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Horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 17, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

hey all...i promise to comment on your diaries more this weekend.

today: 1620 calories.

exercise: 30 min weights, 50 min elliptical

weightlossyoyo on 05/17/2007:
YEAH on the exercise! Hope you are feeling better!

greengirl on 05/18/2007:
Congrats on the cals and the exercise. Doing good, girl!!!

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 16, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

no exercise.

1640 calories.

I've been abnormally tired and shakey these past few days. calories have been fine. i wonder why?

No exercise. I'm letting muscles recover so that perhaps on Thursday I will be able to workout extra well! I know my body needs the time...but then I will try to make my workout on Thursday the best it can be.

i will update with calories for the day when the day is done!

weightlossyoyo on 05/16/2007:
Hope you feel better! Have you checked your suger lately? Maybe it is too high or too low.

maria777 on 05/16/2007:
Yes, it could be a low sugar thing. OR it could be a need-salt thing.

borntocry on 05/16/2007:
Oh my, same here. Maybe you're starving to death. At least that's how what it feels like for me!

greengirl on 05/17/2007:
If the shakey feeling persists, you should have it checked out, just to be on the safe side. Take care of yourself :o)

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 15, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

hi. total exercise: 75 min

exercise: weights = half hour

elliptical = 45 min!

calories = 1790.

weightlossyoyo on 05/15/2007:
Very good day today!!!

hollybelle on 05/17/2007:
WOW - good day!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday May 14, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

edit: no exercise. instead, bed on time and i'll get some practicing in.

exercise tomorrow...no matter what!!!

hey all.

it's true. i guess we all have family conflict from time to time. you see, my mom's side of the family holds major grudges. she doesn't speak to anyone at all on her side. so...in some ways it could turn out that way for me. i'd rather it not....but my mom is doing nothing to stop it. she just pushes me out more and more.

anyways, i still didn't get my car fixed....it seems nobody will give me a loaner free of charge....not even honda. i'm having my case worked on...so we shall see. hopefully things will turn up by tomorrow!

calories: 1850. i wanted lower, but breakfast was almost 600...

exercise: hopefully i'll get in 20 minutes later...

Donkey on 05/14/2007:
If it's any consolation, my relationship with my mother was very toxic until after I moved out on my own. I had a year or 2 where I didn't go to any family holidays because I wasn't strong enough to handle any **** she might give me.

Honestly, if I didn't have kids, I don't think we'd have a very good relationship at all.

geevee on 05/14/2007:
I had the same problem with my mother, and in retrospect I realize that it wasn't me that was causing the problem but it was between her and my father. You never know!

Anyway, you're getting a strong message that it's time for you to leave, and you should. It would be best for everyone.

Find a friend or stranger who you could room with. It's time to go out on your own.

My mother did exactly what your mother is doing, and I finally figured out that my life would be a lot easier if I wasn't at home. ANd it was!

weightlossyoyo on 05/14/2007:
I hope things get better with you and your mother soon! Calm down and take a yoga class you will feel better :)

borntocry on 05/15/2007:
It's true, my relationship with my mother was also terrible until I moved out. Now she adores me - but notice how it didn't take her long to start nagging at me again after I made a special effort to spend more time with them this past month. So I guess nothing ever really changes. If you can't move out right now, just try to stay out of your mother's way as much as possible. The less the two of you cross paths, the easier it will be for both of you. And try not to let her attitude towards you affect you too much. I know that's easier said than done. I am a very sensitive person myself and even if I tell myself I don't care what my parents say or think of me, it does affect me. You've just got to try to develop a thick skin about it.

Thanks for the comment you left me. Unfortunately my husband is depressed these days too, about something else (an exam he's taking in a couple of weeks, which he's sure he's going to fail). So I guess we've just been weighing each other down. But we're planning a holiday together next month. Hopefully that will help cheer both of us up! Do you have any suggestions? There are three options: Corsica, Holland or Scandinavia. What do you think?!

greengirl on 05/15/2007:
Whan I said it was time to move on, I meant time to move out and start out on your own. I know it is difficult (and expensive!!) but if you can manage it, I'm sure it would be good for you. I hope things have cooled down for you at home :)

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday May 13, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

hey all!

the good news is that is will not be raining in the next two days...so i don't have to worry about the sunroof being broken! I hope Honda has a loaner for me tomorrow!

exercise: nada. that's ok - busy day.

calories: 1720. good.

i'm hoping for a good week. so far, so good!

i did buy my mom mother's day flowers...the night before because today i had an obligation to play at a graduation all afternoon and then see a student's performance tonight. my mom knew about all of this in advance. plus, we don't do big celebrations for holidays in my family.

so, she saw the flowers and hardly said thank you. the first things out of her mouth this morning were really rude and nasty sounding to me. so, mother's day was not as pleasant as it could have been. i was a baby and threw out the flowers after seeing how unappreciative my mom was. i know, i should have kept my mouth shut and just yessed her to death about everything.

