this morning i went into see my grandmother bc she was sobbing a bit missing her husband. but then she stayed in bed a bit more as I got up and had breakfast.
breakfast: bread, avocado, hard boiled egg sandwich, peach, small glass almond milk: 350.
lunch: (MUST have good carbs after yoga)smoothie from Starbucks :) followed by a pickle and some sweet peppers at home. 300
total so far: 650
snack: kiwi and some bran crackers: 100
dinner: 2 pcs chicken, sauteed string beans, a red pepper, fruit salad. totally not sure on calories. guess: at most 650-700.
total calories: 1300-1400. good.
I'm going to yoga this morning and then probably some errands later. A walk tonight with my Uncle. Today nobody will be coming to the house bc it's a day of rest. I need to get a few last things done before going back to school for my first day on Monday. Sunday we will have people over and Monday/Tuesday (my bday) people may stop by but i will also be in school.
Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
thank you all so much for your condolences. the ceremony went well today. i didn't speak at it, but my sister, dad, uncle, and grandmother all did. i am kinda shy for public speaking and i knew i wouldn't feel comfortable up there. i didn't feel bad about it at all, bc everyone pays their respects differently.
breakfast: avocado and hb egg sandwich, fruit, almond milk 350.
lunch: coldcuts, deli stuff: 450?? can't really imagine more.
snack: cereal w. almond milk, and drink with special k protein powder in my water, and strawberries: 260 yup.
total so far: 660...i'll round to 700.
dinner: egg, MANY tomatoes, balsamic vinegar, 2 interesting green dumplings, and some cooked chinese broccoli and other veggies in sauce. Hopefully not more than 650.
total around 1300-1350 today.
walked 4 mi in evening with my uncle.
Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
i apoligize if anyone was offended by what i said earlier today in this entry.
anyways, things are alright by me with my family here. i'll be going to bed shortly. we have the funeral tomorrow. i have not chosen to make a speech...i'd be very uncomfortable doing that. my sister, dad, and possibly uncle will say a few words.
eating went well. approx 1500-1700 calories.
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1 pc bread, poached salmon, and avocado sandwich,plums, almond milk: 550?
Grandfather passed away today. He was a healthy man up until when one of his toes got badly infected. By healthy, I mean he was NEVER on ANY medications or life support. He died at the age of 97. He had a very strong heart. I haven't seen him for a long time - only my dad would visit him in the nursing home. So tomorrow is the funeral and my grandmother, sister, and uncle will be staying at my house the next few days.
I have a short while today pretty much to get ready for my school...I need to pick up some clothes BADLY. i gained some weight back and i need all clothes that fit...as well as black clothing for the ceremony. then, supposedly there'll be shiver (however you spell it) at my house for a week...but my school starts Monday which i obviously cannot miss. life's interesting.
(OF COURSE EXERCISE IS ****ING ONHEARD OF RIGHT NOW - AND WHO KNOWS THE REST OF THE FREAKIN WEEK!!!!!!!!! - UNLESS I WAKE UP AT 5AM BUT STILL THAT WOULDN'T BE PLAUSABLE...NOT LOOKING FOWARD TO SEEING EVERYONE WITH MY FAT SELF) ANGRY. MOM DOESN'T GIVE A **** IF I EXERCISE OR NOT. PISSED OFF. I DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY FREAKIN CLOTHES FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS FOR SCHOOL BEFORE I START WEARING THE UNIFORM AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET THEM SINCE I DIDN'T EARLIER THIS WEEK. I'M SOOOO ANGRY. SO INSTEAD OF GOING TO THE GYM THIS MORNING I HAVE TO RUSH TO FIND CLOTHES. THERE'S NOT EVEN A WORD I CAN USE TO DESCRIBE HOW MISERABLE AND UPSET AND ANGRY I AM. YEAH, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME EITHER. I KNOW. I'M JUST PISSED. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND MY ANNOYING MOTHER AT ALL. IT'S NOT EVEN HER DAD. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD BUSY EVEN MEANS TO THINK THAT PREPARING FOR THIS FUNERAL IS A HUGE ORDEAL WHEN IT COULD BE A LOT DIFFERENT.
Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
P.S. I ate an avacado last night and thought of you. I liked them, but don't usually eat them. What do you put on them to jazz them up a little?
concerning your mom, I agree with grumpy. Stay well!
Sorry to hear of the family loss...
ready for a new day to begin on Thursday :)
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BIG EDIT: no more stupid fad diets. i cannot stick with it. it was dumb trying. so, carbs are back. so is milk. etc. dumb move to exclude anything. i did it once and really have no urge to ever do it again anytime in the near future.
soooo...lunch was a BIG BINGE: total calories for today: a whopping 4500. are my goals to lose weight over, no way.
with a weight of about 130, my goal is to lose between 4-8 (probably not 8) pounds a month. by October 11th (only about FIVE weeks away!!!) I could possibly lose around 5-10 lbs. not as much as i want but then again i binge whenever i want lately. so, it's not like the food is magically going to fly off me. arg.
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Am I allowed to post 129 from all the sweating after yoga??? yes, I'm changing 130 to 129! haha.
i weighed in this morning and to my dismay I'm only ONE pound lighter than yesterday's afternoon weight. ugh.
Breakfast: poached salmon and a big tomato: around 300-350.
Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
I would try not to restrict my calories but rather eat foods that are healthy, and see where that takes you for the rest of the week.
Are you drinking enough water? For me, when I do not drink enough water, things tend to start getting bingey.
had one of thos Special K water packets, pink lemonade. i bought two small boxes of them so I'm not throwing them out. figured I'd use it. in general, i'm not having a lot of artificial sugars though.
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i stepped on the scale and got kinda freaked out. 131 lbs. wow! not good at all. i didn't think i was higher than 130. well, at least it's the afternoon and not the morning without any food in me. not good though. i will update this weight now.
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back in Dec. 2006 i weighed 105 for a brief while...quickly going back up to 112-113. so, my goal is to get down to the 112-113 weight eating a plant and protein based diet.
i have not updated my weight and it is up a bit these past two weeks. by up i mean closer to 130lbs. i haven't weighed and will not weigh. I know what I need to do to lose the weight and a scale doesn't have to confirm it for me right now. I do NOT want to put a higher number up so I guess I'll have to lose the weight. I have chosen a new approach - actually an old approach that I took 1.5 years ago in order to lose weight FAST in one month for a vacation. low carb, protein and veggies, and healthy fats. If anyone remembers GG on here, this was her diet. Speaking of her, I hope she is ok and doing well. Anyways, I don't plan on sticking with only veggies and proteins for life at all. But i will keep it enforced until I begin school and probably through the first week if not more.
Breakfast: salad with lettuce mix/tomato, olive oil, hard boiled egg. felt good after having this! :) calories approx. 230
early lunch: healthy salad with olive oil an egg and a tomato..followed by 1/2 a jar of pb!...and deli chicken and turkey (moving on...and yes this was too much food!) approx. a big lunch of 1700 oops.
snack: 2 red peppers, 1/4 avocado, piece tofu: 220
total so far: 2150. i guess i'll save the salmon for dinner another night. I'm going to try and just have about 100-150 more calories today. probably in the form of a protein shake.
late dinner: protein shake 100-150 calories and that is all.
total calories today: about 2250-2300.
Progress as of today: -6 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
The hardest thing I did this weekend was to take my hands off my relationship with Brian. The feeling of trying to control him and turn him around to me was so strong. But in letting go, I got him back. And controlling my environment is truly a symptom of a dysfunctional environment. But it doesn't have to be alcohol or drugs or whatever. I hope you have a great day and thank you for always being a good soul =)
You will do great with your new plan!
when living with others, i also live with food temptations. that's why i'm not allowing those temptations for at least a month. if i want it, i just cannot take it. period. actually, i'll say if it is unhealthy more than it is healthy, i will not be allowed to touch it. that's the goal.
total calories: approx. 2220.
