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Runner - Saturday Nov 19, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 116.0

It was nice to see a small dip in my weight today...but I'm afraid it won't last, as I have the first of 3 Thanksgiving dinners tomorrow. Can you believe I have to attend 3 Thanksgiving meals in ONE WEEK? Normally, I can escape much of the holiday food hoopla living in a foreign country, but with Thanksgiving, the foreigners seem to go overboard trying to maintain some sort of tradition.

And I guess I can't blame them, as I happen to be hosting two of the 3 meals!!! But with the ones I'm hosting, I will do everything in my power to make the food delicious AND healthy!! So I'm not too worried about the meals where I'm in charge. Plus, when I'm cooking, I'm usually too busy to spend a lot of time eating! Distraction is wonderful when you're on a diet!

I am worried about tomorrow, though...because I'm only bringing a side dish, and two amazing American women are making the rest of the food. They make EVERYTHING from scratch and use a TON of butter...the desserts alone are enough to add 2 pounds on my body. Since it's a church dinner, there will be so much food...and I was a the church helping out today and saw all the amazing goodies that will be on the table. I just hope I can try small samples of everything and not feel the need to seriously gorge myself...because I know everyone else will be pigging out, and I often cave in when I see everyone else eating a ton of food.

But with my stomach, I know that I can't overdo it or I'll be miserable. I just need to keep telling myself that a small piece or a small portion will suffice.

It's so easy to say, but so hard to do! And even though I could use the excuse that "I only get this kind of food once a year," that's not entirely true...and I really need to quit finding excuses to pig out. I can always think of an excuse to overeat, but it's usually never a good one!

I've had a pretty good day today, except for three chocolate truffles I couldn't resist. I thought of you, Umpqua, as I was devouring them!

sweetpea1977 on 11/19/2005:
Hey Runner,

Well, two out of three ain't bad! At least you'll have control of what goes into your tummy at your dinners.

So when you go to the church function, try to keep your healthy menus on the front of your mind and concentrate on the social interactions with your friends and family. The importance of these get-togethers is not the food, but spending time with the people you love!

If you see people pigging out and you start getting the urge to do the same, grab a tall glass of water to keep your hands full.

Enjoy some of the rare goodies - but like you said the holidays arent valid reasons to pig out. Its sad that there isn't a real good reason to overindulge in the things we love. Such is life! :o)

Have a good weekend!

Love ya, Jenny

geevee on 11/19/2005:
It's so hard to exert control when everyone else around you is eating like there's no tomorrow. That's the way my table was yesterday. Everyone was concentrating on the food and we sat in silence. Someone commented about that but still, no one started a conversation.

To make matters more difficult for you, they'll all be asking one another, "Have you tried this? and this?..."

Even when you make a point to take small portions, when there are so many items, they mount up quickly and your plate looks overloaded. That's what happened to me yesterday but it didn't deter me from finishing everything!

I know you have other church dinners during the year, but Thanksgiving and Christmas are special. It's not going to be easy getting through them, Runner.

Like you, when I'm busy cooking I don't think about nor do I have the time to eat myself. Keeping busy and distracted are surefire remedies to the eating problem.

Good luck! and do enjoy the special goodies.

breakaway on 11/19/2005:
CONGRATS on the lose today :) Keep focused at those partys and you will do fine. Glad to see you are hosting two. Have a great weekend.

borntocry on 11/19/2005:
Hi Runner,

Those Thanksgiving dinners sound so awesome - I wish I could go! I know what you mean, though, about the excuse that you only get that kind of food of once a year. I tell myself the same thing all the time - what a joke. I <i>wish</i> I only pigged out on special occasions, or when presented with food that I really can't have very often - then maybe I could let myself enjoy it without guilt. But no, it seems that every few days I'm standing with a box of cereal in hand, stuffing fistfuls of it into my mouth like there's no tomorrow.

Thanks for the comment you left me the other day. I hope you are right and I do simply need to keep my calorie intake above a certain level. Sometimes I fear that you, Princess Teacup, aymalaika and I have all ruined our metabolisms after years of yo-yo dieting. Our bodies have become too skilled at handling deprivation and won't let those fat cells go!

Runner - Friday Nov 18, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.0

Instead of focusing on my health at the moment, I just want to say that I ate 1000 calories last night without realizing how much I was consuming. Or maybe I did realize it and just decided to ingore the "warning" bells going off in my head as I was eating. Usually I count calories as I go throughout my day, but I was a little bummed after my appointment with the fertility doctor, and thoughts of calories went flying out the window.

To console myself, I bought a bag of roasted chestnuts, which are one of my favorite snacks. I probably had about 25 of them...and then got home and "googled" the calories in chestnuts. Although they're low fat and healthy, 3 chestnuts pack at least 50 calories...

