Sunday: calories so far (11am): 1452. _____________________________________________________ WI points: none. total 4790
First edit: calories so far: 4550....that's a mistake, 4700. I forgot the yogurt. ____________________________________________________
for those of you who said, don't binge....well, i did! arg! ugh!
Breakfast: 2352 calories. this is calculated, everything was measured. It involved multitude of chocolates, nuts, powerbars, peanut butter, and cereal, yogurt, an apple, sugar free syrup, all bran, tofu, soy milk...
my goal for the day is to not go over 3350. thats about 1000 calories to spare. I have learned to realize its best not too limit myself too much the rest of the day after a binge.
WI Points: none, busy day. i could have exercised, but I chose to do some "cooking." more like just boiling shirataki noodles for future eating (and I had a couple packages tonight as well!).
Foods: sugar free syrup, apple, yogurt, tofu, egg, egg white, egg, tofu, carrot, tomato, girl scout cookies, yogurt, 100 cal balance bar, 2 pkgs kelp noodles, plum, large pickle, shirataki with spray dressing, more shirataki noodles, chicken noodle soup - a change of pace!, tostitos tortilla chips, bran with soy, cottage cheese flavored with pineapple.
total cal: 1770.
goodnight. calories could definitely have been lower, but I had the bran and cottage cheese late after rehearsal!
......no phone calls from the school district where i interviewed...definitely beginning to think that its a no-go. at least i know i did very well!!! :)
update on calories later.
Every interview you go on is a success, because you learn so much about the process and about yourself. It is great practice for the next time. I know that it usually takes me 3 or 4 job interviews before I do well and get offered a job.
just an update before bed...I will comment on all of your diaries tomorrow...
WI points: none. not enough time to exercise the full 30 min. only did 10...which is better than nothing!
total calories: 1395.
two day average cal: 1788. perhaps a little high, since there hasn't been much exercise on my part these past two days!
goodnight all! I'm looking foward to some yoga and catching up on my weekend!
Edit: WI Points: NONE. i decided to take another day off. I'm glad I got the exercise in yesterday!
Calories: 2180. some mini candy bars were definitely involved! its alright, and far better than 2500 two days ago!
goodnight.
My interview went really well, but I know there are a lot of candidates. One good thing is the the chairperson said he would be contacting me maybe tomorrow. That sounds assuring, because usually they don't say they will be contacting you so soon! They job is defnitely EXACTLY what I am looking for! We'll see.
Food has been pretty good.
another update later tonight.
Breakfast: 2plums, tofu, fiber one and soy milk 290
Snack: Protein Bar, tea with milk, pink lemonade diet snapple 180
Lunch: carrots, tomato, tofu 160
Snack: kombucha, tea with milk, protein bar, light yogurt: 260
total so far: 890
well, today is 1000 calories. 2 day average: 1750.
2 workingit points today (none yesterday).
I'm trying to get to bed tonight early, so i'm ready for my interview in the morning. then, I'm off to work and then a rehearsal later in the evening tomorrow.
thanks for all your comments, i'll update you perhaps on the situation. I appreciate them, and will try to do them....as for talking to my sister, the situation is too volatile at the moment...but i will attempt to talk later in the week?! have a great day/evening.
i'll catch up more tomorrow.
goodnight!
I'm so sorry about your situation with your sister. How old is she anyway?! She is obviously the younger sister but she really doesn't act very mature. This must be a tough living situation for you. I don't really know why your sister can't be more grown up about this situation and talk to you about it instead of running to your parents all of the time and having everybody gang up on you!! I don't think at your age your parents need to be involved in whatever disagreement your sister and you have. I know there isn't much you can do about that though while your still living there.
I realize you can't move out right now but I hope you'll soon be able to work something out so that you can get out of the house. I can't believe your Dad would wake you up at 1:00 am and upset you when you have to get up and go to work in the morning!!! I definetly think there needs to be better communication in your house and people need to start being more respectful of one anothers needs.
I hope your interview goes well today!
Let me just tell you...this morning was an absolute disaster between my sister and I. I made the mistake of talking to her blatantly rudely. I told her to clean up her things in the kitchen before my mom returns from israel bc i wouldn't be cleaning her stuff. I said it in a mean tone and my sister got VERY PISSED to say the least.
