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OArecovery - Saturday Aug 24, 2019

Weight: 0.0

 Hi everyone. I am fully depressed about my body. I refused to go out last night because I am so ashamed of how I look - I actually bailed on a friend's birthday because I can't stand to look at myself let alone have others look at me. The trigger for this downward spiral was that I put on an old pair of jeans, that used to be loose, and I couldn't even fit them on. I felt so ashamed. I feel like i am not deserving of going out and having fun when I am so disgusted with myself. I know this may seem like an overreaction but it was genuine. I just felt so upset and so disgusted.

I am getting married in December and I am so lucky to have a partner who still finds me sexy amidst all the flab but I don't want to be like this anymore. I need help and I don't know where to get it..

I have been struggling with depression for a few months and I find that I am getting comfort in food and I am just ballooning. It's terrible and I don't know what to do. I have all the knowledge I need to sort myself out but absolutely no drive to do so.

And I am so angry at myself for all of this. 

Anyone have wisdom to share on how to get started?


Ps. Meal plan for the day

Out for breakfast, looked at the menu and the healthiest thing they have on their is a hash brown with mixed veg so going that route. 

Dinner - going to make a lekker chicke, feta and chickpea salad.

Seeing as I'm eating brekkie late will probably not have lunch but if I need a snack, there are some strawberries in the fridge. 

BearCountryGG on 08/25/2019:
Stress appears to be my worst enemy as well.......I do find that listing my daily foods , somethings posting pictures, and figuring the calories does help me keep accountable. Welcome to the group......you will find lots of support and encouragement here....

Donkey on 08/25/2019:
Welcome back!

I think, with myself, my first step has always been to start drinking more water. It seems to me that when my water is out of whack (meaning, not enough), it's a slippery slope from there.

happy-1 on 08/25/2019:
Hugs. I have been there. Welcome back.

The best advice I got from this forum was to read the 4 Agreements by Don Ruiz. I really like the audio version on Audible. It is super soothing and great to fall asleep to. The one that is helpful for you is "Always Do Your Best". Today you did your best by reaching out and posting here. So gold star for today.

I think the best tip I ever got was that willpower and energy is strongest in the morning, and habit is stronger than willpower, so just focus on using your willpower on one daily habit at a time starting first thing in the morning, and then add the next habit after that when it becomes routine. Like the first thing I need to do every morning is take ADHD meds and use my inhaler. This week I am adding take my vitamins and drink 16oz water before I drink coffee. The next habit I have down already, which is take my coffee without dairy and use superfood creamer instead. Enough habits strung together over a long enough period of time, and I will be closer to the life I want to live and the body I want to live in.

Big hugs. You are awesome and doing great.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2019:
Hello and welcome! for me, the way to go about it is to eat several times throughout the day to try to prevent myself from getting ravenous. and when i am ravenous, i find a little bit of carbs with seltzer helps...like a granola bar or some fruit and lots to drink to tame my appetite. welcome!

Maria7 on 08/28/2019:
Welcome back. You will make it. Just gotta replace using food to comfort to only using it for nutrition and find another comforting habit for stress. Do you like to draw or sew or have another thing you like to do that you could do instead of eating for comfort? Do you like visiting friends or walking? Small steps count a lot. You will get there. We will encourage you along the way.

OArecovery - Friday Dec 13, 2013

Weight: 0.0

 Hi everyone.  Been an age since I posted -  I lost faith a little and just stopped writing and communicating but I realise again that I can't do this alone.  This is where I went to yesterday - aside from meals I ate 2 large bars of chocolate, 2 chocolate cookies and a chocoalte stick.  Its crazy. Insane.  And my greatest goal of life right now is to get through just a couple of days with clean eating but it seems so impossible.


Anyways, plan today:


banana, banana chips, bran flakes and milk;

pita, soya strips, salad;





Maria7 on 12/14/2013:
You can do it. :-)

V on 12/16/2013:
Yes you CAN do this..Keep on posting my friend :)

thinkpositive on 12/17/2013:
I'm back today also . It's not easy at this time of year but it is doable! Good luck to you.

OArecovery - Wednesday Nov 20, 2013

Weight: 0.0

 Hi everyone,

Plan today-

fruit salad;

tuna salad with wholewheat pita;

`Apple and peanut butter;

salad, garlic bread and ostrich on the braai.


