Good Morning :)
i'll catch up with your entries when i'm doing laundry...was invited by Ricky to go to farmstand :) vendors set up the food/products they bring at a local park every weekend until late Fall... :)
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Besides a diet Snapple at beach, yesterday was healthy. I estimated 2200 or so but could be less, not sure. i didn't bring my own snacks, so was eating what was around...dinner was so healthy at my parents! unlimited veggies was good because i ate small portions of everything else. :)
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Now on to today:
8:30 am Breakfast: saag on a wrap extra saag, 400, almonds 120. Coffee while out 80. 600.
11am: Pickles with nice garlic flavor at farmer's market 50, and the soursop fruit online says 150 cals for a cup of pulp and at most i had 2 cups from that fruit (i think it was slightly smaller than average soursop). 300 cals. at least it is healthy, right? i didn't think the other half the fruit would last in the fridge, so i just decided to enjoy it..., also enjoying a light sparkling coconut water drink 25 cals...
1pm lunch: wrap 60, deli turkey meat 40, leftover indian veggies mostly baby carrots with oil 150, leftover saag (indian spinach tho i think they made this one with oil, no cream and i like it better than the other restaurant). 150. total here: 400, healthy.
2:30 with laundry done now, strawberries 50...and off to gym for an early afternoon session :)...i'll def be home around or before 6pm. will pick up avocados and store them in my gym locker lol so they don't sit out in my hot car in this over 90 degree weather :)
1450...
120 fiber one cookie and 180 protein bar and a ol 50
1800 total.
2day 2000
after i finish laundry, i plan to do a little reading, then gym, then supermarket (which i might just skip until tomorrow after work), since i'm really rather enjoying being home today & not running around with errands.
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I had a SOURSOP in my fridge sine early last week. It's a fruit i had found in the supermarket that i never tasted. It's very sweet and tasty. It's high cal, so i had kept putting it off to eat the whole thing, so had it when i got back from the farmer's market. I was looking to eat something very natural...and light. Fruit is light...lol. i had a bunch of fresh pickles so this sweet taste was good after that!
11am: soursop fruit (the whole thing bc each half was the size of a cup but some parts are inedible like all the seeds which are like the size of sunflower seeds and also the spine inside is not edible. it tasted like a sweet shake. it's a thick fruit, not watery, but silky smooth texture, and a dense light white kind of color. not watery. it's like having a margarita or mixed drink without the alcohol sort of flavor..and the pickles at the fair along with some very small tastings of a small piece of bread with garlic oil and also smallest bite of a piece of a chip with salsa. emphasis on SMALL :)
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Ricky invited me also to go to eat later and be by a concert (not attned, but hear from the outside) that starts at 8pm only 10 minutes away...i'm going to turn him down bc i want today to be ultra relaxed, not rushing later tonight...and i want gym & still have laundry...not in the mood to rush, so gonna do my own thing :)
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Gym a bit later - but i'll lay low on legs as they are sore.
Maybe watch the movie I borrowed from the library - the color purple....great movie but I haven't seen it. That's it. Def gotta do laundry - still I don't prefer doing it during the week (would open up the weekends to doing much more, but honestly i don't think i mind sitting around a little bit!....
- so that must be why laundry remains on weekends. also, it just makes one more weeknight rather busy...if i had laundry in my apt, which i may consider later on, it would be done during the week. but since i go downstairs, and must take out clothes in a much more timely manner from the washer, i do prefer laundry on weekend...ok enough about laundry!
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While with family last night having dinner, we discussed a very strange topic. hopefully this doesn't offend anyone...i cannot even write what i want to write bc it's wayyyyy to weird for the internet. basically, my sister is pregnant with a boy. and she was saying that my mom cannot ever touch it's private parts even once when she's wiping it like bc it's something she never saw herself and of course NOT TO PLAY duh, i mean just to see what it's like on a baby...and not to play!!!!!!!! that would be freaking screwed up i KNOW! anyways, i sided on the very liberal side on this issue. saying if it was one time, and OBVISOULY NOT FOR ANY EVER TYPE OF PLEASURE ASPECT duh!!!!!!!!!, it wouldn't be the biggest deal. i'm not talking throughout the whole time the baby is a baby. i'm talking one time. and not a prolonged time....
