alright, i'm done with this bad eating spurt. tomorrow's a good day. 3 days is long enough. I'm better than that! I am I am I am. I just finished a book I was reading, that occupies my time pretty well. I find it terribly difficult to occupy myself and NOT turn to food for comfort. That's been my issue lately...especially with time off from work because of the holiday.
total cals: around 4800
ok...and now i can add rice pudding.
added a yogurt and slice of marble cake to todays 4,000 calories for a total of 4500. nuttyness.
plan for tomorrow's exercise:
breakfast, bike to get newspapers
snack, read, walk
lunch, read or some other activity. walk
snack, read, walk
dinner, reading/cleaning/whatever else
ummm, tomorrow sounds a little boring. this proves i need a life...not that i don't like boring...but i've been very reclusive lately...hanging out with myself...that's what has enabled my binging. nowhere to be. driving around eating. i like the time. finally i have time, but i also finally have time for a relationship. but, i don't have a good job or any extra cash.
i want to eat healthier...i know later in this entry i mention eating everything, but honestly, i like how healthy food makes me feel. otherwise, i get really bad sugar crashes. arg. do i even know what i want? no psycholgist can help me. honestly, i'm going to have to figure it out. too bad if i go into this new field i'm going to be without money for two more years after this. not good.
I'm gonna try somewhat planning tomorrow's menu:
B = oatmeal w. yogurt
s = pear + yogurt
L = bread and tofu (need to use it up) and red pepper slices
s = red pepper slices, pear (lots of pears are in my house right now.)
D = salad, grilled veggies and something lean from the supermarket or something like that.
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today's calories = 4000
september exercise = 14 hrs, 15 min.
I think i want to buy roller blades...but that's probably a waste of money since i don't have extra cash!!!!!! I walked at the park; and then went to another park where I visited this olympic size pool and saw some divers and people scoring their dives. I want to learn how to swim better. Maybe i'll splurge and do that. Then again, i really don't have money to splurge. so, maybe if i get a part time job, i'll use that money for swimming. that's fair i think.
today was kinda similiar to the past two days. It started out well, with a protein shake...but definitely drifted QUICKLY in the wrong direction.
I had a huge peanut butter cookie after. A smoothie made with banana, blueberry, soymilk, and protein powder. Then, a taco bell chicken quesadilla...followed by a piece of zita with rigatoni alla voda sauce on a piece of pizza! holy...it's amazing i finished it...because twice i went to throw it in the bag...but, of course, leave it to me because i MUST finish things. well, oh well. basically, i've proven to myself that like to eat all types of foods...good and bad. and hopefully, with lots of exercise, ALL foods can be part of my diet. that's all.
after exercising, i had some kind of summer roll made with tapioca paper with avacado, veggies, shrimp, and imitation crab meat inside. It was pretty good. pretty healthy. then, i considered getting ice cream. hehe. I didn't. Maybe once i start giving myself treats, i'll start NOT craving them like crazy. Can that be? maybe. If I always know that nothings off limits, i can have what i want; and also eat healthy when i want. I'm gonna give it a go. A little scary though because I know that in order to look lean you have to eat right. If i have taco bell and mcdonalds all the time, I'm going to look like it. That's why I'm not sure what direction I want to go in right now!
calories for today are 4000.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
12 hrs and 15 min = total sept. exercise.
total cal: 5500?....i knew i forgot to add in the chinese...that i had after the donuts combination....so 5500!!!!!!!!!! the chinese was all fried! ha, i never get chinese...let alone fried chinese! some was not even tasty.
total exercise was better than i thought i would do! 2 hours.
4.5 miles walking 1 hr, 20 min. and 40 min on bike.
hahahaha!!!!!
today was surprisingly less calories...NOT much less...and better tasting food. kind of.
breakfast: too much challah bread with some peanut butter...and marble cake (huge slices). I like trying to get specific in listing the foods with you. 2000 cal.
snack: good = pear. 90 cal.
lunch: taco bell (and i was full not even by eating half...determined of course to finish it. the last bite wasn't even good.) 650 cal.
snack 3 hours later: one whole dunkin donuts blueberry muffin...AND a jelly donut! ha. what was i thinking! 800 cal.
then, half hour later, some java and oreo ice cream from baskin robbins. 450
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Sounds like you've pretty much thrown all restraint into the wind and you're enjoying foods that were otherwise forbidden. What a way to kick off the New Year.
