trust me, you don't even wanna know.
MAJOR binge. didn't stick to menu. 1200 cal is not enough and my sugar levels are all over the place!
total calories: 6300 today! i told you it wasn't good.
not a good day.
bike ride/hot yoga/walk with grandma. feeling gross but not gross enough to stop eating as you can see.
tired. looking to do better in the near future.
whenever i attempt to "fix" a binge in the days after, i just end up binging again. so, tomorrow is fresh and it really doesn't matter than i binged 3 out of the past 4 days!? blah. back to 125, at least.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
i've been stuck maintaining 123-125 for weeks now.
7am Saturday entry: got a good amount of sleep because i went to bed early.
breakfast: kiwi, cereal with almond milk, and then 2 more glasses of almond milk. no real protein, but some healthy fat. calories: 330
menu plan for remainder of the day:
snack: cup light milk and cup watermelon (ran out of yogurt) 100 (yup!)
lunch: chopped tomato,tofu,chick peas: 240
snack: decaf coffee and skim with NO sugars or artificial sugars,plum 80.
dinner: salad (lettuce/cucumber) with beans, dressing. 200.
out for coffee: the new starbucks Vivanno!!! :) i'll get the banana chocolate one of course. around 300 cal.
total: really 1250?! wow. so if i plan my meals beforehand, like i used to a long time ago, this is what happens. maybe i should do this more often. NO MORE unhealthy bars at work in August. I've been relying TOO MUCH on them. back to healthy foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. with healthy snacks in between.
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- really don't want to go to yoga right now. I'd rather get cardio in and go to yoga tomorrow. I'm going to try that and will concentrate so that binge symtoms don't take over.
...now it's been several minutes and i do think i will be going to yoga! i'll see depending on the weather. plus, my ankle is a little sore so i don't know how much cardio will be too much on it.
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Friday entry:
eating was interesting today. binged in evening but i have to say i don't care about it.
calories up to dinner: 1320.
dinner cal: 1620...and then some peanut butter remnants from jar. 200. and another yogurt 170 and two granola bars: 280.
total today: 3600
exercise: 2 mi during work. kinda tired and not in the mood to exercise any more for today.
plan for upcoming days, weeks, years: put bad days aside and remember that food is food! get more intrigued by exercise and less by the calming effect of food.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Have a better weekend!
I hope you'll have a SOUPer day, too. (smiles!!!) I like them cold, as well. And you can make them really low in calories! Hugs to you!
I can officially say i have very little respect for my mom. sorry i have to write this but i have tried to speak with her and she is as distant as usual. whatever. she is the loser because i see how she has broken all ties to her own family - mom,dad,brother. so whatever. let her break ties with me too. who gives a crap. i don't get any good advice or any advice from her anyway. all she does it put me down and say negative things. sorry i have to write this but she is so f---ing stupid.
late edit: so basically had a cruddy conversation with him on the phone. it was short, maybe 5 min max. we talked and he said he already had plans fri night bc that is what i suggested. so i said, if you are interested, feel free to give me a call. so it pretty much ended like that. all in all, he was busy but that's life. it doesn't mean he's not interested and it was only freakin 2 dates anyway so maybe i shouldn't even give it any more thoughts. which i'm not!
anyways, i'm going away next week from thurs-sat with friends to go hiking and do some other fun things. i'm looking foward to it and thank god i said yes to go with them because i KNOW it'll be a great time!
____________________________________________
exercise: 5 mi throughout day.
slightly bingy at times.
dinner: larger than expected but not unhealthy. 500 cal.
total calories: 1600 (higher than a goal of 1300 but ok after a very high calorie day like yesterday.)
so i emailed that guy last night saying i would call him tonight. i wonder exactly what he thinks about that!
going to call him in about one hour. need to relax a bit first.
slept better last night,too.
goodnight all!
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Good luck!!!!!!!!! I hate making phone calls of ANY sort, so I can only imagine. But a girl's gotta take a first step sooner or later.
Enjoy your time with friedns and don't forget to keep checking out those cute/available guys out there - there are so many!
PS. Sorry about your mom...
I know where you're coming from with your mom. BTDT, same thing here. The very best thing that happened for my relationship with my mom is that I moved out and we put some physical and mental distance between us. I could become my own person without being influenced by her opinions, thoughts, choices, etc. It's part of becoming a full-fledged adult, I think, to come into your own person, and not what is expected of you or what you expect from your parental model.
