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Runner - Monday Dec 20, 2004

Weight: 114.0

My time at 113 was short-lived. Although I had a salty dinner at 9pm and felt a bit bloated this morning, the gain is an ever-present reminder of how diligent I need to be.

Geevee---your comments were right on target! You know exactly how it feels to try to maintain a low weight. Honestly, it was much easier for me when I was 150 pounds and losing 1-2 pounds a week. All I had to do was keep exercising and eat a little less and I was losing weight. But now that I've reached my target weight and have been running for 6 years, I have to be more disciplined than ever.

(Exercise alone doesn't do it for me anymore...I took my heart rate the other day after 40 minutes of running, and it was only 120. My body is extremely efficient. My resting heart rate is 40; I burn far less calories than the average person during a 50-minute run, even though my pace is fast).

Each morsel I put in my mouth has the potential to create a weight "excess," not "deficit," which is what I would prefer! So I have to think about everything...and when I become lazy, I pay for it.

I'm giving myself this pep talk because it's very hard this week to pass up treats. Someone brought in some peanut-candy things (which are a real treat here!) and I enjoyed one of them, knowing full well that it was at least 300 calories.

Becca27 on 12/20/2004:
Hi Runner,

Thank you for the helpful tips. They're very practical. Here's my problem with making "diet" desserts. When I do that, people say "Why are YOU making sugar free stuff?" or they'll say, "Oh, are you one of those people on the South Beach wagon?" I hate talking about my diet with my family/friends/ and acquaintances. No one understands. I know that you, especially, can relate. I never thought of making diet foods and not telling, though. Now THAT is a thought!! Thanks!

I also can relate to your body's efficiency. I,too, even though I'm a lot heavier, feel that my body is very efficient at what it uses/takes in. When I was in my 20's it was definitely easier to lose weight. Since I've been in good shape for 15 years and exercise is not a new thing, it takes a strict diet to lose anything. If I eat more than 1400 cal per day while exercising, I won't lose weight. It's very disheartening. I try to cross-train and look for new ways to mix up my workouts to trick my body into burning more calories. I know that strength training and cardio are key, but it's a lot of work.

This week, when tempted, just use the tip sheet you gave me and you'll get through it! In two weeks it will all be over! Yiks, though, you have the whole Chinese New Year to get through in January, though. I couldn't take another month of holidays. I'm at the breaking point already.

Have a great day today!!

geevee on 12/20/2004:
Ahh, those wonderful days of losing weight EVERY week and eating just a bit less. They are GONE! My body must be in some sort of a stasis too. When I think back to how much I used to eat and now, how little I'm able to eat without gaining, I must have gotten to a critical point for my body. The internal calorie police is doing an excellent job! I really can only eat about half a normal portion. My body must be getting more efficient like yours is because I notice that the exercise doesn't have the same effect as it did before. Sure, it helps a lot especially after I've given myself a couple days off, but the second I hit 125 the RED alert signal goes off in my body, and that is it! No 124 for me! It's a continual battle. That's the truth!

Runner - Saturday Dec 18, 2004

Weight: 113.0

Finally, I saw 113 again today. I was still 114 yesterday and too bummed to write a journal entry. It's been a rough two weeks. It is so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose it! I don't know if I'll see 112 anytime soon...I'm just hoping to maintain 113 or 113.5 through the holidays.

I've hardly done any holiday baking, which saddens me a bit. I love to bake, especially around the holidays. But since we just moved, I don't know many people that I'd want to give the goodies to, and I usually don't bake for just my husband and me. That's dangerous. I'd eat the majority of it, and I don't need to gain 3 pounds from the sweet treats!

So...I'll just try to stay out of the kitchen. I want to make some fudge, but mostly for myself. My intentions are not pure, let me tell you! :)

Penguin_14 on 12/19/2004:
Thanks for the welcome back. It means a lot! :)

I don't do any baking for the same reason! It would end up in my tummy!

geevee on 12/19/2004:
I sure hope Becca reads your words of wisdom, "so easy to gain weight and so hard to lose it!". There are no truer words!

Oh, how I wish I could remember who made the comment about getting down to goal weight and then having it made! THAT is when the REAL struggle begins! NOT LOSING your successes! Your daily struggles are MY struggles! And I haven't even gotten to my ultimate goal of 115. It's like I'm hanging on for dear life to what I have lost!

