Kombucha 70
Breakfast: big banana 150, wrap 100, pb 150, honey 50 coffee 50:
Snack: 150
Lunch: leftovers spag squash with marinara sauce 200-250, egg and egg white 100, chips 250. 600.
Snack 1: shortbread sorta big cookie 100 cal
Snack: brought an apple and just realized this AM that i have nice berries in my fridge to eat this weekend / tomorrow (huge blueberries and fresh blackberries) 100 cal for apple
1550 if i have an apple also.
Dinner: tbd, maybe out to eat but not expensive I want to cook some burgers tonight :) i have two pages of chopped meat at home waiting for me...maybe good to eat a fresh burger tonight with dinner!
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Dinner was blueberries 120, burger 150, marinated mushrooms 150 and i think nothing too much else - i fell asleep. 500 tops?
2050 total for Thursday.
6day average:
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I think i'll eat extra cals tonight - closer to 2200.
Still no exercise.
Restarting my exercise routine on Sunday. I enjoy looking good, so, i will not be skipping out on exercise for longer than this week. It's going to be a constant in my life, no matter what.
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Possibly going to a library event tonight...no exercise still taking the break until prob sunday. But it's in an area that has horrible parking, so, i'll have to see. When i say horrible parking, i say i might have to pay for parking somewhere bc there's no street parking left...
The library event is author talks about a book this author wrote...i'd like to go. hear a perspective / opinions, nice to expand my mind this way...with a real live auther in person.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
6:30am Home kombucha 70, did the trick unlike yesterday.
8:30am Breakfast: big banana 150, wrap 100, cream cheese 80, salami 100, coffee 50.
11:30pm Snack: peanuts, but not many, like 150 most along with some sf candies as well.
1pm lunch: to be tasty: leftover chinese, leftover smoked salmon small piece 50, and chips lol. perfect. and water. getting off the diet soda kick. 600 after full lunch and chocolate.
Snack before massage - probably a tasty apple 100
Dinner: I am not sure, maybe fast food because the massage ends around 7:30 and that means i'll be coming home 8pm - better to eat something light and outside. cheap and easy. :-) it's fine.
McDonald's 600 Total today is 2000 :-) 5day avg: 1912
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Getting a massage tonight at 6pm that i'll go to directly from work - that i originally planned bc i thought i'd be practicing the nypd fitness test again today....either way i am still sore from friday and ready for some nice relaxation tonight after work. And, it's close to home, no more than 15-20 minutes to get home after it. and just under one hour to get there, i should get there on time as i'm leaving work just after 5pm today.
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As well as getting off the diet soda kick, I am also going to work to get off the anti-anxiety medication with the help of my doctor this year. :) Instead of finding a new dr, as long as i can be at this job, i can work on eliminating the medication and learning to better manage my life without it, hopefully! I think i'll start to get off it on this appointment or the next one, after winter passes. i'll speak to my dr late next month.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Home: kombucha 100
Breakfast: wrap 100, pb 150, honey 50, banana 120, coffee 50
Lunch: at most, 650 cals.
1200 approx cals.
1250 before dinner.
dinner: some veg with sauce 200?, serving of smoked salmon 150 most, jello 5 calories lol, drink of seltzer mixed with alcohol lemon margarita flavor 100-150. total here: 500? might be forgetting something, but i do no think so...
total i think is 1750.
4day: 1790 per day.
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Even my wrists, still sore from the trigger pull practice, hurt while I type. It'll all heal, within time. Legs, Wrists, Ankle. Everything will feel better with time.
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As you all know or don't know - I've pulled myself out of the running for Police Officer in the NYPD as i took a practice fitness test and knew based on how I felt the rest of the weekend (sore and in pain) as well as how poorly i did on the test, that i am not a good candidate to continue further in the application process.
It's upsetting thinking how in my mind I thought that i was ready and I thought it was my reality to be in, when in fact once i faced the real reality of TRYING the elements in the fitness test, it woke me up into my REAL reality that the NYPD is no longer an option for me. I had never tried the test before this past Friday. And someone of my size - probably just hovering above 110 lbs when i took it - and my low leg muscle / prior leg injuries - i couldn't withstand half of the elements on the test, if not more. I'd never have passed - i didn't know how hard it would FEEL until i took the exam for myself. It's a reality i have faced - just upset that i had it in my head that it would feel much easier and doable. I didn't realize my reality until i tried the test. I feel that I fooled myself. It's been upsetting, i'm getting over it.
