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Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Jan 17, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Friday afternoon entry:

Today has gone pretty well. I have this huge pimple on my chin area though...and i can't even cover it up well...but i'm going out on this date anyways...

exercise so far: 15 min . haha. plus yoga = 1hr, 45min :) ok.

total exercise: 23hrs, 50 min :)

calories so far: 600. yeah, a really good food day! :) Going out to dinner...I want to keep it light, this day can be GREAT calorie-wise. I just want a salad.

lately, munching on almonds throughout the morning really, really helps. It must be at least two servings. my cravings at lunch have become much more minimal! :)


Thursday entry:

yesterday i binged and had around 4300 cal.

today started out bad and got better. i have 1340 cal now, before yoga. I plan on going up to 1540 today.

calories: 1400. I'm tired and i'm going to bed. NO MORE EATING for tonight! tomorrow is going to be a challenging day bc the kids I usually teach have like an all day party in their classes...leading to a lot of free time for myself where i can go and get a snack. I'll try to plan healthfully!

exercise 1.5hours.

total ex: 22hr, 5 min

When i binge, I get very negative with myself. I pretty much want to isolate myself from all social situations because i hate how i look...especially my clothes. anyways, i was going to cancel the date tomorrow night because i'm feeling so crappy, but i'll stick with it and see if it goes well. That will help me decide if I want to go out with him anymore.

Donkey on 01/17/2008:
I agree -- it may be a good indicator if you still want to date this man. I have to say, my Husband is the only one I would want with me when I am at my worst feeling.

dearerdiarist on 01/17/2008:
Fight isolating yourself at all costs, HOP. There surely are so very many lovely things about you besides the image you have of yourself in your wanting to lose weight mode. You are a work in progress. Glad that you have decided to stick with the date in spite of feeling "crappy" :) Have fun!

maria777 on 01/17/2008:
Hope you've had a better day today! Your plan for eating today sounds good.

legcramps on 01/17/2008:
Gather up that strength, HoP, and get back into it! You're doing fine, forget about the binge and focus on what it's trying to tell you - maybe you're overdoing things and you need to be still for a moment and figure out what it is you're trying to accomplish. Things are looking GOOD today! Get to that yoga class!

workingit2 on 01/17/2008:
Relax..take some deep breaths...and don't beat yourself up! You know this is a pattern and you are learning how to recognize it and learning what triggers it..cut yourself some slack. An ED is nothing easy to deal with =) I think you are doing very well considering what you are struggling against in all areas of your life.

applemarket on 01/18/2008:
You may have had a slip-up with that binge but at least you still got your exercise in and this day's calorie count was low! It's hard to get back on the wagon but it's much harder dealing with negative emotions, bad body image and feeling fat and unhealthy! Sometimes I hate how I look too and refuse to leave the house, the only thing that comes from that is sitting in front of the tv and binging continuously. So you should go out and have fun and put the bad day behind you!!

borntocry on 01/18/2008:
Oh, poor HoP! I know what you mean - overeating puts me in a VERY unromantic mood! And I can rarely share the reason with my husband because of his unsympathetic attitude towards this kind of behaviour. But maybe the thought of the upcoming date will help curb your urge to snack during the day. I remember that was the case for me when I was first going out with my husband. One time I got a lovely goat-cheese salad but couldn't eat a single bite because I was so enthralled by his charms, haha!

hopinforachange on 01/18/2008:
I hope that you have had a good day today. Do you think we will ever get over those awful pimples? I thought we were supposed to grow out of that. Take care of yourself and keep your chin up.

workingit2 on 01/18/2008:
How cool that almonds are helping! Have fun on your date! =) **remember, we want some details! lol**

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Jan 16, 2008

Weight: 0.0

15 slow, lousy minutes on treadmill. slow means mostly below 3.0 not kidding!

total exercise: 20hrs, 35min.

I can be a broken record sometimes, but it happened again...

