Saturday: binged in AM. 1550. binged rest of say...update later.
Friday:
it's midnight. my stomach is full but i just woke up and haven't eaten for awhile. so i had turkey on this white wrap that was in my house. 250 cal.
4250 cal.
i just couldn't hold out long enough. i binged this morning and this afternoon. last binge before today was was tuesday, oct 23rd. 10 days apart.
25 min AM walk. 25 min exercise. blah.
total November: 1hr, 40 min.
well, i binged bc of the usual stresses along with what i talked about yesterday in my diary.
i just need to chill tonight. to read, to relax, to think.
4 days of 1500 should undo this bad day. however, i'm not going to force myself to do 1500 cal days, 4 in a row, although this is what i would like. If i did, this wishfull thinking would turn bingy for sure.
at first, i thought i'd be going on a date this weekend. Last night i knew that wasn't happening bc we couldn't make plans because of phone tag. Because of that, i felt like i could binge bc i don't need to dress up this weekend at all. lol.
Friday morning edit:
Slight binge this morning at 4am...couldn't sleep. i was thinking about what is mentioned in this entry. 1100 cal for breakfast. however, i will adjust calories today so i am not inclined to feel like i'm starving myself later in the day. Calories will be 2200-2500 total today.
Thursday entry:
shiiiiiit. i had 180 more calories before bed bc i went to bed late staying up waiting for a phone call.
a cool 1560 :)...changed to 1740 cal.
exercise: a cool hour and 15 min!!!
25 min am, 25 min afternoon, 25 min pm :) (all slow to moderate walking!) and, good exercise throughout day at work. ahhh. feels nice.
my goal for November exercise is 40 hours. October's total was 37 hours, 25 min.
...I've got BIG problems heading down the pike...I can totally feel it!!! I will write more about this either tonight or this weekend. It has to do with final decisions on becoming a music teacher. I'm doing a good job as a teaching assistant in reading...but there may be an opening for music in the district THIS year. I don't know much else, but I have not told any of the teachers my ideas on going to Radiographic Technology School because its TOO early in the year to bring it up. Also, bringing something up like that makes me look like I don't want to work with these kids at all...and that is not the impression i want to give of myself - especially not in the month of November, so far from June. There are soooo many more months to go of school...and soooo many more things I need to take care of and make decisions about.
I haven't played my french horn, my main instrument, since July. I don't miss it. I may have to actually turn down a band job in the district if I am asked if I want it. And why? Because if its not what i want to do, i'm not doing it.
Also, every teacher with think i'm a complete nutcase when i turn it down. I may have to actually speak to a bunch of people if i actually do get offered any position. This is probably all a rumor. Hopefully.
I hope its a rumor because i don't want to make the choice.
My intent was to pay for 2 years of education to get liscensed as a radiographist. When a teacher pulled me aside today and mentioned this music thing to me and how she's not at liberty to say anything else, it made me SICK. Then, a friend of mine, who teaches general music in the school, walked by. I actually had to go talk to her i was so upset because now my intent has been messed with! haha. i told my friend why I was soo upset. But, i cannot mention it to any other teacher in the school. its my secret (the fact that i'm looking to move to the health field). A secret that is hard to keep, for sure! No other teacher, except for two assistants that i know well, knows anything about my other desires. It is VERY hard to look enthusiastic about something that I think will end: my days as a music educator. actually, i thought they were over until this morning.
ugh.
calories are going to be about 1500 and i'm going for a walk. one last update later.
Really hard to say which way to choose. Are you accepted already into a radiology program? Have you been offered the music job yet? If not, you might be worrying for nothing if they don't offer it to you.
Keep in mind that you need to do what makes you happy. Really, life sucks if you are at a job you do not enjoy.
total exercise in October was 37 hours and 25 min :)
tomorrow WILL be a better eating day. today was stinky.
Happy Halloween.
alright, i added two yogurts to my dinner.
calories were 1560...total is about 1720 now. i'm trying hard to not eat any candy. it's almost bedtime...candy will do me NO good!
today was soooo weird, to say the least. haha. i'm not going into detail bc i am sooo tired.
i almost had a binge after school! thank god for the healthy vegetables that i bought...they TOTALLY helped to prevent it!
this morning was bingy as well. ahhh. but, when i look at the scale, and see that the numbers have NOT decreased at all, I feel MUCH less tempted to overindulge.
25min exercise in AM (i decided to do 25 instead of 20 today...instead of starting tomorrow!) and now 35 min.
today's exercise: 1 hr.
exercise was interesting. I did 20 min walking in the morning, as per usual. Then, I walked to my car after school which took 25 min. Then, I finally dropped my medical forms off at the hospital so that i can FINALLY start volunteering. WOW! The process took TWO MONTHS! I'm soooo glad that's over. If all works out, i'll start volunteering THIS weekend. I'm thinking like 2 hours per day, max. Also, i'll do it only once a week, probably Sunday mornings. Then, I left my car for my sister at the train and walked home - another 25 min! yes!
exercise: 1hr, 5 min.
total exercise: 36 hrs, 25 min :)
calories were 1855.