As for my Japan son. He is 5'7" and I have no idea what his weight is. I daren't ask! His waist for pants is 36", much too much! He maintains this middle ground of pudginess yet not fat, by not eating that much. He makes allowances for his treats by not eating that much food otherwise and subsisting on coffee and Half n'Half round the clock. It is definitely NOT the healthiest of diets, but when he eats my meals, he does get good nutrition, like the brussels sprouts last night. He actually left some of the smoked ham.

You know, I really don't think those who are in the "losing" phase understand the final phase that you are in, and it seems like I am too! though I'd like to be ten pounds lighter! I've been here before on other diets and know very well how the whole project is lost! It doesn't take much. Becca, take heed!

Runner - Friday Dec 17, 2004

Weight: 114.0

Well, I'm back home and was at 114 today...which I haven't seen for several weeks. Sigh. Life on the road is tough, but I honestly have no excuses. No one was forcing food down my throat. I chose to eat things I normally wouldn't, and I chose to snack when I didn't need it. So the extra pound is all mine as well.

If I can just make it through the next two weeks with a minimal or NO gain, I will be one happy girl! I'll be gone for a full week over Christmas, and I know that I will face food temptations everywhere. But I'm going to stay disciplined, just like the rest of you! I often think of Geevee when I'm tempted with a lot of different foods, especially sweets! She's an inspiration to me!

And where's CurlsnCuffs? We could all use a little motivation from Curls right about now! :) Are you there, friend???

Becca27 on 12/17/2004:
I've been thinking of taking a break for the next few weeks. I don't want to ruin everyone's holidays with my obsessive behavior. Like you, perhaps if I just try making it through the holidays with no gain, I'll be better off. Geevee is inspirational, and so are you!!

geevee on 12/17/2004:
To be able to maintain during December is a triumph! A loss seems impossible to me. That on one day I weighed 123 is like a vision and not real. How was it possible for me to get there and you to get to 111.5? And why is it so difficult to get back?

Runner - Wednesday Dec 15, 2004

Weight: 113.5

I have no idea if my weight is still at 113.5, but I have a feeling that it's up. For some reason, I just seem to be hungrier than normal and all this time on the road isn't helping, as I'm faced with more temptations and less control of my meals. I'm still "on the road" as I type this, in the hopes that I will make wise decisions tonight. We're going to a sushi place, so that will be healthy, I hope.

But yesterday was bad, even though I ran and went swimming at night. I weighed myself in my bathing suit after swimming, and was up to 118 pounds, which is terrible! I had eaten a big dinner, but I still was appalled to see that number.

I'm really trying to eat less, but I'm going to eat when I'm hungry. I refuse to starve myself. It's just that when I'm on the road, it's harder to eat healthy, and my snacks are running low. If I were in America, I could run to a nearby grocery store and stock up on plenty of low-fat products.

But this is Asia, my friend, and I'm in a small city. There ain't no low-fat products here! (pardon the bad grammar)

It's time to think creatively! At least I can always eat hard boiled egg whites! :)

Becca27 on 12/15/2004:
Hi Runner,

Did you pack your scale on the road or are you weighing yourself on another one? That could be one reason the #'s are up. Or, it could be the time of the month, moon, etc.. Do you need to hear the fluctuation speech? Wait until Saturday. You know the scale loves you on the weekend. Hard boiled egg whites aren't bad. Grab veggies- nuts are filling, too.

smiley2 on 12/15/2004:
I also felt a gain this morning, thats why i didnt weigh myself. Its amazing what a little salt can do to the body, totally amazing. I know exactly what you mean about low fat snacks. I am going back to SA for a month and there is low fat choices there, but not as much and as freely availabe as here in the US. The best we can do is to stay strong. Good luck and hang in there!

geevee on 12/15/2004:
I never tried the Taiwanese box lunch. I was there after a couple of weeks in Japan and was SO sick and tired of noodles, rice, grease, my main goal every day was to find those Golden Arches so my friend could have her fish sandwich and I, my burger.

I made the mistake of getting on the scale after dinner to find 129 which was just as depressing as your 118, but it was down to 125 the next day.

I've been holding onto 124 for three days now, waiting to see that elusive 123 again.

geevee on 12/15/2004:
PS - Runner, Have you heard from Born to Cry since Thanksgiving? I'm wondering if all went well. If it had, you'd think that she'd be oozing good stories. She had mentioned dropping out though, in one e-mail because she said she felt that she was getting too obsessive about watching her weight. I tend to feel that all is not well. Do let me know if you hear anything. I am concerned and miss her entries.

