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Runner - Monday Dec 18, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 118.5

I am the worst dieter ever.

I know that food temptations abound this time of the year, but I CREATE just as many as I am faced with!

Today was a total loss...I probably had upwards of 3000 calories, which is really high for me. Much of it was in the form of evil sugar, and I just didn't resist all the goodies at our staff Christmas party...and then I had the audacity to do some holiday baking tonight! WHAT was I thinking? It's no wonder I'm 10+ pounds heavier than I was last year! You should see my stomach. It's sticking out to high heaven.

I feel like a loser. Except that I'm NOT a loser when it comes to losing weight. I'm only a gainer. And I just don't know what to do except fast for a couple of days...maybe I WILL do that. I obviously have no self control around food.

Sorry for my negativity...I'm just terribly upset with myself.

geevee on 12/18/2006:
Ditto here! Misery does love company. I feel totally lost and that the inevitable upward spiral is well on its way. I think I can handle fasts better than eating sensibly. When I'm in the right frame of mind, it doesn't bother me at all to feel hungry all day and then get by with just dinner. The problem is, I can't keep that up very long. Here I am with half a delicious pumpkin pie beconing me all day long, plus the rich breads Billy keeps bringing home that I can't ignore. I can't even trust myself to go to the bank because I'd probably scoop up a handful from the dishes of chocolate put out for customers.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/18/2006:
You did lose weight! Remember when it said 120! It's very frustrating, I agree! You can do it; and you DO do it!

borntocry on 12/18/2006:
This is the problem with the holiday season. I was reading some of my old entries the other day and was pleased to see that I weigh a good 5 lb less now than I did at this time last year. But I also got kind of nostalgic reading about how busy I was visiting my family and going out to Christmas lunches with my friends and co-workers. Now that is all a thing of the past. My family has moved away and all my friends at work have gone. I haven't faced any temptations since Thanksgiving.

Just try to limit the damage as much as you can, and get back on track in January. Hang in there!

WorkingIt on 12/18/2006:
If you constantly tell yourself negative things about yourself, you will do negative things to yourself. Negative attitudes make for negative actions. Garbage in, garbage out. Not only applies to food, but to the mindset we have about ourselves. Good luck.

Runner - Friday Dec 15, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 118.5

I think this is my weight right now. I weighed myself on the scale in the gym, which is only in kilograms, so I'm doing some mental math. I sure hope this means I've actually lost a pound! After a difficult week, I'll take it!

Next week is going to be even harder, and I just found out that I'm going to Singapore over Christmas---talk about food temptations! Singapore is filled with all kinds of good food...mmmmmm

More later...

Scruffy on 12/15/2006:
Be safe, take a lot of pics!

Scruff was here :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/16/2006:
since you're not always in singapore, don't be to limiting on what you eat...which i'm sure you won't. Don't regret not having something you really want! Congrats on the loss!

borntocry on 12/16/2006:
My scale is also in kilos, so I know all the kilo/pound conversions by heart now, haha! Originally I used to rely on this website:


Runner - Tuesday Dec 12, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 120.0

Oh, where do I start?

I have gone from feeling thinner and better about myself to feeling fat once again.

Saturday, my weight at the gym was about 119. By Monday, I was able to fit almost comfortably into my khakis...the ones I bought when I was 110. Monday was a good day.

Tuesday was a bust. Well, it was a good day until about 9pm when I decided to stupidly do some Christmas baking. I don't want to go into details, but I set myself back about 800 calories, at least! And I went to bed feeling guilty, sick, and frustrated.

Of course, I woke up feeling fatter than ever, and even though I went for a 55-minute run and have only eaten a guava and 2 egg whites so far, I'm still upset with myself.

I just can't seem to make any real progress, because I do stupid things like bake chocolatey treats for my co-workers! But it's Christmastime, and I always take them treats...however, my choice of treats was really stupid, because I made something that I can't resist eating.

Anyway, the last 2 weeks have been such a blur that I haven't kept track of my points, so I'm really sorry that I've bombed out on the challenge, BTC. Right now, I'm just trying to make it from one meal to the next without any major mishaps.

maria777 on 12/12/2006:
Hey, you are NOT ALONE!!! I've been overeating, too...Smile!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/12/2006:
The good news: Holiday season is more than halfway over!!!! You can do it! We are fighting here the whole way with you!

