Grazing on fruit later at night and in morning 2 bananas and also raspberries very 360
8am oatmeal and almond milk 180, small brownie 100, whipped cream 150 430. and a ton of seasoning from the mushroom packet my coworker gave me...amazing. and stevia.
9:30am snack: coconut choc bar 170
12:30 after 2 hr nap: egg and egg white 100, most of half avocado 100, pita 120. 320, blackberries 50, some caffeine and bite of chocolate
...Snacking afternoon rest of the pita 120.
At gym another banana and a bigger one 2 of them due to lots of issues to write about later or another time - unexpected visitor and did lots of sriving
1750 before dinner
2150
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Because of the short week, i'm skipping out on Laundry this weekend...and going to workout at the gym today for a long session instead...Laundry can seriously wait...or, i'll just do some of it later on but not bed sheets...either way. Looking to simplify things & actually make it to the gym for a workout there this weekend. Haven't been there in a LONG time...maybe Oct 21st was my last time...would be a good challenge to work out there today instead of at home.
QUICK RINSE AND OFF TO THE GYM GET THERE BEFORE 3:30 :)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Strawberries 200, spiced (added a special spice packet given to me by coworker and it's really nice) unsweetened almond milk and blended it with small amount stevia 50...250, small pumpkin brownie 130 sooo darn good!
small croissant 200, Bellini 200, 2 coffees 100, healthy egg whites omelette 200 800 tops....oh salad with dressing 150
snack free at butcher shop! Tastes of eggplant dip 50 and pulled pork quite a bit 150
Dinner bought at butcher shop: 3 marinated portabella mushrooms 300, brocc raab sauteed 200
dessert: small pumpkin brownie, greek yogurt 2%, stevia chai latte flavor 250
2300 :)
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it's a friend's bday brunch at 11:30 and around 20-30min drive....Brunch menu isn't great for health conscious ...but i did find something outstanding on the Lunch menu..
Regarding that powder to mix into a drink, above, i am not going to buy it...it's expensive and i am not going to start with it. tho, they would be so tasty in OATMEAL!...but it's a spice blend and very expensive. it's like powdered special mushrooms mixed with cocoa, and i'm not about to spend $30 and maybe $50 after taxes and shipping on it right now. i buy enough products as it is ;)
On my menu for the crockpot cooking today will be CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE. after brunch, i'll pick up the beef! I
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Brunch always screams "Eggs Benedict" with a side of hashbrowns to me. I'm sure there's a way to eat small portions of it and / or make it healthier, but I'd guess the way I like it would be 1500+ calories.
But making oatmeal of if I have "milk" and cookies or a protein bar or my brownies, the glass will be filled with 30 cal almond milk and sweetened with my liquid stevia and maybe added cinnamon. Even two cups of unsweetened almond milk is a combined 60 cal and half of a cup of milk !
I got lucky with the egg whites :) they weren't even greasy and had nice mushroom and spinach :)
Kombucha 50
bone broth awesome type of bar flavored peanut butter / choc chip really good, trying for the 1st time. 250, coffee 50.
Mid Morning: 1/2 avocado 160, wrap 90, egg 100. 350....didn't finish it. almonds 50
Lunch: will be buying it out...buffet and extra veggies. . looking towards a BIG VOLUME lunch. Turkey light and dark larger serving 200-250, roasted brussel sprouts, tomato and cucumber salad 550, coffee 50
almonds 50
dinner: dark meat turkey small amount 100?and veggies 150, 2 egg whites 50, cauliflower pizza crust has a little cheese in it and is VERY satisfying - i just microwavedit from the fridge and it was a little different concistancy from when i bakethem but still great! 300 600-650; seltzer with stevia ...later a pumpkin brownie 150
2200 :)
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After Work Plan: maybe walk home a little bit - yes did the full 3+ miles
if the snow has melted on the sidewalks a bit more.
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Tomorrow, i'm going to a brunch...after i'll come home get laundry done. hang around my apt, cook some things.
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Sunday's plan is a major weights workout at the gym, but thinking MAYBE to go Saturday night instead....and do laundry Sunday
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My sister is due to have a baby any day now but we aren't close. I didn't get the shot - i thnk for Whooping Cough - to be able to be around a baby.
