hello!
i'm soooo glad i'm getting the mri of my ankle tomorrow. i walked 3 miles and had to stop today. it made me sad! i started to feeling a sharp pain in the heal of my foot...and could not continue.
so, i went to try on some clothes today and got a little nervous. haha. nothing fit. it was a spur of the moment shopping...a store on the way home. so, now i know it is really important to work my body...maybe start to swim even though i don't want to. it all takes time... bad thing is, i probably can't swim till my shoulder is fixed! I feel like i'm a 25 year old mess! ha
ummm...hmmm... i ate...it'll be 6 times today. one of them being a diet drink. eh, let's say i had 5 meals.
one was a ton of ice cream from this "healthier" ice cream store called tasti delite. lower cal, but not as low cal as if i could make the ice cream myself. i enjoy their assortment of over 100 flavors and they change each day. 6 flavors a day. so, i had about 30 ounces of ice cream, but that was just 510 calories. get ice cream somewhere else, and it'd be like double the calories for that much ice cream! however, i'll probably order a little less next time.
total calories: 1750
total exercise: 60
aug exercise: 29 hrs, 30 min
Sunday AM edit: for breakfast, my appetite was actually supressed...probably due to the bulk still in my system from last night. sooo...i had two plums and then went out to the stores for the newspapers and grocery shopping.
I bought my next "meal" at a specialty store. It was dried vegetable chips and also a large chocolate chip cookie and a shot of wheat grass. Total calories for that was 315.
then, i thought i was going to go to the boardwalk to take a walk...but got stalled by thinking about jobs and other occupations which i may be good at. i had a discussion with my parents.
after doing more research and sitting around, i was hungry again. I had kelp noodles, two red peppers, a good fiber-filled wrap, and some fried tofu. (all of that for only 410 calories = good and filling). sometimes, i find it easy to binge when i have things like the wrap or the cookie this morning. however, because i have been eating every few hours, it is easier to feel satisfied. also, i had a ton of bulky, filling food!
alright. i'm gonig to clean the bathroom and then i'm off to the park - to read and walk...and bike ride. that's the plan anyway.
i was going to practice...but, you know what? I'm not doing that now. It's not a daytime priority.
BY THIS WAY...THIS IS WHERE MY MOM AND I DIFFER. I TAKE PHYISCAL EXERCISE AND CALORIES AND FOOD PRETTY SERIOUSLY. I EAT A LOT OF STRANGE THINGS. SHE DOESN'T. SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HAVING 'MUSCLE' OR BEING IN A CERTAIN SHAPE. SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I DO. is this because i'm obsessing? or, are we just different? i'm not sure. =================================================================
Saturday Night:
i'm not sure about cals. I went out to dinner. to be safe, hopefully saying 2050 calories is a good estimate. goodnight, all!
so today has been an overall good day.
lol, i finally put away all the laundry that has been sitting around in the basement. i still need to clean the bathroom. I'll do that tomorrow morning.
now, i'm going to practice the french horn...i don't want to, but i have to. i have to until i know for sure that i am not continuing to teach music. I will be writing more about this in days to come...
i've eaten 5 mini-meals today...with one more tonight at the Grand Lux Cafe. there is hardly anything healthy on their menu...and i'm not kidding. all of the choices are irrestable. of course, you can make things healthier by request. ehh. i'm not into that. their summer rolls look good and i'll order steamed vegetables on the side.
meals:
breakfast was around 435 cal. (egg whites and oatmeal, plums...something else, but can't remember what...)
snack: 180 or so (seaweed, chicken, drink...weird mix)
snack: 230 (marathon bar and energy drink)
snack: 450 (large amount of lo cal ice cream)
snack: 120 (3 vegetables, one fruit)
I think i do best with 6 meals a day. It's just hard to resist the temptation to eat a lot at one of them...making it hard to eat 6 times if you are going to overeat.
so far:
exercise: 70 min (3.5 miles...my ankle kept hurting!)