...i told you it's a very strange issue.
anyways, i sided with the fact that overall it's not a big deal with a basically newborn and like just for overall knowledge and that's it. and no biggie...and forget about it as it's just not a major deal or anything wrong to anyone even the baby. i didn't bring this topic up, my pregnant sister did saying she knew my mom would want to do that...and i sided with my mom. and my dad get furiously mad...like to the max screaming at me and accusing me of being one of those folks that could get in trouble for things related to that nature but not the same as this example.
overall my family is very type A and if someone has any different view or opinion or even if i do something in public like say anything (and i mean anything not major deal issues i mean say a word wrong! or use wrong grammer, anything!) it becomes a fight. i don't have patience for it all the time. my dad was yelling at me since horseback riding in the morning...eventually i had enoug of my whole family acting like jerks overall...
my sister's bf was driving my mom's car home from the beach and driving it like an A$$hole... on purpose. my sister telling him to stop being an A$$. it's funny he gets away with everything. my sister's husband constantly trying to get me in trouble with my parents - he's VERY good at playing into family dynamics and it is SO ANNOYING.
if i were dating anyone, i'd be scared to introduce him at this time to my family as they don't know how to cool it with me. it's constantly, "let's teach her what's wrong and right..."...i'm 35! it gets annoying...teaching me lessons in public all the time!? come on! i'm not 5.
anyways, i had enough, so i abruptly got up from the dining room table where we were eating, sister, husband, dad and mom...i stormed around to get my things...my dad came over and continued yelling at me not to leave...i considered it by going to my room....and decided i wasn't listening to more of the same or doing what anyone wanted...and i left and drove home with my dad still yelling and windows of the house open as i went to my car to drive home.
once in my car, i felt relief...there ended up being loads of traffic so i actually took an exit and drove in the opposite direciton of my apt for around 15 minutes...before getting off another exit to another road to actually go home.
i guess i'm happy to lay here on the couch today. relax right now, before starting the day.
i wished my dad a happy father's day by text as we celebrated yesterday. i'll prob try to see him during the week since he works by me, and drop off his card and small gift - a white top for the beach. i forgot everything bc i was rushing yesterday morning to leave my place at 9am...and i was just rushing. so since i'm not seeing him today, i'll have to drop his stuff off to him during the week hopefully which he'd like...as long as he's at the office...he works in many locations.
Progress as of today: -2 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
200 before lunch..healthy Great day with family - dad had Groupon to go horseback riding then we had lunch now beach and dinner maybe sleeping over 11amLunch: tuna salad large amount 300? Chips 200, bread 200, coffee 50..750.. Watermelon 100 Diet Snapple with piece of dad's hot pretzel 150 Snack of hard pretzels and light drinks 150 Dinner is big but I'll eat healthy ....we are I think bbqing chicken and salmon 1350....
dinner prob around 2250, healthy day.
for dinner there was salmon, chicken, lots of veggies and salad, some small potatoes on the grill...i tried a bite of sausage, a small spoonful of my dad's baked beans..overall i ate a huge amount but mostly in veggies. nice to eat at my parents house. i helped out a little bit helping my dad at the grill. my mom prepped the food herself though..
