I'm really tired right now...and its only 6:45pm.
I slept better last night...and got up only a half hour before my alarm clock. I was planning on exercising at the university gym by me...and I even drove there! However, I just couldn't bring myself to leave my car and go to the gym! Instead, i felt like I wouldn't have the energy unless I had another snack. I went to get a snack, but I still didn't feel right. So, I told myself I'd go to mcdonalds and have a small 4 pc mcnuggets. after that, i was STILL not wanting the gym. I drove to wendys (they're all very close, like way less than a mile apart!) and got a crispy chicken sandwich and fries with a diet coke. after that, i was satisfied...although i did eat all of it and that's something i'm trying to do less! :)
I almost decided to go somewhere for dessert and i'm proud of myself that i didn't.
even with all that "extra food," calories are pretty good. I'm probably not exercising and I've already taken a shower even though it's not even 7pm. I just want to read. Last night, i didn't get a chance to speak to the friend that i've been keeping in touch with because he was out. Hopefully we'll talk tonight. I wish he'd be interested in some kinda relationship...i'd be ecstatic. :)
foods today:
breakfast: pb on bread..and a kombucha drink when i got up.
lunch: mellon...does the trick.
snack: salad with corn...and an apple...and i think that's it.
dinner: soy crisps...chicken mcnuggets...crispy chicken sandwich...fries.
total calories: i'm pretty sure between 2000-2100. this makes me really happy, actually.
exercise: NONE. and seriously, that's ok! :)
goodnight all, thanks for being so good to me! :)
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
hello!
Today was a good day, despite being unable to sleep last night. however, i know it'll catch up...so i must go to bed on time tonight. Hopefully all though liquids I just drank...decaf coffee...will go through me before going to sleep this time around!
Thanks for all of your supportive comments! They mean a lot because they are encouraging!
Foods were interesting, to say the least!
4am: banana, kombucha
6am: ham sandwich on a hamburger bun...and then more ham! haha! deli ham.
8am: small pb sandwich. i make sure to use a nice, satisfying amount of pb so it creates a smooth, wholesome feeling going down! haha
2pm lunch: mellon
3:45 snack: salad with an entire corn from corn on the cob sliced up in it...followed by a chocolate protein shake.
7:10 dinner: from the supermarket: prepared seaweed salad, eel sushi rolls. coffee from DD. I finished the whole dinner. it was quite good! :) I may be getting sushi for a few days this week since it was sooo good!
exercise was good as well. However, i tried to run...but stopped because i was getting tired and my ankle started to bother me. I had to stop after walking 4 miles bc of my ankle!!! I thought i would do 6 today. Also, it was getting late...so i need to practice getting started even earlier!
exercise: 1 hr, 20 min
total sept: 20 hrs, 20 min! :)
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Wed. Morning update: I couldn't sleep since like 3:30am!!!!!! terrible! I was actually really hungry...around 4 I had a banana and some kombucha. Now, I'm just drinking tea....at 6:24 I had some turkey slices on a roll. Followed by some ham slices. It was really good - probably from boar's head brand...seasoned virginia ham. Now, I have to admit I am satisfied and not stuffed. I will pack PB on a roll...and eat it at the school if I am not hungry later this morning since I leave the house at 8. we'll see. I might to some stretching. I don't think i want to go walking in the morning. I'll save that for afternoons. Hopefully my lack of sleep wont lead me to make poor food choices. I believe I have all of that power in my hands right now!!!
Today I'm making a phone call to the hospital about a part time job...i need to be a little busier on the weekend :) But, i'm not going to be looking for any part time work during the week. School hours are enough for me, especially because I've been using my time exercising. This is a main goal for me this year. I want to change my body.
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Tuesday evening entry:
exercise: a nice hr and 10 min
total sept exercise:19 hrs
today was a good day too. but, this is due in part to me being busy...but, i have faith in myself that when i am less busy, i'll be able to succeed as well!
breakfast pb and j on roll
lunch: melon. i have a late lunch and the fruit is good after that many hours.
snack: kombucha drink, peppers...
snack 2: more kombucha, peppers, tea
dinner: salad and bean salad. 2 slices mango :)
starting the morning off with a good mix of carbs, protein and fats makes it so that even though i do get a tad hungry before lunch, my blood sugars remain pretty stable compared to usual!
