I'm going to need a LOT of will, desire, motivation and any other qualities that will help me get through today!!!
edit: 6:38 am: i know i am not hungry anymore. i am going to have some liquids now. I am going to work on not totally destroying the rest of today. I have to understand that this is my life and I have the power to end this food struggle.
edit: its 6:15am...and i cannot sleep!! It's been really rough all week! I had a large pb sandwich...around 500 calories. and i also had a LARGE piece of jelly nut cake...500 calories. I got full before finishing the sandwich, but i ate it all anyway. and now i had fried rice and white rice, leftovers. total so far: 2000 calories. I want more food and I don't want more food...all at the same time.
Sunday morning update: after overeating @ dinner yesterday, even though i don't regret any of it, i feel like restricting today!!! But, i'm not going to. I was thinking of just have vegetables all day. But, the thought of that makes me get edgy and shakey and want to binge! so, i guess eating veggies is not the way to go. We'll see. However, I do plan on just breakfast, lots of water, lunch, and dinner. I didn't want to have a pb sandwich for breakfast, like i do on the weekdays. We'll see...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Saturday night update:
happy report: the guy i've been talking to online has been staying in touch with me. LOL, he was drinking last night and left me some messages on my phone...haha. anyways, i'll keep you all updated. we are living in two separate states right now...
today was a pretty easy fast. i mostly sat around after temple this morning. but, i did go on a 2.5 mile walk: 50 minutes.
I overate at dinner...but, actually, most of the overeating was done at dessert. so, calories are 3500. If i didn't factor in dessert, calories would have been 1500! big difference, huh!? but, i tell you, it was worth it. I am happy with myself at this point in my life...i am getting into the exercising, walking is getting easier. Tomorrow i plan on 6 miles...maybe 7. If I do walk 7 miles, i will do two workouts. One being 4 miles, the other being 3. We'll see. Sometimes, i tell myself i want to get back into yoga. I was thinking about going tomorrow, but i'm going to wait it out.
Goodnight all.
Total exercise in sept: 23 hrs, 10 min
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
saturday afternoon edit. the fast is going pretty well. i did have some water/flavored water. I'm not in the mood to move around or even do cleaning. i'll just relax...possibly read and possibly nap! lately i've been NOT getting along with my sister. actually we haven't gotten along well in years...but lately it's been extra bad. I don't like her attitude that everything's coming to her on a silver platter. actually, i despise her outlook on life alltogether. i should prob not let it get to me or take it so personally. but i do. and i hate that she can actually get my parents involved and have them start blaming me for things. she's 22 and i'm 25..both of us living at home. she is always starting problems between me and my parents...and is pisses me off to no extent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arg.
==========================================================
today was a good day.
exercise: 6 miles. difficult, but glad i did it! = 2 hours.
total sept: 22 hrs, 20 min.
breakfast: pb on bread
lunch: skipped...seriously couldn't go...was held up.
snacks after work: pear slices, protein shake, apple.
dinner: taco bell chips and grilled stuffed burrito which i didn't finish.
everything was good. i'm happy. tomorrow i fast all day for a jewish holiday. Of course, the idea of fasting makes me nervous..but i know that i should and i will. we eat after sunset tomorrow evening.
goodnight all! :)
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I'm really tired right now...and its only 6:45pm.
I slept better last night...and got up only a half hour before my alarm clock. I was planning on exercising at the university gym by me...and I even drove there! However, I just couldn't bring myself to leave my car and go to the gym! Instead, i felt like I wouldn't have the energy unless I had another snack. I went to get a snack, but I still didn't feel right. So, I told myself I'd go to mcdonalds and have a small 4 pc mcnuggets. after that, i was STILL not wanting the gym. I drove to wendys (they're all very close, like way less than a mile apart!) and got a crispy chicken sandwich and fries with a diet coke. after that, i was satisfied...although i did eat all of it and that's something i'm trying to do less! :)
I almost decided to go somewhere for dessert and i'm proud of myself that i didn't.
