- Saturday Aug 24, 2019
Hi everyone. I am fully depressed about my body. I refused to go out last night because I am so ashamed of how I look - I actually bailed on a friend's birthday because I can't stand to look at myself let alone have others look at me. The trigger for this downward spiral was that I put on an old pair of jeans, that used to be loose, and I couldn't even fit them on. I felt so ashamed. I feel like i am not deserving of going out and having fun when I am so disgusted with myself. I know this may seem like an overreaction but it was genuine. I just felt so upset and so disgusted.
I am getting married in December and I am so lucky to have a partner who still finds me sexy amidst all the flab but I don't want to be like this anymore. I need help and I don't know where to get it..
I have been struggling with depression for a few months and I find that I am getting comfort in food and I am just ballooning. It's terrible and I don't know what to do. I have all the knowledge I need to sort myself out but absolutely no drive to do so.
And I am so angry at myself for all of this.
Anyone have wisdom to share on how to get started?
Ps. Meal plan for the day
Out for breakfast, looked at the menu and the healthiest thing they have on their is a hash brown with mixed veg so going that route.
Dinner - going to make a lekker chicke, feta and chickpea salad.
Seeing as I'm eating brekkie late will probably not have lunch but if I need a snack, there are some strawberries in the fridge.
- Friday Dec 13, 2013
Hi everyone. Been an age since I posted - I lost faith a little and just stopped writing and communicating but I realise again that I can't do this alone. This is where I went to yesterday - aside from meals I ate 2 large bars of chocolate, 2 chocolate cookies and a chocoalte stick. Its crazy. Insane. And my greatest goal of life right now is to get through just a couple of days with clean eating but it seems so impossible.
Anyways, plan today:
banana, banana chips, bran flakes and milk;
pita, soya strips, salad;
- Wednesday Nov 20, 2013
tuna salad with wholewheat pita;
`Apple and peanut butter;
salad, garlic bread and ostrich on the braai.
- Sunday Nov 17, 2013
Hi everyone, hope you are all having great weekends! I have been struggling with my food quite a bit but at least getting the exercise- small things haha went for a beautiful run yesterday so even though the weight has been piling on at least I have a lovely experience like that.
lunch with friends so I'm not sure and then out for dinner with my oartners family so its also up in the air- good planning huh haha
90 min yoga tonight and shes a very intensive teacher which is awesome.
enjoy your sundays!!
- Thursday Nov 14, 2013
Bit of a stresful day yesterday and really refelcted in my food sigh falling into the chocolate but that's OK, I'm allowed to trip up now and then right? So anyway, disappointed in all the weight gain of late and the feeling of lack of control but glad to be back on here pheeeew!
2 provita and mozzarella;
wholewheat provita, springbok carpaccio, mozz, salad;
Plan to come:
homemade pizzas tonight.
am going for a walk with a frend so will get a little exercis in!
- Tuesday Nov 12, 2013
Hi everyone, so I didn't make it to the gym yesterday- my partner was in crisis and needed me to stay home and talk her through it sigh excuses excuses I know. On the bright side I admitted what is going on to a friend and told her that I have been bingeing big time and that I need help, on the down side I binged a second time yesterday :( but I am determinedly going to a meeting tonight. It's happening. Its called EDG- eating disorder group and is lead by a counsellor and is at an addictions treatment centre. I am not managing so I have to do something.
Steak, pita, salad;
cottage pie, salad;
Thanks for all of you being here and keeping on posting. Its so great to be able to come here. I know yesterday was a bomb but today is a new day and I am feeling positive and stronger!
- Monday Nov 11, 2013
Hi everyone, same again lol I haven't posted in a while and now I am in crisis again but I won't get long winded on it. Basically the binging is out of control and I need to somehow get to grips with this. There is an EDA (eating disorders anonymous) meeting tonight down the road and I am thinking about going.
Already binged today but hopefully can get the rest of the day ontrack.
What's happened is that without even eating breakfast I immediately made a big bowl of cookie dough and ate it all so now I need to fught back for the rest of the day.
Salad for lunch;
exercise- 20min run, 1hr yoga
I hope you all are doing really well.
- Tuesday Oct 29, 2013
Hi everyone. I had such a great food day yesterday and then couldnt sleep so i ate an entire large bar of dark chocolate in the middle of the night - this uncontrollabel urge it felt like. I need to get to one of the support groups in the area but there is no time this week, every night is booked up alread but I can maybe go to one on saturday morning. Thanks for the encouragement and the suggestions.
Plan today- no breakfast,
smoked salmon wrap, salad;
curry and salad
- Sunday Oct 27, 2013
Hi everyone. I have decided i am going on a sugar detox for the next few weeks. I have already put down drinking for a few weeks and its making such a difference in chaos but I am struggling so badly, rock-bottoming out with my food so now I am going to try a detox and exercise.
steak, salad, wholewheat wrap;
dinner at a friends house.
##I didnt make it. i binged out again- on sugar of course. very disappointed in myself.
- Saturday Oct 26, 2013
I am really struggling. I sit here with tears in my heart and my eyes. I am living so many lies and I am so depressed and bingeing constantly. I need help and I feel like a failure for coming here and then not posting for so long, disappearing down this hole and resurfacing only for moments. I am so desperate, my mind and soul are bruised and battered by the way I am treating myself. I know there are circumstantial things in life that need to change and that I need to action but this food stuff is out of control and I am in a continous fog because of it. It is only 10am here and I have already binged today. It has been a solid 2 weeks now of daily all out bingeing with no reprieve and my partner believes I am doing so well- she doenst see it. It makes me so sad that there is so much falsity and I can't tell her, I am too ashamed. Far too ashamed of what I do and how I behave. I don't know how to reign it in or who to talk to but this is a start, coming back on here.
I need help, I need support, but I need to keep coming back to no matter how bad it gets or how hard and not keep hiding in the shame because then it never lifts. I need you guys.
I hope everyone is doing well and I am sorry to disappear and reappear in desperation.