Morning: sparkling vinegar drink 30, seltzer with stevia
then i actually cooked this morning for around a half hour all the veggies in my fridge! lol - before work!
Work: small wrap 60 with only a veggie burger 200 total here & coffee 50 (wow was that veggie burger SALTY...)
Morning Snack: small bar 150
Light lunch: collard greens that i cooked in olive oil with some onion and another veggie burger or TWO (110 cal each). and caffine. and package cheezits 250 (hopefully not more, seemed a lot in there!) 450 cal.
900 after lunch, GREAT. hoping to lower down my cals today with light dinner.
Tongiht is a light dinner again: ice cream and jello (sf).
snack on way home: plum 50
light dinner, bed early: ice cream ended up having extra 400 & jello 40, plum very small and lots of celery 100, seltzer with stevia (and my taste buds are so angry at me with all this extra sweet food here! - for real!) tongue is on fire! i'm fine...believe me... around 550 for dinner (when it was supposed to be 350 - but got in a REALLY nice 45 min walk so that's good...)
total today is still really quite nice...1500...excellent.
5-day average: 1770 - EXCELLENT.
1300...planning on zero exercise... I did get waxed (very cheap place up the block from where i work...)...bc plans to be with a guy i think (from work and younger) after we go out friday night..........!!!!!!!!!! (still up in air, but i think so)
Early Morning: kombucha 2 servings and seltzer with stevia 60.
I bought a chicken last week and totally am throwing it out...good thing the rotisserie bird was not more than $4.99 - still a waste of $ but i don't tend to eat much meat all week for many months now...I bought it Friday & might throw the thing out as I bought it end of day and was prob cooking all afternoon that day...not good to eat so many days later...
Late Breakfast at work closer to 9am because i got in late (must work on this & I will as my schedule is going to change when all schools open next week around here): smaller wrap with lox and cream cheese (2 tablespoons whipped) 240, coffee 50 with milk and equal, and a banana bc i feel i need more carbs / potassium this week feeling it... 410
Snack before lunch: small bar 130
1pm Lunch: small Smart Ones pizza maybe with lettuce and celery with a litttle salt also ... 450 cal.
Snack before gym around 5pm today: plum 50, light Fiber One snack 100, Energy Drink 20:200 cals. This type of snack is very high powering for me before gym. Pure carbs and caffeine power me thru - for 1.5hrs.
After gym: 400 cals in light ice cream, chips, sf jello. GOOD.
1650 - good.
1840/day Excellent.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
So...ran into the elevator today only to stop at another floor in my bldg. In the elevator steps a guy in gym clothes so i asked if he was going to the gym this morning. He said no, physical therapy...haha...i asked where!? he said the name of the place where Paul works. I said...who's your PT...he tells me Paul!!!!!!!
So i asked him to tell Paul that "Jackie Says HI!" haha...
Paul is probably ready to KILL me at this point perhaps!
What a coincidence.
My whole problem around Paul is that there's been no other guy that meets his standards - i haven't been impressed by ANY other men which is why i keep focusing back on him.
But it isn't healthy.
Truth is, I really don't have time for my friends, best friend, family & a relationship & THE GYM & getting into the NYPD.
So it is what it is & i'll enjoy being single (and not sleeping with anyone as i don't have the time it seems...) It's good i got that part out of my system this past April (1st time in 11 months). It seems that these next few years are going to be more a focus on me than anything else. And a focus that is nothing short of determination past getting into too many situations which are going to bring me down physically - no time for any injuries.
Although I will go on a trip in October, possibly the last trip...
And i may just get myself into the Academy 6 months earlier, if i must...because this is just too much hassle with my job i am thinking....
no work at work...slow....
Thinking to MAYBE kickstart my leg stuff which seems a bad idea, but keep it going, and if i feel good, I will leave my job Dec. 1st. and enter the academy right after the New Year. This seems almost reasonable...will be thinking about this...instead of entering in July '17...this could be really a good thing. Just need my focus.
I just hope to find someone that I'm truly attracted to on the INSIDE and OUTSIDE..there's a guy i'm into but only on inside - i don't want to settle. i can't. i want to wake up knowing there's someone i love that i love on the OUTSIDE and inside. Love should be both. I don't want to "grow" to love someone on the outside...it's not fair to me in my opinion.
i feel this way because i put in work to myself...and the guy i want - he should put in work too...and, he should be as good looking (average) as i am...i don't want to settle as corny or selfish as this may sound.
it's just something that i feel.
i need to find someone that i like for both - not just the inside and not just the outside.