If i stuck to my gut and didn't have two random tortillas in the house, calories would have been 1525. but, with my great exercise (I was soooo happy I wouldn't have to "exercise" when i got home) the calories are fine.
tonight i think i'll be making plans with the guy i was talking about last week. bit nervous. i will update of course!
tomorrow is Halloween and I'm NOT going to be here. I'm getting a ride to my car so i don't have to walk through lots of trick or treaters...then, i'll drive home, change, have a snack and go to the gym. I have a fun plan for the gym - 15 minutes on each machine!!! That'll keep me busy. The machines include: elliptical, rower, bike, treadmill(but i'll just walk a few laps around the gym), stairmaster. That adds up to an hour and 15 min! yep. plus, i'll have 20 min in the morning. tomorrow should be about 1hr and 35 min exercise.
I've looked at my exercise totals for last June and September that just passed. Now, as I compare them to October, I have realized that I have exercised just about the same amount of time each month, without even planning that. I think that if i want to get into better shape, I'm going to somehow need to increase my monthly total. So, the goal right now will be to always have an increased total, even if my one minute. This should be generally easy as I have continued to walk in the mornings. Next month will be a 25 minute walk, instead of 20min.
exercising outside without a jacket has me feeling under the weather today! I must go to bed early or I KNOW I will be SICK! and that would not be good at all as I cannot under any circumstances take off from work. So, sleep it is tonight. I'll have to remind everyone in my house that i need some sleep, or they'll be sure to wake me up with their antics, haha.
calories are good...it was difficult a little bit after dinner, but I got through it. 1570. I was going for 1550 but i had a very little sip of a drink.
exercise: 15 min in morning, 25 min in evening. My legs were actually sore today as well! Nice. 40 min total :)
total ex. 35 hrs, 20 min.
1910 calories (could have been slightly less, but i didn't intuitively eat my dinner and stop when full, so it was a bit bigger than it could have been.)
exercise = 2hrs.
34 hrs, 40 min exercise!
I went to see the movie "Into the Wild." BAD movie and long movie!!! I almost walked out. It's kinda slow at times at there's not enough action for my liking. However, it's based on a true story, which is kinda cool.
I wanted to walk a 1/2 marathon today. It isn't a planned half marathon in the area. I was going to do my usual weekend walk, but do it 2X in a row. However, i forgot my jacket and the wind was dreadful by the water. So, I did the usual 5.5 miles. My hands were numb the whole time!!! I was sooooo glad to put the heat on in my car afterwards!!!
No date yet. Should be either this week or weekend. I think it'll probably end up being on the weekend because he's usually pretty busy during the week. We shall see. Exciting.
A friend of mine asked if i wouldn't to drive to visit her next weekend as well. I'm just apprehensive because of the gas I will use and have to pay for as well as not being able to exercise as much that day. wow. that's a bit selfish of me. However, that's me. eeesh. I am also nervous about the eating part of getting together with her because she's the type of person that will base all of her actions and decisions off of me. I hate when I have a major influence on anyone's eating or personal decisions because i feel that we should all be able to make our own decisions. LOL. ok, usually i wouldn't write all of that, but that is seriously how I feel. I do like hanging out with her though. I'd rather not have the date and driving to see her in one weekend though.
alright, goodnight all! :)
That's really interesting about doing your own half marathon. I don't know if I could do 13 miles. Hmm...
Well, it sounds like it was a pretty good day for you! :-)
Sunday morning edit: today began alright...but proceeded to get a bit shakey. I had 685 calories for breakfast: 2 different flavored protein powders with 2 kinds of bran cereal followed by 7 quaker butter popcorn rice cakes. Could have been worse. I plan on a lot of exercise. I may have to shift to a more realistic goal if 1500 doesn't lend itself properly later in the day. If that's the case, I wouldn't want calories over 1800. The plan is to go to the greenway later in the day...and perhaps walk in 2x. ummm, That would be some major mileage! Actually, it would be about 10 to 10.5 miles!!!! I'm not sure of the exact mileage but that is a good approximation.
I hope everyone enjoys their day. Of course, I'm off to another movie as well. I will also pick up some more sport bras. I'm not buying them on a whim either. I have a few, but was also exercising in regular bras and they have irritated my skin. So, now it's sport bras only while exercising. At first, I didn't think walking could do this to a person.
On another front, I have purchased, with my invisible stack of cash, a new piece of exercise equipment from an infomercial. For those of you that aren't aware, I do this from time to time. Usually about 1X or 2X a year. I have bought in the past: Red (I love it, great ab workout), ab lounge (its alright, but can produce some back pain and i prefer Red which I bought after the ab lounge), and most recently a leg workout machine for a hefty $150 with one year warranty.
