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Runner - Monday Jun 14, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Well, I had to make the two desserts last night, and my "taste testing" wasn't perfect, but it wasn't terrible, either. I really did well by not sampling a lot of what I was making. (Of course, the scale is up...somehow it knows if I eat extra sugar, even though I didn't consume more calories than I usually do in any average day! I consumed empty sugar calories, though, and those usually come back to haunt me the next day!)

I made an Oreo pie and those yummy Chex Muddy Buddies...you know, the chocolate-peanut butter things. Man, I love those. I hope I can resist digging into them before the party starts!

I decided to buy a lot of food for the party that I don't like, so I don't eat it all! Of course, most of it is unhealthy, but since no one else seems to care what they eat, they can have it! I can definitely do without buffalo wings and mozzarella sticks! Those types of food don't tempt me at all, usually.

So...24 hours and 2 parties...I WILL do well. I will enjoy myself, but I will NOT overdo it. I've been down that road far too many times.

borntocry on 06/15/2004:
Wow, Runner, your desserts sound lovely. I'm glad I'm not invited to your parties! Good choice with the mozzarella sticks... I don't find those tempting either.

In answer to the comment you left me, no, you don't need a special pan to make bagels - just a big saucepan to boil them in and then a baking sheet for the oven. It actually was not as hard as I'd been led to believe. Kneading the stiff dough for twelve minutes provided a good upper body workout though!

superstarr on 06/15/2004:
Your party treats sound great! If I was a guest, I would definitely be eating way toooo much!!!

I have a ? for you. I know you said you can do great things with a box cake mix. Isn't that what you said? anyhow, I need some help. I have a few box cake mixes and I want to dress them up a bit. Any suggestions? Also how do you substitute the applesauce in your recipes? I need some baking tips and you seem to be great at it. I want to start making snacks for my daughters school.



Runner - Sunday Jun 13, 2004

Weight: 115.0

It was a rough weekend, but I survived it. I had dinner out on Friday, lunch out on Saturday, and a big church potluck on Sunday. Lots and lots of food. I enjoyed it all, but tried not to overeat. I'm just glad the weekend is almost over! Sometimes it's really hard when people are treating you to a nice meal. I feel obligated to eat a lot and I usually do. But I have to remember to slow down and take smaller bites...and to focus on the conversation and not just on my food. Since I eat fast, I can easily eat twice as much as the next person because I continue to eat if they're eating!

Anyway...it's a new week, and while I'm hosting two social events at my place, I hope that I can make smart choices. I'll be in the kitchen a lot, but I'm learning to stay away from baking desserts that I know will get me in trouble!

borntocry on 06/14/2004:
Hey, you're back down to your ideal weight. Way to go!

I definitely know what you mean about eating too fast. And I use the same technique of focusing on the conversation to keep me from eating too much. I've noticed that it helps if I talk a lot during a meal, because I'm really self-conscious about eating and talking at the same time. In fact sometimes when I'm in a really talkative mood people will even remark that I've barely touched my food and that I must be a really slow eater. Haha, if only they knew!

Well, good luck with the social events! I've found that sometimes cooking takes the edge off my appetite, especially if it's hot. And I'm sure it burns calories too, right?!

Runner - Thursday Jun 10, 2004

Weight: 116.0

I had company last night and made homemade pizza. Thankfully, I managed to eat only two small pieces and left most of the crust. I don't like crust, anyway...I'd rather have toppings! And since I made the pizza, I controlled the cheese and all that stuff...so I made it as healthy as possible!

And although I had some fruit and veggies with my dinner, I only had a small piece of cake for dessert that someone else had made. That was easy, since it was just a box-mix cake and I find plain, box-mix cakes very boring. I never just make a box-mix. I usually add things to it---chocolate chips, candy bar pieces, etc. Of course, my cake is usually higher in calories, but I never use oil, (I use applesauce), so it all works out the same in the end, I guess!

But....when I was washing dishes, I found myself reaching for 2 mini Cadbury eggs and a carmel piece of candy. Another 150 calories. (And no one saw me eat that...they saw me refuse a big piece of cake, but I snuck 150 more calories in candy).

I am a walking paradox.

I do stupid dieter things...like eat small portions of dinner and then eat big snacks when no one is looking. But you know what else bugs me? When I see skinny girls doing the same thing! Isn't that crazy? There's a girl at work who pulls silly dieter tricks, and I notice them every time. It's so silly because I do the same thing, but it drives me nuts when I see her do them!

I sound like a bad person, but I'm really not. I'm actually very kind! :) I just felt like writing about some frustrations...and the ups and downs of trying to maintain my weight!

borntocry on 06/10/2004:
I do that too, Runner, and I can tell you, it's a bad idea. People start to think that you're anorexic and try to force you to eat more, not realising that you're already eating more in private. It gets very irritating when everyone around you is saying, "But you eat hardly anything - one slice of cheesecake won't hurt!"

