Good Morning everyone!
i just did a kind deed, hope to write about it later :) ...OK update - i wrote an email to housing managment for a our apt porter (custodian). He's excellent and he wants an apartment here. There's many, MANY buildings and i hope he gets his wish. I wrote saying how thorough a job he does and how he is very serious and places such an importance on doing the best job he can for our residents. I wrote how I hope he can get his wish and get back a little of what he gives us - the opportunity to live amongst us or nearby in one of the other buildings!
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Lately, I'm just wanting some space & quiet and alone time. Sorry for not commenting much right now...my mind isn't into it here...sometimes we just need a break...not a full break like i don't want to be here no!, just i'll get back to it when my mind is more present. right now just finishing drying my bath mats and going to read...slow day today. so thankful for another slow day. peaceful day.
i do have to pick up a few items from the supermarket (bananas and seltzer). and i want to go to the park and have a nice 2-3 mi walk.
I will also pick up my Rx at the drug store, pick up waters at the same store, and possibly detergent as I have a couple left but usually stock up during sales. but this is it. not too much for the whole day. doable. always something to do..but not doing any extra :-)
By doing a few errands today, my work week will be much easier. And this is an important goal! The next couple weeks are 4-day weeks. Bc today i have off for observance of Christmas and next week Monday is off for observance of the New Year. This is so nice. Trying to de-stress and make these weeks easier. I am fortunate for them and it's nice to plan and do errands now - so i can relax during the week and not stress out - rather, stress so much less!!!!.
This winter, with how all the holidays are working out, as been really, really wonderful. With Mondays off and long weekends for these holidays...It should be really nice up until March. March will be a long month but i hope to have my one sick day left to use during that month so that I do in fact get at least one 3-day weekend then so that the month feels much more doable!
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7:30am nice breakfast: Flavored Oatmeal Pecan Cranberry 190, banana 120,yogurt 120, lil extra stevia also. was in the mood for a sweet breakfast. 430. great :)
10am snack: wrap with pb and my cooked cranberry preserves 300
Noon: light wrap 60 with cream cheese 100 and 3 pcs pepperoni 80: 240, popcorn 100.
Before 3mi walk! go me!!! doing good with this walking business!!!! i had a bar 150,natural, higher sugar variety.
Bigger dinner: a seaweed salad 100? - not a high sugar type, but oil was in there, leftover veggies in olive oil and some extra bean sprouts 300, potato 100, nuts and other veg 100. 600, excellent. then ice cream 250 - tried a new flavor of halo - Pistachio which is great. 850 total.
Total today is nice: 2070 total...decent. i know tomorrow's gonna be a "hungry day" after all this indulging the past 3 days!!!!!!!
3 day avg: 2090. is OK! for sure.
I had a nice 3 mi walk (i actually don't know the exact mileage, will try to find out, but it was around 45 minutes which is super duper!)
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Since I'm up early, I decided to wash my bath mats & a winter jacket that was really in need of smelling a bit fresher! :-) Ya see, living in my apartment building, it's good to take advantage of a free laundry room when I can !
I was going to wash my bed sheets (lately it seems i do them every couple weeks instead of every week) but i do wash pillow cases every week, but decided that the clean pillow cases are enough right now until next weekend when I will wash everything.
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
Happy Holidays to all my friends here on DD :-)
Again, I thank you for your comments regarding P and I will NEVER be offended. I respect your honest opinions and will get back to all of you...My mind isn't ready though to write back yet as I'm thinking about getting ready for the gym...!
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Breakfast: cooked Kabocha squash (similar to acorn) that i blended and then i added some cocoa powder to as well as stevia 100-150 cal?, with just cooked cranberrries (made with my stevia of course!) 30, and small plum 50 most, seltzer with stevia, some energy drink, and a protein muffin also 230 i think it was... TOTAL HERE: 460 - excellent...trying to get my body ready for the gym soon...leaving around 10:30am for it. gym is opened till 1 so i plan to be there 11am-1pm.
And a bar 150610 before gym.
After gym chips 260 and ice cream 280 550
1160
Did all laundry!
