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Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Dec 08, 2007

Weight: 125.0

i now have more like 15 lbs to lose, but i'll work on one pound at a time and take it from there. if i did it once, i can do it again, right!?

most importantly, i will learn to reflect on fitness and other comforting things other than food to get my feelings and emotions out! :)

total calories: 1950 (I had some wine after watching the concert. At least red wine is healthy!)

I am determined to look really hot. lol. whenever i go out with friends and have a good time, i come home determined to look hot! why is this!?

today's exercise: 1.5 hours walking.

total ex: 8hrs, 15 min.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

starfish on 12/08/2007:
Great attitude :) Try to remember that 125 at 5'2" is not considered over weight. So be gentle with yourself. If you find it difficult to stay at 1500 per day then allow 2000, then when you feel ready go down to 1900, then 1800 and on from there. I find that when I allow myself to have negative self talk for not having a perfect day it can easily send me into a downward spiral that can take weeks or months to get out of. I'm practicing being forgiving of myself if I go over my calorie goal for the day. I've realized that if I forgive myself right away then I have a much better day the next day :) and one day of over eating is much better than 30 days!

starfish on 12/08/2007:
Also to get emotions out I write in my journal or go for a walk. If you need to vent your feelings you could always let it out here too.

workingit2 on 12/08/2007:
Good job. Rest easy =)

workingit2 on 12/09/2007:
For me, looking 'hot' is about the entire package working together to help the other pieces of the package lol. Like, the hair and makeup look good and that helps perhaps the outfit look better...the outfit looks good to help the body shape look better...the body shape looks good to help everything pull together..but it isn't like I stress myself over each thing. For example, when I get out of the shower and am putting on my makeup, there is that point where I think "Ugh, it is hopeless" and get aggravated with the way I look at the moment. But I know that once I finish the makeup, that it will look very nice and I'll be happy again. So usually I hurry up with the makeup on days I feel like that lol. Or I'll think "oh yuck, my hips look horrid" (especially now) and I'll pull out my before picture or I'll hurry up and finish dressing because I know I look better with clothes ON lol.

I think it is perfectly normal to want to look hot. We all want to look good when we go out..even if it is just to the grocery store. The trick to actually living life is not to make the need to look hot, become an obsession that robs us of enjoying our TIME. I know a lot of us would live vastly different lives with vastly different thought processes if we knew we only had two weeks left to live.

So enjoy making yourself look hot! Just don't forget to enjoy LIFE while you are at it. =)

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Dec 08, 2007

Weight: 125.0

Saturday entry:

so eating started as good as I could make it the day after a three-day full out binge. I found myself stopping by the specialty supermarket after the dentist consultation. The tooth couldn't come out today, bc it was just a consultation. And, even if i do remember the dentist saying there was a possibility that he'd take it out the same day, it wouldn't happen today: my mouth by the tooth was INFECTED. and i know why, the three day binge!! Of course, I didn't mention that to the dentist, but that's pretty crazy. whenever i eat/chew overboard, this happens! sick. lol. just another reason not to let eating rule my life.

into the afternoon, eating got bad...and i've even had 6 mini lollipops...and the milano's took their toll. so far, 1770 cal.


Friday's calories were 4700. I'm ready to stop the binging for awhile. I'm getting my wisdom tooth out this morning probably...if the consultation goes well. It's a little swollen in that area due to my excessive chewing/eating.

alright everyone. have a good day.

no exercise at all on Friday.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

shadetree on 12/08/2007:
Well, on a positive note, maybe by getting your wisdom tooth out it will make it uncomfortable to eat and that will help you not binge :)

Have a good day!

borntocry on 12/08/2007:
I know what you mean - sometimes my jaw aches from eating too much. Quite embarrassing. But as shadetree says, getting a tooth out will surely curb your appetite!

Thanks for your comment. I have made butternut squash pie, but not turnip. I'd heard of that but thought it was a joke! Have you ever had it? What's it like? I like pumpkin and sweet potato pies because I don't have to add much sugar. Don't know if that would work with turnip!

geevee on 12/08/2007:
I couldn't believe the weight you posted! You now weigh what I did when I reached my goal a year and a couple of months ago. (Can't recall the exact date.) You HAVE TO get control of your eating habits or you'll be up in the 140's with me in no time at all. You DON'T want that! Your binges are taking a toll. Why don't you follow the suggestion Biscotti made not too long ago? CC

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Dec 06, 2007

Weight: 125.0

Friday morning edit:

I've already had another bingy day this morning! an apple, cup of pumpkin...and 4 tablespoons peanut butter. all together: 550 cal. the reason that i say it was a binge is because i ate past being full, way past being full.


i'm gonna die a very early death. i'll tell ya that.