Binge today. just not a good day. should have went to yoga! Lately, I've been tired and that's why i think i binged.

before the binge: 1190 cal.

my binge: it started out inocentally with a bottle of kombucha. 60 cal., english muffin with zero calorie spread (120), two light hot dogs (140)and 3 plum tomotoes (60), potato chips (150), vegetable chips 4 servings (600), 2 pieces pound cake (420), one yogurt (140), 6 tablespoons peanut butter (600), ice cream (120), 3 chocolate covered cherries (170) ....trying to remember if i forgot anything...it was all VERY tasty.

after binge: 3770....plus another 600 = 4270 total.

I did this last week and that's why I didn't loose any weight this week. I guess next week is the same thing. I'm caught in a little bit of a struggle arg! i can get out!

noelgiger on 01/16/2008:
Yum - sounds good to this pregnant lady. LOL Tomorrow is another day!

maria777 on 01/16/2008:
I had to get out of the binges, too, as you know. I almost had one the other nite when I got on here instead and announced it and got a good response of help. I almost gave in that nite. Then the next nite I did give in a little. I must say your binge menu does sound delicious. Especially the pound cake, the ice cream, the 3 choc covered cherries...YUM!!!

workingit2 on 01/16/2008:
Knowing that your binges are responsible for you not being able to lose any weight, is a very good thing. It beats saying "I don't understand why I can't lose weight!" Being mindful of it might be the key that helps you prevent the binges. =)

cushy on 01/16/2008:
what floats your boat? could you say next "binge" will be a bubble bath with a juicy tabloid mag? Also, just not having tempting things around is the nicest and kindest thing you can do for yourself. that said, it could have been a whole lot worse. you are honest with yourself! good for you and you will be fine!

applemarket on 01/16/2008:
Binges are horrible things. But I hope you still feel relatively happy, since the food was VERY tasty. The worse thing to do is to give up and continue to binge the rest of the week since you messed up one day. Drink lots of water to flush out your system and eat light with yogurt and cottage cheese instead of cereal or oatmeal. Since you had quite a lot of carbs and sweets, stay away from processed carbs like white bread and pasta, and all sweets!

mcwoo40 on 01/17/2008:
That's why I have'nt been around cos i felt like a broken record.I said to myself if i have nothing positive to say,don't do an entry.I know all this bingeing has caught up on me though,i'm feeling lousey IT HAS TO STOP.Take care,Julie

CritterMom on 01/17/2008:
Could it be that you feel like crap because that is what you keep eating??? There just may be a connection! Try eating RIGHT for a few days, and MAKE yourself get up and get going. Pretty soon you will find that you're feeling so much better. (There, you've gotten your official tail-kicking for today!)

borntocry on 01/17/2008:
Hi HoP!

I wish I had some great advice to give you, but if I did, then I wouldn't be trapped in the same binge cycle myself! It looks like you wanted to sample everything in the house, which is pretty much the way I usually am during a binge. Except last time I tried something new - restricting my binge to only one or two foods (in this case, bread and chocolate chip Weetabix). I think it actually did work because I couldn't go over about 800 calories of each before I felt sick and had to stop. Although those were certainly among the least nutritious 1600 calories I ever consumed!

I agree that maybe we are being too lenient with ourselves. For me, it all began when I got down to 106 lb last summer. I wisely decided to focus on maintaining instead of losing more and allowed myself 1500 calories a day. That was great at first. I had the occasional splurge on the weekend but I didn't bother to try to make up for it because I figured I had enough "leeway" to gain a little. Only food is addictive and the splurges gradually become more and more frequent, and because I had stopped trying to make up for them, my weight started to creep up again. My solution was simply to stop weighing myself! Telling myself that my weight would eventually come back down. But how could it? When I had completely stopped doing anything to make it happen?

Now I finally see why geevee and others used to say that it is easier to lose than to maintain. At the time, I thought that was insane! But now I see that I need the focus which I can only get from trying to work towards a goal rather than simply maintain the status quo. You get a sense of accomplishment from losing weight that you don't get from just not gaining weight! So henceforth I am going back to trying to lose, even if it's just one or two pounds. Things are already looking up for me - hopefully you too!

dearerdiarist on 01/17/2008:
Keep remembering that it is good to come here no matter what record is playing. And, that falling from your own grace is only a moment in time and that you have all the power to jump right back in with new resolve. Thank you for being brave and honest with us because it is happening here and there or MORE here and there (at times) and helps everyone. It really seems to be good medicine for each of us. We offer this or that to another and in doing so it helps us with our own issues. I hope that you are having a good day today :)

harleygirl79 on 01/17/2008:
I find that if I keep myself real busy, I don't want to binge or snack. I was cleaning file drawers today at work and worked right through my morning snack. Didn't even miss it. Hang in there.

