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Runner - Wednesday Jan 25, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 121.5

I was really 122 this morning, but I can't bring myself to type in that number, as I know it doesn't truly reflect what I SHOULD weigh right now.

I have never felt so upset about my weight in the last 7 years as I do right now. At least in the past, I could lose a pound if I really wanted to. I just had to eat better and work out harder.

But now something has gone so wrong that my stomach has completely rebelled and I have gained a full 10 pounds in my butt and stomach area. It's so crazy, because I can see my ribs, but my lower belly is so distended. If you're new to this site, don't assume I'm pregnant, because I'm not. I have major fertility issues.

I have major issues, period. My body is so out-of-whack right now, and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to eat as many raw foods as possible and am trying to avoid sugar, although it's not always easy. I was so discouraged last night that I simply curled up on my bed and cried. I am so tired of this! I can't go to another doctor right now...Chinese New Year starts tomorrow and the whole country will basically shut down for that. And I'm going on vacation myself.

Actually, maybe that's just what I need---a vacation. Although I often travel for work, the next week will be a real vacation on an island in the Philippines. I have no idea what is there, except for beaches, but I don't plan to do a whole lot except get a nice tan and read some books! Mentally and physically, I am exhausted right now, and I need to get away from my kitchen, from my scale, and from pressures at work.

I need some relief. I need peace of mind. I'm so far away from my original goal of 115 by the end of January, and I feel like a complete loser. Maybe it's these stupid hormone pills...but can I really blame everything on them? No, I haven't been as careful with my diet as I should be. It's my fault, too. But I also know that 10 pounds equals 35,000 extra calories and I KNOW I haven't consumed an excess of 35,000 calories since September! That's ridiculous.

Where will I be a month from now? Will I still be fighting the same battle? Please, God...give me some relief!

borntocry on 01/26/2006:
Hi Runner,

You poor thing! I feel so sorry for you. I'm so depressed these days myself and you have it even worse than I do. My problem is similar, though - all my weight is concentrated in my hips and backside! I can also still see my ribs. But it's no consolation because I think I'd look thinner if I were just better-proportioned. Instead I'm convinced that all anyone ever sees is my huge protruding backside. I almost feel like I'm walking with a hunch just to offset the weight of it.

So what's the deal with these hormone pills? Are they supposed to sort of help jumpstart your monthly cycle or something? If so, where would you be right now in your cycle? Because you know, I often weigh up to 3 lb more in the week before my period than I do right after it. Maybe these pills are working and your time of the month is approaching. In that case your real weight could be closer to 118 or 119 lb. right now. I know this is pure conjecture but it's how I've been consoling myself lately so maybe it can do the same for you!

I think you're right, though - you need a vacation and I hope you will enjoy yourself and take a little break from all this stress and worry. Your problems will most likely still be around when you get back so you can always worry about them later!

I shall leave you with a quote from Alcoholics Anonymous which has been running through my mind lately:

God, grant me<br> The serenity to accept the things I cannot change, <br> The courage to change the things I can, and <br> The wisdom to know the difference.

sweetpea1977 on 01/26/2006:
Hey Runner,

Im so sorry that you are going through all this. Perhaps BTC is right in that the hormones are working and you are about to have your period. I also wonder if there is any possibility if the extra hormones in your body are complicating your digestive problem? I haven't had much time to look into it due to the visitors at work, but anything could be possible.

A vacation on some beautiful beaches sounds like heaven. (Take me with you! :o))Anyway, you definitely need a break from real life right now, and this sounds like a wonderful opportunity to do just that.


Umpqua on 01/26/2006:
You're upcoming vacation sounds like just what the doctor ordered. I'm sorry you're going through this - I too am moving away from my goal and I don't like it! I hope you get your period soon and your weight stabilizes, I'm sure you would feel so much better. Thanks for the truffle web site btw. I checked it out and was amazed that they don't contain any artificial sweeteners or the dreaded sugar alcohols. I will definitely check them out!

geevee on 01/26/2006:
My Dear Runner,

Do I know what you're talking about! It seems that once the momentum shifts it's darned near impossible to change it to the other direction.

When I was losing weight I never had the problem of regaining. I would have plateaus but then they'd break and down I'd go.