Think about it... Once you are on your own, things will be much improved for you.
oooopsie. dinner = full blown binge. chocolate, donuts, cookies, etc.
calories for dinner: 2500.
total for today: 3700. good one, Jackie.
nothing i can do now.
perhaps a small walk just to help the food settle? not yet though.
exercise: 2 mi during work.
the biggest reason why i binged today is because nobody was home and it was easy to do that. bad reason, i know.
work was good. my coworker was absent but i felt good doing her/my work. everyone was pretty friendly today. all's good, except the eating part.
perhaps TOM is coming? i will look to eat better tomorrow and the days to come, obviously.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Be pro-active and call/email the guy.
i would definitely say today was better than yesterday and hopefully tomorrow i will feel even better. i was tired at work. i did wake up throughout the night again because i'm anxious/thinking about this guy. lol. so this time i didn't look at the clock and i also tried to ignore my thoughts and not think about them in the middle of the night when i should be sleeping. it worked somewhat better than the other past couple nights.
bad eating lately...lot's of processed bars but i do try to get in a good amount of fruits/veggies.
total calories: about 1580. lots of almond milk both unsweetened chocolate and plain throughout the day. many fruits. dinner was about 550 calories.
exercise: 2 mi at work and a short 25 minute bike ride at home. i was too hungry to ride more once i reached my block the first time around my community!
so on sunday this guy asked if i wanted to go out during this week. i wonder when he will call??
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Good walking/bike riding....Keep it up!
thank you for all of your tips, they mean an awful lot. :) i am once again falling behind in commenting on your diaries. tomorrow...
a little depressed today, didn't feel great. lack of sleep probably dampened my mood.
went for a nice 3 mi walk after work and then out to dinner. i'm feeling as fat and flabby as ever and just not happy with myself today.
i wish i were more confident and experienced with dating. i was talking with two of my friends at dinner and their dates seemed so much more involved and sophisticated than mine. i don't envy that, but i feel a bit insecure with myself right now.
i feel like i've been given everything and i just throw all of what i can become away. like i haven't reached any potential and never will. not sure why i feel this negative. i'm upset that i don't know enough or sometimes care enough to learn more about world events. and why i am so lazy.
ugh. feeling low.
1550 calories.
probably walked a total of 5 mi throughout the day.
hoping for a much better day tomorrow.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
5 miles is great AND make your day better tomorrow.....
Monday morning edit: i'm going to be tired today...well, hopefully not. i'll try not to think about it. does anyone else get dating anxiety??? i couldn't sleep well last night again! sheesh! i was tossing and turning between 4-6am! I bet guys hardly get like that!
calories yesterday worked out better than expected :). They were around 1775 despite my 1250 calorie breakfast.
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late night edit: date went well! we went to a very relaxed dinner at panera bread which is fine by me. my sister teased me that it wasn't a dinner but a lunch restaurant. i can see both sides of the coin with that. didn't end up going to a bar after but a movie instead. i liked it...the one with angelina jolie - Wasted.
the night didn't really call for a kiss goodbye. it would be way too premature. he's a good guy and easy to talk to. we'll probably go out again this week. i enjoy doing active things like dinner and walking around. we'll see. we'd like to challenge each other to a game of ping pong except i don't think there are any places with ping pong tables around. haha. goodnight all.
are there any rules with dating like there should be a kiss by the third date? what do you all think? i know really it just depends on the two people so we'll see if we continue to click. we definitely get along well.
thank you for the good date wishes. :)
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today has gone NOT as well as i would have liked. i'm not very upset over it, but my progress will also not be as fast because of conscious impulsive decisions in the morning.
i gave in and had around 1250 cal for breakfast. all because of my nerves for a date tonight. it's pouring, we were supposed to go for ices, but now we're going out to dinner. therefore, higher calories than just if i had ices. also, we will go to the bar after. i'll have a glass of healthy wine...beer is weird on a date for a girl...or maybe not. but i'll stick with the wine. i don't even like beer that much (and never more than a glass of wine bc i don't drink often lol).
snack: coconut juice 60
snack: 2 small plums, cereal, milk (i cannot starve myself before a date and be sick and tired that would be terrible!) so this is pretty low cal enough. and i did hot yoga so i need something after!
dinner: panera bread (probably a salad/soup combo or something)
after dinner:wine
calories before dinner: 1550. good, but i didn't have dinner yet. although, calories for today should end up being much above 2200. so that's what i'll say even before dinner. not terrible, but i will admit i binged this morning and that is unfortunate. oh well, moving on.
as for tomorrow, i'm going out to eat with friends to a place called Ben's Deli. it's a kosher jewish restaurant. VERY good food, usually high in calories. however, soup is good there and i LOVE LOVE LOVE good half sour jewish pickles. although they're high in salt, i always give in. I will have MANY of them. when i say MANY i mean about at least 5-10 pickles with dinner. i'll be full and satisfied and bloated for awhile. haha. craziness.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Have fun on your date....
I hope you have fun on your date. And by the way, you can have anything you want on your date. A beer is fine, a glass of cranberry juice is fine too. Up to you. Just be yourself, always. xoxo
Incidently, I gave my Husband a killer liplock (well, ok, maybe lips not so locked) on our first date, which essentially was just a long drive home. :-)
Sunday Morning: I didn't sleep as well as I would have liked to last night. I think I am anxious about my "date" tonight to get ices with the guy I went out with 2 weeks ago. I am definitely a bit nervous and I realize I need to relax in order to have a successful day in general.