In the past i have group phone texted / messaged her and my parents to stay in communicatoin and send photos - and she had said that the texts were too much and to stop...she pushes me away by being a retard!
My sister and I arent' friends on facebook and the reason we aren't friends on facebook is i'd post things and she'd tell my parents and make them upset at me. then, she didn't wish me a happy bday on there. i also invited her to celebrate my bday - a facebook invite, and she didn't reply either way yes or no to that facebook invite in September. And, she mentioned around this time that "facebook is not real life." therefore, i told her if this is her belief, i cannot be friends with her there! :) i'm actually happier now about it!
So, the ball is in her court when she wants to invite me to see the baby...but i will not push at all. i've got my own life, busy life. and she making me a far priority is now how i regard her. low priority.
i'm uninterested in goign out of my way to appeal to her to see the baby or visit...she needs to make the offer to me...totally out of trying to be in touch with my sister. my dad accepts this 100% with me.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Kombucha 50
Breakfast: pumpkin brownies 260, whipped cream 140. coffee 50.
snack: bar 230 (very healthy bar - EXTREMELY expensive called Gary Null - Coco Magic Bar - Flavor is Almond-Chocolate-Coconut and it's an extremely high quality bar and very nutrition with like 7g sugar, high fat, stevia) btw - this bar is EXTREMELY high priced but my spending is very relaxed when it comes to food and the ingredients are seriously outstanding if you read the label. and decaf hot green tea
Lunch: veggies in chicken soup and chips total 550-600
Snacks: couple clementines, later few almonds 100
choc and lg coffee 140, bang drink, no caffeine type
2 bananas while working out and loads of stevia drinks 250, blackberries 50
After workout: cauliflower italian pizza crust. 300-350
2250, and very healthy.
Bus and train delays this AM, will have to leave 15min late today, but that's it...as commute will be messy...snow. ...but that will NOT hinder my exercise :) i'll caffinate up! :) with a nice cup of coffee :)
Last night i got good sleep...tonight i'll exercise at home ;) once i get there! :) and after a coffee.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Kombucha but so minimal..not counting calories.
Healthy breakfast buffet I picked up bc running early and didn't have a good dinner: just YUM:
8:30am Egg whties huge portion scambled 150, sauteed broccoli 50, canadian bacon 100, roasted potatoes 150 (small amount).coffee 50 (from work): 500 cals only!
10am Snack: RXBar (not a major fan, but a good change of pace) 200
11am choc 70 really good from coworker
1pm lunch: chicken soup lots of chicken / veg 400, too many chips 200
almost 3pm fruit from coworker, a diff one! 100 :)
ok serious indulgence now.hummingbird cake. 450 cal? more? lots of icing, walnuts, it's rich.
5pm almonds 50.
around 7:45pm during errands still (small supermarket trip and to pick up a quick thing at the pharmacy) this cool natural bar and a sf drink 250
2200, good.
5day:
no workout tonight, bed early...not sure what to eat...i think laying light. protein bar / drink / bed.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Breakfast sounds delicious! Here's to a wonderful day!
it was the best breakfast in a long time!
Good job.
also, most of what i got was the eggwhites, around 1.5 cups of it..then a side of broccoli under a cup, two pieces candadian bacon (slices), and around 1/2 cup of potato roasted..! that's why! maybe just over a half cup of the potato...all egg whites...getting extra to feel full. LOL.
Can't believe there's a dessert I've never heard of. Googled it and it looks tasty. Some of the photos make it look kind of like a carrot cake, with pineapple / banana instead of carrot. Just another thing to add to my list once I make it to maintenance mode....
it was REAL good, but, so NOT WORTH the calories. and screwed me over for the rest of the day. i shoulnd't have taken a slice. grrrrr! lol...
this dessert, a larger piece too, really wasn't worth it. everything high cal...the cream filling / outer and the nuts galore...i guess it's good in small amounts, but it was new flavors and i couldn't stop halfway thru...kept eating till it was gone...grrr, see...
Kombucha 50, later coffee 50
Indian treat 340 from coworker from Bangladesh! very good! and tastes of my coconut brownie 60
after 10am snack: tbd 270 natural bar. balanced amount sugar, carbs, fats
Lunch: 230 chips, chicken breast 250, veggies 150 630,
3-4pm clem oranges 100
5pm salt and vinegar almonds 100
evening snacks small chocolate, fiber one bar, and a pumpkin brownie so good!
