OMG! I binged again!!!! the weight is creeping on... i've had 3200 calories and its 10:15am...i need a life and a job!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok...i'm done averaging days and doing calculations...for now on, i'm living one day to the next. i know if i'm eating badly or not. i'll only add up calories each day...but no more averaging all the days together, etc.
this method hasn't helped me because i relied too much on the future to balance out the terrible eating i do in the present!
my goal of 50 exercise hours, that i didn't meet last month...i will definitely meet this month! that's pretty darn exciting. Now, if i could just get off my butt the rest of the day!
hi all.
Dinner was good...a grilled chicken salad with some kinda dressing in it as well as cheddar cheese and avacado. i didn't eat all the avacado or cheese. then, starbucks after (since i DON'T drink...) for a blended blueberry drink haha. then, we went back to the hotel he was staying at, hung out...and i'll let you save the rest for your imagination. yep. however, nothing too crazy. but there was some action. LOL. Actually, i wasn't expecting this...but didn't mind it either.
okay, so, i ate a moderate amount before going out...
so i think calories are: 2030
exercise today: 20 min bike in morning.
total aug: 42 hrs, 5 min
sunday update:
some good things: i'm going into NYC tonight to meet up with a friend...for dinner, which is always stressful, but hopefully there'll be great things on the menu. i told him it he could choose so i don't know where we're going!
also, breakfast was a dunkin donuts egg vegetable and cheese on a wheat bagel. It actually hit the spot, amazingly! i also had a plum before going out to get the dunkin donuts. calories so far: 520.
today, i'm going to spend time writing some application essays to the radiography schools, instead of procrastinating and binging like yesterday. I may practice the french horn...if i do, it'll be for an hour only. not sure if that's gonna happen. i also may ride my bike, i'm going to take a break from walking today...let my ankle get stronger...
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Saturday entries:
this is CRAZY!
bad binge at 4:30 pm...i was doing GREAT all day...lots of small meals...mostly on protein/snack bars. then, binge! chips, cookies, pb, nuts.
total cal: 4,100 exercise: 5 miles = 1 hr, 40 min plus some elliptical = 2 hrs, 25 min!
total aug:41 hrs, 45 min
Hope you had a good time in NYC!
That sounds like quite a binge on saturday, but then again, that's an amazing amount of exercise (at least its amazing to me). Hope I can get there some day!
you have no idea how much i appreciate the feedback i get from DD members on days like today, no idea! I thank you all for helping me through this trying time! :)
calories: 4780. yup.
exercise: 2 hr, 20 min...i told myself i had to get out there!
total for august: 39hrs, 20 min
MASSIVE, 2800 calorie binge breakfast.
oh...my...i just had a second slice of pizza...total calories so far are: 4200!!! the pizza was folowed by pastries and cookies...the parents recently went to a wedding...and the treats are here in the house.
4200 calores, 11:27am....feeling gross....
i saw there was a music job posted online...and it gave me soooo much stress that i ate like a maniac this morning. since it put me under such anxiety, i'm choosing to not apply... i will only apply...and it will probably be too late...after i observe on Tuesday for Radiography. and, i would only apply for the music job if for some strange reason i don't like the radiography program...but that would be practically impossible. I can almost promise you, and me, that I will LOVE the field of radiography and that I will be happy doing it. It just stinks that I haven't been accepted to the program and its not certain I will be. but, it is also really close to the start of school...and i cannot put myself under such stress...i really can't.
Come talk to Donkey before bingeing over something like applying for a job. Hugs!!!
today turned out good calorie and exercise wise. I've also been keeping in touch with all of my friends...and most are supportive of my decision...this makes me feel GREAT! :) I'm going on Tuesday morning to observe the Radiography program/radiography technicians at a hospital by me (only 10 minutes away!) from 8:30am till 11am. I NEED to give them a good impression. Although it's not an interview, it is their first impression of me...and i don't want it to be my last and final impression! no way!!! I'm soooo excited to be hopefully a candidate for this field and I really, really, really, want it to work out! I would be thrilled. To me, it is a complete second chance at life. Second chance and only other change. If it doesn't work out...I will have to look into teaching once again. I would apply to NYC schools and suck it up and hopefully get a job in sept 2008. but, my real goal right now is getting into radiography school in sept 2008. My fingers are crossed.
Nobody has called me about my MRI results..i'm calling in the morning.
