My New Years Resolution: Get Into The NYPD for July...!
Even writing this resolution, makes my heart race and gets me nervous. No more putting this off. I will train my best & get myself in. It's all up to me, I had put it on hold, it's up to me to begin jogging again around April-May. I can do this :-D
It's not the normal process of waiting as i did that part already. I just had to get over my own physical injury, then reinstate the application. I had to fill out paperwork putting my process on hold back when I was interviewed by a cop (investigator really - it's part of the application process). I have only the physical fitness test left...then to go into the academy.
I was given up to 4years from when i put it on hold in Jan 2014 (giving me till Jan 2018). Now is the time to make my goal a reality!
_____________________________________________
Happy NYE to all! I slept in with help, yes, of a pill...and feel relaxed and pleased with that decision as I'll be out very late tonight. I'd say I got at leaset 10hrs sleep...feels so nice to do this!
10am bigger breakfast: banana 120, cooked cranberries 50, some squash 50, protein muffin in peanut butter flavor 230, chips 210: 660, good!
1pm Light ice cream in peanut butter flavor 240 900....
3pm small wrap with cream cheese and extra turkey pepperoni 300
1200 :-)
around 2200 i'd say total for NYE, success. <3 <3 had a little to drink 150 cal tops?, also water, tons of veggies 200? (tons) from veggies i brought to put on their veggie tray, some of Dan's awesome Italian Sausage and Peppers that he made specifically for me (400-500?)!!!!, and some Ritz crackers (100?) because WHO doesn't LOVE those crackers...and a chocolate (50). total - 1000. nice.
2200. MAJOR SUCCESS.
VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017. MAY THIS BE MY MOST SUCCESSFUL YEAR YET!
I spend NYE with a friend from work who has become a friend in general! ... and my other friends in NYC at their apt in the South Street Seaport area (very downtown near financial district / wall street) in NYC. Very fun & relaxed at their apt from around 6:30pm-12:30am. Lots of fun. Going home I accidentally didn't get off at my stop because i was distracted lol...by this couple sitting across from me bc the woman was so beautiful and i couldn't figure out why she was with this tiny guy next to her!? it didn't make sense....so i might have been watching them too closely, bc i didn't get off at my stop!!!! dumb!
LOL, but no worries, it was only 1 stop missed...so i took the track back one stop haha...i wasted around 20 minutes i'd say bc i missed my stop....home around 2:30am....funny really! Serves me right!
________________________________________________
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
____________________________________________________
Home: selzter with ACV and also another drink. good.
Breakfast at work: banana and coffee with extra milk 200.
Late breakfast: wrap with cream cheese and lox 200. (yes it's small and the cream cheese is whipped around 80 cal and easily spreadable so it works, wrap is only 60 cal and lox around only 50 cal)
total so far: 400 :-)
Lunch, maybe early like noon: healthy - potatoes 200, bok choy 100 most, veggie burger 150. total here is great: 450-550...very good.
total after lunch is the bomb: 850-950...:-) snacking 50.
dinner - very healthy - cooked veggies and some tofu...around 450 and raspberries 100. 550.
1550...i will prob have ice cream later tonight :-) yup, 300.
total today: 1850, successful week again!
7day avg:1898 = EXCELLENT! I LIKE 1800's!
We will get out early at 2pm most probably...then i will go to park - weather is windy / cloudy with possible flurries, but i will still walk at park, then home and relaxing!
Park ended up being PERFECT and sunny!!! I walked 3 laps with my coworker...going to find out the mileage by googling it...SO NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND TO WALK WITH!
____________________________________________________
So I am sooo glad I am a member of 2 gyms. On Christmas, my gym next to work was closed ( i don't prefer this gym anyways for weekends !) so I went to the fave gym closer to me but still it was only open 7-1pm!
And on New years Day, my fave gym is again only open 7-1 which stinks if i want to sleep in on New Years Day which of course I am!....
...but my gym near work is OPEN this time (not closed like on Christmas) (New Years Day SUNDAY!) & for normal hours until 6pm!!!! Now I reap the benefits of 2 gym memberships!!!! Really worked out this holiday season!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had to tell you this!
