ready for a new day to begin on Thursday :)
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BIG EDIT: no more stupid fad diets. i cannot stick with it. it was dumb trying. so, carbs are back. so is milk. etc. dumb move to exclude anything. i did it once and really have no urge to ever do it again anytime in the near future.
soooo...lunch was a BIG BINGE: total calories for today: a whopping 4500. are my goals to lose weight over, no way.
with a weight of about 130, my goal is to lose between 4-8 (probably not 8) pounds a month. by October 11th (only about FIVE weeks away!!!) I could possibly lose around 5-10 lbs. not as much as i want but then again i binge whenever i want lately. so, it's not like the food is magically going to fly off me. arg.
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Am I allowed to post 129 from all the sweating after yoga??? yes, I'm changing 130 to 129! haha.
i weighed in this morning and to my dismay I'm only ONE pound lighter than yesterday's afternoon weight. ugh.
Breakfast: poached salmon and a big tomato: around 300-350.
Progress as of today: -4 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
had one of thos Special K water packets, pink lemonade. i bought two small boxes of them so I'm not throwing them out. figured I'd use it. in general, i'm not having a lot of artificial sugars though.
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i stepped on the scale and got kinda freaked out. 131 lbs. wow! not good at all. i didn't think i was higher than 130. well, at least it's the afternoon and not the morning without any food in me. not good though. i will update this weight now.
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back in Dec. 2006 i weighed 105 for a brief while...quickly going back up to 112-113. so, my goal is to get down to the 112-113 weight eating a plant and protein based diet.
i have not updated my weight and it is up a bit these past two weeks. by up i mean closer to 130lbs. i haven't weighed and will not weigh. I know what I need to do to lose the weight and a scale doesn't have to confirm it for me right now. I do NOT want to put a higher number up so I guess I'll have to lose the weight. I have chosen a new approach - actually an old approach that I took 1.5 years ago in order to lose weight FAST in one month for a vacation. low carb, protein and veggies, and healthy fats. If anyone remembers GG on here, this was her diet. Speaking of her, I hope she is ok and doing well. Anyways, I don't plan on sticking with only veggies and proteins for life at all. But i will keep it enforced until I begin school and probably through the first week if not more.
Breakfast: salad with lettuce mix/tomato, olive oil, hard boiled egg. felt good after having this! :) calories approx. 230
early lunch: healthy salad with olive oil an egg and a tomato..followed by 1/2 a jar of pb!...and deli chicken and turkey (moving on...and yes this was too much food!) approx. a big lunch of 1700 oops.
snack: 2 red peppers, 1/4 avocado, piece tofu: 220
total so far: 2150. i guess i'll save the salmon for dinner another night. I'm going to try and just have about 100-150 more calories today. probably in the form of a protein shake.
late dinner: protein shake 100-150 calories and that is all.
total calories today: about 2250-2300.
Progress as of today: -6 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
The hardest thing I did this weekend was to take my hands off my relationship with Brian. The feeling of trying to control him and turn him around to me was so strong. But in letting go, I got him back. And controlling my environment is truly a symptom of a dysfunctional environment. But it doesn't have to be alcohol or drugs or whatever. I hope you have a great day and thank you for always being a good soul =)
You will do great with your new plan!
when living with others, i also live with food temptations. that's why i'm not allowing those temptations for at least a month. if i want it, i just cannot take it. period. actually, i'll say if it is unhealthy more than it is healthy, i will not be allowed to touch it. that's the goal.
total calories: approx. 2220.
not terrible but definitely too high for my activity level which consisted of sitting on my ass the whole day except for a quick mile i walked. i'm not complaining though. i fully intend to be back on track tomorrow - especially with mom and dad back to work. :)
i do admit i probably spent too much time alone today though, once my mom, dad, and sister went to the beach. next summer i would like to go to the beach on a regular basis if i can manage to get in shape. the good thing about the beach (there are many) is that it would get me out of the house for the entire day. however, if i have to pay for it, i will have to think about it. we'll see. i guess it's not important right now.
my plan is yoga tomorrow. i want to cancel my wax appt and gyno appt because i'm feeling crappy but that's not the right idea. so, i'll keep them...and pray TOM doesn't come on Thursday!
thanks for not giving up on me...i haven't either. i briefly was watching some videos of myself last summer when i was around 112-113 and boy did i look adorable! lol. need to get back to that. i miss it VERY much.
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ok, another new day today. filled with my mom waking up in the morning with a loud mouth to my dad. of what she said i have no idea because i wasn't really listening. just complaints.
large, but satisfying breakfast: cup of fiber one, small whole banana, almond milk, lots of pb on a big spoon: 600.