Thanks xx

hollybelle on 11/20/2013:
Hello OA -- stopping by and catching up - you are hanging in there - keep at it.

OArecovery on 11/21/2013:
Thanks hollybelle!! :)

skinnygrlwithin on 11/20/2013:
Looks like a good menu to me!

OArecovery - Sunday Nov 17, 2013

Weight: 0.0

 Hi everyone, hope you are all having great weekends!  I have been struggling with my food quite a bit but at least getting the exercise-  small things haha went for a beautiful run yesterday so even though the weight has been piling on at least I have a lovely experience like that.


Today's plan:

Apple, yogurt;

lunch with friends so I'm not sure and then out for dinner with my oartners family so its also up in the air- good planning huh haha

90 min yoga tonight and shes a very intensive teacher which is awesome.


enjoy your sundays!!

OArecovery - Thursday Nov 14, 2013

Weight: 0.0

Hi everyone,

Bit of a stresful day yesterday and really refelcted in my food sigh falling into the chocolate but that's OK, I'm allowed to trip up now and then right?  So anyway, disappointed in all the weight gain of late and the feeling of lack of control but glad to be back on here pheeeew!


boiled egg;

2 provita and mozzarella;

wholewheat provita, springbok carpaccio, mozz, salad;

Plan to come:


homemade pizzas tonight.

am going for a walk with a frend so will get a little exercis in! 

OhioRaven on 11/14/2013:
Mornin' AO. Have a good walk. Take Care.

OArecovery on 11/17/2013:
thanks ohio!

liza36 on 11/14/2013:
Glad you are back posting here. I am too. I think it really helps to be among friends who understand weight struggles and can support each other. I love this site! Enjoy your walk today.

OArecovery on 11/17/2013:
it really is a great place! Thanks for the message :)

Umpqua on 11/15/2013:
Wonderful foods! And you are right, posting here and getting feedback and support is so helpful. I hope you have a nice weekend!

OArecovery on 11/17/2013:
Thanks Umpqua!!

OArecovery - Tuesday Nov 12, 2013

Weight: 0.0

Hi everyone,  so I didn't make it to the gym yesterday- my partner was in crisis and needed me to stay home and talk her through it sigh excuses excuses I know.  On the bright side I admitted what is going on to a friend and told her that I have been bingeing big time and that I need help, on the down side I binged a second time yesterday :( but I am determinedly going to a meeting tonight.  It's happening.  Its called EDG- eating disorder group and is lead by a counsellor and is at an addictions treatment centre.  I am not managing so I have to do something.

Plan today:

banana, yogurt;

Steak, pita, salad; 


cottage pie, salad;

exercise- yoga

Thanks for all of you being here and keeping on posting.  Its so great to be able to come here.  I know yesterday was a bomb but today is a new day and I am feeling positive and stronger!

OhioRaven on 11/12/2013:
Yeah ! ! ! AO is back ! It's good to hear from you. I know the hardest part of a "Plan" is doing it. And the hardest fight we will have is usually "Between Our Ears". But keep pushing on, you can/will become who you want to be.

OArecovery on 11/14/2013:
Thanks Ohio :) You are on the money! Thanks for the faith.

OArecovery - Monday Nov 11, 2013

Weight: 0.0

Hi everyone,  same again lol I haven't posted in a while and now I am in crisis again but I won't get long winded on it.   Basically the binging is out of control and I need to somehow get to grips with this.  There is an EDA (eating disorders anonymous) meeting tonight down the road and I am thinking about going.  

Already binged today but hopefully can get the rest of the day ontrack.

What's happened is that without even eating breakfast I immediately made a big bowl of cookie dough and ate it all so now I need to fught back for the rest of the day.  

Salad for lunch;



exercise- 20min run, 1hr yoga

I hope you all are doing really well.


OhioRaven on 11/11/2013:
Keep posting !

OArecovery on 11/12/2013:
Thanks Ohio :)

OArecovery - Tuesday Oct 29, 2013

Weight: 0.0

Hi everyone.  I had such a great food day yesterday and then couldnt sleep so i ate an entire large bar of dark chocolate in the middle of the night - this uncontrollabel urge it felt like.  I need to get to one of the support groups in the area but there is no time this week, every night is booked up alread but I can maybe go to one on saturday morning.  Thanks for the encouragement and the suggestions.