Both gyms are relatively cheap, so it makes no difference $...it's just convenience !
The really cheap gym by work is $99 for 6 months...and the more expensive gym near me is $320 for one year. so the total for one year to both gyms is still reasonable at $420...so i am only paying like 33% more for another whole gym with different hours I only need 6 months right now from the gym close to work as I might just be leaving my current job 6 months from now! I am training for the NYPD.
It worked out really, really well this season bc they had very different hours of operation on all the holidays - so i was able to plan where to go and not skip any workouts. amazing!
I wish i had a planet fitness / blink by me - those gyms are so cheap at $10-$15 per month. But they aren't close and there isn't good parking.
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
Both the gyms I go to are more for men which i love. I love the energy they have when working out & i feel really good workout out amongst the men!
That's so nice of your Aunt. When i was 20 & 21 I used to go to the really nice free gym at my college too :-D I miss it!
Hello! At work for the day...gym later :) Going to drive to the further gym not next to work, i am not in mood for Richie's gym today...and don't want to work out in a shirt (only sports bra) so i need to go the better gym in better area for that. Not the "men's gym."...! looking forward already to the gym after work. Lately i'm very tired and can sleep pretty well even after gym even if i wake up during night, i fall back to sleep relatively easily. :-D
_______________________________________________
Apple cider vinegar, strong mix, did the trick :) at home.
Breakfast so far: banana on way to work & a banana at work. 240They are going bad anyways and at the point where after tomorrow they'll need to be thrown out. I have two left - will buy more soon! 240 and coffee with extra milk 60.
Planning on not snacking a lot in morning and waiting to have my breakfast later to keep cals down. wrap with cream cheese and lox 250.
lunch might be high as 700, but healthy. did include some chips.
after work before gym bar and caffeine 150
1400 :-D
after gym: thinking smores ice cream. yup!
far gym tonight bc i am wanting the better equipment...
1720 total.
1906 6-day average!!!!!!! nice!!!!!!!!!!!!
_______________________________________________
I am finished discussing P as I have a headache about it lol...and i def gave him enough texts to read and think about. I am not angry at him or myself. I don't have time for that.
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
it's difficult though for me to manage more than just drinking it....
it is true its very acidic.
but so is coffee? i think you said you didn't drink coffee?
but the results of the ACV / kombucha type stuff is very good and gets things moving in the morning which i really like.
i would like a 2month vacation starting NOW!
edit: at 2pm he hasn't texted. i did text him and tell him i was upset about that...i called him and asked how he couldn't remember to do it - to make someone feel good during the day...whatever we shall see what he has to say. not impressed....though the day isn't done.........2pm is when he starts work.
i have a major headache of my own over my own work. it's making me want to vomit bc i am pretty darn confused over things i don't know how to do.!!!!
______________________________________________________
Home around 6:30am-7am: apple cider vinegar in seltzer and worked like a charm.
8:30am breakfast at work: coffee with milk 50, banana 120, later a wrap with cream cheese and lox 200 - 370....
11:15am: 230 Pumpkin NASTY protein bar (will not buy again).
700 maybe for lunch, sorta big i think...but healthy. aside from being a little bit salty.
clementine on way home - 50.
1350...def going to bed early tonight...just not in the best of moods today...not at all.
450 cal for dinner: mix of microwaved and then mashed squash with stevia and cinnamon, some raspberries, cooked cranberries, a yogurt light, and some light ice cream. lots of stuff for 450 cal!
1800 today. excellent.
5-day avg: 1944 - decent.
for dinner i'm thinking just to have dessert type dish. cooked squash, some cooked cranberries and some frozen yogurt. yup.
______________________________________________________
today i'm working on something that is too hard for me to do. It's frustrating, making me nauseous and i hate this job right now....I wish it came easier....this task is over my head. way over my head.