4pm snack cooked veggies light oil sauce 250 and a wrap 60 with cream cheese 80 an egg 70 and 2 PCS pepperoni 50: 510 oh and brussel sprouts 90 F 1760...so far was starving so the meat and fat helped
Total today is 2100, decent!
2-day avg is 2200, decent :-)
My workout was very intense! Very!!!
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Busy day yesterday with both a couple errands and then afternoon & evening with family for 1st night of Chanukah. We don't give gifts anymore bc everyone is an adult and gifts are more for the kids on this holiday.
We also had all our bdays throughout the fall, so, no reason to spend more money right now. In my family, the holidays are more for thankfulness and not big ellaborate gifts. As a child, I did get a gift each of the 8 nights of Chanukah.
I am back home and my gym is open till 1pm today...so i'll be going there shortly. It's my 1 workout for this holiday weekend until Tuesday. I'm glad it's open bc it made it so that i could continue to fit in 3 workouts this week and not skip 1! Wonderful...
When things settle, I plan on doing laundry today while most of the building celebrates Christmas (I only celebrate Chanukah) and make use of a pretty free laundry room?...instead of doing laundry on my day off tomorrow...seems like a plan. ...
Then, tomorrow, I will be pretty free. Go to park for sure, for another walk...and in general pick up food / waters and errands like those, maybe get new windshield wipers (don't want to, but would be good to get better ones to deal with winter storms & snow since mine are horrible and don't work great). and that's enough for tomorrow, without laundry.
And for tomorrow, if I want to be lazy and stay home all day except for a walk at the park, that'll be quite fine too! I am really enjoying quiet time at home this winter so far. Looking for a low key winter in general...
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Thank you all for your comments on my entry...at the moment it's still early and i am not able to comment back to you all just yet or to make any wise overall comment back. I do value your insights and opinions. slept around 11hrs. was very tired.
9:30am Breakfast: 400.
Chilli 250 and bar 150 at diff times 800 :-)
around 2200-2300. excellent. healthy.
I had a Chanukah dinner over with my parents.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Merry Christmas! I hope your Turkey comes out nice and moist!
12/23/16 - 1900 weekly avg - good, very close to goal of 1800's.
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Home: tons of ACV in seltzer with stevia. did the trick. woke up late again. :)
8:30-8:45am: Breakfast at work: banana 120, wrap 60 with cream cheese 80 and salami 120, coffee with butter! 50: 430 :-D (there wasn't any milk left but i saw butter in the fridge so i tried a bulletproof coffee)...look it up, it's a real thing :)
11am snack: natural vegan bar, moderate carbs/mod fat/mod protein. 190 (overall a decent bar bc it's natural).
total so far is great: 620 :-D
lunch might be just a wrap of a meatball marinated pesto steak! leftovers from party (in a light wrap) with some leftover cooked veggies from work party...around 550?-600
1200 tops...1400 before dinner.
dinner around 750.
2150. good.
weekly avg: hovering around 1900 - good. walked 3 miles :-)
...i have a lot to take home that i took from work (cooked veggies) leftover from the party that should last me the weekend till like Monday? nice. less food shopping & money spending - the amount of money these cooked veggies would have cost me would be approx $30-$40 based on the weight of them...so...i'd say it's worth bringing them home!
getting outta work at 2pm...off to park...will take work leftovers home...the veggies.
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Last night I was able to catch up on the phone with the man that everyone suggests I forget about. All my friends both here and in the world outside the internet. And they tell me simply bc they want the best for me. And I love how my friends are trying to make it so i do not hurt myself...
...but, i do keep on trying to communicate with P. He was my old physical therapist and 11yrs older than me. Last night we had the opportunity to chat for just about an hour and it was so nice. I do love him already, despite that we don't see each other often we do have a good connection. It's more than I usually have with anyone. He does understand me and never puts me down, EVER. He never tells me that I am too much or that I should stop being me or that anything i do isn't enough or right.
He supports me, despite his inability to communicate well.
