2200 today. very healthy choices bc after gym instead of a protein muffin, i ate real food again. but some extras. 600 cal.
8:30am big breakfast: banana 120, almond milk 30, oatmeal 150, very last packet very high quality protein powder by shakeology 200, peanut butter 150: 650. big but healthy.
11am: almonds lightly salted 150 i feel healthier now as i've been eating better. things are going well for me this almost SPRING.
12:30pm nice lunch: turkey burger 150, chips 150, some pumpkin 50,and some veggies 100?500 or so.
wow i am eating much better.so much healthier after increasing carbs.
3:30pm snacking: tons of strawberries and some lite ice cream 200.
1500...and also will have one more carb snack before gym probably...
1500 - a bit high but really no cares lately....since i'm not gaining weight...as i've increased cardio it seems that i'm balancing, mostly, my weight and calories. ..but lately i was also having short weeks and even a day off in February due to snow...so in March it's back to the grind of long weeks at work - so - .....i will see if my weight can still remain stable with calories in the 2000s...need a lower cal week soon though i think! ??
Before gym at 5pm: oats and honey granola bar 120 and caffeine.
around 1600 so far today, excellent.
after gym: not sure, maybe a protein muffin with sweet potato also...but this can change!
now time to relax this AM....reading.
slept really well.
weights at gym today...
tomorrow home with parents and visiting grandma as well as a short walk after lunch with parents ! yay!
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It's 11am and i've already cleaned my shower just because i wanted to, clothes are washing, i am relaxing, ready to finally read....things are good & I am happy. I wanted to spend the day home and it feels good to be doing so!
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Home: vinegar drink 20
Breakfast at work: banana perfectly ripe bc i bought them last night! 120, wrap 60 with cooked cranberries 30 and peanut butter 200, coffee with milk and some cane sugar 60
snack: almonds? 170
lunch: totally healthy leftovers: saag 250-300, rice 150, cabbage 50, turkey burger 150: 650, all healthy. maybe a plum also 50. 650.
Had a low carb sugar free blue Monster Energy drink after lunch and took around half hour stroll around community and even picked up some veggies that i'll have for dinner tonight...good food.
And now i can go home & relax and not have to exercise tonight because i was able to walk in the sunshine this afternoon! I see myself in bed early tonight...very tired...the more I have excelled at my weights routine and the stronger I have gotten, the more sleep I need...
.... It's not too much - but I've come to realize that I function well on extra sleep - more than 8hours is good for me. So, tonight I'll get a long sleep to make up for any missed sleep during the week. I enjoy the extra sleep on weekends. Very much.
1300 after a healthy lunch and for sure leaving work at 4:30 so i can go home...unless i walked at lunch...and leaving at 5pm...tired, but need to walk a hair...maybe or just rest...doesn't better. walking was good but i'm ready for bed. for some reason, the fitter i get, the more sleep i keep needing!
3pm snack big plum 50...
for some reason very hungry i think i'm a combo of BORED and pretty TIRED.
4:30pm - and a nice milk chocolate with jelly and peanut butter filling. 50 cal - coworker give me a bar, so i'm having some little by little...each square is 50 cal so that's a nice treat here and there! In total there's 6 small pieces. i've had only 2.
1400 so far...i have healthy dinner stuff at home and bringing home so today will end up being a wonderfully healthy day despite the monster drink :)
Nice dinner:
2080 7day avg. almost 2100 a bit high but not gaining weight really.
Today was 2200 as I indulged big time at dinner. Got take out and bigger portions but healthy.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
6:30am: kombucha 30 and some leftover vinegar drink 10: 40.
Breakfast: banana 120, wrap 80, cooked cranberries 20, peanut butter 200: 420. coffee 50. 470.
snack:none, not very hungry this AM...to excited thinking i'm going to both Vegas and Haiti this year. wow! living it up.
lunch: to be very healthy - leftovers - turkey burger 150, rice 200, cabbage 50, saag 250: 650-700. I made the burgers last night...so proud of myself! - so glad i'm cooking now. Cabbage was nuked in mircowave this morning bc last night i got tired and didn't want to bake it up like originally planned. but little by little i'm cooking more & it is wonderful. Saves so much $$$.
snack before gym: caffeine and bar 150 might drive to gym and not go next to work, bored of next to work, don't mind driving tonight, actually!
after gym: probably a protein cookie..450, chips bc i was too not satisfied 200. 650.