Runner - Sunday Dec 12, 2004

Weight: 113.5

I'm holding steady at 113.5. No loss. I just want to see a 1/2 pound loss. Sometimes it gets discouraging, but I just keep plugging away...and hoping that I can pass up the urges to snack and eat more than I need.

I'm going to be on the road again this week and then over the holidays, too. So I'm relying on my healthy snacks and an extra dose of discipline to get me through it. Last week's trip resulted in a net gain of 1 1/2 pounds. So if I keep gaining at that pace, I'll gain those 5 pounds right back!

I am still amazed daily at how the Chinese women eat and stay so thin. I know that life isn't fair, but sometimes I wish I would just see a fat Chinese lady walking down the street. Of course, most of them aren't muscular or "fit-looking." They're just thinner than most American women. But they do walk everywhere. That probably makes a big difference! And most of them never eat things like cheesecake. They just eat greasy, fried food. It still doesn't seem fair.

geevee on 12/12/2004:
You made a good point about Chinese women not looking muscular or fit, just thin or small.The men are that way too, for that matter, but since you brought this topic up, I've been watching news clips very carefully and you know, they ARE getting bigger. They're not grossly overweight yet, but getting hefty for sure.

I basically haven't had fried food for 15 months. I made potato latkes for the kiddies twice and of course had to partake too. But that was it. Nothing else fried. I'm telling you, that experience I had with the greasy vegetables made a lifelong impression on me. I don't even use butter on my vegetables any more and now my triglycerides are down to 40 something.

I made the pumpkin pie recipe today, finally! I covered the pie with broken pieces of walnuts which looked pretty. I didn't make the topping with the pudding though I did buy all the infredients. It was one of those days. I had to leave the house or I never would have gotten any exercise in. It's too easy for me to find excuses and after my recent spike in weight, I didn't want to go through that again, so I'll either eat the pie plain or topit w/NFsour cream. That's become a great whipped cream substitute for me. I might have a taste yet but haven't because I wasn't hungry, but for sure I'll mention it in my entry tomorrow.

Load up your healthy snacks and don't forget your running shoes!

Becca27 on 12/14/2004:
Hi Runner,

Eating on the road is the worst. Everytime I break out of my normal routine, I throw caution to the wind. You're smart to think of it now and plan healthy alternatives. It's a war! We need to be on the offense and NOT let our guards down. Have a great week!!

Runner - Friday Dec 10, 2004

Weight: 113.5

Ugh! Usually, Saturdays are GREAT weigh-in days...but I'm at the highest weight I've been since the middle of October for a Saturday! How discouraging!

It could be due to a rather salty hot pot dinner last night...but I don't feel very bloated, and I should just admit to myself that I indulged in too many calories this week. Rats. I really thought I would be okay since I've continued to exercise daily, but I just have to remember that my body doesn't need as many calories as the average person. I can't eat 2000 a day and expect to maintain my weight.

So this morning I got in a 50-minute run, ate a healthy breakfast, and am ready for a new day. Maybe tomorrow, the scale will be nicer to me!

geevee on 12/11/2004:
Oh, can I commisserate with you today! That visit a few days ago at 124 was VERY brief! Then back up to 125 and today, 126 when I left in the morning. Three hours later after swimming a mile and do;ing an hour of yoga I was 126.5!!! Life IS unfair, Runner. Normally I'd be 124.5 to 125. It must have been too much water. It's too close to Christmas for this to happen. Keep running and I'll keep swimming and hopefully wear myself out on the elliptical with my recorded book to keep my mind occupied. We don't have any other choice.

Runner - Thursday Dec 09, 2004

Weight: 113.0

Well, I'm back from my trip and a pound up from what I was when I left. I'm glad that it's only a pound...I had a rough time, food-wise. I wasn't careful with what I ate, and even though I got plenty of exercise, I know that I overdid it. (It didn't help that I couldn't weigh myself every day...I'm used to doing that, and it works for me...it keeps me accountable and aware of what I need to do to maintain my weight).

So I'm back on track today. Unfortunately, I've allowed my sweet tooth to indulge in some treats lately, which just makes me crave sugar more.

