1610 total cal :)
IGNORANCE is NOT bliss! I am saddened by all the hate in the world and people who think they are better than everyone else. We are all equal and let us live together in peace and harmony.
breakfast was great: oatmeal/egg mix and yogurt spread on top after: 350
snack: yellow raisins/almonds: 290.
lunch/snack: fiber one bar: 150
snack: protein "builder's" bar all natural: 270 (lots of diet drinks today)
total so far: 1060. today will be much lower than what i've been having per day this week. that's a good thing....
dinner: i think a dunkin donuts egg white sandwich, some vegetable drink powder things... (they're called red lightning if your're interested. it's the only one i like of the "lightning/nature's plus" powders that i've tried. very healthy at about 22 calories per package. good source of veg/fruit vitamins...
exercise yesterday was fantastic. today, i will go to the park as well. right now i'm just leaving some posts to you guys, ironing my white scrubs for school next week, did some reading....and just enjoying these next 3 days before school starts again. :) It was a good break.
The weirdness: so that guy, who texted to say he would call did NOT. so i'm done with him. He had 2 chances to get in touch. that is kinda rude so i'm past it. which is ok, bc i'm not very into dating right now since i'm more focussed on school...and now fitness. :) and getting a job....
BUT, the florida guy texted me again. (i ignored his texts earlier this week bc i've been kinda upset with him). but i didn't text him back much and he decided to actually CALL me. we spoke for around 45 minutes. and it was pretty late, maybe around 10 when he called. ehhh, not sure what to think of his call. I won't be calling/texting him though. I have learned to control myself....so that i will NOT end up being upset at my own actions with him. If he wants to contact me, he can. but i'm not going around chasing him.
THANKS FOR ALL THE DATING ADVICE! :)
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
accept people for their differences. nobody is better than the next person.
breakfast: cereal: oatmeal 150, with egg whites 60, cinnamon, and raisins 130...topped after with yogurt 110: 450. was tasty.
snack: nuts, drink 260
Lunch: too big again. but whatever. 3 pieces matzah 370, microwave meal 350, 2 yogurts 200 total here: 920 wowsers....and roasted chestbuts 110 total 1030.
total so far: 1740...total cal around 2200 today...
snack: diet coke.
dinner: 300 in stuff. not in the mood to type it out...
total: about 2040! wonderful day. i hope you all did well too....
will be on the phone with that boy tonight.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
woke up a little earlier compared to the last few days. that's ok. it was still later than when i'm in school! plans today include lots of exercise. and also filling out a workbook for school that needs to be done. also, i know i'll be having an anatomy test the friday i get back to school. i think a may study a VERY LITTLE bit, but every day, so that the info really sticks and i do well on the test without being overwhelmed with studying when i get back... i only plan on doing work during the morning. then, the day is mine!
breakfast: egg white/oatmeal mix 210, 2 yogurts 200, 2 chocolates. 50 total: 460.
snack: almonds followed by dates...around 300. eh.
lunch: lean cuisine flatbread atop with some egg whites i think would be good. celery on the side. 440
12:30pm snack: lunch was followed by some sorta unfortunate snacking of 620 cal of junk.
total so far: 1820. I'm planning on eating in the 2200s today. nothing lower.
dinner:
its rainy, but that will not get me down. how can you be down on vacation??? i'm loving it. weird, but the guy never called last night. i had the same situation with another guy last week. but, i had a really long online convo with this guy so i'm not sure why he would say he would call but then didn't. whatever, i'm not mad at all or concerned. i'm not looking to go crazy dating right now. AT ALL. i'm in school and feel that until i graduate, in a bit over a year, i just go with the flow. dating is not a priority at all.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
i would prefer this vacation to move a little slower! i can't believe it's tuesday already. today i've been doing some cleaning and organizing for the morning.
breakfast: egg white/oatmeal mix and yogurt: 320
late snack: almonds 160, orange 120: 280 total
snacking/lunch: 2 pieces matzah 260, eggplant rollettes mircrowave meal 350 total: 610 that's ok.
snack later: 2 small yogurts w. some added fiber stuff 220
total so far: 1430 doing ok!
dinner: will be the other avocado 300, lean cuisine 250, and celery 30.total: 580 fine!
total: 2010! awesome! :) i am having a wonderful break, eating within reason, and exercising. that's all i can ask for without turning insane!
it's rainy. so i'll be at the gym, maybe the park for a short while between drizzles.
i met this guy on a dating website last night. had a long chat online with him. he said he'd call tonight and we can set up a date. lives in the city but we'd meet on Long Island. i will be nervous later for when he calls. haha.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
I will be a momma & say "be careful" when/if you meet up with this online dude..... Not saying it is right/wrong, just BE CAREFUL in this day/age of wackos.....