there was a fight that i can't write about here bc it's both just too stupid and also too hard to write here as it's a topic that is just royally too embarassing to type about. my family is all very type A and there's always way too much fighting when we get together. it's really annoying that i'm still constantly told what to say and do, at 35. i ended up leaving early, because i really can't put up with the arguing and yelling for a long time...or the raised voices and types of communication they favor. i'm glad i left.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
DECIDED TO STAY LATE AND MAKE UP ALL TIME DUE BC OF THE CLASS :) NOW I CAN LEAVE EARLY THE NEXT TWO WEEKS ON WEDNESDAY AND NOT NEED TO MAKE UP TIME....BEEN LAZY WITH EXERCISE THOUGH.
left work at 6pm which means i actually made up a half hour extra to leave early next week i'm thinking...maybe.
kombucha 100
8am wrap 60, butter 40, egg 100, beans 100, coffee 50
10am Chickpea salad from coworker funny coincidence since I had chickpeas earlier in morning lol my beans were chickpeas actually...200..this wasn't satisfying...tasted nice but unsatisfying due to it being like all carbs.
11am 100 almonds
Healthy lunch: matzah whole wheat cracker 100, very oily but healthy indian okra 250?, egg and egg white 100, peppers 100 (a lot), small grapefruit 100. 650. good.
1:30-pm after lunch....ugh....sweet lara bar snack (high sugar but tastes great)...eating today. 200...giving into all temptations
I'm going walking / jogging this afternoon after work which means i must get my assignment done at work, and it is VERY time consuming....!...so let me get back to work...
Dinner after jog: Plan is for a big thing of leftover indian veggies 250, turkey 50, wrap 60, some saag 150? total here approx: 500
TOTAL TODAY: 2350, decent....i don't know what has come over me lately.
Skipped jog bc stayed at work and had apple 1850 before dinner ...I will go walking after I eat dinner.
7day: 2200 - i do gain weight from this high calories...i am getting too used to stuffing myself.... especially like at lunch here...and also evenings at home too much crap....i'm not going to buy any more sf jello or whipped cream for awhile (maybe not the rest of the summer).
Lots of bad cravings this week and indulgences.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
I know that you truly intended to jog/walk today. I'm sorry that it didn't work out. But it isn't a great feeling knowing that your hard work NOW will make next week easier? That's the #1 reason why I stay late at work -- to make tomorrow a better day for myself. (Sometimes it works, most of the time it's just another set of frustrations, LOL...)
I tend to overeat on days I work later but in general my eating is screwy - I am very happy that I have made up enough time this week to be able to leave the hour early for both next week and the following week for my classes :) that decreases a lot of stress
7:30am Breakfast wrap 60, avocado 160, egg 100...320, coffee extra milk 100, other coffee 50 500 (i was here early so was having extra coffee to keep my mouth busy/stomach busy)
9am Snacks from coworker big piece of turkey bacon 150? small pieces of home fries - Potato 50 700
...skin still very broken out but dinner bean wrap last night was excellent ! Thinking to have that before gym today
11am Almonds approx 50
1:30pm Huge lunch but healthy ingredients, just large portions including rice which was pretty tasty. also a bit oily lunch. it was indian last of the tandoori chicken drumsticks 150 tops, basmati rice with peas 250?, okra (very oily but so good) small serving 100-150, tons of veggies also some oil 200, some salad with some saag 100-150?...total lunch: 800-850.
The rest of the day will be in smaller portions is my plan. bar before the gym or a cookie is my plan...it hasn't been a weightloss week but the food choices have improved overall and i hope my skin will clear more...also this weekend i'll be active and looking to make good choices...i bought more indian to bring home for the weekend.
I will leave on time today - yes...not making up any more time for the day my bus was late ! It's too stressful and nobody is noticing and it makes me have a bigger appetite the later i stay and later i get to gym, and I wanna jog tomorrow which means i want to be out on time tomorrow too and everyone will be leaving before me tomorrow - so it will be easy to leave on time and not stay late!....today i'm planning to go straight to gym without having to stop home as my gym clothes are already in my car and i'm glad i am starting to put them there the night before now! doing good with that.