So it takes extra discipline to stay away from those sweets! Thankfully, I'm not attending numerous Christmas parties here in Asia, as they don't really celebrate Christmas. But with Chinese New Year coming, people are will soon be in the "celebration" mood, and I'll have to be careful...last year, I gained several pounds in the month of January, and I'm not going to let that happen again!

smiley2 on 12/10/2004:
You are doing a great job, i am looking up to how far you went with your weight loss. Its like: When am i gonna be in Runner's weight range...:) NEVER lol. Anyways im losing weight slowly but surely.

One curious question, for how long have you been in Asia and for how long are you going to stay there to work?

Becca27 on 12/10/2004:
Hi Runner,

Thanks for the encouragement. You'll get back on track, you always do. I think you've discovered a real balance in recent months. Work hard in Dec. and forgive yourself, but don't go overboard, in January. Feb will come and it can be "kick butt" month. Are you coming back to the U.S. next year?

Runner - Sunday Dec 05, 2004

Weight: 112.0

Still hanging on to 112! Wow! I just can't blow it this week...I'm leaving on a business trip today for 4 days, and those always pose various challenges. So I'd better go pack my healthy snacks! I hate being unprepared!

Runner - Friday Dec 03, 2004

Weight: 112.0

I love Saturdays! I'm back to 112 today. But I'm in the middle of baking cookies for some friends, so I have to update my entry to help me keep myself accountable. I had a few bites of the dough and 1/2 cookie, but that's enough. I don't need any more. I have to keep remembering that NOTHING tastes as good as being thin feels! Even if the cookies taste great, which they do!

geevee on 12/04/2004:
It's like clockwork the way your weight goes down every weekend and then rises during the week! It should be comforting when it goes up, because it's expected, but it's SO annoying, isn't it!

Runner - Wednesday Dec 01, 2004

Weight: 113.0

I'm holding steady at 113. I shouldn't complain...at least it's not up to 114, which often happens in the middle of the week. I'm finding myself wanting to snack more lately, so it's taking extra discipline just to eat when I'm hungry. I've been presented with a number of temptations, food-wise, but so far I've been doing okay. Lunch yesterday was with a bunch of co-workers, and included pizza and other fattening things...I managed to pick off the healthy toppings on a piece of pizza, eat some chicken (and skipped the cheese), and only had a bite of the desserts. I ate my healthy soy nuts instead. But it's frustrating to watch everyone else pig out. I mean, I can barely maintain my weight by just eating bites of that kind of food...how do these other people do it? How do they just shove 3 pieces of pizza in their mouths and wake up the next morning the same weight as they were the day before? Maybe they do gain...slowly...but none of them seem to show it!

Ah, well. I'm not going to start the "life isn't fair" thought-process, because it only makes me more frustrated. As many of you know, discipline in eating isn't fun, but it is worth it in the long run. I could care less this morning about not eating the pizza...usually, it's just a temporary temptation and I get over it quite quickly. It's not like I've never had pizza before, for crying out loud! I know what it tastes like already. So if I can save myself 500 calories by passing it up, I will. And I'll stick with my own foods that are low-cal, healthy, and satisfying.

geevee on 12/01/2004:
"I know what it tastes like so I can pass it up." EVERYONE needs to copy this down and post it on the fridge!!! It needs to be memorized and repeated frequently, as often as the temptations arise.

It's been 15 months since I've had pizza, and it must have been this idea which has enabled me to resist. I see all those discount coupons I receive every week for Pizza Hut, Dominoes, and Papa John's. I no longer give them a second look and automatically throw them away. Pizza is simply not a part of my life any more, and I LOVE it! Like with everything else, you have to make choices. You cannot have it both ways. I know the day will come when there will be a pizza right there in front of me, and I will make the conscious choice to have A slice. And I will really enjoy that slice! Maybe I'll have two, but that will be it.

Your point that maybe these people who eat pizza will gain weight slowly. Of course they will, just like we did. And, we will lose the weight just as slowly!

Becca27 on 12/02/2004:
Hi Runner,

Your perspective seems so healthy, even compared to a few months ago. You should scroll back to early September and read your entries. You seem to have worked through some of the psychological aspects of maintaining and fluctuating. That's a huge accomplishment.

I think that it's very frustrating to watch people eat and not participate. It doesn't help if they're bigger or smaller than me. People have no idea how hard it is for some people to lose or even maintain their weight. I know that some of my heavy friends probably think I'm thinner because of my metabolism. If they only knew....Sometimes, I just wish I could NOT think about food so much and have it be part of my life, like brushing my teeth. I brush them every day, floss, and use mouthwash, but other than that, I don't think about my teeth at all during the day. Does that make sense?

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