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
It sounds like you have things under control at the moment, though, so keep it up! And try to get some sleep!
overall good day:
i exercised a ton! yay. 1.5 hours walking.
total sept. exercise: 17 hrs, 50 min
well...it's a monday. and that usually means better eating.
breakfast: peanut butter on a hamburger roll. this was good for blood sugar levels and was an enjoyable breakfast. i also had a bit of melon.
lunch: melon
snack: some red pepper and then i drove to get a starbucks pumpkin latte - perfect before i exercised.
dinner: salad, wrap made out of tapioca wrap (its like what they use for making the cold summer rolls) with chicken inside and a few veggies.
calories were not measured for anything. i did finish almost everything. breakfast i finished, lunch i finished, starbucks i finished.
dinner - i left over a bit of salad and a bit of the wrap.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Everything you ate sounds good except that white hamburger roll. I've gotten to the point where I simply can't eat white bread of any kind. That's why I like Subway where you have a choice of several different whole grain rolls. Not that I go there regularly, but at least I know it's there.
Monday morning edit:
breakfast = nice amount of pb on a hamburger roll. not much fiber in the roll. I can say that i'm satisfied (then again, my stomach is still full from yesterday). just drinking tea...I don't want to reach for a yogurt now. i didn't go food shopping yesterday - so it would be my mom's yogurts and they are higher in calories. lol. am i counting again? i didn't measure the pb. i guess i'll have a lunch of tofu on salad, since i have it in the house. snack?? red pepper slices and fruit? sounds good...
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sunday:
sept exercise: 16 hrs, 20 min. i did more exercise in the evening.
my dad is upset because i didn't finish the hamburger for dinner. it's ok that my sister didn't eat a lot. but, all because I didn't eat all of the hamburger he was pissed as could be. he said he knows how i can eat a ton of food at a time and that i must have had food beforehand in order to not have an appetite to eat. well, i did eat a lot, at 1pm. but, he was persisting that if i didn't eat it all, that's not normal because i always eat a lot. that made me a little angry. its ok with them if my sister its little food bc she never has a big appetite. but, why should i have to finish all my food just because i'm a "big eater?"
should i have just finished it? my stomach is messed up from before. i know i shouldn't have binged today. if i didn't binge, i would have probably had a bigger appetite...lol, or a stomach that wasn't already congested with tons of bulk of food from before.
=================================================
thursday = 7900, fri =5500 , saturday =4800 ,sunday =5000 .
overall excess calories for the past 4 days(i subtracted 2,000 from each day) = 15,200. this equals 4.4 pounds!!! supposedly, over the past 4 days, I have gained 4.4 pounds. that's a lot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
today's total calories - about 5000
6pm edit:
park: 4 miles 1 hr, 20 min.
total calories before dinner: 4700
2600 before the park. i'm back from the park...and eating didn't get better. I left my house and immediately went to get a personal pan pizza from pizza hut (620 cal). after that, i stopped by dunkin donuts for a jelly donut (300)and some cookies and cream ice cream (600). then, i finally finished with two mcdonalds apple pies (550)...i was supposed to have one, but they give me two. !?
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I can see where your dad is coming from. BTDT. You eat so much when you binge, but then you won't finish food (i.e. you waste food) at the proper meal time. As a parent who pays for groceries, I can see why that would piss him off.
The issue isn't whether you should have finished the hamburger or not. The ISSUE is that you shouldn't be bingeing like this. This is just crazy, Horn. It is not a good thing.
alright, i'm done with this bad eating spurt. tomorrow's a good day. 3 days is long enough. I'm better than that! I am I am I am. I just finished a book I was reading, that occupies my time pretty well. I find it terribly difficult to occupy myself and NOT turn to food for comfort. That's been my issue lately...especially with time off from work because of the holiday.
total cals: around 4800
ok...and now i can add rice pudding.
added a yogurt and slice of marble cake to todays 4,000 calories for a total of 4500. nuttyness.
plan for tomorrow's exercise:
breakfast, bike to get newspapers
snack, read, walk
lunch, read or some other activity. walk
snack, read, walk
dinner, reading/cleaning/whatever else
ummm, tomorrow sounds a little boring. this proves i need a life...not that i don't like boring...but i've been very reclusive lately...hanging out with myself...that's what has enabled my binging. nowhere to be. driving around eating. i like the time. finally i have time, but i also finally have time for a relationship. but, i don't have a good job or any extra cash.
i want to eat healthier...i know later in this entry i mention eating everything, but honestly, i like how healthy food makes me feel. otherwise, i get really bad sugar crashes. arg. do i even know what i want? no psycholgist can help me. honestly, i'm going to have to figure it out. too bad if i go into this new field i'm going to be without money for two more years after this. not good.
I'm gonna try somewhat planning tomorrow's menu:
B = oatmeal w. yogurt
s = pear + yogurt
L = bread and tofu (need to use it up) and red pepper slices
s = red pepper slices, pear (lots of pears are in my house right now.)
D = salad, grilled veggies and something lean from the supermarket or something like that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
today's calories = 4000
september exercise = 14 hrs, 15 min.