Just like you, for the past number of months, my weight has skyrocketed and I can't do anything about it. For ten days I've eaten between 1200 and 1600 calories except for one day of 1700 and my weight hasn't even budged half a pound. It's as if 133 is my NEW weight!

The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that a number of us are having the same difficulty and that I'm not alone in this predicament. We really do help and encourage each other.

You have worked so hard and have done so well, especially in inspiring me and others. You deserve this vacation and break. By the time it's over I bet this temporary gain will be gone.

Relax, and have fun!

Runner - Sunday Jan 22, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 120.5

Sometimes I wonder how I got to 120.5 in a matter of 4 months. Last year at this time, I was stressing out when I hit 114.

I really didn't have a bad weekend calorie-wise, but I chose some unhealthy foods that I should have avoided. And maybe my calorie estimates were too low, as I am up to 120.5 today.

Either way, my stomach is really giving me problems again. Why doesn't my food digest normally? Why am I always bloated? I know the ridiculous hormones in my body aren't helping the situation, but it is so frustrating not to ever see movement on the scale except in an upward direction!

My goals for today: 1500 calories

no candy or desserts

no peanut butter

geevee on 01/22/2006:
I'm with you, Runner. Sometimes it just doesn't seem to make any sense at all. You do the right thing, eat the right amount of calories, and then gain a pound!

I think cutting out the candy and desserts is a good idea, but if you're counting calories, why not set aside 100-200 cal. for PNB? THAT is good, healthy food!

When I do that, I always leave it for the late evening snack which I can't avoid. It fills me up, it's nutritious and oh, so satisfying! Sometimes I can even sleep!

onlyagirl on 01/23/2006:
peanut butter...one of my favorites.

isn't it funny how one person considers themself in need of losing weight when someone else only wants to be where they are?

i would love to be 120 pounds (actually 125). :)

good luck with your fertility treatments too!

best wishes, onlyagirl

borntocry on 01/23/2006:
Hi Runner,

You poor thing! I wish I had some advice for you but I have no idea why this is happening to you. It's so terrible to work so hard and never see the results of one's endeavours! But I'm sure your hard work will pay off in the end, even if you have to wait until your hormones are back in balance for that to happen. And I'm sure the good habits you have established in the meantime will come in very handy then!

And thanks so much for all your advice on the half-marathon! I was waiting anxiously for your input, as you can imagine! And it was really very informative. It had never occurred to me that I might find myself stuck at the back of a huge group of runners. But considering that there will be up to 20,000 people in this race, that's going to be extremely likely! And knowing me, I will surely be far too shy to push myself to the front. So I will definitely sign up for the seventh group. This is a 21 km race, by the way, so if I can run the whole thing at my usual speed, I should be able to do it in around 2 hours 10 minutes, but at this point I'm not even sure I can run that distance at all!

My husband is planning to come cheer me on, so I will have someone to look for in the crowd, but I'm still a little worried about anyone else coming. I think it will put a lot of pressure on me, especially if I know they've come a long way just to watch me do well.

I have a couple of other concerns, too. Should I practice eating and drinking while I run? I have never done that before, but towards the end of my long run last weekend my mouth was really dry and I don't know if I'll be able to manage much longer than that without drinking. I don't know what to expect at the food and water stands, though. Will it be easy to get something to drink?

Finally, thanks for your confidence in me - it means so much to me. I hope I don't let you down! Sometimes at the beginning of a run, my legs feel so heavy and achy and I wonder how I'm even going to manage 1 mile, let alone 7! But I usually get a second wind at some point and last weekend I actually felt like I could have kept running for at least a few more miles after I finished. I hope that's a good sign that I really am capable of running more than I think!

Runner - Saturday Jan 21, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 120.0

The last forty-eight hours have been really rough for me, so I'm very thankful to be at 120 today. Of course, I don't feel very thin at that weight, but it could be worse.

The seafood buffet was much better than I thought it would be, and unfortunately I enjoyed most of the dishes...but most of them were also quite healthy, I think. Anyway, I enjoyed that meal, but was still feeling in a bit of a "food coma" the next morning and wasn't looking forward to the hotel buffet at all. When lunchtime rolled around, I wasn't hungry, but it's amazing how much I managed to eat anyway, simply because everyone else around me was eating and commenting nonstop about the excellent food.