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jan 15, 2008

Weight: 0.0

yesterday was a big breakfast and today was a big lunch. I know that if I don't watch myself, i could end up binging soon! I need to remember that my body DOES need carbs and that veggies really don't make up for them - and that good grains/breads are good for me...and to eat them so i don't binge on the bad stuff! ok, 'nuff said about that!

exercise so far: 15 min. I need to volunteer for two hours this evening. I don't want to rush to get ready for yoga, either. I was tired today bc i didn't get enough sleep. I was on the phone with the guy and I also woke up in the middle of the night.

exercise: only 15 min this morning but its ok bc i was on my feet volunteering tonight.

total exercise: 20 hrs, 20min.

calories are 1580. I'm totally fine with this amount! I got some tasty foods in and a good amount of breads/starches. I want to work on this area, making sure I do eat breads - and usually the whole grain type! Sometimes, I refrain from most grains and that leads to carb binging later.

What do I want for dinner?? I plan to have not too many veggies bc I had them at lunch and I'm craving OTHER carbs at the moment, although I did have two servings of chips at lunch as well! What should I have!? for some reason, I can't seem to make up my mind. I think its because I'm full at this very moment.

I'm still having nuts everyday and I also ordered a new face wash online because I tried someone else's and it was so gentle on my face! I'll do anything to have clear skin again! My skin isn't terrible but I cannot go a week without a breakout!

applemarket on 01/16/2008:
Water is the best solution for breakouts. Try to drink at least 2 litres a day and you'll find that your skin will clear up by itself without help from wash washes. But of course, I love face washes and use them anyway to remove oil and stuff. And protein is supposedly the best way to curb carb binges because they take longer to digest so you feel fuller for a longer period of time. But I don't binge because I'm hungry, I binge because of other reasons. Anyway, I hope the comment is useful for you nevertheless!

elketikvah on 01/16/2008:
Dear Horn, I dont have the recipe as this is made and sent to me for the duration of the accident. I will however ask the woman who sent it to me for the recipe. Thanks, Ellen Hope

fritters on 01/16/2008:
you can't have too many veggies! I hope you have a good Wednesday

hopinforachange on 01/16/2008:
I hope that you have had a good day today. Good job eating all those veggies. I need to work on eating more of them. I to try to stay away from breads. I find it makes me just want to overeat on it. Take care!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Jan 14, 2008

Weight: 0.0

good day today!

exercise: 1hr, 45 min. mostly yoga and a 15 min walk. haha.

total exercise: 20 hrs, 20 min!!! :)

calories: 1260 you bet i'm happy. big breakfast and i still watched throughout the day and this worked out wonderfully! :)

My dad said that if i do a couple errands every saturday he'd pay me $48 dollars a week...about 200 a month. Of course I said yes and now I'll make a good amount of extra money each month! yay for that! :)

Is it wrong to just go with the flow in a relationship because I haven't had one in awhile...even though I'm not sure if I'm as attracted to him as I should be??? arg. I always give myself a really hard time with this.

I'm looking foward to a wonderful day tomorrow. I will definitely have to volunteer. I'll only do it for ONE hour though! I want to fit in yoga as well.

I also help out in an afterschool program 2 days a week that I get paid an hour each day for. I am thankful for the couple of extra opportunities that I am fortunate to have right now because they provide me with some extra spending money! yay for that!

goodnight all! :)

Workingit2 on 01/14/2008:
LOL how did dad get the $48 a week figure? That sounds like a number my dad would throw out there...too funny! Well, no matter, that is very nice of the two of you to help each other out.

And congratulations on the great eating days! You should be very proud of yourself!

Nothing wrong with going with the flow...just don't give your heart or act like you have or lead anyone on.

