time job...)


Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

cleaneating on 08/15/2010:
You go girl!

moogy on 08/15/2010:
Hey, HOP, it sounds like you are back. I am very pleased that you have turned a corner and are firing on all cylinders. You stick with it and you will succeed.

just42day on 08/15/2010:
Your goal seems realistic and I'm confident that you will hit it with your determination!

V on 08/15/2010:
Yay!!!! She's back :) I am so glad you made a turnaround

loveray on 08/15/2010:
wow!!! this entry is a keeper. so happy something inspired you. good lyck on your journey. we are here to support you. xoxo

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 15, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

Sunday....less planned, going to the gym for weights later, also some cardio on the bike, i think...

breakfast: was a bit early, 400 in oatmeal, milk, pineapple 2% greek yogurt chobani

late morning snack: large peach, sucking candy, klondike bar: 350

tsf: 750. not bad at all.

snack throughout my weights workout for 1.5 hours at the gym: med iced decaf coffee with skim milk and 4 equal - 100 cal.

late lunch: biscuit w. egg white :-) 300, red pepper 40, some cucumber 10, some cherries 40: diet coke, around 400 here...oh, and some bran, so like 440.

tsf: around 1300 so far! excellent.



exercise: weights for about 1.5 hours at gym, bike outside.


Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

cleaneating on 08/15/2010:
Enjoy your day :)

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Aug 15, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

Saturday was a great day. went to the beach, Fire Island. Was with friends most of the day. no more than 2200, for sure!


Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Aug 13, 2010
(count calories/exercise/relaxing thoughts!)
Weight: 140.0

snack: 3 candies 70.

breakfast: large peach 80, oatmeal w. milk and peanut butter 350: 430.

lunch: tomato 40, small turkey sandwich: 240: 280, and cole slaw 80

tsf: 860....then out for a walk and then to the library....to have a good read, bc i don't see myself in a mood to sit home and practice my instrument right now or later.

3pm snack: protein bar and iced coffee 240

early snack at 5 before dinner: green beans and almonds 160, with tofu 90, and cucumber 30: 280

tsf: 1380, pretty ok.

late dinner out at diner: probably a BLT and a diet coke.

out at bar tonight: light beer is the plan, up to 2 bottles.

total cal: around 2200, good.

exercise: over an hour of biking, walked around 4 miles as well. and then out tonight.


Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

loveray on 08/13/2010:
have a wonderful weekend - love to you!!

moogy on 08/13/2010:
I hope you have a good weekend HOP. Lots of love, Sending you love.

hollybelle on 08/14/2010:
I see you ride your bike. I love to ride. Just getting back into it since an accident where I twisted my back very hadly last AUGUST! I'm not up to par, yet, but riding fairly hard for an hour. Odometer broken so not sure on distance, really. It's been too hot most days here (dangerious heat - upper 90s with humidity) so unless it cools down a bit around 8 o'clock I can't ride most days. I am planning a trip to the Little Miami Bike Trails in Ohio in October 100 miles of paved flat road only for bikes and walkers/runners through quaint little towns that love bikers. Can't wait.

V on 08/14/2010:
Good job today! You seem like you are getting back to your happy self :)

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