And then I stopped at Mister Donut, which I never do, but felt that I deserved it. One and a half donuts and 350 calories later, I decided I should quit eating. But a bag of maple-covered peanuts was calling my name, and only 10 of them added another 300 calories. Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoyed my snacks, but after I realized that they totaled 1000 calories, I forgot about dinner and walked most of the way home.

Thankfully, the chestnuts kept me feeling full, so I didn't need a snack before bedtime, either. But I felt a bit disgusted at myself for skipping my usual healthy dinner for a dinner of chestnuts, donuts, and maple-covered peanuts.

Today has been much better.

And I'll update on my appointment with the fertility doctor when I can sort out my thoughts a bit...

borntocry on 11/18/2005:
Hi Runner,

Roast chestnuts are one of my favourite snacks too... and this is the season for them. I haven't had them in years but the way I've been feeling lately, I think I'm probably going to crack any time now.

I know my troubles are totally inconsequential compared to yours, though, so I'll just stop complaining until I know what happened with your trip to the fertility doctor (although it looks like it didn't go too well, by the sound of things). But don't feel too bad, Runner... no matter what the doctor said, I'm sure there's still hope...

geevee on 11/18/2005:
The way you describe eating the chestnuts, donuts and peanuts is just the way it was for me when I dove into that doggie bag, mind blank and just ate and ate, and like you, didn't eat any more that evening. Another good day ruined!

Umpqua on 11/18/2005:
I think we all have days like that - where we just decide we're going to have some comfort foods and calories be damned! At least you enjoyed your treats. My mother was just telling me now is the best time of year for roasted chestnuts too. I usually get them at Christmas time and often they are moldy or too hard - now I'm going to have to pick some up at the store tonight!

sweetpea1977 on 11/18/2005:
Man, all this talk about roasted chestnuts is making me crave them like the dickens! I've never had them before and it sounds like I am missing out big time.

Anyway, about your snacking binge. It was wrong, but everyone is entitled to a bad day every now and then (and unfortunately, it sounds like yours really sucked). At least you enjoyed every morsel and got some walking in.

As for the fertility news, it can wait until you are ready to share. Hell, you dont have to if you dont feel comfortable. I think the most important thing for you to do now is give yourself some "me" time (take a long hot bubble bath, enjoy a glass of wine and read a book, get a massage). And smile, knowing that you have us by your side. Can you feel the love? :o)

Love, Jenny

Runner - Thursday Nov 17, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.5

Things I've learned recently:

1. Exercise is not the only way to lose weight. If it were, I would be 100 pounds right now.

2. Too much exercise is harmful. It IS possible to have too much of a good thing.

3. Most diet battles are started in the brain, before the food is even placed in front of me.

4. My overall health is more important than my weight. My overall health is more imporant than my weight. My overall health is more important than my weight. (I'm trying to make this one sink in).

5. People will still love me if I gain 10 pounds. In my husband's words, "There's more to love!"

6. Not having a period for 7 years is ABNORMAL. Ignoring the problem won't make it go away.

7. Some of my dearest friends are people I've never even met...people who have listened to my fears and frustrations and have never failed to offer encouragement, advice, and support. Those people are YOU.


I'm going to the top fertility doctor later today. Will keep you posted.

borntocry on 11/17/2005:
Hi Runner,

There's a question which has been plaguing me about you, and which I've asked you several times but you've never answered. The question is this: do you actually have any fat on your body? Because it seems to me that you probably don't, if you don't even have enough for your internal organs. And if that's the case, then all your weight, whether it be 113 lb or 118 lb, comes from skin, bone and muscle. And since exercise maintains muscle mass, there's no way that you could lose any more weight through exercise. What do you think?

Anyway, thanks for the comment you left me. I hope you're right about our bodies going in cycles. I also remember recording my biggest losses after unusually large meals, so maybe I just need to have a big meal one of these days!

Oh and I didn't mean to say that my Algerian bread actually had 5400 calories in it, I just meant that that's what it would have taken to have caused a weight gain of 1.6 lb. Of course I know that wasn't really the case!

Good luck with the fertility doctor!

sweetpea1977 on 11/17/2005:
Hey Runner,

Im so glad that you took all of our comments to heart! :o)

I grew up with real Christmas trees. I always loved the smell of them!! My husband and I got a fake one since they are so much easier to maintain! haha. Did you know that they now sell "perfume" for fake trees to make it smell real? So funny!

Anyway, good luck at the fertility doctor.

Hang in there, hon.


Runner - Wednesday Nov 16, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.0

Once again, I am indebted to you all for your support and advice. I really felt discouraged yesterday, but I'm doing a bit better today. I have a lot of things to mull over, and I really do need to decide what I think is more important---trying to get my body "back on track" or staying at a low weight and sacrificing my time and energy to work out like crazy each and every day.