_______________________________________________________
More about P & I...and i why i am happy and content with what (no matter how little it seems to others) we share at the moment:
I asked him to text me each day these few days left till Friday. Today will be day #1 and I am hoping he follows thru. The reason i ask him to do these things is simple. If he does the minor things I ask of him to do, he is listening to me and understands that I desire him to show me that I am a priority when he does it first (of course better if without my asking...we shall get there one day!)...
other times i have asked him to text me FIRST - last Valentine's, my bday...he does do it...he should do it without my asking...but, since it's far from a typical relationship....things like this are not always as clear cut as it seems. Like, i wasn't his gf last valentines (as i am not his gf now), so he didn't need to wish it to me - but i told him i wanted him to. he did...
He struggles to open up. I don't want to ever live with him permanently as my apt is in a better location work / NYPD wise. It's cheap and in a good & safe area. It's very clean and no crime. I like my space too. I do not wish for a "typical" relationship or for him to date me in a typical manner.
I am NOT a typical woman. I do NOT want a typical man.
This is why I love Paul. No, i will not tell him that I LOVE him until the right time, in person, no matter what. It will never be texted or left on a voicemail or said over the phone in general.
Many here advise that I am not his priority and to move on - but for me, the word "priority" takes on a different meaning.
I like my own space and alone time. I do not want ot focus all of MY energy on the guy. I do not want, right now and maybe NEVER, any kids.
I do not want the same things that the average person wants. And this is why I want to date Paul. Because he's NOT average. He's NOT typical. He's smarter than avg. More independent than average. More focussed than average and more resourceful than average. He has huge qualities and traits in being a leader but without having to impart any force. He leads by example and at his workplace ( i have been there countless times) he shows his employees what he expects with his own actions.
This man is NOT a user. He is 45 and has established himself in his work but is not content with just settling. He is always looking for ways to increase his clientele and make new relationships and partnering with nearby health facilities. He DOES need the time and space to make this happen.
He does most of the paperwork for his facility on his own. He doesn't hire extra hands for accounting. he does it along with the other co-owner.
He is a physical therapist and has his patients but his responsibilities go beyond the office where i would see him. He has other duties. He partners with a nearby college and has offered to have a PT student study with him - observe and gain experience with P at his facility. P does more than average. He is more responsible than average.
He is different than average. Not a user. This is why i like him.
He does listen to me. All the crazy texts i send he reads. and he remembers everything that i say. he has never doubted me or told me things i say are irrational or that i should stop. If anything, once or twice he's told me to think higher of myself (but not usually this is rare for him to say that much).
he sometimes thinks negatively of himself...and that's when i tell him he's far from it...we both have some struggles to move past.
He struggles with communication and wants to. He is trying. That's why he answered the phone when i called him last Thursday night. But also Thursday evenings he in general has more time and is more relaxed as his work week usually ends on Thursdays. So i called at a good time :-D And he picked up! :) right away..
It was just my doing as his for the way our phone conversation changed over the course of the hour. We chatted about everything and anything. We both are passionate people. If i didn't want what progressed over the phone to happen (adult content), then I wouldn't have continued or i would have told him i wasn't comfortable. But i was very comfortable with the phone conversation, with him, with the whole scenario.
I had my own needs that night and every day and so far this "relationship" no matter how "surface and lacking substance" it comes across to others as, it is not lacking substance to me.
The manner of how I see Paul and the slow relationship progress we are making is what I am content with RIGHT NOW.
To be in the academy, NYPD, to be studying all summer, I will not have time for dating ... but i will have time for Paul.
I am happy with my life right now bc it suits me. It works for me. I don't want more, I don't want to see Paul more than i have.....there's nothing i feel i am missing.
Everything happens when it's supposed to happen.
And i do not feel used in the least. It's equal.
I can text him as often as I wish....and if he wishes to not always respond i do understand. He understands my need to be in contact, EVERYDAY, multiple times...and i understand his need to not be.
It is equal because we both respect each other's desires.
There's room for us to grow and learn how to share more. There's ALWAYS time for that.
I am not worries.
He is an owner of his own company and doens't need a thing financially from me. And I do NOT NEED his money.
This is only about the love for another person for who they are, not what they have.
____________________________________________________
I have asked him here and there if he is gay, he is said NO. He was never married, i've been to his "bachelor pad" condo...it's all male, trust me!...and no kids....he has had two girlfriends in the past. Long term i believe - haven't asked too much about it. One of his exes is now divorced.