Have a great evening and a great day tomorrow!

maria777 on 01/14/2008:
If you settle for less, that's what you'll get...less. In settling for less, you can end up missing out on....you guessed it...the best.

fritters on 01/15/2008:
Go with the flow - take it slow - and see if it feels 'right'. You had a really good day with exercise and calories. Good for you! Do you have plans for all that extra money? Something fun or savings????

legcramps on 01/15/2008:
Great job on the exercise! You've been doing very well lately, you should be proud of yourself!

shadetree on 01/15/2008:
It's okay to go with the flow - sometimes you just don't know right away. I was best friends with a guy for about five years, and then one day something just happened...SURPRISE! It was really weird how it happened, but it did! So you never know!

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jan 13, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Sunday evening edit:

My date was good, long kiss before train ride home...i will say more tomorrow. I'm still thinking about it and trying to decide if we have enough in common and could possibly be something together.

1790 calories...210 of them being this awesome sour cream pound cake. sounds bad, tastes good! entenman's brand.


exercise: 2.5 hours :) walking/yoga.

total exercise: 18hrs, 35 min!!!! yeah!


11am edit: calories already 1020 and i'm still going to try to have success with eating lower than 1600 today. If all fails, I will still eat healthy - I promise myself this! :)


I had a really big breakfast this morning, 730 calories. But now I am done and I feel good and ready to begin a successful day.

Sunday 8:10 AM entry: off to a good start. I went to bed at 3:30am, but I am wide awake today at 8am! Gosh, that's not much sleep! But, at least I'll fall asleep early tonight! I will definitely go to yoga today and walk outside if it turns out to be around 50 degrees.

I will also start my new book by the same author as the last book i was reading. It's called Reality Queen. haha, these books are just for the fun of it, not educational in the least! You do learn a few lessons. I love the author, Debbie DiGiovanni who also wrote Jamaican' Me Crazy. It's an entertaining book about some married ladies on their Christmas Vacation who end up being allowed to take a vacation away from their families during Christmas! Its a weird topic but it ends up teaching quite a few lessons about love and family...and I read it during the winter/Christmas school break. It was written really really recently and some of the things she talks about still linger in the current news. I enjoyed reading it so much that when i went to my public library, I asked for another book by her and they were able to borrow Reality Queen from a nearby library! I'm glad I've begun to read again. I was not a big reader in high school and I feel its important to read, whatever it is you like, because it's good to do more than watch tv.

I have some laundry to catch up on, not much since i've been doing it as soon as it fills up my bin lately so that I don't have more than one load to do at a time. Works out well I tell you! I will also stop by the supermarket to pick up a few things, mainly veggies for the week. Most other things I already have. Kinda like BTC, I'm trying to use up all my "reserves" before going food shopping for all new things. I don't have a lot of money to spare this year so I like to know that I am actually finishing what I bought before i buy too much more!

My dentist appt was a success yesterday, no cavities! yay!

I hope everyone enjoys their day! :)

shadetree on 01/13/2008:
Does the lack of details on the date mean that it wasn't worth reporting? A few of us live our social lives thru you lol...

Yay on the success at the dentist! I love the feeling of just cleaned teeth - and it's even better when you don't have to go back to get yet another hole drilled in your head.

Have a good day!

workingit2 on 01/13/2008:
Ohhh you did a late night last night! DETAILS! lol j/k

Enjoy that book and eat healthy! Have a great day, HOP =)

Donkey on 01/13/2008:
How was the date?

Yes, make a pledge to yourself that regardless of what the calories may end up being, that your choices will be optimally healthy. You can do it!

jon'smom on 01/13/2008:
I love to go to the library and check out books. I like to read alot of domestic fiction. Anyways you sound very much awake, lol. Have a great day!!

mcwoo40 on 01/13/2008:
Hiya,Just popped by to say have a great week,lots of healthy stuffs hey!!Julie

CharlieAngel on 01/13/2008:
I love to read too! Just finished a book called "On Strike for Christmas" by Sheila Roberts. It was about woman making their husbands plan and execute Christmas as a way of letting them know how much effort goes in to it. In the end they learned a few lessons themselves. Take care and have fun at Yoga!

maria777 on 01/13/2008:
I've always been curious about yoga but have never tried it. Maybe I can find where they offer it around here. It sounds like a relaxing exercise (if there IS such a thing, hehehe!)