calories: 1450. if i eat the summer rolls and vegetables tonight, i'll be good. if i order a dessert or anything else on the menu, it'd be easier to go way over 2000 for the day...
total exercise in aug: 28 hrs, 30 min
so, i would like to get into swimming as there is a pool near me that i can use year round free of charge. BUT, I DON'T love swimming! Nope. I don't like wearing a bathing suit. but, it'd be great for my ankle...no pressure. and great for my health. arg! so not a fan of the pool. not at all. but, i guess i'm willing to overcome it for my health! it's such a good workout...i bet it would be fun to do, especially in the winter!! I could maybe do that and yoga. that's it. i haven't restarted yoga yet, not until i'm more set on my future and what's going on in the fall.
as for tomorrow: clean bathroom, pratice horn - yuck, bike ride at park, supermarket/get newspapers, walk at park. that's it lol. i'm trying to not give myself a thousand things to do if i don't have to.
today was in fact a much better day. It was a little rocky food-wise in the AM, but got better...probably because i got busier throughout the day.
anyways, i went to the boardwalk with a friend and got some good exercise in...followed by a little more later in the evening. sadly, i'm going to have to seriously watch the amount of stress i'm putting on my ankle, because i can see it's in bad shape. luckily, the MRI is Monday...that's good. then, i'll know what's wrong...or not wrong. hopefully, it can be FIXED.
today's calories: 1750 (i had actually planned on 2,000...i think i will, for now on, wake-up with the 2,000 calorie notion in my head...)
today's exercise: 2 hrs.
total Aug. exercise: 27 hrs, 20 min
Friday AM:
breakfast = 500 calories (around 8am) (oatmeal and egg whites mixed and microwaved, sugar free syrup, yogurt smoothie with hot chocolate mix, 4 plums.
Snack at 9:30 am = 485 calories (peanut butter sandwich, yogurt, hot chocolate)
=====================================================================
Thursday:
today's cals: 2240. yucky. I sat around ALL day...except for the 5 mile walk i took. I am not sure if i could have actually burned that many calories today. It would be nice...a fast metabolism is a good thing...
exercise today: 100 min (5 miles)
total aug. exercise: 25 hrs, 20 min
so, today, the physical therapist biller called to tell me that i can't go there anymore unless i want to pay a 50 dollar copay, instead of 20 dollars because of the CRAPPY insurance program i have. It's really bad insurance, for people who make really low salaries...actually, if you make over like 2,000 a month, you can't even have this insurance.
anyways, the orthopedist that sent me to this physical therapy place is one of the best around. so, i asked them what exactly was necessary in order for me to continue going there, etc. turns out the biller talked it over with her boss and because they do so much business with my orthopedist, they are going to do a favor for me and just charge me the 20 per visit...and not 50.
after having to deal with all that today...i felt literally like a nothing, a nobody. no money. no job. i can't even get good medical coverage. the only reason i was able to see this awesome orthopedist is because his dad had worked with my dad for years...and they're good friends. the orthopedist doesn't accept my crappy insurance...but did it as a favor to me.
LIFE is really terrible.
I know it could be worse...but i feel very much in the dumps...
You know, it's not your fault about the insurance or the job situation. It is a precarious -- ok, it stinks -- economic situation we have right now. I am grateful that you have insurance at all, and that your doctor will cut you a break. You must keep faith that things will get better for you. I know they will; the opportunity will come by for you yet.
Thursday, 2:10pm: 1980 calories so far...
Thursday AM edit: breakfast = 780 calories (at least they were majorly filling!)
oh my...i just had over 1,000 calories more...and it's 10:23am...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Wednesday:
calories: 2550
total workout time today: 2 hrs (walked 6 miles (3 in the morning, 3 in the evening)...my ankle was huring soooo bad by the end.)
total aug workout time: 23 hrs, 40 min.
i slept horribly last night...not getting enough sleep. i told myself that the next time i felt the need to get up early to eat (and binge since my body shouldn't otherwise be up that early!) that I would just meditate/pray until the feeling subsides...even if it takes an hour. I didn't do that...and i binged this morning on about 1955 calories...i actually did get a bad stomachache...although just for a short while.