It should be an obvious choice, of course, but the mind is a powerful thing...and trying to convince myself that I'm okay with gaining weight is a noble goal, but one that is hard to achieve. I loved being 108 pounds a few years ago. I didn't care what anyone else thought...I enjoyed being thin. And I still enjoy being thin. It's something I've worked very hard to maintain, and now I'm being forced to evaluate whether it's worth it.

Although I'm thinking about the future and whether or not I'll be able to have kids, I really don't want a child at the moment. That may change, but I have peace right now about not having kids. I'll still proceed with the fertility doctors, though, because I know that it may take years to get my body figured out! If it took 7 years for me to screw it up this badly, it may take more than a couple of months for me to undo some of the damage!

I'm not going to beat myself up over this, but I have to be realistic and honest with myself. I haven't ovulated naturally in 7 years. I'm "underweight," according to the doctors. I don't have enough "fatty tissue" around my intestines. My estrogen levels have plummeted, causing my bad cholesterol levels to rise. My body is worn out, and my bone density is lower than it should be.

It's ironic, because most people think I am the picture of health when they meet me. Little do they know...

aymalaika on 11/16/2005:
hey girl. Listen, i am sorry my message yesterday was so pesimistic, but i just wanted to share that with you. hopefully you are not in the same boat me as me, and maybe BTC is right, if you can cut down on the exercise a bit and increase body fat then maybe your body will regulate itself. You could always try taking supplements like Omega 3 and 6 Fatty acids to restore some of the good fats t your body. my heart goes out to you, and this struggle you are going through with both your body and your body image.

borntocry on 11/16/2005:
Hi Runner,

I didn't realise you had gotten your weight down to 108 lb. in the past. That's my lowest adult weight too. It's such a great weight to be, isn't it? My upper body was probably a bit skinnier than I would like but I felt like I couldn't look better!

I feel that I'm not quite ready for kids just yet either. My husband and I aren't really even 100% sure we want kids, but I'm afraid that if we don't, I might end up regretting it when it's too late. It's such a hard decision to make, though.

I still think you should consider cutting back on exercise a little bit after your race. I think you could raise your body fat percentage without necessarily gaining weight. For instance my husband hasn't gained a pound since he was eighteen, but his body fat percentage has gone up quite a bit (it was 4% back then!).

What's ironic is that when I first came to know you, I was very different from you in that I found calorie reduction a lot easier than exercise, and greatly envied active people because I believed that exercise was the healthiest way to lose weight and that one could never do too much of it. Now, after what you've gone through, I guess I've changed my mind. I'm sure you can find a healthy balance of diet and exercise which will allow you to maintain your weight without doing further damage to your health. Good luck!

sweetpea1977 on 11/16/2005:
This is going to be a long one, so get comfy. :o)

Runner, Im going to be blunt. I think this is the time for you to be focused on you and your health. You are your first priority, everything else is secondary. Do what you have to do to give your body a break, to decrease the bad cholesterol, to improve the function of your digestive system, and to improve your bone density. I know this may be diffiult to read, but gaining weight may the be only solution to all these problems.

Im not saying gaining the 40 pounds back. That would be way too much. Perhaps all you need is 5 pounds. I know, that sounds like A LOT, but it could be gained all over your body if you play the cards right. The extra weight could be toned muscles if you added some weight training to your exercise program and cut back on the cardio. You would still look fit, be able to eat more calories to keep up with the muscle growth, and gain just a little bit of fat (which would help your body return to its normal funtions).

Ok, thats all I will say for now on that. Next! :o)

Runner, I honestly didnt know how to comment yesterday because I felt like I couldnt really add to all the other comments everyone else left you yesterday. I was at a loss for words on how to comfort my friend. My heart aches knowing that you are dealing with such a difficult and delicate struggle.

If you feel like you aren't ready for kids, then that is ok. You are still pretty young which means you still have time to make such an important life-changing decision. You are right, it may take a while for your body to be in motherhood condition. But how many stories have you heard about older women who had fertility problems giving birth? Infertility problems are quite common around the world and many of them are solved with medical procedures. So I wouldnt worry about the children aspect so much.

And if your body never gets to that fertile point, there is always adoption! One good thing is that you wouldn't have to gain a bunch of weight! :o) And you wouldn't have to deal with the emotional roller coaster that hormones put you through. Anyway, what Im trying to say is that there will always be plenty of newborns out there who will need good homes. Even though I only know you from the online world, its obvious that you are a very loving person and any child would be very lucky to have you as their mother.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for today. Just know that I got your back no matter what you decide to do. I just want my Runner to be happy and healthy.