2000 total today :)
4day: 2225, better...
Walked around 2mi home :) then as i was walking a bus stopped seriously next to me, the door opened right beside me, and i got on for the rest of the way home! :) lol...
Stayed at work extra late till 7pm bc i wanted to finsih some extra work, as i was very distracted today :) I feel good about this.
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Regarding traveling w/ the friend and if i could trust her after what she said to me during our heated argument a couple years ago:
Ended up texting her and it turned into another heated argument over the phone yesterday afternoon where i reminded her what she said to me. She didn't recall saying everything that i told her because of course the words would have a greater affect on me, the receiver as they were about me. I forgave her, as she apologized saying it was because things were heated and that she didn't mean the words (that i'm a failure / failed teacher, embarass my dad every chance i get, amongst a few other things). I forgave her, she admitted she said them only because things were heated, that she hadn't actually meant them or believed it to actually be the case with me. she said she hoped i didn't actually take her words to heart (of course i did) and she hoped i don't believe those words today (they still ring in my ear - especially when facebook reminded me thru one of the memory posts...).
i forgave her, explained how i do not know if what she says is truthful or not because she had said these things to me...that it's like being two-faced...i YELLED so loud thru the phone, making sure i could explain as well as possible what's going thru my head now.
she started to compare her friendship with me to mine with Ricky.....and i stopped that right away. i said, do not change the subject!...i explained there's no reason to bring him up - for MYSELF even to have or want to think about him...that she was practically giving me a headache. i said i wasn't eager to even discuss him. and so the topic eventually turned back to me and her....and the main important point....she did try to tell me how bad ricky is for me...but in the end, it's my decision if i'll ever speak with him again (i haven't yet)..
..but i told her to stay on the topic which is my friendship with her, not a comparison to Ricky...i said to her, do you really want me to start to have to compare you with Ricky? i said, you know he has some issues and problems...and i asked her, do you want me to start to think about you that way? i questioned her why she'd find it necessary to start to compare herself with other friends and how they treat me....i explained the situation was about me and her...she didn't yell once over the phone...only me....because i needed to get my points across.
there's a lot more we discussed.
early on she said i have changed....YES, I HAVE CHANGED!
my life has been so different these past almost 8 years in this field of work. Far away from my original line of work as a band teacher. too much has changed for me to remain the same in the least.
and my time is more precious than ever.
she did complain about mostly texting and not talking on the phone...and this is something i think that'll have to change a little in the friendship unfortunately the reason is my lack of time outside work especially during the week. i just cannot devote myself to the phone calls as much as i did...i'll have to explain this to her at another point, because we didn't talk too much about that.
because of all the changes to my life especially the changes in my free time (the amount of it) outside work, i have to prioritize differently...a game per se - a game of give and take...or of priorities.
the only reason i have the home gym is that i don't even have the time anymore to want to or think to drive to the gym during the work week...it's just too much after a public transportation commute. it would cramp on the hours i'd like to be ASLEEP.
so many things have changed. i had to make changes to keep some things the same...like have a home gym if i want to keep exercising.
it's been a lot of change. i've had to change as my entire experiences have changed.
and this has affected my friendships and time managment.
and in turn, i cannot be the original Jackie she had as a friend years ago....tho i enjoy being her friend.
there's a lot more to this.
the argument we had ended positively and we were on the phone over 2 hours which worked out because it was a slow day for me as well as her.
so the friendship is better now. after much talking and discussion.
but it's true that what i'm able to give to the friendship has changed over time due to my own experiences and life changes. i know she's changed too, but the way we have both changed differs greatly stil.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
when i make them in these nutritious ways, it also helps me a little bit to eat less...
i enjoy her friendship now, but not the way it was before. i enjoy it now but my experiences have changed me, how she mentioned that she thought i changed..
she apologized telling me she said it bc she was heated and did not mean it...
I've been avoiding nuts due to lack of portion control and higher calories if I eat too many, but love several of the Blue Diamond almond flavors. Salt & vinegar, smokehouse, wasabi and soy sauce are all delicious (and I don't even like the taste of plain almonds). Just checked their website and they have a flavor I'm never tried before = toasted coconut. Might have to give those a try when I get to goal.....