my mom is pissing me off sooooo bad. everything i eat smells...from tuna to peanut butter, beans, microwable meals, the shirtaki noodes, kelp noodles, mac and cheese...you name it! if it has a smell, she doesn't like it!!!! insanity.

today, i made myself some beans, vegetables, and packaged teryaki salmon and my mom made a huge grumpy frown at it as i went to sit down and the table next to her. my grandmother was visiting...and i was only going to be home for a couple hours before going out again. so, i took my food to my room. my mom is so "immature." it's not everyday my grandmother is here. it's not like her food doesn't smell. she takes everything like its gonna hurt her. its only food. eh. annoying, annoying, annoying. its frustrating to have to walk on eggshells and feel all frustrated when i prepare food, any food. her comments drive me up the wall. i would move out if i had a steady job. once i do...i will! trust me on that!

also, i am not talking at all to my sister. i feel that she never does anything...and when she actually does do some work...she thinks we should all celebrate and commend her. whatever! i hate it when she tells my parents on me as if she were 3 yrs old. she holds us all to such high expectations...like me cleaning the bathroom...but she never has to do anything. i just cant believe that she really thinks she does literally anything for the good of the household. she sleeps all day when she doesn't need to do anything...almost NEVER gets anyone anyhting....not even a card for holidays/celebrations. she didn't get my mom a mother's day card or flowers. what the .....! i don't get it. she sucks up to people when she wants something...and NEVER does a favor for people unless there's something in it for her. once, i needed a bunch..like 70...pencils sharpened with an electric sharpener. i didn't have time. I knew she wouldn't do it just because. so, i offered to pay her. I paid her 20 bucks. I've also paid her to clean the bathroom when it gets so dirty that i can't stand it...but don't have time to clean it. i think that only happened once. she'll never put the dishwasher on or clean the sink of other people's stuff. she is lazy. she annoys me. sorry guys for this rant!

smiley2 on 05/13/2007:
Hi there! I think when you move out the relationship with your mother and sister will become less stressful on you. Sometimes when we live with family our personalities are very different from when we live apart from them. Maybe you and your sister are just in a certain stage where you clash and when you see each other less it will become better. Until then, try and accept your situation, but do speak out if you feel like it, also keep silent when you think its best. Good luck! Wx

greengirl on 05/14/2007:
Having a bunch of adults living in one house is always difficult!! For the sake of your own sanity try to ignore the comments about the food smells. My husband gets a bit like that sometimes. I think it's because he has got nothing better to occupy his mind because he no longer goes out to work whereas I do. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue before I say something hurtful to him!!! I think it's time you moved on :0)

borntocry on 05/14/2007:
Gosh, your family sounds so mean. I'm in no position to give any family-related advice. But you can come and vent here any time, and know that we are on your side!

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 12, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

1520 calories. 60 min yoga!

well...interesting story to follow:

I go to the car wash and when i get in my car and close the door i hear something crackle. so, i open the door; and close it again. i hear the same sound. i get out of my car to take a look; and the sunroof is shattered!!!! yeah! the glass is a mess!

so, i had to go to the dealership...and they couldn't give me a loaner car. so, i still had to use mine...but if it rains, i can't drive it and will have to leave it in the garage. i usually don't use the garage because my parents do.

how strange. the insurance covers it. the car is only 1 1/2 years old! its a honda civic coupe.

greengirl on 05/13/2007:
Bad luck with the sunroof!!!! Keep up the good work with the cals and exercise :o)

Horn_of_plenty - Friday May 11, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

total exercise: 60 min

hey all.

Friday's calories: 1630

Friday's exercise: 30min elliptical, 30 min weights! not bad!

Have a great night.

I need yoga tomorrow.

oh, i stepped on the scale with my jeans on, 118 lbs.

i'm getting freaked.

I need to turn on the weight loss now, before it's too late!

I know that number is pretty accurate.

halley on 05/12/2007:
I love yoga - it really makes you feel great. Are you keeping up with eating lots of vegetables.

borntocry on 05/12/2007:
Hi HoP! Jeans weigh a lot - at least two or three pounds. Plus any other clothes you might have had on. And I bet you didn't weigh yourself first thing in the morning. But maybe you don't want to know exactly how much you weigh? I know I don't want to know how much I weigh after today.

Look, we've both had some horrible binges lately. Let's back to the straight and narrow now, together!

Oh and thanks for your comment(s). I think you're right - I should have told my parents that all their nagging makes my visits a lot less fun for me. But it's too late now. They've gone back to Asia. I won't see them again for the next three months. Which is for the best, I guess.

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 10, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

Thanks greengirl, weightlossyoyo, donkey and hollybelle for your really caring, helpful comments.

I definitely need to change some of my bad habits, i know that.

and yes, i binge because i'm stressing about things other than food. i concentrate on food to take my mind off other things...so you've pinpointed that right, hollybelle.