even with all that "extra food," calories are pretty good. I'm probably not exercising and I've already taken a shower even though it's not even 7pm. I just want to read. Last night, i didn't get a chance to speak to the friend that i've been keeping in touch with because he was out. Hopefully we'll talk tonight. I wish he'd be interested in some kinda relationship...i'd be ecstatic. :)
foods today:
breakfast: pb on bread..and a kombucha drink when i got up.
lunch: mellon...does the trick.
snack: salad with corn...and an apple...and i think that's it.
dinner: soy crisps...chicken mcnuggets...crispy chicken sandwich...fries.
total calories: i'm pretty sure between 2000-2100. this makes me really happy, actually.
exercise: NONE. and seriously, that's ok! :)
goodnight all, thanks for being so good to me! :)
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
You must be the only person aside from me who needs a snack before exercise. I do that all the time. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm just using the snacks as an way to put off doing the actual exercise!
Thanks for your comments on my picture. That was very observant of you to notice that the girl next to me wasn't wearing the traditional outfit! She's a friend of my cousin's from London. I think that's why I look so happy in that picture, because I was in a more relaxed mood hanging out with a couple of my cousin's friends from London. They weren't as obsessed with appearance as the other girls there.
have a great day.
hello!
Today was a good day, despite being unable to sleep last night. however, i know it'll catch up...so i must go to bed on time tonight. Hopefully all though liquids I just drank...decaf coffee...will go through me before going to sleep this time around!
Thanks for all of your supportive comments! They mean a lot because they are encouraging!
Foods were interesting, to say the least!
4am: banana, kombucha
6am: ham sandwich on a hamburger bun...and then more ham! haha! deli ham.
8am: small pb sandwich. i make sure to use a nice, satisfying amount of pb so it creates a smooth, wholesome feeling going down! haha
2pm lunch: mellon
3:45 snack: salad with an entire corn from corn on the cob sliced up in it...followed by a chocolate protein shake.
7:10 dinner: from the supermarket: prepared seaweed salad, eel sushi rolls. coffee from DD. I finished the whole dinner. it was quite good! :) I may be getting sushi for a few days this week since it was sooo good!
exercise was good as well. However, i tried to run...but stopped because i was getting tired and my ankle started to bother me. I had to stop after walking 4 miles bc of my ankle!!! I thought i would do 6 today. Also, it was getting late...so i need to practice getting started even earlier!
exercise: 1 hr, 20 min
total sept: 20 hrs, 20 min! :)
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Wed. Morning update: I couldn't sleep since like 3:30am!!!!!! terrible! I was actually really hungry...around 4 I had a banana and some kombucha. Now, I'm just drinking tea....at 6:24 I had some turkey slices on a roll. Followed by some ham slices. It was really good - probably from boar's head brand...seasoned virginia ham. Now, I have to admit I am satisfied and not stuffed. I will pack PB on a roll...and eat it at the school if I am not hungry later this morning since I leave the house at 8. we'll see. I might to some stretching. I don't think i want to go walking in the morning. I'll save that for afternoons. Hopefully my lack of sleep wont lead me to make poor food choices. I believe I have all of that power in my hands right now!!!
Today I'm making a phone call to the hospital about a part time job...i need to be a little busier on the weekend :) But, i'm not going to be looking for any part time work during the week. School hours are enough for me, especially because I've been using my time exercising. This is a main goal for me this year. I want to change my body.
****************************************************
Tuesday evening entry:
exercise: a nice hr and 10 min
total sept exercise:19 hrs
today was a good day too. but, this is due in part to me being busy...but, i have faith in myself that when i am less busy, i'll be able to succeed as well!
breakfast pb and j on roll
lunch: melon. i have a late lunch and the fruit is good after that many hours.
snack: kombucha drink, peppers...
snack 2: more kombucha, peppers, tea
dinner: salad and bean salad. 2 slices mango :)
starting the morning off with a good mix of carbs, protein and fats makes it so that even though i do get a tad hungry before lunch, my blood sugars remain pretty stable compared to usual!