Moody on 12/12/2006:
If you read everyones journal you will find that you are not alone!! There are alot of us who are battling the holiday goodies.

At least you got a great workout in!! Good for you!

borntocry on 12/13/2006:
Heh, well, I've actually "bombed out" on the challenge too, dear girl! I don't think I've earned any points for about a week now. I was feeling guilty about letting you down! But I am also just taking things one day at a time and trying not to think about it too much, because I feel like whenever I try to accomplish anything I face some major setback which just ends up depressing me and making me feel like I can never get anywhere. Okay, didn't mean to unload on you like that!

Cheer up, Runner! If you could fit into your "thin" clothes on Monday, you can't be that far from it now! Monday was only two days ago! Not even you can go from "thin" to "fat" in two days - come on, now!

If you must bake treats for your friends and co-workers, try to think of things which you can't sample or don't find as tempting. If you must bake things like brownies, make them in the same dish from which you're going to serve them, so that you can't just cut out a piece. Or if you're making cookies, make just enough so that each person at work can only have one - that way there won't be enough for you to try any! If that seems stingy, make several different kinds of cookies, with one of each kind for each person! I did that once, and I couldn't sample any because then there wouldn't have been enough for each person to have one of each.

Keep your husband in the kitchen with you and if you're afraid something hasn't turned out right you can get him to taste it for you! And tell him to throw it out directly if it isn't good! My husband did that for me once when I baked a loaf of bread that didn't turn out right!

Good luck, Runner!

mattscat3295 on 12/13/2006:
Oh, the holidays, I actually dread them, all the baking and cooking we do and it seems like everytime I turn around there is something going on and it seems to always revolve around food. Have a good day.

tourguidebarbie on 12/14/2006:
don't you love the holidays? :)

Runner - Wednesday Dec 06, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 120.0

oh, dear...i am so busy that i can hardly keep my head above water!

diet-wise, I wish I were doing better...but it's hard to maintain my diet with meals out, Christmas parties, etc.

I don't even have time to get on the DD's, which is frustrating to me! I need you guys! And I need to be more disciplined...

smiley2 on 12/06/2006:
Hang in there, this too shall pass.....

liza36 on 12/06/2006:
I can relate so much to you right now. I too can barely keep my head up with all the stuff I have to do. I haven't posted at DD for months it seems, and miss it. Hang in there. I'm trying to take that same advice!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/06/2006:
This is definitely one busy time of year! It seems like everyone's trying to wrap up their unfinished business by the new year! It looks as if there are many new DDers lately! I'm cheering for you!

Scruffy on 12/06/2006:
Scruff was here :) feeling empty......you're not here.....

borntocry on 12/07/2006:
If nothing else, try to have fun at the parties...

sweetpea1977 on 12/08/2006:
Im in the same boat, so dont feel bad. Hopefully, things will slow down once the new year begins, so hang in there until then. Please make sure you are having fun and remember the true reason why we celebrate this time of year.

Runner - Saturday Dec 02, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 120.0

I might as well just face the facts---I've gained another full 5 pounds since summer.

Of course, I want to deny that it's possible...but it obviously IS possible, and I obviously HAVE gained the weight.

Strangely, I don't feel 5 pounds heavier...but I guess I am. I guess I've become numb to the fact that I've gained a full 15 pounds in just over a year.

It's really discouraging, and yet there's a part of me that doesn't care, because I just don't feel like it's fair. I've been having stellar food days lately and getting enough exercise and enough sleep, but my weight continues to climb. I'm NOT eating more than I did when I maintained 103 for so long...so what gives?

Anyway, I can't cry about it...I'm done crying about my weight.

Today was a "STAR" day for me...yesterday came close.

