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InnerPeace - Thursday Jan 04, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Cold here in Cleveland as well. Lots of school closings and business closings - yet I work.

Girl is out of school today and tomorrow- there should be no reason she shouldn't get her book read. DH had her reading when I got home, she wasn't happy, I wasn't happy and he sure wasn't happy. If she is not finished with that book I am tempted to refuse to help her with that stupid presentation! DH text the POS mom and all she said was " she can work on it with you this weekend" WTF!! And then DH is like, "sorry, I can't be of more help!" Excuse me...is it MY job to help your daughter? Is this expected of me now? OMG so, so frustrated.

I've always been told that if someone doesn't want to learn, you can't make them. If someone want's to learn, you can't stop them. Well it is sorely apparently this child has no initiative to learn, no self discipline to make herself read this book! All she said was, "I didn't realize this book was so hard, next time I will read an easier one." She is in 7th grade and the book is a 5th grade reading level. Priorities!!

Anyway, I let them know what I thought and argument ensued with DH and then the little heifer didn't even say goodbye when she left. But I'm supposed to be the bigger person and help? WTFE!! I could surely say, Not my kid, not my problem right now!

Dinner was good. Salmon, asparagus (which was ok, sure has a woody fibrous texture I was not too sure about, but I ate it) quinoa - 476 caloriers

Ended the day with 1359 calories. I'm ok with this. Following the eatingwell plan so far, except for my added milk and iced latte in the mornings.

Overslept big time this am, didn't roll out of bed until 6;22, makes for me to have to really rush around.

B: non fat greek yogurt, blueberries, walnuts - 164 calories

L: quinoa, black brean bowl with avocado and salsa with hummus dressing - nice little lunch bowl. I wasn't sure whether to eat it cold or warm it up. I warmed it up. It was very tasty. - 380 calories.

Again I'm just amazed at the creativity of people and putting food together. This is so much better than the same ham and cheese sandwich we would throw together for everyday!

S: yellow peppers, hummus - 90 calories

D: tonight should be baked/grilled chicken and salad.

Try and keep warm out there! IP

 

Just asked my boss if I could go to my Move Program. He said I could come in thrity minutes early, each day and use that 2 hours for my program on Monday. I am at least excited for now. We will see how it all works out. My new fear is that I'm going to be in a room with a bunch of old veteran men and I'll have to reach deep down and find my 'crass-BS-talking self', but maybe not!

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/04/2018:
Your meals do look good!!! I totally agree with you theory on learning.....it makes all of the sense in the world. I think you will find that her interest in books will improve if she starts reading books about what her interests are,I'm not sure if this book was assigned...but if she is free to choose..then she needs to do some soul searching and choose something she has a real interest in....I think that will help....the other possibility is that she has given you the job of pushing her...and she waits for the orders to be given. I will say...junior high is my least favorite age group....


Donkey on 01/04/2018:
I look forward to your food pics every day. Looks so tasty!


horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2018:
Hello InnerP:

Sorry you had to work also! To maybe make you feel like you aren’t the only one working, my sister did go to work yesterday in NYC. She lives in NYC and commutes using public trans to her office also in NYC. So, despite myself being off, and my dad’s work closing early, my sister was at work all day yesterday.…

I agree with you – tell her you will only help her when she’s done with the book and she needs to finish it on your terms. Explain to her a good way to read the book is in half hour chunks with breaks. Let her read a half hour and go on FB for a half hour…she has to learn to work and be allowed a break and then go back to work….but help her get it done…within reason…and tell her she needs to finish and give her an appropriate deadline…I’m in full agreement with you and definitely NOT her mom…

NO JOKE – here at work people are discussing the word you just used “heffer!” they are saying it’s a 1994 word…not sure why…lol, I consider it an ok word for now….not sure why it’s not….but my coworkers are not the smartest of the bunch….so I’ll just say Heffer is a fine word to use nowadays lol….

Dinner of the salmon and greens looks great. Regarding your desire to have milk and morning lattes: ENJOY! You don’t have to follow any plan to the “T.” There’s always a little wiggle room. It’s not gonna cause weight gain and will still help your weightloss. KEEP ON. Nothing needs to be perfect. Remember this. You are doing GREAT! Proud of you!