I also do not like plain almonds. I tried toasted coconut and do not like it - it was too sweet and not satisfying !
Just found it odd that they didn't say something like "buy a bag at your local grocery store", but rather that you should order a case of six 14 oz bags.
You're very forgiving; the world needs more people like you (especially in politics) :)
7am Tasty Breakfast: 2 smallish pumpkin choc chip brownies 260, with larger serving whipped cream 140, kombucha 50.
8:30am 2% greek yogurt, chai latte stevia, cinnamon 150
9:30 just bigger hunger lately, so i ate something satisfying: 2 pieces salami 50, egg and egg white 100, 1/4 avocado 80, wrap 100. 330.
...now def waiting till lunch time for the next eats...planning on a cheesy riced cauliflower by bird's eye in my freezer.
1:30pm lunch: salami 100 (because it's around and fast), 1/4 avocado 100, 2 corn cakes 150. 350.
2:30 snacking leading into workout 120 choc chip fiber 1 cookie and caffeine
4pm tasting the chicken soup 100, banana 100, strawberries after workout 50
caulifower crust 300 and more soup veggies 100, i think going to indulge in a brownie.150
2200...good!
3 day: 2300....EXCELLENT.
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I was totally again thinking to go to gym today....but decided, again - just like what happened Saturday, on a home workout. just set on staying home for the whole day :) There's simply no good reason to leave my apt...it's cold out & i'd much rather stay home & save time by skipping out on driving to gym....yes :) and that leads to more time to probably spend cleaning the tub / bathroom as i should! it's about time! ;)
Catching up on some cleaning today - Hamster cage, i swiffered the floors and vacuumed the rugs...i should clean the bathroom a bit, but, it might wait again...lol. laundry is put away. very organized for the week.
i will get in a weights workout tonight at home. laying off a lot of cardio this week, until ankle and legs feel close to 100%. i was very slightly sore in my thighs from the walk, it didn't bother my ankle at all.
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Happy Monday !!! I woke up around 7am because i went to bed before 8! i was so tired after the walk maybe i was feeling that way because it was also so cold out which potentially can wear you down?
Either way, Yeserday was sooo much fun! I'd never walked the bridge, and still didn't actually finish :( because our route went 2/3 over the bridge and turned around so anyone parking at the site would be routed directly back :) a good idea, i'd say :) If it was nicer weather, it'd be fun to walk all the way over the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and enjoy lunch at a restaurant there after and stay in Brooklyn. But, being that i was so tired and all, it was better how it worked out and that i'd be able to come home yesterday with time to do laundry and get organized so that today i can relax a little bit again and also cook Chicken Soup in the crockpot since i'm home in honor of Veteran's Day holiday off from work :)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
that's awesome you walked it...i hope to walk it someday too!
I recently bought myself 5% Fage Greek yogurt. O.M.G. -- SO GOOD and, more importantly, SO FILLING!
sorry you are at work!
2 small pumpkin brownies 230 total. Coffee 70. 300. peanut butter 100
Wrap 300 popcorn 100. 400 150 huge apple
sorta light lunch, but i doubt calories were accurate? entire beef hamburger from Shake Shack. 400 ? really!? that's it? 450-500 is more like it?
back at home, doing laundry and relaxing the rest of tonight with an early bedtime :) few strawberries 50, some raspberries 100 and some sf drinks.
...and relaxing the rest of today at home, glad i could take care of laundry now.
5:30 dinner: salami 100, napa cabbage and broth 100, tortilla chips and avocado 350. 550 total...dessert: pumpkin choc chip brownie, by far my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!! 150 cal only, small piece.
7pm and 1 more pumpkin choc chip brownie 100 smaller piece! sooooo darn good!!!!!!!!!
2350-2400 total...maybe a hair more but counting on sleep early, too tired to do much else today.
2day avg: 2350, fine...been pretty active.
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Chicken soup will have to wait until tomorrow....since i'm not sure i'll be up enough hours today to pack it away out of the crockpot lol. so tomorrow i'll cook it.
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have to be somewhere close, just under 10 min walking, at 7:45 today. meeting friend to go downtown near WTC area and brooklyn bridge for the "Kidney Walk" fundraiser for all Kidney Diseases.
