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Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday May 09, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

hollybelle, that was my exact plan....no binges = success.

well, success was halterred. i really don't know why this time. I mean, how much weight will i gain before i decide to eat normally? i really don't know what to do.

ah, well.

calories today: 3,460. dinner calories = 2160.

and, i did eat good meals throught the day. i did have a substantial breakfast. it's ALL in my head. that's why the binges occur.

my 41 day total really stinks. it is 2023.

what does that mean? it means that on average, i have been eating 2023 calories per day for the past 41 days...

let me see what that means: 3 lb gain due to the excess calories. i figure i really burn about 1780 per day, so all the extra adds up to a 3 lb gain.

what should i do? should i just deal with the gain. and not diet? i totally am at a loss...i have no idea what to do with myself right now.

i was debating even counting calories anymore.

i've gone so numb.


Donkey on 05/09/2007:
Personally, if this were ME, I would do whatever it took to STOP the binges. If I gain, fine. If I lose, fine. I am very uncomfortable with myself when I binge. It's not a good place to be. But this is ME.

BTW, you may have "gained" more or less than 3lb. Bingeing causes your body to retain water. If you're eating carbs or salty foods, you'll retain water. Lots of fiber foods will pass through you, undigested (the fiber passes). You may have also stoked your metabolism with more food, and therefore have an increased metabolism. So only the scale can really tell.

But really, I'd put that all aside and focus on healthy eating habits and being in control (versus feeling out of control with food). Then after a couple of months of feeling good about my relationship with food (which is pitiful to say in itself), then I might look to change it up a bit.

This is just my 2 cents. I'll still read your Diet Diary no matter what course of action you decide to take.

weightlossyoyo on 05/10/2007:
You WILL get back in the game and start doing good again!

hollybelle on 05/10/2007:
The road to moderation is a bumpy one sometimes. I had such an all or nothing personality (if you know what I mean) that I had such highs and lows in everything all my life that it DROVE me to work toward moderation in all aspects of my life. It has taken YEARS to get to where I am and it was all done a little at a time and I still have a long way to go in certain areas. It creeps back whenever I don't take care of myself emotionally. I find that whenever I focus too much on ANYTHING - that thing just takes over my life in a way that is not healthy. So I really have to watch my thinking about food and how I approach weight loss. I loved Donkey's comments about changing the focus to eating health and one's relationship wth food rather than counting calories. BUT, all that said, you are more aware of what works for you, what doesn't. It's important that what you are doing isn't stressing you out. Sometimes to find out why food is stressing me out I need to figure out what else is stressing me out, really, and ask if there is a correlation between the two. I try to identify my emotional triggers and then practice over-riding the impulse to over eat in response to them. I find that when I am stressed about my eating habits, what I really am is stressed about something else that I am not dealing with or something I don't yet know how to deal with and I use the food, putting myself into a situation where I overeat and get concerened about gaining weight, and use that worry as a diversion from what the "real" stressor is. This is all pretty human behavior - problem is - it doesn't work, of course. I don't know if you identify with this or not (or if anyone else does), but thought I'd throw it out there for thought.

greengirl on 05/10/2007:
HOP you are going through a really stressful time in your life and at times like these, something tends to give! This is just the way some people react to stress. The best thing you can do is make sure that you are eating healthy foods (even if you are binging on them) to limit the damage. I wish you well, take care of yourself :)

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 08, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

calories: 2070.

on the way home, i bought a mcdonald's hamburger and salad because i was starving after taking an exam...

when i got home, i directly went to make some food. i ate the teriaki tuna that comes in those sealed packages ... very good. but, i threw out the cauliflower which is seasoned with lots of salt. I actually didn't want it. Then, i had a splurge, but i will not call it a binge, of a powerbar, greek yogurt, and oatmeal with some stevia and cinnamon. these things put me over 2000. Lol, at first i was planning on eating in the 1700s. ehhh.

total for the day: 2070. could be much worse, i'm fine with it, actually!


maria777 on 05/08/2007:
When I have a '2000 day' I just tell myself at least it wasn't a '3000 day', which it EASILY could have been! When you're hungry, you're hungry!

babyred811 on 05/08/2007:
You did ok, take one day at a time. I try to do that, and it helps make the days go easier. Being a diabetic I know I have to keep sugar level even. So taking a day at a time is a good thing for me.

hollybelle on 05/09/2007:
Just catching up with you. Looks like you are holding your own. No binges = success. How is your job situation going these days?