Have a terrific day!
i thank you all from my heart for your concerns...
i did survive the wedding (and also did have some fun).
breakfast: yogurt, oatmeal/egg white mix: 320
snack/lunch: almonds 160, 2 pcs matzah 260, microwavable meal w. celery 350
total so far: 1090. eww. no way! didn't even feel like i ate that much!
snack at grandmas: apple which i ended up having an allergic reaction to (i'm only allergic to them in the spring when there's pollen,weird!) and two cookies around 300
dinner: was great. a whole avocado atop a microwave pizza. 650. not too shabby for all that.
total today: 2040 total sounds good.
exercise: 65 minutes on elliptical, abs, pushups. nice day.
soon enough i'll start weight training.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
Once the body starts getting a steady amount of TSH and all the chemicals level out as a result, I think it will be much easier to stop reaching for food to overfuel my body. You see with a damaged thyroid I don't really have a metabolism. So I am tired a lot, but I am also looking for a constant stream of energy to help all my systems, while my body HAS food it isn't being used properly so only a quarter of what I eat is actually used to fuel me, the rest just sits there and can't be taken back up and used. So I'm always looking for a fuel source to keep my energy level going, to make me feel good.
I do believe that once all the chemicals are back in place, things will be much easier. But I still have to get the right attitude in place. =)
i had dessert yesterday, too, so calories were a bit higher. i'd say around 3,000 approx.
today is a wedding. woke up and had lots of cream cheese and whitefish salad on a sandwhich of 2 pieces of wheat toast.
for the wedding, i'm wearing all black but i realized the wedding takes place at noon...it's less formal i guess kinda at that time, no? not sure. anyway, i was going to wear heals, but if i do, i'll be in pain for the next week (my VACATION week) and that won't be good at all. so, i'm wearing flats. ha.
honestly, there have been plenty of times recently where i'd rather not be alive. that's the thought in my head, anyway. thankfully, i'm too afraid to do anything to actually harm myself so for now i can say i will remain alive but depressed. i am at a low right now in my life. a continued low for the past 2 years. i am struggling deeply to get out of it. i do not want to be at the wedding today. i am sad for what i have become.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
First, seek out a counselor but let that counselor know you've not had a complete physical for a couple of years, then get a check up to rule out anything medical (Including thyroid disease-get the number!) and then continue with your counseling. The doctor can prescribe something that will help you feel better right away as well as something that will take time but evenutally help. There is NOTHING WRONG with asking for help and there is no shame in admitting to a professional that you need a particular kind of help. They deal with all kinds of issues each and every day. And you don't have to tell your family spit about any of it.
The first step of being independant is taking care of yourself. And knowing when you have to get outside help. Stop trying to carry all of this yourself! You may have something medically wrong that you didn't even know about! And your weight gain, binging, etc. might be a symptom of a medical condition. You are only going to drive yourself crazy if you keep going in circles waiting for that magic moment when you step out of this cycle and everything is well again. Sometimes we need help and at the risk of pissing some people off, I am going to tell you once again...YOU NEED HELP.