Thanks for the comments you left me, by the way. I'd like to know how much time you spend weight training and what kind of exercises you do, if it isn't too much to ask.

Oh, and as for the skinny eating girls - well, when I see them I just tell myself that they're probably bulimic. It might not be true but it makes me feel better!

superstarr on 06/10/2004:
LOL, that is soooooooooo funny because i do the samething! I see this girl here at work do the same stuff I do, but yet it irritates the hell out of me when I see her doing it. And I always pass up treats and this and that, only to eat other things later that in the end are probably worse than what I passed up! It's awful!

Your homeade pizza sounds really good. We used to make pizza all the time but haven't in awhile. We may have to do that again sometime. Down the road, when I can handle it. Right now, no pizza for me.

Have a great day!! ~superstarr

Runner - Tuesday Jun 08, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Wish I had more time to read diaries and comment, but this will have to be quick. I actually took a day off of running today. It's been a long time since I've done that. I still swam and lifted weights, but I didn't get those endorphins going quite as strong and I didn't sweat as much...and I didn't feel like I got as good of a workout.

But my body needs more rest. I know that. I just hate it when I don't run and then I feel guilty, especially if my weight is up a pound or so.

Some people are addicted to food. Some are addicted to exercise. And I'm addicted to both.

borntocry on 06/09/2004:
Hey, thanks for the comment you left me. I only wish I had read it earlier - it might have saved me from the disastrous day I had yesterday. I envy your addiction to exercise so much. How do you make time for it? I would love to exercise more but sometimes I feel like there's not enough time in the day for it. But I guess if you enjoy it enough then you make time for it.

superstarr on 06/09/2004:
Runner, how I wish i was addicted to exercise!!! I am however addicted to food! I was thinking about you the other day and your baking because i really like to bake too. And now that we have our own house and i can bake whenever I want, Im really getting nervous! I don't know how I will be able to bake and not eat all the goods!! Me and my husbands goal actually was to never have sugar in the house, so I suppose on the good side anything I do make will be made with splenda.

I'm glad you did take a day off. Your body probably does need the rest!!

Runner - Saturday Jun 05, 2004

Weight: 115.0

I had a very salty meal Thursday night...it's called "hot pot," and it's basically where you throw a bunch of veggies and meat into a chicken broth where it cooks in front of you. Then, you pull out the food individually, dip it in soy sauce (using chopsticks, of course), and eat it! It's delicious...but I often eat more soy sauce than normal, and my weight was up a couple of pounds due to water retention! I'm back to normal now, though! :) I'm glad that I only eat hot pot once every couple of months...I don't know how the Chinese eat it all the time! Don't they get bloated, too? Or are they always in a constant state of being bloated? Ugh!

Anyway, I've had a pretty good last couple of days. The funeral for my friend is today. I wish I could be there. It's times like these when I wish I didn't live sooo far away. I love Asia, but I miss my friends in the States.

borntocry on 06/07/2004:
I know how you feel, Runner - I also had to miss a funeral recently through being here in France. What matters most is that you were there for your friend in life... the funeral is really just for those who are left behind. I am sure her family understands.

superstarr on 06/07/2004:
Hi Runner - Sorry to hear about your friend! I know it is especially hard on you living so many miles from home. Hang in there!!

The hot pot sounds delicious!! I may have to try something like that here at home. I've really been working on using the chopsticks! I'm not very good at it yet.

Runner - Thursday Jun 03, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Weight is up...not sure why. Maybe because I'm a woman and these things just happen! :) (Except it's not that time of the month...so I'm at a loss for reasons why) I really feel like I've been disciplined lately. I've snacked a bit, but I've continued to get plenty of exercise and have maintained discipline. Anyway...it's nothing to cry about, that's for sure!

In fact, I had a close friend pass away this week, and it sure has helped me put "weight maintenance" into perspective! This wonderful friend was the epitome of fitness and health...and she still had an unexplained, sudden death due to a brain aneurysm. It's so sad...I'm grieving for her family...

Umpqua on 06/03/2004:
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and you're right - it does really put weight issues and day to day things into perspective. A young friend and co-worker (she was 30) passed away last year of a pulmonary embolism - it was completely unexpected so I can understand your shock. My thoughts are with you during a difficult time.

curlsncuffs on 06/03/2004:
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend - my prayers are with you - very sad for sure.

borntocry on 06/04/2004:
So sorry to hear about your friend, Runner. It's so scary when it's unexplained and it happens to someone healthy. It must be so hard for her family, too. I don't know what else to say but I'll be thinking of you and sending you strength to deal with this tragic event.