Don’t take the little girl seriously. She’s acting like any other complacent kid when it comes to studying. But yes, impose your limits on her…but with moderation. Explain to her how she can read, then take a break for facebook or lunch, then go back. HALF HOUR increments. Maybe say she can watch a movie on weekend at home with you guys, if she finishes the book and book report earlier than expect. REWARD good choices – make it a good thing to get work done. You got this. KEEP ON, Innerp!

your cooking looks outstanding! yum yum yum! great photos!


happy-1 on 01/05/2018:
Have you guys tried taking turns reading aloud? Passing it around to hear the next section? If she's having learning /studying problems, sometimes the issue is overcoming inertia. If you or her dad help her get started for 15 minutes, she might be able to finish her homework herself.

Innerpeace on 01/06/2018:
I just think she picked a book she ended up not liking. It was like having to read Uncle Tom's Cabin in school, you really didn't want to, so actually reading it was tortuous.



InnerPeace - Wednesday Jan 03, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Day 3 - still trying to spin a way to propose my schedule change to my boss - hopefully I'll ask today. He just always looks so busy and I always feel I'm interrupting or imposing. But then sometimes I hear him talk about fantasy football, so I just need to listen and then go in right after that conversation.

I present to you...baked sweet potatoe with steamed kale and black beans with a hummus drizzle... OMG this was so, so good. Unbelievalby good. I mean who says, "hey let's mix this all together and see how it tastes." Whoever it was...I thank you.

Dinner: sweet potatoe, kale, black beans, hummus - 282 calories

Ended the night with 1345 calories. I could have had some cucumber slices afterward but instead I just went to bed. It was so cold.

The good news...no humming and I slept very good, especially with DH being home another night.

B: toast, peanut butter, 1/2 banana - 252 calories

L: mixed greens, goat cheese, figs, almond salad with balsamic vinegrette - again - I would never dream of eating this on my own, and it was very, very good. suprised by the tanginess of the goat cheese, but so good.

Tonight is salmon, quinoa and asparagas. Not sure about this asparagus thing, but I bought it, so I'm going to eat it.

The girl didn't have school today, too cold. So hopefully she read a lot, we will see.

Have a great evening - stay warm IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/03/2018:
The nutrition in those meals was through the roof.....good going!!!!!



InnerPeace - Tuesday Jan 02, 2018

Weight: 303.7

It was miserable to get back to work this morning. I was awake I know three times last night and what do I hear...a loud @ss humming noise, I swear it was even louder during the quiet of the night. This morning at breakfast, I told DH I hope those people call you back, I can't listen to this anymore. He went outside and turned it off. And then I heard a hissing noise, so I'm like WTH is that? The hum stopped and now there's a loud hissing I have to deal with. A loud hum or hiss, which one? Anyway, I walked into the kitchen and it was the electric tea kettle. LOL, so tonight should be pretty quiet...and I could die of Radon gas poisoning. DH is like there wasn't a vent in this house for 15 years, I'm sure we'll be OK, until the people come and check on it.

I still haven't got the nerve up to ask my boss if I could leave to participate in the VA Move program - it is during work on Monday's and I would be gone about 2 hours. I would change my schedule to compensate for the time away, I just don't want to use my sick leave or annual leave AND I don't want anyone to b!tch about it! that is really what I'm concerned about...other people's nose in my business. First class is next Monday.

Our biggest loser competition we signed up for was posponed until 1/13/18 - because of low enrollment. I guess we'll see if this kicks off or not.

So the girl will be in hot water this weekend if she doesn't get her book read. I've been on her before Christmas break to read, but she hasn't. I made her read over 100 pages when she was here last weekend. I talked to her last night, she's only read 30 additional pages. She has over 140 to go and I just don't think she'll get it finished to complete her book report this weekend. Again, I blame this on her selfish mother who doesn't push her to excel...at anything but flipping through the iphone! And then when I make her read, she has plans and needs to leave early! OK whatever, how about you take all the book report home to your mother and ya'll work on it there! Leave me out of it, but I know I just can't do that!