4,000 calories today. almost every piece of clothing is too small. i've got problems.

yeah, i know, i need to go about this process slowly. the more pressure i put on myself, the worse off i am.

the control these past few days has been lost.

exercise: 1 hr.

this is sooo sick...and I haven't felt the way I have today and yesterday in a few weeks. It's that really weighed down feeling. When there is gross bulk in your stomach and it sits and sits there for 3 days until you feel like yourself again. I know that life will always be difficult, and i really do need to stop turning to food. I want to live a life that is so far and distant from the one i have now...where food is not an issue and i have more enery than ever before. where i'm in great shape and i don't sit around with my legs up at the computer for 3 hours or more in a row!

if i gain any more weight, i'll pretty much be at my higheset weight before i lost 30 pounds 6 years ago. I'm totally headed in the wrong direction...this is sooo sad! i need to fix this. i know how and i just give up day after day.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/06/2007:
Why do you think you aren't worth your goals?

mylifechanges on 12/06/2007:
ok girly..you're breakin my heart here! You know what I find funny? I was thinking today when I was at the gym about all of my bad days, and how it's so easy to drown in self-pity and just give into the temptation to binge. But then I started thinking about how angry I've been in the past people who I love and care about were harming themselves (cutting, anorexia, etc.). And it just made me MAD! How dare those people think of themselves as so worthless that they would bring harm to their bodies? Then it was like a SLAP in the face that I do the same thing all the time. Why is it so easy to see the worth in others, and so difficult to fight for our own?...One of the quotes that has forever stuck with me was by a woman who is now a marathon runner (one of our mutual goals!) and triatholoner (if that's a word) who has lost more than 180 pounds. She said that eventually a time comes where it will just "click" and what did it for her was the fact that she would NEVER force her children to eat more than they were hungry for, or harm their bodies in any way. So why was she doing it to herself? I think so much of this fight is very much a fight for self-worth and realizing that we as human beings are WORTH the fight. If we're not, then why are we doing it? This is something I have to remind myself of on a daily basis....So stick with it sister. Pull yourself up from the computer screen, make yourself a nice list of goals (with REWARDS), and look forward to livin TODAY! It's all we've got!!

And now, just for fun, I compiled a bunch of the best encouraging things you've left on my blog throughout the last year. Maybe reading your own words will encourage you that you've got this in you- I know you'll see it through!!!

Love. love. love. ~Michelle

"so, you've had a string of bad days, just pick up here...it's never, ever too late to change. :)"

"you will definitely get right back into the groove..... the day could have been worse!! feel better! i'm cheering for ya!"

"it's all about having more good days than bad...and you are doing a greaet job with that!! :)" (HoPs- you've ALWAYS done a great job of this!!)

"You're on your way! I have my bad weeks too! What matters is that you never completely throw the towel in!"

borntocry on 12/07/2007:
Go out and buy a bunch of health food and new workout gear. The more expensive the better. Or better yet, sign up for a race! Find some way to motivate yourself! I know it's hard... I think it's harder in the winter. I feel like doing nothing but sit at home and eat. But you have to either physically get yourself out of the house, or find some way to mentally distract yourself from food. I know you already know this, but we all need to be reminded of it from time to time!

Donkey on 12/07/2007:
I do not know how you can manage to eat plain pumpkin. Pumpkin pie filling OK, because it is sweetened and spiced. Plain ol' pumpkin by itself? Yuck. Of course, maybe if I put butter and salt on it like a sweet potato, it might taste better to me. Hmm....

workingit2 on 12/07/2007:
Have you ever tried giving yourself permission to binge, on purpose, twice a month or once a week or anything? Maybe by making it 'ok' to binge a couple times a month, it will take away the feeling that it is abnormal to binge, and you can have something to work towards? I know when I started to change my eating lifestyle, I HAD to give myself permission to have a cheat day once a week, and then it was a cheat meal, and then it was once every couple weeks, down to once every month..and now, it is once in a while. Kind of like when a guy wants to go to a strip club but his wife/girlfriend is always telling him it is bad or wrong or whatever. It makes some guys want to go even more. But when a woman says "Ok, have a great time, just remember we have soccer practice with little Jimmy tomorrow" it kind of takes away the thrill.

In one of the articles I posted recently, they discussed that the thought of binging for some people, releases a pleasure hormone that can be addictive. So maybe if you can give yourself permission to binge at specific times that you write on your day planner or whatever, maybe you'll be able to control it a little more and you will find other things in the meantime, that give you pleasure.

