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Runner - Sunday Aug 14, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 112.5

Had a great weekend until tonight...I lost it over some sweets. After two big pieces of highly caloric cake, 1/2 an ice cream bar, and some coated peanuts, I'm feeling rather sick and very guilty.

I should have been motivated to maintain my 112.5. But I blew it...and I can't afford to consume hundreds of extra calories in fifteen minutes.

Plus, I am leaving soon for another 3-day trip. Yikes! Heaven help me. I'm not off to a very good start...

Anyway, I've got to run---will try to catch up on your entries soon!

borntocry on 08/15/2005:
Hi Runner,

Thanks so much for the comment you left me. I was touched to read how you remember the days before my wedding and how you've seen me go from having a "boyfriend" to a "boyfriend/husband" and finally a "husband"! I often think about how you guys have lived through one of life's biggest milestones with me. It really doesn't seem like it's been a whole year already, does it?!

Anyway, I thought a lot about what you wrote and I think you are right - I should try to discuss my interests more with other people so that I don't have to rely on my husband, who doesn't share these interests, for feedback. The problem is that both cooking and running are relatively recent interests for me, so most of my friends aren't familiar with those sides of me. But a few months ago, my best friend in America introduced me to a friend of hers who was in Paris for six months, and the two of us found that we had a lot in common, including an interest in food and cooking (she makes tortillas from scratch!). Although she's back in America now, we're still in touch - and she's started running! So I think I'm going to try to e-mail her more often from now on - I'm sure she'd appreciate it! And then there's also my mother - she used to be a caterer, and I'm sure that she also would love to hear from me more often.

I wish I could also follow your suggestion to teach a cooking class... but I don't think I'd ever have the confidence! Especially considering how snooty the French are when it comes to cuisine! I think it's so cool that you've started doing that... I only wish I could attend!

But I think I might take your advice on arranging a "date night" with my husband from time to time. I actually suggested this to my husband a few weeks ago and we decided to start by going to watch a movie together - only when we got to the cinema we found that it was dubbed into French! And somehow I guess we just gave up on the idea after that! But I think it's time to try again - once I get my husband away from the computer and television set he won't have any choice but to talk to me!

Thanks so much for all your great advice. I feel much more optimistic about things now!

Runner - Saturday Aug 13, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 112.5

I like Saturdays, as my weight is usually down. I drank a ton of water yesterday, so I hope I flushed all of that sodium out of my system! The last 2 days have been fine, probably because I haven't been baking anything! If I can just stay out of my kitchen and the cupboards, then I'm okay! I still have a lot of unopened goodies from the U.S., but I plan to keep them unopened for awhile!

I have been craving bananas lately. I just ate two of them. I wonder if I'm low on potassium or something.

I've also been craving cottage cheese, but I'm not willing to pay $6 for about 2 cups of it at the export store. I'm too cheap.

sweetpea1977 on 08/13/2005:
3:40am (up early to watch meteor showers)

Hello my water twin! I also drank a ton of water last night (after I updated my entry). I haven't weighed myself yet, since Im not officially "up" yet. Anyway, glad to see your weight went down for ya. Hope mine does the same.

I actually used my own "recipe" for the chicken fingers. I just replaced my flour and eggs with the bisquick and eggbeaters. I like spicy fingers, so I used a Cajun season on the meat and salt and pepper in the batter and fried it up in a little bit of oil. Yummy. I may try it the bisquick way next time to see how it turns out (baking it and using their seasoning).

I love bananas and havent had any for about two weeks since my fiance grew tired of them. I may get some next week despite his boredom with them.

Have a good weekend brilliant Runner! ;o) (glad I could make ya smile!)

borntocry on 08/13/2005:
Hi Runner,

You must be so happy - your weight is down again! Maybe you should only weigh yourself on weekends, hehe! Seriously, though, I know I used to advise you to only weigh yourself once a week, but then I realised that this might not be such a good idea if your weight fluctuates a lot. As geevee said in her last comment to you, what if you happen to weigh yourself on the one day of the week that your weight is up? That could ruin your whole week instead of just your whole day!