Friday morning edit: I had a satisfying, a little too filling breakfast. I had one third of the whole challah bread with peanut butter on it. I also had a very big slice of marble bread (really like a dense cake). Tasted great. I just can't deny myself of anything right now. I also can't eat everything all at once, like i did yesterday. haha. For lunch, I'm going to get fast food; and not a salad. Probably taco bell. For snacks, i'm not sure... Dinner...not sure. I might pick up something from the health food store. I need to work on portions and stopping when satisfied. I guess you can't be perfect all the time!
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my stomach hurts so bad i want to go to the hospital...arg!
i can hardly drink water because my stomach is so full.
total calories for today: 7900!!! crazyyyyyyyy. and i will not starve or fast tomorrow.
edit: after eating everything in my house, i bought a large fries and chicken nuggets from mcdonalds and then stopped at taco bell for a fried apple empanada...something like an uncrustable but with pie crust fried and sugary appleness/caramel inside. My stomach is entirely protruded. my sugar levels must be going crazy inside my body!
I was SUPPOSED to have dinner with family...but i can't stomach that too! It's not possible...it'd be sickening. so, i will tell them i have a major stomachache. which is true.
i exercised only 20 minutes today. tomorrow's a brand new day...and this year i plan on have MANY more good days than bad!! many!
I'm going to attempt to add up all calories for today:
woke up and had concord grapes, then same whole wheat crackers. them, i went to the gym...and had a light yogurt and whole grain powerbar before going to temple for services (Jewish New Year). all of that = 630 cal.
Then, after temple, I was too hungry and binged on lunch...should of just had bagels with lox and cream cheese with the family...and not made my own stuff...because i had both and then more! haha.
salad with light dressing...good.
egg whites mixed with oatmeal...i put it in the same bowl and microwave...it turns into a muffin/soufflee. i put no sugar maple syrup on it.
then, i had these seasoned microwave veggies...which weren't very good...so i just ate the potatoes out of it.
then, i had 3 slices of bread...300 calories.
then a large everything bagel...330 cal?
then I had a very large piece of raisin challah bread...600?
milano cookies: 14 total= 980
dried fruit + nuts = about 3 cups = 2100
3 servings chips = 420
...that's all in one sitting...i want to go out and get pizza now. ahh. i'm going to.I never got the pizza...ha. instead i got a large fries, chicken nuggets, and an apple empanada which is a really, really, really good dessert from Taco Bell. I never had one till today and i was warm and delicious! mcdonalds and taco bell = 1300 calories.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I was looking at a very small bag of mexican trail mix yesterday and was almost tempted til I read the total cals for the little bag. Those nuts and thingys really add up! I resisted the fast food places yesterday that I passed by coming back home.
I think most of eat like you did today from time to time...I think it does our bodies GOOD!!! Big Smile to you!
Wallyball is a form of volleyball played in a raquetball court where the ball can be hit off the walls! Lots of fun and is a great social sport!
Dinner: apple slice, salad, brisket/pot roast awesome!!, maple/sugar/butter lightly grazed carrots, broccoli, dessert pudding cake that was great, some fruit!! Good Dinner!
today's exercise: 1 hr, 10 min!
Total sept. exercise: 9 hrs, 55 min
(sandra...no way did i exercise yesterday for 8 hours...haha, not yet anyway! that's my total for September! haha!)
Foods: peanut butter sandwich, yogurt, bok choy, salad, egg whites, package of peanut m&ms, yogurt...and dinner with family...we shall see! You know, i'm looking foward to having a nice dessert and meal! :)
today was a good day. I've been spending more and more time with the kiddies at school. Let me tell you, these are the GOOD kids. I'm sooo lucky to work in an elementary school in such a wonderful town. It's the best I've seen yet. The kids are the sweetest things!
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
You know I passed the peanut butter in the grocery store today...haven't had a good peanut but sandwich in a LONG time! I love peanut mandm's, too!
