tasty, fullfilling breakfast: 2 toast w. butter 300, fried egg/eggwhites: 200, some cranberries cooked in. total 500
snack: yogurt: 160
lunch: grapefruit 100, fried tofu w. tomatoes 300: 400 total.
1060.
snack: 250
1310
dinner: med fries400, salad 90, microwave meal 350, yogurt 100: 940
tsf: 2250.
maybe a haircut if i can get an appt...its too long...
gym was great. cardio only.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
calories were good. around 2200. and exercise great.
breakfast: cereal and milk 320, coffee 50: 370
snack:
snack:
snack:
snack:
snack:
dinner:
gym later this afternoon after i teach some lessons.
gym will be weights and cardio. and then, definitely BED EARLY.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
30 min intense exercise on elliptical and 1450 calories. and a talk with my guy. overall a good day.
feeling like i was hit by a buldozer this morning, however you spell it, but getting by on a positive note...feeling good.
breakfast: nice, large bowl of cereal: 330. fantastic....
snack: part of a pear 40
snack: protein bar 130
lunch: yogurts 300, banana 100, popcorn 250: 650
snack: protein bar 260
TSF: 1410.
dinner?
coffee out later....or perhaps tea!
out to see a concert tonight. goodnight all!
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
total cal today was actually around 6,000 after everything i ate that i didn't even write here....and will i give up, toss the towel in!?, NEVER.
reasons: very nervous to see my student,faculty, etc at this concert saturday night....tiring week, low on blood sugar after the crazy gym where i had far too much caffeine, and the boy.
up early to drive to school and study. wahoo....it's friday! :-) plan: maybe home for a nap after school, then the gym.
EARLY breakfast: grapes, sf flavored water, coffee: around 200.
snack: Dunkin Donuts flatbread? 300.
chocolate: 100
lunch: some turkey and stuffing. around 600.
snack: bar and caffeine drink?? 150
snack: 130
before dinner: around 1500
dinner: 450....dessert was baaaad: 700?....and chocolate 800. ugh. dumb. 1950 for dinner. dumb dumb and dumb.
bed not too late. exhausted....more chocolate
total cal: 5000? why....woke up way too early (4:30am), tired, pooped, thinking about him. :( i don't even regret the food right now.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
exercise edit: lovely day at the gym. i did about 35-40 minutes elliptical, 5 min walk on treadmill, and 10-15 minutes on the bike. also, i did abs and back. very happy that i went. it certainly made me feel better. :-) tomorrow i'll be back there for weights and cardio. i might lay off abs, but i'm not so sure. my abs could use an extra workout. lol.
breakfast: 400. healthy. some pieces of pear cut up and an egg/eggwhite sandwich on two pieces of rye bread. i've been feeling dehydrated and i'm laying off the coffee right now.
snack: yogurt? 130 pretzels 60
lunch: leftovers still!! haha. stuffing piece and some dark meat chicken: guess: 650?
snack: chocolate 100
another snack? yogurt 130? bar, drink 240
dinner: flatbread sandwich 300, veggies 40, grapes: 150 500 approx.
total cal: 1950. good for today. and certainly fits into my exercise and calorie output. i am happy.
early to bed...i will wake up extra early to study tomorrow morning since i have a test. and i know that i would rather just review in the morning than tonight too. i do better that way, it's just me.
exercise: if sunny, a walk. otherwise, gym. probably the gym not in the mood to be outside even though it's 60 degrees. lol, why am i underlining this!? ...
today was the 3rd day of binging. but things are looking better and i got to the gym for weights and had a 50 minute walk today. so things are better.
crap happens and we all have our bad days. i'm ready to spend the next weeks of december in a better mood than i was in these past three days.
sorry for you if you read my past couple entries. i'm doing much better now.
goodnight all.
exercise: 50 minute walk, hour weights.
calories: perhaps around 4000-4500. it happens.
i'm looking to not just eat everything to fill my voids. but it's a process! :-)
again, goodnight.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
midnight edit: got a test tomorrow. screwed up royally again today. worst week in awhile. binging is getting worse. i even stopped counting calories today at some point which means that it was a very bad binge. probably close to 5500 or more calories. i'm stressed, not doing my best. it's 12:24am and i can't even "go to sleep and wake up to study" bc i have too much to study. i will have to set my alarm MULTIPLE times to get up and study throughout the night. terrible. talk about bad skin, overeating, and everything inbetween. life feels quite not managable right now and i hate being this stressed. i was never a great student and it really blows to be a student now at 27 facing the same EXACT problems i faced as a freshman in college. i hate this.
total cal: probably 5500-6000. no exercise, 2nd day in a row....next week i will be at a conference honoring my dad tuesday morning. i have nothing to wear and now i'll be a bit heavier. what is wrong with me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6:30am breakfast: 370
9am snack: chocolates around 290.