Now I'm actually thinking of buying a scale of my own once I move into my new apartment. Let's see how often I end up weighing myself when I can do it all the time! After all, I'm every bit as obsessive as you are, if not more!

Thanks for the comment you left me. Brioche is a lot like challah. I have always loved that sort of thing. Oh, and I also sometimes find myself craving bananas, and I've also wondered if it could be due to a potassium deficiency. Or it could just be that I really like bananas, of course. Once when I was eight years old I had seven bananas in one go!

geevee on 08/13/2005:
Even though the price is exhorbitant, at least you can find cottage cheese which I couldn't when I was in Shanghai. You're right. $6 is a high price to pay. I think $2+ is high to pay here.

As for low calorie Klondike Bars. They are probably available but Jim would never buy them. He believes in FULL calories - no stinting! I'm waiting for his comment about my FF mayo at 10cal a Tbl. and wonder why he hasn't said anything yet. I, myself, think it's a great substitute and maybe he does too but won't admit it.

He hasn't baked yet though he's promised. As long as I'll have to eat one of his fattening creations, I told him him favorites of Key Lime Pie and cheesecake.

Runner - Friday Aug 12, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 114.5

Last night was really tough. The food was excellent, but most of it was fried, and I'm having a "salt" hangover today, as you can tell by my pound and a half gain. Actually, I saw the number 119 on the scale last night before bed---can you believe it? How is it possible for me to "gain" five pounds of water/sodium weight? But that's what happens to my body...I just blow up like a balloon so easily!

I know I should have said "no" to some of the extra helpings I had last night, but I really enjoyed the food, and I rarely eat that kind of food. Dessert was a disappointment...I have been eyeing a particular ice cream place for awhile, but I should have known it wouldn't live up to my expectations.

The ice cream was mediocre, the toppings were pathetic, and the whipped cream was way too thick. But, unfortunately, I ate about half of it. Why? I'm not sure...maybe because I was craving something cold after our meal!

Anyway, I hope I can do better this weekend and get back to 113. So far so good today...

jolt on 08/12/2005:
Hang in there, you can do it! I know what you mean about the 5lbs I am the same way, especially if I eat a lot of carbs or anything like that.



aymalaika on 08/12/2005:
hey runner. thanks for the comments. i'm glad to know that someone out there understands. i really soemtimes wonder if i'm just slightly cooked in the head, because i thought no one else did this, or had such a weirs relationship with food. i don't live alone, that's also what makes it difficult. everyone eats so differently from me, and temptation just stares me in the face. oh well, i gotta get a grip. they enjoy their food, i cab't ask them to deprive themselves! it's a good idea to become acountable. i will speak to someone at home and see if they can help me gain control of myself. thank you. its really good to know i am not alone in this

borntocry on 08/12/2005:
Hi Runner,

I know you can't help but weigh yourself every day, but do you have to weigh yourself at night, too?? I know you're probably just curious, but weighing yourself at the end of the day is just asking for trouble. You're carrying the weight of everything you ate and drank during the day. Do you know one pint of water weighs one pound? That's just two glasses of water. So if you drink eight glasses of water a day, that's four pounds right there!

Thanks for the comment you left me. I also had difficulty running when I first got back from America. I think it's probably just hard to adjust to the different climate conditions, and there are also lingering effects of jet-lag to take into account. That's supposedly worse when you fly east, so even though you've been back for a while you could still be getting over it.

I know what you mean about being afraid to stop running. I feel the same way now too! At first, running was sort of like a bonus for me - a way to get rid of a few extra calories. Now that it's part of my lifestyle I fear that I've come to depend on it to maintain my metabolism! But you know, if our metabolisms have indeed adjusted to our running, I'm sure they will also adjust if we stop. What I really can't bear is the thought of losing all the new muscle tone in my legs! You may have naturally shapely legs, but I don't!

sweetpea1977 on 08/12/2005:
Hey Runner,

I ate a bunch of salt last night and I saw it on the scale this morning. But I dont regret it because dinner was EXCELLENT. I plan on flushing it all out with a ton of water today. For me, drinking a bunch of water on the day before a weigh-in seems to do magic on the scale.