At work a nice half hour earlier today & that made people notice :)
Over the weekend i should be able to make better food choices - i'd like lower calories next week, today i weighed 116 on scale...lately it's high again....and i feel the fat on my lower stomach area coming back....time to watch it.
1650 after nuts And 2 bars. Total today is 2050. Tomorrow's a new day! 6day = 2150
I never made it to the gym & i'll be taking off the gym until Sunday. I will totally jog tomorrow after work - and will leave early at 4pm so i have some energy for the jog! Everyone will leave before me, so, shouldn't be a big deal tomorrow and i can say i worked late the day before.
i did work 11 hours though and made up enough time not to stay late or work any extra next week when i still have a class i leave early for - the time has all been made up :)
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
kombucha 100
wrap 100, egg 80, half avocacdo 170 salt and pepper, coffee 50 400.
500...healthy. i only have half container of whip cream left and planning to not buy it anymore after i finish it. :)
snack: apple / almonds 200 skipped bc doing work with one of my bosses :)
lunch: indian and sald: drumpstick 100, salad greens 50 so good fancier greens, curry cauliflower/potato 200 tops, also some saag (lots of indian this week and LOVING it) 200 at most. total here: 600 tops.
snack: might go for cake and decaf coffee :) yes - and someone gave me an expresso with sugar :( and it tasted like candy! so good! 400 at most?
dinner: i may finish the whipped cream with ice cream - so sue me! will try for no sugar: apple 100 (healthy!), 2 egg whites 50, wrap 60, half avocado 160, chick peas130: 500, decided on chips, 200 - craved the carbs / salt. it's totally fine bc i am happier with this dinner than all the ice cream and whipped cream i've been having.
overall 2200, decent.
5day:
bed early..
someone's bday is tomorrow and i hear it's going to be an amazing cake today...i may try to have it and work it into my day & not have such a low day just to enjoy the cake...big possibility. i know i'll at least be tasting the cake..and maybe follow the tastes up with coffee :)
my skin has one really deep breakout...because of my horrible eating habits so the inflammation hasn't gone down a lot ...but it's not getting worse thankfully.
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i was late today bc they closed a road!!!!! the bus had to take a longer detour to the train. i was late by 20 min. i have to make it up friday :( but people have said don't worry...so i may just not worry and only make up the time for the class..last night i made up half hour and tomorrow a half hour to make up for leaving an hour early today...ugh! i will make today's time up on friday , i think. i have to make up 20 min for today...UGH!
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
Just a thought - who knows, you might try it and hate the taste or texture. Right?
i do love fage greek yogurt, it would be a good switch once i finish what i have at home.
kombucha 100
wrap 100, half avo 160, black pepper - skipped garlic, turkey 50. coffee 50.
snack: almonds? 200
lunch: indian...but i'll watch portions :)...TBD (it's in fridge from yesterday!) chicken drumstick 100, salad 50, tons of tasty (with oil) veggies 350. 500-540
snack: butterfinger pieces 100, maybe coffee 50 TBD ...100
California roll around 400 hopefully not much more .... After exercise will be lighter
dinner: was a total binge/splurge not cool. i had it late, around 9-9:30pm after staying a half hour more at work to make up for today's leaving an hour early. i'll make the other half up on Thursday...today should be better as it's very structured. 600 cal in sweets and whipped cream.
total tuesday = 2450. lately too many very high days.
4day 2140
gym was good.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
but when i google food that's gujurati, it didn't look very healthy...
gujurati looks like a lot of fried / grains / bread / dessert.
but yes, the marathi looks very healthy.
