edit #2: did yoga and had a good breakfast. I binged for lunch on 1416 calories. so far, my caloric intake for today is 1701 calories. I plan on ending the day below 2000. I will probably have a double meat turkey wrap from Subway for dinner.
I thought i was too upset about how my performance was yesterday to binge, but I guess not.
edit 1: sunday, day 25.... weight is up a little, 111 lbs
going to do yoga in a little bit!
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day 26 saturday, 1895 calories.
I am not happy with myself, I feel depressed and ripped apart. I royally messed up today in my friend's recital. I played the parts terribly wrong at times and embarassed myself completely. I went to play the horn today and everything came out wrong and I just knew today was not my day. Then, I got there, and warmed up on the horn, sounding just as bad.
the actual performance started and our quartet had to actually stop a few bars after we began because my friend and I had the wrong parts. then, I proceeded to continuouly mess up the music, playing only one major solo right. I was shaking with nervousness and my performance really suffered.
there were so many people in the audience and they are music educators. who will hire me now, after that complete and udder disaster?
does anyone know what i mean? I feel I need to apologize to everyone in the audience. I feel like I have to call my past teacher who's in his 70s who was there and tell him that I am sorry he had to listen to that garbage that came out of my horn.
wow. what kind of teacher am I?
the other people in the quartet included a senior in high school, a freshman in college, and the senior having her recital. I spoiled the whole thing. and I'm the teacher.
Progress as of today: 3.4 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
edit - day 26, Saturday.
For breakfast, I had 695 calories. the first 1/3 was healthy fruit, a veggie burger on Rice Cakes and some cream cheese. Then, I had a flavored dannon yogurt and a powerbar. I'm not beating myself up and will allow around 1800 for the day. I have planned all my meals as well, which should alleviate lack of meal planning on the weekend.
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Friday at last, day 27. 1490 calories.
First, I'll answer questions: I only like to eat cabbage cooked all the way so that it is soft and the texture is like silk. I hate raw cabbage, especially because I cannot have that much of it before the taste makes me sick! I feel that cooking it makes it much more edible. I cooked the regular green cabbage.
Awhile ago, I cooked the saboy cabbage with the shriveled leaves, but that is when i either didn't cook it enough or it was just plain to bitter and disgusting to eat. I cooked the cabbage this time in the microwave for around 10 minutes or so (it was a lot of cabbage, probably 4 cups worth) before eating it with the meal.
I am 5' 1.5" I am not very tall or very muscular. I wish my legs were more defined but I was not an athlete as a child and lack that sort of muscular build from years of soccer practice, something I never did! Slowly, I'm re-shaping my body with more muscle to one day be what I believe I can attain.
today was a pretty good day. I did 25 minutes on the treadmill walking and weights for a half hour. then, i went to see the musical at the high school in my district. It was very good as they didn't cut any scenes. It lasted almost 3 hours!!! that's a lot of work for the students! It's one of the most caring, hard-working, sincere communities I have ever seen!
tomorrow I don't have a specific time to get up. I have a lesson to teach and I will also be playing two short pieces in my friend's recital at college. Sunday is more oriented towards catching up and laundry and hopefully fitting in a yoga session. I also have one lesson to give.
goodnight all. I will comment on your entries soon!
Progress as of today: 3.6 lbs lost so far, only 1.8 lbs to go!
Same here - I tried very hard to like raw cabbage but can only eat so much of it before it starts to get sickening.
Thanks for the comment you left me. For someone who has only just met me, and not even in real life at that, you sure know me well! I do have a really hard time making decisions, and am always second-guessing myself. I prefer to let other people make decisions so that it's not my fault if things go wrong! I'm trying to be more decisive but it's hard!
Oh and by the way, congratulations on reaching your goal weight! You had given yourself until December 10th, hadn't you? I see you've given yourself a new goal now. I did the same thing when I reached my goal of 114 lb last year - I changed it to 110 lb. In the end I went 1 lb under that and now I can't get that out of my head and long to get back to 109 again. Don't let that happen to you - stop at a limit which you think you can maintain!
You're doing great!
edit: day 27, Friday. weight was down quite a bit this morning, 109.8. I feel like it was a fluke, but i'll take it! lol. I eventually want my morning weight to be 105 or so. don't worry, I won't keep decreasing my goal weight to the point of being too low.
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day 28, Thursday. 1500 calories.
I'm not sure, but I may have gone slightly over 1500. I had a lot of cabbage with my kashi dinner. I also had a whole red pepper. I was in the mood for large portions, and I wanted to use up the entire 360 calories I had left before reaching 1500. The Kashi dinner was 250, I calculated 60 for the huge tomato. that leaves 50 for the cabbage. I think I had what equals at least four cups. The bad thing is, I think that blows a little more than 50 calories. But, it was good, and mixed well with the lime cilantro shrimp kashi meal.