This piece of equipment is called Leg Magic. It works your inner and outer thigh areas. It appeals to me because you do it for short bursts, not one long period. Also, its easy to move around and you can slide it under your bed. My legs need some more muscle mass as I am NOT a runner and I still need some work with my walking endurace. I believe its going to be an awesome purchase. I've been very happy with Red, too. If i never bought red, I'd probably use the ab lounge more often. I kinda like watching informercials for exercise equipment...and deciding if anything appeals to me. :) I can't wait till it comes between 2-6 weeks. I'll keep you updated on my satisfaction. :)
https://www.buylegmagic.com/?cid=291489
Saturday evening update:
32 hrs, 40 min exercise so far!!!
so today the calories and exercise were both fantastic! :) I feel good!
exercise: 25 min walk in the am, 1hr elliptical in the afternoon, 15 min walk/jog, 20 min bike, 25 min walk in the evening. 2 hr, 25 min total exercise!
calories: 1490. I didn't think i could do it and I thought i was seriously gonna go over in calories today! wow. good stuff.
I should proceed with caution...and remind myself that tomorrow is gonna be a good, positive day just like today.
I saw "Bella" today. Great movie. It's kinda girlie though. I don't know if guys will like it as much. It's a family/love story.
I catched up on the phone with a couple friends today also.
Goodnight all!
Saturday AM: Lots of bran and rice cakes with 2 scoops of two different protein powders: strawberry and cookies and cream. total calories: 475.
Have a good day, all! I'm looking to have a good day myself! :) The goal calorwise I was thinking of yesterday for today was 1200. I don't think this is doable, honestly. I'm going to make today's goal a comfortable 1500.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 30hrs, 15 min
1670 cal for Friday. Only 20 min exercise, but good on sleep!!!!
so maybe my calories aren't 1200...or 1400....or even 1500 lately. That's really ok by me. as long as i'm keeping up with exercise. Lately, I feel like a big sausage. My clothes are definitely tight! haha, my jeans were killing today! I like what Donkey suggested, saying that her tight clothes were a motivating factor! I agree! :O
The date will probably be just for coffee. Sometime next week. I'll update for sure on it. I don't have really bad skin, but i just wish it was a little clearer! arg! I'm debating going to the dermatologist. I prob will not. It's not worth the copays.
Last night, i stopped by Targert and dropped 40 dollars on just a package of flavored waters and one nightshirt(i don't own any and i wanted something long and flannel to wear over my pants in bed), a thermal shirt that can be worn out because it has a cute pattern on it, and a pair of fleece pants. It wasn't really a shopping spree, i bought what i believe I need and also things i've been thinking about for the past month. 40 dollars is about half of what I make in one day! That's sick! ugh.
Had a substantial breakfast, 440 cal.
snacks and food during work added to a total of 520 cal.
after work was not the healthiest, but satisfying: two plain english muffins and a package of rice cakes. yep. 615 calories.
20 minute walk in morning. going to exercise in a little bit.
breakfast was bigger than planned but still managable. 410 cal.
snacks and lunch throughout the day added up to 590 at work.
Snack after work was bigger than planned: 500 cal.
so far, 1500 cal. I wanted less today. I will eat something again before bed or i'll end up waking up hungry.
total calories: 1700 including the 4 mcdonalds chicken nuggets. perfect ending.
as far as exercise goes, I did 25 minutes in the AM. I will also exercise...now! i ended up exercising at home, 20 min.
total exercise: 45 min
total October exercise: 29 hrs, 55 min
I will finally be going out on a date next week! yup, it will be low key, but finally, a date! haha. probably just meeting for coffee. We've only emailed and spoken on the phone. I REFUSE to buy any new clothes. I know I can't loose much weight by then - maybe a pound. However, this is an incentive to get my act together.
Also, my skin is the worst it has been in a few years. I think its due to my erratic eating. I do know what to do, but it's like I'm afraid to do it. I really shouldn't be. It's not like anything I ever did turned into some death-like experience!
Your thing about refusing to buy new clothes -- that's what motivated me to lose weight. Totally worked for me.
I know I'm a broken record. Does anyone have any other new suggestions to help? I weigh the most I've weighed since 2003.
yesterday was brutally bad. today was bad.
calories for breakfast: 710 despite yesterday's binge.
calories until 4:30 pm: 1720
i will allot about 300 more for the rest of the night.
exercise so far is 20 minutes in the morning.
2000 total calories
70 min walking.
total exercise: 29 hours, 10 min
tomorrow will be a GREAT day. I will plan for it tonight. I have to stick to a plan!!!!!!! gosh, if there's no plan, there's no luck with me!
the plan will include exercise in the AM, exercise in the evening after eating dinner, and 1300 calories because it will be easy to do since i have a long meeting after work.
250 cal. breakfast
580 calories during the day at work.
470 calorie dinner. right now, i'm in the mood for lean pockets and a mix of veggies and perhaps kelp noodles for dinner. that's the plan. :)
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That binging is not a good thing. Have you tried crushed ice or gum just to keep your mouth busy?
Donkey on 11/02/2007:
I figured that was coming. I would do the same thing.
Try this (if you can/want): Definitely chill and relax tonight. Set aside periods of time tomorrow where you will devote time to thinking about your choices. I would recommend during walking and/or exercising. Then, when you are not in these specific times, do not think about it. At all.
I can't tell you what you should do or what you should not do. But I would keep in mind that if you go the radiologist route, you will not have a problem finding a job afterwards. On the other hand, working for the schools is supposed to be *jackpot* because of the union/pensions.