B: oat meal (cooked in the crock pot); raspberries and a little maple syrup - 228 calories

L: pita pocket (1 whole - 2 halves) with apple, cheddar, mixed greens and some balsamic vinegarette - 534 calories _ (I couldn't remember if I used one slice of cheese or two, so I counted two)

S: boiled egg

D: baked sweet potato, black beans, kale with a hummus drizzle

S: sliced cucumber if needed

Drank more water today and stayed out of the breakroom.

Have a great night! IP

Yes, yes I am devestated and heart broken that my Sooners lost in doublt OT - they tried and just couldn't pull it out!

 

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/02/2018:
We had the radon problem at our house downstate for 32 years....I wonder if that's a midwest thing...because it's hard to escape it in Michigan I know...we have never tested for it here...and we have a wood basement.....we never did have a radon vent.


horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
LOL wishing you NO NOISE tonight girlie!

excellent healthy eating. make sure to eat enough.

GREAT food food. very healthy and nice and not inflammatory.

i am working also on eating better...although tonight it'll be takeout....so i can cook without being hungry!



InnerPeace - Monday Jan 01, 2018

Weight: 303.7

Happy New Year! I don't think it got about 14 degrees here so I basically have been holed up in the house for the last three days.

I did venture outside to see if I could find where an annoying noise is coming from. I think last Tuesday I woke up thinking someone was snowblowing, but then the noise never stopped, so then I thought someone was hooked up to a generator. Today I drove around the block and couldn't hear it, so I walked around in my back yard and finally found it. It is from a Raydon gas vent that was installed in my house. I called the people today to see if they can send someone out to make it stop. It's just a loud annoying humming noise that gets on my last nerve. Think of if someone is mowing no stop about two housing down, that is what it sounds like.

So DH and I started the healthy eating today. Today was OK. just OK. Sometimes I'm not sure if DH is serious or he just says sh!t to p!ss me off!

B: yogurt, blackberries, walnuts - 164 calories

S: hummus, red pepper slices - 80 calories

L: toast, canillini beans, avocado and spring mix - this was very tasty - 307 calories

D: chicken in light cream sauce with mushrooms and onions and roasted cauliflower - 503 calories

Ended the day with 1,054 calories - This may seem low, but I am not hungry and I can still eat another snack if needed.

We are following the January Jumpstart from eatingwell.com

I received a call from my son in Georgia and his marriage is not doing well, he called and his wife was really upset. After talking to them for about an hour, I don't think anything was resolved, but before midnight I got a text telling me everything was OK, now. I just hope they work things out. I worry about him and wish I could see him.

Anyway, I am very hopeful for a healithier 2018.

IP

 

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 01/01/2018:
After those pics we are all headed to your house for dinner.


BearCountryGG on 01/01/2018:
The pics look delish.......You can do this...even if hubby isn't into it...


horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
Great you found the noise! I also commented on your other entry. Your cooking looks fantastic. Speaking of cauli, i'm making cauliflower fried rice tonight (but without the other frozen veg bc i didn't buy them...) so just cauli fried rice. YUM.

take care.....good that things are ok with your son for now and his wife. marriage takes WORK.



InnerPeace - Sunday Dec 31, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I'm glad Christmas is over.

Been eating like a pig to get back on the wagon tomorrow. Lots of changes coming up for the new year, I can only hope it will last longer than a week.

Happy New Year to you all.

IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/31/2017:
Happy to see you and to be back here again, I've been celebrating since Christmas eve myself....tomorrow is a new beginning.


Donkey on 12/31/2017:
So happy to be back online -- all of us :-) This week has definitely been a challenge. I did not do so well either eating-wise, but that's what New Year's goals are for, I suppose ;-)


happy-1 on 01/01/2018:
You're on a great trend and you will rock it more this year for sure!


horn_of_plenty on 01/02/2018:
Happy New Year, InnerP....so nice that you are on and we are all back where we left off over here on DD!

The cold mixed with being home more on holiday season leads to eating...let's all get back on track - including me!



InnerPeace - Thursday Dec 21, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I appreciate each of your responses to my last rant. I think I took something away from each of them. I am so consumed with myself and how I functions, I don't neccesarily think about others and how they operate.