Get help. If you want me to do some research on clinics in your area that are low cost or doctors or whatever that will help for free, TELL ME because I am very good at being an advocate. I've done it many, many times for my employees. Anything from counseling to eye glasses. But you have to actually admit that you have a problem, and that will honestly give you the strength to get help.
i ate the entire world on friday. not even going to guess calories. i did walk 4 miles.
today, saturday: morning consisted of different kinds of macaroons (cookies) which were coconut, chocolate chip, chocolate coated. the works. around 900 cal?
lunch: a not so healthy sweet pepper salad 150?, whitefish salad on toast: 350?
total so far today: 1400 fine.
dinner w. friends tonight.
plans for monday, after the wedding sunday, clean up!!!! finish laundry. put everything away. wash my bedding finally. ew. and wash the bathroom. clean everything and get my act together! :) i need to badly. iron pants for school. then, relax the remainder of the week. exercise a lot. those are my only goals. i can handle just about nothing more at the moment. last week i became overwhelmed. i am a mess at the moment.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
total 1.5 hours of cardio today. happy with that!
calories:
100 breakfast
500 late breakfast
400 lunch
160 snack
dinner was not as hot: baked sweet potato 150?, pepper salad (lots of dressing) uh, 150? tuna fish 150, chocolates no idea maybe 250 at the least, CAKE also (old and leftovers since last week! yuck! haha, but tasty uhhh....700 or so? total here: 1400? ew?
total: 2560 ( at most, hopefully less.)
at least i did good exercise. today was a good day at school as well. got along well with all my classmates and other people there which is very important to me always.
hmmm...tomorrow is my last test before break! wahoo.
then, wedding sunday which i'm iffy about. at least i DON'T have to buy a dress, thankfully! :) i do have to buy stockings though :(
vacation next week! i'm not going anywhere lol. but i'm happy to be OFF!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
That's wonderful that you are doing well in school, that's something positive for you to work from. Keep up the good attitude and enjoy your week off!
calories before dinner: 1100
calories i'm planning on after having dinner: 1500. good day today. i don't wanna mess it up.
studying after dinner for my last test this week which i will ACE. I have no choice. I will memorize everything really well. I want the highest grade. that's the competitive streak in me which sometimes comes out....
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i am thinking about what i need to change/do to actually lose weight so that i can be happy about this controllable aspect of my life.
i would be nice to look good this summer. relax on the beach a little bit. last summer i ran far away from the beach.
i probably weigh at least 145. not kidding one bit. since the end of last summer, that's 20 or so lbs more.
i've been killing myself these past two years.
this is moreso an entry for myself. to write my thoughts down. to clear my mind.
what can i do that will work? if i didn't have to study tonight i would have went to the gym. instead, i had to stay for an hour and a half extra for a meeting at school and then came home at 6 to eat (binge) and study. and that worked well. if i went to the gym, my studying WOULD have suffered even more and i KNOW that. I know what i can handle when it comes to that. and the gym wasn't feasable. not that i should have binged. (and by binging, i mean that today was at least 3500-4000 cal).
i have that wedding sunday. not thrilled. i will be the largest one there. but i deserve it because i have done it to myself. I'm a rather healthy person who chose to make totally rash choices and decisions. and still does. it's like a brain fog that won't clear.
i am so lost right now. so confused with my life.
doesn't help that i need completely wash out another certificate of deposit at the bank and use it as a saving's account because i have NO MORE savings/checking.
that's what happens, when you don't work and go back to school.
soon enough, i'll be trying to get a job near me (even close than where i go to school) as a nurse's aide. that means i'll be cleaning people's behinds all day. and actually, it requires some training. i need to make money and want to make it while working in the health field. so there.
life is not simple, that is certain. and anyone who thinks it is, I wish i could see it that way. but i'm actually not being negative because if life was simply we'd all be bored. i'm just saying right now life is confusing the shi# out of me!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything, is ready, we shall never begin.
- Ivan Turgenev, novelist, poet, playwright
edit: i did binge today.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!
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im glad you are taking care of you! thats all we can ever ultimately do, right? have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the process. xoxo
Umpqua on 04/24/2009:
Sounds like you've had a great week off! It's difficult not to get upset by other people's attitudes in this world, but you have the right idea. If everyone focused on love, patience and tolerance the world would be a much better place. So that's what I try to do anyway. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
loveray on 04/24/2009:
i love your quote below, ps. xoxo
ricearoni on 04/24/2009:
Life can get lonely sometimes but if we don't love, respect and take care of ourselves, we will never find anyone else too. Putting yourself first now is a great idea. Keep up your good work.
selina on 04/25/2009:
Hey HoP, glad you had a good day!