Marathi is amazing.. Totally different than the greasy trans fat laden pakistani and punjabi places. They have wonderful salads and things for summer. Harder to find in a restaraunt. Look for yoga centers having parties and cooking classes. Bitter melon is an acquired taste but has amazing fat burning and cancer fighting properties and the mathi recipes for it are actually tasty. Here is an easy protein packed salad. I like to add cut up orange for the salad. The secret to mung bean sprouts is a drop of grapefruit extract every time you change the water to get all the bacteria off and have no black spots or bitterness.
http://poonambachhav.blogspot.com/2016/05/moong-sprouts-salad-recipe.html?m=1
I've worked insoftware forever. Tons of Indian people in that industry.
nothing at home, out of bed late but ready on time.
wrap 100, turkey 50, avocado 160, coffee 50 with stevia. 360.
snack: almonds...200, fruit 50
lunch from home: yellow pepper 50, half avocado 160, matzah cracker 120 salt and pepper, egg 80. 410.
snack: apple? 90 coffee and a chocolate 90
Almonds and small piece chocolate 100 1200.
saag and cheese in it 350 tops, wrap 50, egg 100, blackberries 100, ice cream (yup!) 150. 750
2000, tops. - good!
3day: 2040 - very good!
Dinner: will be leftover saag (from last week and planning to buy more soon) on rice cakes and i guess some of the cheese that comes in it...for fat / protein..i'll possibly buy more fruit for dessert on way home from work - like berries.
i promise myself that i'm laying off ice cream and sf jello and cool whip during the weeknights this week so that my face can clear up...instead, i plan on bars after the gym and indian food on rice cakes during nights i eat a full dinner at home.
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tonight is bed early, and cleaning hamster cage. no other plans. not really happy about the weekend...i just spent it driving around to hair appt, bridal shower, dinner with family...i felt like i was just going thru motions but not getting anything out of it.
workout was good last night. and jog/walk was good on Saturday.
I am planning to do a jog during the week, but def not tonight as i'm beat and want to go to bed early. Wednesday is the class....I guess Friday i'll jog. no other time and i'm not skipping my gym sessions.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
haha....
i'll be happy to be back home tonight...more and more i'm starting to want to push myself after work more...once this class is done i'll be good :)
but i went, ate some tasty stuff despite it being stressful to eat so much and all that, it turned out well at least...and at least i went to the gym and stuck with my goal to go straight from the party which made me happy bc i was actually out of the gym around 7pm so it wasn't a late night last night...
i just didn't know many people there and the people i do know i wasn't so close with. so it's awkward....like you said.
one great thing....the bride at the bridal shower was very nice to everyone there...and she was thankful for me being there...she actually thanked me. great personality she has...and for that, i'm thankful i went bc she was so appreciative and spoke to everyone there. now that's a happy lady.
Kombucha 100 Wine 100 Potatoes 300 egg 100 eng muff 150, veg 200, more veg 100, cheese 100, bacon 100 ravioli 150 1400-1450
Bridal shower was boring as *uck.
My sister got mad bc I asked her to repeat a something she was talking about. I am not close with anyone here .... I have nothing to say to anyone ... I ate a lot but it was good tasty food but I am socially done .....just not enjoying this weekend or even my hair really 1500 bite of cake and coffee ;)
was going to make a wrap after gym but i'll have that in the morning instead...and stick with my guilty pleasure tonight.
jello 20, whipped cream 250, ice cream 100, and had a drink before at gym 25 cal. total around 400. good.
1900 today, excellent.
2 day is good again: 2050.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
Glad to see you had cake at least, right? So it wasn't a total bust, LOL....
I'm sorry the shower wasn't a better time. Were there games? Are you invited to the wedding too?
yes, there was def cake!
yes, a couple games.. and DEF yes for wedding...i was hoping to be invited with a guest but just me. so it will be more of the same :( i would have brought ricky and would have been able to chill with him the whole time, oh well.
I did once go to an all-women software development event. I really liked that. It gave me a glimpse into why other women think this **** is "fun".
Breakfast healthy was rice cakes 150 topped with saag 200. Afterwards I gave into whipped cream having half a af tub 250.