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
It sounds like you have things under control at the moment, though, so keep it up! And try to get some sleep!
overall good day:
i exercised a ton! yay. 1.5 hours walking.
total sept. exercise: 17 hrs, 50 min
well...it's a monday. and that usually means better eating.
breakfast: peanut butter on a hamburger roll. this was good for blood sugar levels and was an enjoyable breakfast. i also had a bit of melon.
lunch: melon
snack: some red pepper and then i drove to get a starbucks pumpkin latte - perfect before i exercised.
dinner: salad, wrap made out of tapioca wrap (its like what they use for making the cold summer rolls) with chicken inside and a few veggies.
calories were not measured for anything. i did finish almost everything. breakfast i finished, lunch i finished, starbucks i finished.
dinner - i left over a bit of salad and a bit of the wrap.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Everything you ate sounds good except that white hamburger roll. I've gotten to the point where I simply can't eat white bread of any kind. That's why I like Subway where you have a choice of several different whole grain rolls. Not that I go there regularly, but at least I know it's there.
Monday morning edit:
breakfast = nice amount of pb on a hamburger roll. not much fiber in the roll. I can say that i'm satisfied (then again, my stomach is still full from yesterday). just drinking tea...I don't want to reach for a yogurt now. i didn't go food shopping yesterday - so it would be my mom's yogurts and they are higher in calories. lol. am i counting again? i didn't measure the pb. i guess i'll have a lunch of tofu on salad, since i have it in the house. snack?? red pepper slices and fruit? sounds good...
=======================================================
sunday:
sept exercise: 16 hrs, 20 min. i did more exercise in the evening.
my dad is upset because i didn't finish the hamburger for dinner. it's ok that my sister didn't eat a lot. but, all because I didn't eat all of the hamburger he was pissed as could be. he said he knows how i can eat a ton of food at a time and that i must have had food beforehand in order to not have an appetite to eat. well, i did eat a lot, at 1pm. but, he was persisting that if i didn't eat it all, that's not normal because i always eat a lot. that made me a little angry. its ok with them if my sister its little food bc she never has a big appetite. but, why should i have to finish all my food just because i'm a "big eater?"
should i have just finished it? my stomach is messed up from before. i know i shouldn't have binged today. if i didn't binge, i would have probably had a bigger appetite...lol, or a stomach that wasn't already congested with tons of bulk of food from before.
=================================================
thursday = 7900, fri =5500 , saturday =4800 ,sunday =5000 .
overall excess calories for the past 4 days(i subtracted 2,000 from each day) = 15,200. this equals 4.4 pounds!!! supposedly, over the past 4 days, I have gained 4.4 pounds. that's a lot.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
today's total calories - about 5000
6pm edit:
park: 4 miles 1 hr, 20 min.
total calories before dinner: 4700
2600 before the park. i'm back from the park...and eating didn't get better. I left my house and immediately went to get a personal pan pizza from pizza hut (620 cal). after that, i stopped by dunkin donuts for a jelly donut (300)and some cookies and cream ice cream (600). then, i finally finished with two mcdonalds apple pies (550)...i was supposed to have one, but they give me two. !?
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I can see where your dad is coming from. BTDT. You eat so much when you binge, but then you won't finish food (i.e. you waste food) at the proper meal time. As a parent who pays for groceries, I can see why that would piss him off.
The issue isn't whether you should have finished the hamburger or not. The ISSUE is that you shouldn't be bingeing like this. This is just crazy, Horn. It is not a good thing.
alright, i'm done with this bad eating spurt. tomorrow's a good day. 3 days is long enough. I'm better than that! I am I am I am. I just finished a book I was reading, that occupies my time pretty well. I find it terribly difficult to occupy myself and NOT turn to food for comfort. That's been my issue lately...especially with time off from work because of the holiday.
total cals: around 4800
ok...and now i can add rice pudding.
added a yogurt and slice of marble cake to todays 4,000 calories for a total of 4500. nuttyness.
plan for tomorrow's exercise:
breakfast, bike to get newspapers
snack, read, walk
lunch, read or some other activity. walk
snack, read, walk
dinner, reading/cleaning/whatever else
ummm, tomorrow sounds a little boring. this proves i need a life...not that i don't like boring...but i've been very reclusive lately...hanging out with myself...that's what has enabled my binging. nowhere to be. driving around eating. i like the time. finally i have time, but i also finally have time for a relationship. but, i don't have a good job or any extra cash.
i want to eat healthier...i know later in this entry i mention eating everything, but honestly, i like how healthy food makes me feel. otherwise, i get really bad sugar crashes. arg. do i even know what i want? no psycholgist can help me. honestly, i'm going to have to figure it out. too bad if i go into this new field i'm going to be without money for two more years after this. not good.