I read your comments, and you are all making very good points. I should listen, I should just grow up. Point is, my sister doesn't realize what she is/isn't doing and i'm not communicating how I feel to her well at all. It's making a complete mess of things. We were shouting at each other and she told me that she wanted to "kick me in my face" as I left the house. She said, "As far as i'm concerned, we are over, i want nothing to do with you." she also said she didn't care about me or the situation. funny thing is, she cared enough to tell my dad all about it last night...and he came in my room and woke me up in the middle of the night because she was upset about my "away message" on aim. It didn't mention her directly, but she knew what it was about. so, of course, she went to my dad. He felt bad about yelling at her earlier for using the hot water, so to be fair, he came in my room and woke me up around 1am!!! so, i got not sleep. terrible night. I was crying when I got to my classroom. no sleep and all this stress is the last thing i need.
I just need to not be affected personally anymore, since she is not aware that it affects me in the first place (or she probably wouldn't do it?!)
any other ideas on this matter? sorry for the neg. journal entry. ___________________________________________________________
well, my sister used up all the hot water just before i got home to take a shower! it's time my mom got back from israel (she's been there one week) because i think that even she would make sure my sister didn't use up all the hot water so i have to take a cold shower! earlier this week, my sister took a shower when i needed to and i had to wait up. now, i have to wait up again. EVERY SINGLE night this week is LATE for me! what is late??? i get home for the night around 10-10:30 EVERY NIGHT, including FRIDAY! good luck to me.
WI Points: none. major binge today. 2500 cal.
breakfast: 280 cal.
snack: 70cal
lunch: 160 cal.
snack: 90 cal.
Binge/rest of evening: 1/2 lb squash, dressing, tomato, microwave 100 cal vegetables, salad, 2 red peppers, yogurt, 2 plums, powerbar, second powerbar, baby crunch bar, 5 mini baby ruths, 2 almond joy minis, 2 tablespoons pb, 3 pims (type of cookie).
total: 2500 calories on the dot. not so hot. i'm totally going crazy with the job interview coming up among other things like a rehearsal tonight.
goodnight all!
I recall that you said that you tend to binge before rehearsals, which is not a good habit. Why do you suppose that happens?
But with something as important as a job interview coming up... I'm not trying to make excuses for you, but I would do whatever it took for me to get through to the interview and THEN focus on diet/exercise.
Do be kind and forgiving to yourself in this stressful time. You do what you have to do; you do what you can.
Really, I know there's not much you can do in this situation but you have my sympathy!
WI Points: all!
I made sure there was exercise...sadly I cut it short, only a half hour!!! I have been missing out on Yoga this past couple of weekends and its driving me nuts...I'm also frustrated because I'm not even exercising all that much. The reason: my schedule is not allowing me the time. plus, i don't want to run around any more than I currently am...I believe in time to breathe and, with that, like time to sit here and go online and type to you all! I know my schedule will loosen up maybe next month or so!
Friday evening I got home around 9:30pm and walked for a half hour. Saturday morning I rehearsed, came home for 10 minutes and taught two lessons. Next thing I knew, it was 5pm. I had something to eat...and went to the university to the library, which I didn't realize was closing at 9pm and not 11 or 12! so, I went to the gym before I got home around 10pm! Then, today, I went back to the library and was there till 1pm! I missed the yoga class. I came home around 2pm and then went out to teach a lesson at 4pm. On the way home, I stopped at the University to use the gym! That's my weekend! Nothing socially exciting...and if i did go out, I'd be even more exhausted than I am now!
Foods were very healthy today...I've been eating to the point of major fullness...but I guess its better than binging on the wrong things!? ehhh, there are other things I could be more worried about....although, is there such thing as your stomach exploding from too much food, lol!?
Breakfast: It was large. 2 cups all bran/fiber one mixture. one cup soy milk. yogurt. kombucha drink. 490 cal.
Snack: tea with milk. 40
Lunch: kelp noodles, salad, spray dressing, red pepper, yogurt, shirataki noodles with cinnamon, tomato. 245 cal.
Snack, pretty close to lunchtime, 3 caramel clusters (candy): 230 cal.
Snack before exercise: 1 plum, 1 enviga drink 30 cal.
Dinner: 2 plums, tofu, kelp noodles, tomato, mushrooms, mixed vegetables for stir fry, tomato.
Total cal: 1460. could've been lower, but I went all out on dinner and breakfast. still, nice calories and I am happy!
goodnight everyone, thanks for your comments!!!