I made good choices until it was dessert time, where I threw all caution to the wind and indulged in a nice plate of all kinds of desserts. Sure, the portion sizes were small, but the plate wasn't, and I know I must have consumed hundreds of calories in a few short minutes.

Needless to say, I was too full to really eat anything else the rest of the day, except for a small snack before bed.

Today has been a bit better, but I could just kick myself for eating 2 chocolate covered cherries and about 300 calories of peanut butter for no good reason at all. That's 500 calories right there...and I wonder why I can't lose a pound? It doesn't matter if I run and hike for 2 hours...those calories add up so quickly, and my body is too efficient to burn them all off with a little exercise.

geevee on 01/21/2006:
It's hard enough to control our own food desires without being surrounded by others who are eating with abandon and not feeling any guilt whatsoever. Your description of the scene brought me right back to that U of Miami luncheon when all conversation ended when the chocolate mousse was served. There was no way I couldn't follow suit. The expressions of utter satisfaction egged me on.

Those two banquet hurdles are over. Now you have to go through a daily dialog and convince your sweet-tooth self "NO MORE". If not for all those indulgences, you wouldn't have those unwanted pounds. That's all I've been doing recently, and it's working! Try it!

borntocry on 01/21/2006:
Hi Runner,

Only people like us could say something like, "unfortunately I enjoyed most of the dishes"! Too funny. I know you probably don't see it like that at the moment, but I really don't think you did that badly at the buffet. You tried several different desserts, but then, you do have a sweet tooth so that would be the main feature of the meal for you anyway. And it looks like you made up for it over the rest of the day. So it's time to stop feeling guilty and put down the peanut butter!

Thanks for the comment you left me. I did try preparing the high-protein vegetable soup with hot water - I dissolved it in a little cold water first and then added hot water. The result was a lumpy, luke-warm concoction which looked startlingly like vomit. I didn't try the hot chocolate, though - after that dismal failure I took it back to the store and managed to exchange it for high-protein chocolate pudding mix, which doesn't need to be heated. I've already tried the Gerlinea chocolate puddings, which are ready-made and pretty good, but the advantage of this other brand is that it has half the calories - 100 per serving as opposed to 200 for the Gerlinea ones. Of course, you may get to try them yourself soon enough, so you can make up your own mind about them!

Runner - Wednesday Jan 18, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

Finally, I had what I would consider a "good" day yesterday, food-wise. Now, if I can just make it through the next 24 hours without doing some serious damage to my diet, I'll be a happy woman!

Tonight I have a meal out for Chinese New Year at a seafood restaurant. Hopefully that means a lot of good, healthy seafood! And maybe a few strange things, too, which won't be hard to pass up! I mean, who really likes sea cucumber anyway?

Tomorrow is the huge buffet at the hotel, and that will probably be a much bigger challenge. So I need to make it through today first and then I'll concentrate on tomorrow.

Thanks for all the helpful advice and encouragement, friends. I do know that the next few months are going to stretch me emotionally, mentally, and probably phyiscally, too! Sometimes I really wonder if I'm ready to start the whole fertility thing, but now is just as good a time as any! I'm definitely not getting any younger.

borntocry on 01/19/2006:
Hi Runner,

Congratulations on your good day! Hopefully this will mean you'll be more confident when it comes to tackling that big buffet today. I'm hoping there's nothing but chicken feet on the menu!

And thanks so much for the comment you left me. You've given a lot to think about! I'm going to take your advice and start downsizing my bowls of cereal, so that I can have it more often. I'll measure them out so I know exactly how much I'm having. At the moment my estimate is 400 calories for a bowl of cereal, so you can see why I'm so reluctant to have one!

I haven't read all the articles you posted yet, but I read the third one and it was very informative. According to that article, I should eat mostly carbohydrates before and after running, which makes sense to me and goes with what you told me as well. So that means that I need to get in my protein and fat earlier in the day, which shouldn't be too hard considering the stash of protein bars I keep at work.

Well, I'm going to go read the other two articles now. Whatever would I do without you?!

geevee on 01/19/2006:
Huge prawns, grilled calamari, shrimp...Wouldn't those choices be great? Plain baked fish would too. Good luck, Runner!

Runner - Tuesday Jan 17, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 120.5

I'm right back where I was a few weeks ago, and I just don't get it.