I'm gonna try somewhat planning tomorrow's menu:
B = oatmeal w. yogurt
s = pear + yogurt
L = bread and tofu (need to use it up) and red pepper slices
s = red pepper slices, pear (lots of pears are in my house right now.)
D = salad, grilled veggies and something lean from the supermarket or something like that.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
today's calories = 4000
september exercise = 14 hrs, 15 min.
I think i want to buy roller blades...but that's probably a waste of money since i don't have extra cash!!!!!! I walked at the park; and then went to another park where I visited this olympic size pool and saw some divers and people scoring their dives. I want to learn how to swim better. Maybe i'll splurge and do that. Then again, i really don't have money to splurge. so, maybe if i get a part time job, i'll use that money for swimming. that's fair i think.
today was kinda similiar to the past two days. It started out well, with a protein shake...but definitely drifted QUICKLY in the wrong direction.
I had a huge peanut butter cookie after. A smoothie made with banana, blueberry, soymilk, and protein powder. Then, a taco bell chicken quesadilla...followed by a piece of zita with rigatoni alla voda sauce on a piece of pizza! holy...it's amazing i finished it...because twice i went to throw it in the bag...but, of course, leave it to me because i MUST finish things. well, oh well. basically, i've proven to myself that like to eat all types of foods...good and bad. and hopefully, with lots of exercise, ALL foods can be part of my diet. that's all.
after exercising, i had some kind of summer roll made with tapioca paper with avacado, veggies, shrimp, and imitation crab meat inside. It was pretty good. pretty healthy. then, i considered getting ice cream. hehe. I didn't. Maybe once i start giving myself treats, i'll start NOT craving them like crazy. Can that be? maybe. If I always know that nothings off limits, i can have what i want; and also eat healthy when i want. I'm gonna give it a go. A little scary though because I know that in order to look lean you have to eat right. If i have taco bell and mcdonalds all the time, I'm going to look like it. That's why I'm not sure what direction I want to go in right now!
calories for today are 4000.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Isn't it Geneen (whatever) Roth who advocates allowing yourself to have as much of whatever you want until it doesn't become a craving any more as a way to "cure" bingeing? Maybe that would work with you.
I don't know how you can stand going out to fast food though. Paying good money for binge food. That's like going out to a drug house to get a fix, to me. (You have to understand, I'm a cheapsake, so that's kind of where I'm coming from.)
Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you!
12 hrs and 15 min = total sept. exercise.
total cal: 5500?....i knew i forgot to add in the chinese...that i had after the donuts combination....so 5500!!!!!!!!!! the chinese was all fried! ha, i never get chinese...let alone fried chinese! some was not even tasty.
total exercise was better than i thought i would do! 2 hours.
4.5 miles walking 1 hr, 20 min. and 40 min on bike.
hahahaha!!!!!
today was surprisingly less calories...NOT much less...and better tasting food. kind of.
breakfast: too much challah bread with some peanut butter...and marble cake (huge slices). I like trying to get specific in listing the foods with you. 2000 cal.
snack: good = pear. 90 cal.
lunch: taco bell (and i was full not even by eating half...determined of course to finish it. the last bite wasn't even good.) 650 cal.
snack 3 hours later: one whole dunkin donuts blueberry muffin...AND a jelly donut! ha. what was i thinking! 800 cal.
then, half hour later, some java and oreo ice cream from baskin robbins. 450
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Sounds like you've pretty much thrown all restraint into the wind and you're enjoying foods that were otherwise forbidden. What a way to kick off the New Year.