2000 cal, good :-)
2060 6-day, decent :-D
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Two upcoming trips to plan for:
1- July going to Haiti! with 1 friend who is a world-traveler (so i feel good doing this with her as Haiti can be risky...but so cool...and cheap as anything!!!!!) very excited about this! Nothing booked yet but plans are to go for 3-4 days during July 1-15 not planned exacty when.
2- October 11th-15th flight is already booked - going to Vegas! with 1-2 friends. Also excited about this one!!!!! This trip to include skydiving.
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Gym tonight after work :-D
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Hi!
Home: kombucha 50 good.
9am Breakfast at work: wrap 80, banana 120,peanut butter 200 400. coffee decaf with milk and stevia 50.
snack: smokehouse flavor almonds oh my good! 100 cal.
healthy lunch: half tiny avocado 150, white basmati rice 150, half large orange 60, 4 large egg whites 100, small serving saag 150 600 or so, all healthy.
4:30pm small piece chocolate 50 with peanut butter and jelly filling
early dinner, no exercise as my body is tired and i'm happy to go right home, cooking up some ground turkey tonight..but not even sure if i'm in the mood for it...maybe just a veggie potato based burger and rice and cabbage...yeah. i got it all at home already....i may bake the cabbage... I cooked turkey burgers! yay go me! had it 150, and some leftober saag 200-250, and okra sauteed 150 some chips and strawberries 200. 750 at most. excellent dinner!
2000 and all healthy! go me! eating healthy is def easier as i have started cooking and will save me money too!
phone is in car, totally not going to get it - planning on early to bed tonight wahoo!
2070 5-day average and eating healthy. far less sugar.
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Late start to morning and actually got to work late too, but nobody's here much this week and i'll of course make up the time later on today when i work till 4:45 instead of 4:30 - it's not a problem here. I slept really well last night and would have slept more if not for my alarm. Good sleep, no pill, naturally. I was tired.! T
onight no plans after work - except to cook up some ground turkey with taco seasoning. So i'll have nice meat to eat with the remainder of my meals this week - and not only eggs.
Good to save money by cooking at home more...feeling good about March right now. I'll make it work in March, despite not having days off I think I'm going to try to get thru it without taking a day off - nice challenge for me. I can come in late / leave early couple times and then not take a day off that Month...we'll see how I feel as the month goes thru.
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Despite eating more calories per avg each day, I have not gained any permanent weight i do not think. and today i feel slimmer than i have been in months....! i'm not really losing weight, just not bloated today at all.
really feeling good, but still darn right thigh leg cramps which is weird bc my period is basically over but i've had light lower back pain and thigh pain from the hormones the whole like 5 days even though the actual flow lasted only like 3..sorry.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
yes the trip in OK will be good for you...March stinks...i've run outta days because our new days start in APRIL...but if i have to, i'll take one extra day off in March if I'm starting to get too run down. otherwise, i just plan to sleep in one of the days in March..
Banana at midnight 120 - bad right thigh cramps i think bc i had a lot of caffeine earlier in day...also a huge workout / period ending...combo stuff going on.
6:30am: Vinegar drink in morning: 10 cal by Suja a new one on the market that i liked
8:30am work breakfast: banana 120, wrap 80, peanut butter 200, cinnamon 400.
snack: maybe some bar strawberry cheesecake but tasted not like that at all, only one so i'm dealing not the worst. 150.
...emphasis on pretty healthy lunch :-D ...my weight was so low this morning around 114.5? but it's due to eating very lightly yesterday...kinda nice how my relatively small increase in cardio has led to rather moderate and i gotta admit far easier ability to maintain a lower weight. - to put it consisely: added cardio has made it easier to maintian 115lbs weight for me. I do know that i cannot push this cardio and after walking around Sunday in boots, i know i cannot overdo right now...legs are slightly sore, but no injuries :-D my workouts and leg work is paying off!!!!!! leg strength has a defiite noticable increase :-D - this means that i am able to walk more, less limitations. i'm happy!!
Early lunch: planning on taking an early lunch today at work, proably alone...i am happy just doing what i gotta do, no worries. ate with a male, married, coworker from phillippines, he's a fun man. always great conversation!...had half a blt 200-250...and some sauteed eggplant 100? and lots of sauteed pumpkin 200? bc of the oil. 550-600 all healthy.oh and a large orange..100.