It seems like I'll never reach 115, and everything is going against me at the moment. Not only have I started another round of provera and progesterone pills, I have been instructed by my doctor that I should cut back on the exercise as I'll be starting injections in about a month.

And I have two big meals out in the next two days. Yikes! I feel like I need to fast or something...or go on a juice diet. All I know is that I am slowly giving up hope that I'll ever lose a real pound.

Yes, I do want to get pregnant. But I don't want to gain weight until I get pregnant! Call me crazy, but at least I'm being honest! And I know that since I can't get pregnant without all these fertility treatments, I'd like to stay thin in the meantime! Because I know that realistically, I have a long road ahead of me. So why can't I be 115 and feel a whole lot better about myself?

I really need to buckle down. I've been baking lots of treats for a bake sale and have allowed myself to indulge in "second helpings," which is one rule I've broken a few too many times! It's such a good rule, and I never need that second helping anyway, so I'm reinstating it right here and right now and plan to follow it this week, even with the two meals out! (one of them is a buffet at a fancy hotel...can it get any worse???)

Umpqua on 01/17/2006:
I bet those hormones are contributing to your gain. I've always held onto at least 5 extra pounds when I've been on various types of birth control pills, so I'm sure this is no different. I completely understand what you mean about wanting to get your weight down until you are actually pregnant. I feel the same way - this may be the last chance I have to enjoy being at a lower weight, so I want to make the most of it!

geevee on 01/17/2006:
Hi Runner,

I don't understand why I didn't get your 1/15 entry until today when I also got the l/17 entry.

Anyway, I totally understand your frustration.Something has to give. You can't have it all. No way!

I wouldn't be so concerned about your weight right now, before the treatments begin. Honestly, a couple of pounds is really meaningless.

You need to relax, take it easy,and look forward to the whole purpose of this endeavor. It IS worthwile! You will NEVER regret the few pound gain.

borntocry on 01/18/2006:
Hi Runner,

I'm exactly where you are now too. What's going on? But I agree with geevee - there's no point stressing. We're doing what we can and that's all we can hope for.

Thanks for the comment you left me. Don't be ridiculous - you are so the expert in all matters of exercise and nutrition! Why would I want to tune out anything you say? If I can't take advice from someone called "Runner" then who can I take it from?!

I'm just confused because I thought I was supposed to eat protein after running. That's why I made myself an omelette for dinner the other night. Should I be having carbohydrates instead? Or both? And what about before I go running - what should I eat then? Or should I just save my calories for afterwards? I think that's part of the problem - I'm so hungry during the day, I have trouble saving much of my calorie allowance for later at night.

And then there are so many conflicting theories out there, that it's hard to know what to do. On the one hand, I've also heard that if one lets oneself go hungry, one could go into starvation mode and end up gaining weight instead of losing it. But then isn't hunger a sign that I'm losing weight? If I eat whenever I'm hungry then I'll just maintain my weight, won't I? I wish I knew!

sweetpea1977 on 01/18/2006:
Hey Runner,

I love the "no second helping" rule. It is a hard one to follow, but when it is followed, it is a wonderful accomplishment.

As for the weight gain, I think it has A LOT to do with the hormones that are being introduced into your system. Provera itself can cause fluid retention and weight gain or if you're lucky, weight loss. It all depends on how your body reacts to the medication. The progesterone pills prepares the body for pregnancy and gestation. Unfortunately, one of those preparations is gaining weight, because the body has to be at a certain weight in order to concieve and carry a baby to full term.

I completely understand your desire to see 115 before you become pregnant, but if a having baby is important to you, it may be time to focus on that and relax a little on the weight loss. All you can do is continue your healthy habits and keep the weight gain as slow as possible until you become pregnant. I know that sounds horrifying, but in the end it is going to be worth it.


PS. I've been reading "What to Expect While You're Expecting". It is quite thorough on all aspects of pregnancy ranging from what kind of prenatal care you prefer to birthing options to detailed descriptions of what to expect (from doctor visits to physical/emotional changes) during each step of the pregnancy. Its a very informative book - I highly recommend it!

Runner - Sunday Jan 15, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

The weekend presented various challenges, but I found myself victorious more often than not.