CritterMom on 01/13/2008:
Yay on no cavities!! The books sound interesting. I'll have to check my library to see if they have them.

shadetree on 01/13/2008:
You should check out the Leslie Sansone videos - there seems to be a ton to choose from (I've seen at least ten different ones). I have three different ones, one is toning (three ten minute segments) and the other two are 'walking' (a 2 mile and a 4 mile)- but she mixes it up with knee lifts and side steps etc so you don't get bored. (The two mile, has lunges and squats, you can do with hand weights to up it a little more.) I think I like her because she is down to earth - not one of those overly peppy almost phony people. I started out with one, because around here in the winter it's so difficult to get outside to exercise. Dark when I go to work, dark when I get out, highs in the 20's, ice, snow, no sidewalks, and there's no gym I can go to...Liked the first one so much I got another, and then another...and I almost bought a set of them at Sam's yesterday - I think it was less than $40, maybe even less than $30, and it came with I think four videos and an exercise band, and some other stuff that I can't remember...I have to get an oil change maybe next weekend, if it's still there I still might get it! I saw that you commented a couple times on her videos - maybe you could get one and when you start to feel like nibbling at home, throw it in and exercise! Worth a shot! I think you'd enjoy them.

fritters on 01/13/2008:
A LONG KISS!! Sounds promising! I hope you had a lot of fun. It would be nice to have the time and energy to do as much exercise as you are able to do! Good Job

workingit2 on 01/13/2008:
Great job on your calories! Kissing is a lot of fun! Have a great day tomorrow =)

cushy on 01/14/2008:
kissing burns calories!!!!

borntocry on 01/14/2008:
I knew you would be able to relate to me on using up the "reserves", heh! ;)

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jan 13, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Saturday evening, actually Sunday 3am entry:

exercise: 2hrs.

16hrs, 5min :) and walking in the city, which i did not record. I think its only fair for me to record planned exercise! LOL

i went to a restaurant in NYC for dinner, so I have to estimate calories. I ate my entire dinner, so calories are higher.

I'm estimating Saturday's calories as 2,000. I think this is a good estimate and I know that I have balanced out the calories today with exercise. I plan for tomorrow to be a good eating day. I'd like to have 1550 tomorrow or something to that degree.

caz on 01/13/2008:
It's hard when you have to estimate calories at restaurants. It's good you are conscious of how you eat, calories etc you take in..I am trying to do similar. I find it harder to organise my eating times too when we go out for the day. Yesterday Drew was off work so we went visiting and looking for a new car. It was really difficult to eat at a set time orfind somewhere to get healthy food..Next time I plan to take emergency supplies.. Have a good day !!

hopinforachange on 01/13/2008:
I hope that your date went nice for you. I wish you luck today on a good eating day. Take care!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Jan 11, 2008

Weight: 0.0

SATURDAY AM edit: feeling slightly bingy but working through it this morning. I will not snack again until I eat after yoga. There's no need since my breakfast was balanced. 310 cal so far.

I am aiming to eat will since i am going out tonight with my date. i might suggest we go to an organic food place in the city, New York City, that is. He's into healthy foods...and all of you know i am...so we shall see! He doesn't drink much, and neither do i, so this would be fun for us both!

i also have a dentist appt at 5pm. Then i'll come home to quickly put on some makeup/fix makeup because you know how it is as the dentist with all the spraying and stuff they do around your mouth you never look good after.

hmmmm, the day is ok so far... :)

I will record 2hours as my saturday exercise! yay. 16 hrs, 5min total.


Friday entry:

there is one person on here that I leave comments for and she never leaves them for me! why!?

good day. 2 hrs exercise!