He has a lot of money for himself. So he's not looking for any from me ( i do NOT have any to give him anyways!). He's always accepted my thoughtful gifts i have given him though i didn't visit him at work for Christmas or give him anything because he had asked that we keep whatever this is outside his office, so i decided to actually respect his wish this time around.
I have never went more than 2-3 months without visiting him at work besides now...as i'm trying to respect his own desires to keep this and work separate which is understandable at the moment.
He has made himself a nice life as a bachelor and has friends to do things with. He has mentioned that i'd like a "wife" as a joke...but meaning it.
i don't know what will happen inthe future, but i like what we share right now.
I am able to reach out to him, as much as i want to, he doens't ever complain or get upset with him. And i try to be the same with him - although YES I admit i am the one who pushes the relationship forward....which i am fine with doing :-D This is my nature in general with all relationships....so dating and stuff I like to be the one making the moves.
It may not be the standard way, but it's my standard. I like the feminine approach, when the woman takes the stand, when the woman makes the moves, when we choose what we want and who we want to be with. This is MY WAY.
Hopefully this entry casts a little light on what i'm dealing with (a good thing to deal with) with P.
everyone here - i'm not a typical / normal lady....i don't want what probably any of you want...so i think this is what i want - Paul.
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
U know life is not only for working and for job .. we live one time and we have to enjoy it with people who we loved , sisters , brothers , familiy and and a kind partner .
But it is seem u have planing in ur future ..and it is nice to make it real ..and eveeyone know what he want ..
I hope the best the best for u
I like what you say, your reminder to live life this one time and make time for loved ones. I do plan for this with him.
thank you for understanding how i am different, or at least accepting it.
Did he text you today like you asked? I'm just saying sometimes I get busy and forget to text when I'm supposed to. I have the UPS guy's number and supposed to text him if he is to come back in the afternoon. Sometimes I forget and he shows up and I'm like...oh, no I'm sorry we don't have anything. My bad!
Have a great day.
I wrote a more exciting entry yesterday (Monday!) ....
Late morning getting ready for work 6:45am ½ cup (and prob more like 3/4 cup) of ACV in seltzer (did nothing to help me at all since I ate a big meal sorta late at 4:30pm yesterday and no haven’t digested it yet...)
Breakfast: banana 120, coffee with almond milk and 2 splenda 30, wrap 60 with cream cheese 100 and lox 50. 360 :-D
11:15am - Atkins Bar 140; appetite today is supringly mostly suppressed! i am managing appetite really well today. nobody's bothering with me...low key and easy day...!!!!!!! slow day so far!
LIFE IS GREAT!
I am def wanting low cals today & gonna def do it!
12:15pm early lunch bc i couldn't last - potato 150-200 in a light cumin seasoned flavor, bean sprouts 50, and veggies 150, and spicy chicken jerky 200 - 600 tops.
before gym: bar and caffine 150.
after gym: really good - using stevia - kabocha squash 100, cooked cranberries 60, peanut butter 80, ice cream 90: 330...will have a hair more of something...and maybe a mouse yogurt? lil extra ice cream. 1600.
1650 :-D
4-day avg: 1980 4-day average, very good :-D
________________________________________________
WORST GAS EVER TODAY BECAUSE I COULDN'T USE THE BATHROOM IN THE AM SO JUST REALLY BAD GAS RIGHT NOW AND AIR BLOATING SUCKS...SHOULD FIX ITSELF BY TOMORROW AM...
______________________________________________________________
Good Morning! I am back at work this AM. I got here in record time, on time. No traffic at all on the roads which is nice. Many people at the office are on vacation this week, so it’ll be nice & quiet here. No stress. Leaving on time for gym – going next door to work to save time. All is great. Happy to feel good this Holiday time.
Yes, I am tired and maybe I can blame it slightly on the sleeping pill, but I took it very early last night so it’d wear off almost totally. I feel that if I’m trying to increase my fitness level, my body does need more rest. It’s not an easy feat with my lifestyle and work / job. So taking a sleeping pill here & there has been good for me. I get in extra hours of rest which is very good for muscle and body recovery when increasing physical training. This is something very important to me!