Just a thought!

Donkey on 12/07/2007:
I gotta say, Biscotti's got some really good insight and sage advice. I think she nailed it right on the head. If this were me, I'd print it out and carry it around with me and read it several times a day.

One thing I'd like to add to the part she said about allowing yourself to eat what you really want instead of what you think should eat: I first drink a glass of water to make sure that I am not confusing thirst with hunger. Then, if I am still hungry, yes, I go ahead and eat it. (Especially when it comes to ice cream, I will eat ice cream if I am thirsty.) :-/

But I think if you ate what you wanted or what was available (i.e. what the rest of your family eats for a meal), then you would be more satisfied in the long run.

And I would like to reiterate about the counseling too. A social worker, a RD, somebody.

legcramps on 12/07/2007:
I know how hard it is to pick yourself up once you're so far down in that hole, but you need to do it. The problem is you probably already know that and just don't care. At least, those are always my feelings. Believe me, forcing yourself to do it will get you the same results as actually wanting to do it. So whether you want it, or whether you force yourself into it - get to the gym or go for a walk; join a class or hit up a friend to do something with.

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Dec 05, 2007

Weight: 120.0

i emotionally ate 4200 calories. and, that's if i'm lucky and calculated correctly...ugh. bad stomach ache.

exercise: only AM 1/2 hour. sucky as anything!

total: 5 hrs, 45 min tomorrow i will go to yoga...and even though i had a bad day today, i am making a good attempt to recover tomorrow and for the rest of the weekend! :)

I feel like i'm at a point we're i'm almost unable to make any changes in my life...i get a step closer, and take 100 steps back.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/06/2007:
Did you have a happy Chanukah?

workingit2 on 12/06/2007:
Take a big deep breath! Keep taking those steps forward. I bet once you get active in yoga again, full time, that you will start to turn about. Hang in there!

greengirl on 12/06/2007:
Good luck with tomorrow and the rest of the weekend HoP. You can do it, girl !!!

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Dec 04, 2007

Weight: 120.0

from my calculations, I ate around 2050 cal. I had a pretty large dinner, around 900 calories.

exercise: one hour. tomorrow I want to go to go to yoga practice.

today, i did some volunteer work after work for 2 hours. it went pretty well, as good as volunteering can be, anyway! :)

total exercise: 5 hrs, 15 min. :) that's ok.

i was definitely bingy today. but, really, calories weren't bad - and i cannot think that they were!

at the current moment, i am angry. there is this friend i have living in another state who doesn't realize his actions and how they make me personally feel. I can't really say too much more, except that he's great at being the controlling one in a relationship. i actually just mean a relationship as friends. and i personally don't care for people like that, who are rude and lack any understanding...and he may just loose me as a friend.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/04/2007:
Sometimes people reach out on the internet because they have exhausted all the friends they could make in their daily lives. Good for you for not letting him control you. Life is too short to have drama and frustration from someone who you don't even see. =) Have a great night!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Dec 03, 2007

Weight: 120.0

the dinner date went well...although he is on the thin side...but what's wrong with that right? that's motivation on my part! lol.

calories are pretty good. when i got home, i did have some celery sticks and an apple even though i really wasn't hungry, just antsy.

calories: 1375 approximately.

exercise: AM = 35 min. now, i plan on another short 35 min. i'm a bit tired...

total exercise: 1 hr.

total Dec = 4 hrs, 15 min :)

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/04/2007:
Looks like you had a great day! So...I take it you aren't attracted to the thinner guys? I've always been partial to the stockier guys. Probably a good thing that Brian is stockier LOL

mcwoo40 on 12/04/2007:
Hiya,you will have to fatten him up!!What was his personality like,if he can make you laugh that's great stuff,hope you are seeing him again.You are doing well with your exercise,you seem to your 'old self 'again,bye Julie

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Dec 02, 2007

Weight: 120.0

hey everyone...my date was cancelled due to the snow this morning! but, the plan is to meet up tomorrow at 6:30pm. He really does sound like a nice guy and it would be pretty cool if we ended up being interested in each other. we shall see.

exercise was ok. 1hr 15 min cardio. I didn't go to yoga today, although I could have, because my body is sore from yesterday. I am not going to work through soreness. Instead, I'll give my body the proper rest it needs and then go back to yoga. What I have is an unlimited pass for a whole year...unlimited yoga! If I wanted to, I could go to like 5 classes a day haha! Just kidding, nobody does more than two. And the majority does only one. Most people do not go everyday and its worth it even if I only go between 8 and 10 times per month - in comparison to the other types of passes I could have bought. So there you have it.

i didn't exercise this morning - i should have because it's so easy to get more exercise in that way. It really adds up with anything else I choose to do later in the day. Tomorrow really is December! haha. So, since I've been doing a half hour AM workouts on the treadmill for the past week, maybe I should increase to 35 min? yeah, that's what I'm going to do even though the sound of it makes me anxious for some reason. I love having the morning workout, but I don't want to be rushed to get ready or wake up too early. It would be pretty cool to work up to going an hour on the treadmill in the morning!

exercise total for December: 3 hrs, 15 min...already looking good!

calories were not bad. I thought i was going to have a miserable day but finally got out of the house...and that saved me. Calories are about 1575. yay, i stayed in the 1500s.

