saturday morning entry: binge for breakfast: 2750 cal.
700 calorie early dinner. snack foods. nothing too healthy.
3450.
later dinner: ounce wheatgrass, green drink. around 150 i think.
total: 3600. the end.
exercise: on my ass the whole day and 30 minutes/weights at the gym. did write a 10 page term paper today on breast cancer. good stuff - the paper, that is.
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friday afternoon edit:
breakfast: apple, peanut butter: 200
snack: small apple 70
lunch: salad, beans, egg: 220 or so
snack: mcdonalds parfait and kombucha and that's it!!! 260
dinner: carrot chips, big smoothie with cookie dough protein powder, unsweetened almond milk, banana. bit high in calories but nothing terrible 425
total cal today: 1175. sounds about right. no exercise.
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friday morning edit:
last night was complete with vomiting around 4am-5am because i woke up so nauseaus since i was WAY too full for even my own stomach to handle it. haven't had this situation in about a year and i definitely don't want to face it again. defiitely can't be good for my organs...especially in terms of cancer of the esophagous from the vomiting. i MUST try harder.
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thursday late night edit: being so full, i'm going to bed after midnight. i'm stuffed. definitely around 135 lbs by now.
if there's a good reason to lose weight, it would be so my ankle has less pressure on it at work. the excess weight is actually hurting me!
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parents not home, very tired...took it out on food:
4000 calories today. loser! could have done better, obviously.
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breakfast: pb, bread, 1/2 banana. i like this breakfast!! :) and almond milk: 340
snack: very small apple: 50
lunch: subway veggie patty 6 inch. this actually has more calories than most sandwiches there. i took out some of the inside of the bread.around 360
snack: fiber bar (i need it, i'm so bloated from binging so often last week), shot of wheatgrass from a health food store, kombucha. 250
1000 calories so far.
dinner: 1,000...1300
total: 2500
was on my feet all day and my left weak ankle hurts. no gym tonight. gotta improve my strength this year!!!
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
had an egg after my dinner smoothie: total cal are 1360.
if there is one thing i can be thankful for, it is for you guys right now. thanks for leaving me positive, helpful, thoughts and suggestions. they all help. and no, i will NEVER get offended. EVERYTHING is so helpful when i have days like yesterday. so thank you!
basically i'm starting fresh today and trying to work towards a healthier approach in general. again. but never giving up is the trick so i'm ready to start. I turned 26 this month and 26 will be a GOOD year. it's not too late to look the way I WANT TO. maybe it's too late by the wedding i have in 2.5 weeks but it's not too late for life. these are things i don't like to admit, at all.
I have learned a few things (life lessons) in these first 2.5 weeks of my program. Basically, it's ok to make mistakes. Just do it earlier than later!! Then at least you can learn early on. Speak up. Doesn't matter what other people think. really it doesn't. don't be ashamed to try something even if you aren't sure how. that's how i feel. of course i've learned these things before, but they have been demonstrated ten fold during these couple weeks.
breakfast: bread, 1/2 banana, pb: around 280. my stomach was sooo full from last night but i know i needed something substantial. this actually worked really well, surprisingly.
snack: apple. good choice again. wasn't even famished by lunch. 70 again, i was REALLY bloated throughout the whole day. could hardly get the apple down.
lunch: LARGE but healthy wrap. with turkey, mustard, tomato, lettuce. around 450
snack: fiber bar and kombucha drink: 230
dinner: definitely will be a drink that i'll make at home. one cup pumpkin and a serving of protein powder. cinnamon. around 200-250
1280-1300 cal. healthy and there's nothing i can do about yesterday. it's done.
exercise: not in the mood for the gym.....4 mi walk instead.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
yes, binged. calories:
healthy breakfast: 310
snack: 210
lunch: 200
Early large dinner: tomato 30, 2 cucumbers 60, microwave meal 350...dessert of 2 lg pieces chocolate cake 1120, some chocolate pieces 100. almond milk 40...followed by a binge 5 cookies 500. 9 crackers: 210, ice cream 230, cooked fruit: 300...choc. covered pretzel 200, 4 almonds 90?, pieces chocolate 180?...ravioli: 470..gum 35...yogurt
4850 approx.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Better days ahead H_O_P!
To change habits is not an easy thing, but one must NEVER give up trying..One day, it will stick and you will see that YOU CAN/WILL make it..... So much wishful and genuine success is on my want list for you my dear!
To ward off sweets cravings, I SUBSTITUTE with low-cal healthy choices...like if I am craving chocolate candy/cake/cookies, a good way to take care of that craving is hot chocolate with marshmellows...I use the kind that has SUGAR in it and is a total of 120 calories each and I use a big mug to make it in cause that way it lasts longer....Also another thing to SUBSTITUTE for sweets cravings are fruits like grapes...some are only 50 calories per cupful but I happen (wouldn't ya know it?) to like scupanong grapes at 100 calories per cupful which is still pretty okay and filling (if you put grapes in the fridge and make them cold they are better tasting)...