I just wish I could see some sort of progress...anything to assure me that my weight won't continue to climb on a 1500-calorie/ day diet. (with 2+ hours of exercise)

On a positive note, I was able to breathe easily today. I'm very thankful for that! And even my bloating seems a bit down for once.

borntocry on 12/02/2006:
I don't know... it's crazy! All I can think is that 103 lb was probably an unnaturally low weight for you, and that your body could only maintain it for so long. It did take quite an extreme effort on your part to maintain it - three hours of exercise a day and so forth. I know that isn't much consolation... no-one wants to gain weight no matter how much they can "afford" to gain. Also, even if you really have gained 5 lb since the summer, it isn't really relevant if you don't look or feel any heavier since then. I was just thinking the other day about how my goal has constantly been to get back to the weight I was when I met my husband, but I don't look any fatter now than I do in the pictures from back then. If I wasn't weighing myself every day I wouldn't even know that I'm a few pounds heavier. It's really kind of crazy for me to be so obsessive about my weight when I totally disregard other aspects of my appearance - for instance I should probably start using some sort of face cream or at least some moisturiser or something, and I could probably pay a little more attention to my hair and clothes and make-up but I don't even bother with any of those things. Whereas that's what people notice - not a few measly pounds here and there.

Anyway, thanks for keeping up with the challenge - do post your points for each day as I will tally them up at the end of the week so we can compare our progress! I had a star day yesterday too!

geevee on 12/02/2006:
OH, Runner. Can I commiserate with you! I didn't realize how low your weight had dropped. I thought it had been around 110, not 103.

It looks like I've added a solid two pounds since Thanksgiving. Each morning I see 135 yet don't feel fatter than usual. It's so insidious how the pounds slowly creep back. This is how I got up to 165+ in the first place. At this point, maintaining looks far preferable to gaining even more. There is no limit as to how high we can go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/02/2006:
Runner, you are doing well now and that's what matters! Just keep your positive outlook! I am sorry you are so upset right now about it. Maybe you truly aren't eating enough for the strenuous workouts you do?

Moody on 12/02/2006:
Have you ever had your metabolism checked???

Runner - Wednesday Nov 29, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

Okay, I only have a minute, but I need to update my points:

when did we officially start, BTC?

Anyway, yesterday was almost a great day...until I tried some of the Oreo Pie dessert I had made for a party. I didn't overdo it, but I'm sure it still set me back a few hundred calories. Boo.

Poins for 11/28- 4

11/29- 3

I still feel very bloated every single day. Will it ever end? And when will I be able to breathe well? I have an echocardiogram in a week...I sure hope my heart is okay. It's scary when I don't really know what is going on inside my body. And I'm tired of going to new doctors. I've been to so many different doctors.

borntocry on 11/30/2006:
Oh Runner, I feel for you! I've also been thinking about how scary it is not to know what's going on in our own bodies. Sometimes I wish we had transparent skin so we'd just instantly know when something was wrong! I'm also so tired of going to doctors. Now that I've gone off the pill I should probably go get my monthly cycle sorted out but I really need just a couple of months free from doctors! I have to get a medical certificate before my half-marathon in March so I'm just going to try to do it all then.

Are you getting the echocardiogram done because of your breathing problems? I thought the doctors said it had something to do with your thyroid. Or do they just want to make sure?

As for our challenge, we can just start it from the 28th. You're thrashing me so far, but the worm turns today, I swear it!

Moody on 11/30/2006:
Good luck with your challenge!

sweetpea1977 on 11/30/2006:
Im sorry Runner. I cant even imagine the emotions you go through when dealing with all these doctor visits and mysterious conditions that you deal with. I hope that one day soon that the answers will reveal themselves to you.

In the meantime, keep smiling, stay positive, and good luck on your challenge!!

Runner - Tuesday Nov 28, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

OK, BTC, I'm making it official! :) Here's to another challenge: this time, I hope to actually be a LOSER! :)

My daily goals:

1. 1500 calories or less.

2. 100 calories or less of "empty calories" (like sugar)

3. No bingeing. Ever.

4. Only bake when necessary; ask husband to join me in the kitchen.

5. Get enough sleep. (preferrably 8 hours)

The first four goals are the same goals I always have...but the 5th one is a new one. I need to make sleep more of a priority. I know that being sleep-deprived can throw off a person's metabolism, and even though I'm not deprived, I'm not getting the sleep I need. I need 8 hours a night to feel completely rested...so I'm going to go to bed earlier...and hopefully this will keep me from wandering the kitchen looking for a bedtime snack, too!