I'm trying to comment in my spare time on all of your entries!
I hope you have a nice sleep so you can get back at that hectic schedule of yours tomorrow:)
As for lack of free time for exercise, you can do several 5-10 minute mini sessions throughout the day. Or you can do things like take the stairs instead of elevators, park further away from buildings, and any other simple thing you can do to squeeze more exercise into your hectic day. All those little things add up!
I am curious...all the healthy foods you eat..is that expensive to keep up?
http://www.dietdiaries.com/forums/forums.cfm?fuseaction=readmessage&messageID=3059&category=Inspiration%20%2D%20Motivation&categoryID=3
2 fantastic WI points! It was close, I almost didn't stop at the gym.
Thankfully, my busy day added to less calorie consumption besides the tremendous breakfast which i detailed in my entry below this one.
Calories:
Breakfast: 1190
Snack/Lunch: tofu, 2 plum tomatoes 130
Dinner: 3 packages of kelp noodles (i was trying to just stuff myself so I wouldn't try to binge...it worked), bag of salad, no-cal balsamic dressing, lo cal spray dressing, oregano, bbq shredded chicken 180
Snack: yogurt 80
Snack after exercising: light yogurt 60
total: 1640 cal!
not bad, not bad.
update saturday morning:
I had a large breakfast this morning. Well, it was sort of a binge. I took generous portions of everything I wanted and then finally stopped.
Breakfast: tofu, egg, yogurt, apple: 300 Binge following my breakfast: 1 cup cottage cheese (160), 2 servings tortilla chips (280), 1 serving potato chips (150), 1 half avacado (150), and then I went back for the other half the avacado (150). this avacado has probably been sitting in the refrigerator for one whole month!
Total Breakfast calories: 1190
I will allow a maximum of 2000 calories today...in my head, i was almost going to allow 2500. however, I think that the balance of 810 calories left should get me through the day (especially because I will not be home all day!) ...if I need to, I'll go up to 2100 or 2200... ____________________________________________________________
haha, 1 piece of chocolate, 2000 calories total for today. I am okay with that.
edit: I also had a tomato and pepper. total calories - 1960 _________________________________________________________
Hi. I've recovered since yesterday's negative entry!
WI Points: 2
Today I had a really enjoyable time playing duets and having dinner with a fellow horn player! It was a good time and good food. She knows how much I enjoy vegetables and the dinner was awesome. A veggie stir-fry with some awesome japanese noodles (even though I don't eat noodles myself...i wouldn't ever refuse them when I am company...and they were good!)...then, i ate some hefty desserts. One had a few wafer layers with vanilla pudding and banana in between. Then, 7 entenmann's (sp?) cookies, and then a small frozen pudding/jello dessert as well. The desserts definitely upped the day's total, but I did plan for it. so, all is well!
Foods:
Breakfast: Peach, emergen-c, tofu, egg, yogurt....followed by some coffee at work with milk. 305
Snack: egg 75...later a piece of cantelope 20
Lunch: carrots, tofu, tomato 140
Snack: yogurt (light), tea and milk 90
Dinner: piece of sushi with just rice/water chestnut 20, japanese noodles, veggies and chicken stir-fry. 450 Dessert: large wafers with pudding and banana filling 400; 7 entenman's cookies 320 , frozen pudding/jello dessert 80.
comes out to about 1910. I doubt it was anything more!
Goodnight, time to comment on some journals!!!!!
Thanks for bearing with me this week!
My daughter's school was only closed yesturday and it was open today. She takes the bus and all of the buses were cancelled today including some of the public transit. We had a nasty storm! It started with snow and then turned into freezing rain. Her school actually isn't quick to close it was just brutal weather and for the safety of our kids they don't run buses when the roads are that bad. This is the first time we have had the bus cancelled 2 days in a row, its not common. There was all sorts of businesses, restaurants etc that closed down last night and I've never seen that happen, especially restaurants!! I hope that's the last blast of winter we will get!
Have a great week-end!
Are you still weighing yourself?