I am not working out this week - my legs still hurt and even my wrists are sore from practicing with a 12lb trigger pull. I am hurting. I am glad i do NOT need to physically torture myself any more. I am looking to be easy on my body this week - no exercise plans until after the weekend or starting Sunday, depending how I feel.
Life is always different, well sometimes, than we plan. I am lucky for what i have. My father. My job now. My father told me specifically not to worry. Not to worry - that i will not be a pauper. That i'll be ok, for life. He didn't say specifics. But i can trust that, and just be good to myself, relax a bit, do what makes me happy - the gym - and perhaps work later on my legs once they are feeling better - giving them 6-8 weeks of mostly rest - I'm taking a slight break from pushing my limits, it's not necessary at this time, at all. I deserve a break now.
I'm glad i got to go on the trips in September (Colombia) and October (Vegas). I will not be traveling for awhile now - just trying to actually save some money for my own future and retirement.
I am 35 and have MANY years left to work .... i'll just be taking life for now day by day.
BCGG gave good advice, but for now i am going to relax. I am a bit overwhelmed from all the pushing i did to myself...the running since last spring...just doing everything in my power to help myself to the NYPD. but sometimes, my best is not what is best or suitable for another organization's requirements. I did my best. That's all i can do.
But for now, i need to rest / relax both my body and mind. I will relax thru the rest of fall and thru december. I have already paid for a few local events to attend (wasting money, yup). but they willl be fun. local. to me, this is fun and good in life. I'll do this more - and more free local events. Lots of free. Lots of library events that i like. I'm going to enjoy life as best i can, and keep this job, as long as they don't kick me out. Which they haven't.
I do not enjoy my job and it is stressful the type of work that i don't know well, but i'll stick it out - the money is actually GOOD right now...way better than i'll get ANYWHERE else possibly - and that is a reality. So, i'll show up, on time, and leave, on time.
I'll do what i can to keep this job and keep a low profile here at work. Not open my mouth to cause a ruckus. I'll be ok, for now, for a year maybe a few years. That's all i can think about, for now.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
I really need those things, before making any further decisions for now. I am lucky i have the opportunity to take time and rest...and not be having to look for jobs, etc., or doing anything else that luckily i do not need to do.
At least i can just relax, finally. No pushing, no hoping, no thinking about what i have to do next for this time being now.
THANK YOU.
I realize i should feel what i need to feel, feel the upset feelings, but then move forward.
If i were fit enough cardio/leg wise for the nypd, i would have gone but it's not a realistic opportunity any more.
I will go back to my 3x a week weights sessions at the gym, take a break fully from running, and go back into cycling later on, when i feel fully better (2 months).
Do you job hunt at all? What would you even be interested in doing now?
I'm sure after you rest, you will have a new lease on life and some new doors will open. good luck.
I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's what will be for now for me.
Struggling a bit. My cardio is horrible - didnt train it really at all - and a lot of the PO test is based on having decent cardio. plus i'm a female. my arm muscles don't seem to have a lot of pull on my passing of the exam.
My legs are tender and sore. My legs feel like fire is on the outside of my lower legs. My wrists are sore from practicing too much with a 10-11lb pistol. Yes, i am complaining. Yes, i hurt.
Dealing with inner anxiety about the whole PO process. And wonderfing if my leg pain (on outer lower legs) is mostly anxiety-caused.
Home: kombucha 70
work: some coffee 30, wrap 100, honey 50, peanut butter 150 330. and most of a banana 100
11:30 peanuts 150
2pm lunch: squash 100, sauce 50, chicken burger 150, chips 200: 500 total.
1150 total.....
3:30pm snack: crackers 120
more crackers on way home = 60
1350 calories today.
Skipped dinner. 3day: 1800 per day.
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On another note, I removed myself from the process of applying for PO for the NYPD. I am no longer an applicant and cancelled it.
The leg pain, whether it was anxiety or not, was too much to bear for the weekend and still today. I will now take it very easy this week.
When i feel better, i'll start by changing my entire routine. Additionally, I will stop running for awhile....and switch to the bike. Short periods of time.
I will restart with 3days a week gym sessions like I used to....and do a little cardio during those sessions.
No more 2 days a week jogging and 2 days a week weights....I'm going back to my preference. and relaxing this Winter.
No, I will not be a police officer in this lifetime.