1400 after a satisfying lunch. i didn't sleep much all night, my mind was thinking out everything i wrote about in this entry today...but i plan to catch up on sleep tonight. bc i'm tired, i'm craving caffeine soooo much. craving diet coke but it's bad for my skin so i'm refraining and trying to make some better choices as it's kinda nice to have the better skin as of late!
snack after work: ? almonds around 200 cal :-)
1600 and HEALTHY - before dinner....
Union Meeting from 6-7pm located 10 min walking from my apt so i'll go there tonight. This is why i planned for gym last night :-D
Dinner after union meeting: will def involve eggs bc i have a whole dozen of hard boiled tasty ones cooked up perfectly at home! up to 600.
2200 total.
2088 4-day.
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I am not asking for advice really on what is below - I have learned what many teens, young adults & adults have experienced, finally. Letting a love go. :-D It took until now, but now i have found the closure i need and i'm content. I'm fulfilled and know i gave my all...and that relationships are never one-sided so...if someone cannot give me what i do really need, i have accepted it, finally...and it's not what i need...and therefore it's not fullfilling. it took me a long time to gather the real courage and strength to face it...and i have. I am proud of myself for facing the facts and reality of my situation and that it was so very unhealthy to me (and him probably) and now i can continue to grow and face new relationships and people and situations....i am happy about this......
These past 2 years until now, I've learned more about being a grown-up, about negative frienships, and about negative romantic relationships. We all have to have our hearts broken and to end those sorts of relationships that aren't really good for us. I can say I have grown as a woman these couple years because of these events. It is never enjoyable to end long friendships nor is it easy to end loving someone.
For me, it was easier to break away from the frienships as it was me who wanted out. As far as liking a man (actually loving him on my end), it was hard to break off of that love and hurt when he didn't return my feelings. The way I eventually got over it was by realizing that this man loved to be in control - he was the boss and owner of his work and he didn't like to answer to anyone outside of work. He could not fullfill what i needed to be fullfilled...
He wanted full freedom and being boss meant there was nothing i could do to change his mind or make him love me - that if he didn't want it, i should be honest with myself and move on from a person that couldn't give me the love i was waiting and hoping for. I realized that it wasn't fully my fault at all, that this man is turning now 46 in the spring and he's still single...and it isn't my fault that he lives the way he lives. A relationship takes two, and the only one that wanted it was me - so i have realized that i will have to accept it -- and move on.
It took me a very long time to understand P (known him around 4 years i think now)...and to understand that "he's the boss of him," and "i'm the boss of me" and that it's going to be that way till eternity. That he's not emotionally available and never was.. As I look back on all the red flags, there are certain ones I notice now that I overlooked.
Slightly graphic ahead, very adult content - I had to write it for me, I am sorry if i offend anyone -
Big red flags were the night i hung out with him. He made it clear from almost the start of the night that he would NOT give into any of my desires - meaning when i went to try to kiss him at the bar when we were laughing and enjoying ourselves - he made it a huge deal saying "i'm not kissing you!" and laughing...when we were at another bar that night i asked him to dance with me - he said "i'm not dancing."...and when i was slightly "getting intimate with him in his bedroom and things get heated..almost...and i went to lick him (i am very sorry for being graphic i aplogize but this is the biggest red flag)...
...- he stopped me as my tongue touched his ----s and said " your friend is downstairs, this isn't a good idea..." and i stopped for him (but now i realize that i played into his control game - i should have fought him to continue - he was so afraid to lose control with me or do anything at all out of his comfort...and i listened to him at a moment when i should have pushed him to continue through this emotional and physical moment. the problem with why this negative and controlling semi-relationship went on so long is that i listened too much to him - i didn't realize the extent to which i tried to follow his "rules" and thinking that i was getting more succesful and winning him over but really i was just a player at his own game. I was running a race, but never moving forward, like a mouse on a wheel.
He let me wallow in attempting to catch him for several years, but he held the rope and always kept me several feet away at bay and never able to catch him. He was in control and wasn't going to let his guard down, even in the MOST INTIMATE of situations, he stopped himself, when he was fully aroused (and just so you know it seemed i never saw a man so close to climax and stop ok? i'm sorry to anyone reading this if it's too much but i have to get this out......do you know how hard that must be for most men????? he just stopped himself..he walked away, into the bathroom, but his underwear back on...do you know how upsetting that is to me? ...he isn't and will probably never be able to lose his sense of control and feel vulnerable. I don't know why and do not care - i have figured him out despite only hanging out with him that one night over a period of texting (i texted him basically daily every single day) and chatting (voice) almost never /very infrequently (he wouldn't agree to many phone conversations...it was a struggle to get him on the phone - another of his huge limitations) over FOUR YEARS!!.