Love always, Jenny

vvvzena29 on 11/16/2005:
Runner, I know what it's like to be skinny and want to stay that way. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I also know how important it is to be healthy. My lowest weight was 95 pounds. I was so sick all the time! Went up to 100 pounds, still felt awful. I felt my best at 125 pounds. At first it was hard to see my body at that weight, but I felt so good! So much energy, I just felt healthier. My mom was always stuck on being thin. Still is. I always felt pressure to be so thin, from my own mom. She nags at me now, keeps telling me I'm fat. I tell her she needs another boob job, her old one is getting saggy. lol I want her to understand how her comments hurt.

About the fertility thing....anything that causes your body to stop doing a normal function, is bad. That being said, I know you know that, and I know how hard it must be for you to put some weight on. I had 1 miscarriage, and 2 tubal pregnancies. I was told that I would never have anymore kids. I finally accepted it, and focused on loosing weight and getting healthy. Low and behold....I dropped 30 pounds and then came along the baby. lol The doctor said that I probably got pregnant because I lost so much weight. Do me a favor, and do whatever you need to do to get your body in tip top shape. Trust me, when the time comes and you may decide to have children, you don't want to go through all of that heartache. It drains your soul. I don't know how to help you get your mind around gaining weight. I don't think that anyone really can, except for you and only when you're ready. Take one day at a time, and know that you're only human!! Even if you decide to not have kids, and that is perfectly fine, too!..you still need to have your mind and body in the best shape possible. You need to be at ease, and happy. That's what I wish for you. I look in the mirror, and see an overweight body, and it kills me. I've gotten better at accepting myself for what I am at this moment. I beat myself up when I eat too much or the wrong thing. But I refuse to let this weight thing rule my life. I am the ruler of my own destiny. Just know that I am with you on this, and only hope that you can find peace. Sorry so long!:-) Renee

geevee on 11/16/2005:
Runner, let me share with you what I learned from all of my yoga teachers this year. There were six different ones, yet each and every one said the same thing: "Listen to your body. Only do what it allows you to do. Do not push it or you might injure it. It's a lot easier to avoid problems than it is to cure them." They emphasized this constantly in every class.

This idea was expressed with the idea of physical limitations in doing the postures, and there are several others as you have found out.

At first your body reacted to your diet and exercise by shutting down your menstrual cycle. Then it started bloating which your doctor thinks was caused by digestive problems. Now you mention how your estrogen levels have plummeted and your LDL skyrocketed PLUS bone loss!

You are not even 30 yet you are now suffering from problems that beset much older people, esp. bone loss and the LDL. What will happen next? Your body is crying out trying to get your attention. If you ignore these symptoms and continue your current plan you are bound to have even more serious problems.

We're not talking about becoming pregnant now. We're talking about long-term health. When your bones start to go and get brittle, how long do you think they'll be able to take the stress that running puts on them? They're going to break!

Runner, when you have your health, you have everything, and it sounds like you're on the verge of losing it. One system after another in your body is breaking down. What good will it do to be thin and incapacitated and/or in a hospital bed?

You really need to re-evaluate your lifestyle.

breakaway on 11/16/2005:

Runner - Monday Nov 14, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.5

I really feel at the end of my rope at the moment. Yes, to some of you, it may only look like 2 pounds gained, but if you've known me long, you know that anytime I go over 115, I feel fatter...and discouraged...and hopeless.

I don't understand why my body goes in cycles like this. It's not like I can blame it on PMS...I don't even have PMS because I don't menstruate!

I think I'm just discouraged about a lot of things right now. I've had a few appointments with the fertility doctors lately and things aren't looking good. It looks like I'm going to have to take GnRH injections to stimulate the hypothalamus, since my estrogen levels are too low. Pregnancy is almost a joke at the moment...unless I want to try IVF, which I don't! I think I'd rather adopt.

So the bottom line is that due to my excessive exercise, I have single-handedly caused my own infertility. My thyroid may have played a small part, but the fact remains that I used to have periods until I became a distance runner and lost 40 pounds. In an attempt to be healthy and a competitive athlete, I have done more damage to my hormone levels than I ever could have imagined. And bouncing from doctor to doctor for the last 7 years hasn't helped, eithter. So now I have been recommended to see the top fertility doctor in this country who will supposedly help me out.

Friends, this is already a lot for me to mull over...and the weight gain isn't helping at the moment. Once again, my stomach is bloated and I can't pinpoint what is causing it. I thought it might be sugar, but now I'm not so sure...