10am other snack possibly: yogurt 130
12pm lunch: fruit and sandwich: 450...and chocolates. that have been calculated in
3: 50pm snack: banana and diet drink: 130
binge-snack: crackers/pretzels/peppers seasoned: 520 + 120+ 30= 670
tsf: 2170...2300
soon! pm! lol .dinner:
tired. taking a nap.then dinner then walk then study...someting like that. must take a short, even 1/2 hour walk....maybe inside on treadmill, yeah...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
5600 6600 forgot the macaroons...calories today. (13 day avg is 2900 around 3000 approx per day.)
how things change: lol, from good to bad today: why??? probably has something to do with a sigh of relief. didn't sleep well at all last night, either. was thinking about him and it was just terrible to say the least....being up i mean. my heart was actually racing all night...until about 1am when i finally couldn't stay up any longer. ( so seriously racing between 9pm-1am).
my day went well, some stress, but overall a nice day back. was hungry and should, even though weather was horrible and rainy, of went to the gym. i was tired though. and i could have even slept. so, those would have been other things i might have done to avoid this binge. thing is, i don't really regret it right now. and i have yet to add up all the calories. thing is, i have a goal (had a goal?) as usual, to lose weight this month. perhaps my goals are too lofty.
and once again, TOM is here. that might have to do with this. tom, lack of sleep, and just the events of thanksgiving break/weekend.
btw, i finally had the "i ****ed up and now it's ok to eat anything to the point of sickness (feeling sick from fullness). it's really horrible. and i was finally able to wear my smaller pants bc i was finally not bloated in my stomach today. unfortunately, i'll be bloated tomorrow....but i do feel like studying. which is a good thing.
how am i feeling? relaxed after this binge. and also antsy at the same time, knowing i have pushed my weightloss back and will continue to do so. and at the same time not worrying about the weightloss and sometimes even being fine with my weight now. not that weight is everything.
i guess i am lonely at the moment. i want to see this guy again and i don't want things to ever get f-ed up. that's really it. i don't think there are any other feelings. the pain from eating so much pretty much makes me UNABLE to think of any other feelings.
last night i was practically shaking thinking about him as he went home on his flight to florida....wondering when he'd finally text, which he did.
5:50pm edit: huge binge to the point of pain:
3:40 kashi bar while leaving school: 140 (1020 total cal. up to this point today)
4:00: taco bell chicken chalupa: 400.
4:30: wendy's fries:350 , like 2/3 of a kinda cold and leathery 1/4 pounder without cheese: 400 , oreo frosty : almost 1,000 for that frosty...total here: around 1750.
4:30 and on: mcdonalds: 4 pc chicken tenders (they gave me an extra): 650 , cinnamon bites: 500 , oreo mcflurry which was crappy but i did eat it just to fill up: 600 (surprised it wasn't more calories...?) (total at this place: 1750)
and on: some of these crappy jells with sugar coating: 250 or so, some apple crisp my mom cooked (also not very good or crispy more like soggy from thanksgiving and now it's already monday tasting) 250 or so. very sick feeling. and a chocolate or two 50 more. (550...i'll round up to 650 here....bc it's better to overestimate than underestimate...)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
monday early in the day entry:
very healthy a good day so far. except tom is here, but that's not a bad thing really.
980 cal. balanced meals and snacks.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
12 day avg is 2680...getting better :-)
breakfast: cooked strawberries 80, cereal and milk 270, coffee 50: 400.
snacks: tea and milk 100, banana 150. 250.
snack: bar 160
dinner: eggplant and some celery and tofu and some noodles cooked, seasoned, sauced...400, crackers 260 total here: 660.
:-)
total cal: 1470. perfecto. :-)
exercise: bike for 30 min, and weights/back/abs for probably close to 2 hours at the gym.
absolutely great day. :-) and a healthy day. good on fiber, veggies, carbs, etc.
even good on fruit.
side note: i miss him i feel like crying (but i never will actually do that.)
overate at dinner bc i could. glad i stopped before it got out of hand. i made myself a big portion so i was more than full and didn't want to reach for anything else. I am feeling really good. prepared for the week and it's only 7:40pm. And the gym gave me extra energy so i'm feeling great.
I do feel quite needy right now. wish i really did have a boyfriend here. someone a bit more real than what i have now. i wish he wasn't lacking balls so much. it would have been quite nice to see him alone this weekend. but i am happy with how it went overall.
i hope that when he comes on christmas things will be even smoother. basically, that means some time alone.
i'm feeling a little tense, nervous, shakey. i actually have time to read, i don't want to study. so i'll read this book i had taken out of the library and saved it just for this occasion of a little extra time. no more chores tonight.
because this weekend went well, i'm very motivated to stay on track and keep up with the gym until christmas/new years (and beyond of course, but this is my short term goal.)
anyway, my heart is racing a little and it's a little difficult to relax but to the book i go.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
(past 11 day calorie average has lowered a little bit to 2790)
although donkey's advice was fantastic and the best, i didn't take it last night. i started the night with a shot of tequila and went on to have 5 malibu rum/diet cokes. yup. i was fine. it seems i metabolize liquor REALLY quickly. got really sweaty too, while dancing. lol. what a great night. i'll remember donkey's advice for future occasions.
he kissed me while we were out at the bar. i was totally not expecting him to make a move last night. we danced a lot and it was the best night i have had in definitely over a year (better than the wedding i went to two weeks ago!)
i am in heaven right now.
so happy. we prob we not hang out again this weekend as he is pretty busy and will be going back to florida until christmas but this is a start. i am so glad it all worked out.
breakfast:healthy.
lunch: sorta healthy.
snack: protein bar.
dinner: healthy. but i did kinda indulge.
so overall calories might be about 2250. but i'll just record it at 2250 bc i had an overall good day.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
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