So glad you are happy in your work at the school. That is wonderful! Big Smile to you!
exercise: 35 good minutes.
total exercise: 8 hrs, 45 min.
5:45 edit:
exercise...if i have the energy later. I made dinner early: 5:30pm. 3 cups microwaved veggies, fried tofu, whole wheat crackers, piece of italian bread. not gonna count the overall calories for today!
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HI HI!
I'm off to the gym now...it's about 5pm. I just finished preparing some work for tomorrow! Thankfully I'm done!
I was on my feet a good portion of today...i think i'll need to invest in a couple pairs of really supportive shoes. even though i'm 25, i'll probably buy easy spirit or another brand of shoe made especially for protection and support. My feet are VERY important to me! :)
after the gym i'm buying chinese takeout...hopefully this time i can get it steamed...and not steamed with oil! haha. that's what happened yesterday. i'll take the rest to lunch tomorrow at school.
today's foods so far:
pb on 2 slices bread, yogurt, grapes, salad, eggplant + chicken sauteed with a little oil from leftovers last night, peanut butter crackers from vending machine (i plan on probably getting something every day! haha), yogurt, kombucha drink. I didn't have dinner yet.
not counting calories.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
today's foods: trying to not count calories:
peanut butter (not measured out) on two pieces bread, yogurt, lots of grapes, salad with seared rare tuna (leftover from last night), package of cheese-its, slim fast drink as a snack, lightly sauteed eggplant and chicken chinese food.
exercise: 3.5 miles, 70 min
total exercise: 8 hrs, 10 min.
Congratulations on the 3.5 miles...WOW!!! That is a lot!
Have a happy, blessed day!
So, i went out to dinner with my parents. Today, I stuck to my own food and didn't splurge on the dinner. I did splurge at breakfast, though.
breakfast = 3330 calories. But, this is the end of that stupidity! LOL...I am 25 now! I think this morning was the last straw.
dinner - healthy salad with seared rare tuna...great! healthy!
exercise = 6 miles, 2 hours! yay
total sept exercise = 9 hours
ohhh, thanks to everyone for comments and continued support. I know i can sound like a broken record at times because I am constantly fighting the same battles. but, i really do think i can overcome my battles.
i am happy to report exercise is easier to fit in this school year...especially without any classes...except for a few mandatory district things. However, i might get a part time job. My mom is pissed I'm thinking of working at Starbucks because if you work 20 hours, i think, you get health benifits! yup! and i pay 235 a month just for them! That would save me a pretty penny! It would save me about 2800 a year, if i work that long. I might keep the job throughout going to radiography school. i guess i'm a little old compared to many starbucks employees.
the result of 5 days of binging is a 4.5 pound gain...and i'm not talking about bloating.
Edit Sunday breakfast calories: 3330! to all of you that think i'm kidding, i'm not. i counted.chips, pb, ice cream, sesame crackers...and more...
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Saturday evening:
Edit: i have to tell you, my female friends (there were 3 of them last night) motivated me when i saw how great they all looked (we don't see each other all the time because we're college friends). One of them, I seriously didn't recognize her because she's changed sooo drastically. They make me want to look good too! :) and i can. :O. I haven't lost focus. Not one bit. Not even after this crazy week! :) Exercise is the new name of my game! :) And, I've been doing it well already.
If i can just learn how to swim. I can swim, but I'm not good at the most important and benificial stroke: freestyle/crawl. That's the one you use for swimming laps. I have free access to a pool but unless i know how to do that stroke properly i'll have to hold off swimming. I don't even care how i look in a bathing suit haha. I wish someone at the college gym could help me. You know, i think i'm going to dish out some money for swimming lessons...starting next week. It's worth my money!
Do I need a one piece bathing suit? or can i wear a bikini for swimming laps? What i meant is, will anything happen while swimming if i wear a bikini?
total cal: ha. 6800 (6,000 at the cheesecake factory.)i had my full meal plus my own cheesecake and halves of other people's.) i don't regret tonight, actually, at all!