NO ARTIFICIAL SUGARS TODAY. WATER.
snack: lots pb on a bran cracker 500...fiber one w. milk: 670
lunch: turkey sandwich, chips, plum: 670 also.
total so far: 1940.
leave house and read at park...then walk later.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
anyway, thanks for the compliment, it's actually a shirt and i were tight jeans. i am still a little self conscious of the tight jeans but i am getting better at not caring. hehe.
you should talk to loveray about it, she also has a hard time putting herself out there socially at times and she and i were talking about this on sat. her post today is actually about this. xoxox
Hope your Tuesday is a good one!
had something else, had everything else: 6,000 calories today. i am having a very tough time although i thought i was out of it already and binged horriby this afternoon. 3 slices pizza, tons of pie, and lots of other things. i know where i want to be but i am having MAJOR trouble getting there.
i like loveray's challenge too. sorry you guys have to read this.
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1pm edit: no plans this holiday weekend except to try and relax. it's sorta working but not with my mom yelling and screaming for no reason! actually, she was arguing bc my dad brought home pizza he thought she'd like but it was warm and not hot. and, she was complaining that my sister got home too late and she wanted to already leave for the beach. and that my sister ate food she was saving for dinner and that she ruined her plans. she is sooo annoying! can't wait till these two days are over and she is back to work while i have my week off.
lunch: tofu 1pc, olive oil 1tbsp, romaine, large plum tomato, small apple: approx. 340. may reach for something else but it will be low carb.
total so far: 1505.
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breakfast: nectarine, huge protein bar, pb sandwich, almond milk: 780....extra pb: 1150
yoga later and a walk or gym.
during yoga: water mix: 15...1165
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
As for TOM ~ To tell you the truth, I don't keep track either!....I do have it on one of my zillion calendars around here, if I were to have to really need to know.... I have my appointment Sept 22nd and know I will be safe, unless something strange happens... I just know that mine is within the next week most likely...Just "SIGNS" are the mood swings & short temper......
calories are about 2265 today.
ok...come time for my friend's wedding, i WILL be ----en 15 lbs less. I WILL weigh in the 110-120 range. NO more Freekin excuses darn it! I am too young to look like this. OR, I'm worth much more than I'm putting out. SICK of it. I have to go the low carb way for now. It'll speed up weight loss and I plan on sticking with it. Carbs will be moreso from fruits/veggies than grains. Healthy oils. less calorie counting, more focus on health. and NO bars this week. NO matter what.
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for the 1000th time, i'm ready to grow up. no more stupid food games. my favorite quote of the year:
"If it were easy, everyone could do it."
This quote is really good for any of life's complications and hardships. It may be difficult, but a challenge is a challenge and that's why it's hard to succeed. It should be. So is my case - with my occupation and with my diet. Of course, moreso with diet right now.
snack cal: 100
dinner calories: 205.
total so far: 2145. I can go up to 2250 for today. Then, i plan on a low carb - produce only diet for the week to look my best for the start of my program.
remember, if it were easy, everyone would do it.
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1820 cal and its only 10am. no yoga today. reading right now for my program which starts in one week.
feeling self conscious.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
i binged. expected - usually happens when i end something (like a last day of work, etc). so, calories are 2600 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++=
ok, i'm exhausted and NEED a nap. no yoga. but i will stop by the gym later.
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pretty good day so far.
one mile walk during work since we didn't have lunch so i couldn't walk then. we got out early instead! :) and, it was my LAST DAY! wahoo! because this week i'm on VACATION instead of working up until the last minute before i go back to school! wahoo for relaxation and doctor's appointments and whatever else i need to do to get ready. unfortunately, this will involve a LITTLE shopping. i don't want to, but we can't wear our uniforms until the 3rd week...so i need to dress nicely. It's the rest of my life that this xray program is preparing me for.
will bike ride to yoga today.
then, yoga tomorrow morning and sunday morning. then, next week i will TRY for yoga 2x per day when i can.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
after a binge day, it is almost impossible for me to get right back on track. (hehe, another reason not to binge in the first place!) however, i have now pretty much recovered and i'm looking foward to my week off.
total calories for today will be: 1670 to 1700 cal!! well done, jackie! :)
dinner will be eggplant rollettes by cedarlane (microwavable) and a humungous cucumber...and a small amount of lettuce. followed by some mints.
calories are not bad at all. i had a lot of fruit when i got home from work...and now i'm going out for a bike ride! i snacked on a large plum and two large apricots.
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doing ok. woke up STARVING and bloated all at the same time! and exhausted.
calories ok. lots of coffee at work with no sugar added almond milk.
more to come.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
evening edit:I didn't binge. yes, i had a big dinner but not a binge. dinner: whole bag of broccoli slaw, microwaved with garlic, one tomato, one large plum, microwavable meal. 450.
total cal today: 1750 approx. so much better! :)
2mi exercise during work...and i plan on the gym tonight. with some weights/elliptical.