He is holding back. A ton. but, despite it all, he listens to me and allows me to be the real me. I am not fake towards him, never lie, never trying to be someone I am not.
I am so lucky to share my life (everyday) with him. I do text him every single day. He doesn't always reply on Mon-Wed when his mind is really into his work (he is a workaholic). But, I know he is listening. I know he remembers what I tell him. I know he does want the best for me.
This man is who I want to be with.
He works so hard for his patients, for his looks (he puts the effort in 100%), he tries so hard to be "everything." I love him for this part of his personality. I love him for his looks and I love him for his support and that he has never told me to stop opening up. He's never, EVER, told me to stop or be quiet or that I told him too much.
When on the phone with him, although rarely, the man he comes accross to me as is confident. His voice is soothing. He is so warm on the phone and so welcoming to chat with. Last night was better than any time we have spoken ever. It felt the most natural. And it ended...well...in a sensual way to put it well for internet reasons. He is good to me. He makes me feel the best I can possibly feel. He makes me feel more mature and like the 34 yr old woman that I am. He's 45. I feel such a need for him in my life and I do hope that one day I will be able to say he is my real-life sweetheart and best friend. I love him.
We have been texting and talking, and only once met up (last memorial day weekend) and i visit him on occasion at work...for over 3 years.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
He's being nice to you, but he'll NEVER EVER "come around" and be with you and newsflash--after all this time and when/if he does come around to be the man YOU think he is, you probably won't want him.
He is married--gay or straight or bi. Probably has children. Or he's simply committed to someone else. Or he just loves himself a lot. If he's not married he is a player of sorts--but he kinda sucks at it--haha! He more than likely is just straight, married with kids and a mortgage and gobs and gobs of debt (would explain the working a lot) and a great life--or a sucky life. Probably sucky!
The thing is, you don't really know. Neither do I:-) You could probably find out pretty easily.
If on the off-chance he's really single, then he really is pathetic or he knows from your demeanor or what you've said that you're not the kind of woman he'd spend the rest of his life with.
For the most part men (not EVERY single man of course) want a woman who is a caregiver, a nurturer, perhaps someone to have their children. Someone to take care of them like their mother did or DIDN'T take care of them.
If none of this is true--he's intimidated because you take care of yourself. You're very close to your dad and have maybe communicated how he helped you get your job and apartment, as you've mentioned.
You've been really going through a lot of changes lately and time is ticking--34 is a good time to do what makes you happy.
And if none of that is true, he's grooming you to do something very bad for you--loan/give him money or something. Please excuse my cynicism:-)
Having phone sex or casual sex or whatnot isn't that great--is it? Doesn't matter who it's with--you deserve better and you're a straightforward person who has time to find a solid mate for life if that's what you want.
We talk ourselves (in our head or to ourselves out loud) into accepting pretty shabby and sometimes abusive behavior from others. You have to evolve to get to where I am on this guy. It won't happen overnight.
I'm just giving you a little food for thought. Only because I've BTDT--just don't keep doing it for so long that you get as cynical as I am at age 57--haha!
Take good care of yourself!
I wrote an entry more about why i am still thinking about Paul...if you are interested even if you do not support it, I appreciated your comments here.
I understand that you care deeply for this man, but something is not right. IDK, I just think, Why would you settle for this half-way relationship? :-( Don't sell yourself short. (((hugs)))
Home at 6:50-7am: VERY VERY strong apple cider vinegar (half cup at least) in seltzer and sweetened with stevia. NO CAL. followed by a banana bc it was soo strong, but worked how i wanted it to & very quickly bc i was running late. 120.
8:30am at work: Quest bar, microwaved, in Oatmeal flavor. 200 i think the package said. and coffee with equal and milk 50.
Snack: bar of which accidentally got chopped off so it's not a full bar in the package = perfect bc we are having an early lunch provided by my office today :) 130-150 tops.
12pm Lunch: wonderful. had a somewhat large roll 250? also and some pasta 100? and veggies were really good 200 salad 50 and other stuff 50. and champagne 50. 700, tops and prob less. would love to steal some veggies for tomorrow / weekend.
