calories: 6200
total Sept exercise: 5 hours
i ate better throughout the day...but then dinner came...
met up for dinner at the cheesecake factory. I ordered this Breakfast Burrito...and it was humongous. I am not kidding. I have NEVER, EVER in my whole life seen a burrito this big. It was the complete size of a platter and probably 3-4 inches in diameter across the center. At first, just looking at it made me want to cut it in half and attempt to eat one half only! If that! well, i ate the whole thing!!!
then, at the movies, i had a whole box of chocolate and almost a whole large popcorn with extra butter.
my friend said to me "you should see someone!"
haha, she doesn't tell me what to eat and what not to eat. she is a good friend and honest. that's all i care about
tomorrow is another celebration with other people. I really shouldn't give into temptation for cheesecake from the cheesecake factory. sunday i would probably celebrate with my family. ehhh, too much already! wednesday coming up is a holiday dinner as well...and Thursday and Friday. too much!
i don't want to celebrate for the rest of the weekend....i'm gonna try to pass it by. meaning, tomorrow i'll order healthier stuff and skip the cake...although my friends will try to get me to have it. I'll tell them i do what i want and not to mess with me. that's all.
as for my family, i'll tell them that I KNOW WHATS BEST for me and, just like i tell me friends, leave me alone.
whatever. I know that excess calories = excess fat. blah.
exercise = 50 min. (30 treadmill, 15 stepper, 5 abs)
8:20pm I haven't eaten actual chinese in ages...well, my family had ordered it and i just had some leftovers. I can now safely assume my calories to be 5,000 for today. I had fried rice with all the fixings, eggplant and chicken in sauce, and mango ice cream. my stomach was about to pop even before all of this. NO, i don't still weight 110.
shucks. I really shouldn't even care about weight anymore. I need to get a LIFE!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6:30pm: let's now add 3 more slices of bread and 3 sesame cookies to the calories:
now, I've had 400 more...total is 4000 calories today.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
argggggggggggggggg.
yes, i binged again: all in one meal, 5:30pm-6:30pm:
some of it i bought...then, when i got home, i had 11 pieces of cinnamon raison bread as well.
total calories are about 3500.
one problem i have is not being able to stop eating a dish once i start. i need to be able to stop when i first get the full signal, so that i don't keep going...and this also leads to binging, btw.
i will get to your diaries...i promise.
I understand how you were able to eat so much bread yesterday. I once bought a loaf of freshly baked whole wheat bread. I started picking at it while driving home and by the time I got there, I had eaten the entire loaf!
The only tactic that helps me is NOT to have my favorite weight inducing foods in the house at all. Otherwise, I will eat them all up!
bad news:
I binged today on everything that i haven't had: milano cookies, chips, ice cream, pastries, crackers, yogurt, tons of peanut butter, cinnamon raison bread, sesame seed wheat crackers with some oil in them as well (all food that i didn't purchase in my house)...it was all in my house...and i was really hungry. stupid decision...especially bc i really don't have ANYTHING to be stressed over!
so dumb.
calories are 4,000 for today!
soooo...all effects of my fast are now DEFINITELY long gone.
I may not even exercise for the rest of the night.
i've learned something: cool down!!! i just need to calm down, MAJORLY!
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
I really like reading your diary and want to support you in reaching your goals.
grrr...can't sleep! now it's 1am!!! :( need to go to sleep and can't because i'm thinking about tomorrow (but not nervous) and my bloated stomach bothers me. today was the first night i had brown rice but, i also just ate a ton of salad with onion/corn in it, then i had a tomato, and a package of dried nori. too much!
total SEPT: 4 hrs, 10 min :)
so today was just staff meetings...tomorrow the job starts...i'll be making comments on your entries tomorrow as today it's already late and i want to exercise!
I splurged again on an organic foods dinner: baked cauliflower with tumeric and oil (AMAZING, as GG would say), some steamed veggies, and a brown rice and soy cheese pizza with sauteed spinach and baked veggies with oil on top of it. you know, i didn't love the pizza!..but i ate the brown rice pizza bc it wasn't "bad." just not "great." everything else was very good. i will not get it again....this makes me wonder if i do in fact need the carbs!...the brown rice. i think i do need the carbs, and i just didn't like the taste of that particular food! haha. I know some people would say i don't need the carbs.
exercise today will be one hour (but my job HAPPILY involves lots of walking now...right now at least...)
goodnight! :)
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
total SEPT. exercise: 3hrs, 10 min
exercise today: 4 miles = 1 hr, 20 min :)
evening edit: I went to a natural foods store that serves all organic and natural foods for dinner. I had a big plate of food...and i never can leave anything over, even if i'm full. I had some tofu flavored with tomato and topped with a paste that made me think i was having pizza....it was AMAZING. then, i had some sauteed broccoli, so fresh and crisp, still in garlic and oil. also on the plate was other sauteed veggies including carrot, yam, squash, eggplant. everything was cooked with oil...but not a lot. however, i had about a 1/2 lb of one side and a 1/4 lb of the other. the tofu was big too. there were many calories involved considering the oil in veggies and paste on tofu. i don't regret any of this, btw. I just don't want to gain weight because today's calories are double that of yesterday...and much more than the days before!