I had a meeting after school, which ended early. But, not early enough to get a manicure so I can look pretty when I play at my friend's music recital on saturday afternoon. So, i get to rehearsal, which ends up starting LATE! not cool. it started at 6:45 instead of 6pm. I was out of there around 7:15. I got home around 7:30 and made my dinner and relaxed until now, 9pm.
Now, I'm gonna take a 20 minute walk on the treadmill and then relax in bed and possibly study conducting, for like 10 minutes. haha.
I really loved all of your comments today!!!! I appreciate them so much no matter how critical you are, which you never are. I love tips and help no matter what!
workingit, I agree with many of the same things you write also in your journal. thanks for the kind words! I love sharing my food tips and menu ideas.
also, thanks for the fat free dressing idea. I may try it, depending on the calories. I am actually not a dressing person! that's right, only vinegar when I'm in the mood. Vinegar and spices. when i was younger, I wouldn't put anything on my salad either!
goodnight all :)
Progress as of today: 2.4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
As for dressing, I use Duke's colesteral, low-fat mayonaise dressing. It is real good and only 45 cals per tbsp!!!
Good for you on getting the 20 mins in on the treadmill!
Big smile!
Great job hitting the treamill..and congrats on your loss. Just don't lose too much!
Hope you've had a wonderful day today!
edit: day 28, thursday.
my weight was down a bit today. 111 pounds. probably due to some water loss as well since calories have been at 1200. I was very hungry this morning. I will make today the normal 1500.
also, I think I may raise the weekends to above 1500, so I feel like I am not depriving myself. Weekends are when I go off the deep end. But it doesn't have to be that way!
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day 29. Wednesday.
1200 calories. Dinner was a lot of food: 1/2 a package of light tofu, 100 calories. Lettuce. A Kashi Dinner, chicken and penne with some cheese flavoring and light sauce. It was good, but even though my stomach was full, my mind and body weren't satisfied. but, I stuck to it, because i wasn't about to go over 1200 after all the planning I did to stay at that number for today!
teaching is good. I was glad all the obligations I had after school today were more for me. I went to the Dermatologist and got there late. I knew I would be late, but didn't change the appointment because I know from going there twice that they don't keep track at all of when your appt is and when you are just getting a peel, they take you in right away no matter what! so, i was still in and out!
tomorrow is Thursday. I have an after school meeting, but band was moved to last Tuesday. This is good, because I'd prefer not to have another late night! Oops, but now I remember, I will be having a different rehearsal after the meeting. haha, there's always something... I'll be sad when I don't have this job anymore. Only about 1 month and 1 week left! Time goes soooo fast!
I exercised for 1/2 hour today and did weights. I hope to walk for a half hour tomorrow as well. It's far better than nothing, and really tones the lower body.
goodnight, all!
Progress as of today: 0.8 lbs lost so far, only 4.6 lbs to go!
You are an amazing person! I enjoy reading about your day and find that I agree with so much of what you say. Always a pleasure! Have a great day!
day 30! TUESDAY. amazingly: 1210 calories.
I am proud of myself for not going over. there were parts of this day where I thought I was not getting by without some more food. I managed, though, gratefully! maybe I should have more confidence in myself? and not be so thankful, but rather strong? who knows.
the rehearsal went by pretty smoothly after I put myself in relaxation mode. what i do is just relax, breathing shallowly, almost like I'm sleeping. ha! yes, it's true. when you know you are at rehearsal for the long haul and you can't get out of it, and you have a lot of rests and not a lot of playing time, you just have to sit there and be patient. It's not easy, but I've accomplished that task. Many people talk a bit, but that's calling for trouble!
Teaching went well today.
My meeting during the other half was good. the director of arts who observed my band lesson told me she thought i did a great job last week.
now it's midnight and I have to wake up at 6. that is stinky. I'm gonna be tired and it's gonna be a long day. that makes me hungry. o well. maybe i should just do what i do during those band rehearsals. however, i want to exercise tomorrow, as i haven't been doing as well with that. today was a short 20 minutes on the treadmill.
i also get my second glycolic peel tomorrow. It takes literally 3 minutes to do, with no waiting time in the office. it's on the way home.
goodnight all!
Progress as of today: 0.6 lbs lost so far, only 2.8 lbs to go!
Edit 2- this is gonna be a LOOOOOOOONG day. I'm gonna be up too many hours. I was gonna just have a 100 calorie balance bar for lunch, but that wasn't gonna help me get through the afternoon. I had a double meat subway wrap instead. If I really feel like my body wont allow 1200 today, I'll have to include an 8th day in this weeks total average calories. As long as the 8th day is between 1400-1500 calories, the total for 8 days should be just under 1800 per day.
