total exercise: 25 hours. I'm halfway to my goal. I will definitely have 50 by the end of July.
today's exercise: 71 min (bike, yoga)
today's calories:2785
I want when I turn 25 in September to be like a milestone: NO MORE binging and a bigger effort to get athletically fit. I know its possible, binging is just a waste of time. there will always be stressors and i will begin to develop new ways to deal with them...even though today was BAD, it doesn't mean it always needs to be like that. I am going to make bigger efforts to achieve my desires. If i wait any longer, I'll still be saying this as I turn 30. Not a way to live...I can't! :) I'm really, really going to work on it. I need to change habits which DON'T help me rise to a higher standard of emotional living, a better place, a better state of mind. This is what I WANT. A boyfriend would be great too...but i presume that will come after i achieve my own goals? maybe? I really don't know. but, this is a start. the binge didn't even make me feel sick today...just full. it was mostly on really calorie dense foods: a whole large bag of potato chips, cookies, yogurts, candy. stuff like that. so, if i can just see past the necessity for food to give me a high so i can complete assignments and move on....well, then that would be a new beginning for me. today i am making a tape of myself conducting all the pieces of music...it's the final for this class....so, it's quite a big deal. that's definitely without a doubt what caused my eating to go into disarray.
ok, BY THE END OF JULY, 50 WORKOUT HOURS. THAT'S FINAL!
haha. calories so far: 2785. yep. i thought i would never binge again after this class ended...but, of course, my emotions took over. i am going to work on this though. I'm not gonna give up.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
total exercise hours: 23 hrs, 49 min.
Late Friday night: today went well. class is over. this week is over. i survived! i'm happy. it's time to work on a term paper for another class (we were given a deadline of labor day to have the paper in, haha.) I hope to finish it in one or two weeks.
total friday exercise: 15 min bike ride. haha. friday calories: 1400...at least that's pretty awesome.
I have an exercise goal of 50 hours this month...haha, i've got a lot more to go! I have to do about 2.5 hours of exercise per day in order to reach my goal. Yoga is one hour and i will do it everyday. What else can i do...maybe i will consider going to yoga 2x a day(i have a pass that is unlimited so it doesn't change the price). yeah, well, my goal is 2.5 hours and i will reach it.
this week was actually pretty good while i was taking this stressful class, considering i could have done no exercise!
next week: yoga everyday. weights 3x a week. cardio everyday.
yuck. tomorrow i will tape record myself doing all the pieces (an assignment for this class that just ended.) It will take about 2 hours. hmmm. maybe less?
then, i will go to the library...and figure out what composer i am doing a term paper on for my other class which ended a long time ago but the term paper is still due before labor day.
i should really practice the horn - a lot. i sound really bad. i hardly played all week because of the class.
ahh, and i want to pick up a free pair of underwear at victoria's secret...since i have a coupon for that...but, i don't think i want to do all the things i mentioned in one day. i'm tired now. time for bed.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
Friday: I'm hoping today is a better day in class. Yesterday went terribly and I embarassed myself. I wish i didn't have to conduct the band again today. today will be the most difficult, because the professor is not allowed to stop us and we have to try to get the band to follow us till the end. If the music falls apart, it'll be embarassing. i'm not good at it and who likes to be put on the spot in front of everyone when they suck at things? oh well. no turning back.
Before i started conducting yesterday, someone asked me if i'm still working in the same district. i said "no" because the teacher who i'd been filling in for was coming back. then, the person who asked me said she thought she'd be teaching elementary band in that district next year. I couldn't believe what i was hearing. it's not the same school i was in. It's a position that is not advertised and it's because another teacher has decided to move upstate. the high school band director had told this girl about the job. so, then the girl says to me "i almost have the job!" i immediately got upset and pissed off. so, i just said "well, that's a great place to work if you get the job." even though that's what i said, for the rest of the night i was a COMPLETE MESS. I did a great job where i worked last year...nothing to be embarassed or upset over at all. but, this girl just drove home the fact that i don't have a job and the fact that i'm not so good at this conducting thing (although it's way beyond the level of music that is done at the elementary/middle school levels...so even if i stink at it, it doesn't mean i couldn't do well teaching elementary.) Not having a job and being amongst so many colleagues that do...i was not having a good night to start...on one hour of sleep because i couldn't sleep and was preparing for class. It makes me never want to do anything with music ever. I was very emotional outside of class during the break. then, a friend of mine tries to comfort me and goes to give me a kiss...and he's married with a daughter! wtf!? so i told as we walked in that i forgave him for all of that...don't worry, i didn't kiss him...and i forgave him because he's a generally nice, helpful, friendly guy. some people make bad choices...he got married basically because his gf was pregnant. who knows how he feels about all of it. he's still young and not everyone makes great decisions. this week has been a terrible whirlwind and i want it to end, i want it to end so bad. and i don't want to miserably do so poorly again tonight. there are so many people there that are watching me and their perceptions are how i will be considered and very lasting. it's my last class...last time i'll be at this university and i have to say, i didn't leave in the most positive, shining, successful way that i would have liked to, i'll tell you that.
Thursday: Calories = 1740, exercise = none.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
Perhaps your male friend was just trying to give you a consolation kiss a la "peck on the cheek"? Or am I reading this entirely wrong and he was actually trying to give you a KISS (like you see on the soaps)?
Try to keep in mind that how we think people perceive us and how they actually DO perceive can be very very different. Try to put out of your mind how you think they are seeing your performance, and concentrate on the performance itself. I know it's not easy to do, especially when it's something that's not your "forte". But you must if you are to come out of this with your sanity and self esteem in tact.