So today during lunchtime, instead of eating my usual healthy fare, I walked around and bought random things from convenience stores...including some peanut rice thingys, a taro bun, and a blueberry roll filled with more taro. None of them are particularly healthy, and I have NO CLUE as to how many calories are in each. But I'm sure I ate twice as many calories as I probably needed. And where was the fruit and veggies? Well, I skipped those. Because I ate my fruit and veggies yesterday and only saw the scale go UP. And then later this afternoon, I ate some chocolate frosting, peanut butter, and some caramels for no good reason at all. Well, I was mad to see 119.5 on the scale in the middle of the day, so I "consoled" myself with some of my favorite fattening snacks. And that only made me feel worse!

I know I sound ticked off, but I am a bit ticked off. I just want to be normal! I want to be able to eat a normal meal and not see a gain on the scale! Do I have to count calories for the rest of my life? Why do I have to work out for 2 hours just to maintain my weight? And I can't even maintain my weight at the moment! What am I doing wrong?

The bottom line: my body is MESSED UP. And I don't know what to do about it...

aymalaika on 11/15/2005:
hey runner. i don't really know what to say, or how say anything, but i know you are feeling upset and angry at the moment, and i feel that so often too. a few years i go i stopped mensturating due to obsessive exercise and stringent dieting. i was forced into putting on weight, and told by my doctors that i had caused myself to become sterile and it is (still) unsure whether that will evr come right. i have since tried so hard to stabilise but have continued to fluctuate between highs and lows, never able to stabilise as my brain obssesses over the tiniest fluctuation. i have now reached one of my heighest weights (145), and to this day, my periods have still not returned, and my doctors still think i will remain sterile. In addition to that i totally messed up my entirew system through my obbsession leaving me with a digestive system that can no longer process foods such as wheat and dairy, i live on supplements and i have to be careful every minute of everyday... and the saddest part about it all is that i did it to myself. i don't know how far you have gone with yourself, and i know that this offers little encouragement, but i just wanted to let you know that someone understands. understands what it is like to have this chaos in your body and not know what to do. what helped me was seeing a doctor who really understood the situation and helped bring me back towards health through diet, supplements and exercise. i know it seems strange, but it was me that fell of the wagon and backtracked on my progress... but it is possible to recover from this and to have a healthy body that functions and pulses with energy. i hope it goes well with the specialist, and i hope that this little story of mine will let you know that you are not completely alone.

borntocry on 11/15/2005:
Hi Runner,

That was a pretty pessimistic comment you got from aymalaika. I was going to leave you a much more hopeful message. Maybe I don't have as much experience on the subject as she does, but from what I've read, the infertility most long-distance runners experience is only temporary. I have every confidence that once you cut back on the exercise, you will start ovulating again. By your own admittance you are still exercising around three hours a day, which is pretty hardcore. Not to mention your training for that half-marathon. I didn't criticise your decision to do that because I felt it was your choice to have one last hurrah before you begin to try for a baby. But then you can't expect to become fertile just yet. You can't have your cake and eat it too!

In my opinion there's no point going to fertility clinics and thinking about IVF or adoption just yet. Obviously your priority at this point is still running. So why don't you run your half-marathon and then start to cut back a little on the exercise. From what I've read, it's generally around the 20-mile-a-week mark that athletes stop menstruating. So for a start, you could try cutting down to just under 20 miles a week. And if that doesn't work, you could try cutting down even more. I know you won't like that, but it needn't be anything more than a temporary break. If you do get pregnant, you may find that it restores the balance of your hormones as it does with many women. I am sure you will be able to run competitively again afterwards, too.

I know you and I are both scared of gaining weight during pregnancy. I haven't even gone off the Pill yet... and who knows, maybe that's all that's keeping my cycle regular at the moment. But let's face it, if we want to have our own children we are both going to have to gain weight, if not in order to conceive, then certainly once we do! But what is there to be scared of? We've lost weight before - you lost a lot more than me - so what's to stop us losing it again? In fact, many women lose all their pregnancy weight through breast-feeding alone!

Diet and exercise have been the focus of your life for so many years. You are obviously getting fed up of it! This is a great excuse for you to take a little break and focus on something else for a while. If it doesn't work, if you gain weight, if you don't get pregnant or if you do, or if you just decide that you don't want to have a family and would rather concentrate on running after all, well, you can always go back to your former lifestyle. You're young, you can afford to take a few months or even a year or so off. Even professional athletes do it!

As for your taro buns and peanut rice things... well, we all need a little dose of our favourite snacks every once in a while. Although honestly you were only asking for trouble when you stepped on the scale in the middle of the day! Don't do this to yourself, Runner. Why do you make yourself suffer?

If I were you I would try to concentrate on one thing at a time. Right now, you might as well focus on that race since you signed up for it and paid for it. After that, perhaps you can think about starting a family, if that's what you want to do. There's no reason you can't have it all, but just not all at once!

geevee on 11/15/2005:
OH, Runner. You poor dear! I can well imagine how you must feel and the torment you're going through.