Breakfast: cereal and fruit...and yogurts, 4 granola bars...two pieces mandel bread (really like a pastry) almond milk, 1250
lunch:
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Saturday evening:
i am sooo eager to be under 120 if i stick to a good routine by summer's end. the sooner the better but i must have patience. i am having a string of good days and i will work hard to remain positive and proactive.
a very successful day today!
for one, i slept so late for me at least! till almost 9 which gave me around 10 hrs of sleep. and i felt really good all day because of it. i'm relaxing this weekend - relaxing tonight. :)
bike ride to and from yoga this morning. walk in afternoon with grandma. i will do weights tonight a bit while watching tv. tomorrow evening i'm going for ices with that guy i went on a date with two weeks ago! he actually called today to ask if i wanted to go out tonight or tomorrow night. i'm pretty excited that he did in fact call. i guess he really did have a good time.
food was good today!
breakfast: cereal, fruit, milk: 230
snack: some drink powder mix i forgot the name, few plums
lunch: yogurts, a good tasting package of sugar free cookies at my grandmother's, and 2 plums (HUNGRY!) i almost went to take other sugar cookies but remembered today i was trying to be primarily healthy!
snack: medium iced decaf: 60
dinner: BIG and TASTY. salad with lt dressing. then, a mix of 2 whole cucumbers, tomato, peppers, 1/2 block of tofu, 1/2 cup beans, and light dressing. then, a cup of raspberries and almond milk for dessert! i can fit a lot into my stomach and i'm very satisfied. total dinner calories: around 600.
total calories for today: 1340 :)
i will definitely do yoga tomorrow as i had planned to before i knew i had a date in the evening. also, i plan to get some walking in. however, i will not tire myself out like i did last weekend when i went out with a friend and felt sick all night because i was too hungry and tired.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
As for Smart Balance P.B. ~ Love it!... I think it satisfy's because it is so much thicker/stickier than other brands, plus it IS more healthy too....High in calories, but good ones for sure and I can hardly eat 2 TBS for a serving size suggestion....... We use the Smart Balance Spread and oil. If I can find it...the spray (hard to find)...They also have popcorn, but it is hard to find also... Pricey, but worth the health benefits I guess... I believe everything the selling points say....
Have a good evening!
was it worth it? not sure. BUT, it did taste good:
late afternoon snack: small mcdonald's fries i'm saying 300 bc they always give a little extra.
dinner: taco bell grilled stuffed beef burrito i'll say 800 (the calculations that restaurants give are usually not right), large salad, 2 whole cucumbers with dressing, lg plum. :) 200 for salad/fruit.
this is what i've wanted for awhile now. and it all tasted GREAT, especially the fries and the middle of the burrito! haha.
dinner calories: 1,000 not too bad, right!? haha.
now, the daily total is alright! 1900. i do plan on some exercise pretty soon. it'll be a walk probably. i also walked 2 mi at work.
i know i was saying that i wanted to have fast food each day of the weekend, but if i do that it may not set me back but it will also not set me foward. i know i'm going out to eat monday night with friends. therefore, i plan on having a light day tomorrow and on Sunday I'm not sure if I will have another treat or not. right now, i'm thinking yes.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Have a great evening!
Great Weekend to you!
i cannot say i am the healthiest person bc i am NOT. but, i like my plan and the food i eat and i plan to primarily stick with it to a degree.
breakfast at work: yogurts
snacks in morning: 2 decaf coffees, special k bar, plum
lunch: cereal/milk
snack in pm: zone bar
snack later: diet drink...then later a small joy bar!! good good good!
dinner: LARGE but healthy so i'm ok with overeating on that. It had: lettuce with dressing, and then a mixture of two cucumbers, tomato, red beans, and sardines, dressing: 400. for desert, a plum and almond milk (another 80 cal). good dinner. i wouldn't change a thing.
total cal for today: about 1530-1550. yay to that! better than having taco bell or mcdonalds and having higher calories.
although my weight is completely weird mainly due to binging episodes through this month, i can tell my body is definitely more fit than before. my capri pants are fitting better and so are all my clothes. :)
i am also so glad to have cleaned out my closets and drawers because i found some clothes that i bought last year/2 years ago that work well for work! so now i really DON'T need to go shopping and i won't because i'd rather spend my money in other ways.
exercise: 2 mi during work (thank god for no rain during lunch) and then a WONDERFUL bike ride. i haven't exercised in 3 days (mon, tues, wed) after work and i was seriously pumped up with endorphins after that bike ride.
have a good day everyone.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
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Now you have the right idea. You can't "fix" a binge. Just get back to a realistic, healthy program. It will even itself out in the end, as long as you take CARE of yourself. Don't abuse yourself with food! I think you get enough of it from your mom and from the stress in life.
WI3 on 08/02/2008:
I agree with you and Donkey...you can't fix a binge, just plow on the next day! Take care and have a wonderful evening!
thinnside40 on 08/02/2008:
I felt so icky after eating supper (ate too much good stuff), but went for a walk of 5 miles with the family...Felt a bit better, but still not feeling great....Maybe some sleep is in order.... Better tomorrow H_O_P!