I really want to loose some weight and show off some more toning - the only way is too loose some fat. The pictures he's (the person i'm going on a date with) seen of me are when i weighed about 10 lbs less...eesh. But, two are recent, from August! lol. The only one really recent, as in Thanksgiving, picture that I have is a bad one so I'm not showing it to anyone. lol.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 12/02/2007:
Ohh yeah it has been really nasty here today with the snow/ice/rain and fog. Slippery streets and lots of wrecks. A good day to stay inside! And I don't think most men can tell a ten pound difference, unless we go and buy new breasts LOL.

harleygirl79 on 12/03/2007:
You can do it and look smokin hot for your date. Have a great time~

Teriyaki on 12/03/2007:
Good job on the cardio. Glad you're enjoying the yoga

jmarie60 on 12/03/2007:
Don't let the snow prevent you from working out. I know the weather makes me sluggish sometimes! I hope your date goes well!!!

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Dec 01, 2007

Weight: 120.0


Sunday AM edit:

date cancelled due to the snow...we're going to meet up tomorrow after work. i just had a VERY large lunch by normal standards. haha. and, i want an apple but i am full. eh, i'll have it anyway. today is NOT going to be a 1500 calorie day because i've already had about 1150 cal. I'm planning for 1750.

my mouth is like a saltshaker! yuck! i had two veggie burgers before and they are so tasty...but so salty. i wish they had half as much salt!


late night edit:

total cal, to be safe, i'll say 1550. hopefully not more! :)

American Gangster was a good movie and dinner was ok too.

hopefully the date will go well tomorrow.

total exercise: i'll say 2 hours.


well, i just paid A LOT of money (125 per month = 1500 dollars!) for a year membership to yoga. yup. that being said, my exercise totals will probably dramatically increase next month!

today's exercise so far: 30 min cardio and 1.5 hours yoga. 2 hours so far. i will count all the yoga minutes even though some of it includes postures when we are just lying down.

going out to dinner with friends tonight and a movie...i'm nervous about tomorrow and it's supposed to snow! lol. we may have to cancel, probably not. i'm not excited to go out to eat tonight because i don't even know the menu, it's not online...my calories are good so far, 950.


Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

starfish on 12/01/2007:
Hi! Congrats on the yoga membership :) and good job on those calories so far!

workingit2 on 12/01/2007:
Cool on the yoga membership! I hope you had a great evening and that you have a lot of fun on your date tomorrow!

mylifechanges on 12/02/2007:
great job HoPs! I'm proud of you! And yoga sounds like a blast- and gives you something to stick to for sure. Accountability is always good. Let us know how the date goes! :)

Teriyaki on 12/02/2007:
Glad you're treating yourself to something enjoyable and good for you

meagain on 12/02/2007:
Hi there young lady! I think you have ALL of us looking forward to this date ... you should envision a little "cyber window" when you guys finally get together as all of you DD family is surely peeking in!!!

Congratulations on how conscious you are of what you eat and your exercise ... you're whittling away an ounce at a time ... soon you'll be there!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Nov 30, 2007

Weight: 120.0

oh my! I could have had as little as 1300 cal today without a problem. however, even though i was not starving by any means, i gorged when i got home today. after my dinner, I had FIVE english muffins, one with peanut butter and 3 servings of crackers!

total cal = 2140.

is that total terrible? no. i shouldn't even be upset! so, i'm not. as long as my totals are not astromonically high, they should be easily offset by even one lower calorie day.

exercise was pretty good. 1 hr, 10 min. total for November: 32 hrs, 15 min.

my comment on November exercise: at least it totals up to an avg of 1 hr per day! :) my goals: continue with my successful early morning walking!...

i still have my date on Sunday which I am looking foward to even though there's a 5 year age difference and it seems we may be pretty different! It still intrigues me...

today was good. first day of volunteering went VERY well! :)


Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

mylifechanges on 12/01/2007:
Hi HoPy! I always feel like calling you that whenever I write to you- I thought I'd actually do it today! :) Haha. Thank you for your comment on my post. I think that you're doing great! I can't even imagine being 10 pounds from goal! Think of how exciting that is!!