First stop kicking yourself. Amalaika's comment shows that you are not alone. BTC covered most bases with her thorough analysis.

One point I must heartily agree with her on is the fact that you've been advised that you have so little fat in your body that you can't become pregnant, yet when you gain two pounds you are upset by it. That doesn't make sense. You're going to have to gain some weight if you want to become pregnant. You continue to push your body by strenuous daily exercise of several hours.

You have to decide what your major priority is and then follow a plan, just as you did when you lost 40 pounds. You can't continue to exercise at the rate you are, gain fat yet not weight! Something has to give. You can't have it both ways.

One thing I can assure you of is that being pregnant is a very pleasurable time. I never felt better! It's hard to explain. My daughter said the same.

By the way, be sure and let your doctors know about your rigorous regimen. They probably assume that you have cut back

Umpqua on 11/15/2005:
Runner, I'm so sorry to hear about how upset you are. The comments already left here are good ones, and I can't really add anything from personal experience. I've never been considered underweight, and I've certainly never exercised to the extent you have. But Geevee is right - you will have to gain weight if you hope to become pregnant. And according to BTC's statistics, it sounds like you will have to cut back on the exercise as well. So I guess you're going to have to find a way to accomplish these goals that you are comfortable with - slowly perhaps, but eventually your body will adjust and maybe you'll learn to be happy with some new habits?

gigi43 on 11/15/2005:
Hey, Runner -

I've been wondering for awhile how tall you are. I wonder because when I was 118 people were scared I was anorexic and I'm only 5'2". And the fact that you've stopped menstruating leads me to believe you are taller than that because my cycle never stopped.

I have also been wondering if you solely do cardio or if you have a weight routine as well. Weights can really tone your body even if you have some "extra" weight on you. Maybe what you don't like about gaining is that you don't feel as toned, but a weight routine would help with that while also adding "good" bulk to your body. And I also know from being an experienced bloater that ab work like crunches helps me feel better about my bloated tummy because the tighter muscles help pull in the bloat a bit better.

Also, what about revisiting a nutritionist to see if she can pinpoint the problem and a possible solution?

These are just suggestions. For the past month it's almost been heartbreaking to read about your struggle with your body image. I hope you can find something to make you feel better.

Take Care,


Runner - Sunday Nov 13, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 117.0

117 today, AFTER my run. I didn't have the courage to weigh myself before my run...it probably would have been 118.5!

That's discouraging, as I feel the loss is completely unfair.

But my stomach is bloated again, and I'm going to blame this "gain" on my body having trouble digesting my food...I had some simple carbs last night, and I think those wreck havoc on my system.

How do I know this? Because I was 116 before dinner and 120 before bed. In the short span of 3 hours, I "gained" four pounds and wasn't able to "lose" them overnight like I used to. I still need to be careful with my calorie count for the day, so I'm back to my usual fruit, protein, and veggies diet today...and am going to stay away from the simple carbs as much as possible.

I sure hope I see at least 116 tomorrow! It's discouraging to see the scale go up two pounds overnight.

breakaway on 11/13/2005:
Hope you see the number you want tomorrow! Your doing just fine :) Hang in there and have a wonderful day!

geevee on 11/13/2005:
Oh, Runner, we've both been through this many times. You KNOW it's a blip. It can't be anything else. You're going to drive yourself nuts getting on the scale so often. Even though we know the evening weight is temporary it doesn't do our mental state any good to confirm it, right?

I've learned to refuse that temptation in the evening and only weigh AFTER my swim. That's it!

Since my doctor's "urgent" call about my cholesterol - they go into panic mode so easily and are so ready to put patients on statins at $100 a month which doesn't sound good to me, I've found that the fruit, protein and veggie diet is a wonderful change.

After a week and a half of high fat, fast food eating, it's just what I need, and my weight shows it.

So go to it and eat to your heart's content!

borntocry on 11/14/2005:
Hi Runner,

It sucks that your weight is up... I'm sure it's the bloating, though. I'll bet that's the reason I weighed in at 117 lb. last weekend, too, after two weeks of sticking to my diet! I let that totally throw me off track, but I'm glad to see you're stronger than that.

Just out of curiosity, what were those simple carbs you had the other day? I want to know what to watch out for!

Runner - Saturday Nov 12, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 115.5

I was pleasantly surprised to see 115.5 after my run this morning...and even though I lost a lot of water, I feel much more "normal" than I have in awhile!!

I did end up running the race this morning, and I'm glad I did, as my ankle didn't bother me much at all, and I ended up taking 1st place for women. But I didn't win a prize, much to my disappointment. Whenever I did well in races in the U.S., I'd always win something---but here, the prizes are either really cheesy (one time I won a rice cooker), or there aren't any prizes at all! Oh, well. It was just nice to get out and get the competitive juices flowing again! When I race, I want to win so badly I can literally taste it.