Thursday edit: BIG BREAKFAST BINGE after being up all night and getting one hour of sleep...1210 calories for breakfast! arg.
....in a few days.....exercise GALORE.
well, kinda exercise galore. i still have a research paper to write and a french horn to practice...but i sound like crap and i have a group that i will be playing with...ehhh. maybe i'll start the research paper next week, instead of this week. eh, maybe i'll do both...we'll see.
yay. the class i'm taking is MORE than halfway done. yay. yay. yay!
total calories today: 1470. wahoo.
exercise: 35 min treadmill!
comments to all of you will start on Saturday!
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
wednesday morning edit: in an attempt to curb my recent morning splurges for breakfast, i decided to eat a large volume of really fiberous food that would add up to a smaller amount of calories than the past couple days in terms of breakfast foods. so, breakfast was 2 cups of fiber one, one cup of light soymilk, and a packet of blueberry oatmeal. total calories = 470. much better. now, i should really get on to doing work...
late evening edit: this week i've been taking a class...sorry for the lack of comments on your diaries...
total exercise today: 30 min.
total calories: 1520.
Breakfast = 950 calories.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
edit: total calories for today: 1520 hmmm. not bad. should have done it a healthier way, without a big binge, though!
breakfast 350 cal, AM binge: 960, total so far (10am) = 1310 calories.
exercise minutes: 54 treadmill.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
I'm terrible with vegetables, but I have a pretty good excuse, really! In small amounts, it's okay, but when I start eating more than a serving a day it seriously makes me sick! One way or another, I usually end up not being able to do any exercising for the rest of the day because i'm in too much pain!
See - excuses for everything...
exercise: 40min walk
total July exercise: To be updated...
total calories: 1,000.
Goodnight. this is going to be a whirlwind of a week.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
calories: 3655 (I am VERY accurate, it's not a guess...) I can't wait till this class is over...its my last master's class and also the last time i will really have to take a class against my will! I think education and learning are fabulous...but this class, in my opinion, is NOT! it's completely terrorizing. i fear it.
exercise today: 100 min (yoga, bike, treadmill)
total exercise in JULY: 20 hrs, 55min
when this class is done...I am definitely conquering my life back!!! NO more excuses. I CANNOT take it anymore! This summer, so far and thank god it's not over, has royally STUNK. besides yoga and exercise, i have been so antisocial, it's not even funny. but, i didn't want to be social...with work on my mind...this course that starts tomorrow, it's honestly all i can think about. i'm soooo tired of it. so tired. i have been going to school for music for SEVEN years and i'm sooo over it. btw, 7 yrs meaning my undergrad and three yrs getting my masters part time. i seriously cannot take it AT ALL. I want OUT. NOW.
ummmm, MAJOR binge. i could care less right now. my class starts tomorrow.
calories so far: 3655
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
You know when your class will be over. Perhaps you could start marking off the days on a calendar until it is over. I know this may sound ridiculous but I get great satisfaction from checking off a day, especially when it has been a hard day. Well, just an idea....
Saturday morning edit: I swear, I almost binged this morning. except, my stomach started to bother me since i had eaten plenty of fiberous foods! an apricot, one cup all bran, one cup milk, dannon yogurt. i went on to have two sugar free small fudge pops. all this for 330 calories. thankfully, nothing else. i need to keep up this mentality for the next week. my class starts tomorrow at 3pm.
--------------------
Friday:
hi.
total calories: 1500.
lunch was VERY, VERY big. it was just a little under 1,000 calories. I'm not meal planning...or sticking to meal plans!...very well at all!
total exercise: 2hrs, 20 min (60 yoga, 10 bike, 30 weights, 40 elliptical) yay.
total JULY exercise: 19 hrs, 15 min I have a goal of getting 50 hrs of working out this month! that will be a challenge, especially because of next week!
this upcoming week will probably turn out to be a lot less exercise for me because i'm taking a class....we'll see...it depends on the amount of work i will have to do to prepare each day. I'm NOT doing yoga this week because i think it'll take too much out of me, too early in the morning and the class ends late at night. I will probably still do weights, as long as i have time. i hope to still get in a walk/elliptical because i really have NO reason not to
i had a concert tonight. getting a job was on my mind...as well as my class which begins sunday. my mind was wondering, i didn't play my best.
i wish something good would happen to me.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
ok, i went to yoga. saw a fellow music teacher..she was awfully nice and encouraging, saying she would let me know if any openings...
total July exercise: 16 hrs, 55 min
total exercise today: 1hr, 25 min (60 yoga, 10 bike, 15 walk)
total calories: 1810. eh, fine.
calories today: there was a binge in the afternoon on just two things: potato chips (3 servings equalling 460 total) and pretzels, 120 calories. however, if i watch my portions, the day will not be ruined in the end! it will be more than 1500, but not more than 2000.
i am so on and off with music. sometimes i feel that i could do it, sometimes i say "I'll never be able to rise to the level i want to be at, so why continue." it's so hard to decide what i want. in life and in general.
biscotti, i don't know if i would want to teach yoga. i enjoy doing it, but i don't think teaching it is for me. it would save some money....but to be certified you have to take a SIX WEEK course in california...but they may have moved it to Hawaii. I definitely can't afford being away from home right now for that long....however, if it don't have a job...lol, it could be worth it since i will have no other obligations. eh, teaching yoga is not for me...at least not right now.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
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We have all done that...so just get back on track and you'll do fine!