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edit: day 30, Tuesday. Gonna be a scary day. It'll be a challenge to sick to 1200 with such a late night, but i'll manage!..... weight was down to 112.8 today.
------------------------------------------------ day 31, monday, 1200 calories. doing ok.... two more days of 1200 and I'll be a tad bit below 1800 calories for the week.
I want to just skip band rehearsal tomorrow evening because I have parent-teacher conferences, but only during part of the evening. The conductor will get annoyed if I don't attend any. Maybe I'll just go to the rehearsal for the earlier band, leave to go to my school, and then go home and not go back to rehearsal after. that sounds like a plan! hopefully it'll work!
WorkingIt and BTC, thanks for the motivation. 1200 cal a day stinks!
anewvue, you asked me how I maintain. lol. yeah, lol. I lost weight about 3 years ago to get to about 8-10 pounds lower than I am now. I guess you can say I've been maintaining for that amount of time. I guess my lowest weight wasn't the healthiest, but right now I'm the heaviest I've been based on a morning weigh-in. Counting calories and moderate exercise are key for me!
Progress as of today: 0.2 lbs lost so far, only 3.2 lbs to go!
Monday - day 31 - tired, still feeling sick. My weight was up a lot today. 113.2 pounds.
day 32 - 1300 calories today.
the rest of my plan is 1200 the next 3 days and then back to the routine of 1400-1500 the rest of the week.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 1.4 lbs to go!
edit: day 32, Sunday: As I looked back at all the days I have completed of this 65 day plan, 5 of the poor eating days, 6 in all, were done on the weekend. One was last Thursday, the day I would be obsesrved while teaching. This shows that when I have a lack of planning, everything goes to the wayside. On weekends when I was busier, I controlled my intake better simply because I was not in the kitchen!
I also realized that for the most part, I did pretty nicely on the "65 day plan." Most days, 27 out of 33 days, were at or below 1500 with the exception of one day that was in the 1700s. This shows I can accomplish things I want to, and there is not point in giving up now!
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day 33 , saturday. 2885 calories.
the past 3 days calories are not so hot: 2956, 1765, 2885. I'm gonna need a few low cal days to balance those two big ones!
today started out great, but when I went to eat lunch at 11:45 I pigged out on 1500 calories. then, an hour or so later, I had more! I think this is because i didn't really plan my day or have something scheduled for myself to do after lunch.
why do I do this to myself?
the good thing is that I have planned my teaching stuff for next week. I still need to practice conducting tonight, and maybe the french horn.
exercise today consisted of bike riding for 25 minutes and weights for 25 minutes. I don't even usually exercise more on high cal days, i try to make up for them calorie-wise on the next few days.
I may go to yoga tomorrow morning, based on how I feel. I'm glad I did it the other day in case I feel too bloated in the morning.
I think I may try to stop eating when i am full, instead of scarfing everything on my plate down. I like and always finish everything because I count calories, but I cannot bear the fact that my stomach is probably so overstretched from all of these binges I've been having.
I used to have no problem eating small portions. Then, when I turned 17, everything suddenly changed. hmmmm...things to think about.
Progress as of today: 1.6 lbs lost so far, only 1.8 lbs to go!
edit: day 33, saturday...two good meals today breakfast and a snack. lunch ended up being 1500 calories, not good. then, i binged more. total so far: 2620 calories... I'm having such a problem controling my intake on the weekend, especially! I feel like I am a mess! I will take a walk later, outside, for about 1 hour. -__________________________________________________
day 34, friday, 1765 calories.
I had a lot of filling meals today. A Kashi meal with 2 whole peppers, a cucumber with vinegar and spices, and a large plum for lunch. Yeah, it was a bit much, but pretty low in calories for the amount of food I had. I would have liked a 1500 calorie day but it was a hungry day, especially after the Yoga. I have a bad habit of really stuffing myself up after Yoga. I had a day off today, that's why I went!
I also had two rehearsals today. I fell alseep after having another meal when I got home after the first rehearsal. I think I slept for 2 hours! Then, I had something else to eat, which tasted bad. I melted cheese on a rice cake and sprinkled it with pizza spices and put canned tuna on top. It tasted terrible! I don't think I really enjoy tuna anymore. I also had a yellow pepper with that. After rehearsal, I had a weight watchers ice cream with chocolate swirl. It's pretty good.
Tomorrow I'll work out in the morning and plan my lessons for next week and practice some conducting. I may even practice the french horn! I am worried about the conducting because I always wait till the last minute. I procrastinate because the conducting makes me nervous and that makes me more nervous. It's like an endless cycle.