If you are craving salty/crunchy...how about low-fat popcorn??? Lots of fiber there and pretty low-cal, too...
Anyway, that's my say for tonite...take care, dear Friend. Remember, you are fine where you're at now but just thought I'd say all this anyway. SMILE!!! ~Love, Maria
HUGS!
i didn't binge but i also didn't choose the healthiest things. actually, in a way i did...but we had a party today and i wanted to "give in" to everything that tempted me. of course, i could have had one garlic knot...but they were big, doughy, and awesome. and the pizza was excellent. you only live once! :)
breakfast: healthy but not so satisfying: small banana with tbsp pb and almond milk 240.
snack: bar 210 (i like having a bar and will NOT give it up for something else it's also fast and easy during class etc)
lunch: lg piece of pizza with broccoli on it, 2 humongous doughy garlic knots. SELTZER! :) i have NO idea on calories since garlic knot and pizza slice sizes can vary and really affect calories. my guess for total of lunch: 1600?? maybe more,probably not less!
snack: green drink, 1/2 smoothie 200
dinner: apple, other 1/2 smoothie 170
approx. total: 2420. alright. was a good day despite.
exercise: 35 min elliptical, weights, abs.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
breakfast: 2 plums, almond milk: 100
snack: chocolate and nuts/chocolate/caramel, small amount 250
early lunch: green drink, soy smoothie with banana: around 350
snack: DD medium skim milk coolatta: 300 approx.
snack: sugar free slurpie (should not get these!!!), plum, kombucha.140
total: 1140 right now.
dinner: eggplant parm. with cucumber.
total cals around 1550. great!...some bakery stuff: 1850? ok.
5.5 mi walk...maybe a bike ride.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
breakfast: smoothie and 2 cups veggie juice: hopefully not more than 350
snack: 2 tbsp pb 200
lunch: dunkin donuts coffee coolatta with cream because i didn't know that's what they put in it unless you specify until much later today. 575
snack: plum, 1/2 container kombucha: 80
dinner: blended summer squash, tofu, avocado 275...then i also HAD to include a piece of chocolate truffle followed by raisinettes. total 500
total for today: 1705. alright, i'll give myself a break. but i could have done better haha. the extra calories were in the coffee coolatta and ample snacks of peanut butter and treats after dinner. at least a did walk around 4 mi today.
oops, forgot about the other two plums i had after dinner. total today is 1785.
excited for a good day tomorrow. hope you all have a good day too.
weight doesn't come off overnight.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
change of plans: 5500 calories. must get a hold of myself! :) (gonna be ok!)
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B: 2 eggs, avocado, bread: 390
snack: bar 210
lunch: healthy salad with soy chips: 240 approx.
snack: DD smoothie and soy milk and bran crisps. and cereal: 660
dinner: cheesecake 400...plus more...700 done...yes, binged.
total: approx 3,000
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
breakfast: (not a great choice compared to the egg and avocado sandwich) cereal, milk, nuts: 325
snack: bar 180
lunch: 1/2 sandwich 200
big snack: starbuck's spinach and feta wrap with a dunkin donuts reduced calorie smoothie! not too bad on cals. 500 total (hopefully this is accurate!)
total so far: 1205.
dinner: haha. BIG cheesecake (600), 4 pastries (400??), peanut butter (90), chocolate (160).
total: 2355....more chocolate, big pretzel: 200...2655-2700 and hopefully not more.
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
snack before bed: peanut butter, only one tbsp and water. kinda a good idea, actually.
total: 1730. that is quite ok with me! :) it was pretty balanced:
breads: 5
fruit: 2
veggies: 5
dairy: 2
meat/tofu/protein: 4
healthy fat: 2
misc: 2-3
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breakfast: 330 healthy
snack: bar 180
lunch: subway, veggie patty on wheat: around 390
snack: starbucks drink 270.
total so far: 1170
dinner: eggplant parm and salad, kombucha: 460
total: 1630...nothin wrong with that! :)
i will NOT have another snack before the gym or dinner. a 270-300 cal vivanno is more than enough until dinner!!!
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
Your day looks fabulous!
i want to see the breakdown of foods i ate today...so let me see:
grains: 6
veggie:3-4
fruit: 1
meat: 3
dairy/other protein: 2
healthy fat: 1
misc: 2
not bad.
added a couple pickles after gym. i know, weird. 1185 or so. i will get enough SLEEP... so that i can repeat this great day tomorrow...and get a bit more studying in too... :)
breakfast: healthy. avocado and egg on bread, almond milk: 300
snack: bar: 180
lunch: 1/2 sandwich: 200 :)
snack: fruit: 40
dinner: also pretty healthy - DD egg white flatbread, salad, 1/2 cup pumpkin to which i dipped the flatbread into, cup kombucha. 450
total: 1170 nice. hope to keep this up tomorrow.
was at school late...now i should hop on over to the gym to make it a great day!