I have to continue teaching French horn lessons...because i cannot fully close the music door since the radiography door is not yet fully opened... this is SO frustrating...as i intend to sell my horn if this new field works. LOL, i don't plan on selling right away...but it would no longer be a job or hobby for me. Once i leave...if i do...i leave forever. Maybe i would save my horn, not sure. I know i wouldn't be picking it up to play for awhile...i need a major break. starting tomorrow, i'm picking it up to practice again..since i have to teach a few lessons starting saturday morning. blah
i'm going out to dinner on sunday with a friend...i'll give more details on that to come.
total calories: 1860 total exercise today: 2 hrs, 10 min (walked 6.5 miles) Went out to walk twice today...i can't do it all at once...my ankle won't permit it because of pain and weakness!)
total aug exercise: 37 hours!!!! :)
Thursday edit:
so far, it was tea and a plum...i will have some kind of protein bar before i exercise at the park in a couple minutes. I'm also going to bring a book to read there. One of the faculty members at the radiography schools called me and asked for me to call her back. All the other schools don't necessarily want to be bothered until their application process officially begins. I had told her i was interested in observing...so it may be about that. i called another school witht he same question...and they said i'd have to pass the entrance exam..even to just observe! I hope that this school...the one that has reached out to me...offers the same quality program in comparison with the others...it should.... more updates to come....
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Wednesday:
i totally feel the need to look great...to look great! I kept thinking that while exercising today! :)
didn't hear about the ankle MRI results, yet. probably tomorrow. hopefully!
calories: 1950...binge in afternoon though.
exercise: 2 hr, 20 min (walking, elliptical, bike)
total aug: 34 hr, 50 min
Thanks for the comment and question, I get that alot. I tried to answer it (short version) on my entry for today. Can you ship some of your energy with workouts, sure need some.
Sandra
My aunt and uncle live in China and they brought me Chinese tea the last time they visited. It's got more of a toned-down flavor than American tea, but I love it and it seems to give me lots of energy. Tea sure is the way to go to get in that last bit of water for the day. I always start my day off with a cup. Okay, 'nuff blabbing. Take care!
Wednesday edit: blahhh! what's up with me! i keep binging in the late morning/early afternoon. today's calories will fall between 1900-2000 again. i just need to keep up the exercise... am going to the gym now..
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Tuesday:
today's calories: 1980...another close call!
today's exercise: 2 hours great!
total aug. exercise: 32 hrs, 30 min
so, i had breakfast, 2 snacks, a LARGE BINGY lunch of over 1100 calories, LATE evening snack of 170.
Lately, i've been eating a really large lunch..gotta watch that. I'm trying to occupy myself as much as possible. soon enough i'll be working...even if its subbing.
interestingly, the old director from this past school year emailed me, saying there may be a position for 10 weeks in the middle of the school year and to let her know if i want it. well, considering i'm probably not going to be doing much besides subbing, i'll probably say yes that i am interested. LOL. this is like a never-ending decision. I'm also looking into applying to all of the schools for radiology. some accept applications as early as september.
everything is up in the air. by the time I have any steady job, i'll probably be 28 yrs old.
Tuesday:
well, i am not looking into the field of nursing anymore. But, I am looking into programs in Radiography. Those are the people who operate mri equipment, x-ray equipment, and technology of that nature. as some of you know, i recently had an mri done...and i saw some of what this career is about. I plan to go in and observe very soon. also, i will probably be substitute teaching this year...since the earliest program i can get into is in sept 2008. I think this would be a wise move for me, as i would be content with it. It would be great to get into a program this year...haha. but, you need to have patience in life. it seems that programs like radiology technology schools only take between 10-20 students per year and the application process starts the year before.
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Monday:
ummm... 100 calorie breakfast
snack/lunch binge of 1600 calories
snack: 100 calories
late snack: 180 calories
total = 1980. i saved the day. thank god!
exercise: 1 hr elliptical
total exercise august: 30 hr, 30 min
When will you find out about your MRI results?
hello!
i'm soooo glad i'm getting the mri of my ankle tomorrow. i walked 3 miles and had to stop today. it made me sad! i started to feeling a sharp pain in the heal of my foot...and could not continue.
so, i went to try on some clothes today and got a little nervous. haha. nothing fit. it was a spur of the moment shopping...a store on the way home. so, now i know it is really important to work my body...maybe start to swim even though i don't want to. it all takes time... bad thing is, i probably can't swim till my shoulder is fixed! I feel like i'm a 25 year old mess! ha
ummm...hmmm... i ate...it'll be 6 times today. one of them being a diet drink. eh, let's say i had 5 meals.
one was a ton of ice cream from this "healthier" ice cream store called tasti delite. lower cal, but not as low cal as if i could make the ice cream myself. i enjoy their assortment of over 100 flavors and they change each day. 6 flavors a day. so, i had about 30 ounces of ice cream, but that was just 510 calories. get ice cream somewhere else, and it'd be like double the calories for that much ice cream! however, i'll probably order a little less next time.
total calories: 1750
total exercise: 60
aug exercise: 29 hrs, 30 min
I don't blame you about swimming (or rather, not swimming). Swimming is not my favorite thing to do either. However, if it were the only thing I could do, would I do it? I don't know...
Anyway, let us know how the MRI goes!! Good luck again!!!
Sunday AM edit: for breakfast, my appetite was actually supressed...probably due to the bulk still in my system from last night. sooo...i had two plums and then went out to the stores for the newspapers and grocery shopping.