Today, during my first rehearsal, there was a French horn professor there. He complimented my french horn playing! that felt real nice and its motivating me to practice harder!
alright all, goodnight!
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 1.4 lbs to go!
You really got through your observation with flying colors the other day! I would have been a total wreck if my AP arrived, video recorder in hand. I don't think I'd be able to handle it.
Yay for getting complimented on your french horn playing!! That has to feel great!
Congratulations on getting complimented on your french horn playing!
edit: friday, day 34: I was feeling a little sick last night and I woke up feeling a bit under the weather. At first, I thought my throat last night was sore from talking a lot, all the food and poor digestion of it, and being up a lot.
However, I woke up with my throat feeling the same way and I might be under the weather. I'm doing pretty well though. I will go to yoga at 9:30am today as it is my day off.
I have a few engagements today like a rehearsal this afternoon and evening. I'm not going out after rehearsal tonight because I don't want to be out late and I will say I'm not feeling good. ------------------------------------------------------------------
day 35, thursday.
HAHA, it's not funny, but today was 2956 calories. (I weighed myself before breakfast, lol.) The excess calories were mostly in the form of carbs and some fat. LOTS of granola and some crackers at breakfast. Oh well, can't take it back now.
My observation went well today.
This short week was rather LONG. Monday I had a rehearsal after school and before that i went to get my nails done because I do it every week on the weekend, but didn't have time this weekend. I feel better about myself and how I look. I used to think that getting manicures was entirely too superficial for me, but I've changed. I also ran to the pharmacy on Monday. I was home around 6:30 and pretty tired.
Tuesday, my day OFF was entirely too much! I went to a full day of conferencing which was alright, nothing out of this world! Then, I had rehearsal all evening. I was home around 11pm.
Then, wednesday was quite busy. I gave a lesson to a student as soon as school ended. then, i drove to a teacher in-service course at the middle school. It ended at 5pm. then, i got a snack and drove back to my school to finish grades. then, i got home at around 8pm. I was too tired to do anything and shouldn't have even stayed up after eating. but, my sister had asked to use my computer since her's wasn't working. so, i used my energy to clean my room. haha. but, i did't even have enough energy i needed to finish preparing for today's oberservation. My brain was FRIED!!
I couldn't sleep and woke up before 5am this morning. I went down to have a substantial, filling breakfast. I ended up eating 5X more than I wanted to. I had 2066 calories just for breakfast, in less than an hour! I was videotaped while being observed teaching and I can see that my stomach was definitely bloated! haha.
this is what happens, especially when I'm not sleeping right! arg!!!
ok everyone, thanks for listening and for your comments! goodnight!
Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 0.4 lbs to go!
Thanks for the comment you left me. I shall try peas with my spaghetti squash next time. My husband was impressed, but he didn't try it! Oh well, I'll convert him to my eating ways some day!
Very glad to hear that your observation went well!!
Take care..and thanks for your comment!
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Honey, we all have those days, I am sure that you were just nervous. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
maria777 on 11/18/2006:
I am also a musician...I am my church's pianist...I've been playing piano since I was a child...and sometimes when I am playing the piano at church, I may have a day when I find that I am REALLLYYY missing notes!!! You are a human being and we humans are NOT perfect. I know it doesn't feel good when your performance is off and I know it is embarrassing, but keep on keeping on anyway! You don't have to apologize. We musicians are probably our own worst critics.
geevee on 11/18/2006:
I was in the high school band but was a mediocre player, NEVER good enough to play the parts that you do. I can well imagine the pain you are suffering now, and don't know what to say to make you feel better.. I guess nothing would do.
But you know, not everyone is honed in on the details like you are, and probably many in the audience didn't detect the faults that you did, so you shouldn't worry about this particular performance. I'm absolutely sure that EVERY single musician has had a similar experience.
Think of an opera star and what is involved with hitting "that particular note" and how the star's whole reputation is at stake, and then you have compassion for what the general public would call bad night.
Don't worry about it! It's not as bad as you think it is.
geevee on 11/18/2006:
A PS - Your personal standard of excellence is not the same as the general public's.
Moody on 11/19/2006:
I am sorry that things didn't go as well as you had hoped. I am sure tho that you are your own worse critic and I was thinking the same thing that geevee said..if I was in the audience I am sure that I wouldn't have picked up on anything, I mean that. Nerves can really get the best of us sometimes, especially when we know that we have made a mistake, that just puts MORE pressure on us and seems like we screw up even more. But as I said, I'm sure you are your own worse critic. Did you talk to you friend afterwards and see what she thought?
On another note; you said you thought you would be too upset to binge. I find myself binging in the most in THOSE situations. Stressed, upset and frustrated...I am not at all surprised you took out your feelings with food.
Take care hon..I hope you have a relaxing Sunday. ****Hugs****