not terrible but definitely too high for my activity level which consisted of sitting on my ass the whole day except for a quick mile i walked. i'm not complaining though. i fully intend to be back on track tomorrow - especially with mom and dad back to work. :)
i do admit i probably spent too much time alone today though, once my mom, dad, and sister went to the beach. next summer i would like to go to the beach on a regular basis if i can manage to get in shape. the good thing about the beach (there are many) is that it would get me out of the house for the entire day. however, if i have to pay for it, i will have to think about it. we'll see. i guess it's not important right now.
my plan is yoga tomorrow. i want to cancel my wax appt and gyno appt because i'm feeling crappy but that's not the right idea. so, i'll keep them...and pray TOM doesn't come on Thursday!
thanks for not giving up on me...i haven't either. i briefly was watching some videos of myself last summer when i was around 112-113 and boy did i look adorable! lol. need to get back to that. i miss it VERY much.
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ok, another new day today. filled with my mom waking up in the morning with a loud mouth to my dad. of what she said i have no idea because i wasn't really listening. just complaints.
large, but satisfying breakfast: cup of fiber one, small whole banana, almond milk, lots of pb on a big spoon: 600.
NO ARTIFICIAL SUGARS TODAY. WATER.
snack: lots pb on a bran cracker 500...fiber one w. milk: 670
lunch: turkey sandwich, chips, plum: 670 also.
total so far: 1940.
leave house and read at park...then walk later.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
anyway, thanks for the compliment, it's actually a shirt and i were tight jeans. i am still a little self conscious of the tight jeans but i am getting better at not caring. hehe.
you should talk to loveray about it, she also has a hard time putting herself out there socially at times and she and i were talking about this on sat. her post today is actually about this. xoxox
Hope your Tuesday is a good one!
had something else, had everything else: 6,000 calories today. i am having a very tough time although i thought i was out of it already and binged horriby this afternoon. 3 slices pizza, tons of pie, and lots of other things. i know where i want to be but i am having MAJOR trouble getting there.
i like loveray's challenge too. sorry you guys have to read this.
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1pm edit: no plans this holiday weekend except to try and relax. it's sorta working but not with my mom yelling and screaming for no reason! actually, she was arguing bc my dad brought home pizza he thought she'd like but it was warm and not hot. and, she was complaining that my sister got home too late and she wanted to already leave for the beach. and that my sister ate food she was saving for dinner and that she ruined her plans. she is sooo annoying! can't wait till these two days are over and she is back to work while i have my week off.
lunch: tofu 1pc, olive oil 1tbsp, romaine, large plum tomato, small apple: approx. 340. may reach for something else but it will be low carb.
total so far: 1505.
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breakfast: nectarine, huge protein bar, pb sandwich, almond milk: 780....extra pb: 1150
yoga later and a walk or gym.
during yoga: water mix: 15...1165
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
As for TOM ~ To tell you the truth, I don't keep track either!....I do have it on one of my zillion calendars around here, if I were to have to really need to know.... I have my appointment Sept 22nd and know I will be safe, unless something strange happens... I just know that mine is within the next week most likely...Just "SIGNS" are the mood swings & short temper......
calories are about 2265 today.
ok...come time for my friend's wedding, i WILL be ----en 15 lbs less. I WILL weigh in the 110-120 range. NO more Freekin excuses darn it! I am too young to look like this. OR, I'm worth much more than I'm putting out. SICK of it. I have to go the low carb way for now. It'll speed up weight loss and I plan on sticking with it. Carbs will be moreso from fruits/veggies than grains. Healthy oils. less calorie counting, more focus on health. and NO bars this week. NO matter what.
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for the 1000th time, i'm ready to grow up. no more stupid food games. my favorite quote of the year:
"If it were easy, everyone could do it."
This quote is really good for any of life's complications and hardships. It may be difficult, but a challenge is a challenge and that's why it's hard to succeed. It should be. So is my case - with my occupation and with my diet. Of course, moreso with diet right now.
snack cal: 100
dinner calories: 205.
total so far: 2145. I can go up to 2250 for today. Then, i plan on a low carb - produce only diet for the week to look my best for the start of my program.
remember, if it were easy, everyone would do it.