Runner - Monday May 31, 2004

Weight: 116.0

For some reason, I decided that I needed to bake cookies last night. Peanut-butter blossom cookies. (THe ones with the Hershey's kisses in the center). I had been given a few bags of Hershey's kisses, which are quite a treat here, and I just had this urge to get rid of some of them.

Of course, I also was having the urge to bake (and sample) my treats. So instead of simply giving away the chocolates still wrapped up, I had to bake the cookies, eat about four too many, and consume two Hershey's kisses in the process.

Ugh! I didn't feel full or stuffed, because the cookies are small, but I still let myself down. Of course, everyone at work today is gobbling up the cookies. I didn't save any for myself...no need to set myself up for future bingeing!

I plan to do better today. NO BAKING. If I don't bake it, I can't eat it! It's that simple.

fairytalegirl on 06/01/2004:
I have been having the same problem lately, I keep getting the "baking" bug, and then of course have to eat a few cookies/brownies too! I will tell myself the same thing-don't bake them and you won't eat them! good luck to you~

borntocry on 06/01/2004:
Runner, I just want to thank you for what a tremendous inspiration you've been to me. To learn more, read my latest entry (warning: it's a bit long)!

geevee on 06/01/2004:
They must LOVE you at work!

curlsncuffs on 06/02/2004:
Hi Runner!

Remember, "NO BAKING"....Them Hershey kisses got the best of you, huh? I feel your struggle. One good thing is you didn't save any for yourself!

Thanks for the wonderful comments! I do feel great. Maybe oneday I will - my focus is on getting to GOAL! I always keep my eye on the goal. For me, nothing is worth not getting to goal. Nothing out there is going to "taste" better than getting to my goal. I am afraid though - what happens after goal? Right now I'm on a mission - but, then what? I don't know....but, I have thought about it!

I look so different from a year ago - I cannot believe how great clothes shopping feels now! I'm having a ball. I do shop in some consignment shops - we have a few good ones and some things are new. It just feels so good - no cookie taste as good as this feels!

I admire your athletic ability!

I ran 1 whole mile the other day - the WHOLE mile! That is an accomplishment for me - I hate running. I will walk 4 power-walk miles with you - but, I don't really want to run. My hubby, on the other hand, runs the Marathons. He has run the Baltimore Marathon the last 3 years! I can't imagine doing something I like for that many hours!

Have a great day!

Runner - Sunday May 30, 2004

Weight: 115.0

It's been a good weekend! I've had plenty of exercise and have made smart food choices, while allowing myself treats in moderation. One thing I've noticed, though, is that I'm often bloated. I've read a little about it on the Internet, and it's probably due to the foods I eat---the veggies, fruits, and protein shakes that I like to drink. I also drink a lot of water. But sometimes I get tired of my protruding belly! I know that I'm thin, but my belly really likes to stick out!

I joke around about it sometimes, and tell my friends that I'm "3 months pregnant," because it really does look like it after I eat a big meal! They think my stomach is hilarious, because it's the biggest part of my body!

Runner - Thursday May 27, 2004

Weight: 116.0

Man, I just appreciate everyone's comments and support! Thanks, friends!

I do plan to get rid of the rest of the goodies today. One of my co-workers is having a birthday, so I'll just bring them over to share. They'll go quickly, I know!

I have a meal out with some Chinese students tomorrow...so it will likely be greasier than what I like, but I'll just go prepared with a snack bar if I need it and just eat less. Sometimes I take more on my plate and then have my husband casually "help me" finish it. It's the only way I make it through some of the meals here!

I like to read the posts at www.skinnydaily.com, a website by a woman who has lost 100 pounds and keeps it off. Yesterday, she wrote this, and I can totally relate to it. Since I travel a lot, I always put quite a bit of time into being prepared to handle food situations. Maybe I overcompensate, but at least I know that I'll have a protein bar or an apple handy if I need it! So if you have a minute, read what she says. And check out her website sometime. It will encourage you!

Traveling Mercies

I am on the road, between conference speakers in my hotel room while attempting to catch up on correspondence. I feel upside down and discombobulated, as if the sun is down and the ground is up. More than anything, what�s spreading through my body is a weird panicky feeling about food.

I have no food. I have no clear idea where my next meal is coming from. Never mind that I have enough reserve energy to survive for weeks without sustenance, I am concerned now. Right now.

I�m not hungry, don�t really need to eat. But what if I did? The nearest vending machine has items whose wrappers are actually beginning to lose their color. I am able to locate a rancid 3 Musketeers. And it�s looking pretty good.