Wanted to get highlights but hair is too short so I am bleaching my hair again instead
Small coffee and Rice Krispie treat 150 750
small 1/4 bagel with little cc 100 850
Will buy a small wrap maybe if there's a Starbucks
made a wrap at home before jog: wrap100, 1/2 avocado 150, turkey deli meat 50, yellow pepper 50. 350
1200, good
out to dinner tonight with family...Asian, hoping to enjoy a lot of veggies. i looked at the menu....its stinky...just lots of sushi and fish. hardly any veggies...literally. but the ones that are on the menu, i'll def be ordering!
2200
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me figuring out the day...
and go jogging after this and cutting it close time wise I should have jogged this morning possibly instead of laundry but hopefully I'll fit it all in .....salon is far from me around 40 mom with traffic so it's eating up time and driving to my parents need to be there 5:45 and takes 45 minutes..... I think I'll be done here at 2-2:30 so home by 3:30 and jog until 4:30 change fast and drive home for dinner - prob a waste to dye my hair but it is what it is..
(Did I ask you this already? LOL...)
Go for the dye job! I never thought about hair having to be long enough for highlights... I don't think of it as a waste -- it's nice to change it up a little :-)
you did ask....i eat cool whip either light or more favorably the sugar free one. 20 cals per serving and like 25 servings for full a container is the 500 cal - generally i'll eat either half a container 250 or 1/4 container 125 cals. i got into the habit this year, never really bought cool whip in the past.
i admit i'm socially awkward in the workplace ...i love my personal space and quiet time...and in this room with 4 people (5 including me and sometimes 6) it's not like that at all. lots of dumb chatter about nothing and really sometimes it gets annoying to me a little bit (not a major annoyance). i am just so not a major people person or need to socially be entertained..so it's sorta stressful to sit surrounded by talking and be anxious (just slightly) from it as i work. also someone i know has headphones on her neck and i hear the music (clubbing music and also pop) and it's truly hard for me to work this way...
still i'm happy....just admitting my social akwardness.
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home: kombucha 50
Work: coffee 50, piece of amazing tiramisu cake best cake i had in over a year i think! from italian bakery coworker brought it bc she's a grandmother again! and a cookie it came with also (lady finger?) 400, fruit later on 50.
snack: almonds?
lunch: probably my breakfast sandwich which was wrap 60, half avocado 160, turkey deli meat 50, veggies 100. 400 apple 100
snack: coffee and cookie 120
before gym: tbd i think just caffeine and sweet bar of some sort 100-200 half a small egg and avocado wrap i think with some chicken? from coworker 300 and strawberries 50. some caffeine. and a bite of chocolate to taste a sample on way home from manhattan. 50
1700 approx
after gym: maybe just a protein cookie. not sure, maybe indian on rice cake with tofu. getting sick of so much sugar and sweet things i think. 400
2100 APPROX - HIGHER THAN PLANNED BUT HEALTHIER AT END OF DAY.
7day: 2100 DECENT EVEN IF A BIT HIGH! . ...AT LEAST I ATE SOME HEALTHY AVOCADO.
my face is very broken out due to lots of caffeine, too much light whipped cream, too much light ice cream, and being constipated for a few days this week. ... it's clearing up bc i'm using honey on my face which is good for antibacterial properties it has! but my face would be clear if i'd cut down on the jello, etc. i do plan to take a break this weekend from at least the whipped cream, ice cream & jello. i'll also refrain from energy drinks, except i will consume coffee.
truth is, i need better meals again at night and evening after work. def too much whipped cream, ice cream. i bought saag the indian spinach dish which is delicious to eat over rice crackers this weekend. that is a healthy option and nutritious. i'm planning to buy Indian often as it's on my way home. It has healthy oils, healthy veggies...even the cauliflower mixed with potato is good for me. potato in general is so healthy and good for digestion. i was too tired this week partially from ****ty nutrition. so i'm at least knowing in my mind i must strive to change some things still.
but overall, i'm happy.
and when i eat avocado, things like my skin improve greatly too.
i'm happy...have a good day, all.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
I'm glad you stick with your goals, you are a true inspiration.
being in NYC, there's so many food options and light ones and ways to balance calories, with all my knowldge and the fact i live alone, it's not a problem to eat to maintain my weight...though my choices aren't the healthiest i know.
we have great indian food and the spices are strong yes, as a kid i hated strong flavors, now i love it.
my face is a mess due to hormones, the junk i've been eating, caffeine...ugh.