I think i want to buy roller blades...but that's probably a waste of money since i don't have extra cash!!!!!! I walked at the park; and then went to another park where I visited this olympic size pool and saw some divers and people scoring their dives. I want to learn how to swim better. Maybe i'll splurge and do that. Then again, i really don't have money to splurge. so, maybe if i get a part time job, i'll use that money for swimming. that's fair i think.
today was kinda similiar to the past two days. It started out well, with a protein shake...but definitely drifted QUICKLY in the wrong direction.
I had a huge peanut butter cookie after. A smoothie made with banana, blueberry, soymilk, and protein powder. Then, a taco bell chicken quesadilla...followed by a piece of zita with rigatoni alla voda sauce on a piece of pizza! holy...it's amazing i finished it...because twice i went to throw it in the bag...but, of course, leave it to me because i MUST finish things. well, oh well. basically, i've proven to myself that like to eat all types of foods...good and bad. and hopefully, with lots of exercise, ALL foods can be part of my diet. that's all.
after exercising, i had some kind of summer roll made with tapioca paper with avacado, veggies, shrimp, and imitation crab meat inside. It was pretty good. pretty healthy. then, i considered getting ice cream. hehe. I didn't. Maybe once i start giving myself treats, i'll start NOT craving them like crazy. Can that be? maybe. If I always know that nothings off limits, i can have what i want; and also eat healthy when i want. I'm gonna give it a go. A little scary though because I know that in order to look lean you have to eat right. If i have taco bell and mcdonalds all the time, I'm going to look like it. That's why I'm not sure what direction I want to go in right now!
calories for today are 4000.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Isn't it Geneen (whatever) Roth who advocates allowing yourself to have as much of whatever you want until it doesn't become a craving any more as a way to "cure" bingeing? Maybe that would work with you.
I don't know how you can stand going out to fast food though. Paying good money for binge food. That's like going out to a drug house to get a fix, to me. (You have to understand, I'm a cheapsake, so that's kind of where I'm coming from.)
Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you!
12 hrs and 15 min = total sept. exercise.
total cal: 5500?....i knew i forgot to add in the chinese...that i had after the donuts combination....so 5500!!!!!!!!!! the chinese was all fried! ha, i never get chinese...let alone fried chinese! some was not even tasty.
total exercise was better than i thought i would do! 2 hours.
4.5 miles walking 1 hr, 20 min. and 40 min on bike.
hahahaha!!!!!
today was surprisingly less calories...NOT much less...and better tasting food. kind of.
breakfast: too much challah bread with some peanut butter...and marble cake (huge slices). I like trying to get specific in listing the foods with you. 2000 cal.
snack: good = pear. 90 cal.
lunch: taco bell (and i was full not even by eating half...determined of course to finish it. the last bite wasn't even good.) 650 cal.
snack 3 hours later: one whole dunkin donuts blueberry muffin...AND a jelly donut! ha. what was i thinking! 800 cal.
then, half hour later, some java and oreo ice cream from baskin robbins. 450
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Sounds like you've pretty much thrown all restraint into the wind and you're enjoying foods that were otherwise forbidden. What a way to kick off the New Year.
Friday morning edit: I had a satisfying, a little too filling breakfast. I had one third of the whole challah bread with peanut butter on it. I also had a very big slice of marble bread (really like a dense cake). Tasted great. I just can't deny myself of anything right now. I also can't eat everything all at once, like i did yesterday. haha. For lunch, I'm going to get fast food; and not a salad. Probably taco bell. For snacks, i'm not sure... Dinner...not sure. I might pick up something from the health food store. I need to work on portions and stopping when satisfied. I guess you can't be perfect all the time!
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my stomach hurts so bad i want to go to the hospital...arg!
i can hardly drink water because my stomach is so full.
total calories for today: 7900!!! crazyyyyyyyy. and i will not starve or fast tomorrow.
edit: after eating everything in my house, i bought a large fries and chicken nuggets from mcdonalds and then stopped at taco bell for a fried apple empanada...something like an uncrustable but with pie crust fried and sugary appleness/caramel inside. My stomach is entirely protruded. my sugar levels must be going crazy inside my body!
I was SUPPOSED to have dinner with family...but i can't stomach that too! It's not possible...it'd be sickening. so, i will tell them i have a major stomachache. which is true.
i exercised only 20 minutes today. tomorrow's a brand new day...and this year i plan on have MANY more good days than bad!! many!
I'm going to attempt to add up all calories for today:
woke up and had concord grapes, then same whole wheat crackers. them, i went to the gym...and had a light yogurt and whole grain powerbar before going to temple for services (Jewish New Year). all of that = 630 cal.