The nearby restaurants can make nearly anything out of shortening and flour. The fanciest establishment serves deep-fried asparagus, large phallic clots of batter covering innocent and astonished looking spears. (They�re pretty good, too. Oh my aching cells.) As I begin to think about going to get that candy bar, I reach instead for my car keys. Off to the grocery store for me.

Being lost in the world and not knowing for sure where good food can be found is a nasty feeling. Because of it we come to rely on fast food simply because it gives us our bearings. We can relax the minute we�re in the familiar and knowable environment of a franchise. Knowing what we will order even before we pull in is like being able to speak the language in the middle of a foreign country. We are safe, not at the mercy of strangers, self-sufficient. This self-determination is critical to our happiness.

But there is another way to travel and eat with confidence: Provisions.

It wasn�t so long ago that no one would consider heading out on a journey without provisions. It might have been beef jerky and a tin of oat groats and beans, but you wouldn�t go empty handed. That would be foolish.

So now I keep one of those clever insulated bags in my car or suitcase. They are designed to keep hot food hot and cold food cold for a few hours at a time. In a new town, I find the nearest grocery store and stock up on simple snacks. Things I know I can and would eat to keep my blood sugar stable between events or when I can�t find a meal that suits my diet. This food also keeps me out of vending machines and mini-bars. Mostly.

I choose fruit, mozzarella sticks, nuts, Wasa rye crackers, sugar-free nut butter (usually almond), maybe prepared veggies, sardines, plain yogurt.

I often travel with a protein shake powder. For more than a week away, I�ll be inclined to pack my own teas and stevia powder packets. Other things that may have made it into my suitcase are a water heater, dehydrated veggie chips, dried fruit.

To tell you the truth, I rarely eat this food. I often give it away. The point of having it is simply having it.

When you have good food with you, the bad food does not tempt you so much. When you have good food in your pocket, you can afford to be choosy about restaurants and local delicacies. It�s possible, with provisions to take your time sniffing out the local farm markets, the family-owned restaurants, asking advice along the way to unearth the best meals in town.

Readiness. Our forebears wouldn�t have considered anything less. Shoot, in many ways good food has become harder to find than it was in their day.

borntocry on 05/28/2004:
Thanks for the comment you left me! I think there is a gym near where I work and I will try to check it out next week. If that doesn't work out, I might have to ask you if you know of any lower-body exercises one can do with dumbbells, because if so I would love to give them a try.

I'm also going to look at that website you quoted from, although I have to admit that I've found that taking food along on a trip doesn't work for me. I tend to eat everything I've brought along with me as well as whatever "local delicacies" come my way.

Well, good luck with the greasy Chinese food! I know you can handle it!

Runner - Thursday May 27, 2004

Weight: 116.0

My frustration with food only increased yesterday! If you didn't read yesterday's entry, do that first. Then continue with me as I relive the saga...

well, after baking those dumb treats for the baby shower, I learned two hours before the shower was to start that the pregnant mother was going into labor! (perfect timing, eh?) Well, it was too late to cancel the shower (all the food was made, everyone was coming), so we had a shower without her! (She wanted us to go ahead and enjoy ourselves).

Anyway, she was the one who requested those caramel cloud bars in the first place and she didn't even get to enjoy any of the food I made! All those desserts for nothing. Well, the women enjoyed them, but you know what I mean. Unfortunately, I have some leftovers, so I need to get rid of them as soon as possible.

At the shower, I ended up helping myself to more food than I needed, too. I think I was just frustrated.

Ah, well. Life goes on! Today is a new day, and I'm doing well so far!

borntocry on 05/27/2004:
The desserts weren't for nothing... now all the other women at the shower will be calling you up requesting them for their own parties! You'll be running a flourishing patisserie in no time!

Can't you feed all the leftover desserts to your husband? One of the reasons my boyfriend encourages me to eat all the time is that he's a non-stop eating machine himself, which can come in handy when disposing of leftover treats. Or maybe you can take them to work?

Thanks for your comments. I am interested in weight training - but would I have to join a gym for that or is there anything I can do at home? And as for the scale, I am visiting my parents in London this weekend so I will probably buy one there and then leave it there. That way I won't be able to weigh myself more than once every two weeks. I am really nervous, though!

breakaway on 05/27/2004:
Well, congrats to mommy! And as for you...well, you at least didn't do this intentionally. Now what you have to do is get rid of those things (I'm sure there are plenty of people who would LOVE to take them off your hands!) and forget about them. You can do this! You didn't do something so horrible that you can't fix it. You were doing a great job! You will get back into it, don't give up!

curlsncuffs on 05/27/2004:
Hang in there! What a nice friend you are!

geevee on 05/27/2004:
OH, it's so hard to resist those special goodies at parties, the kind you never, ever have except at those special occasions. And after having had such a frustrating evening baking, no wonder you indulged yourself. I would have too!

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