Plan today- no breakfast,

apple snack;

smoked salmon wrap, salad;


curry and salad


OhioRaven on 10/30/2013:
I think you and your health is as important as the things you've been putting in your event calendar. One of my biggest obstacles on keeping healthy is finding ME time. And you're right about support groups. I had a great start with Weight Watchers. After that I didn't sign back up because of the cost. Then I found this website and haven't missed a day signing in... Yet. Have a Good Day, AO.

skinnygrlwithin on 10/30/2013:
I completely second what Ohio said... your healthy is so important... you need to make time for it. It's about finding balance... but you need to make room for yourself.

Maria7 on 10/31/2013:
Sometimes I find that trying to satisfy food cravings only makes me even hungrier and I may as well just don't give in as to give in and feel like I'm still hungry and disgusted with myself for giving in the the cravings.

V on 11/04/2013:
Hello! I haven't been on the site for a bit but I just wanted to know that we are here for you anytime you need support..Great advice from Holly, Ohio and Skinnygirl on your previous posts..I hope that you are having a good week so far <3

OArecovery - Sunday Oct 27, 2013

Weight: 0.0

Hi everyone.  I have decided i am going on a sugar detox for the next few weeks.  I have already put down drinking for a few weeks and its making such a difference in chaos but I am struggling so badly, rock-bottoming out with my food so now I am going to try a detox and exercise.

Tomorrows plan:



steak, salad, wholewheat wrap;


dinner at a friends house.


##I didnt make it.  i binged out again- on sugar of course.  very disappointed in myself. 

OhioRaven on 10/28/2013:
Keep trying. Maybe try changing one thing at a time.

OArecovery on 10/29/2013:
Thanks Ohio

skinnygrlwithin on 10/28/2013:
I know you can do this... I believe in you. Maybe try cutting certain types of sugar out at first instead of going all out... sometimes being so strict with yourself is what causes us to fail in the first place.

OArecovery on 10/29/2013:
Thanks, I actually got tears in my eyes reading that you beleive in me - I have so little faith in myself right now. Thanks, means a lot

OArecovery - Saturday Oct 26, 2013

Weight: 0.0

I am really struggling.  I sit here with tears in my heart and my eyes.  I am living so many lies and I am so depressed and bingeing constantly.  I need help and I feel like a failure for coming here and then not posting for so long, disappearing down this hole and resurfacing only for moments.  I am so desperate, my mind and soul are bruised and battered by the way I am treating myself. I know there are circumstantial things in life that need to change and that I need to action but this food stuff is out of control and I am in a continous fog because of it.  It is only 10am here and I have already binged today.  It has been a solid 2 weeks now of daily all out bingeing with no reprieve and my partner believes I am doing so well- she doenst see it.  It makes me so sad that there is so much falsity and I can't tell her, I am too ashamed.  Far too ashamed of what I do and how I behave.  I don't know how to reign it in or who to talk to but this is a start, coming back on here.

I need help, I need support, but I need to keep coming back to no matter how bad it gets or how hard and not keep hiding in the shame because then it never lifts.  I need you guys.

I hope everyone is doing well and I am sorry to disappear and reappear in desperation.

OhioRaven on 10/26/2013:
Hi, AO. There's nowhere to go but up...once you've hit rock bottom. (Sad but True)Talk to your partner and tell them your feelings. It's a good start to being honest about yourself. And all the baggage you've been carrying will be lifted off of you because you've shed off the lies. You'll see a new path for you to take. You sound like you're tired of the old one. I'm a true believer in the saying " Life's what you make it " . Take care of yourself, AO. Keep posting.

hollybelle on 10/26/2013:
I am sorry for your pain. I hear it in your posted words....A fog is noplace to spend your life. I have been though some rough things and I can tell you that there is another side. But it usually doesn't come to you - you have to go to there - everyday.....everyday.....I read your last post and I am wondering if you might like a live support group. There is so much support out there. It is easy to put off until tomorrow what we need to do today. But until we get going and take action toward our future we will stay right where we are. I was lucky enough to find a good support group a long time ago and gave up alcohol and other destructive behaviors in my early 30s. Sometimes it just so comfortable to stay where we are, even though we hate it. That is very destructive ultimately. Life is messy but to move to a better place we have to get out of our pattern-have at it OA - you can do it. Don't ever give up - no matter how many time you begin again. I really recommend live support groups. Hang in there and keep on keeping on!

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