1200 after a really, really nice lunch. should have taken more meat though. just a few bites of sausage, which was EXCELLENT.
before gym next door: granola bar only i think and caffeine 150.
1350 after gym
after gym cookie i think, 360. and a couple small plums and tastes of ice cream 100 more.
total today: 1820 i'll say. GREAT. bed prob early when i get home. so tired.
1860 6-day avg.
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I am satisfied so far after a bar this morning at 10:30am. It was mostly natural, nut based. Therefore, I will not be starving for the office party. good stuff. gym is tonight, next door to work bc lately i just care about saving time, not adding an additional 45 min overall in driving to my night bc that's the addition when i go to the other gym after work.
Slept so much last night, over 8 hours and NO sleeping pill. Lately, i am able to sleep & sleep....I love it. :-) Especially on non-gym nights with less caffeine.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Early Morning @ Home: Apple Cider Vingar mixed into seltzer with stevia, this is working really great lately. (No Cal)
8:30am-8:45am at work: coffee with 2 equal and milk 50, wrap 60 with whiped pb 150 and some squash 30 with stevia, and some cooked cranberries also with stevia 60. And also banana 120 on way to work bc my stomach was rumbly not in good way so i wanted to try to calm things down if you know what i mean! All is fine now...Total here: 470. fine! and yes, i'm actually feeling satisfied for sure.
11am snack: natural vegan bar, not too high sugar. 9g i think it was. 190
prior to a healthy lunch i have planned oh yea...its good!
1pm Lunch: vendor lunch! surprise! shrimp a bit, around 200 tops, some of my own chips around 150 at least, some marinated mushrooms 50?, and some cooked peppers with beef but only took the peppers 100. total is around: 500-550, good!
total so far at work: 1200 excellent....and one white chocolate 50.
1250 :-)
overate dinner 850 at least.
total today: 2100. fine. 5-day avg: 1865
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Yesterday morning while I was still settling down and all at work, I found out the coolest fact! The current President of my company (it's a "multi, multi" like $500M in revenue in a year multi-million dollar company), well, he's a lawyer by trade, and when my past president was outed from his own company, our lawyer was chosen to be our new President. But that's not the cool fact at all. He's def a busy guy with high responsibility and pressure....and in some of his spare time, he's a...wait for it....VOLUNTEER FIREFIGHTER!
I give him the utmost respect. I think that's the coolest. I give him super respect for having both a high stress job and a really possibily very high stress volunteer hobby. What a man :-D What a guy! What a trooper. I give him the most respect. So awesome.
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Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Morning :)
4-day avg: 1805 = very good. This can be one of my best weeks in the past couple months if I continue to work hard like I have already done so far the past 4 days!
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At home - didn't need anything to drink at all even...bathroom twice already...all is good. had banana around 6:30am. 120.
8:30am work: bar 250 (vegan, all natural, balanced), coffee 50, and prob another banana to keep everything smooth and not rumbly in my stomach). 300. sugar in bar is less than 8g. good.
11:15am - Another very natural (and vegan i think also) bar. so far, besides equal in my coffee, i have had a very natural day. pretty healthy. 190. lil bit more sugar but still around 10g i think.
Lunch: pastrami 150? on wrap 50?, with mustard, some bean salad not much 100, and some brussel sprouts roasted 100?. total here around 400-450.
1050 after lunch, excellent.
before gym: banana & caffeine 120
after gym: first a banana on way home, then something at home (probably a new Halo Top Ice Cream flavor. Halo top ice cream...is sorta expensive at $5.99-$7.50 per pint depending what store i get it...but extremely low cal and still tastes GREAT, not good, but GREAT. it's not watery or lacking flavor like the REALLY low cal brands such as Artic Zero and Wink brands. Those suck!
After gym: ice cream, 1.5pints of the low cal stuff. New flavors and got really pulled into temptation! no worries. 500.
total today is fantastic: 1700. lunch with healthy with veggies and so were the bars earlier in the day, all natural with a balance and even some fat. Stomach didn't want much else. But, my stomach this Time of Month was so much better overall when i finally got it, today. and the flow is lighter but normal. This is good.! Turned out better than expected. I did take some anti inflammatories today which helped a TON.