Yes, I'm moving on. In general, moving on in ANYTHING and EVERYTHING in life is hard for me to do.
Change is difficult for me.
Yes, i need to move on.
1900 3-day avg.
1100 thru lunch. lunch was closer to 600 cal, higher carb. craving carbs today. probably due to higher carb eating yesterday though not sure - or maybe due to a lack of sleep...not horrible, but prob slept no more than 6 hrs. all is good though.
I dropped off a plum around 7:20am at my crush's work...lol...he wasn't there yet but it's def opened. I dropped the fruit off in a paper towel and small baggie right on his desk LOL. we'll see what he has to say about that! i got the biggest adrenaline rush from doing that...it actually made my heart race and i was sweating LOL. after all, i was given permission to go into his office and leave it on his desk! LOL. by his associate partner. LOL. TOo funny. at least i looked pretty put together this AM....not to embarass him!
1150 or so before dinner. Bigger dinner around 700 and snack 50. Total is approx 1900 I would say.
I think I upset the dude...dang it. talking about my crush!
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Or meaning my actions / writing is too soft and kind?
LOL.
I have already more to write on Paul as something funny happened this morning :)
My weight is accurate. It usually says 115.6 lately. And one day this past week it said exactly 115. Maybe at times i was even under 115. Feels good. I like this weight.
Lazy weekend fun breakfast - 10am-11am: 2 Medium plums 100, Halo Top Birthday Cake 1/2 pint 150, jello 50, FULL PINT Halo Top Strawberry 300 - total = 600 = good. and seltzer with stevia.
12:45 bigger lunch but healthy: leftover thai veggies 100? with some fried salmon (small amount but totally fried) 200? and also a bit of chicken 150 - 450 for sure if not more.
1050 so far, decent & full.
I did laundry and already prepared some jello and even put strawberries in the lemon jello & an brown banana in the lime...we'll see how that one works out or if i even eat it. maybe cooking stuff early tomorrow morning (cooking veggies) - not in mood to do it tonight after a gym and showering after that. relaxing. :-D
Also today I took care of a lot of bills / money stuff at home. It probably took around 1hr of time - not bad. I also donated to MSK cancer research $10 because they even offered a tote bag free lol - that's not why i did it - but i do support the research of course and i also am always sorta impressed by their fundraising as seeing so much they give out to get us to donate. Calendars and everything. So, i like giving to them. And just prepared some stuff for the week.
Before gym: 200 cals. carbs and caffeine.
After gym: Tasty subway sandwich, higher salt purposely. Whole wheat flatbread with a veggie patty. Around 400 cals. and trying to end it here on a good note.
Calories today: 1650 - excellent. as it started off not so good with all the snacking early and bigger meals. and some sf lemon jello with strawberries (wow was great).
Calorie average is now 1900 per day this weekend. def a decent amount.
my gym workout was super - extra fast.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Sure, feel free to even copy some of the things i eat. you'll lose weight. trust me. You will lose weight on 2,000 cal per day also. the point is to eat sorta as much as you can to get the job done, instead of eating the least i can. then it becomes easier for me to maintain. feel free to ask me anything.
No sleeping pills on Thursday night or Fri night = good idea. Up early today but this is good. Time to relax before heading out to the beach with my best friend.
Morning snacking: leftover ice light Halo Top Lemon Cake ice cream 60, seltzer with stevia, chips 200, jello 50. total here: 310.
2050 cals good. I did come home very relaxed from beach :-)
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Had a very new & def a new fave drink: sparkling vinegar drink. only 25 cals. and i add a tiny bit extra stevia to sweeten & OMG. this stuff is great. also, like the kombucha, it's good for elimination. I drink it in AM and usually add some seltzer with stevia also.
8:30am at work: wrap with lox and extra cream cheese, coffee, 350 total
around 400 at most. thinking to just be hungry this AM and not have a snack bar. to just relax it out. i don't have much work AT ALL. I don't have any bosses giving me work. I'll talk about this later.
lunch: healthy stuff...good on all levels, some chips 450 approx. excellent! (some leftover sauteed pumpkin mixed with cauliflower "rice", some cold cuts low sodium turkey, some lightly processed chips - not a bad brand & I do LOVE myself some chips regularly..)
gonna have a good low cal day...and i can tell i've lost a few ounces this week FOR SURE. clothes are fitting really well. digestion this week has been very good too.
blech - ending up indulging on crap 1900 cals at most, still good. did go for around an hour walk.
weekly average = 1750/day
________________________________________________________
It's very nerve-wracking, stressful & upsetting. But I need to fully ignore these feelings & concentrate on my cop NYPD goal. If i can work at it faster, I may try for January '17 but i can only think it's too early...but i am going to push it in my mind anyways....