Friday morning edit: I had a satisfying, a little too filling breakfast. I had one third of the whole challah bread with peanut butter on it. I also had a very big slice of marble bread (really like a dense cake). Tasted great. I just can't deny myself of anything right now. I also can't eat everything all at once, like i did yesterday. haha. For lunch, I'm going to get fast food; and not a salad. Probably taco bell. For snacks, i'm not sure... Dinner...not sure. I might pick up something from the health food store. I need to work on portions and stopping when satisfied. I guess you can't be perfect all the time!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
my stomach hurts so bad i want to go to the hospital...arg!
i can hardly drink water because my stomach is so full.
total calories for today: 7900!!! crazyyyyyyyy. and i will not starve or fast tomorrow.
edit: after eating everything in my house, i bought a large fries and chicken nuggets from mcdonalds and then stopped at taco bell for a fried apple empanada...something like an uncrustable but with pie crust fried and sugary appleness/caramel inside. My stomach is entirely protruded. my sugar levels must be going crazy inside my body!
I was SUPPOSED to have dinner with family...but i can't stomach that too! It's not possible...it'd be sickening. so, i will tell them i have a major stomachache. which is true.
i exercised only 20 minutes today. tomorrow's a brand new day...and this year i plan on have MANY more good days than bad!! many!
I'm going to attempt to add up all calories for today:
woke up and had concord grapes, then same whole wheat crackers. them, i went to the gym...and had a light yogurt and whole grain powerbar before going to temple for services (Jewish New Year). all of that = 630 cal.
Then, after temple, I was too hungry and binged on lunch...should of just had bagels with lox and cream cheese with the family...and not made my own stuff...because i had both and then more! haha.
salad with light dressing...good.
egg whites mixed with oatmeal...i put it in the same bowl and microwave...it turns into a muffin/soufflee. i put no sugar maple syrup on it.
then, i had these seasoned microwave veggies...which weren't very good...so i just ate the potatoes out of it.
then, i had 3 slices of bread...300 calories.
then a large everything bagel...330 cal?
then I had a very large piece of raisin challah bread...600?
milano cookies: 14 total= 980
dried fruit + nuts = about 3 cups = 2100
3 servings chips = 420
...that's all in one sitting...i want to go out and get pizza now. ahh. i'm going to.I never got the pizza...ha. instead i got a large fries, chicken nuggets, and an apple empanada which is a really, really, really good dessert from Taco Bell. I never had one till today and i was warm and delicious! mcdonalds and taco bell = 1300 calories.
Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
I was looking at a very small bag of mexican trail mix yesterday and was almost tempted til I read the total cals for the little bag. Those nuts and thingys really add up! I resisted the fast food places yesterday that I passed by coming back home.
I think most of eat like you did today from time to time...I think it does our bodies GOOD!!! Big Smile to you!
Wallyball is a form of volleyball played in a raquetball court where the ball can be hit off the walls! Lots of fun and is a great social sport!
[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 Next Page ]
You and me both, Horn. I hate Sundays. Let's pull each other through today, ok?
workingit2 on 09/23/2007:
The urge for me to just eat everything is very strong. And the way you are eating compulsively is exactly what I was doing for those few days. It is taking herculean effort to not do it, and even now, I still want to eat and eat and eat. I am thinking about going to a TOPS meeting near me to see if I can get some in-person support and accountability. For me, when I start thinking food will help solve my anxiety and problems or at least help me avoid them or pretend they don't exist, it is very hard for me to get back on track. And it is scary. Food as an addiction, must feel to me the way drinking feels to an alcoholic. Until I feel that pain in my stomach, I just can't stop eating. And when that feeling of overstuffed starts to go away, it is like something triggers in my mind that I HAVE to keep eating to aoid losing that feeling. For me, dealing with the real issues and trying to make sense of the things that bother me, is key. I know it is. But it is so difficult. Anyway, that is just me....that's why I binge. I am hoping I can get back on track and put this episode behind me for now, lose some more weight. But I know I'll have to deal with it again eventually much like alcoholics have to learn to be non-drinkers. One day at a time, right? *sigh* **hugs** take good care of yourself today!
Sandra aka Soul on 09/23/2007:
All of those qualities that you want (strong will, desire to do right, motivation) are in you, let them come out and play.
greengirl on 09/23/2007:
Be strong, HoP !!! You know you can do this, you just need to get your head around it. Will be thinking about you. Hope you have a good day :)