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I found all new flavors of my favorite Halo Top last night - so must bring into work for my coworkers. :-) I promised a good friend a free one in the flavor i am sick of lol, and then I'm giving 8 of them to someone else at office. he's paying me - as he owes me already $15 from another day. So, he's giving me a check for $63 i think. that's good! Love checks bc i deposit them using my phone.
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Well, period just doesn't wanna fully show up but i can tell it's here. I def didn't need Kombucha this AM or any Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) in my seltzer. I almost didn't drink anything! Started the day off actually with a banana. Yeah. Anyways, period is pretty much basically here I would say? I hope?
I have the pain, that's for sure. Worse than usual this time around. Bad pain all along my right side mostly (lower back and right thigh mostly). It hurts, it's distracting from work, I took a pain releiver. Some months i don't get pain - but this was a very off cycle that was longer and resulted in worse acne and more pain now. Sorry everyone.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
There's around 17 total flavors. and they all are pretty good. Some are GREAT.
I cancelled my Mohegan Sun Casino / Bikini competition show / trip in April. It's one night and was going to cost me on my end $400 with the show tickets...and my friend it would cost $200. Well, it's not in my price range. I'll just stick with Miami in April / May. I canceled it bc the price, it's one night, just to watch a show & party is not something i need to do again...plus not feeling good the next day / days. Partying takes too much out of me....don't need it 2x in April....just Miami is certainly ENOUGH. I can party anytime here! At home! Which i certainly DO! when i want to...not pay $400 for it.
For Miami, I pay the flight but room is free with a female friend who lives there. I've known her 8 years. We stay in touch via facebook. Miami will prob come out around...i don't know...lol, i will pay for the flight around March.
Went on a trip with her once, so i know it'll be a good trip as I was ON A TRIP when i met her! It was a 10 day tour of Israel back when i was 26 turning 27. This time i see her I'll be 34 turning 35.
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Strong apple cider vinegar in seltzer with stevia so it worked LIKE A CHARM...still battling annoying bloat on & off (monthly thing is off by a few days still, but i'm not worried as it's been very timely usually...but i can tell everything's off bc i have very bad acne which is a reflection that things are off on the inside too...what can i do, at least in general i've been doing good). NO CALORIES.
You see, the acne is just annoying at 34yrs old...makes me uncomfortable. It's pretty flaired up, but i see it as going away on it's own & def not running to the dermatologist over it.
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8:30-8:45am - Work breakfast: didn't make it, don't even want to look at meat today...banana, bar, coffee with milk...it's a natural bar 250 cal, vegan, lower sugar under 8g. Banana Nut flavor. and banana maybe in a little bit? 120, oh and this coffee 50 at least. 420.
11am and a more artificial Atkins Brownie bar 170, for the protein & fats. but i am def losing my appetite completely...didn't even finish the bar....ugh..please let it be because its my TOM...pease happen lol already.
Lunch - around 500 - pastrami (small amount) on a white roll with spicy mustard and a small bean salad, very small.
Total today: not more than 1750, success.
3-day avg: 1840, excellent.
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Today i do have my typical 3-month appt with doctor (psych, yes) in order to refill anxiety medication. Been taking it just over a year and he plans to keep me on it until i reach my goal to be in NYPD...he wants me to get the help i may need right now so in the long term i can reach my goal.
Believe it or not, there's a pretty high percentage of people who have taken / do take meds for anxiety.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
i think it stems from eating too much sugar when i do....and hormones..and changes in sleep...eh. whatever :)
Good Morning :)
If there's a poor habit i need to break this year, it would be drinking too many energy drinks throughout the daytime. (lately it's 2).
I did get good sleep but somehow woke up a little tired? I think it was just cold in the room which makes me want to stay in bed haha. Another reason why it seems better for me to sleep with heat on!
Up a little early with alarm clock to visit grandma. Dad may stop by, we'll see.