I had peanut butter, cheese, and a hot fudge sundae yesterday, so I'm going to try to cut back on the fat today. Like Geevee, I really need to watch my cholesterol, too, so I should be careful with the saturated fat. Plus, those foods are all highly caloric, so if I continue to eat like that, I'll start seeing 118 again!

geevee on 11/13/2005:
How strange not to give prizes. Not even a ribbon, certificate, etc? Well, you're self-motivated anyway, so it really doesn't matter, but it would be nice to say you won something. I almost forgot. Congratulations!And I'm glad to see you're down again. I swear, one little pound makes such a difference! It makes me feel "thin" which automatically raises my spirts and encourages me not to go astray.

kelly2112 on 11/13/2005:
1st Place - Excellent!!!


borntocry on 11/13/2005:
Hi Runner,

Congratulations!! I can't believe you came first and still didn't get a prize, though. Still, you came <i>first</i> - how awesome is that? Glad you treated yourself to a little sundae, at least!

Runner - Thursday Nov 10, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 116.5

Up a half pound, but it could be worse. I was expecting a slight gain, and I was actually 118 this morning. My buffet meal last night wasn't too bad...I enjoyed my usual fare, but there were also some new tempting side dishes that I tried as well. I left full but not stuffed. So I guess that's improvement!

Today I had a late breakfast/ early lunch at a vegetarian place, where you can choose your food cafeteria-style. BTC, I wish you could have been with me! They had the best delicacies made from sweet potatoes and purple sweet potatoes! I thoroughly enjoyed my meal, and I have absolutely no clue how many calories it was, but I'm not stressing out over it. I chose healthy veggies and carbs, but I do suspect that some of them were fried. It's hard to tell, when they're smothered in a sauce. Anyway, after four days of eating out, I'm ready to EAT IN for awhile.

Eating out is dangerous for me, because that's usually when I find an excuse to "break the rules" of my normally rigid diet. Although I fully believe in having opportunities to splurge, I know first-hand what happens if I allow big splurges on a daily basis. My first year of marriage, I found any excuse I could to eat ice cream every day, and I shouldn't have been surprised when I gained 8 pounds in a year. So I know that I need to stick to my healthy meals and snacks as much as possible and make dining out the exception to the rule, not the norm.

borntocry on 11/11/2005:
Hi Runner,

Wow - well done at the buffet!! I must try to remember this the next time I'm faced with a buffet. Hopefully it will inspire me to stay in control too!

And you're right - I loved the sound of that cafeteria-style brunch you had. I've read/heard so much about purple sweet potatoes but I've never had them! Do they taste the same as the regular kind?

Thanks for the comment you left me. I have bought my new scale and it is a digital one - it's that Tanita brand which I've read a lot about recently. I also prefer the digital kind, because there's less temptation to get on and off and twist around in an effort to get the needle to move down! And thanks for asking about the water intake - I did pretty well on that yesterday but I need to step it up today if I want to do the same! It's a good thing you reminded me!

Runner - Thursday Nov 10, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 116.0

After yesterday's meal out, I thought I'd see a gain on the scale, so I was surprised that I was still 116. (pleasantly surprised) But I'm not holding my breath...because just when I think I'm maintaining my weight, it will shoot up 2 pounds or something.

I have ANOTHER meal out tonight, which is making me a bit nervous. My husband I have "date nights" at least twice a month, and I think we're going to one of my favorite places tonight---I always get the same thing (the salmon), which is healthy, but I tend to overdo it on the salad bar. Not with the salad, mind you...but with the appetizer and dessert options! Anyway, I was hoping to have a very low-cal day so I could enjoy tonight's meal, but I've already had about 800 calories so far. I guess I need to change my mindset about buffets and realize that I don't HAVE to overeat just because I can eat as much as I want!

Although I've done pretty well at eating smaller meals more frequently, I still have this crazy urge to pig out when I'm faced with a buffet. But, like BTC, I know how awful it feels to overeat, and I just don't feel like going to bed with a huge, bloated stomach.

So my goal is to enjoy my salmon (maybe I'll split it with my hubby!), enjoy the corn soup, have some fresh fruits and veggies, and go EASY on the desserts. Maybe a few bites of ice cream or something...

Now that I've told you my plan, I feel responsible to follow it through.

I'll report back tomorrow...

borntocry on 11/10/2005:
Hi Runner,

Oh no - a buffet!! I'll be sending you strong thoughts...

Thanks for the comment you left me. I don't think I'm going to bother going to a doctor about my little problem just yet. Hopefully it will go away once I start eating right again. And I should have plenty of incentive with my new scale!