Horn_of_plenty - Monday May 07, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

calories: 1975. I'm totally fine with that. I didn't "binge" today. Just ate foods I wanted, although I did eat past "full" many times. But, that's not one of my concerns right now.

No exercise though, I felt cold and sick when I got home today. I decided to take today off.

Hopefully I'll get a walk in tomorrow!

Goodnight....the PB sandwich didn't ruin my day after all, Donkey! yay.

Donkey on 05/07/2007:
YAY!!!! I think you did just fine today, in spite of eating past "full". I find that after having a couple of nights of bingeing, it gets hard to stop before or at "full". It will come with time.

And I'd much rather eat a little more at meals and snacks in a controlled way than to binge.

I hope you're not getting sick! Lot of stomach bug going around...

Horn_of_plenty - Monday May 07, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

Hey everyone.

Sunday ending up being a VERY relaxing, fun day. I definitely haven't said that in awhile! I'd rather not ruin the positive feeling i have going for me right now...

foods for sunday were great: calories 1720.

I can't sleep and it's 4:38am Monday morning!

I figure i'll do some studying for my test Tuesday.

I've already eaten 3 light yogurts...and then I made a Peanut Butter sandwich with extra PB. alright, moving along....

I'm also glad I did partake in some yoga yesterday!

Jmarie60 on 05/07/2007:
I'm glad toy got a chance to relax and have fun on Sunday. I hope you have a good day today!!!!!

Donkey on 05/07/2007:
I hate it when I can't fall asleep. My problem usually is that I wake up at some ungodly hour of the night like 2am and then I can't fall asleep until 20 minutes before the alarm clock goes off. Then my whole day is ruined.

Hope the peanut butter sandwich wasn't a sign of a bad day to come!

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday May 05, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

so today was overall a good day. I didn't have much planned and didn't eat a tremendously high amount of calories. In total, 1830 calories today. I thought i'd be able to remain in the 1700s, but it didn't work out that way. I did some slow walking early on followed by going to the gym nearby to run just one mile! after that, i went to use the restroom; and didn't follow up with any more exercise like i had planned. I was trying to do either two miles or one mile plus elliptical.

i came home to use the bathroom; and my sister comes in while i'm using it so i cannot continue to go take a shower....telling me she's gonna wash her face...i don't know why she always waits till i get home to get a move on! can't she remember to do anything when i'm not around!? arg.

goodnight, all.

borntocry on 05/06/2007:
I think you're off to a great start! Doing some exercise is better than not doing any at all. That's my big problem - if I manage to talk myself out of doing whatever it is I had planned, I normally don't end up doing any at all.

I see your sister is up to her usual shenanigans! Can't you lock the bathroom door to keep her out? Or blockade it or something?!

Donkey on 05/06/2007:
Oh, hey, why didn't you go back into the gym to finish exercising? Not feeling good?

Horn_of_plenty - Friday May 04, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

1620 cal

no exercise....studied and slept...

....I will survive....

....I will comment on your diaries later!.....

maria777 on 05/04/2007:
Hang in there! Thanks for your comment. You CAN do it!

Donkey on 05/05/2007:
I"m sorry things are so stressful. Do what you can to get through the stress; the diet will come later. I hope you are doing OK. Hugs to you!

GG on 05/05/2007:
haha, yes you will survive!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday May 03, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

...things are NOT getting better. stress is high. liquid fast was not completed even on the first day: dumb idea, really!

today: 3200 calories.


this is getting crazy!

borntocry on 05/03/2007:
Get a hold of yourself, girl! Do as smiley suggested and wear some tight clothes. She gave me that advice once in the past and it worked wonders for me. If you can't control yourself mentally, you need some physical restraint, and there's nothing like a tight pair of jeans to rein you in, quite literally!

I really do hope you feel less stressed soon, though. You poor thing!

maria777 on 05/03/2007:
Hang in there...you'll get back on track! I've been reading your older entries...I've went through days of food binges in the past...but you'll get back on track!

lafemme_loca on 05/03/2007:
Hang in there... You can so get back to self-control and calm your stress. I know that self-sabotage is so easy to do (I practice every week)... instead of eating when emotional, try walking or typing or calling someone. Take care of yourself and know that you have been such a motivator to me !!! And you can get back into control. Take care !