By the way---my 2-3 hour workouts include a variety of exercise---running, elliptical machines, pilates, swimming, lifting weights, biking, and hiking. Yesterday I ran for 50 minutes in the morning, did the elliptical machine for 30 minutes after work, and then swam for 15 minutes. I also did 15 minutes of Pilates later that night, and got in about 30 minutes of walking to and from the gym. So it all adds up. I like variety! :) Saturday morning is my favorite time to work out. I usually go from about 8:30am-11:00am. You'd think I'd be burning enough calories to actually lose a pound, huh?

smiley2 on 11/28/2006:
Thats so true, when i dont sleep enough, i always tend to eat more, as well as unhealthy fatty foods or high sugar. Good luck with your challenge and great job on the exercise, i look up to you. Be careful not to overexercise though...

borntocry on 11/28/2006:
Okay!! I'll post my goals later today!

geevee on 11/28/2006:
Ohhh, to be able to sleep! I always have difficulty and seldom get a good night's rest. These bouts of insomnia prompt me to prowl into the kitchen at all hours, the most recent was Fri. morning at 5am when I polished off the remaining bread smeared w/mayo and topped w/turkey breast. Another foray netted a big slice of that notorious chocolate cake.

Is that allotment of 100 cal. for "empty" foods enough? I would need 110 for 2 truffles. Your goals are admirable, though.

borntocry on 11/28/2006:
Hi Runner!

Okay, I've come up with my goals for our challenge. They're rather complicated, though... I have different goals for different days of the week. I have a tendency to do well during the week and then take the whole weekend off, so I figure I need more motivation on the weekends. But I calculated the total number of points I can earn over the next four weeks and it's only six points higher than it is for you, so we can still compare our scores at the end!

Well, all will become clearer in my next entry - I think I need a whole entry to elaborate on this so am saving it for tomorrow! But I'm going to count my points starting today - maybe even yesterday, to make it exactly four weeks until Christmas?

borntocry on 11/28/2006:
Oh, one other thing... my weight this morning was the same as yours, so we're starting at the same point! Hopefully we can actually lose a little this time around, if that's not too much to ask!

Horn_of_Plenty on 11/28/2006:
runner, you are going to laugh when I tell you about the peanut butter I am eating!!!! First, I purchased it at GNC (the health/vitamin store chain in the US) and I haven't seen it ANYWHERE else. I love it!.....

The brand is called "SNACLite." Next, they call it "PowerPB." On the label, they further write: All natural peanut butter blend, superior blend of quality protein, fiber, and essential fat, 24 grams of protein."

Usually, peanut butter is slightly lower in protein, but the 24 is because a serving on the label to them is 4 tablespoons, not the usual 2. The calories for 4 tablespoons are 315. however, that means that in 2 tablespoons, there are only about 160 calories (compared to the usual 190) and 12 grams of protein (more than the usual amount). It then has 4 grams of fiber in 2 tablespoons!

Ingredients: roated peanuts, wheat germ, honey, flax seed, egg whites, salt!

It tastes nice and I like seeing the litttle flax seeds in it. other than that, it looks like regular peanut butter.

hahaha, i bet you didn't think you'd get a whole explanation on peanut butter like this!!!

however, i do like the all natural ones like skippy that you don't have to stir because it is thick and satisfying, unlike regular.

Scruffy on 11/28/2006:
Scruff was here :)

Runner - Sunday Nov 26, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

HI, friends. Thanks for all your comments about the scales---unfortunately, I DID check to make sure the balance scale was at "0" before I stepped on it. But it still baffles me at how the other one can be so waaay off. I'm not recording my weight yet, though. I really just want to buy my own scale so I don't have to go through the humiliation of weighing myself at the gym, but I have also loved the fact that I don't subject myself to daily weigh-ins which always throw my mood into a tailspin.

Anyway...I'm starting a new challenge that will end on December 25. I'm going to do my best to stay under 1500 calories a day and to eat as healthy of food as possible. I'm cutting back on the carbs and trying to eliminate anything "white."

I don't know if I'll lose a pound, since I can't seem to lose ANYTHING, but at least if I keep my calories under 1500, I'll know that it's not my fault! (because I'm still exercising 2-3 hours a day)

So far I've done well this weekend. Yesterday I passed up all the goodies at church and stuck to the healthy lunch I'd brought along--- hard-boiled egg whites, fruit, and veggies.