I may not be 105 by the end of September, but it remains a goal of mine.
oh, i also had two apples as a snack...which definitely helped to control appetite at dinner...even though i ate everything on my plate. I'm having a problem with the excess taste of spices...its too much, making me crave sweets...this goes for everything i ate today, in terms of being too flavored, except for the kombucha drink in the morning. I like having kombucha for breakfast and i'm going to do that for awhile.
_______________________________________________________
hi everyone. i began today with a kombucha drink, 16 ounces. One thing i realize is that my stomach did NOT shrink!...you'll see why:
then, i had lunch much later:
2 cups of vegetable soup with potato in it (no sodium), 1 full cup of egg whites, 3 cups of cabbage, and a little bit of vegetarian chilli, no salt added. whew! all healthy. i was too hungry. but, it's mostly vegetables. and, it's actually not that bad...making me happy that i just wrote this, because my mind is playing tricks on me...its only 1 1/2 hours later and i'm wanting food! haha. I know better!
105 lbs around the end of September/early October.
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Evening edit: My body remained full many hours after all that food, but my head (maybe due to the insulin changes...but this happened during the fast, too) and stomach wanted something later on. I had 4 plum tomatoes. I didn't want to have protein. LOL. I changed my mind. Protein will begin tomorrow afternoon. Egg and veggies.
I walked 4.5 miles today as exercise...but there was some other movement as well. I'm happy about today.
I'm not going to record calories for the time being.
total exercise: 1 hr, 30 min :)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Afternoon entry:
Had a green drink with carrot, celery, romaine for breakfast.
walked 3 miles at the park
then, had another drink of spinach, celery, and apple.
came home, drank some kombucha...which lead to breaking my liquid fast:
i proceeded to have a plum...followed by two cups of grapes, and then three cups of salad, followed by two cups of potato leek soup with no added salt.
I didn't plan to end with a large volume of food...but, fasting doesn't clear up eating disorders!!!
so, at least the foods were healthy!
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
The weight is after not eating, just waking up Sunday morning. I do not plan to gain weight back...as I will adjust my diet so that I am not just flooding my system after 5 days of water fasting. Today, Sunday, I will exercise normally. I will have some exercise in the AM and PM. It will total 5 miles. I will have liquid calories to help me get through it.
Saturday evening entry:
exercise: 1 mile: 20 min.
hi all!.
i almost broke down and had food instead of liquids today. ahh! but, i didn't.
i'm making one alteration in my plan...tomorrow evening i'll have food...eggs
throughout the day, any and all liquids.
the fast is all about mind of matter. I've done a pretty good job...just the thought of not being able to eat normally on the first few days of work is unsettling...as its a new place i'll be working. so, it is what it is. i'm make sure i don't seem crazy. work starts tuesday. the liquid fast ends sunday evening...monday will be light foods...same with tuesday and wednesday as well as the rest of the week.
on the weekend, i'll have to watch myself and calm myself. I am no longer teaching any music lessons or playing in any groups..i've had the whole day free...and from lack of energy, not really used it to exercise. i like to exercise. so, in the future, i'll use my time for that purpose...and not to fast.
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
total AUG exercise: 45 hrs, 50 min!
Friday:
exercise: 10 min (but i was moving around for a lot of the day)
total AUG. exercise: 45 hrs, 50 min. If i didn't do this water/juice fast i would have met the 50 hours.
oh, and i do miss the exercise 100%
i'm getting really frustrated. I know this conductor who's famous for writing many articles in the major music encyclopedia called The Grove. His music is his life, he's in his 80's. He tells me to go apply in NYC...i don't want to. I'm not. He says to respond to his email after I've applied in the city. I will respond anyway...and tell him that i will apply in the city for next year and that this year has been decided. I'm long gone..and not making any changes for my job for this year. I've had enough. I'm burned out.
i've been running around all day. I took a teaching assistant job in the school that's actually right across the street from my house. I guess i'll save money not driving to work! haha. It pays 19000 no benifits. also, i didn't even interview for the 55,000 band job. I have made up my mind right now. I knew i wasn't in a good situation to walk into an interview today, 3 workdays before school starts. that's not good. also, i feel unprepared...and i'm looking to do something else with my life. that band job would have been highly stressful...AND, i doubt i'd be able to spend as much energy volunteering and applying to hospital programs for radiography. some people would think this was a stupid mistake. but, it's my life...and i don't.