total calories: 2550. It's good i'm getting in lots of cardio...although now my ankle is bothering me more (the weak one). my other ankle has never bothered me, thankfully.
it's like, once you get hurt once, it's all downhill forever! haha. i mean this in terms of all health: one you get one cavity, a couple more pop up. once you hurt one muscle, another gets hurt... or, that's just life.
i actually feel a little sickly, like i have the chills. I'm tired. but i need to practice the horn a little...if i don't, i'm going to get really bad and sometimes - most times - i have to play at interviews. so, i can't be really bad.
i'm loving my book on CD which i tranfered to my ipod. the reader talks slow, but it doesn't bother me. I'm really into it. sadly, two of the 8 CDs are scratched...so there will be some of the book i will not get to hear on tape...but it's only a little, little bit. so, that's why i'm still going to listen to the rest of the book.
alight....i was just on the phone for longer than i thought....so even though i said i was going to practice horn...now i'm not. ii'm too tired. i'm going to read for a few minutes and go to sleep. it's 9:09. I feel so completely worn out.
goodnight.
better calories tomorrow. all my clothes are getting tighter...and i've just been wearing workout clothes...my jeans and t-shirts and dress clothes (teaching stuff) are even worse...and if i did i have to start teaching tomorrow....i'd have to buy like all new clothes.
because i don't know what my job situation is...and because it's so up in the air, i've done NO clothes shopping this summer. in general, i've spent little money on new clothes. which is fine by me. when you don't have an income, you can't spend it on everything...you have to make choices.
ok, enough blabbing from me. goodnight.
biscotti, thanks for your genuine comment today. I will comment more on your diary about it tomorrow.
Wednesday: Breakfast = 1955 calories. ummm, it included some indian bread, yogurt, plum, sugar free hot chocolate mix, 2 bread with peanut butter and a fried tofu thing, 2 servings tortilla chips, 2 high far blueberry muffins of which i guessed the calories for. ouch. I really don't understand why i can't just stop this!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Tuesday:
today was a MUCH better day, calorwise and exercise wise!
i had an ample breakfast, 950 calories.
but, i made it through the day pretty well in the end.
Total calories: 1650
total aug exercise: 21 hrs, 40 min!!! Loving it!
exercise: 80 min in the am ( 4 miles) + 60 min in pm...i think! LOL, i forgot what time a started going around a track this evening...and i forgot how many times i went around the track. i forgot if it was 2 or 3 miles!!! so annoying. However, i'm almost positive it was 3. that means i did 7 (hopefully not 6!) miles today! good stuff.
I love being outside and with nature. It's so great. I do miss yoga...and i think in a month or so i will take it again...BUT, only once a week for stretching. I can't commit to it more than that. I would rather work on my cardio endurance!
I went to the orthopedist today. BAD news! I tore my rotator cuff in my shoulder! At first, i didn't want to mention it, since i was really there to talk about my ankle! but, my shoulder had been bothering me for TWO WEEKS straight...and i can't believe it was this bad. I had to get a cortisone shot and now i will be going to phyiscal therapy for SIX weeks. i think, that is, depending on my first appointment tomorrow. also, i will be getting an mri for my ankle...which is still NOT healed and it's been six years since i broke it.
I am very lucky, the doctor i went to is VERY GOOD. he sees major athletes! my dad's friend is the doctor's father...and my insurance is usually not even accepted there! but, he saw me and took my insurance because his dad and my dad are friends.
tomorrow, i plan on more exercise.
i rented books on cd so that i can put them on my ipod...and i rented some paperback books as well! I'm enjoying my "vacation." although, who knows how long it will last. :( You never know when a job interview will pop up...AND if i will even get a job. if not, i will substitute teach and go back to school. final. the end.
Tuesday edit:
breakfast = 950, good, but many calories. However, I plan on 800 calories for the rest of the day. This would add up to 1750 total, which wouldn't be bad.