I agree with BTC. Never weigh yourself at night, because curiousity will sometimes "kill" you. Im glad I read her comment because I had no idea that only 2 glasses of water weighs a pound. Good grief!!

Anyway, Im glad you enjoyed dinner last night, especially since it was something you dont eat often. However, I am sorry about the disappointing ice cream. I thought to myself, she should have known better! And then saw you said the same thing. Do I know my Runner or what? :o)

Have a great weekend!

legcramps on 08/12/2005:
Good luck on the weekend!

geevee on 08/12/2005:
Your fluctuations are as bad as mine! Can you imagine not weighing all week and then getting on the scale on the day that your weight is up? I know that is exactly what wold happen to me and then I'd really be depressed!

Eating what you normally don't eat at that dinner was the same as my sampling the conch fritters yesterday. I've never, ever cooked them, but I sure did take advantage of the opportunity to try them.

geevee on 08/12/2005:
Your fluctuations are as bad as mine! Can you imagine not weighing all week and then getting on the scale on the day that your weight is up? I know that is exactly what wold happen to me and then I'd really be depressed!

Eating what you normally don't eat at that dinner was the same as my sampling the conch fritters yesterday. I've never, ever cooked them, but I sure did take advantage of the opportunity to try them.

Runner - Wednesday Aug 10, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 113.0

Holding steady to 113...I hope I can see that number tomorrow, as I have a meal out tonight. It will be good food and I'll be with a large group, so the temptation to overeat will be strong, I'm sure. I think we're going to go out for dessert, too, so I'm planning to split something with my husband and making him eat most of it! :)

I almost stuck to my plan yesterday until someone gave me two pieces of chocolate, which I promptly ate. And I sampled a couple of the goodies I baked for a friend. But I stopped myself before things got out-of-control, thankfully!

One day at a time. I just have to take things one day at a time!

jolt on 08/11/2005:
HI Runner! Sorry I haven't commented in a bit :( You are doing great! Keep up the awesome work! good idea sharing desert, share dinner as well. Me and my DH will each order an appy with salad and split the appys its great! :)

Hope you ahd a great time


aymalaika on 08/11/2005:
hey! you doing really well with maintainging your weight so low... i wish i could get myself down there! you are so right, we cna only take this one day at a time, one step at a time, and try to come to a point of balance and comfort... you are getting there! totally aware of your triggers and planning ahead to avoid losing it! you got it going girl.. i just hope i can learn to follow your lead

sweetpea1977 on 08/11/2005:
Hey Runner,

Thanks for the comment you left me on Wed's entry. Im so excited about the possibility of wearing a single digit by the end of the year. Size 6 sounds like a dream right now, but it could happen if I want it to happen! :o)

Holding steady at 113. Thats great! I think you handled yourself quite well around the baked goodies yesterday. I also like your plan of sharing your dessert (unevenly) with your husband. A few spoonfuls will taste the same as the entire dessert so there's no need to stock up on empty calories (except when its ice cream!!). :o)

One day at a time. That should be your new motto! :o)

Have a great day!

borntocry on 08/11/2005:
Hi Runner, I think you did really well yesterday. You showed that you are able to make room for unexpected treats like the chocolate and the baked goodies without going completely off-track. I often find it easier to avoid treats altogether than to control myself around them, and I'm sure it's the same for you. So well done!

Now here's my recipe for that carrot dessert. It's normally made in vast quantities, dripping with butter and sugar, and takes a entire day, but this is my scaled-down, relatively healthy, and much quicker version:

6 carrots (preferably red ones)<br> 1/4 cup butter<br> 1/2 cup instant milk powder<br> 1/3 cup dark brown sugar<br> 2 tbsp raisins<br> 2 tbsp nuts (cashews, pistachios, or slivered almonds)

Clean the carrots and cut them into slices. Then boil them until soft and mash well.

Heat the butter and fry the mashed carrot mixture until most of the moisture has evaporated, then add the instant milk powder and keep stirring until it dissolves and the carrot mixture turns a rich, dark red colour (about half an hour?). Then add the sugar and cook for a few more minutes. The halwa should start leaving the sides of the pan (clumping together a little bit). At this point add the raisins, cook for another couple of minutes, and then serve garnished with nuts.