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday May 01, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

well, i've had enough and have harmed my body so much that i figure why not harm it some more...i'm attempting a liquid fast for the rest of the work week. only liquids, beginning with water.

smiley2 on 05/01/2007:
Hey, do you have a lot of emotional stress at the moment? I found that it caused my binges in the past. Its like a vicious cycle and can become a habit so easily. I think you should start by getting rid of all the foods in your house that can trigger you for a binge. And put on some clothes that are too tight for you and just imagine how bad all these binges are for you! Do you have pets? Sometimes focusing your attention on them also helps. Good luck, thinking of ya! Welna

borntocry on 05/01/2007:
Oh my goodness, HoP! Hope you mean you'll only be having liquids at work - not the whole week?! I have done this once myself, though, and I didn't drop dead so hopefully you'll be all right!

Donkey on 05/01/2007:
Please do be careful with the liquid fast. I can understand wanting to give your digestive system a rest, but a liquid diet can really wreck havoc with your metabolism, slowing it way down.

WorkingIt2 on 05/01/2007:
Good luck with the liquid diet..I know I couldn't handle it so more power to you! I know how it feels to be just DONE with something. It does get better! Keep the faith! I'll check back in a month!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Apr 30, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

I don't think i can continue on this way...ha, let alone sleep this way. i am sick to my stomach! i realize i've said this a thousand times on DD!

Edit: no exercise, did work instead. 5000 calories today whoa!

LOL, oh crap. well, i did in fact engage in binge behavior. around 5005 calories to be exact. i ate everything in my house. cookies, ravioli, bread with peanut butter, yogurt, chocolate chip cookies, chips, chocolate, etc.

hi guys. happy monday.

today calories will be high. i've been "bingy" all day, starting with a 700 calorie breakfast. I had a good snack in the morning after that, a vegetable and an egg. Lunch was supposed to be just tofu, tomato, and carrots (my usual.) but, i followed it with 12 sugar-free girl scout brownie cookies that were in the teacher's room at work. that's an extra 390 calories. next, i stopped after work for a high-calorie protein bar, followed by a yogurt parfait from mcdonalds, followed by a snickers marathon bar, followed by two pieces of matza (like a big large cracker). so far, 2230 calories. I still plan on dinner and will not starve myself at all...even though its already 4pm and i'll go to bed by like 9:30 to 10:30.

i'll try to exercise some, so i don't feel as bad. another update later!

Donkey on 04/30/2007:
Yes, you should still have a good dinner and not starve. Even if your calories are a bit higher today (and I'm not saying that they are, I'm just saying IF), you're not engaging in the bingeing behavior, and to me, that's worth the trade off.

noslot on 04/30/2007:
Look at it this way. At least you didn't go fast food hopping dropping $20 bucks on various value/combo meals. You should feel good that your binge was confined to what most people would consider health food.

weightlossyoyo on 04/30/2007:
I have had those days. It will pass!

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Apr 29, 2007
(calorie counting, all foods, LOTS of veggies)
Weight: 0.0

edit: i still have a terrible stomachache. I ate anyway,but now its worse i think. i am so bloated. calories: 1220.

calories will definitely be good today.

I had some jelly belly jelly beans, but sugar free. I should not have bought them because my stomach is now EXTREMELY bloated. I don't i've EVER felt this sort of feeling before. In the past, I've had reactions like a laxative effect when i've tried sugar free candy. this time, my stomach is actually totally protruded like someone blew it up like a balloon! it's kinda scary actually! I would like to have dinner, but my stomach actually really does hurt too much...feels majorly bloated and full!

I finally did some jogging and elliptical today! Exercise: 45 minutes!

have a good week everyone!

GG on 04/29/2007:
UH OH! That FAKE SUGAR does it to me ALL THE TIME! I can ONLY chew Orbit gum because since I CHEW SOOOO MUCH OF IT, my stomach is sort of ajusted to it, yet I DO HAVE horrible bloated occasions: especially AFTER DINNER. It is best to just drink a lot, even if it makes you even more bloated innitially. Once you keep going to the bathroom things will go down a bit. Try some soup for dinner, just something to drink with NO SALT...well then maybe soup is not such a good idea, unless you make it from scratch. Otherwise, eat some kelp noodles with tomato paste: I still eat kelp noodles but sadly, I only have one package left and I am leaving school in a week or so, so I cannot order more yet. I am trying to save this last package for when I really need em! haha. Good luck with your stomach! Drink some Camomile tea if it is not too hot....I am drinking tea right now and its about 80 degrees in my room so i Am sweating buckets! haha! I think I need some ice cold water: pronto!!!

weightlossyoyo on 04/29/2007:
I hope you feel better soon! Good work on the exercise!

maria777 on 04/29/2007:
Hope you feel better!

greengirl on 04/30/2007:
I hate that bloated feeling!!!Hope you feel better soon :)

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