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afternoon edit: so instead of working all the way till next friday and then possibly heading into my new xray program unrefreshesed, i'm finishing work this Friday. taking a whole week off to prepare myself. i do plan on going to yoga every day that week since i do have an unlimited course.
i hope to at least balance out my crappy eating this week by the time i enter the program, Sept. 8th. haha, my birthday is the 9th. i thought i'd definitely have lost the weight by then. instead, i maintained this summer. If I could go back in time, I think I could have made much better choices and could have DEFINITELY lost at least 10 lbs. I'm a little upset about that. and writing this makes me want to be successful for the future. starting now.
i really do know i can do it. when i turn 26, i want it to be a year of successes. So I didn't reach my goals for the end of the summer, but life still has it's opportunities. damn it...i'm sooo young and have so much life ahead of me. i NEED to quit it with thinking so negatiely all the time. i worked all summer. that's great. didn't really earn me that great a profit though.
i need to remember life should be ENJOYED. read a little, relax a little, an spend time doing things for the betterment (not a word!) of myself.
the weight loss journey has not ended. and it will be successful.
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original entry:
having some difficulty staying totally on track. will try for a 2,000-2,200 cal day today.
having Dunkin Donuts for lunch. May give into temptations.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
Forward & Downward (number wise)!
not good day. i thought it would be but apparently not! 4500 cal. i'm in one of those phases or negative cycles right now. i'm trying to end it, sort of...
when speaking of a negative cycle i mean i binge one day and then can't break out of it for a few days.
tuesday: 4500
monday: 3600. ew.
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binge last night followed by 1400 calorie breakfast today.
but, i am actually back on track to a degree!
more later.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
It must be that we reach a place (maybe a scale number or a confidence that we are slim enough) where we feel 'safe' to eat what we want for a while...
But...we eventually 'wake-up', don't we and realize...IT IS TIME TO DISCIPLINE OURSELVES AND GET BACK ON TRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~Love, Maria (smile!)
binge followed by more bingeing: bread with pb and cream cheese and caramel topping. 600!!
total cal: 3600.
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wanted to binge a bit after dinner and gave in. following my 450 cal dessert, i had 1/2 cup raisinettes (360) and two granola bars (280)
total cal: 2960. i'll round that to 3,000.
sheesh. everything tastes so good.
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lots of eating today. in a good way buy i do actually feel a little bloated. all good.
2 mi during work...and i would like to go on another short walk. like a half hour. i have to call this guy back from online dating who left me a message last night...i'm really not in the mood to talk to any guy right now but i have to. :( i'll tell him i have to go but didn't want to not call back.
so far, calories are 1870 but my mind is wandering and wants dessert. lol. dinner was a satisfying 570 calories. so we'll see.
gave in to dessert. rich ice cream with some jelly on top.
total cal might be as high as 2320. ok.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 7.5 lbs to go!
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one pound is great!! its better than gaining, right! thanks for the well-wishes. i am going to see how things go with the lunch schedule: there is a chance that they will buy my lunch- depends on if we have client meetings or not. i am lucky enough though to be both 5 minutes from home and a whole foods! so, if we dont go out or i dont want to go out i can prepare something healthy. heres to a new routine and getting back on track for good!!! ps- i threw out my peanut butter last night. ;)
grumpy on 09/03/2008:
This always happens to me too. I weight in at night, with clothes on and I think "well, in the morning with no clothes on or food in my stomach I will be at least 2 pounds lighter..." haha., never. Always one or so. Anyway, 130 is not terrible, just focus and always remember your goal and look at that picture of you that you like so much and you will get there. thanks for your comments also, girl. i think he does love me or he wouldnt have spent all his bday weekend with me, but he still is not willing to give me what i want. at least as far as i know. and i am afraid he never will until i make him feel what it's like to not have me around at all. i may try that after our trip to LA if everything stays the same till then. SIgh.
thinnside40 on 09/03/2008:
Have a terrific day!
liza36 on 09/03/2008:
Absolutely, change the weight! Hopefully the 130's are history forever. Have a great day.
Donkey on 09/03/2008:
This is just a Donkey observation but I think that once you start school and are busy again, working towards a purpose, a goal, that the eating will resolve itself.
I would try not to restrict my calories but rather eat foods that are healthy, and see where that takes you for the rest of the week.
Are you drinking enough water? For me, when I do not drink enough water, things tend to start getting bingey.
lafemme_loca on 09/03/2008:
I am glad that you realize that fad diets aren't the answer... that everything in moderation is good... :-) As Donkey says, get your water in... get your fruits and veggies in... as for sweeteners... I use stevia and zsweet as all natural sugar substitutes that don't raise the glycemic index. They have helped. Once you are back at school, life will balance itself out. As for losing a pound... that is good !! Just think that is two pounds less of you !!! :-) I think I would have to chop off both of my legs to see the 120s... =) Heehee !!! Have a great evening.
selina on 09/04/2008:
Hi HOP! Sounds like you've got very good advice up above.. Take care!
grumpy on 09/04/2008:
i hope you feel a little better than this morning. xoxo