1400. this is much, much better than yesterday and a good amount for me.

if i can weigh 105...or inbetween 105-110 for the rest of my life...i would be VERY happy with that weight. I soooo would like to be this weight by the end of the school year. I probably weigh around 125 right now. I need to get a move-on. I could lose 3 lbs a month, then by the end of June I'd weigh 110! That would be just so awesome. But, this is kind of a lofty goal. Not much wiggle room, but less than a lb a week for weight loss. It's doable. The last time I weighed 110, actually around 107, was last December '06. I'd like to maintain my weight better than i did last year bc i dropped fast but then didn't keep it as low as I would have liked. blah blah. enough rambling!

anyways, i went to costco with my parents. I wanted to buy a big thing of almonds but somehow we didn't leave the store with them! they got placed back on the shelf...ooops. It was good to just walk around and not sit on my ass all night! :)

timeforachange on 01/11/2008:
Aww well I don't know if it was me you were referring to in the first sentence, but sorry I've been lacking in the comment department anyway. Sounds like a reasonable goal, but like you said, don't make it a goal that if you miss one week or don't lose that 1/2 pound here or there it upsets you. Sounds like you are doing well and keep it up! Mmmmm almonds are my FAVORITE and they sound good right about now. haha 11PM..what a wonderful time to be thinking of food =P. Well not sure when I'll be back on here since my hubby is coming home tomorrow, but I will try to stop in and catch up! Have a wonderful weekend!

Moody2 on 01/11/2008:
Losing 3lbs a month really is very doable..and you CAN do this!! I know you can!!!

Moody2 on 01/11/2008:
And Woohooo on the exercise today!!! Awesome!!

cushy on 01/11/2008:
you are doing super! almonds are a snack staple for me. trader joe's has really good roasted ones.

hopinforachange on 01/12/2008:
great job on the excercise for the day. and good job on the calories. I think that you can reach your goals. Just believe in yourself and it will happen. Take care.

shadetree on 01/12/2008:
Thinking of you this morning as I am reviewing a yoga video I bought a couple years ago (and have never taken out of the box!) to see if it's something I might want to do now...

Have a great time on your date tonight! (Hopefully it's just a cleaning at the dentist...)

Moody2 on 01/12/2008:
Woohooo a date tonight!! When I hear you say New York City, it seems so exciting to me! I live in a very small town with literally 1 stop light..so New York City sounds amazing!!! Hope you have a blast!

And wanted to thank you for the comment you left me..thanks hon

greengirl on 01/12/2008:
I love to hear about your social life :0) Thats because I dont have one of my own. Enjoy your date. I think it is a good thing to have something to aim for, as long as you dont get down if you miss your goal sometimes. Good luck and do your best, HoP

workingit2 on 01/12/2008:
You have a big day planned! I hope you are having fun and have a great time on your date =)

legcramps on 01/12/2008:
Yeehaw!! Great job on the exercise, HoP!! Sounds like you're going to have an awesome day, have a wonderful time tonight on your date - an organic meal out sounds delightful and if the guy is into it as well, then what a great time you should have! Take care!

starfish on 01/12/2008:
great job on exercise!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Jan 10, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Friday afternoon edit before yoga: I am doing better today. This morning was bingy but I made sure to watch myself as the afternoon went by. I am happy that my binge from yesterday is in the past and that today is a new day. I still have a goal of weightloss throughout January till June. I want to be successful, mainly because I believe that what is on the inside is not comparable to how I feel about myself on the outside.

Exercise will be at least two hours. (1/2 hour on treadmill and 1.5 hours yoga.) ...now i'm off to make a few journal comments and then catch up later with the rest of the journals! I'm excited about that! :)


Thursday entry:

1/2 hour exercise.

total 12 hrs, 5 min.

I don't think i can comment on journals right now, i'm too spacey from this binge.

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. sorry for the language, but i made a horribble choice after school today. This whole day i was hungry, moreso than usual. I didn't have cake at lunch bc it was someone's bday, but i DID come home and eat tablespoons and tablespoons of peanut butter, chips, bread, frankfurters and everything else like sweet yogurts and dried fruit that destroys a diet.

is my diet totally destroyed? of course not....

my face was improving bc i've been eating better, but today's binge surely will most definitely have an effect on the clarity of my skin...breakouts and all... i'm praying that it doesn't get worse though.

i walked 20 min in the AM. First, my plan was to do both volunteering and yoga after school. but, i was too exhausted. I am home and decided only to do yoga but then i found myself totally wrapped up in a large binge so no yoga today.

total calories are 3450. (the binge was a full 2600 cal.)