Saturday's lunch was a meal out with my in-laws. As my mother-in-law devoured a most delicious-looking plate of veggie and cheese lasanga, my father-in-law ate a big hamburger and my hubby had a chicken tortilla with fries, I stuck to a big bowl of steamed veggies and some chickpea soup. Then we all split two pieces of cake, but after a tiny bite of the Black Forest cake, I gave my piece to my husband, as it was too dry for my liking.

That afternoon, I got a crazy idea to cut up 10 apples and throw them in my crockpot, along with those highly-caloric figs that I bought last week. I was intending to make applesauce, but found a different recipe for "crockpot apple pie" that I adapted a bit using Reduced-Fat Bisquick, cinnamon, and some vanilla pudding powder. Anyway, the final result was fabulous, and I've been eating the leftovers the last two days. The figs are delicious after they're cooked, but I'm really wondering how these tiny little things (about the size of a chestnut) can really be up to 50 calories each. If so, then that's probably why my weight hasn't budged!

Dinner that night was a meal at a friend's house and I did okay except for 2 cookies that were pretty bland, but I ate them anyway! (why? I don't know. They were huge, too).

Sunday, I skipped the big meal at church because I knew once I got started, there would be no stopping me. (And I wasn't hungry, anyway...so I ate at home instead).

Sunday night, a group of us went to Macaroni Grill and as everyone else devoured the bread and very fattening meals, I ate one piece of chicken BBQ pizza and some bites of dessert. I had checked the nutritional information for Macaroni Grill dishes before we went out, and those 1500-calorie meals were enough to make my stomach turn! Needless to say, I packed a healthy 100-calorie snack to tide me over as I watched everyone else pig out.

So who woke up feeling fat and bloated this morning? Yours truly.

Sometimes I wonder why I try.

Oh---and did I mention that I ran, hiked, biked and swam on Saturday and ran and hiked on Sunday? Of course, I know that exercise does nothing for me diet-wise anymore, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

It was a gorgeous weekend weather-wise and I just couldn't wait to get outside and be active! So I thorougly enjoyed my 3-hour workout, but I wish it could have made at least a DENT in the scale.

I don't know what to do next...I really don't.

borntocry on 01/16/2006:
Hi Runner,

I can't believe you were having Black Forest cake while I was in the Black Forest! Too funny. I actually didn't like it much either. The cake part was a little dry and didn't taste of anything. My mother's version is much better!

That crockpot apple pie you made sounds awesome, though. One of my co-workers loves figs too, and she says that she rarely has them because they're so high-calorie. In fact we got into a huge fight about it because she said that figs have more calories than bananas, and I just couldn't believe that. Finally it turned out that she meant that 100g of figs have more calories than 100g of bananas. Apparently that's how French people calculate calories - isn't that ridiculous?

Anyway, I am sorry to see that all your hard work lately hasn't paid off. Don't stress about it, though... you're eating well, keeping fit and enjoying the nice weather, and that's important too. After all, there's not much point struggling to get your weight back down to 115 lb. if there's a chance you could become pregnant soon. Of course I don't think we should stop trying and hoping but if it doesn't happen then it isn't the end of the world, right?

You know, in a way I'm starting to accept the fact that exercise does nothing for us any more. It's become too much fun! When I think back to what a torture it used to be for me to run even one mile, it actually seems quite reasonable that I should burn less calories now than I did back then.

Anyway, thanks for the comment you left me. I did gain weight, by the way - yesterday it seemed like I'd gained just 2 lb, and I was quite pleased with that, but today my weight is up even more! I'm not going to bother trying to make sense of it, though!

Runner - Thursday Jan 12, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

Geevee, you are a wise woman. You hit the nail on the head when you wrote: The trouble with losing a pound or more is that we tend to then reward ourselves, thereby effectively cancelling out our success.

That is the story of my life! I set myself up for failure last night by baking a wonderful coffee cake for my co-workers...that I just had to try myself. But it gets worse. I had a block of chocolate in the freezer that I decided to melt and then make chocolate-covered pretzels. So in the last 12 hours, I've had a big set-back and am now closer to 120 than I am to 117!

When will I learn?

I'm getting rid of all the snacks at work today, but I had some pretty generous helpings myself! And I know that even though I didn't feel full after eating the pretzels and coffee cake, they were pretty highly caloric, and the calories add up!