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24 pumpkin brownies, small size, 130 cal each. i had two of them at 2am lol...230 cals. too much caffeine in afternoon finally affected me, so i'm up a little at night, it's ok...still have two days left of this weekend :) the brownies are better at room temp...so, they'll be good this week for work breakfasts. they are less good straight outta the fridge bc using almond flour, they are a bit dry since the recipe called for whole wheat flour, not almond. i still like them...def cannot share since i was eating out of the pumpkin puree all week and it's the same puree in these brownies lol.
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NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT. IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.
HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....
RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.
SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.
SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER.
AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!
THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...
LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH.
ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP.
I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN.
TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..
LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Good to see your will-power and self-control. If I had 24 freshly baked brownies in the house right now, I'd fall off the wagon and be stuffed by bedtime. Only a handful of them would probably survive until the next morning, when they'd be eaten for breakfast......
these pumpkin brownies have sf choc chips in them...they are simply AMAZING.
i will make them again soon.
But I'm proud of you for at least trying again. You have a kind heart.
her words i'll never forget as they were beyond hurtful. and if my mind thinks it'll be ok to do any trip with her just, i'm reminded first to think of those words she yelled over the phone at me.
reason i had reached out last Spring to her is because i thought it'd be nice to go to beach with her a few times this summer and stuff...which it was.
but i have had plenty of reminders already this year, that i cannot rely on her for very much.
there are things she has helped me with, it's her crockpot i use bc she lent it to me (i've offered tho to give it back and by my own - seems she didn't like the crockpot which is why she lent it)...and other things she's helped and shown me...
but just the backstabbing and hurtful words..and her expectations that if i ask her to go on a trip (like i did), that she expects me now to plan it into a group thing (which requires a lot more responsibiliity at COMMUNICATION on my part with many people)...she just can't have such expectations anymore bc i will NOT fulfill them.
now, if i ask her to do something, and she says "maybe so and so wants to come to"...i'll tell HER TO ASK THEM.
I'm no intermediary. she can COMMUNICATE for hereslf.
i tried making mutliple diff plans on Saturday, trying to see availability in group form...she did not thank me for it...and i did it for her.
therefore, less expectations on my part of what i gotta do for her....because she is not thankful! :) she cannot just expect me to know her schedule (she got mad at me bc i asked her why she didn't respond all day saying to me, jackie, you know i have class.." - i didn't realize bc it was a long weekend - i didn't know she had class....
what i'm saying is, COMMUNICATE girl!
if she's so difficult to communicate with, i just will walk away slowly again. do less with her.
i don't have time for someone who thinks i should jsut memorize their schedule!
i don't know anyone's schedule but my own! like really!
everytime she tells me "maybe this person wants to come, or lets do it with the group"...she should be saying, i'll ask so and so...or let me help you out to make the plan with a group.
she's just assuming i take all responsibility. um, NO.
Coco Brownie made my myself - too many air bubbles at the top layer, bc of how i whipped the whole mix too much but still tasty! :) 200, oatmeal with milk and pumpkin (with chai latte stevia and cinnamon - amazing) 50. 270. kombucha. 70
10am Smores protein bar - decent ! 200
1130 plain greek yogurt, chai latte sweetener, sf jello 150
1:30 6" healthier subway Sandwich 400 followed by caffeine drink Bc gym around 3:30 :-)
More caffeine and fruit 250, another banana during workout 100
1650... decided to workout at home ..
2250 today. good.
NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT. IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.
HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....
RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.
SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.
SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER.
AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!
THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...
LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH.
ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP.
I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN.
TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..
LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT.
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Plans for later include bank (for copay $$) & dr appt (deciding to take the bus to appt bc parking is brutal),
gym (driving there) - not interested in a very chilly 30 min bike ride there and i do NOT need more cardio right now as my ankle has been a nousiance bc i have had to stand quite a lot on my commute and sometimes in place up to an hour, followed by more standing..so i'm good right now on cardio.
Quick grocery shopping - making chicken soup today using skinless chicken on the bone (i was debating and this is my final decision to remove the skin before cooking),
Tomorrow is a Kidney Disease fundraiser walk and laundry.