I will see how I feel end of October and determine if January '17 really is too soon or if I can go for it.
I am working on my legs atthe gym MORE and MORE.
I feel a slight improvement already.
I can do slightly more weights with legs.
But still i'm a beginner & not into running...at all - until i feel no pain - which will be late fall or wintertime.
I'm trying to remain relaxed about it all.
But with my boss leaving (my only boss the whole time i was here) and not having work because everything is VERY wacky at my company (up in the air // change of positions // people leaving // new boss hiring....) things are just not relaxing. However, I realize i'm NOT the only one acting around here. That i'm really NOT the only one with little work. So....
.....so....I need to remain positive...watch my health....and leave here as soon as I'm ready.
So i will either leave in January (would be nice) or July (sounds better in terms of watching out for my health & physical safety).
Anyways, i'll keep thinking and rolling the dice in my head as to my next move and what is seriously right for my future.
I'm glad i'm here right now making enough money to pay my bills AND save for the future.
Despite how bad it all sounds...it's nothing compared to being homeless / on welfare / or having other major problems.
I have minor problems & cannot worry. I will make it happen & make my NYPD dream come true.
Please just support me everyone here - it means a lot - or give advice if you think i could benefit.
The NYPD will be far better for my future & savings. Although I AM saving some $$$ right now, it's sorta minimal and i'm not left with extra money each month (at least when i'm buying jeans or alterring dresses or other things...anytime i spend more than what I need - when i'm buying some new clothes / ALL MY CRAZY FOOD INDULGENCES / anything new for my apt - i am spending money which i find hard to pay back all at once to my credit card).
Once again, everything AT THIS MOMENT is fine. I'm satisfied at this very moment.
The NYPD will be good for my future. My future money situation - in terms of savings and retirement. I'll make an average of exactly the $ I am lucky to be making right now ($53/yr) for the first 5 yrs through the academy - it'll average around mid 50's.
But after that, I'll be making above $90k which is going to be very helpful for me as i get older & need to care for myself MORE. ex - New clothes, renovations to my apt, new car when this one dies. This is all 5 yrs down the line - I will be approx 40yrs old when the $90,000 per year salary kicks in. It will be very helpful. And this is also assuming that my rent stays stabilized at the $1,000/month only which is considered dirt cheap for New York City / Queens living.
If anything goes down with the electrical union / economy and things change with the rent, I could lose it all...but that shouldn't happen. I have a special deal on my rent (it's not low income or subsidized but it is a special rate per the electrical industry housing). It's a special thing in the city Queens - that no other industry has done - provided housing. now it's open to non-electrical / union workers too.
_____________________________________________
I am just worried about maintaining my job, sanity, positivity & getting my legs strong for NYPD these next 10 months (although earlier does sound best...) but all because i want something earlier doesn't mean it is the best option for my health!!!!!!!!! i have always pushed things so i may have to choose patience this time.....
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Your advice is well taken and acknowledged. Thank you so much for pointing out what is true.
1725 6-day average = EXCELLENT.
Still feeling really low energy. I know the reason why - just overwhelmed mentally. I need to move past this. Also has to do with something involving a man. Don't want to talk about it. You were all right about it (puddles) all along. blah. anyways, i am at work. I made it here on time. And I am getting thru. Gym tonight as I am not wanting to skip it.
Home: kombucha 50 (some spilled out)...and seltzer with stevia. did the trick as per usual - i'm actually having really good mornings re elimination lately. lol. sorry guys. but it helps when i go to work & start the day feeling good.
Work: a donut (they were in the kitchen at work left out) Entenman's old fashioned 210, coffee 40. 250. already hungry again at 10am though as a donut isn't satisfying.
10am Snacking before lunch: small bar atkins with protein / fat 150
Lunch: some broccoli raab though not much at all 50, turkey cold cuts 100 most, with leftover pumpkin sauttee 200?, chips 150, caffeine. 500 tops?
950-1000 before snack before gym. very good.
150 before gym 1150...
400 most after gym.
1550, excellent.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Lately my ankle bothers me but i think it's partially in my head.
1760 5-day average.
I tasted some really nice ice cream today...ordered it online as a gift to myself and it came earlier than i expected.
Today i have the day off. I took a sick day. I did some laundry so there's less to do on the weekend. I'm relaxing right now.
