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Jen40 - Sunday Nov 22, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 159.0

I can't even describe the mixture of pain, sadness, loss and loneliness I feel. I am scared of what the future holds as far as making it financially. And most of all I am tired to the bone. I still run and walk, do pilates and weights. But I am just not hungry most of the time, and it seems eating or not eating is sometimes the only thing I have control over in my life. Size 12 pants are too big on me now, so I plan to go to thrift shops and get more jeans and work clothes in size 8/10.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

selina on 11/23/2009:
Hello Jen40, I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through a tough time. Warm hugs to you.

Donkey on 11/23/2009:
((((HUGS)))) I can only imagine the pain you are in. It will get better with time. You need time to heal. I'm glad you wrote about what you're going through.

Donkey on 11/27/2009:
Just dropping by on Friday to let you know I was thinking of you...

starfish on 12/30/2009:
big hugs

thinnside40 on 01/13/2010:
Jen ~ Take Care...It has been a while since this post, but thoughts & prayers are still with you....

I'm back at DD for as long as I can be at this time in my life and feeling a bit re-charged to get back to being healthy....

sweetpea1977 on 04/27/2010:
Hey Jen. I was going through all the old diaries tonight and saw your name and wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you. I hope you are doing ok. Hugs and love to you!

thinnside40 on 02/28/2012:
I have thought about you often and wonder how you are doing..... Hopefully you are o.k....

Jen40 - Thursday Nov 05, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 162.0

Divorce. Stress. Anxiety. It's hard to eat. I'm all wound up most of the time. I haven't been away (except when at work) from the kids in about 3 weeks.

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Jen40 - Sunday Oct 04, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 167.0



Just wondering why it is that I can exercise like crazy one day, not feel any pain at all for two days and then wham! I feel the burn in my legs and abs like you wouldn't believe! Anyone else know why there is such a delay???

Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

mskitty on 10/05/2009:
Did you keep stretching on the off days? If you warm up the muscle first with a few jumping jacks and lunges and then go into stretching I hear this lessons those types of aches and pains that can come days after. I try to do a little 5 min stretch in the morning everyday and I don't get those types of pains anymore.

hollybelle on 10/06/2009:
I don't know, either. The stretches MsKitty suggests seem like a good idea. It seems like lately everything I do causes pain somewhere in my body LOL!

hollybelle on 10/06/2009:
P.S. Just caught up on the rest of your diary posting and all that is going on with you. Stay safe. Best wishes - just try to remember - this too shall pass. Sometimes I am best under stress. I hope that will be the case for you.

biscottibody59 on 10/08/2009:
Hope you've figured it out by now. My 2cents would be to make sure you are wearing good shoes. My recommendation (because it has worked for me for a number of years now) is to go to a specialty running shoe store and get fitted. Maybe you've tried this.

All I know is that after age 40 (and now 50) I can sometimes get some of the oddest aches and pains, most are not lingering. Other than that, you may be overdoing it if you are just going into a "zone" while working out and listening to music, so that you aren't paying attention to feelings of overdoing it.

Keep up the good work!

Jen40 - Friday Oct 02, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 169.0

I realize my weight loss is fueled by anger, resentment, fear, loss, insecurity,sadness,.... so many negative feelings. I am starting to wonder if perhaps I have crossed over into that "eating disorter' zone, and then at other times I think so what if I have??? This is the most difficult time in my life so far. It's no wonder I am looking for something I can control. This mediation/divorce seemed like such a good idea only months ago and now I am coming up against some major walls~ money, having to continue living with my husband, complicated feelings~ everything tells me this is going to end badly. Living in a powder keg so to speak. He does not want to let me go. I'm calling my girls at Haven House to discuss what I might do.... I am not in immediate danger or anything like that. I just feel the potential is there still.

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 10/02/2009:
You take care!..... Anger can fuel a lot of emotions that possibly can come back to haunt... "Haven House" sounds like a good idea to work with to get you through..We used to have a place here called that too...