I liked Happy's idea of wearing headphones just so people leave you alone, LOL...
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Now having said all of that, it's really too bad that yesterday ended up with your dad yelling at you for most of the 2nd half of the day. I know that you are close to your dad, so that must have been very unpleasant to experience. However, because you are close, maybe your relationship can handle events like that.
Again, from my experience, I could never have an encounter like that with my grandmother (now deceased) and recover from it. She was a very toxic, angry person who, while professing to be a firm follower of Christ, held a grudge forever, unforgiving, and even somewhat vengeful.
Relationships are complicated. I wish you a quiet and relaxing day today :-)
he didn't scream/get all worked up the whole time - just one thing during horseback riding when we were getting in the car to go home he said i was like a five year old not controlling my horse bc at the end of the hour my horse stopped to eat and i was unable to make it stop as fast as i would have liked so i was left partially behind for a few minutes. so my dad got all worried and spread the news up to the leader of the pack (around 6 adults were horseback riding with a leader and we were all in a single line the whole time). so when the news got up to the front that i was missing, it seems she was alarmed. I wasn't far behind and i think my dad got alarmed too fast and should have waited a hair more to do something if anything. my horse did finally make it's way back, it was probably around no longer than 2-4 minutes (i doubt more than 5), that i was missing. my horse was lazy and i was trying (probably not hard enough or with enough strong) to get it to move. we were told to pull on the reigns when the horse puts its head down to eat....i did, but the horse just wouldn't move...but eventually did. my dad was angry that i let the horse eat and got displaced from the group...and he was telling me how wrong i was, to upset the leader and him....grrr...like i was doing it on purpose! he said i was worse than a kid and that he should have been on the last horse instead of me! he just always wants control and it's obvious and at times gets rather annoying.
also one of the workers there was a young woman attending college and working there at the horse stable part time. i was asking her questions as she was speaking and my dad actually told me in front of her to stop...she and I looked at him in disbelief for a second...bc what he did isn't right i don't think with me being 35. he went on to tell me this is what my sister doesn't like about me...that i don't let people finish what they're saying before i ask them a question. he may be right i am sure a bit, but, how embarassing to do this to me in public all the time. it's like, just shut up already, you are not in charge of me and everything i say out loud, get a life, and let me handle myself.
at he beach, he did the same. he was asking me why i said certain things to a male friend of his / friend of the family we saw there with his family. i was talkng about a class i was taking, how it stated in the manual that we are a republic, not a democracy...i was speaking to this other man about this stuff because he's a lawyer who happens to be involved in voting registration and getting more people out to vote, etc. my dad asked why i would discuss that with him...and i said it's because he does stuff exactly related to the class, so he'd be the BEST person to share this stuff with! duh! it's annoying that everything i say needs to be questioned, most of the time. my mom is EVEN WORSE. she'll point at me to tell me a point, with her index finger like i'm 5. she'll look at me and tell me to stop talking or watch what i'm saying.
and then, when i am at work, i'm completely nervous to say anything and act like a moron at this job where i'm currently at i'm the most paranoid i've been in a long while! and now i see why.
so my dad was angry about how i acted, like i did it purposely to hold my horse back yeah right! in the morning for like 10 minutes he was completely acting all annoyed with me. ...