not a good day but any means. I am not proud because now i have definitely had a backslide in weightloss. what's the point of knowing what i do about health and nutrition if i can't actually use the knowledge i have. binging makes me NOT want to go out because i feel bad about myself and how i look.

i have a date Saturday evening and now I don't want to go. I spent the whole week trying to keep calories low because of my binge saturday. now, I have binged twice, Saturday and today, Thursday. arg!!! not good!!!

basically, i realize that whenever i decide to cancel my plans, it always results in a binge. so i guess being lazy is not the way to go. or, i should have just taken a nap and went to volunteer. I have to REMEMBER that TIRED doesn't mean EAT.

i'm frustrated because i know i can be something so much better than i am. on the outside is not what i know from the inside. this is hard and it shouldn't be.

I think i'm ready to stop eating when full. I think, but i'm not sure, that I am ready to be an intuitive eater again. I will count calories, but i will try to stop when full. Maybe i'll be much more successful this way. We'll see. I'm not happy how things are going.

I promise myself to be smarter about this. Much smarter. :(


workingit2 on 01/10/2008:
It sure is very hard, for ALL of us. We each have our own things that trip us up, so please don't feel alone. For as much as we all talk about everything that is good for us, and as much as we advise each other on what to do..we should all be at goal and healthy as horses, right? The most important thing is, you are learning..every time you find success, every time you fall..you still learn. And by posting openly about it the way you do, you also teach others.

Take care of yourself and rest well =)

vvvzena2 on 01/10/2008:
We all have those bad days when we want to eat everything in the house. Actually, I did today. I did really well until we went grocery shopping. I had a McDonald's snack wrap, small fry, and when we got home, I just about ate a whole box of chicken fried rice. You really can't beat yourself up too bad when this happens. If you do, you'll only make yourself feel worse than you should. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go at it again. I'm rooting for ya!

legcramps on 01/10/2008:
I agree with workingit...you are very courageous for admitting your defeats and failures here on dd's. I know for a fact that there have been many times where I have chosen to not journal at all because of the massive binge/bad day that I had. On top of the binge/bad day itself, I just cannot bear for anyone to know how much of a negative impact I can be on myself.

Remember why you're here and decide what it is you need to make a priority and work on that for a while, instead of trying to struggle through each binge feeling like a failure. It's just not worth it, HoP, it's not worth the amount of time you're spending on feeling like crap. As much as we say we have our whole lives ahead of us, that time can fly by so quickly and it would be very sad if most of that time was spent feeling horrible about ourselves.

Geez, I REALLY think I should take my own advice...

hollybelle on 01/11/2008:
You ARE learning so much. And we are learning through you, too. I loved what the others said here and find it amazing we are all so full of good advice. I realize I equate tired with eat, too. Tired means rest. I need to remember that next time, too!

maria777 on 01/11/2008:
Thanks for your encouraging words to my entry. As for your binge, it could have been MORE than 2600 cals! Just be glad it wasn't MORE and move on! I've had food binges like that, myself. I had just 'had it' and decided I was going to 'eat what I wanted' and I did! Then I got back on track!

CharlieAngel on 01/11/2008:
I think that this diet journal thing is a tool that I use to keep myself accountable, if it helps someone else, fine, if not, oh well! I sometimes go back and re-read my own journals and try to figure out what I was doing when I was successful and not so much.... Although not every one has the same issues, enough of us do that whatever you write will probably strike a cord with someone. I am sure that you will figure it out...take care of yourself.

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Jan 09, 2008

Weight: 0.0

good day overall. there WAS binge eating, but it was on healthy foods and i was able to still keep calories at a very good average. calories are 1280 and that makes me very happy. I'm STILL bloated from my binge on the weekend which is really annoying!

binge eating to me means eating when not physically hungry and eating past full...as well as contantly snacking.

the test was HARD to say the least. you can tell everyone thought so. It wasn't even meant to be finished! nobody finished any section. I think i did on the best on the reading part. there were also spelling, analysis, math, and science questions...as well as a part meant to test you on your personality. The hardest section for me was the science. I haven't taken any science for awhile on there were questions on physics, chemistry, anatomy, biology...you name it! so, that was not so hot. everything else was ok. I honestly think i did do well enough to get into a program still! Results and interviews for any program don't take place until the end of february and march. so lots of waiting time.