Anyway...I probably won't make my challenge too "official" since my Internet time seems to be pretty sporadic lately, but I WILL keep track of how I'm doing and let you know if I'm making ANY progress. My goal is to fit into a certain pair of pants that I KNOW will fit me if I just lose 5 pounds! So here's to my umpteenth time to try to lose those 5 pounds! (I was saying this 10 pounds ago...sad).

borntocry on 11/27/2006:
Hi Runner,

Thanks for your comment! I had planned to throw all my leftovers in the freezer but for some reason thought that I could handle them this time around. To be honest I can't even blame everything on the leftovers as I have been eating all kinds of other junk too. I don't know what has gotten into me! I am so upset and mad at myself.

So you aren't going to make your challenge "official"? I was also thinking we could do a four-week challenge until Christmas. I will come up with my list of goals today.

Moody on 11/27/2006:
Wow you exercise 2-3 hours a day?? What do you do?? I know your name is runner but you don't run that long each day do you??

Good luck with your challenge!!

geevee on 11/27/2006:
We all seem to be going nowhere fast; not even maintaining but insidiously packing on pounds that had been lost. I seriously wonder how I ever lost weight in the first place. Since trying to lose those 'extra' five pounds, I've added another FOUR! At the rate I'm going, I'll be 135 at Christmas!

Scruffy on 11/27/2006:
Scruff was here :)

Runner - Saturday Nov 25, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

I think I made it through my 3rd Thanksgiving meal under 2000 calories. (for the day, not just the meal). And I'm sick of Thankgiving food. Too much is too much!

Something very unsettling happened today when I weighed myself at the gym. I always weigh myself on 2 different scales---in the past, they have agreed with each other. Today, however, they didn't. Unfortunately, i weighed myself on the locker room scale first, and it showed a 4-lb. loss. Then I weighed myself on the big scale inside the gym, and it showed a 4-lb. gain. Yes, there was a difference of 8 pounds on those two scales!

The worst part is that the one inside the gym is probably more accurate since it's one of those "balance" scales, or whatever they're called! Can it be possible? Can I truly weigh 120 pounds? I almost had an anxiety attack. And I swear my face looks fatter by the day. It's almost too much for me to bear. Even with 3 thanksgiving meals, I have been disciplined, and i have continued to work out. But I still gain weight! What is WRONG with me?

borntocry on 11/25/2006:
The balance scales are not always accurate. Did you check to make sure there was no zero error? Look at the scale before you step on to it and make sure it reads zero. Sometimes scales get slightly offset with time. If the scale reads 4 lb with nothing on it then you can safely subtract 4 lb from the reading it gives you when you step on it.

Moody on 11/25/2006:
Scales can be tricky..I'd do like BTC said and make sure it was set correctly before getting upset. Like you said you are doing everything you need to be doing.

maria777 on 11/25/2006:
Maybe the scale is wrong...Check the 0 weight on the scale...You're doing fantastic!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/25/2006:
I would ignore what both those scales said! lol. that is soooo strange! Congratulations on all 3 Thanksgiving dinners! I am glad you enjoyed them and didn't self-sabotoge in the process! Keep up the good work, despite what the scale says (since it's incorrect anyway!)

mattscat3295 on 11/26/2006:
I would definately check into the scales, did they move them or anything? I know that sometimes my old one would read differently in the bathroom (where I keep them and the floor is level) compared to my bedroom or the hallway. I don't really have an answer. I hope you have a great day, keep up the good work.

Runner - Thursday Nov 23, 2006
(Under 1300 calories)
Weight: 117.0

I'm just trying to make it through this week relatively unscathed. Instead of having ONE Thanksgiving celebration, I have 3.

This always happens when you live in a foreign country! People overdo it.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 11/24/2006:
Oh Gosh! That's a lot of days and a lot of food! I was just telling myself this morning how lucky I am that I only have to deal with this for one day! But, when I go on vacation during Christmas week, I'll have to manage my food for a whole week! You have a good outlook on this week though! I would say the best way to deal with that issue is portion control each night. lol, I sure didn't do that yesterday!

geevee on 11/24/2006:
I know what you mean! Though I won't be sitting down to a formal dinner three times like you, last night was just the beginning. There is so much left over, and this is after my son and ex took big doggie bags, I don't know how I can avoid not having a couple more meals just like last night! You are NOT alone!

sweetpea1977 on 11/24/2006:
I thought Americans were bad. Three celebrations? Unbelievable!

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