...and then for like 5 minutes in the evening he started to get so utterly upset telling me i dare not say another word...when we were discussing if it's right to touch a boy baby's private parts...like just to see what they are like when they are so small as a basically newborn - not as it grows up or anything of that nature. that was the main gist of it last night...i still retain my view that it's ok one time just for the adult knowledge and i don't care if others disagree. i know i'm not a freak.
my relationship with my dad will handle it, but more and more it is very obvious to me that i cannot spend long periods with my family and that it's wrong for them to treat me as a kid, always teaching me lessons rather than just conversing as adults. it's rather annoying and it's just part of our family dynamics: no discussions, just lessons. it's rather boring and dull and unsatisfying that my family is like this, rather than people who just like to converse and actually talk about things. i'd learn more if they were more easy going. both my dad and mom are not easy going people to any extent.
Donkey on 06/17/2018:
I deleted my first comment, as I realize I hadn't read your entry carefully enough before commenting. (Ooops - my fault!)
Please let me know if you would like me to delete what I said above. I would have except that you had already responded, and I wasn't sure if it would be polite to delete or OK to leave.
Yes, I see what you are saying that my family experience is not like yours. I was completely wrong to comment like that - even from my own perspective - because you are 100% right! I should really be more careful with bringing my own perspective into other people's situations. I'm sorry :-(
I still think that choosing your conversations carefully can be applicable to any situation, but then, what? You can't speak or ask questions ever? No, that's not right...
what!? you said nothing wrong at all...i appreciated everything you said, it was SO HELPFUL to read your first comment! because i totally relate to what you were saying, and that part of our family dynamics, after reading what you initially wrote, are so similar. you have reminded me, to remind myself, that less said is better. not to overreact. i did overreact last night by storming out. i'm going to work to not OVERREACT anymore with my family. ...
i never would want you to delete anything, i think you perspective has helped me so many times especially this one i'm glad i could talk about it with you here.
after all, i'm the "queen bee" of bringing my perspective into the comments on others' entries :) i enjoy your perspective and any examples of you bring into the comments. you did absolutely nothing wrong, you did me majorly right :) thank you !!
yes, i agree i still need to choose my conversations carefully or choose which of my opinions i should fight for, and which i should say and then stop :) i think i was ok to say it once last night, but bc i kept voicing it in contrast to the other side of the argument, everything flared up with nobody going to agree with the other side. it was my dad, sister, her husband against my mom and i in terms of opinions on that matter..
i think, regarding your final comments above, that i guess as adults it's important to carefully guage which situations i should stand up for myself in and which i should let slide.
with my sister being pregnant, i think she's more ready to fight than usual for how she feels. and regarding my dad, i guess i can point out to him that i can make my own thoughts up about things, lately i have to point it out bc it's unbearable with him, and otherwise, i'll have to work harder to let things slide..next time i will just keep my guard up..and be more prepared for these situations which are constant.
i think next time this happens, i'll just walk away from the table and sit downstairs in their house rather than leave the house. seeing people so upset is very upsetting to me...like seeing my dad's flaring temper is upsetting to me..so if it happens again, i'm not sure i could remain at the table yet. i may just have to stand up for myself...and when my dad yells at me, i'll have to start to tell him that i don't need any lessons? idk....i'll start to pick and choose more carefully. i guess.
innerpeace on 06/20/2018:
My two cents! WHAT the hell?? I had a newborn son and excuse me, but when/if the baby is circumsized the penis will have to be touched and dealt with afterwards for cleanliness and care. And to be perfectly honest, there were a few times, when poop actually got all over the place, including his penis and had to be wiped off. That is just insane to think it will never be touched. It's not like it's intentional fondling or anything. Some circumstances will be unavoidable, it just will. Anyway, good luck with that....and I am catching up on posts...sorry.
Anyway, I hope you had a good Father's Day.
My mother is the embarrassing, she will go off on anyone at anytime in public. There were times, I would say, OK mom, we are going in here to do this, please don't yell at the people. I'm sorry you are treated this way, I say...BE YOU Girlie!