The tricky part is knowing how long to cook the carrot mixture. The last time I made it, I think I didn't cook it enough, because it still looked and tasted kind of milky at the end.

The finished carrot halwa should look something like <a href="http://www.eecs.berkeley.edu/~ambuj/photos/2002/gajar%20ka%20halwa.jpg" target="_blank">this</a>, although <a href="http://www.geocities.com/pulpsong/img/gajjarhalwa.jpg" target="_blank">this</a> is apparently what it looks like on the streets of India!!

Runner - Tuesday Aug 09, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 113.5

I had a plan yesterday, and I stuck to it until about 7:00pm...and then, for some insane reason, I decided to abandon the plan and eat whatever sounded good to me. To make matters worse, I started baking something new...that ended up being a trigger food. Needless to say, I ended the day with probably 500-600 calories more than I had planned on consuming. And instead of eating healthy foods for dinner, I had candy, peanut butter, cereal, and some cookie dough. Pathetic.

So although I have come a long way, I still feel like I have a long ways to go...and last night was a wake-up call.

Today is a new day, and I plan to stick to my plan!

borntocry on 08/10/2005:
Hi Runner,

Perhaps your plan was too strict, and you were feeling deprived? I find I often have to work some baking into my daily plan, because despite all my best intentions the urge to bake is just too strong - I always succumb in the end!

Thanks for the message you left me. To answer your question, I never use curry powder - it's an abomination invented by the West! Actually, even the word "curry" is a Western invention. In India there are many different styles of cooking, and dishes are flavoured using different combinations of individual spices, depending on the dish in question. A good recipe will tell you which spices to use. When I first started cooking Indian food, I relied mostly on recipes by Madhur Jaffrey - her books are good because they're aimed at Western cooks, so she explains where to get different ingredients and how to substitute for the ones that are hard to find. But now I'm branching out to more specific regional dishes and for those I tend to rely on the Internet instead.

I've never really made a lot of Thai food, but Indian food is often thickened with yogurt - the yogurt must be stabilised beforehand by whipping it with a little cornstarch, though, otherwise it can curdle when added to the hot sauce. That seems to work pretty well for me, but you could probably just use cornstarch as well. I've done that before with a Chinese-style stir-fry and it worked for me (the stir-fry itself wasn't a great success, but for different reasons!).

I'll post the recipe for the carrot halwa later today - although maybe I should wait a few days so it doesn't tempt you to stray from your plan! Oh and by the way, what was the new thing you baked which ended up being a trigger food (I've a feeling I'm going to regret asking this, but...)?

sweetpea1977 on 08/10/2005:
I agree with you. We all have come a long way on this weightloss/healthy lifestyle journey, but we all have a long way to go. The truth is that this is a lifelong commitment, so we are bound to make mistakes every now and then. The key is not to beat yourself up over it and treat this mistake as a lesson.

Each day is another chance to do well and Im sure you are going to make the most of today! :o)


geevee on 08/10/2005:
OH, it sounds so familiar! I did the same thing yesterday despite my lapses earlier in the day, I finished the night with a half a ham sandwich and some leftover ropa vieja and rice which I didn't need. Will I ever learn?

Umpqua on 08/10/2005:
Nights are always toughest for me too when it comes to snacking. And now I'm stuck in my bedroom for another 2 nights while I'll floors dry - with TV, the Internet and food as the only ways to pass time! Hopefully the stench from the varnish will curb my appetite. Today IS a new day, and I'm going to try to stick to my polan too - good advice!

Runner - Monday Aug 08, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 113.0

Becca recently reminded me of how far I've come...thanks, Becca! I needed that. I've been contributing to this site for 2 1/2 years now...and sometimes I forget all the progress I HAVE made because I'm concentrating so hard on a certain number on the scale.

Of course, I was pleased to see 113 again this morning, but I always feel like I'm holding my breath...because I'm sure it won't last as long as I'd like it to!

However, today I'm going to focus on the positive things I've done for myself...

