hello!
much better day today. it seems that when i have a least some kind of schedule, things go better. when i have a totally open day...but things on my mind and work to do (but no other planned activities) a binge is more likely to occur. i'm working on that!
exercise today: 145 minutes (60 yoga, 10 bike, 30 weights, 45 cardio)
total calories: 1520.
total exercise in July: 15 hrs, 25 min.
i had a concert tonight...since it was raining it was inside in an elementary school gym! haha! usually we play in parks in the evenings!
i performed "ok." sometimes, i think if i should GO BACK to school for something else. I'm still young, so it's feasable. I don't know. My dad supports me if i do make that decision. my mom probably wouldn't...but she'd have to if he does. I'd have to work though school if i go back, obviously. i'm seriously thinking about it. I'd go back to work in a health field...maybe a nurse practicioner (kinda like a doctor.) but, it may be too much schooling...and i do need to make a decent living soon! I can't just live on nothing and go to school forever.
so, i'm really trying to think what's best for me...and what i can handle financially. it's good i still live at home...even though i'd prefer it some other way.
basically, employment and if it happens will play a major role in my decision. my parents say that if i had a job right now, i wouldn't thinking about a career change. I say that i like music, i don't love it. if i had to stop playing horn tomorrow, i would. i would always enjoy going to concerts and hearing/seeing performances.
Basically, i want to be happy for the rest of my life....and not dissatisfied with myself or my choices. as i get older, i will have less of a chance to make changes and decisions in what i do. especially my occupation.
i'm a decent musician. i must practice A LOT in order to be that way. like most musicians...but some things don't come as naturally as others.
i frequently feel that i have been unable to take part in things i enjoy because of my involvement in community performance groups and whatnot. meaning, sometimes my exercise routine gets hampered...like during the year...not now, of course.
i don't want to make a wrong decision. to tell you the truth, i have a hard time making decisions and i've been completely indecisive since, well, forever! so, maybe it's a good thing for me to change careers now. meaning, partly why i went into it is because i was just following a path that was already decided by those around me...my mom certainly influenced my decision to go the music education route. it's a good route...but maybe not the route for me. basically, my decision will be made based on how getting a job progresses in the next couple months. in many ways, i would rather just switch career choices now. but of course, money plays a role in all of this...getting a whole different degree is not exactly cheap.
what do you think?
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
total cal: 2140
exercise: 30 min cardio
total July: 13 hrs exercise
5:30pm: 1 pepper, 3 plum tomatoes: 1920 calories.
afternoon edit: 2 green peppers. current total: 1830.
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ahhh: BINGE for breakfast.
breakfast = 1770 calories!
what i need to do is to keep reminding myself that my body is like a temple...not a trash yard. whenever i'm thinking down, i'll indulge, because i already think i'm garbage...but it's only making it worse. I had decided last night that i wouldn't go to yoga today...because i need to do much more work...and this is what happens!
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
Total JULY minutes: 12 hrs, 30 min!
Today is turning into a 100% better day than yesterday. Even saying this helps!
exercise was great: 150 minutes (60 yoga, 10 bike, 30 weights, 50 elliptical) :) yay.
calories: to be updated.
I definitely have a lot of work to do before the night is done...so i'm off to comment and do some work!
Yoga was great...although my body was starting to be ultra sensitive and i was thinking it was because of "TOM" as lately I have been feeling this way. Probably a little under a week. My TOM is slightly irregular but getting better. so, anyway, i bike home...and when i enter the door practically, TOM finally arrives.
sorry if that was all too much info, but i was very happy about how that worked out....otherwise i might have been VERY embarrassed in yoga - i was wearing loose shorts! I'm glad nothing happened! LOL
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
total july exercise: 10 hrs.
total cal: 1540
total exercise: bike ride, 45. pathetic, to say the least. not even an ounce of walking. no yoga.
i've been overeating lately, even though i am staying at 1500 per day. 800/900 calorie lunches. Today, i had 140 cal for breakfast, a snack of 360, snack of 10 cal, snack 140,lunch 585, snack 60, . This only leaves me 215 for dinner. arg.
i tried on clothes today...it seems that i've gone up "1/2" a size. I'm now inbetween sizes, nothing looked that good...I'm going to have to deal with it. i have class in a week. its my goal to try to keep up with the exercise...move around always, quit acting so lazy at home.
i know i'm focussing a lot on phyiscal fitness...i'm obsessing thinking about it because i'm nervous about my class....alright...back to work...
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
evening edit:
No cardio today. :( I wasted some time in the afternoon and now i'm just doing my work tonight! Next summer....no classes...haha, unless i choose to take something on my own....but it'll be less stress no matter what! Nothing compares to the class i'm taking now! Once its done and my term paper for another class is done...it's on to a better committment to exercise!!! :)
Exercise today: 70 min (10 bike, 60 yoga)
calories:
Total July exercise: 9 hrs, 25 min
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Good afternoon!
I went to yoga this morning and did really well! Because the weather was nice, I biked there since it's pretty close.
I had a good breakfast and had a small coconut drink during practice. When i came home, I had a large lunch, 820 calories. I didn't think i was going to eat that much...and, once again, it was a "controlled binge." I stopped so that I had at least 300 calories to spare for the rest of the day (dinner). I ate lunch around 12:30. so, my calories are now 1160. This leaves me about 340 till the end of the evening so that the grand total is 1500.
more updating to come.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
Saturday Morning Edit:
I will have a GOOD DAY today :)
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total July exercise: 8hrs 15min
total exercise today 90 (30 weights, 30 treadmill, 15 bike, 15 elliptical)
total calories: 1500. :)
EDIT 3: I PROBABLY SHOULD NOT BE WASTING MY TIME HERE...ANOTHER WHATEVER. SADLY, I TOLD MY MOM ABOUT THE INTERVIEW. SO, SHE'LL KILL ME IF I SAY I DIDN'T GO. I'LL PROBABLY END UP TELLING HER I DID. :( I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE PRESSURE. :( OTHERWISE, I'LL HAVE TO INVEST IN THE STRONGEST PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( I DON'T TAKE MEDS...BUT I'M SURE GONNA NEED THEM SOON!)