Today has been good. so far, 800 calories...and now i'm going to the Cheesecake Factory again for dinner with other people tonight. I think I may just get a salad so i can eat as much as I want to. I exercised and felt soooo good today from it.
exercise today: 2 hrs. I even went biking at a park along an expressway that I've never been to (but whenever I drive by i yearn to go!) and it was wonderful...i'll go back tomorrow to check out the rest of it! Then, i went walking in a park with more shade closer to home!
total Sept. exercise: 7 hours
I enjoy feeling good about myself...who doesn't!? so, we'll see what i choose to eat. I may just have a sandwhich afterall...and ask for broccoli substituted for fries...or, maybe what GG does...and get pasta (but substitute the pasta for broccoli or something...haha we'll see...)
For your bathing suit question, I personally have always preferred a one piece when swimming laps, etc. as you are less likely to lose things. but they have come a long way with bathing suits and they do make two piece suits that I'm sure stay secure - like lifeguards wear.
calories: 6200
total Sept exercise: 5 hours
i ate better throughout the day...but then dinner came...
met up for dinner at the cheesecake factory. I ordered this Breakfast Burrito...and it was humongous. I am not kidding. I have NEVER, EVER in my whole life seen a burrito this big. It was the complete size of a platter and probably 3-4 inches in diameter across the center. At first, just looking at it made me want to cut it in half and attempt to eat one half only! If that! well, i ate the whole thing!!!
then, at the movies, i had a whole box of chocolate and almost a whole large popcorn with extra butter.
my friend said to me "you should see someone!"
haha, she doesn't tell me what to eat and what not to eat. she is a good friend and honest. that's all i care about
tomorrow is another celebration with other people. I really shouldn't give into temptation for cheesecake from the cheesecake factory. sunday i would probably celebrate with my family. ehhh, too much already! wednesday coming up is a holiday dinner as well...and Thursday and Friday. too much!
i don't want to celebrate for the rest of the weekend....i'm gonna try to pass it by. meaning, tomorrow i'll order healthier stuff and skip the cake...although my friends will try to get me to have it. I'll tell them i do what i want and not to mess with me. that's all.
as for my family, i'll tell them that I KNOW WHATS BEST for me and, just like i tell me friends, leave me alone.
whatever. I know that excess calories = excess fat. blah.
exercise = 50 min. (30 treadmill, 15 stepper, 5 abs)
That's the key - turning it around and not making it a DIEt, but loving your body by giving it what it needs.
8:20pm I haven't eaten actual chinese in ages...well, my family had ordered it and i just had some leftovers. I can now safely assume my calories to be 5,000 for today. I had fried rice with all the fixings, eggplant and chicken in sauce, and mango ice cream. my stomach was about to pop even before all of this. NO, i don't still weight 110.
shucks. I really shouldn't even care about weight anymore. I need to get a LIFE!
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6:30pm: let's now add 3 more slices of bread and 3 sesame cookies to the calories:
now, I've had 400 more...total is 4000 calories today.
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argggggggggggggggg.
yes, i binged again: all in one meal, 5:30pm-6:30pm:
some of it i bought...then, when i got home, i had 11 pieces of cinnamon raison bread as well.
total calories are about 3500.
one problem i have is not being able to stop eating a dish once i start. i need to be able to stop when i first get the full signal, so that i don't keep going...and this also leads to binging, btw.
i will get to your diaries...i promise.
I understand how you were able to eat so much bread yesterday. I once bought a loaf of freshly baked whole wheat bread. I started picking at it while driving home and by the time I got there, I had eaten the entire loaf!
The only tactic that helps me is NOT to have my favorite weight inducing foods in the house at all. Otherwise, I will eat them all up!
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Well, perhaps planning ahead will help. You know the saying, If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
Isn't it Geneen (whatever) Roth who advocates allowing yourself to have as much of whatever you want until it doesn't become a craving any more as a way to "cure" bingeing? Maybe that would work with you.
I don't know how you can stand going out to fast food though. Paying good money for binge food. That's like going out to a drug house to get a fix, to me. (You have to understand, I'm a cheapsake, so that's kind of where I'm coming from.)
Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you!
Workingit2 on 09/16/2007:
I know exactly what you mean about eating healthy and feeling better. What can we do besides keep trying our best every day to make better choices? We know what to do, we know how to do it, I guess it takes us digging down deep and deciding to walk the line that will help us stay on track. One foot in front of the other! We can do this!