Then, after temple, I was too hungry and binged on lunch...should of just had bagels with lox and cream cheese with the family...and not made my own stuff...because i had both and then more! haha.
salad with light dressing...good.
egg whites mixed with oatmeal...i put it in the same bowl and microwave...it turns into a muffin/soufflee. i put no sugar maple syrup on it.
then, i had these seasoned microwave veggies...which weren't very good...so i just ate the potatoes out of it.
then, i had 3 slices of bread...300 calories.
then a large everything bagel...330 cal?
then I had a very large piece of raisin challah bread...600?
milano cookies: 14 total= 980
dried fruit + nuts = about 3 cups = 2100
3 servings chips = 420
...that's all in one sitting...i want to go out and get pizza now. ahh. i'm going to.I never got the pizza...ha. instead i got a large fries, chicken nuggets, and an apple empanada which is a really, really, really good dessert from Taco Bell. I never had one till today and i was warm and delicious! mcdonalds and taco bell = 1300 calories.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I was looking at a very small bag of mexican trail mix yesterday and was almost tempted til I read the total cals for the little bag. Those nuts and thingys really add up! I resisted the fast food places yesterday that I passed by coming back home.
I think most of eat like you did today from time to time...I think it does our bodies GOOD!!! Big Smile to you!
Wallyball is a form of volleyball played in a raquetball court where the ball can be hit off the walls! Lots of fun and is a great social sport!
Dinner: apple slice, salad, brisket/pot roast awesome!!, maple/sugar/butter lightly grazed carrots, broccoli, dessert pudding cake that was great, some fruit!! Good Dinner!
today's exercise: 1 hr, 10 min!
Total sept. exercise: 9 hrs, 55 min
(sandra...no way did i exercise yesterday for 8 hours...haha, not yet anyway! that's my total for September! haha!)
Foods: peanut butter sandwich, yogurt, bok choy, salad, egg whites, package of peanut m&ms, yogurt...and dinner with family...we shall see! You know, i'm looking foward to having a nice dessert and meal! :)
today was a good day. I've been spending more and more time with the kiddies at school. Let me tell you, these are the GOOD kids. I'm sooo lucky to work in an elementary school in such a wonderful town. It's the best I've seen yet. The kids are the sweetest things!
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
You know I passed the peanut butter in the grocery store today...haven't had a good peanut but sandwich in a LONG time! I love peanut mandm's, too!
So glad you are happy in your work at the school. That is wonderful! Big Smile to you!
exercise: 35 good minutes.
total exercise: 8 hrs, 45 min.
5:45 edit:
exercise...if i have the energy later. I made dinner early: 5:30pm. 3 cups microwaved veggies, fried tofu, whole wheat crackers, piece of italian bread. not gonna count the overall calories for today!
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HI HI!
I'm off to the gym now...it's about 5pm. I just finished preparing some work for tomorrow! Thankfully I'm done!
I was on my feet a good portion of today...i think i'll need to invest in a couple pairs of really supportive shoes. even though i'm 25, i'll probably buy easy spirit or another brand of shoe made especially for protection and support. My feet are VERY important to me! :)
after the gym i'm buying chinese takeout...hopefully this time i can get it steamed...and not steamed with oil! haha. that's what happened yesterday. i'll take the rest to lunch tomorrow at school.
today's foods so far:
pb on 2 slices bread, yogurt, grapes, salad, eggplant + chicken sauteed with a little oil from leftovers last night, peanut butter crackers from vending machine (i plan on probably getting something every day! haha), yogurt, kombucha drink. I didn't have dinner yet.
not counting calories.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
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WTG on passing on the dessert!!!! That surely would have been down a dark path. Good for you!!!
borntocry on 09/21/2007:
I'm willing to bet anything that your friend would be interested in a relationship with you. In fact I bet he's already got some scheme in mind! If I know anything about guys, it's that they're rarely interested in pursuing platonic relationships with girls. Even when they know you well enough to know that you're not compatible, they'll still inevitably make a move on you at some point. Trust me on this one. If it doesn't happen, it's because he hasn't got the nerve or because he's convinced that you're not interested. And even then it will probably happen.
You must be the only person aside from me who needs a snack before exercise. I do that all the time. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm just using the snacks as an way to put off doing the actual exercise!
Thanks for your comments on my picture. That was very observant of you to notice that the girl next to me wasn't wearing the traditional outfit! She's a friend of my cousin's from London. I think that's why I look so happy in that picture, because I was in a more relaxed mood hanging out with a couple of my cousin's friends from London. They weren't as obsessed with appearance as the other girls there.
jon'smom on 09/21/2007:
Passing up the dessert was a great choice! I hope things work out between you and your friend. Keep us updated:)
Sandra aka Soul on 09/21/2007:
I'm feeling full just reading all that you ate, lol. You and I are alike, I will forego exercise for a good book.
have a great day.