1410 calories. 45 minutes exercise walking on treadmill.

GG on 05/10/2007:
If you are stressing you should go for a walk during that period because walking is a known stress releaver...of if your really not in the mood to do that, pop in some pieces of gum and chew away! Stress ball in your mouth! haha Plus is staves off cravings for any type of food!!! Honestly it works pretty well!

greengirl on 05/11/2007:
Sounds like good advice from GG. Have a good weekend. We are all behind you :0)

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 09, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

hollybelle, that was my exact plan....no binges = success.

well, success was halterred. i really don't know why this time. I mean, how much weight will i gain before i decide to eat normally? i really don't know what to do.

ah, well.

calories today: 3,460. dinner calories = 2160.

and, i did eat good meals throught the day. i did have a substantial breakfast. it's ALL in my head. that's why the binges occur.

my 41 day total really stinks. it is 2023.

what does that mean? it means that on average, i have been eating 2023 calories per day for the past 41 days...

let me see what that means: 3 lb gain due to the excess calories. i figure i really burn about 1780 per day, so all the extra adds up to a 3 lb gain.

what should i do? should i just deal with the gain. and not diet? i totally am at a loss...i have no idea what to do with myself right now.

i was debating even counting calories anymore.

i've gone so numb.


Donkey on 05/09/2007:
Personally, if this were ME, I would do whatever it took to STOP the binges. If I gain, fine. If I lose, fine. I am very uncomfortable with myself when I binge. It's not a good place to be. But this is ME.

BTW, you may have "gained" more or less than 3lb. Bingeing causes your body to retain water. If you're eating carbs or salty foods, you'll retain water. Lots of fiber foods will pass through you, undigested (the fiber passes). You may have also stoked your metabolism with more food, and therefore have an increased metabolism. So only the scale can really tell.

But really, I'd put that all aside and focus on healthy eating habits and being in control (versus feeling out of control with food). Then after a couple of months of feeling good about my relationship with food (which is pitiful to say in itself), then I might look to change it up a bit.

This is just my 2 cents. I'll still read your Diet Diary no matter what course of action you decide to take.

weightlossyoyo on 05/10/2007:
You WILL get back in the game and start doing good again!

hollybelle on 05/10/2007:
The road to moderation is a bumpy one sometimes. I had such an all or nothing personality (if you know what I mean) that I had such highs and lows in everything all my life that it DROVE me to work toward moderation in all aspects of my life. It has taken YEARS to get to where I am and it was all done a little at a time and I still have a long way to go in certain areas. It creeps back whenever I don't take care of myself emotionally. I find that whenever I focus too much on ANYTHING - that thing just takes over my life in a way that is not healthy. So I really have to watch my thinking about food and how I approach weight loss. I loved Donkey's comments about changing the focus to eating health and one's relationship wth food rather than counting calories. BUT, all that said, you are more aware of what works for you, what doesn't. It's important that what you are doing isn't stressing you out. Sometimes to find out why food is stressing me out I need to figure out what else is stressing me out, really, and ask if there is a correlation between the two. I try to identify my emotional triggers and then practice over-riding the impulse to over eat in response to them. I find that when I am stressed about my eating habits, what I really am is stressed about something else that I am not dealing with or something I don't yet know how to deal with and I use the food, putting myself into a situation where I overeat and get concerened about gaining weight, and use that worry as a diversion from what the "real" stressor is. This is all pretty human behavior - problem is - it doesn't work, of course. I don't know if you identify with this or not (or if anyone else does), but thought I'd throw it out there for thought.

greengirl on 05/10/2007:
HOP you are going through a really stressful time in your life and at times like these, something tends to give! This is just the way some people react to stress. The best thing you can do is make sure that you are eating healthy foods (even if you are binging on them) to limit the damage. I wish you well, take care of yourself :)

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 08, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

calories: 2070.

on the way home, i bought a mcdonald's hamburger and salad because i was starving after taking an exam...

when i got home, i directly went to make some food. i ate the teriaki tuna that comes in those sealed packages ... very good. but, i threw out the cauliflower which is seasoned with lots of salt. I actually didn't want it. Then, i had a splurge, but i will not call it a binge, of a powerbar, greek yogurt, and oatmeal with some stevia and cinnamon. these things put me over 2000. Lol, at first i was planning on eating in the 1700s. ehhh.

total for the day: 2070. could be much worse, i'm fine with it, actually!


maria777 on 05/08/2007:
When I have a '2000 day' I just tell myself at least it wasn't a '3000 day', which it EASILY could have been! When you're hungry, you're hungry!

babyred811 on 05/08/2007:
You did ok, take one day at a time. I try to do that, and it helps make the days go easier. Being a diabetic I know I have to keep sugar level even. So taking a day at a time is a good thing for me.

hollybelle on 05/09/2007:
Just catching up with you. Looks like you are holding your own. No binges = success. How is your job situation going these days?

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