To answer Sweetpea's question about exercise, I haven't necessarily cut down, but I've decided not to train for any more races, which allows me to eliminate long runs from my workouts. And I'm not pushing myself as hard as I used to. I'm trying to slow down a bit, as I know I'll have to take it easy in the next few months. I'm planning to start fertility treatments (FSH injections) in February, so I know my body needs to be in a relaxed state when I try to conceive. This is a big decision my husband and I have made, and I'll start the first round of injections in February. Our primary purpose is to get my FSH levels up to normal, but we're also going to try to conceive at the same time, as the treatments should induce normal ovulation.

But in the meantime, I just want to get my eating under control! Believe it or not, I'm actually more concerned about my eating habits than I am about the fertility treatments. I want to establish healthy, controlled habits before I ever have children...I don't want my kids to have a mom who eats 6 brownies in one sitting!

Umpqua on 01/12/2006:
At least you got rid of the remaining snacks you made - I'm not sure I would have the willpower to give them away! Congratulations on the decision to cut back on exercise and try to get pregnant. Off the record, my husband and I are going to begin trying this spring if my blood factors look OK. I absolutely know what you mean about getting your habits under control now. The thought of gaining all that weight for pregnancy scares me, but I know it will be worth it. And I'll need this group more than ever if it does happen!

sweetpea1977 on 01/13/2006:
Hey Runner,

Thanks for answering my question. :o) I totally agree with you - it is so important to establish good eating habits before we become parents. I definitely dont want my kids falling into the same bad habits I developed years ago. Anyawy, it seems like a few of us have children planned for the near future (Umpqua, you, and me!). How exciting! :o)


borntocry on 01/15/2006:
Hi Runner,

I'm back! I missed you so much! And hey, congratulations on your big decision! I have also been thinking of going off the Pill this spring. So maybe that will make four of us trying to conceive in the near future! I've had a lot of fertility issues too, so I'm sure I'll be keeping you company in that department. And we'll make such a great support group for each other if/when it comes to losing all that extra weight, right?!

I have a lot of other stuff I wanted to discuss with you, but it's taking me a while to catch up on everyone's entries from the past week, so I guess it'll have to wait!

Runner - Thursday Jan 12, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 118.5

Finally! I saw 118.5 again today.

I'm just hoping to make it through another day...with no big splurges that could set me back again. I would love to see 117 by next week...and I know it's possible, but I really have to work hard!

I bought some figs the other day and had a few before I realized how many calories are in one fig. Up to 50! That's ridiculous! Forget figs. I'll get my fiber from another source!

Umpqua on 01/12/2006:
Yay for us - 118.5! I'm with you, I'd love to see 117 next week. No more cheeseburgers and fries!

sweetpea1977 on 01/12/2006:
Yay! 118.5!! Im keeping my fingers crossed for you! :o)

BTW, I was curious about the amount of exercise you have been doing this week. Are you doing more, less, or the same as the last couple of weeks? Just wondering!

Love ya,


geevee on 01/12/2006:
You have the figs and I, the dates; all pure sugar! I actually looked at them and then was able to put the package down. Instead, I had raw, unsalted sunflower seeds (´┐Żoz.).

The trouble with losing a pound or more is that we tend to then reward ourselves, thereby effectively cancelling out our success. Stick to your guns, girl and keep the downward spiral going.

Runner - Tuesday Jan 10, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 120.0

My weight is back to 120, and it shouldn't be, but Geevee and I both know that having good days doesn't always mean a drop on the scale the next day. In fact, sometimes the scale goes UP before it goes DOWN.

Although I've eaten pretty well the last 2 days, my meals have been saltier than normal, so I just hope that I'm retaining water. I hosted a dinner party last night and I'm pretty proud of how I handled myself. While the rest of my guests (skinny girls included) pigged out on the broccoli cheese soup, jalapeno poppers, cheese and salami, soda, crackers, chips, chocolates and dessert, I ate a small salad, some broccoli from the soup, a few bites of sausage, 2 chocolates, and fruit. And yet MY weight was up this morning. Go figure.

I'm not going to complain about the fact that some of these girls never seem to put on a pound, because my ranting and raving does no good. I simply need to make healthy choices for myself and not compare myself to other people.

I have three days with no meals out (that I know of). This is very good, as I'm ready to get back to making my own healthy meals. This weekend will be harder, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there!

P.S. I miss BTC! I hope she's having a great time in Germany!