Late start this AM…didn’t want to get outta bed but I def got tons of sleep. I took a sleeping pill last night to help me since I tend to have trouble sleeping after an extra day or two off from work. I’m glad I took the pill, around 5pm, because I was in bed before 9 and sleeping until around 5:30am. Waking up 1 or two times but falling back asleep very easily.
I don’t take sleeping pills often anymore as my sleep has improved greatly over the past few months.
_________________________________________________________
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
It's helping me to get rest on the times i am able so that i can enjoy the weekends more and overall improve my fitness by getting more of the rest required to do so...
I thank you for the suggestion and lately i do not take sleeping pills very much any more bc they keep me really tired for over 12 hours after i take them.
Sometimes if i eat too much, too late in the afternoon or night, I am unable to digest it through the whole system by the morning - which makes sense. too much volume is just too much volume...
also, my pooping has a tendency to slow / stop when i'm under pressure or rushing...so i was rushing yesterday morning.
Luckily, all in all, I am managing it quite well.
Lol, so this is your first day on the trip with two days sun! amazing...!
Good Morning everyone!
i just did a kind deed, hope to write about it later :) ...OK update - i wrote an email to housing managment for a our apt porter (custodian). He's excellent and he wants an apartment here. There's many, MANY buildings and i hope he gets his wish. I wrote saying how thorough a job he does and how he is very serious and places such an importance on doing the best job he can for our residents. I wrote how I hope he can get his wish and get back a little of what he gives us - the opportunity to live amongst us or nearby in one of the other buildings!
____________________________________
Lately, I'm just wanting some space & quiet and alone time. Sorry for not commenting much right now...my mind isn't into it here...sometimes we just need a break...not a full break like i don't want to be here no!, just i'll get back to it when my mind is more present. right now just finishing drying my bath mats and going to read...slow day today. so thankful for another slow day. peaceful day.
i do have to pick up a few items from the supermarket (bananas and seltzer). and i want to go to the park and have a nice 2-3 mi walk.
I will also pick up my Rx at the drug store, pick up waters at the same store, and possibly detergent as I have a couple left but usually stock up during sales. but this is it. not too much for the whole day. doable. always something to do..but not doing any extra :-)
By doing a few errands today, my work week will be much easier. And this is an important goal! The next couple weeks are 4-day weeks. Bc today i have off for observance of Christmas and next week Monday is off for observance of the New Year. This is so nice. Trying to de-stress and make these weeks easier. I am fortunate for them and it's nice to plan and do errands now - so i can relax during the week and not stress out - rather, stress so much less!!!!.
This winter, with how all the holidays are working out, as been really, really wonderful. With Mondays off and long weekends for these holidays...It should be really nice up until March. March will be a long month but i hope to have my one sick day left to use during that month so that I do in fact get at least one 3-day weekend then so that the month feels much more doable!
_________________________________________________
7:30am nice breakfast: Flavored Oatmeal Pecan Cranberry 190, banana 120,yogurt 120, lil extra stevia also. was in the mood for a sweet breakfast. 430. great :)
10am snack: wrap with pb and my cooked cranberry preserves 300
Noon: light wrap 60 with cream cheese 100 and 3 pcs pepperoni 80: 240, popcorn 100.
Before 3mi walk! go me!!! doing good with this walking business!!!! i had a bar 150,natural, higher sugar variety.
Bigger dinner: a seaweed salad 100? - not a high sugar type, but oil was in there, leftover veggies in olive oil and some extra bean sprouts 300, potato 100, nuts and other veg 100. 600, excellent. then ice cream 250 - tried a new flavor of halo - Pistachio which is great. 850 total.
Total today is nice: 2070 total...decent. i know tomorrow's gonna be a "hungry day" after all this indulging the past 3 days!!!!!!!
3 day avg: 2090. is OK! for sure.
I had a nice 3 mi walk (i actually don't know the exact mileage, will try to find out, but it was around 45 minutes which is super duper!)
____________________________________________
Since I'm up early, I decided to wash my bath mats & a winter jacket that was really in need of smelling a bit fresher! :-) Ya see, living in my apartment building, it's good to take advantage of a free laundry room when I can !