*I've become a much healthier eater...I love fruits and veggies and lean proteins and complex carbs

*I've stopped crying about weight fluctuations

*Those "out-of-control" eating moments are fewer and far in-between now

*I've learned how to read food labels in Chinese so I know what I'm buying in the grocery store

*I've learned from other people's successes AND mistakes

*I've realized that my self-worth is NOT determined by what I weigh

So even though I still have a long ways to go...and I know that I still obsess too much over food and calories...and I know I need to relax a bit on the exercise at times, I HAVE come a long way.

Thanks, Becca, for the reminder.

borntocry on 08/09/2005:
Hi Runner,

Thanks for your comment. I'm glad to see you looking back on all the positive changes you've made. I too think that you have come a long way. I feel that you are more confident now in your ability to control your weight. Though it may be hard to see these fluctuations for what they are, you know that even if you do gain a little here and there, you can and will lose it again.

I saw an inspirational sight on the promenade last weekend and thought of you: a runner with a child on his shoulders! The child was at least five years old, too. His wife and daughter were riding bikes in front of him. I was completely awed by the sight!

sweetpea1977 on 08/09/2005:
Hey Runner,

Im glad you have finally realized how far you have come. I, too, read over your early entries (about a month or two ago) and noticed quite a difference in your confidence level from day 1 to the present.

This list of accomplishments is awesome. I think you should print it and put it in a place of honor..on the fridge, on your desk, on your nightstand. Put it somewhere so it can be a constant reminder of your achievements. Perhaps keep it on a disk, because you may have future accomplishments to add on to it. :o)

Have a good day!


Runner - Sunday Aug 07, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 114.0

There is absolutely no reason I should be 114 today. I was 115 before my run.

Yesterday morning, I was 112.5.

I did enjoy the meal on Saturday night, but I didn't overdo it. And yesterday was a low-cal day for me. (About 1600) I also ran for an hour and walked for over 2 hours.

So the weight GAIN is due to.....?????

Ah, well. I should be used to this by now. My body NEVER responds in the way I think it should.

My husband thinks my goal of maintaining 112 or 113 is just crazy. He thinks I should be content with 115 and just let it go.

He's really supportive, but I know my constant exercise and calorie counting drives him a little batty at times. He just wants me to chill out a little...and not care so much about the number on the scale. I wish I could...I really wish I could.

But I never want to go back to 152 pounds...so I have to be a little obsessive, right?

geevee on 08/08/2005:
Absolutely! I'm with you 100% on this. Your fluctuations are as wierd and unexplainable as mine are.

I, too, would look at 115 as the limit; the RED zone. You're right on in wanting to stay below it. You do need those couple of pounds leeway.

I had a couple of days when I went below 125, my RED zone, but that was at Christmas, the worst time of the year. The rest is history. You surely don't want to be in the predicament I'm in, consistently being 2-3lbs above your goal.

You have the right to be upset on seeing 114. It's too close for comfort.

I'm glad you got through the dinner all right.

Maybe tomorrow you'll be two pounds lighter.

Runner - Saturday Aug 06, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 112.5

Saturdays are good to me! I saw 112.5 this morning. (After my run, of course)

But that's an improvement!

Tonight is the big meal. As Geevee said, I'll be okay, since I've already prepared myself mentally and physically. Mentally, I know that there will be a lot of food, so I'll take small helpings and force myself to eat less. Physically, I've worked out for 2 hours today doing a variety of things, and I've avoided an afternoon snack and eaten healthy foods for breakfast and lunch.

I'm starting to crave ice cream again, though...after having it every day for 3 weeks, I'm going through withdrawl! But I just can't bring myself to eat the highly caloric stuff here that doesn't even taste good!

geevee on 08/06/2005:
What is it with these cravings we've been having? I don't remember having them like I do now when I was a "big" girl many pounds heavier! It seems as if every week there's a different one. BTC has the same problem.

I calmed the pizza craving and replaced it with challah. Bad choice! Now a desire for butter is starting to fester. When I think of challah, I see it covered with a thick layer of butter. M-m-m-mmm.

Lord help me and prevent a desire for ice cream. I love the stuff!

sweetpea1977 on 08/06/2005:
Yay, 1 pound gone!