Pre Note to my post today. Last week DH was going upstairs and he smelled an odor. He looked and looked and finally decided to take out all the bathroom trash and wash the garbage pails. He still smelled it. Now, I'm not one to go up and offer to smell a stink, so I stayed down stairs. LOL Finally on his way back downstairs he stops in the guest bathroom (this is the bathroom the girl uses) and the toilet was not flushed. So that was an easy fix. Nasty but an easy fix. We have told her several times, this is unacceptable.

Anyway, when I get home DH had cooked hotdogs for dinner, not my favorite, but I eat it. So I tell the girl to go and get a shower and we would go and shop for DH for Christmas. So she does. When she is finished, about an hour later, DH and I are sitting downstairs and she comes into the room and DH starts with the, hey will you go and push the level in the bathroom (the powerder room 1/2 bath downstairs). So the girl goes into the bathroom and flushes the toilet. DH says, OH OK I just wanted to make sure you know how to do that. This is nice and for some reason it irritates me. SO I'm like, yeah, you didn't flush the toilet last week and it was nasty. You are nasty and you need to go upstairs and flush the toilet now, to ensure there is no nasty left in it. AND THEN by the way, you tub is nasty. I showed you and cleaned it with you the last time. She has enough nerve to tell me she didn't know what to use to clean the tub. This sets me off, SERIOUSLY!!! I told her I bet she didn't leave the tub like that at her mom's house with five other people using the bathroom. She is the only one that uses the bathroom, so she is the nasty one! She really wasn't appreciative of my critism, but sense my son and his wife may or may not come up, I will now have to scrub the bathroom to at least be presentable to someone other than the nasty girl. She is just lazy! and NASTY! And then I go off on DH too because he, being a man, for some reason can't freaking p!ss in a basketball size hole and drips on the floor and he too is NASTY. I'm not cleaning up other peoples' crap when they can do it themselves. OMG

Anyway, the girl and I go shopping and I am finally finished Christmas shopping. So, so glad for that!

D: hotdog (ball park frank), bun, ketchup, mustard

Dessert:: 1 cup of ice cream

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

L: yogurt, blackberries, granola, apple

S: balanced breaks

Kinda missing my mom today.

No word from son yet...I'm just assuming this is going to be a NO.

 

Have a great night IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
We had a foster/adopted daughter who did the samething....had her own bathroom upstairs...and stairway was in the dining room....smell drifting downstairs...and I went up to find a literal swamp...( and no toilet paper!!!!!!!)....took that problem to her therapist...it's not a good sign. Same kid..wanted to use Dennys shower..he said ok...but DO NOT put water in the shampoo....and of course she DID! Same kid came home and burned something in her bathroom, I smelled the smoke....smoke coming from sink drain, burned paper in toilet...and plastic waste basket melting as we stood there..and she denied the whole thing...said it was already on fire when she took it out of her back pack ( dang backpack)....


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
I just read your response to me...I get it...he drops by work daily...that's cute. I thought he only did it when he was upset with you....So it is a good thing!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
yeah, you just seem a bit more structured than the other folks you live with - cheers to you on that one! :)

Enjoy your Christmas shopping with girlie...and enjoy since this time of year only comes by once each year LOL.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2017:
Keep giving the girl your love bc she does look like a sweetheart to me!!!! <3



InnerPeace - Wednesday Dec 20, 2017

Weight: 303.7

Another Rant!

Man vs. Woman

I don't know if it's from my military training or just my way of thinking or just because I'm a woman and think faster than a man or what, but I am labeled a control freak and I'm trying to analyze just how I got that label or if I was called that because...OMG I am totally right.

For instance there are items in area A that need to get to area B. There is also an item in area B that need to be in area A. So big doofus DH grabs two items from A carries them to B, walks back to A and gets the other two items and carries them to B. Then he picks up the item from B and carries it to A. And I ask why didn't you just bring back that item from B when you came back from dropping off the first two items? Oh, I know because maybe that takes too much brain power to even think about? Snarky comment, didn't go over to well.