I was going to wash my bed sheets (lately it seems i do them every couple weeks instead of every week) but i do wash pillow cases every week, but decided that the clean pillow cases are enough right now until next weekend when I will wash everything.
Progress as of today: 1.4 lbs lost so far, only 3.6 lbs to go!
Happy Holidays to all my friends here on DD :-)
Again, I thank you for your comments regarding P and I will NEVER be offended. I respect your honest opinions and will get back to all of you...My mind isn't ready though to write back yet as I'm thinking about getting ready for the gym...!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Breakfast: cooked Kabocha squash (similar to acorn) that i blended and then i added some cocoa powder to as well as stevia 100-150 cal?, with just cooked cranberrries (made with my stevia of course!) 30, and small plum 50 most, seltzer with stevia, some energy drink, and a protein muffin also 230 i think it was... TOTAL HERE: 460 - excellent...trying to get my body ready for the gym soon...leaving around 10:30am for it. gym is opened till 1 so i plan to be there 11am-1pm.
And a bar 150610 before gym.
After gym chips 260 and ice cream 280 550
1160
Did all laundry!
4pm snack cooked veggies light oil sauce 250 and a wrap 60 with cream cheese 80 an egg 70 and 2 PCS pepperoni 50: 510 oh and brussel sprouts 90 F 1760...so far was starving so the meat and fat helped
Total today is 2100, decent!
2-day avg is 2200, decent :-)
My workout was very intense! Very!!!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Busy day yesterday with both a couple errands and then afternoon & evening with family for 1st night of Chanukah. We don't give gifts anymore bc everyone is an adult and gifts are more for the kids on this holiday.
We also had all our bdays throughout the fall, so, no reason to spend more money right now. In my family, the holidays are more for thankfulness and not big ellaborate gifts. As a child, I did get a gift each of the 8 nights of Chanukah.
I am back home and my gym is open till 1pm today...so i'll be going there shortly. It's my 1 workout for this holiday weekend until Tuesday. I'm glad it's open bc it made it so that i could continue to fit in 3 workouts this week and not skip 1! Wonderful...
When things settle, I plan on doing laundry today while most of the building celebrates Christmas (I only celebrate Chanukah) and make use of a pretty free laundry room?...instead of doing laundry on my day off tomorrow...seems like a plan. ...
Then, tomorrow, I will be pretty free. Go to park for sure, for another walk...and in general pick up food / waters and errands like those, maybe get new windshield wipers (don't want to, but would be good to get better ones to deal with winter storms & snow since mine are horrible and don't work great). and that's enough for tomorrow, without laundry.
And for tomorrow, if I want to be lazy and stay home all day except for a walk at the park, that'll be quite fine too! I am really enjoying quiet time at home this winter so far. Looking for a low key winter in general...
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Thank you all for your comments on my entry...at the moment it's still early and i am not able to comment back to you all just yet or to make any wise overall comment back. I do value your insights and opinions. slept around 11hrs. was very tired.
9:30am Breakfast: 400.
Chilli 250 and bar 150 at diff times 800 :-)
around 2200-2300. excellent. healthy.
I had a Chanukah dinner over with my parents.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Merry Christmas! I hope your Turkey comes out nice and moist!
12/23/16 - 1900 weekly avg - good, very close to goal of 1800's.
_______________________________________
Home: tons of ACV in seltzer with stevia. did the trick. woke up late again. :)
8:30-8:45am: Breakfast at work: banana 120, wrap 60 with cream cheese 80 and salami 120, coffee with butter! 50: 430 :-D (there wasn't any milk left but i saw butter in the fridge so i tried a bulletproof coffee)...look it up, it's a real thing :)
11am snack: natural vegan bar, moderate carbs/mod fat/mod protein. 190 (overall a decent bar bc it's natural).
total so far is great: 620 :-D
lunch might be just a wrap of a meatball marinated pesto steak! leftovers from party (in a light wrap) with some leftover cooked veggies from work party...around 550?-600
1200 tops...1400 before dinner.
dinner around 750.