I've learned a lot of myself and my needs. I KNOW that I am able to be in better and more honest / honorable relationships. If i have offended anyone, this is a journal / diary and i needed to write it out.
I am over him and it took till now to think about it. Over these couple weekends, i went to a couple shows about broken hearts, actually 3 in total and i was able to gain more insight on the topic. It's something that most adults experience - in order to really reach true love with someone later.
It's sad, but it happens to many. I am not alone. I am glad I can move forward understanding the situation better, especially after the programs i attended in person on these 2 weekends.
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12:15am: still right thigh cramp...took a 12hr pill similar to a midol and had a banana.
it's after midnight, need to go to sleep but not worried, of course, as i slept great all weekend. it's how it works with me & my gym routine. I am for a few good days, which balance out the others. and this has worked for me now...i have learned better balance which i'm happier with now.
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Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Yeah, he was the opposite of ED...he was def able...for sure...i saw...i felt it in my hand actually pulsing more than any man before...and he then just disconnected from it...told me it was a bad idea...and had me put my shirt back on (pants were still on me...time of month..i'm sorry inner i know this is a lot of stuff)....and he walked to the bathroom...probably did what he needed to do - on himself. and he got dressed in there. and that was it. Last memorial day. it was the strangest ever. I do not think he sleeps around with any women. I think, despite his GREAT looks, that he only takes care of that aspect of his life by himself, with himself. It makes me sad to think about it.
I do NOT think he is comfortable anymore with anyone.
It's enough writign i've done on it, i have moved on.
I still think highly of him and respect him.
He's just not the man for me...
I want to think you.
This last confrontation of me and him was last night, i stopped by his work before i went to the gym. it went very poorly....it's over now :-)
thanks again. it's still raw but i'm over this relationship.
I'm happy i'm free and not tied down to anyone right now in general. that i can hang out with all friends and my life is open to experience more - really thankful for this!
gosh.
when you say mine was a strange guy, he was....very atypical...very controlling with his entire life and everyone he knew.
but you see isn't that nuts, he couldn't be intimate sexually or emotionally. he was totally unable at all to do anything relationship-wise.
i will never try to "wait" to see if a man can open up....that's not going to be good for me...i'm ok.
i'm happy i'm still young and healthy. i don't think i want kids, i'm 34...so that's not a factor for me that needs addressing...
i think i am still in the running to find the right man for me <3
I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart again...as i was addicted to this guy for several years now and it's good to get the closure. he never allowed me to get closure which is what continued this, but now it's done. And i'm so thankful about it.
I'm very proud of you for shedding yourself of (what seem to me to be) these toxic relationships. Some people never get out, but you've done it. Twice.
My only finger-wagging, lecturing, mom-voice is the part where you mention doing all that walking around in boots! Horn, you must be more careful with your footwear considering your previous injury and your NYPD goal. Proper and healthy/correct footwear is EVERYTHING. Ms. Donkey knows this from her own sad experience, so please learn from my mistake!
Yeah, boots weren't the smartest. Right leg is good to go but of course left ankle is still tight. It's good to know I was able to handle it better, but, I will listen to you and just not go crazy with the boots again for a long time...maybe invest in some sorta flats that look good for going out instead of sneakers that i can use my orthotics (inserts) with. You are right...boots do defeat the purpose haha. THANK YOU.
1:30am - pita crisps 220. waking up too often with appetite.
9am breakfast fiber one 2 cups 240, almond milk 30, blueberries 120 400. 620, good. Currently doing few small loads of laundry.. Snack: almonds 110 730.... My friend is coming over to plan our flight to Vegas for October!
Only snacking until lunch at 3! - coffee 50 or so?
nice and healthy lunch at diner: mushrooms sauteed 150, some stewed zucchini 100, and half my BLT (the rest is for lunch tomorrow) 300. 550-600. excellent.
after gym: protein cookie 350.
1750, excellent considering my high cal days as of late! good.
2050 3-day avg. good!
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After lunch i picked up some basic items from supermarket. I'm def prepared for this short week ahead. Glad it's just 4 days.