Instance number two, DH is leaving for work and is going to his truck. My initial thought is that he can take some postcards to the mailbox, get his his truck and leave. However, DH sighs heavily takes the postcards and walks to the mailbox and comes back into the house, grabs his coffee and his lunch and then goes to his truck. Again, why:?  Is this just a man thing? It is so inefficient and wastes so much time and effort and energy. Or is it because he couldn't carry the coffee, postcards and lunch bag in two hands...seriously?

Instance number three. Unloading the dishwasher. DH will make ten trips back and forth from the dishwasher to areas in the kitchen. I am thankful and grateful he is even unloading the dishwasher, but not when it takes twenty minutes and he is in my way for seventeen minutes of them. I ask why can't he just take the silverware tray out of the dishwasher and carry it with him and make one trip? And then he does it....he yells at me. YOU ARE SUCH A CONTROL FREAK!! What difference does it make as long as it gets done? Why am I always doing things wrong? You do things your way and I'll do things the way I do them...and just because it's not your way, doesn't make it the wrong way!" Oh but he was screaming at me.

WOW...am I just dillusional? It's OK, be honest, these are the things I need to know, because I'm thinking I'm just being practical and the old concept of "work smarter, not harder" comes to mind. But what it really comes down to is, while you are walking five miles in my kitchen unloading the dishwasher, you overcooked my eggs!  What a waste! - I didn't say that, but that is why it bothered me. He was cooking eggs for dinner at the time.

Men suck!

At work I had one volunteer to assist with the recent inventory I did. Oh wow, thanks! That would be so helpful. I really do not want to walk to the other building and look for inventory stickers. He says, I'll go and I'll take pictures of the numbers. Wow...thanks!

Two days later, I ask, hey did you get those pictures? Oh yeah, hey I'll read them off to you. He flips through pictures on his phone, grumbles, flips through some more pictures, cusses, bad mouths iPhone and how crappy it is, stupid phone, worthless piece of crap. Well nevermind, these pictures are so blurry I can't even read the letters. My iphone works great, maybe it is just the operator! Anyway, I walk out and do the inventory myself, because I'm such a control freak and my iphone pictures are just fine by the way!...or maybe because men are worthless pieces of crap.

Anyway, after all of this I have to think long and hard and my reply was...I realize awful stuff about myself around you. I'm always trying to improve me and who I am! Not just do everything the same and just leave it as that because I'm just ok and it works. YOU, YOU be OK. I'm going to improve everyday and become the best person I can be. You, YOU just continue to do you and waste your time, energy, effort and do things the hard way. @sshat! J@ckhole!

D: two eggs, freakin' way too much bacon, toast

S: cream cheese

I wrapped some more presents last night, maybe will get finished tonight, after the girl comes over and I harrass her about getting her book read, because it's apparent her mother won't!. AND this nasty girl will be scrubbing her bathtub incase other people beside her need to use it. And again, she said this nastiness in the tub, doesn't bother her!! OMG!

Not looking forward to Christmas, I would rather not see the YA again nor his skanky GF, but I will put on the happy face and be a gracious hostess. No work yet from my son whether or not he is coming up.

B: iced vanilla latte

S: yogurt, blackberries, granola

L: left over cheese ball, crackers

D: I have no clue - probably whatever the girl wants and what's not too difficult for my tired, over worked, under paid, exhausted, I work harder than everyone else DH to throw together!

I will get through this day too! IP

 PS. so DH just dropped by my work and now I feel bad because I hurt his feelings. I guess I will go see my friendly therapist to get ideas on how to relate to someone who is just not on my level - meaning I feel I go out of my way to do the best and I have to be OK with someone who does enough to just get by. Kind of like do it right the first time, no matter how hard it is, instead of doing it over and over again because it's easy and works for five minutes. This will surely be a long, long day! And then again what if it is his best and there is no hope for improvement. So very sad for me. And I'm eating cake to cope, so, so perfect!