2150. good.
weekly avg: hovering around 1900 - good. walked 3 miles :-)
...i have a lot to take home that i took from work (cooked veggies) leftover from the party that should last me the weekend till like Monday? nice. less food shopping & money spending - the amount of money these cooked veggies would have cost me would be approx $30-$40 based on the weight of them...so...i'd say it's worth bringing them home!
getting outta work at 2pm...off to park...will take work leftovers home...the veggies.
__________________________________________
Last night I was able to catch up on the phone with the man that everyone suggests I forget about. All my friends both here and in the world outside the internet. And they tell me simply bc they want the best for me. And I love how my friends are trying to make it so i do not hurt myself...
...but, i do keep on trying to communicate with P. He was my old physical therapist and 11yrs older than me. Last night we had the opportunity to chat for just about an hour and it was so nice. I do love him already, despite that we don't see each other often we do have a good connection. It's more than I usually have with anyone. He does understand me and never puts me down, EVER. He never tells me that I am too much or that I should stop being me or that anything i do isn't enough or right.
He supports me, despite his inability to communicate well.
He is holding back. A ton. but, despite it all, he listens to me and allows me to be the real me. I am not fake towards him, never lie, never trying to be someone I am not.
I am so lucky to share my life (everyday) with him. I do text him every single day. He doesn't always reply on Mon-Wed when his mind is really into his work (he is a workaholic). But, I know he is listening. I know he remembers what I tell him. I know he does want the best for me.
This man is who I want to be with.
He works so hard for his patients, for his looks (he puts the effort in 100%), he tries so hard to be "everything." I love him for this part of his personality. I love him for his looks and I love him for his support and that he has never told me to stop opening up. He's never, EVER, told me to stop or be quiet or that I told him too much.
When on the phone with him, although rarely, the man he comes accross to me as is confident. His voice is soothing. He is so warm on the phone and so welcoming to chat with. Last night was better than any time we have spoken ever. It felt the most natural. And it ended...well...in a sensual way to put it well for internet reasons. He is good to me. He makes me feel the best I can possibly feel. He makes me feel more mature and like the 34 yr old woman that I am. He's 45. I feel such a need for him in my life and I do hope that one day I will be able to say he is my real-life sweetheart and best friend. I love him.
We have been texting and talking, and only once met up (last memorial day weekend) and i visit him on occasion at work...for over 3 years.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
He's being nice to you, but he'll NEVER EVER "come around" and be with you and newsflash--after all this time and when/if he does come around to be the man YOU think he is, you probably won't want him.
He is married--gay or straight or bi. Probably has children. Or he's simply committed to someone else. Or he just loves himself a lot. If he's not married he is a player of sorts--but he kinda sucks at it--haha! He more than likely is just straight, married with kids and a mortgage and gobs and gobs of debt (would explain the working a lot) and a great life--or a sucky life. Probably sucky!
The thing is, you don't really know. Neither do I:-) You could probably find out pretty easily.
If on the off-chance he's really single, then he really is pathetic or he knows from your demeanor or what you've said that you're not the kind of woman he'd spend the rest of his life with.
For the most part men (not EVERY single man of course) want a woman who is a caregiver, a nurturer, perhaps someone to have their children. Someone to take care of them like their mother did or DIDN'T take care of them.
If none of this is true--he's intimidated because you take care of yourself. You're very close to your dad and have maybe communicated how he helped you get your job and apartment, as you've mentioned.
You've been really going through a lot of changes lately and time is ticking--34 is a good time to do what makes you happy.
And if none of that is true, he's grooming you to do something very bad for you--loan/give him money or something. Please excuse my cynicism:-)
Having phone sex or casual sex or whatnot isn't that great--is it? Doesn't matter who it's with--you deserve better and you're a straightforward person who has time to find a solid mate for life if that's what you want.
We talk ourselves (in our head or to ourselves out loud) into accepting pretty shabby and sometimes abusive behavior from others. You have to evolve to get to where I am on this guy. It won't happen overnight.
I'm just giving you a little food for thought. Only because I've BTDT--just don't keep doing it for so long that you get as cynical as I am at age 57--haha!
Take good care of yourself!
I wrote an entry more about why i am still thinking about Paul...if you are interested even if you do not support it, I appreciated your comments here.