By the way, I love this "date night" idea! Maybe I could suggest something similar to my husband... but he'd probably spend the whole night complaining about how in America everything would be half the price and there'd be free refills...

Becca27 on 11/10/2005:
Hi Runner!! Thanks for your comments. I'm so glad to see you're still here. I hope you are doing well. My husband and I try hard to have regular date nights, too. They're so important - especially when life is hectic. Buffets never tempt me - I've seen too many expose's (sp?). My largest battle is with vending machines and anything not nailed down in my house. HA!

Runner - Wednesday Nov 09, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 116.0

I'm thankful to still be at 116, even after a meal out yesterday that was filled with plenty of delicious fried food. I tried to go easy, but I know how highly caloric some of it was. And today was no better. I had another meal out and by the time we ate, I was starving. So the 10 shrimp dumplings and shrimp ball soup was devoured with little guilt on my part. To top it all off, my host gave me 6 little donut holes, and I ate 5 of them. Donut holes are a very rare treat here...so I tried not to feel too badly about eating them. A Japanese donut chain has finally come to our country, and it's quite popular at the moment. All these skinny Chinese girls are walking around with bags of donuts...if they can continue to stay skinny while eating those donuts, then I'll be convinced that the Asians really are blessed with "skinny" genes.

Unfortunately, I think I'm on the verge of a running injury. The timing is terrible, as I was just starting to train harder for my race next month. And I was going to run a 6km race this Saturday for cancer research. But my ankle is bothering me, and I know I might need to take a few days off. That freaks me out, as I can barely maintain my weight even though I run and hike every day. I just wish I knew what is wrong...if it's serious or just a pulled muscle or something.

borntocry on 11/09/2005:
Hi Runner,

I'm glad to see that you've been enjoying some nice food with no ill-effects. Let's hope that trend continues!

I wasn't so glad to read about the running injury, though. I think you should definitely take a few days off. That way you might be able to nip it in the bud, and then you won't lose too much training time for the race next month. And even if do you gain a couple of pounds after a few days without exercise, you will lose them once you start training in earnest. Think about it - you know it's true!

And thanks so much for that long comment you left me. It must have taken you ages to write! I'm so grateful. You did give me a lot of food for thought, and I think you're right that my stomach probably has just shrunk, making it possible for me to actually - wonder of wonders - overeat! In the past I knew when I had eaten too much only after calculating the calories I had consumed, and it was often kind of scary just how much I could eat without even realising it! It's funny you should mention eating contests, because every time I heard about one, I was always sure I could win it. People never believed me but to this day I'm sure I could have done it!

However, maybe my stomach is no longer what it used to be. And you're right - that is so totally a good thing! Just because it didn't complain in the past, that doesn't mean it was happy to constantly be stuffed to the brim all the time. Now that I know I can't get away with eating vast quantities of food, maybe I will be able to make better choices. Like if I know I'm going to be going out to a restaurant for dinner, I can make sure to eat less during the day. I am sure it will be hard for me, as I've never had to think like that in the past - I was never one of those girls who had to "leave room" for dessert! - but it will certainly help me avoid those all too frequent food fests! And I can do without those, that's for sure!

geevee on 11/09/2005:
My yoga teachers would constantly preach about "listening to your body" and how avoiding a problem is so much easier than the cure. Their take on exercise is the opposite of the football coaches who encourage players to work through the pain and keep at it.

You don't want to mess up your ankle. Give it a few days rest until it feels normal again before resuming your training.

That Japanese donut company - Do they also make Chou creams? That was my son's downfall in Osaka. He couldn't just have one. It wasn't enough. Everyday he'd have two. He said there was always a line at every single one of the places.

sweetpea1977 on 11/09/2005:
The meal out yesterday sounded awesome. Im glad you enjoyed them with little guilt as possible.

Im sorry to hear about the running injury. Just take it easy to see if it takes care of it self. If it doesnt go away in a couple of days, go to the doc to see if it is a slight sprained ankle or a pulled muscle. I hope it goes away, because I know how hard it can be to "take it easy" when trying to keep weight under control. Remember, I sprained my ankle TWICE this past spring and it was so hard for me to not exercise! But your overall health is most important, which involves your foot! :o)

By the way, you had asked about my "goal weight". My first goal is to be 150lbs by the end of the year. I dont know if that will happen, due to my 3 pound gain, but Im going to try my best to make that goal! After I reach 150, Im going to work towards 140. I have my 10 year high school reunion to go to at the end of June 2006 and I want to weigh LESS than I did my senior year in high school. My final goal will probably be set in between 135-140. Ideally, I want a toned body and less body fat and wear a size 6-8 (single digits!!!). And when I become pregnant, I hope to stay active throughout the pregancy so I dont have to completely start over after I become a mother. :o)

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