I wouldn't have been able to bear the course and would have eventually gotten injured. I know my limitations - my legs are not strong.
My upper body, yes, i've trained it years, but based on the practice test, i discovered for myself that i was in no way ready for the academy test or training...and rather than waste all my 5 days that i have left this year on going into NYC and applying for something that would have ended very poorly, i decided just to pull out and PULL OUT NOW.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Even if i did my best, it was my best. I am really proud of myself. And now i'll rest my legs until they feel better. And live my life as it plays out...and everything will be OK, for now.
I'll try to save my money...and it seems this is the VERY BEST job i will have and i hope to have it as long as i possibly can...
life is always different than we think we've planned. the test was very, very hard and now i'm paying the consequences and boy do my legs HURT right now. Just constant pins and needles. Like a fire on the outside of my lower legs.
Rest up...another dream awaits!
I did cry quite a bit this AM over having to make the only (right) choice. At least I still have 5 days off to use from now until new days start up in April. LOL. and i got a couple nice vacations in....during this Fall.
Now, i'm going to live life more at home..no travels i mean. pray i don't get fired in the next couple years. and just work towards being healthy again. taking off the diet drinks again and i may wean off coffee, again.
i'll try again to be healthier. and try to realize more that there is another dream that awaits.
thank you for your kindness.
i just need to NOT get fired / lose a job.
I am in NO SHAPE to do lots of running. it would have been a waste to ever leave this job.
Taking a deep breath and doing what i can now here at this job.
You've gotten some very good, wise advice & insight from others here; take it.
In my journey, I found that riding the bike is a lot more enjoyable than running or even walking that I thought it would ever be; this might apply to you too. I know it's much kinder on the back/hips/knees/legs. Probably kinder on the ankles too.
Now your workouts can be just for YOU.
I DO want to work on my legs and one day be able to do better, have more strength. Not now while they heal, obviously.
I do appreciate the cycling / biking advice. I will prob take up cycling. I know a good instructor at my gym, a friend of mine, older and retired with TWO KNEE REPLACEMENTS and she is strong as THE ROCK! I think that's a wrestler's name!?
I am going to relax. First off, i'm going back to those weight routines i loved most at 3x a week...and i'll see my strength improve greatly again.....thanks for all your good words.
one thing i cannot do -- is take any classes in estimating for what i do now - i refuse. My dad will be ok with my choice. It'll be ok. I want to enjoy my time out of work how i want to do it - and i refuse to sit in a classroom.
7:30am Kombucha and plums 150
8:30am Breakfast: bar and peanut butter 350, coffee 50 400
11:30 Snack: banana 150
12:45 Lunch: chips and chicken burger 450
total so far: 1150, very good..
Snack afternoon: fruit?
1500 healthy before dinner .....
Dinner: TBD
2050 cals total.
2 day avg: 2000
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Dinner was too light so I woke up in middle of night to snack.
I did sleep many hours and woke up with the sun rather than an annoying alarm!
2am Banana and fiber 1 cookie 250
8:30am sweet breakfast: plum and a persimmon 100, kombucha 100, i want another cookie 120. 320-350
lunch 12pm: chinese veg 200 and chips 250. 450.
lunch 2pm: chicken burger 150 in wrap 100- finally cooked them and they are so tasty especially when FRESH and warm hot out of the oven!!!!!!!!!! yum. 250.
snack around 4pm: light ice cream / some coffee 200
dinner: little bit of smoked salmon 100, 2 garlic knots 200, spaghetti squash with some sauce 150: 450., having something to drink, yes. 150
total today: 1950, great!.
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planning to eat dinner out of what i have here - lots of spaghetti squash will be on the menu as i just cooked 2 and one of them was huge...added up to like between 10-12 cups of squash.
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Not many plans. First breakfast. Then having kombucha and reading. Later a shower and laundry and I might Just do laundry tomorrow. I am relaxing for now!
12:15pm - laundry is just finishing, hamster cage has been cleaned, Ricky is coming over to visit...AND he's fixing my practice gun because it has the wrong spring inside (only 8 lbs) and i need him to unscrew it with his screwdriver (i don't have the right type of sdriver) and i need to put in the 10-11 lb spring. the one for the test at the academy is 12 lbs...so at least i'll be close when i practice at home, for two weeks. my test is the day after Thanksgiving...I am going to try my hardest to pass it that day....i will have to work / rest and try not to both underdo or overdo. It will not be easy for me, at all...but i'm working towards it.