i did go to yoga and i also took two walks today.

today's exercise: 2hr, 10 min

total exercise: 11hrs, 35 min! :)

CritterMom on 01/10/2008:
Aren't you glad to have that test behind you now? Good job on the exercise today.

hollybelle on 01/10/2008:
Hey there! You asked me what a French Dip sandwich is - it's just a roast beef snadwich (usually thinly sliced) on Frnech Bread served with au jus to dip it in. Very good. What test did you take - didn't see that in previous. Also - good calories Wednesday!!!

legcramps on 01/10/2008:
Holy crap! Good job on the exercise!

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jan 08, 2008

Weight: 0.0

i had a mini-binge today. chips and english muffins and butter spray. lol. my lack of sleep and slight depression feelings caught up.

happily, i can report i stopped the binge after awhile.

1775 calories.

I will go to yoga, even though it's on a full stomach.

Today's exercise: 1.5 hours.

total: 9hrs, 25 min

It's gonna be a tough yoga class...ouch! :) bending over...i can feel my stomach already! but i have to go, i have to break through this.

I went to register this morning, leaving my house at 6:45am. I got to the community college at about 7am. thank god i got there then because there was already a line forming!!!!! yeah, that's right! and registration didn't start until 9am! so we waited and waited, talked and talked. I ended up getting into a sunday class in anatomy and physiology from 8:40am till 3pm! yeah, long class indeed! I originally asked for the saturday class, but the girl who went in before me got the last seat! so, I was happy to get in and know i don't have to worry anymore about that!

After that, I had to actually go somewhere else once signed in by the chairperson...i had to go to registration and wait on another line! Things took so long! then, i was told to wait on line, a third line, to pay the bill! i was angry bc i had to go back to work and couldn't believe i had to wait on the line just to pay and that i couldn't do it at another time! so, then this lady comes over about 10 minutes later, as i'm complaining to everyone and everything that will listen, annoucing to everyone that we don't have to pay now and we can go upstairs to pick up our bill and pay online within 48 hours! So, i immediately left, picked up my bill, and went to work! ugh!!!! yuck!

lately, everything is one large cruddy process! Life is a process I am learning, and we all just have to struggle through it. It makes you a better person if you do.

so, now i'm off to yoga on a bloated stomach! yucky. at least my calories are not astronomically, although most of the calories i did eat today...and all of the calories i ate this afternoon, are carbs...bread and chips. lol. arg. enough complaining already from me!...and no, i wasn't taking my time eating and that's why i binged!

shadetree on 01/08/2008:
Okay - get positive...You got into an A&P class - I remember back when I went to CC that it was impossible for people to get into one. Something like 300 people trying to get into 60 seats....Be happy that you are one step closer :).

Enjoy yoga tonight!

Donkey on 01/08/2008:
See that's not how I read your entry. You said you are learning that life is one large cruddy process. I think you've learned that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Good for you for complaining about waiting in line, and then getting results for your voice! Me, I would have just sat there for 3 hours and worried about it. I'm still trying to muster up courage to speak out.

starfish on 01/08/2008:
At least you stopped your binge. Very good :) and good for you for going to yoga!

workingit2 on 01/08/2008:
Good day all around! Congratulations!

fritters on 01/09/2008:
You stopped that binge before it was out of hand - good job! It must feel good to have registration done and know that you are on your way. Have a good day

legcramps on 01/09/2008:
I was having a rough day yesterday too, but unlike you, I decided to let it pull me under and I ended up accomplishing NOTHING. I can't believe, and I don't like myself much at all at the moment. I guess all we can say is that it's only one day, and just keep picking ourselves up off the ground. Yoga on a full stomach is hard to do - i'm trying to picture myself doing it on a full stomach. Painful.

Have a much better day today! I'm going to work on my exercise hours today!

vvvzena2 on 01/09/2008:
I'm a very vocal person myself. I've been told that it's not the best personal charateristics.:-) I think it can be. I'm glad that you got into your classes that you wanted, and that you still had the willpower to go to your yoga class! Good for you!:-) You ended your day on a good note. You should be proud of yourself.

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