Im sorry about the ice cream withdrawal. Its hard to imagine living in a place where good ice cream isnt available!! I hope the craving eases with time.

At least it sounds like you will do just fine with today's feast. Good job on preparing for it. Enjoy!

Umpqua on 08/06/2005:
Good job on maintaining during and after your trip! I wouldn't want to eat inferior ice cream (or ice product as the case my be) - it's just not worth the calories for something that doesn't taste as good. It just goes to show what being active can do for you. I've eaten ice cream, cookies, cake and other types of comfort foods over the last week but all the activity seems to have balanced it out. I still need to get back to healthy eating though, since I know how addictive that sugar can be!

becca27 on 08/07/2005:
Hi Runner,

Thanks for your encouragement. I feel more stressed out than EVER. It will be a lot easier when everyone is back in school. I think most of my stress is coming from guilt related to not being there for my kids as I've been their whole lives. I do believe, though, that this is a great opportunity and in 6 mo I'll be much more relaxed.

You really did well maintaining on your trip. I know the key is to stay active and eat everything in moderation. You have a healthy outlook - you know that what you eat counts, but you are able to allow yourself treats and forgive yourself when you overdo it.

Have you ever looked through you old entries - from when you first started in here and noticed the change in your attitude and overall outlook on who you are? It's great to go back and see how far you've come.

Runner - Thursday Aug 04, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 113.5

I'm holding steady to 113.5, so at least I'm not gaining...

I think I'm just disappointed because I saw 112.5 the day after I returned from the U.S. And since then, I've been 114.5 or 115 in the mornings before my run. So how did I just gain a couple of pounds?

But I know that my body is inconsistent, and I just feel bloated, even though it's not "that time of the month."

Anyway, on the bright side, if I am 113.5, then I only gained 1/2 pound from my month-long trip. And I should consider that a success, given the amount of ice cream I ate! :)

This weekend, I have two meals out...and one of them is with a Chinese family, so it will be the typical "let's-impress-the-foreigners-by-ordering-a-12-course-meal" type of thing.

Wish me luck!

borntocry on 08/05/2005:
Hi Runner,

I know how you feel! It's so disconcerting. I know I should probably just be grateful that I'm still under 115, but to think that a mere five weeks ago I actually weighed in at 107...! Have I really gained 7 lb. since then?!

sweetpea1977 on 08/05/2005:
Thats the spirit! ONLY a 1/2 pound gain after a month long vacation in the Land of Plenty (of ice cream!!) is AWESOME. That deserves a huge pat on the back!

You have very good eating habits and are very knowledgeable of the nutritional content of the food you consume, so you know when to expect a legit gain.

You know your body very well and as you said before, your body is inconsistent. Please keep that in mind every time you step on that scale and know that some unexplainable fluctuations will occur. However, I do have a theory for this set of fluctutions. Could it be that your body has adapted to your 1 month long "American" diet and is having some difficulty re-ajusting to the normal diet you practice in Asia?

Well, good luck at your big weekend dinners. Im sure you will do fine! Have a good weekend!

geevee on 08/05/2005:
Well, the good part about those many-course meals is that you don't have to take much of any of them and you can have more of the "good diet" foods. Your mind is set up for this, so you'll come through it with flying colors.

Your mentioning of ice cream brought back the memory of talking to an older Chinese man in Shanghai who repairs bikes. He spoke English very well and said that what he missed most about America was the ice cream, and how he'd love to eat it again. I think he might have studied here when he was a young man.

Just think of the fortune these good American ice cream companies could make if they went to China! They have a ready and willing market just waiting for them!

Runner - Wednesday Aug 03, 2005
(Under 1600 calories)
Weight: 113.5

Still 113.5.

Still bummed.

Would like to write more, but I will be gone all day....

Will check in tomorrow.

borntocry on 08/04/2005:
Hi Runner,

I'm sorry... I'm bummed too. Maybe we should move to America and go back to eating ice-cream every day!?

sweetpea1977 on 08/04/2005:
Hey Runner,

Im sorry you are so bummed out right now. Im sure it has to do with bloating, because you have been pretty good with your eating since you got back to Asia.

Dont let it get you down too much. There's more to life than a number on a scale. :o)

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