No exercise today. easy day. glad i have leftover chinese from yesterday. enjoying having veggies home and not going out till 6pm as i have a MASSAGE at 6:30 today and i believe it's for 1 whole hour...that's good.
tomorrow i'm seeing a $20 band concert with Ricky. i thought it was free, but i want to keep the plans and enjoy. I'll be at the gym tomorrow evening, instead of this afternoon as i'm slightly sore and want to RELAX.
The massage is prepaid and i get charged $60 per month. i don't want to get rid of it - as i like the massages.
However, funds are not going to be great - it seems - from now till January at my job as i'm taking days off - but i can manage.
I'll keep my 25% before tax deduction i think i do 25% right now - 401k deductions as savings is VERY important to me. And i'll just manage and all the activities i have lined up from now till January are prepaid and i have already paid back my cards. I wanted to see one last show, if it's $45 i'll do it, otherwise, i'm done spending for the season.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Therefore, a nice relaxing day is definitely in order :-)
I'm a bit overwhelmed right now, so taking a few breaths and realizing this is what i wanted...and just wondering if it's possible anymore.
Happy Veteran's Day Observance Day!
Kombucha: 80
And honey 50 and banana 120. 250 total
Breakfast:
Wrap with pb 250, coffee 50. 300. 550.....
Late 2pm lunch Chinese rice too much 450, shrimp 200, veg 250, cookies 350 ...
1800.....a bit much ....
dinner: 450 - chinese eggplant in garlic sauce, margarita canned drink
2250.
weekly avg: 2250.
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I am off from work and headed (driving in) to NYC to take an hour's tutoring for the phyiscal fitness test for the NYPD. It's just practice and optional tuturing. I am glad i signed up for it - good to have a pre-test and know what will be happening for real in 2 weeks. I'm glad they had the tutoring available today on my day off or I probably wouldn't have participated in the tuturing!
Then, I might be having lunch with a friend who lives also in NYC, a mile from where I will be. We didn't make plans - I'll call her when my tutoring session is over. It's from 11am-12pm. I prepaid for parking for $16 for the whole day, which is awesome - people pay more like $50 if they don't do what i did - pay in advance / look for the deals online.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
6:30am Home: kombucha and honey 100
8am Breakfast coffee 50, wrap 100, pb 150, cinnamon, banana 120.
9:30am Snack: Rice Krispie Treat 80...still on a sugar kick...tasty but not needed.
I really need to stop the sugars mostly because they just make me hungrier...
10:30am peanuts 150
11:45...small piece of a homemade sugar free chocolate muffin, wasn't bad was quite light. 50? SO HUNGRY.
Lunch was too big, but good. 750. too many chips is the reason.
snack: apple 100
rice krispie treat 100
1750..too much food lately.
mcdonalds dinner. 500 and i did this time buy a side salad to eat with small fries and 4 nuggets.
2250 :)
6day avg: 2225 :-)
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Home: kombucha and honey 100
Work: coffee with milk 50, wrap 100, with pb 150, banana 120: 420.
Several Snacks m&m fun size 70 and kit Kat fun size 80. 150, peanuts 80-100
1pm Lunch: leftover Chinese food for dinner with my added cabbage since i ate the chinese veg last night lol...it's mostly chicken in some sauce and i added my cabbage, i'll also eat some corn chips...700 cal, overindulged in chips again, very tasty.
4pm Snack: plum 50
1500
Snack 2 before jogging at GYM (not gonna jog outside tonight) Rice Krispie treat, i'll jog only between 1 mile to 1.5 miles then BED and relaxing back at home.!!!!!!! been a long, eventful week already.
1600 before dinner, whatever dinner is (probably dunkin donuts)
Dinner back at home:rest of the chicken from the chinese, perhaps, .....tbd.
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At work on time today - all the rest doesn't even matter lol.
Total 2250.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Home: kombucha and extra kombcha and honey 150
Breakfast: banana 120, coffee 50, wrap 100, pb 150, kit kat fun size 80. total here: 500, 100 cal pack peanut m&m's
Noon lunch: decided to eat early and be happy. one egg and one egg white 120, lots of eggplant spread i am supposed to eat it by tomorrow or throw out! 150, little bit cabbage not enough to even calculate, chips 250 extra servings tasty corn chips that i LOVE right now: 550 tops
Snack: Plum 50, maybe something else also like a half a small snack package 50 more. total 100.