Anyway...your sister sounds like mine. My sister and I had a fight a couple months ago, I'm sure you remember. Anyway, I thought we were all done being upset with each other...she tells my 14 y/o daughter that she is still mad at me! And then swears my daughter to secrecy??? "Don't tell your mom..." OMG I was LIVID. She blames everyone and everything else for all her troubles in life and whines about everything. She is always looking to pick a fight, always on the muscle, tense, unhappy and 100% miserable. She is only friends with people who are more miserable than herself so that she can feel vindicated in her own unwarranted misery. It made me feel awful that she said she was still mad at me...until I faced the reality of the fact that my sister is probably:
A. Has a mental illness (which I have strongly suspected for years)
B. Is jealous of me
or all of the above. My daughter was sharing casual conversation with me about what they had talked about..all the stories my sister told from our childhood, and NOTHING my sister said was negative about herself. It was ALWAYS someone elses' fault that she is fat, shy, lazy, scared, whatever. And then I started looking at her email that I've saved over the years...everything "Then my husband FORCED me to go to the ice cream store, I swear HE is making me fat" (caps added for emphasis) and various other things. I'm not sure about your sisters deal, but I do know how frustrating, madding and heartbreaking it is to be the other sister. My parents spend (and spent while we were growing up) 90% of their time focused on her because she is such a baby and has to have all the attention...even at 37 years old.
I finally just had to say to myself in my head that my sister has been a miserable person her entire life, selfish, jealous, trite, and petty..and it isn't going to change anytime soon. I am thankful I don't have to live with her and I am not sure how I would handle it if I did. I do know she got her better than everyone attitude as well as her negativity from our grandmother. There is simply nothing I can do. I told my daughter that if her aunt is still mad at me, that is her problem and she shouldn't worry about it. You don't know how badly I want to drive to my sisters house and tell her to stop playing gossip games with my daughter...but my daughter loves her aunt and my sister would cut contact with her and that would hurt far more than it hurts to know that my sister is being a nasty b*t*h.
The one positive thing, it has made me appreciate the struggles I have gone through to get where I am in life today, and to know that I didn't end up being miserable and wretched. I only hope my sister will find help for her mental illness and I still hold out hope that perhaps she and I will eventually have a normal sisterhood. Anything is possible, right? =)
Saturday, March 3, 2007 The courage to be you You are unique, with your own special beauty and value to give to life. What a terrible shame it would be if you were to let that beauty be hidden behind your fears. When you worry that you're not good enough, you allow others to control you, and their domination will soon make you miserable. Or when you fool yourself into thinking you're superior to everyone else, you deny yourself the exquisite joy of offering your own special gifts to life.
It takes courage and faith, effort and initiative to be who you are. And it is so very much worth the effort.
Though no one else can do it for you, you have what it takes to be magnificently successful at being you. From the deepest secrets of your soul to the face you put forward to the world, every bit of you is meant to be the authentic and original person you are.
Listen to that quiet, persistent voice inside that you know is always right. This is your opportunity to fulfill and express the real and lasting joy of being you.
Let the beautiful person inside of you come more fully to life as each moment passes. Let yourself, and the world around you, know the joy and fulfillment that is meant just for you to express.
-- Ralph Marston
Glad you had such a nice time with your fellow musician. You guys should do this more often! Although I guess it might be hard for you to invite her over to your place with your family around. You probably don't want her to witness WWIII breaking out!
edit: total cal: 1075. 2 points.
so I get home to find my sister.....at 10:45pm telling me that SHE IS TAKING A SHOWER!!!! HOW FREAKIN INCONSIDERATE! SHE doesn't need to wake up tomorrow morning.....I DO!!!!!!!!!1
what on earth!!!! Now, i have to stay up waiting to use the shower?!?!? what kind of nonsense is this!!??! and, she tells me she hasn't been home awhile..only for my dad to yell back that she has!!?!?!? what a piece of ____________!
sorry, but sometimes she is the most inconsiderate person of anyone I know! completely unacceptable for her to go into the shower the minute i walk in the door when she doesn't have school or class or work tomorrow!!!! what d--- nonsense!
whatever, i am pissed!
Moving on!
WI Points for the March challenge: 2 points. yes, i did fit the exercise in!! yay!
Foods:
Breakfast: emergen-c, peach, egg, yogurt 210 cal.
SNack: egg 70
Lunch: carrots, tomato, tofu 140
Snack: protein bar and tea with milk 200
Dinner: salad, dressing, kelp noodles, eggplant, 2 peppers, tofu. 290
Snack: 2 thin mint girl scout cookies at rehearsal 75
Snack: dannon light and fit. 60
Total cal: 1045 I think.