I understand that you care deeply for this man, but something is not right. IDK, I just think, Why would you settle for this half-way relationship? :-( Don't sell yourself short. (((hugs)))
Home at 6:50-7am: VERY VERY strong apple cider vinegar (half cup at least) in seltzer and sweetened with stevia. NO CAL. followed by a banana bc it was soo strong, but worked how i wanted it to & very quickly bc i was running late. 120.
8:30am at work: Quest bar, microwaved, in Oatmeal flavor. 200 i think the package said. and coffee with equal and milk 50.
Snack: bar of which accidentally got chopped off so it's not a full bar in the package = perfect bc we are having an early lunch provided by my office today :) 130-150 tops.
12pm Lunch: wonderful. had a somewhat large roll 250? also and some pasta 100? and veggies were really good 200 salad 50 and other stuff 50. and champagne 50. 700, tops and prob less. would love to steal some veggies for tomorrow / weekend.
1200 after a really, really nice lunch. should have taken more meat though. just a few bites of sausage, which was EXCELLENT.
before gym next door: granola bar only i think and caffeine 150.
1350 after gym
after gym cookie i think, 360. and a couple small plums and tastes of ice cream 100 more.
total today: 1820 i'll say. GREAT. bed prob early when i get home. so tired.
1860 6-day avg.
________________________________________
I am satisfied so far after a bar this morning at 10:30am. It was mostly natural, nut based. Therefore, I will not be starving for the office party. good stuff. gym is tonight, next door to work bc lately i just care about saving time, not adding an additional 45 min overall in driving to my night bc that's the addition when i go to the other gym after work.
Slept so much last night, over 8 hours and NO sleeping pill. Lately, i am able to sleep & sleep....I love it. :-) Especially on non-gym nights with less caffeine.
Progress as of today: 1 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 Next Page ]
Hope all your plans work out in your favour J. Have a great day.
Thank you Franny...Enjoy your last few days before your trip!
Donkey on 12/31/2016:
Donkey is cheering you on! I can't wait to see what you accomplish in 2017!
Thank you for being one of my faithful cheerleaders. You know you have my support too!!!!
Duaa123. on 12/31/2016:
Happy new year for u too. I hope ur physical injrey relived soon ..have a good day
Yes, I am on my way Duaa!
Much love and happiness to you in the New Year!!!!
grannyannie on 01/01/2017:
Hope you get into the NYPD! You can do it!
Thank you Annie...that's my mentality...must be my thinking for this year 2017: I can do it :-D
puddles on 01/01/2017:
Cute post about he beautiful women with tiny guy -- the shell has nothing to do with who the person really is he is probably a very nice guy and that wins all the time. Looks are very superficial but what is skin deep is what counts. I have always found that superficial people have very little to offer in my life.
Yeah, they were both very young like good chance they were still in their late teens. She was beautiful and tall in heals and all done up on her makeup and her hair done so perfectly at now 2am in the morning. she was really beautiful. both were african american. She was a little lighter and he was darker skin, and skinny whereas she was thin but thin in a more athletic / strong way where he was skinny. their styles were slightly different, but i was just so surprised as they looked so different in style...in outward presentation...in body type...usually it's just not something we see as many couples tend to look similar if you know what i mean? i wasn't being judgemental to be negative i was just surprised, she sat at one point with her legs spread wide in her heals like a real confidence and showing who's boss, whereas he took up little room and she actually shoved (nicely) against him and he moved right up against the end of his seat so he could lie against the wall to the side of him as they were on the end...lol...i was totally watching and i think she knew bc when i asked the person next to me what happened to my stop...that person was like "you just missed it you must have dozed off!"...and the pretty lady across from me - the older teen i was describing - looked at me like she knew why!!! she knew she must have distracted me with the guy she was with!
I gotta tell you...it's all pretty funny and typical for me...almost...i am a people watcher and always find different people and relationships interesting...i didn't even realize that i missed the whole movement of the train for a full stop i was watching them! NUTZ!
I usually don't stare, it was 2:00am so i have that on my side maybe i was being more weird than normal...but as for my own friends - def not superficial.
I hope i didn't offend you in this entire comment?
puddles on 01/01/2017:
not offended