Today I am picking up my paper from my professor, going to an orthopedist, getting a pedicure before the appointment, exercising, practicing horn for about 1.5 hours, goign to the library to get 2 books (with my free time i'e been reading lately and finished two good books: angels and demons (by the same author who wrote the davinci code; and another good book that was recommended in a magazine)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Monday:
calories = 4370 oh well. i will try again...i think i was going through some sorta withdrawal from sugar today and obviously i caved in!
exercise: NONE total exercise in august: 19 hrs, 20 min
these past 2 days i've had trouble sleeping, waking up between 2-4 hours ealier than i should have. today was worse, waking up before 5am! I think it had to do with sugar cravings and mental things like that. actually, i'm not kidding. i know i'm addicted to food and its affects.
i tried to stop myself and didn't actually eat anything for at least an hour...while trying to go back to sleep, as well. unfortunately, i didn't try hard enough and DID end of BINGING on 1810 worth of calories between the hours of 6am and 7am.
Do I let it destroy me, no!
I think that the next time this happens, i will try some sort of meditation. I am serious.
Maybe just opening my mind, thoughts, and body will help me get through my strongest desires to binge.
this was day #3 out of 10. I am not done...and even though I "failed," it's not that end of it.
I'm making a good effort to eat both before and after exercise!
Last edit, 8:55pm:
today's WONDERFUL exercise: 2 hrs 20 min (bike, walk, 1 mile jog)
total aug exercise: 19 hrs, 20 min
calories: 1370.
i didn't plan well. however, at least i got a lot of physical activity in! And, intead of doing some strange dinner, I stuck to microwavable dinner portions.
I went to the park twice today (it's really close). First, I did 3.5 miles with a friend. Then, I went back and rode my bike, did a one mile jog, and then a little more biking. It was a great day. The weather and the shade and breeze were amazing. GREAT day. ----------------------------------------------------------
4:38pm:
arg. I did in fact get a little off with the calories. I got hungry and gave in around 4pm. I had been snacking on like 4 plums since 3pm, but they were no help. So, i added a red pepper and a chicken sandwich around 4:15.
calories will definitely be over 1000. they are 1060 right now. however, i should not and will not give up on today. Calories will be below 1400 for today and i will continue to have any lean cuisine i want for dinner, no matter what the calories.
i will not be limiting my lean cuisine choices by calories anymore. yesterday i did, in order to not go over 1,000 calories. lol, as long as i make it through 10 days without "giving up," that's what i'm looking to do.
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3:00pm:
i got a little off track today...because i woke up starving and majorly early. i've been having sleeping problems the past 2 weeks. but, calories were still be right. i'm working hard to maintain my progress. 10 days.
i have faith in myself. At the moment, i am under far less stress...although, my face/acne is still clearing. i hadn't broken out in months...but, the stress of the end of grad school and my last summer classes brought it all upon me again! so, hopefully my face will be all better in a week or so.
since i'm under far less stress..and i don't have to take any more classes just yet...i can focus on finding a focus...lol...
i can set physical fitness goals and health goals. I want to reach my goals and change my body these last 5 years of my 20's. i wasn't able to focus on that from 20-24. turning 25, i want it to be about me. i'm an independant person. this is what i want.
today i went to the park with a friend of mine. we walked 3.5 miles. whenever i walk mileage, i record it as 20 minutes per mile, even though usually i walk a little slower. so, the total so far is 70 minutes! oh yeah! i'm going back for more later and i'm bringing my bike. yesterday, i walked a total of 7 miles! fantastic!
Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
Sometimes a little thing like getting up late can derail a whole day. Don't let that happen to you. You can do this!!!
hi! ok, plan went well today. however, i'm changing it slightly. it'll still be 1,000 calories. Breakfast will be a little smaller so that i can have 3 snacks, instead of two everyday. therefore, i'll be eating 3 meals and 3 snacks: eating 6 times a day instead of 5.
i think i ate a little over 1,000 today. so, i'll record it as 1010. lol, it was a large red pepper that did it.
calories: 1010
exercise: 140 minutes (2 hrs, 20 min!) all cardio
total aug exercise: 17 hrs!
Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
======================================================
Good Morning, Saturday morning:
So far, so good. I have had breakfast as well as my first snack. I may have the two snacks and then lunch, rather than with lunch inbetween beceause of my schedule. As long as I stick to the meals, that's my only goal for these 10 days. ====================================================== 55 min exercise
total aug: 14 hrs, 40 min
ok, I have a 10 day plan for myself. I will succeed. I am a smart, intelligent person. I have a lot of knowledge of nutrition. I have planned satisfying meals. there is not reason why i can't succeed. after 10 days, i'm upping my calories and keeping my exercise up. after this plan, I am going to do alternate days of 1700 and 2000 calories per day...and see what happens.
my plan: 1,000 calories per day. (10 days.) now, i know its difficult, but after binging for 6 days straight on a range of 2000-4200 calories, this will be doable. it's 10 days. that's it. after that, i will have 1700 calories the next day. followed by 2000 the day after. then, 1700 again. and so on.
the plan, finally: Breakfast: egg whites, toast, plum.
snack: light and fit yogurt, plum or another fruit.
lunch: wheatgrass shot, shirataki noodles, any lean cuisine meal
snack: light and fit yogurt and a fruit.
dinner: wheatgrass shot, shirataki noodles, any lean cuisine meal.
now, what's good about the plan: It allow for a VARIETY of food in lunch and dinner. I sometimes have had problems with variety. It gives reasonable carbs, proteins, fats. It can be filling and offers voluminous serving. Like, it's not cakes and pies or heavy meats and sauces. it's portion controlled.
negatives: low in calories. salty lean cuisines lead me to have cravings for sweets. i need to get through 10 days. I have to remain in control, because i feel as though i have lost all control these past 6 days!
please give me your input.
shirataki noodles have "no" calories. they are all fiber, from a yam. look them up online, miraclenoodles is the brand. by adding them into a lean cuisine, the meal becomes more filling because there is more to be eaten!
next, i've been applying to music jobs. we'll see what happens in the next few weeks of summer. If i don't get a job, i'm moving on...to start another career. however, i do know that teaching pays a good salary and summers are "off." so, if it works out, it works out. A career is not my life...and whatever it is i do, what i want most is to be able to live out my life...exercise and enjoy nature and all those kind of things, along with my career. so far, i haven't been able to do that...probably because of school and working on my degree while working.
as long as i can reach my goals and fitness potential, i'm happy. I don't want my progress hindered beceause i don't have enough time to exercise and be healthy. i obviously need to work on my habits with eating and consuming food in a healthy manner. the less stress, the better.
in many ways, i hope teaching doesn't work out. in some ways, i hope it does. there are other jobs i probably could get right now, but they wont pay as much. and, i need to be able to support myself. that's a big factor in all of this. my mom mentioned "billing" but i don't know how serious she is. she's not a supporter of me changing careers. also, you really don't need schooling to be a medical biller. so, i really don't know! however, if it pays decently, then i'd look into it.
i need less stress in my life. whatever it takes.
1600 calorie breakfast followed later by "lunch":
1. taco bell grilled stuffed burrito: 700 2. large slice of pizza with eggplant and ricotta: 1,000 3. Starbucks blended drink: 160 3. starbucks muffin: 420 4. starbucks blueberry coffee cake: 310
total so far: 4190
all that taco bell and pizza and starbucks was eaten together, once after the next. my stomach is majorly full!
my favorite part was taco bell.
Progress as of today: 0.4 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
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Your Aug. exercise numbers are very impressive! WTG!
Donkey on 08/20/2007:
Good luck on the MRI today!!! I hope you get some resolution to the ankle problem soon. I empathize on the shoulder situation too. My shoulder has never been the same since a year ago, from incorrect weight training.
I don't blame you about swimming (or rather, not swimming). Swimming is not my favorite thing to do either. However, if it were the only thing I could do, would I do it? I don't know...
Anyway, let us know how the MRI goes!! Good luck again!!!