 

 

 

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
An old Dr Phil quote comes to mind right now........"we can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves"........When I get frustrated with someone...I force myself to find something right about what they are doing, that is bothering me so much...in this case I would look at all of the extra exercise he is getting making several trips...he also may be doing it just to get your attention...you know...how kids would rather be yelled at than be ignored? Men are truly just big kids.....Denny sometimes says words wrong just because he knows how much it irritates me....I know he is doing it on purpose because if I correct him...he will instantly say it wrong again.....so now I ignore it....some day he will say something stupid in public...and embarrass himself and I will feel vindicated. There is nothing like a grown man talking baby talk...UGH! I totally get what you are saying....it's frustrating, they look stupid, we look like shrews.......I've learned to ignore it because if it gets them attention then we are encouraging it...if they want to act or be stupid it's on them...LOL ( we are just with stupid.>>>>>>>.) I've learned to encourage the behaviour I like....( it's like raising a giant kid)


happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
LOL. I make 10 trips to do something and burn the eggs. I know from all the ADHD classes that it's a cognitive thing around "transitions"... That when transitioning from one task to another my brain literally has to reorganize itself so for about 20 minutes I do things inefficiently because the path that information travels on shrinks from a garden hose to a coffee stirrer. It's not only ADHD that does this... there can be a lot of different brain things that create that effect. It's not being "stupid", it's just a difference in hardware processing. You're an object-oriented system (multi-threaded, reused objects) and he's an embedded system (single thread, functional), so to speak. Different engineering, different purposes.

And I KNOW I'm not dumb even if it looks that way on the outside to a lot of people and I don't pull off all the things I know I am capable of. I test high enough to get into MENSA.

I do know that when someone in my life makes me feel dumb, I don't drop them or stop talking to them, but I do start looking for a new friend so that I feel better about myself and try to heal so I can face back up to them... Feeling dumb and "less than" is worse than an other feeling I can feel in any relationship, friendship, family tie. I need to go somewhere else / to someone else to work that out. For me, that's this forum, and my online counselor. For him that is...??????

The other thing is that every time someone has a bad interaction with you it takes 15 positive interactions to erase that bad feeling. So think about it this way... Every time you try to "improve him" you will have to do 15 things to make him feel better. So you just create more work for yourself to get things back on track.

Are burned eggs really that bad? At least someone was there and wanted to make you eggs, even if they burned them.


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2017:
well, regarding the above, it's always better to do things yourself if you want them done to your total liking or way of thinking...otherwise, expect them not to measure up completely.


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2017:
for the photos, i don't think he took them....otherwise, take your husband's mannerisms lightly...not to heart!

keep doing the great things, Jo!


bearcountrygg on 12/20/2017:
I have a tendency to think that we do what we think we can get away with...if it's really important...then wild horses couldn't tear us away from it...but if it's not important, we may do the minimum and let it go. And I think we also use crutches and excuses and reasons why...but bottom line is...we aren't motivated for 1 reason or another. More than anything else you mentioned...I was most alarmed that he keeps going to your work when he is upset, that is a new thing to me...I would never have dropped in at Dennys work or he mine. I really think he is looking for attention.

innerpeace on 12/21/2017:
Well he comes by every morning, if he doesn't stop by, I would see him for a whole 3 hours a day. He says seeing me in the morning is a treat. I am just getting to work and he is leaving work and my work place is on his way home. He used to bring me Diet Dr. Pepper and donuts and other stuff I shouldn't have. That tapered off, now he says, he just comes for a kiss.


bearcountrygg on 12/21/2017:
OHHHHH...Okay.....that's different and nice!!!!! ' I thought he came by to bug you!



InnerPeace - Tuesday Dec 19, 2017

Weight: 303.7

Big to do at work yesterday. Christmas Party all the retirees come in and eat. So many people in such a little space makes for a warm area. Hot even. Very uncomfortable. And then a retiree who started before I was born trapped me and I couldn't get away, I had to listen and small talk. So out of my comfort zone. DH made an appearance but left quickly after eating. He is so uncomfortable around my work people.

I get home and was still full from the party food, so I ate a bit of left over cheese ball and a few meatballs for dinner. DH and I wrapped some Christmas presents, maybe will finish tonight. Sent four postcards out.

We did finish the inventory at work, so now all of my attention will go to the safety audit which is due next.

B: toast, peanut butter, iced vanilla latte

L: cheese pizza; ham

S: yogurt, blackberries

D: TBD not sure. I'm afraid to text DH and ask, he may still be sleeping.