1400, excellent, before what i would like to be a healthy dinner!
Dinner at my apt: prob picking something up, had completely enough with everything ... just taking easy road right now and resting tonight.
So dinner was Chinese vegetable soup 100, the fried chips they give 200-250?, and chicken 200? chop suey 200? and a beer 150. total here: 850 tops.
total today is fine: 2250. indulgent week, i'd say!
and i voted, driving thru and walking thru the rain to do it after work!
4day average: 2210. just fine :)
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For the past month, my weight has been either 112 or even a hair lower or even a hair higher. i am content. i don't weigh myself often, just when i feel curious. my clothes fit just fine. i feel fine. I met my goals in terms of weight loss. and in general, i have been maintaining for approx 1.5 years. never in my life did i maintain as well as i do now. i know i'll continue to have ups and downs, but i am prepared this time around with more knowledge about calorie needs and exercise than i ever did have before.
For 1.5 years, i have weighed + or - 115 lbs. and at first i did gain right after my sisters wedding almost 5 lbs, but i got it back down the same month and under control. everything is possible...it's up to us to do the actions to make the possible a reality.
With my skills and needs and accomplishments and past failures, i can tackle maintenance and continue to be successful at it, as long as i keep making and taking the effort. As long as i continue to strive to be how i want to be - as long as i make the choices to help myself in this way - as long as i continue, it will be good for me.
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It must be sorta healthy dinner (i'll cook my chicken or turkey burgers tonight and eat one maybe or we'll see...doing too much...because i am beginning to break out bc tons of sugar and not the best eating and hormones.
Woke up around 5...but got ready slowly and took my time taking me to leaving my apt at 7am this morning and now earlier as planned - just didn't wanna leave before 7am - so sue me! lol
So got to the social security office around 7:30am and waiting on line, outside in windy cold 45 degrees, till past 8. then finally we go in, more waiting, now i'm upstairs at 8:40 took a ticket to wait, but ran down to put money in the meter. got back up with just enough time to be seen and my ticket was going to get skipped had i gotten upstairs any later. so i made it. i finally got into work at 9:45, almost 2 whole hours late. To make up one hour, i'll work thru lunch. then, i have 40 minutes from last week. I will then make up the last 20 minutes by staying LATE 20 min and i'll just do work for myself at that point - NYPD forms i'll continue to do. Now i have my job detailed report everything since high school, so, i can finish writing up my jobs.
After work, I'll vote. I didn't do it early in the morning as planned bc i left late already....so, i just decided to skip it until after work....i might just pick up a healthy dinner tonight that is balanced and call it a night.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
i have also had two times in my life where i let my weight spiral, and just like you, after my weight got out of hand (out of hand from my normal), i also went to eat everything and anything. i felt i had no control, so i didn't even try.
I will never let that happen again. That's why i also watch the scale here and there, when i can't tell by my clothes because they are fitting ok, i step on the scale to be sure. That's also why i do weekly calorie counts - i can see an average and i can also see where i go astray and/or if i have to change anything. it's my way to stay accountable...and there are many ways - not only my way. my way is what works for me though!
it's good it's happening slowly for you bc the slower the better....slower means you are getting used to the changes and learning your body and learning what works / doesn't and usually when you lose weight slowly, like i did the last and final time, it can stay off because you actually learn the maintenance a bit while you are losing...it's not all a drastic diet.
Well done on the food. And I especially appreciated your introspective, retrospective.
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We had always used our library for things like that too........back when we were in the city. Have fun!
Yes, i should totally go...i'll see...it's right after work, so i may just go home to cook some turkey burgers, and eat a healthy dinner.
But YES, i'll be def going to more library events :)
there's another author event coming up and it's more interesting a book topic...nazi germany, and Jewish author i believe, which is more up my alley. so i may go to that one, or try to do this one tonight, not eager to go alone...that's why...plus, it's from 6-7:30 so i'd be getting home late again...not sure i can do it again after last night getting home late too....even though i said i wanted to....
options, options :) doesn't mean i need to actually do anything lol.
i am enjoying having no urgency lately. for now. it's nice to not have to be busting my a$$ for anything coming up around the corner, it's the opposite mindset that i'm used to.
bearcountrygg on 11/16/2017:
Definitely more relaxing now....enjoy!