Progress as of today: -5 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!
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Try drinking some of your calories...at least it is fatfree and will help. Hot chocolate, coffee, sweet tea...it helps a lot. Hope your ankle feels better! Love, Maria
thinnside40 on 09/25/2008:
Hmmmmmmmmmm...Me not like you call yourself "loser"...Nope Nope Nope..That's hogwash!
And what was it that you took out on food...Food doesn't have feelings!!! But, you do and look what it makes you feel like when you are done binging one given day.....
I am serious about a Dr. visit too for a physical... You may just have some kind of inbalance hormonally or otherwise... I may be way off base, but just trying to help you out the best I know how to and hate to see you frustered so much....
selina on 09/26/2008:
HI HOP! You are definetely NOT A LOSER! You are tired because of your work and tiredness can lead to eating, it's very normal. At least it is for me. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you know what triggers it, how to prevent it, etc, etc - it just happens. So, be gentle to yourself - try a bit harder tomorrow - for the sake of your ankles and waistline. Which reminds me, walking with poles would be GREAT for your ankles!!! hehehe - maybe you should join me here and we'd walk together with all those cool/young/fit people - with poles, nonetheless!!! I'd kick your butt! Have a good day!
grumpy on 09/26/2008:
Ah sorry you had a bad day. Let's all be losers together and lose all these extra pounds, ok? You're an awesome, hard working, talented young woman, you just probably need to work on your confidence, i think that's what leads you to binge. Have you ever tried therapy? All my friends keep telling me to go and i don't, but i really should. I did once and wasn't crazy about it, but I am more mature now and I think that should help, really.
Anyway, it is an elvis behind me in the pic. That's hollywood to you. Ha. And yea, i can see the weight loss on these pics too, even though these last ones i posted are not the most flattering ones I have. :)
legcramps on 09/26/2008:
I hear you about the excess weight on the joints thing. My knee has been killing me lately. Stay focused chica. You can do it.
grumpy on 09/26/2008:
Ugh, i know. That does not sound fun, but sometimes a bad experience like that is what it takes to click something inside of us (that goes beyond reason) and then you'll react and do better. Try to think of a really good period you had before, think of how it felt, when you went to bikram, didn't binge, ate healthy, lost weight. Try to focus on how good that felt and do it again. Easier said than done, I know. I try everyday myself too. But, we have to try everyday. Eyes on the prize girl! xo
lafemme_loca on 09/26/2008:
The cherry oatmeal is really good and easy to make, i posted the recipe on Monday I think... or maybe Tuesday... :-) It is just as good as the pumpkin spice oatmeal from last week ! :-)
lafemme_loca on 09/26/2008:
*hugs* I just read your entry. *double hugs* I am soooooo sorry about you wanting to take out everything on food. :-( You aren't a loser... you can lose those pounds and you can succeed in not binging. *triple hugs* As they said up there, keep your eyes on what you want most and not what you want at the moment. Ask yourself, 'why am i eating ?' and if it is anything other than for hunger... go occupy your hands with something else... go for a walk, take a shower, so something good. *quadruple hugs*
thinnside40 on 09/26/2008:
Sounds like Friday is better..... Have a super good weekend!
WI3 on 09/26/2008:
My hope for you is that you do not continue to vomit. You are right, eating yourself sick is not a good idea. But oh how many times I've been there myself without the vomiting..*sigh* I sure do wish I could say something that would be magic and help you through your struggle with binge eating. But I can't. What I can do is tell you that I believe that you will search and find the right key that unlocks the door to the reasons behind this eating, and eventually find that safe place inside of you that allows you to cling to yourself, rather than food. You are one of the sweetest and most honest people on this whole diary board. I have learned a lot from you over the past couple years and you have had a positive influence in my life. I wish I could give you what you want the most, you deserve to be happy, healthy and in control. And I know that once you find your way, you will get what you need in order to get where you want to be. I give you huge HUGE credit for starting over in your life with a different career! I would LOVE to do that, but my fears won't let me..and that is my struggle. Please know that while I cannot empathize with binge eating...I can empathize with the fears that hold us back from getting where we want to be. You are not alone, and you are thought of highly. Rest, find peace, find your serenity. Hang in there.
smiley2 on 09/27/2008:
Hi, i have been where you are now many of times in my life. Its so easy to fall into a habit of binging and self destruction. I found that overeating is connected to a routine, so the first thing you should do is to break your current routine eg go exercise when you feel an urge to eat coming on......good luck, you are a strong person. Wx
greengirl on 09/27/2008:
HoP, you've never been a loser in my book. In fact you have often been a source of inspiration. I'm so happy to be back here, I've missed you all, and you have always been good at giving support to other people. Look after yourself, dearie and try to not eat yourself sick again !!