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1820 cal and its only 10am. no yoga today. reading right now for my program which starts in one week.
feeling self conscious.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
i binged. expected - usually happens when i end something (like a last day of work, etc). so, calories are 2600 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
ok, i'm exhausted and NEED a nap. no yoga. but i will stop by the gym later.
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pretty good day so far.
one mile walk during work since we didn't have lunch so i couldn't walk then. we got out early instead! :) and, it was my LAST DAY! wahoo! because this week i'm on VACATION instead of working up until the last minute before i go back to school! wahoo for relaxation and doctor's appointments and whatever else i need to do to get ready. unfortunately, this will involve a LITTLE shopping. i don't want to, but we can't wear our uniforms until the 3rd week...so i need to dress nicely. It's the rest of my life that this xray program is preparing me for.
will bike ride to yoga today.
then, yoga tomorrow morning and sunday morning. then, next week i will TRY for yoga 2x per day when i can.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
after a binge day, it is almost impossible for me to get right back on track. (hehe, another reason not to binge in the first place!) however, i have now pretty much recovered and i'm looking foward to my week off.
total calories for today will be: 1670 to 1700 cal!! well done, jackie! :)
dinner will be eggplant rollettes by cedarlane (microwavable) and a humungous cucumber...and a small amount of lettuce. followed by some mints.
calories are not bad at all. i had a lot of fruit when i got home from work...and now i'm going out for a bike ride! i snacked on a large plum and two large apricots.
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doing ok. woke up STARVING and bloated all at the same time! and exhausted.
calories ok. lots of coffee at work with no sugar added almond milk.
more to come.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
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I did not have the opportunity to express my sympathies to you in your time of loss. I am sorry for the sadness in your family, but somewhat relieved that services (shiva) have passed and you survived. I think it's OK not to speak at the service. Silence is the first language of God. I wish more people would be silent more often... There is sacredness to silence, I think.
So just in case I forget or do not have time, I want to wish you a Happy Birthday early. And the best present of all is the one that you're giving yourself: an education to do a career that you will like (if not love). Nothing more fulfilling in life than a purpose.
Thinking of you today and always...
thinnside40 on 09/06/2008:
RE:"i see you are subsisting on bars today! Interesting...maybe a lot of sugar?"
Actually the breakfast (Khashi Cookie) was 5g sugar and the dinner was 7g of sugar (Khashi Bar).....I did better on not really being hungry yesterday than I have done in a long time... I do eat a lot of things with Splenda and trying to reduce that a bit.....Yesterday was an "off" day with how busy I was and I am so pre-occupied mentally with my g'ma & SIL health issues right now, maybe it is a good thing for me to really just kind of "not" pay attention so much what I am going to eat the next snack/meal and eat what seems to sound good (healthy of course, but maybe not a "meal" type food )... If I do think about it too much right now, then I will eat too much from stress, anger, being blue, etc.........
Have a good day & fun @ yoga!
grumpy on 09/06/2008:
Aw sorry your grandma was sad, but must be good for her to have you around. as for moving away, i dont know girl, seems like it's so important to you that maybe there's a way to pull it off. you're so smart and talented, i am sure you can think of something you could do on your spare time for extra money. how about school dorms? and also sharing a place with a couple of others. i have friends in school who can live pretty cheap. think about that. xoxo
Moody2 on 09/06/2008:
So sorry to hear about your grandpa~its never an easy thing to go through..I'm glad that you are there for your grandma~blessing to you and your family~
loveray on 09/06/2008:
i hope you are hanging in there- thinking of you!! xo
selina on 09/06/2008:
Take care HOP - it's going to be nice to go to school - new friends, academic environment, new clothes, new schedule to follow. Enjoy each new thing!
Animob on 09/07/2008:
Aw... What a nice granddaughter you are... Hope Your granma is ok now. :) Sounds like your doing great with your food intake.. Ahhh.. Yoga... Nice one! :) Take care! :)