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Tomorrow I have a meeting after work as to which i am happy to attend. It feels good to have planned gym and everything so that i can attend - no prob! ;)
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We are only planning the flight dates and booking today - not doing hotels or anything else yet bc it's too early and we are waiting to see prices on groupon in a few Moore months .. Couple errands Gym in evening around 4:30pm-6:30pm HAPPY PRESIDENT'S DAY!
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sorry i'm not commenting, i've been quite active off here as of late.
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Vegas is booked, done. I got a very cheap flight - basically the cheapest around so I got very, VERY lucky. Round trip, non-stop, it was $360 from NYC. This is, by far, a not good, but a GREAT price. Did great. I actually got a $60 discount - by calling up and helping my friend take care of her ticket - i was awarded $60 off. I got very lucky today!
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Breakfast and snacks 700. All healthy. Some caffeine also. Going to a show today with my friend and dinner after...show only $10.
50 cal chocolate , strawberries 800..
chicken 150, sauteed veggies one big bite of fried plantain 200, pumpkin 150.
1300-1350, healthy.
dinner: fish 200 at least, roasted cauli 250 at least, few fries 50-100, cabbage cooked some oil 50, seaweed salad 50? - 750?
1.5 light beers 200 cal...
2250-2300. blech! but all in great fun....awesome day, trust me!
2day avg = 2200. bed soon.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Close to 9am: huge breakfast: oatmeal 150, honey and almond milk 50, vanilla protein packets i am using up (got two more left but it's too many calories to do all the time at 200) 200, peanut butter 200. 600 - extremely filling. good. Healthy mix with lots of added vitamins, good fiber and protein :-) Was craving it. Got full well ahead of finishing, but just went for it!
10:45 while doing laundry: banana and almonds 200.
12:30pm 100 cal almonds, chips 130, chicken 150, rice 100, sauteed okra 150: 630.
1400, healthy.
before gym: bar and caffeine...150
1550
after gym:
Total 2100 all healthy.
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little bit of muscle cramps today due to female stuff. came early which is weird, but only by like 2 days. no prob. glad to work out at gym tonight.
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I have wonderful plans for this weekend. Today is gym tonight and i think laundry soon after a quick shower before i go down to that laundry room. For some reason, i have a ton of clothes and stuff to wash? i will do another laundry day on Monday so that it's an easy week next weekend :-) But laundry is full, so i'll wash what's in there. Monday i'll also do bedding along with clothes from weekend. all is good.
Ah - weekend plans:
Saturday: laundry, gym tonight and anything else i can think of at home, reading.
Sunday: afternoon out in Astoria for a show with my friend at 3pm ($10 show) and dinner after nice day!
Monday: laundry again to make it easier on the following weekend, quick food shopping maybe some cooking but not much this weekend, not in mood, and gym in evening.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Midnight - banana 120, later acv in vinegar with stevia.
Breakfast: banana 120, wrap 80, some pumpkin sauteed 30?, peanut butter 200: 430.
11:45am snack: Smokehouse flavor almonds so good! 100 or so.
Lunch: some of my food and some Indian food! ordered at work!! chicken not more than 100, rice 250-300 at least i overdid it, lettuce 50, ...and some Indian on top of saag (spinach) or just okra not sure. indian at least 300-400 also for that food i think? up to 850 for lunch but all healthy...just huge portions.
1500 after lunch and very full....tasty change of pace but want to eat light for dinner...maybe the Halp Top light ice cream again lol...haven't done that in awhile...
5:30pm snacking at home before walk: come chips 50 & chicken 100.
2250. good.
7day avg: 2006, decent.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Morning at home: little kombucha 20 and some local honey. 60 total and also some acv in seltzer with stevia.
1st breakfast: some roasted spicy chickpeas and some coffee (decaf) with milk 100
2nd breakfast: banana 120, peanut butter 200, wrap 80: 400.
600 approx total.
Lunch: all healthy - brown rice 150, roasted veggies 250 tops, chicken 200 tops 600.
Snack: perhaps apple 100
Before gym: bar and caffeine 100
total so far: 1400 :-D
After gym: maybe cookie...not sure.
400Total today is 1800, nice !!
1966 avg
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
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Sounds like the weekend is off to a great start! I have a LOT of stuff to do this weekend, but I too hope to get some time to read, watch a documentary on Netflix, and knit :-)
Which documentary. I may have to invest in Netflix....better things for me to watch on TV...I may actually do it today - join Netflix. Thanks Donkey.