Have a great night. IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/19/2017:
Company parties are usually uncomfortable for me too...those years are over for us...That's behind you now thankfully.


happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
I feel you. I hate parties too. And people. And hot rooms. I'd have been crawling the walls. Love Habitat for Humanity, hate church for the same reasons.


happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
I also wonder why there is never a craft table for grownups at these things? Keep your hands busy so your brain isn't racing around like a trapped cat?

innerpeace on 12/20/2017:
OMG that is the best idea ever!! I will have to look in to this.


happy-1 on 12/20/2017:
Saw on another post you have too much frozen chicken. If you have a ton of frozen chicken and any of it is boneless / skinless... try making hot wing dip! Yummy and easy in the slow cooker. Goes well with celery and hot paleo biscuits.



InnerPeace - Monday Dec 18, 2017

Weight: 303.7

I have been keeping busy.

DH and I finally got our Christmas Tree up, so now we just have to wrap all the presents, I will get that started tonight.

I still haven't heard if my son is driving up or not, if he does I will have more to do. I always put that saran wrap ball together with snacks and money, its a great game and everyone loves it... but if he doesn't, I will have mail his and his wife's gifts to them.

So I called and talked to my telehealth worker today and along with the daily calls, I will get to go into the clinic on Monday and have a class from 11:00-noon, this starts January 8. Also I signed DH and I up for a biggest loser challege that is being organized in the next town over. It runs until March 31st. That cost us $35 a piece...a Christmas present. So I'm very excited to get this all started and hopefully one of the things will kick in and I can benefit with the motivation.

With all that being said, I haven't ate very good for anything.

I will start tracking again tomorrow...Now I have just got to go talk to my boss and ask him if I can leave every Monday for a few hours.

Hope you are all getting ready or are ready for the holidays.

IP

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/18/2017:
Saw your tree pics on facebook....very pretty!



InnerPeace - Thursday Dec 14, 2017

Weight: 303.7

OH people....I would say what else can happen in my life, but I'm afraid to even wonder. So a few things that hinder my weight loss journey...I was stupid enough to order clothes from the internet. I was being liberal and ordered a 3X because I'm running around a 2X or 1X, yeah, that didn't work. Everything I ordered is too small. This must be 3X for Asian sized people because I couldn't wear any of it...so, so depressing!

And then, I left work early because I had minor stomach issues and didn't want to sit at work and run back and forth to the toilet so I went home. Once home I slept. When I woke up I realized I didn't have my phone and looked and looked. Finally I decided to call my office and see if I left it on my desk - not that I would go back and get it, I just wanted to be sure I didn't lose it. So I pick up DH's phone and it is open to messenger. I just happen to notice 'good morning princess" WTH...this irritates me, so I read on and the girl he is talking to is telling him all about her horrible marriage, her suicidal tendacies and woe is me. So I am almost furious, but I just call my office, and yes my phone is there, so I thank them and hang up.

As I am sitting there looking out the window, I just feel so crushed, sad. I guess it shows on my face because DH asks what is wrong. I tell him nothing, because I'm just not ready to deal with this. We eat dinner and he says, you look sad. Well gee thanks!!

And so it goes, we eat, sit there for about an hour and half, he is messing around with his phone and I am watching TV and doing a crossword puzzle, then the time comes and he goes to bed.

We have food that is going bad so I decide to bake some things. We had a container of croissants that was starting to mold, so I crumbled them up and made a bacon and egg quiche for lunch and then I made a lemon, blueberry cheesecake bread pudding thing. Of course it all turned out delicious and I didn't throw the croissants out.

While I was waiting on the oven to finish, I picked up DH's phone again and this particular conversation with this person was gone. It was just not on his phone anymore, so he knew. and/or was trying to cover something up.

Anyway, he goes to work and because I took a nap I stayed up and watched the movie Shooter and didn't go to bed until 2:00 a.m. I was contemplating life.

So this morning, I sent DH an email:

​I thought long and hard before sending this email...

Why do you suppose I looked sad, what do you think would have made me sad all of a sudden? I could have said something then, but I just wasn't in a position to deal with all the bullsh1t, I would have heard.

First thing is, I don't want you to feel I was checking up on you or spying. I just went to use your phone to call my office, my work, and your messenger was open.