I do have an appt to get botox in my underarms (i do it approx every 6 months because i have hyperhydrosis - excessive sweating and i used to only wear black shirts because i would get very wet under my arms...). so happy to get that done hopefully today - the pimple under my armit is almost gone away. hopefully it doesn't stall the botox and the dr will go thru with it. Accidlentally they forgot to order me the botox so they did some pimple extractions...but i have to go back for it...at least today's a really nice & relaxing day.
Having dinner with my best friend. She's spending the day with her mom i think and said she'd stop by me on the way home for dinner. Looking foward to seeing her as we haven't met up in 2 1/2 weeks or so - this weekend would have been 3 weeks since i last saw her. seeing her on weekend, not today.
I have been eating all kinds of stuff i've had at home & i slept in well (sleeping pill). I do plan to sleep extra tonight also. Like i mention quite often, the extra sleep is helping my body repair itself with the strenuous workouts that i do.
10:30/11am: plums 100, and kombucha 30.
11am-12pm: brunch - Arctic Zero butter pecan frozen dessert - one cup 150 cal (leftover half a pint), chips 200, and half package of bacon jerky 150. 500. satisfying. also drinking lots of seltzer with stevia and i want to buy more seltzer soon - either today or friday or something.
total today so far: around 650.
2pm almost: cooked veggies, another plum 250
early dinner: veggies in sort of a heavier sauce, but healthy veggies. 300? and ice cream 300. 600 total.
plum 50.
1550. and ice cream. total is 1750 - good!
back to work Thursday.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
but also it's a problem i've had my whole life. I think it's part of me really being an introvert.
Introverts crave time alone to recharge...i just have a hard time always being energized and sometimes it takes it toll on me.
I tend to get overly run down and not have enough time to recharge. It was a problem for me even as a teacher many years ago - but didn't matter then because there is a lot of vacation time. but now, when i let myself reach my lowest, i just can't anymore - because there's no time off.
1760 4-day average. excellent.
Around 1900 today.
little walking during work - 20 min?
great weights routine.
Not a good week for me so far at work though.
Taking tomorrow off to sleep in, go to an appointment & meet friend here at my place to go out to dinner.
I don't see myself doing much tomorrow aside from the appointment & dinner.
I'm NOT in a great place right now.
I'm very tired.
Exhausted feeling.
And in general restless and angry.
I hate not having a lot of time off at this job.
Tomorrow should be good to have alone time.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Morning at home: new very low cal sparkling vinegar drink in tart cherry lol....is good and does the trick! this my be my new thing! ? 20 cal. and stevia in seltzer.
Work: coffee.....light wrap with cream cheese & lox and green tea too.
snack: granola type bar but really natural & healthy 160
Light lunch also: cauliflower with some roasted broccoli 100, 50 for cauliflower, and sauteed mashed pumpkin with some oil 100-150, and a meatball! 100? ...coffee...needing carbs...feeling so down (i know why though - not enough sleep). 450 for lunch? so tasty.
...gonna make it a GOOD day.
2pm Plum = 50 and seltzer with stevia during work - 2pm. - CRAVINGS galore my gosh...missing my boss!?............
4pm a small protein bar (was too hungry at work)
1100 before dinner.
around 1850 monday....i think? did this get deleted?
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
keeps the bowels moving in MORNING before work....clears me out usually...!!!!!!!
I guess i just need to keep my well-being in mind MORE....and make sure to rest more???? I am not sure. It must be in my head.
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Sounds like a well balance day - enjoy J.
it is :)...
was happy to cook this AM!
got everything prepared and now it's not spoiling & i dont have to spend $$$$$$
it was so easy...there's no reason i can't keep cooking! i will be cooking meats i think down the road...
innerpeace on 08/31/2016:
Do you have to apply for the academy? Have you already been accepted? Is admittance a sure thing? Sorry I know how hard you work for your plan, didn't know if it was open to anyone who applied and was qualified.
Already 90% in...just need to take a physical running exam. yes, i did the 90% of the application already. took all the tests.
Duaa123. on 08/31/2016:
Good and healthy food choosing today Horn.. it is healthy with good total calories and it is healthier to cooked kind of vegtables and using olive oil . Keep doing this healthy habits
thank you...i am excited to eat the okra tomorrow at my lunch that i cooked this morning but didn't try yet. i think it will taste excellent because i used EXTRA oil ... thanks Duaa. I hope to cook more now with the veggies and stop buying precooked all the time. i don't want to be so lazy anymore.
grannyannie on 09/01/2016:
Good choices, and ice cream has calcium, right?! Good calories.
hehe...it must...actually first ingredient in this TASTY brand is Skim Milk...but the ice cream is good...trust me, i've had really bad ice cream!