I wasn't in mood to "not eat" again like I have the previous couple weekends when i have gone to see her. So, i had a few things around 7:30am this morning.
Breakfast: banana 120, Kashi Go Lean Plant based Granola bar with some protein (9g protein, 9g sugar, and 12% daily fat. decent). I bought the bar a few weeks ago knowing it looked good for a change of pace... and some seltzer with apple cider vinegar & stevia. 320.
Snacking 2 candies 40 Pre gym fueling: monster caffeine drink 30 and peanut butter chocolate chip Quaker bar 170 560....looking forward to eating some cooked veggies maybe Thai after this workout!
I'm still bloated and monthly thing is late it seems not here yet. any day now.
1600 today. 1880 2-day,excellent.
Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Big breakfast around 8:45am: banana 120, cooked cranberries 40, ghee 30, protein muffin in Cinnamon Apple flavor (i do prefer the chocolate / peanut butter flavors but it's part of the pack...) 220, a kosher brand of greek yogurt in dulce de leche flavor and it was gross 100 but i ate it, chips 160.
11am - 11:30 snacking: persimmon (small one) and a large plum 100 total. and indulged on a Cliff Bar i've been wanting to try - peanut butter filled (didn't meet my expectations). 230 cal more...
12pm lunch; Followed up by a healthy and more balanced lunch of 400 cal 1400.... (not looking for very low cals today, just moderate - 1900-2000).
3pm snack: 3 egg whites, some bits of yolk, my vitamin, omega 3, and other stuff...around 50 since they whites were a medium egg size lol....
4:30 - small amount ice cream 50
Dinner: bean sprouts 50, with that saag from my coworker used as sauce over them 200-250?, chicken jerky 80, and then yogurt / ice cream 250 - 650, decent.
total today: is fine. home all day. calorie avg will go down as this week goes by. 2150 calories today. I walked around 45 min-1hr outside, from around 5pm-6pm.
will go outside to walk just around my small neighborhood area, as the snow as been cleared and it's warmed up...but not driving until tomorrow. gym will be tomorrow. good to rest.
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Did all my laundry - done around noon :-D feels good to have it all done until next weekend! :)
Possibly Planning on possibly staying home all day until tomorrow. Or gym later tonight...It snowed around 2inches (not terrible at all) but my car is in my garage and i prefer to keep it that way...) If i get antsy, I'll walk in stairwell i think, just to burn calories. I really don't need to go out and enjoying my time at home lately!
I DO have a ton of veggies already cooked up from yesterday. Enough to last a few days or more. And then i have the Indian Saag (like a healthy creamed spinach dish) that he gave me at the end of this week...so i have a lot of healthy food to eat while home. Just probably taking a nice break from exercise today...YES. gym will be tomorrow).
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Def gained a hair of weight in my midsection and it's frustrating me....but...also still bloated! so weird. anyways, i am interested to see my weekly totals for the past few weeks so that i can see what's going on calorie-wise. Seems i need to eat in 1800's to maintain and closer to 1700's to lose.
So i'm taking a look back:
12/16/16 - 1890 avg - GOOD - met my goal.
12/9/16 - 1960 avg (a bit high)
12/2/16 - 2020 avg (too high)
11/25/16 - 2028 avg (too high)
11/18/16 - 2005 avg (too high)
11/11/16 - 1870 avg - GOOD
11/4/16 - 1780, GREAT
10/28/16 (when i was on trip) 2150 avg (too high!)
10/21/16 - 1900 - pretty good (also was on trip this week)
Ok. so it makes sense that i may have gained weight because since 11/18 (1 month) i have been eating high cal. Obviously eating a hair too much. will try to go back to eating 1800's and that should fix this.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
I struggled myself with second helpings and "comfort food". A lot of it is weather-related, I'm afraid -- at least it is for me.
Some is weather related, yes. even the fact that we spend more time indoors which is why it IS IMPORTANT to have healthy options around at all times...if they are available & convenient that's almost the full battle for me!
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enjoy your day off J.
Enjoyed it fully...hope to get back on here tomorrow or so...commenting. just need time away from doing the usual :)