Second thing is, I don't care who you talk to using messenger. What bothers me is you feel you need to call someone princess.

Thirdly, it IS NOT your job to make anyone else feel better, so why you choose to use this terminology just blows my mind, especially with all the sexual inappropriateness going on in the world, oh yeah, and for the small fact that you are married!

Fourthly, if you feel you need to be with your princess, then hit the road. If your princess provides you the emotional support that you need, than I encourage you to go and be with her.

Lastly, I'm not going to play games, if you want to go...go, don't hang around just because you feel I need you, because buddy, I have and can take care of myself, I have done it before and will have no problem doing it again, and

I will not put up with it, I am too old to be going through this sh*t again, and this time, I will f*ck someone up!

End it with your princess or get the f*ck out of my life! And if this term of endearment ever escapes your mouth when you talk to me ever and I mean ever... I will f*cking punch in the face.

That is all!
 
DH shows up at my work and swears he has done nothing wrong. Oh OK, so you go around and call everyone Princess? WTFE!!
 
I hate men they all suck!
 
This...this is my life, maybe I over react, but I refuse to go through the sneaking around and lying crap again, that is what my first marriage was all about and I'm just too old for this BS.
And you lucky people get to read all about it, because journaling is good for the soul!
And I'm sick of Christmas music all ready and it as been on for 30 minutes.
 
Have a great night and I will talk more about dieting tomorrow or whenever I can function properly again.
 

Progress as of today: 17.9 lbs lost so far, only 93.7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/14/2017:
Hugs. That would crush me too. Good on you for being willing to go it alone instead of trying to "win him back"... which def isn't winning. You do so much for him and his kids. You've always been very strong. Big hugs.


bearcountrygg on 12/14/2017:
Men are such IDIOTS!!!!! I just so want to give you a hug right now!!!! He needs to stay out of her horrible marriage, her suicidal tendencies and her life in general...She is trying to get her hooks into him to rescue her and he wants to save the Princess....UGHHHHH...I want to strangle him myself! This so reminds me of a friends husband who after 23 years, and 3 kids...got involved with a coworker because they had something in common ( both of their mothers died of cancer)....well whop de do!! His answer was that he wanted both of them, they divorced. He married the other woman who kept trying to send him back to his first wife... Well...I'm on your side....sounds like you scared him...hope he's home shaking in his boots right now. Hope you can still have a good day. Write all you want here...you need to unload.


biscottibody59 on 12/15/2017:
A hug from me to you:-)

Ugh--"princess" is a bit too far I think. I don't know if you can believe anything that may come out of his mouth. If he and you decide to stay together, please get some counseling.

You've invested and given so much of yourself (the girl for one) and it would be nice to have a REAL commitment from him to proceed. Otherwise you're right-on that you can go it alone!

Take good care of yourself! Hope you get some time to soothe yourself!

ps The good thing is you have your job/income to walk away with. Do you get VA disability by chance? I meant to ask you when you had that episode at the store, but I've been so bad about commenting (much less posting).

I have a relative and a friend--both female--who have some form of their VA disability because of the effects of exposure to oil fires, incinerating contaminated waste/clothing, etc with no protective gear during the first Gulf War.

innerpeace on 12/18/2017:
Thanks. No, don't get disability. You need a freakin' PHD to apply and get approved anymore. I just had a physical when I left active duty and they deemed my injuries and claims as 0%, so I get VA care, but no disability, they said I could work.

I DH and I had a deep conversation and I did believe him when he said, he was just being nice. He is too nice for his own good. I had to tell him how lonely, mistreated women pray on nice guys like him.

I told him it's not his duty to make any other woman feel ok with her situation, that if he was calling anyone besides his wife, daughter or sister princess this was a big problem for me. He understood where I was coming from. So I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. And trust me when I say, I know for a fact he isn't cheating on me. I was just worried about the emotional stuff, but honestly I think he gets it.


Donkey on 12/16/2017:
I'm so sorry :-( I hope you and your husband can work through this. To repeat what Biscotti said, Be sure to take care of yourself in this time of pain. (((hugs)))

innerpeace on 12/18/2017:
Thank you. I appreciate your comment.



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