Monday i may give a music lesson (prob not bc it's not confirmed with coworker) and gym. (off for Vet's Day!)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
"Feels like 7F" here but that didn't stop me from running outside in my Crocs (no socks) to chase the squirrel out of my birdfeeder! I think that's enough cardio for today, don't you? ;)
Your walking fundraiser sounds fantastic! I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope it won't tax your ankle/legs too much... Are you worried about that?
yes, you are right in your guess. YES, i am nervous tomorrow bc i have such strong memories involving the leg pain. that i can never forget bc it was sooo painful.
and i struggle still with those memories and realizing it's always more important to listen to your body when it signals pain.
but, i'll be ok :)
thank you so very much for asking.
it will be a sunny day and perfect for this fundraiser and i'm very glad to go.
very windy here....crazy cold bc of the wind chill!
I will wear it tomorrow with my most comfortable walking shoes.
it is feeling slightly better. just aggrivated from loads of standing due to train and bus delays this week. and i had also done my own 3mi walks home...and really wanted rest the mornings after to sit, but ended up standing on public transport for over an hour a couple mornings...and one morning the commute in morning was two hours of mostly standing.
i look forward to the walk.
and yes, i mixed the brownies too much~
kombucha 60, coffee 50
Whipped cream 60, pumpkin 80, coconut keto brownie (made last night, recipe in earlier entry) 200
Snack: 260 healthier protein bar natural ingredients., so hungry - had a few almonds 50
Lunch: from home, napa cabbage cooked last night in microwave to add to my soup :) the leftover tofu, and CHIPS!... 300 in indulgent chips, tofu 200, veggies 100. 600...
snack: choc wafers 100, ALMONDS 50
1500...
2300
and overall very healthy day with a good mix of food !
Dinner: really have my eye on eating lots of veggies, maybe a takeout....but really sick of everything lately...lol, not many options for walk home for veggies, i'll have maybe greens with israeli cooked veggies...
EARLY TO BED, limited cardio since i've been standing extra long on my commutes lately on bus / train...and i have a big walk to do on Sunday, so trying to rest up my legs...
It's a fundraiser Kidney Walk (raising funds for Kidney Diseases - all types), being held and going over the Brookyln Bridge at the bottom area of Manhattan..
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Get some rest tonight!
Not that I want to live in a big city, but I do envy the number of food / restaurant choices and ethnic foods that you mention.
excellent food choices.
yes, i'm really lucky...i got all ethnicities by me, and, Queens, NY (my burough of NYC) is i think the most ethnic area in the UNITED STATES, possibly the world.
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I'm so excited for a short week!!!!
oh, me too!!!!! so happy about it.
bc my sister (tho not close with her) is pregnant and was due to give birth and hasn't yet i am thinking my family may not do anything at all for Thanksgiving. my parents will be involved but i'm staying out of some of it. she even told me i "don't need to be at the hospital" so i've decided to consider that to be "do not go to the hospital."
I am very thankful for the extra days off.
BearCountryGG on 11/18/2018:
Napping going on around here today too.
yes, naps were good...loving the extra sleep / change in my schedule for the weekend!
Donkey on 11/18/2018:
I agree with your assessment regarding your sister. Just let her be...
I'm starting to regret not gojng so I told my parents to keep me in loop
Donkey on 11/19/2018:
^^^ That's OK - and I do not think it hurts anyone to be kept in the loop at least.
yes :) thank you Jdonk...i'd hate her to remember how her sister failed to show up to the first baby's birth at the hospital...i'll decide a bit based on convenience of getting to the hospital, not sure which one, but it's in the city, uptown, i work midtown...so, should be easy if i'm in city for work to go after...if i get this kinda luck it'd be good...
graindart on 11/19/2018:
Was thinking I should keep my mouth shut on the subject, but decided to share my opinion anyway. If it was me, I'd get a card and go to the hospital to see the baby. (I'm not a "card" type person, but it's a memento that might end up in the baby's birth photo album.)
Even with ill feelings with your sister, birth of a new baby is a special event that will always be remembered. Reasoning for showing up / not showing up will be forgotten by everyone else, but whether or not someone shows up will be remembered by all.
Plus, it's a newborn baby! You get to hold a brand new baby, enjoy it's precious innocence, and then hand it back when it starts crying or needs something.
Again, just my opinion on what I'd do. Not trying to tell you what to do.
no, you are right...and i'm going to make the effort to go...hopefully i can leave work early (either tomorrow or the next day she would be having it, it seems)