Umpqua on 01/10/2006:
Hi Runner, thanks for your encouragement. And congrats on doing so well at your dinner party! It's really tough to compare yourself to other women. My husband is friends with a guy who has had various skinny girlfriends over the years. These ladies run the gamut from naturally skinny to those who simply don't eat...to those who eat a lot at parties but don't eat anything for the rest of the day. I've been in a position where I've tried to model myself after their eating habits - just doesn't work. Good for you for sticking to your own good habits!

BTW, is BTC in Germany? I know she mentioned a long weekend with her husband's basketball team and then I was wondering if they were heading straight to Germany after that. I miss her too!

geevee on 01/10/2006:
How depressing, Runner, to be back up again, but as you said, I'm well acquainted with "the problem"! Ahh, broccoli cheese soup. I won't ask you for that recipe. I know better than to delibrately learn how to make such a wicked, tempting soup, and you know how I love soup! Thank God your curried carrot soup is safe, because I eat buckets of it.

Hang in there. Better days have to come.

sweetpea1977 on 01/11/2006:
Hey Runner,

Im so proud of you for the way you handled yourself at your dinner party! Its funny that you should mention broccoli cheese soup, as I found a health-conscious recipe for broccoli cheddar soup today! I cant wait to try it out!

You're right - there is no point to compare yourself to anyone. Everyone's body is different, so its hard to make a valid comparision when concerning dietary needs.

Anyway, enjoy the healthy meals at home!


Runner - Sunday Jan 08, 2006
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 119.5

Was in the 118's this weekend...not sure why...but I'm back to 119.5 today.

I appreciate all your comments about exercise. You all may be right...I probably need to seriously cut back and just see what happens. But I do think the reason my weight was down after my Hong Kong trip was because I walked everywhere and didn't eat like a pig all weekend. I just ate when I was hungry and ate what I wanted.

I think the root of my problem is that I have times when I overeat and throw my calorie-counting out the window. Some people would call it a binge, but I don't feel like I go crazy. I simply eat several cookies or pieces of cake at once or have a big meal out. But for my body, I can't afford to do that on a regular basis, as I seem to gain weight easily.

What I want to be able to do is get my snacking under control. And I need to eat sugar in moderation. I'm still fighting the same battles I've fought for years. It hasn't really gotten easier, and that's why I'm still here. I know I can get back to 115, but I really have to want to say "NO" to certain foods like chocolate and peanut butter. I usually don't eat those foods in moderation and before I know it, I've consumed an extra 500 calories that my body doesn't need.

The last few weeks have been hard, as I've had a lot of meals out, but I'm ready to get back to my regular routine now. I want to cut back on the exercise a bit, but right now I'm trying to focus on two simple rules:

1. Eat only when I'm hungry. 2. Don't go back for seconds.

Sounds easy, doesn't it?

I can do this. I can do this. I don't need to overeat, and I don't need to binge on sweets. I should have full control over what I put in my mouth, and nobody is going to force food down my throat. I'm an adult, and I can say "NO" when I don't want to eat something.

(I feel like I need an extra pep talk on Mondays!)

geevee on 01/08/2006:
"Eat only when hungry". Hmmm. I thought about that today, watching the clock. I wasn't hungry yet there I was thinking about food, how I would cook it, and that would be soon because after all, it was almost mealtime. The point of this is, I WASN'T HUNGRY!!! It was like a revelation! How stupid could I be? If not for that, I probably wouldn''t have naturally felt hungry for another hour or two, but since it was on my mind, I ate an hour later. For me, the later, the better.

What I've noticed this past week is that my body expects 1500 cal. a day. THIS IS MAINTENANCE! I eat about this much a day and as I've been complaining, it's too much for weight loss! Not swimming doesn't help. Yoga 4 times a week helps, but not enough. The answer is clear enough but I haven't been willing to make the sacrifice. Darn! I'm wondering now how I was ever able to lose the weight I did!

sweetpea1977 on 01/10/2006:
Hey Runner,

I agree with all the folks who commented on your previous entry. Actually, I believe I've mentioned the same thing a couple times in the past. Keep us posted on your situation.

Whew, Im so relieved you got my card. I wonder what the hold up was? I mailed yours along with the rest of them and yours was the only one that was late. Im glad you liked it!

Hope to hear from you soon. We miss ya!


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