I've already observed radiology in one hospital and i'm going to volunteer three days a week...each day at a different hospital. I"m doing this because I KNOW it'll help me get into a program. and i HAVE to get in. if i don't i WILL have to go back to music...and i would begin interviewing in the spring for NYC public schools. some are good...it's just not my passion right now...and i know it'll never be. I don't hate it;but i don't love it. I'd rather do radiography by far. It is something i've chosen and i'm working towards and i will give it all of my energy when i'm in class for it in 2008...as you can see, i have high hopes to get in.
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Enjoy the website, I know I do...just finished reading all of the previous newsletters. I cannot wait for my books to arrive, she is a good motivator for rawfoodism.
I don't blame you for not applying for the band job. Money ain't everything, and there's no sense in doing something that you don't enjoy. Or something that would set you up for stress, anxiety, and misery, which is what it sounds like because school starts in a few days for you (we already finished our first week). Even though you need a job, you can still afford to be somewhat selective. Good luck, Horn!
As for your decision not to seek the position in a band - if you made up your mind about applying to the radiology school and don't enjoy playing music for living - why be miserable? I hope the job you got will allow you time to work towards your new career path.
I have no doubts that you can get into radiology school. You have 2 degrees behind you so that shows that you have smarts AND you finish things you start. So if you can get good recommendations you should be set. Do not hesitate to either tell or write up a list of strong points that you want your references to say about you (if you can). I know you can do it.
15 min exercise. no meeting 50 hrs for august. but i did to a pretty darn good job anyway..
total aug exercise: 45 hrs, 40 min
i had a cup of juice/tea
Thursday edit: so far so good. I plan on drinking a ton of water...or whatever i need...to get me through the morning. I have an interview at 12:15...then, i'll make sure i have water to drink after. then, i'll stop by the park later. I may possibly go buy another shirt for tomorrow's interview...not sure. I'd rather save the money...
============================================
total exercise: 45 hrs. 25 min Wednesday:
sooo...so far i've had nothing today...except plenty of water.
however, right now, 7:42pm, i can tell i'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms that have almost led me to cave in. I almost went downstairs to get a drink of something that wasn't water. If i did it, there would be food to follow!
i'm slightly nervous about thursday...i have a really short interview for a teaching assisant position...friday, i have another short interview in the school across the street from my house.
when i'm on an interview, there's the andrenaline going...so, that's what i figure will happen for these short interviews. LOL, i don't want to give in. I want to contnue this detox/fast regime until monday morning. 5 days! crazy, yes.
after that, my plan is to begin with a green vegetable drink...that i'll get from a nearby health store...to speak to the woman there...and then eat fruit/veg only on Monday. I'm so glad i have no major responsibilities this weekend. I do have to buy another shirt, possibly - i really don't want to spend anymore money - for friday's interviewsince i don't want to wear the same thing as thursday. yeah, i don't have a lot of "summer/spring/fall clothes" that are acceptable and fit well from last year!
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I agree with your friend.
GG on 09/08/2007:
wow, thats a LOT of calories: but oh well, if your weight is not creeping up all that much then its ok! OOOO you went to the Cheesecake Factory: I love that place, even though all I get there is their LARGE salads with no dressing, I just like the toppings they put on the salads, and their side dishes, but then again, I am sure I can make better ones at home! haha! The Cheesecake Factory is totally known for their HUGE HUGE portions: did that burrito come in a "lunch" size protion? What is the celebration you are having today? All I can say I guess is exercise so you do not feel TOO guilty about all the food you may consume... and if you get cravings but dont want to eat any "junk" have a can of greenbeans: haha, just kidding: but that would be pretty funny if you whipped out a can of green beans from your purse with a can opener in tow. HA HA! And if you really really want to "not eat healthy"...you can fake sick? haha. What sorts of food will be served at these celebrations? Maybe we can DECODE the healthy ones and the unhealthy ones?
noelgiger on 09/08/2007:
Good luck sticking to your guns this weekend. It's hard! When I'm tempted, I try to change my internal dialogue from "It's JUST one piece of cake. And, I've been SO good, I deserve it." to "That's 600 calories. It's pure sugar. That's toxic for my body - like RAT POISION. I deserve to be healthy. I've done so well and am so proud of myself, I won't hamstring myself by a piece of cake that I'll regret in the morning."
That's the key - turning it around and not making it a DIEt, but loving your body by giving it what it needs.
hollybelle on 09/08/2007:
Just saying hi and Gee the Cheesecake Factory does have the biggest portions on EVERYTHING I have EVER seen. Hang in there.