EDIT 2: WHATEVER. IT'S DONE. I FREAKING CANCELLED THE INTERVIEW! :( LIFE SERIOUSLY SUCKS.
edit: should i just cancel my interview???? then, i'd be wrecking my chances. supposedly the job doesn't call for much piano playing. but, i really don't want any more stress right now. i'm probably being LAZY...but, honestly, i can't handle anything else. maybe other people can, but i CAN'T. I'm cancelling the interview.
I AM SOOOO ANGRY!
Remember how i said I wouldn't take any job interviews until the class is over!? Well, I did! and I need to practice piano for it! I haven't played piano in SOOOOOOO long. If i cannot get good enough by Monday, when the interview is, I will not go...I'll simply call in the morning to cancel. This really SUX, to put it lightly. I cannot have all these distractions....and I'm not going to be successful with anything if i keep having to do interviews and stuff. I'm so angry.
I binged after breakfast...one of those slower, more controlled, like "why am i doing this?" binges. Breakfast was good, bran, yogurt, and sugar free jelly. then, i had the new ice cream single servings...but actually two servings per container, ice cream put out by blue bunny. I SHOULDN'T HAVE bought them. i thought i'd be able to control having only one at a time...and i thought that they at first only have one serving because that's what they're called so for the first time in a long time i didn't read the nutritional info as carefully...and then i realized at home that they were double servings. so, after breakfast, i had 700 more calories, because i had two cantainers of ice cream at two servings in each one. (4 servings ice cream.)
breakfast calories: 920 Lunch/Snack: 240
total so far: 1160
today may or may not be a 1500 day.
i am really getting angry, upset, and sick of life at the moment! who wouldn't!?
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
thanks to those who left me positive, assuring comments.
Calories: 1500 :)
exercise: 120 min (60 yoga, 50 elliptical, 10 bike)
goodnight all.
I will comment on diaries tomorrow/Friday.
total minutes for July: 6 hrs, 45 min.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
yesterday was a TERRIBLE binge.
today was a 990 binge on breakfast.
doing work. i know its the 4th of July. NO plans. DO NOT want plans...too much work to do. even if i do chill here in between doing work, that's fine. i just cannot be out, when i have work on my mind.
exercise is none so far, i'll update that tomorrow if i do. i decided not to go to yoga, because i didn't want to be a in VERY crowded room. I know how people get and many classes were cancelled due to the holiday! so, i wasn't going to go, after binging last night, looking and feeling crappy with many extra people around.
calories are 1530. pretty amazing. if i don't stay somewhat low the rest of these next couple weeks, i'll regret it standing in front of everyone conducting them. i didn't really loose any weight like i wanted to. stress got to me. i let it...even though it didn't have to be this way at all.
when this class is over, i'll have a term paper to write for another class. if i have any interviews in the next two weeks, i'm not taking them. i have work for this class to do...and i seriously cannot have ANY other distractions besides the yoga...which keeps me sane, as well as any other working out, practicing horn, and performing/rehearsing i do. enough is enough.
anyway, what i meant to say in the last paragraph, is that when this class is over, i am making and keeping a committment with myself. This commitment is about fitness. I am sick of being a flabby, out of shape woman, who is only going to be 25. This is seriously PATHETIC. I don't want to live this way the rest of my life. I want to be "LEAN and MEAN." Just kidding, but i do want to be strong. I'm not just saying this cause i'm stressed. I really mean it. I MUST step it up a notch, and when the times comes, I WILL!
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
Wednesday morning edit:
edit: I'm FREAKING out about this class i'm studying for. so, in an attempt to procrastinate, i decided to have a snack yesterday...and, instead, ate over 2,000 calories in the early afternoon.
today: I thought i would "restrict" calories a lot, but instead found myself eating 990 calories for breakfast. at least i'm full now!.
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:(
Binge. 3150 calories today. I just cannot learn!
exercise: 70 (yoga 60, bike 10) no other cardio.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
edit: my goal for Tuesday is yoga and 40 minutes of cardio.
total July exercise: 3hrs, 35 min
today's exercise: 145 min (yoga 60, weights 30, bike 10, treadmill 45)
calories: 1390 :)
yoga has been soooo difficult lately! LOL, i still love it, though. It seems my muscles have a hard time doing it EVERYDAY! but, as long as I pay for a monthly unlimited, i plan on dragging myself there, no matter what, everyday!
yesterday, at the fair, there were huge giraffs, llamas (which i thought are only found in the middle east but aparently i'm wrong!) they originated in the plains of North America, monkeys, sheep, one elephant, and a camel!!! how odd! I couldn't believe there was a camel, giraffs, and llamas there! but, the humps were strange on the camel, they were moving around a lot! haha.
have a good evening.
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 8.2 lbs to go!
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Nice to see someone else who loves the arts and school. My son is so interested in that. Keep it up!
stringbean on 07/12/2007:
RYC: All the exercise I've been doing comes from my local cable company's On Demand feature, but Leslie Sansone videos are available just about anywhere I think. I've been enjoying the On Demand feature because I can try new things without having to buy a video I may or may not like, or waste one of my Blockbuster movies (Total Access program) on a workout video.