Tomorrow I'll be having dinner with a friend...and I have no control over calories except for portions, but I will indulge...unless I actually don't like the food (which rarely happens...)
Goodnight!
Hoping for a better night tomorrow!!!
I plan on not doing anything helpful for my sister this weekend. she ALWAYS forgets what I do for her!!! She even told my dad how i left a couple plates in the sink from my dinner (although I put all the other plates everyone had used earlier in the day for breakfast in the dishwasher and put all the cans and bottles to be recycled away...and then had to RUN out of the house to rehearsal!!!!! all night!)
she reallly knows how to open her trap and get me in trouble, for the same stupidy that she commits herself to! what nonsense, seriously!?!?!?/
is she that insecure that she needs to see a 24 yr old yelled at?!?!?!
what on earth!
I am sooooooo ANGRY!
Maybe, just maybe, your sister didn't think about the fact that you would want to take a shower when you got home and wouldn't have much time before bed. So maybe you could try to talk to her nicely about it at first, as I think there's more chance of her responding well to that kind of approach. Like perhaps you could remind her of something similar that you do for her, and then ask if she wouldn't mind doing this for you.
I hate the way she runs tattling to your parents about every little thing you do, though, and then the fact that they always take her side is even worse! At least my parents could (sometimes) see through my brother when he did that. I wish you could talk to your sister about this behaviour too but if she's still immature enough to do it then I doubt she would listen to reason.
[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 Next Page ]
ahh the binges. Its not a question of "if" I will its when. I am hoping I dont. I am hoping I can bypass the whole B word.
But-cant beat yourself up, keep on keeeping on....one day at a time!
Happy Saturday!
WorkingIt2 on 03/10/2007:
I really like the sugar free syrup, in fact, last night I had Eggo pancakes with sugar free syrup and then some grated dark chocolate from 3 hersheys kisses and I was all set to kill off my sugar craving lol. And GREAT JOB on sticking with a 1770 calorie day with Girl Scout Cookies!! Holy smokes if I had them anywhere in the house I'd eat an entire box in one day!
Donkey on 03/10/2007:
Now how did I know that this was going to happen? Been there so many times, done that too many times. It's over; move forward. Bingeing solves nothing.
I must say, at least you choose healthy foods. It wasn't like me with the Fat Housewife attack a couple of days ago (ice cream, Girl Scout cookies, graham crackers with peanut butter - oof!).
I agree with your approach not to limit yourself on calories for the rest of the day. It just sets you up for a vicious cycle. I hope the rest of the day improves for you.
Call the school district on Monday about the job!!
borntocry on 03/10/2007:
God, that binge sounds incredible. Next time you should invite me over - we can split the food (and the calories)!!
borntocry on 03/11/2007:
Hey, I think I also have binge-eating disorder, you know. But I think there is hope for us! In the past couple of years my binges have gotten much fewer and further between. And where they were once up around 6000 calories, now they rarely go over 3000-3500 (still really high, I know - but an improvement). So hang in there - we can beat this together!
Have you heard back from the school yet? I guess not - it's Sunday! Maybe tomorrow...
WorkingIt2 on 03/11/2007:
Happy Sunday to you! I wasn't bagging on you. You had asked me specifically before for my opinion and I reached out, took a chance and gave it to you with the best of intentions in mind. You have stated a few times that you feel you have a binge disorder and that you were looking for help, and you had even researched information as to possible causes that you were thinking of going to the doctor to be tested for. If I reach out to you during the good times, I'm not going to stop reaching out when you are having bad times. By all means, continue to vent and post your personal things...pretty much all of us do =) Of course you are safe here, that is the beauty of reaching out to people from the safety of the computer =)
I am supportive of you. Very. If I didn't care, I wouldn't post in your journal! =)
****hugs**** I hope you are having a better day today and that whatever it is that you are going through, settles down soon. You are a vivacious, kind, friendly, and dedicated individual who always takes time for others and you deserve to be happy, healthy, and know you are not alone.
GG on 03/11/2007:
my goodness you must have been hungry! you know what though, i think counting calories drives everyone nuts so on the days that you go over board you shouldnt count the calories and just promise yourself to slow down and think about what you eat next time.
Runner on 03/11/2007:
One thing that helps me when I feel like bingeing is to brush my teeth...for about 3 minutes. Then the last thing I want to do is eat after my mouth is all minty fresh! :)