I bought my next "meal" at a specialty store. It was dried vegetable chips and also a large chocolate chip cookie and a shot of wheat grass. Total calories for that was 315.
then, i thought i was going to go to the boardwalk to take a walk...but got stalled by thinking about jobs and other occupations which i may be good at. i had a discussion with my parents.
after doing more research and sitting around, i was hungry again. I had kelp noodles, two red peppers, a good fiber-filled wrap, and some fried tofu. (all of that for only 410 calories = good and filling). sometimes, i find it easy to binge when i have things like the wrap or the cookie this morning. however, because i have been eating every few hours, it is easier to feel satisfied. also, i had a ton of bulky, filling food!
alright. i'm gonig to clean the bathroom and then i'm off to the park - to read and walk...and bike ride. that's the plan anyway.
i was going to practice...but, you know what? I'm not doing that now. It's not a daytime priority.
BY THIS WAY...THIS IS WHERE MY MOM AND I DIFFER. I TAKE PHYISCAL EXERCISE AND CALORIES AND FOOD PRETTY SERIOUSLY. I EAT A LOT OF STRANGE THINGS. SHE DOESN'T. SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HAVING 'MUSCLE' OR BEING IN A CERTAIN SHAPE. SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHY I DO. is this because i'm obsessing? or, are we just different? i'm not sure. =================================================================
Saturday Night:
i'm not sure about cals. I went out to dinner. to be safe, hopefully saying 2050 calories is a good estimate. goodnight, all!
so today has been an overall good day.
lol, i finally put away all the laundry that has been sitting around in the basement. i still need to clean the bathroom. I'll do that tomorrow morning.
now, i'm going to practice the french horn...i don't want to, but i have to. i have to until i know for sure that i am not continuing to teach music. I will be writing more about this in days to come...
i've eaten 5 mini-meals today...with one more tonight at the Grand Lux Cafe. there is hardly anything healthy on their menu...and i'm not kidding. all of the choices are irrestable. of course, you can make things healthier by request. ehh. i'm not into that. their summer rolls look good and i'll order steamed vegetables on the side.
meals:
breakfast was around 435 cal. (egg whites and oatmeal, plums...something else, but can't remember what...)
snack: 180 or so (seaweed, chicken, drink...weird mix)
snack: 230 (marathon bar and energy drink)
snack: 450 (large amount of lo cal ice cream)
snack: 120 (3 vegetables, one fruit)
I think i do best with 6 meals a day. It's just hard to resist the temptation to eat a lot at one of them...making it hard to eat 6 times if you are going to overeat.
so far:
exercise: 70 min (3.5 miles...my ankle kept hurting!)
calories: 1450. if i eat the summer rolls and vegetables tonight, i'll be good. if i order a dessert or anything else on the menu, it'd be easier to go way over 2000 for the day...
total exercise in aug: 28 hrs, 30 min
so, i would like to get into swimming as there is a pool near me that i can use year round free of charge. BUT, I DON'T love swimming! Nope. I don't like wearing a bathing suit. but, it'd be great for my ankle...no pressure. and great for my health. arg! so not a fan of the pool. not at all. but, i guess i'm willing to overcome it for my health! it's such a good workout...i bet it would be fun to do, especially in the winter!! I could maybe do that and yoga. that's it. i haven't restarted yoga yet, not until i'm more set on my future and what's going on in the fall.
as for tomorrow: clean bathroom, pratice horn - yuck, bike ride at park, supermarket/get newspapers, walk at park. that's it lol. i'm trying to not give myself a thousand things to do if i don't have to.
today was in fact a much better day. It was a little rocky food-wise in the AM, but got better...probably because i got busier throughout the day.
anyways, i went to the boardwalk with a friend and got some good exercise in...followed by a little more later in the evening. sadly, i'm going to have to seriously watch the amount of stress i'm putting on my ankle, because i can see it's in bad shape. luckily, the MRI is Monday...that's good. then, i'll know what's wrong...or not wrong. hopefully, it can be FIXED.
today's calories: 1750 (i had actually planned on 2,000...i think i will, for now on, wake-up with the 2,000 calorie notion in my head...)
today's exercise: 2 hrs.
total Aug. exercise: 27 hrs, 20 min
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Alright HOP! You sound like I woman who is ready to "take names and kick butt"! I laughed out loud at your "there was some action", "wasn't expecting this but didn't mind it either" comments! Some of life's best stuff is "unexpected" - just keep that in mind! Have a wonderful day!
Donkey on 08/27/2007:
Have you considered applying for a job at a hospital? I mean, you want to become a radiologist, why not get some hospital experience under your belt? It will look really good on your application and/or your resume. Who knows, you might even get the hospital to pay for your classes.
Even if you do not WANT to apply for hospital jobs, start calling a few up and ask to volunteer. Even one or 2 days a week. Again, it is something that you can put on a resume or application to school for radiology.
At least if you volunteer, it will add some purpose and some structure to your days. I mean, it'd be nicer to get paid for your time, but I think you need something NOW to provide structure and purpose. Really, I think it could pay off in the long run.
Think about it....