Praying for you & your family Jen.....

Jen40 - Thursday Oct 01, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 170.0

Well on my way to reaching goal #2. I'm so busy I hardly feel like I am trying. Sometimes I completely forget to eat. I have to work on that. When I am stressed out, food is the last thing I go for. I escape to books, music, friends, and cuddling with my kids.

Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2009:
its a great thing you don't run to food when stressed! that is a smart move i hope you realize that. don't worry so much about the eating/food part. there is so much food around here in the US it's not like food is a far reach away when you realize you're hungry anyways! :-) but i do hope your stress dies down a bit.

Jen40 - Tuesday Sep 29, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 172.0

Ovulation.... the time of month that I hold water like you would not believe! Ugh... I have been eating perfectly and working out and still I am up by about 4 lbs and feel so bloated.

It's been pouring rain here, but last night I did a pilates workout indoors~ core muscles got an intense workout and felt fabulous afterward. I hope it feels this good still in the morning. I did a lot of leg work and then some weights too~ for 40 minutes! Music is my motivator. I can do anything with headphones on!


Thanks all who comment. You help keep me going through this difficult time in my life. Between the divorce and problems with my kids and family, it's hard to focus on my  own needs but I am trying.to keep it all balanced.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 19 lbs to go!

legcramps on 09/29/2009:
I hold water like crazy, too. And it's ironic too that that's the time of the month where I seem to have more trouble drinking water. Hmm. You're doing great - good for you! :)

thinnside40 on 09/30/2009:
You know what it is, so there aren't any worries.... Keep up the good workouts and the water will soon be gone....

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/30/2009:
you know, i must be in that phase too, i tend to eat more, i think...lol.

Jen40 - Friday Sep 25, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 172.0

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 19 lbs to go!

legcramps on 09/25/2009:
Great job with the running! :)

glycrina on 09/25/2009:
time to go shopping to get some cute jeans. I have a member ship to Sam's club and sometimes they have Calvin Kleins or Nine West jeans for about $22!! I bought 3 pair!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/25/2009:
you go girl! i am really excited for you to be able to continue your weightloss journey! do NOT stop! and i am SO with you! this is my year, especially till January '10. I will have my goal met by the New Year and before it most certainly. I am so happy to be on my way!

Jen40 - Friday Sep 25, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 172.0

Did three miles last night. It's almost half running and half walking now. I just keep alternating ~ walk when I get winded and then run again till I feel I can't do anymore.... walk, run, walk, run.

Nothing fits... and I accidentally gave away to Goodwill my only pair of jeans that stil barely fit. Duh!!! Lol

I grew out my nails, so they look pretty. I have some decent makeup now. Pampering myself here and there with home pedicures, facials, you know just taking care of me a little more. It's amazing how it feels to be walking lighter and moving freely, not feeling sluggish or run down. And I get looks at work now when men used to just look through me!

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

evaopala on 09/28/2009:
Nice work on the running. Keep up the awesome work :)

Jen40 - Wednesday Sep 23, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 173.0

I DID IT!!! I reached my first goal and it feels.. it feels... FABULOUS!!! And scary. And exciting. and and and.....


I'm getting right on my second goal now. I am at 173 and aiming now for 153.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/23/2009:

glycrina on 09/23/2009:
WOW!!! THAT is inspiring.

thinnside40 on 09/23/2009:
Great Job...

Sorry to hear of all your troublesome times going on, but as long as you know your doing the right thing(s)..That helps...

mskitty on 09/25/2009:
YAY congrats! *throws a party*

weightlossyoyo on 09/25/2009:
Congrats! You are doing great! Hope I can join you soon!

evaopala on 09/25/2009:
Wow, you are a true inspiration. Thank you for being on diet diaries. Keep it up :D

Jen40 - Friday Sep 04, 2009
(Daily Exercise/ Low Calorie)
Weight: 176.0

Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

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