Please definitely keep us posted on your date! I don't think a five year age difference is all that big. I'm actually interested in someone who is five years older than myself right now too! Haha. I've always been attracted to older men though. Maturity seems to be more level....keep us posted on how thing go on Sunday!

shadetree on 12/01/2007:
Glad the volunteering went well! I know you've been very excited about it.

five year difference is nothing when it comes to men...(Or is he younger??? But even then, while it may not be a long-term thing, it can be fun...when I was in college I went out with a guy for quite some time that, as I stop to think about it now, was five years younger, and we had THE MOST fun! Up until then I had always dated older - a lot older...Even now, my husband is almost 20 years older than me...but he acts like he's younger than me...I am always wishing he would grow up!:) So I guess I'm just saying that age is just a number, so don't put much into it. Have fun - that's all that matters!

Donkey on 12/01/2007:
Calories today and yesterday are not so bad. Actually, ok for maintaining. I guess what bothers me more is that the eating seems uncontrolled. If you had just had a big dessert or a large lunch, that's one thing. But to engage in an eating frenzy right after dinner seems a little... disordered.

I am SO GLAD that volunteering went well for you!!! That is a really good sign that your change in career direction is the right one for you.

Good luck on the date! Older or younger doesn't matter. What's important is what's inside. Really, now it might matter, but as you get older, it doesn't. We all end up old in the end.

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Nov 29, 2007

Weight: 120.0

cruddy: you would think i would really be watching calories, especially because i want to look my best on Sunday when i go on the date!

but, no. I had 2200 calories. Thank god i stopped there!

The last bit of calories was just before 5pm, a binge of 1300 cal.

Perhaps if I actually go to the gym and exercise I can actually burn that many. Probably not.

exercise: I want it to be at least 1.5 hours...update to come...

31 hrs, 5 min.

Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

greengirl on 11/29/2007:
Ooooh!!! A date! Must tell us more :o) Enjoy your exercise :)

fritters on 11/29/2007:
I don't think that you can affect your appearance much on Thursday for a Sunday date!! I am sure you will look fine even if you over ate a bit. I think I need to talk my husband in to a date. After 34 years of marriage the romance is going!! I hope you have a really good time.

Teriyaki on 11/29/2007:
Average between yesterday and today is 1860, which is perfectly normal for maintaining...Keep up the good work!

starfish on 11/29/2007:
don't beat yourself up. you are only 10 pounds from your goal weight. That is wonderful :)

borntocry on 11/30/2007:
Hi HoP!

If your date's on Sunday it's probably better for you to eat a little more now, so that it's easier for you to eat less on Saturday. That should get you looking your best on Sunday. At least that's how it always works for me!

Thanks for the comment you left me. You remembered that my brother hardly eats anything! Unfortunately I think he seems to have some sort of eating disorder, like me. Sometimes he seems practically anorexic, at other times he seems to be on an eating spree which can last for days or weeks. Sound familiar?! At the moment he seems to be in more of the eating spree mode, which doesn't bode well for me, haha! But I'm only going to be there for one day. How much damage can I do in 24 hours?!

And thanks for your advice - I think I will buy some more nuts online. The 200 packets of almonds were a special deal which I don't think I'll find again, but I did find an online store which sells boxes of nuts in serving-sized packets, and they were really nice when I wrote to them a while back, so I think it's time to contact them again! Although I kind of have this vague plan to finish off all the other food lying around at home first. I seem to have accumulated a lot of stuff which I guess I don't like so much and haven't been eating, and I don't want it all to go to waste. (Does this sound really crazy? If it does, just tell me - I need to know!)

workingit2 on 11/30/2007:
Do you know, last night on my way home from work....I was soooooooooo tempted to chuck my diet and go to Burger King. The reason was that I had a very stressful day, it was very cold outside, I was in pain and my throat hurt. I had to mash on the gas to drive past the BK and get home. I thought that the chocolate I had over lunch had blown my calories for the day...but it turns out that I had calculated things wrong and I was actually sitting at my goal for the day. Had I eaten that whopper, I would have ruined an otherwise good day for my health!

Oh, remember when you did your juice fast? I was reading in prevention magazine where the doctor said it was actually a good idea to fast once in a while to give the pancreas and other organs a break. So, I may do a one-day fast this weekend. Probably Sunday. But I thought about you when I read the article.

I do appreciate how you open up about your day and I totally cannot wait to read about your date!

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